Parenting is a lifelong commitment.
My mother still marvels at how fast I grew up, and I know she was very much taken aback by the (first) time I moved out. I was 20 then and honestly, she would have been fine if I'd stayed indefinitely. Did she ever think, watching me take my first steps, that the years would fly by and that one day she'd be helping me move across the country? I'm sure she did. But that doesn't mean she was entirely prepared
Redditor amberarmy1912 asked the online community,
"Parents, what surprised you the most when your child moved out?"
"Or just grabbing something..."
That's hard.
One thing is how much I do miss my kids. I enjoy them not being here (even more once the last one moves out and my MIL is gone) but I miss the f*** out of them. I was so tired of living in one room (the master bedroom was also my office and I work from home) and I enjoy the extra room, but I hate not stopping by and joking around when I see something weird or funny online. Or just grabbing something I know they like when I am at the store and just kind of dropping it by their room as I go past. All those little things are gone now. I hope they realize how much those little things really meant.
The other is some of my own personal issues. I want to hear from my kids but I don't want to bother them so I don't contact them as often as I would like. I have never been much of a just shoot-the-s*** person so that hurts me in communications. I see a lot of my dad in me that way, he rarely ever calls me except when there is a death in the family or something. I used to not call him when he worked because I could never remember when it was safe to call.
"The difference..."
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The difference between peaceful quiet and sad, lonely quiet.
My mother told me this...
...after I left. It must have been quite the adjustment.
"The moment our son moved out..."
The moment our son moved out to live on his own he became vegetarian. He never gave us any indication he was planning to or wanted to be vegetarian.
"I was cooking recipes..."
We have one kid. I was cooking recipes for 6 every night thinking that the portion counts were misleading because we never had any leftovers. Nope. Our grocery bills are now about a third of what they used to be.
That's always nice!
Tell me: Who doesn't love saving money?
"I also realized..."
That we talk more now that he lives on his own. We seriously play games at least twice a week for four to six hours. I also realized I was the safe mom that all his friends felt comfortable with. They still call to talk or stop by for a socially distanced catch-up.
I also realized that my water bill was only a 1/4 of what it used to be. I wasn't imagining the super long showers.
"I found out..."
Mom here. I was worried that I would be sad and heartbroken. I found out that was not the case. I was excited to see where her path took her. It's amazing to see her making her own world and dreams come true. I now have more money, so I travel a lot more.
"I'm sorry, mom." (From a child.)
How many kitchen utensils you actually need to make basic meals.
I'm sorry mom. I will never make fun of your crowded cupboards again.
This is so true!
My kitchen cabinets are so cluttered. In a way, I am thankful. I know I am always prepared in the event I want to make something new. It's a great feeling.
"God knows I love them..."
It's an instant pay rise. God knows I love them, but even when they have been working and contributing to the household, me and my wife have still fronted most of the bills and purchases. Going from providing for a family of five to just me and the wife.... let's just say we eat better cuts of meat and our savings accounts have never been healthier.
"The possibility to spend much more time..."
The possibility to spend much more time with my wife, which wasn't a surprise, but to sort of rediscover her as the amazing individual I once fell in love with. I never lost sight of it, but the roles of mother and father took up soo much of our time, so our "we"-time had always been on the back-burner (I know I haven't worded this very clearly, but I hope you get what I mean).
"They have their own, thoughtful opinions..."
When they move out, they also take a step towards adulthood, which means our relationship also changes for the better. We can take a step away from "parent-child"-relationship to "two people who love and respect each other" and we can talk about many issues much more as equals now. They have their own, thoughtful opinions on many topics, an I love having these discussions because more often than not they'll surprise me with a different perspective, and make me re-think my own opinions.
"I'm a dad..."
The dad identity I adopted isn't who I am.
I'm a dad, but I used to be more than that and still want to be.
Counting Pennies...
How much my food bill went down. Also the quiet.
And electricity. And heating. And water. And how little you move your car anymore.
Moooooo
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My oldest son drinks milk like crazy. I'd buy 4 to 6 gallons a week for our family of 5. He moved out so I figured I'd need half that.
Poured a gallon down the sink because it went bad. Okay just get one gallon. We sometimes didn't use that so I buy half gallons now. This means I was spending over $500 a year just on milk for my oldest. It took me almost 6 months to figure out portions of protein, I was making three side dishes, I cut that to two.
Cinderella...
How clean the house can be.
