Growing up, a lot of us had parents that never let us have sleepovers. It may have really bugged us as kids, but when was the last time you stopped to think about why?
Reddit user mephizto85 asked:
So we may finally have some answers... but we're going to be honest with you - many of you will wish you hadn't been curious. The thing about kids is that it's often not the child's fault that they're sketchy. It comes from somewhere - somewhere a lot of us wish didn't exist. We're going to be talking a lot about parents and situations that are downright horrific and heartbreaking. Proceed with caution if those things are difficult for you. They certainly are for us.
Content Warning: the following contains talk of: suicide/self harm, abuse, violence/domestic violence/abuse, addiction, questionable parenting.
"Good To Take A Break"
This all went down about ten years ago. The kid was on serious medication for major behavioral issues, the kid's sibling was the favorite. Parents would dump said unwanted kid at our house, without medication because "it was good to take a break" from antipsychotics.
I say "unwanted kid" because he'd come over on an empty stomach and was left for hours after the promised pickup time. He was ditched with whoever while they took the other kid out to eat and shop. They also didn't offer snacks/drinks and eventually banned reciprocal visits after we spoke up about his treatment.
It sucks that the parents were awful.
- 03CE
Weaponized Bleach
GiphyThe kids mother let them go in the backyard with her 13 year old to watch them. The kid, who was 5 at the time, filled a spray bottle up with bleach secretly without anyone knowing. He then took my child behind a shed, held him down and sprayed him.
When he started screaming is when the sister realized something was up. He was drenched in bleach, his skin was irritated all over from it. I told mom he would never be allowed over there again. His mother was crying saying she couldn't control her son. My wife and I were shocked as we didn't anticipate anything like that could happen on a play date.
Our little guy is very sensitive and took it very hard. He told me when I was taking him to school that he didn't want to play with him anymore and that hes not a nice person and makes him cry.
I should emphasize this kid is also 5, and slightly younger than ours. He walked down to our house by himself one day, and I told him he is not welcome in our house. He asked why and I told him it was because he does bad things. I then walked him back home, no one in his house even knew he had left!
I told his mom that our child would no longer be playing with him, she said that I was being overly dramatic and that they were just kids. I told her that if she thinks this is "kid behavior" she was in for a rough life when he gets older. I also reminded her she said herself that she couldn't control him and he's 5. What does she think is going to happen as he gets older? She didn't say anything. I told her to let her son know to not knock on our door again.
"I Said She's Staying"
My parents went to drop off my stuff at a friends house because I wanted to spend the night. They walked in, and my dad said "Nope you're coming home." She had two brothers; one was super nice, one was very touchy. My dad wasn't comfortable at all.
Her dad then threatened my dad and said:
"You can't take a child out of my home. This is my home, and I said she's staying."
Like my friend's dad thought he somehow owned me because I was in his house? I'm pretty sure this was basically kidnapping. My dad, being 6'3 and a large dude, got in his face (her dad looked like a string bean) and said he was taking me home right now. My dad told me later he had a really bad gut feeling something bad would have happened if I stayed.
Her brother is in jail now.
Early Warnings
I was a situation that set off my early warning senses. We were staying at an acquaintance's house. She had a 3 year old son. My daughter was 5. They played well together, but I got some weird vibes that told me that my daughter shouldn't be crashing in the living room in a sleeping bag. I had her sleep with my wife in the guest bed while I slept on the couch. I kept a close watch on the kids the rest of the evening.
The next day as we were leaving, the 3 year-old basically tackled my daughter (he was big, she was very small) and tried to mount and hump her on the floor. I extracted her and told him that wasn't appropriate. My daughter laughed it off as him trying to "wrestle" with her. Once in the car I told my wife under no circumstances would our daughter ever be allowed back in that house, ever. She agreed.
Old Habits Die Hard
GiphyHe was a little kleptomaniac. He came over exactly 3 times to hang out. Each time something would go missing, No more visits. Found out recently he was recently charged with embezzlement at the company he used to work for!!
Harboring A Runaway
I no longer allowed my son's best friend to come to our place or for him to go over to his after the best friend's mom reported us to the police as harboring a runaway. This was after the best friend had been tossed out of his mom's house and told to spend the night sleeping outside AND she'd refused our phone calls to find out what was going on.
So yes, I wasn't going to let a 16-year-old spend the night in 30 degree weather with nowhere to go, sue me. The cops showed up, said she'd reported us as harboring a runaway. We explained what was happening and got treated like dirt and told that from now on we had to have full permission from the mom. Fine. We urged my son's friend to go to the police, report to them what was happening, and left it at that.
The mom tried to apologize three days later as "being off her meds" and say it was okay for my son to go to their house and vice versa. The way she said "vice versa" felt like a trap, so I politely refused and hung up while she was screaming at me. I'd always been kind of uncomfortable with the woman and that just sealed it. They were still friends at school, but there were no more hanging out at either one's house and I explained why and they both agreed to the rules.
I hated it, because he and my son were part of a big group of kids that would all hang out at each other's houses all the time. Suddenly I had to worry about this woman freaking out or doing something to my son if he was over there or accusing us again if my son's friend came to our house.
Fortunately there was a third friend who this kid's mom was not mad at yet, so they'd all meet up over there. I warned them about it and the dad who was military basically nicely asked and recorded this kid's mom consent every time without her knowledge since we live in a one-party state. He told me, "Yeah, let her send my cousin who works at the PD to my house to tell me I'm harboring a runaway."
The son is in the military now and doing quite well and no longer has contact with his mother. Gee, I wonder why.
- landho54
A's Dad
My daughter is not allowed to stay at "A's" house and "A" can only come to ours during the day but never overnight.. We allowed her to stay the night there 1 time last year and the stories that came back from a single night were completely unacceptable. Here are a few...
1. The dad has a room that no one is allowed to go in, not even the mom. When he is going into it or coming out of it he