I have lived on my own now for a few years and i used to be bugged about messes but nowadays I realize there is no way to stay clean all the time and having a clean day once a week or every other week is good for the mind and soul. So I'll make small messes and then save a day to do a deep clean.
The Replacements
My mom bought two guinea pigs because "the house felt empty."
My parents have had 5 kids move out so far and are now the proud owners of 3 cats and 2 dogs. I'm fully convinced she is replacing us with animals. Not sure if I should be offended that she got a pomeranian when I moved out. That thing is annoying as hell.
The Last
I'm the last child to move out. I guess what surprised me was how much my dad cared for his children. Mother told me how he'd cried for days because i could have stayed longer but decided to start my life. Never really dawned on me how much he loves us.
Now thats love!
Man, my room was turned into a workout room within a month, my mom still collected child support from my dad for me but didn't support me at all in college, then mom tried to claim me on her taxes as she "continues to provide a home for me". While I had a full time job in school to pay rent and bills. I filed my taxes first which caused her taxes to get flagged, she tried to get me to re-file as her dependent. Now thats love!
the 4 of us...
We are 4 children, the youngest is nearly 28 and we all moved out years ago. I am currently 30 and moved out when I was 18. We all thought it would get to my mum, but actually it was my dad who said he couldn't stand the empty and quiet house. All 4 of us liked to bring friends and the house was always full. I totally get that it must feel strange sometimes, but initially I thought he would love the peace.
He gets all emotional when we visit and keeps our rooms like they were so we always have somewhere to stay if we want to. We are all having kids now and my parents even bought beds etc for them, so we could (and would) stay over night. Tbh I really enjoy it too, when we all come together to this day.
It's Over
To answer on my parents behalf: how much the two of them had grown apart.
That hits, well, home. My parents definitely had a scare, divorce on the table. Instead of fighting they finally freaking talked properly after many years.
Turns out, they love each other and are having a blast now. Communicate, people.
Menu changes
My mom said the most surprising thing to her is all the meals she used to cook for us that I hated, I now request those same meals frequently. Lol.
Sexy Jessica Alba GIF
I'm Missed
On the flip side; my mum told me the first night I moved out, she found my dad sitting downstairs reading my favourite childhood book to himself. I hilariously refused to let anyone read me that book. That was mine and dad's book up until I was about 6 (then I just read by myself)
After all the emotional/verbal abuse he dealt throughout my life I was surprised he cared enough to miss me.
back & forth
Just how much I still miss living with him, even though he's been settled out of home for a few years now after yo-yoing a bit.
XOXOXOXO
Honestly I feel like my dad for sure misses me more than my mom. he wasn't really one to say i love you or I'm proud of you but now he's always hugging me and telling me he loves me all types of stuff.
My mom never hugged us when we were kids. Now she does it all the time. She's a much happier person now that she doesn't have to deal with the three of us.
Found It
The porn that boy stashed under his mattress. I burned it. not to my taste whatsoever.
Who stashes porn under their mattress? Who, after doing so, doesn't take it away when moving out?
It Was You!
Answering for my parents:
That it wasn't their kids who kept making the house messy and hoarding.
The Vibe
We have 4 kids. When the 1st left, I was surprised at how much the whole dynamic of the house changed. Don't know how to explain it. Just a different vibe.
Also, we did a pretty good job of having dinner together as a family nearly every night. So, of course, everyone had their place at the table and that never changed. For a few months after the first one moved out, sometimes I'd look to the other end of the table and my wife would be spontaneously crying as she looked at the empty spot next to her. (Don't worry, we're doing better now)
Lastly, this can be quite emotional for some parents because in some ways they are almost having a funeral for the child. Once that kid moves out, there can be a literal mourning of the "death" of a child because that child is never coming back. When they visit again they are an adult. And by saying this I certainly don't want to trivialize the trauma folks experience at the actual death of a child. This isn't nearly as hard. Not even in the same universe of difficulty.
Zzzzzzz
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How they can sleep so many hours but yet keep you from sleeping.
It Gets Better
My son left and moved out at 19 last year and I've been verklempt about his absence on our daily lives. Did you feel a difference between the first vs the others? We still have 3 more kids at home and I've stated hugging them twice as much 🥺.
Another Generation
How much harder it is to raise grandkids. We just weren't expecting that one.
I was raised by my grandparents. They weren't expecting to raise more kids. They wanted to retire and travel. Instead they both had to keep working and raising babies (I have a twin). In your 50's is not easy physically, either.
Funny Ha Ha
Answering on their behalf "just a joke" they now have to take out the trash and do grocery shopping themselves, plus they have to get off their seats to get a cup of water.
The Loan
How much we miss our daily interactions, even when they were just 15 minutes long.
Before our oldest children moved out (two to go!), they were hardly home. Between college, "study groups", working and social activities, on most days we'd see them just before bed and just after they woke up.
Now that they're out on their own, we really miss even those "daily check-ins".
We still call and text a lot. But obviously it isn't the same.
I get that your children aren't given to you, they're loaned to you. But damn if it doesn't feel like a part of you has been amputated.
Purfect Replacement
I was the youngest of 3 and moved out with my sister. My mom kept going on about how excited she was to be free. 2 months in she adopted a cat that look exactly like mine. I still call her once a week to make sure she isn't to lonely.
The Pick Up
How quickly they pick things up. I don't mean that literally. I think I thought my daughter would be a potato for much longer than she was.
Showertime
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We have son and 2 daughters, when daughters were both in college water bill was reduced by 2/3.
In the Poorhouse
I never realized how much my parents relied on my rent. Every month I have to come up with a different excuse so they'll still take it.
This doesn't seem... right. There is a lot of expenses that come with starting a life as a young adult. Unless your parents are disabled or elderly they are doing you a disservice by not allowing you to save for your own future. You will have time to take care of them later.
Riley
As the one who moved out: How pets can take to the change of household members.
My parents have a cat, Riley, who was with them the time I was living with them (note: This was my second time living at home, bad times in my life) - he always had a connection with me, and would enjoy curling up next to me and purring for me, plus, I am the only one he allows to carry him baby style.
And after I moved out, he spent several days wandering around the house, as if he was trying to find where I had disappeared to.
And the first time I visited after that, he meowed at me a lot, like he was shouting at me for leaving. Even now, when I visit, he'll cuddle up to me the moment I am sat down.
Pride
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How proud I am that they are independent and happy, and shocked I lived to see the day!
Hang Up
That he never called his mother for 3 weeks. She was crushed. She loves her babies even at age 22. We still have 3 at home thank goodness.
Amusingly, my father specifically told me not to call my mother the first three weeks I was away at school.
It was a good move. She got over the worrying phase, I felt some independence and then had a nice talk with my mum.
Crushed...
The crushing pain. Never for a minute did I expect it. Watched him drive away with his friend, car all packed up to move into an apartment together, and burst into tears. Went up to his room to vacuum and sob. Grieved for two weeks. He moved across town.
Then as the years went by, he came back, moved back out, came back again, moved back out again. The last time he moved, he went 2,000 miles away, a 3-hour plane ride. I'll never get over it.
We're damned happy for him to be living a full life on his own terms, but had no idea it wouldn't include us in any way. I just never saw that future in my little crystal ball. We were always supportive: "Do your own thing, whatever it is, we'll support your choices," and still feel that way. But I had no idea what the physical pain of him being out of our daily lives would be. What can I say, he's a sparkler, and our lives are simply dull without him.
Give a Ring
I grew up with strict parents. Religious, politically conservative, all that.
My folks were strict enough, that when I was in college and over the age of 18, they would still interfere and make decisions for me.
When I finally got out on my own, I stopped telling them about a lot of my life. I started doing a lot of things that I had always wanted to do. And I also found that I didn't need or want to talk with them that often, because they were my primary social group even up to my early 20s.
Last year, I made the decision to start calling my mom once a week. Before that, even though I didn't talk to her frequently, I made sure to tell her I loved her before I hung up.
This year I am calling my mom twice a week. Our relationship has gotten a lot better, and I kind of wish I had started doing this 10 years ago.
What a Mess...
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My best friend found half of their dishes hidden in their son's closet. They were dirty and disgusting. They knew dishes were going missing and had asked him dozens of times if he had them but he always denied it. He wasn't mean or rotten just lazy and goofy.
A New Son
That her boyfriend continued to live here. When my daughter went back to college her boyfriend had already been staying here for a few months. His dad had died & his mom had to move into a much smaller place so he moved in with us. When my daughter went back to her dorm he stayed & continued to commute to his college. It was temporary & he's a good guy so it wasn't too bad, just unexpected.
Sorry Ma...
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I moved out at 17 because my GF got an apartment. Mom was heartbroken and I feel bad about it today.
Same old...
My parents have reported most of the same; sad, quiet, lonely, cheaper food bill, etc. But once my brother moved back in for a while in his early 20s and my mom said she missed being able to go downstairs and get coffee in the morning without putting clothes on.
I'm the Kid!!
When I moved out (I moved countries too so I was gone, gone) I got a pitiful phone call from my parents. They begged me to return. My dad said he needed someone to talk to (basically he wanted his free therapist back) and needed someone to give him back massages (He historically had back problems and my mom is crap at massaging sore muscles without leaving bruises). My mom begged me to come back and take over parenting, cooking and cleaning again saying that she was too old. It made me feel very used.
I hadn't realized how much I had been doing for them. It was especially manipulative when my mom put my baby sister on and she cried and asked why I didn't love her anymore and told me about how my mom wasn't taking care of her and just ignored her needs (she was 4).
Secret Life
All the stuff he had. I don't know where he got thousands of dollars worth of cameras, tablets, laptops, and other expensive things.
He never had a traditional employer. When we saw all the stuff, we thought he got into drugs or stealing or something.
A New Beginning...
How similar it feels to starting your life over after a breakup or graduating from college. And then the immense sadness you feel when they ask to move back in because the $150K liberal arts degree you bought them won't let them actually make a living.
Thanks Covid
My parents begged me to move home because they wanted to have a full house again. When COVID hit, they got their wish. They seem to forget their kids aren't children anymore and that we don't have to ask permission to come and go or to spend time somewhere that isn't home.
Im Out New York Fashion Week GIF by NYFW: The Shows
That last one hits me something fierce...
...and I'm not even a parent!
It must be incredibly difficult to accept these kinds of changes after so many years of sacrifice.
If you'll excuse me, I'll go hug my mom. (Thankfully we've been able to see each other during this pandemic!)
Have your own stories to share? Feel free to share them in the comments below.
For many childhood memories are overrun by living nightmares.
Yes, children are resilient, but that doesn't mean that the things we see as babes don't follow us forever.
The horrors of the world are no stranger to the young.
Redditor -2sweetcaramel- wanted to see who was willing to share about the worst things we've seen as kids, so they asked:
"What’s the creepiest thing you saw as a kid?"
Serious Danger
"Me and my best friend would explore the drainage tunnels under the Vegas area where we grew up. These were miles long and it was always really cool down there so it was a good way to escape the heat of our scorching hot summers. We went into this one that goes under the Fiesta casino and found a camp with a bunch of homeless people."
"Mind you we are like 11 years old lol. And we just kept going like it was nothing. It wasn’t scary then but when I look back at it we could have been in some serious danger. Our parents had no idea we did this or where we were and we had no cellphones. We could have been kidnapped and never have been found."
oofboof2020
Waiting for Food
"I was at a portillos once when I was 12 and I was waiting with my little brother at a booth while my parents got our food. This guy was standing with his tray kind of watching me then after a couple of minutes he started to walk over really fast not breaking eye contact with me."
"He was 2 feet from the table and my dad came out of nowhere and scared the s**t out of him. He looked so surprised and just said he wanted to see if I’d get scared or not. He left his tray full of food near the door and left. My folks reported him but we never went to that location again since we found a better one closer to home."
nowhereboy1964
Captain Hobo to the Rescue
"When I was a pretty young teen, my friends and I were horsing around in San Francisco and started hanging out to smoke with some homeless guys. Another homeless dude came up and began aggressively trying to shake us down for anything (money, smokes, a ride, drugs- all of it) and wouldn’t take no for an answer."
"We got in over our heads and could tell this guy was now riling the other 2 guys up and they were acting like they wanted to jump us. Some grandfather-looking old homeless man appeared out of nowhere and yelled at us to get the f**k out of here- nice kids like us don’t belong down here at this hour!!"
"Captain Hobo saved our lives that night. My parents sincerely thought we were at a mall all day lol."
FartAttack911
Survival
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"I was 7 and survived the 2004 tsunami in Thailand. Witnessed the wave rise way above the already massive palm trees (approx. 40ft?) and my family and I watched/heard the wave crash into the ground from a rooftop."
faithfulpoo
These Tsunami stories are just tragic.
On the Sand
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"We were a group of kids who went to swim in a local lake. And there was a dead body on the beach with their hands raised and their legs bent unnaturally that local police just took out of the same lake. I've never put my foot in these waters again."
oyloff
Be Clever
"I was walking to school and I was about 5 or 6 years old and some guy pulled up beside me in his car and asked if I would get in. He also offered me sweets to do so. I said no. The creepy bit was when he calmly said ‘clever boy’ to me, then drove off. I’ve never even told my parents or anyone else about this as it would most likely freak them out."
OstneyPiz
Bad Jokes
"Dad's side of the family pranked me by burying a fake body on our back property and had me dig it up to find valuables. Was only allowed to use a lantern for light. They stuffed old clothes with chicken bones. Sheetrock mud where the head was... Random fake jewelry as the treasures... I was like maybe 10 or 11.. I remember digging up the boot first and started gagging because it became real at that point."
Alegan239
YOU
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"Woke up to find my little brother staring at me in the dark, asking, Are you really you?"
PrettyLola2004
Siblings can really be a bunch of creepers.
No one should talk to others in the dark though.
Not all pet owners have the same relationship with their pets.
While anyone who decides to become a pet owner, or pet parent as some say, love their pets equally, some never ever let them leave their side.
Taking their pet with them to work, running errands, even on vacations.
Many pet parents even allow their pets to share their bed with them when going to sleep.
For others though, this is where a line is finally drawn.
Redditor Piggythelavasurfer was curious to hear whether pet owners allowed their pets to share their bed with them, as well as the reasons why they do/don't, leading them to ask:
"Do you let your pet sleep in your bed? Why/why not?"
The Tiny Issue Of Water...
"Absolutely not."
"I have fish."- Senior-Meal3649
Everyone Gets Lonely Eventually...
"I adopted an eleven year old cat the day before Halloween."
"She has mostly lived in my closet since I got her, and she hasn’t been too interested in coming out."
"Last night, she came out of my closet and jumped up on my bed, and crawled under my covers and curled up by my feet to sleep."
"I was so happy!"- YellowBeastJeep
The Comforting Reminder That You're Not Alone...
"I recently lost my Greyhound but I used to let him sleep on my bed with me."
"The company was nice and he was no trouble to have on my bed."- HoodedMenace3
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What Do You Mean Allow?
"I have no choice."
"She is a cat, cats do whatever they want."- Small_cat1412
"He lets me sleep in my bed."- Poorly-Drawn-Beagle
Wouldn't Have It Any Other Way
"I carry my old boy upstairs to bed every night."- worst_in_show
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Who Needs An Alarm Clock?
"I let my two cats sleep with me."
"They're so full of love and just want cuddles all the time."
"And so do I."
"We've all developed a lil routine."
"Get to bed, oldest sleeps on my feet to keep them warm, youngest lies in my arm while I lie on my side (she the little spoon), then when I snooze my alarm for work in the morning the youngest paws at my face and meeps loudly to wake me up."- GhostofaFlea_
Whose Bed Is It Anyway?
"Yes."
"They're also kind enough to let me squeeze into whatever space they've left for me."
"Although I do get a few dirty looks off them."- Therealkaylor
"I found this tiny kitten screaming her head off under a car."
"Would not come out."
"Got some food and some water in dishes."
"I stood by the tire so she couldn't see my feet."
"She got curious about the food and water and started gobbling it down."
"I thought she would bolt when I squatted down."
"She was too busy eating."
"I grabbed her by the nape of the neck and all four legs went straight out and she tried to scratch me to death."
"I got her in the door and tossed her toward the couch."
"She ricocheted off the couch as if she was a ping pong off a table and I lost sight of her."
"I put out food and water and a sandbox and did not see that kitten for three days."
"On the third day, I came home and she was on my bed pillow."
"I thought she would bolt when I came near, but she didn't."
"I wanted to sleep so I tried to scoot her little butt off my pillow."
"She would not go."
"I put my head down to sleep and that is the way it was from then on."
"She ran the roost."- Logical_Cherry_7588
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Sleeping Is A Prerequisite...
"No, he's a cat and he cannot keep still during the night."
"He walks across the headboard, opens the closet doors, jumps into the windows and rustles the blinds, etc."
"If he would sleep he could stay, but alas, he's a ramblin' man."- Spong_Durnflungle
Saying No Just Isn't An Option...
"'Let'."
"Lol."
"It's a cat's world and I'm happy to be on her good side."- milaren
Felines Only!
"The cat does, the dog doesn't and the horse certainly does not either."- Xcrowzz
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Is That My Hair On That Pillow?
"My dog is perfect."
"She comes up, cuddles til we start to fall asleep, then gets down to sleep on her bed so she doesn't get too hot."
"Jumps back up in the early morning for wake up cuddles."
"The hair everywhere is the only downside but she is so cozy, what can you do."- HoodieWinchester
It is easy to understand how some people are able to fall asleep more easily knowing their friend and protector is there, in bed, with them.
Though we can't blame others who don't want to run the risk of being scratched or bitten in the middle of the night either...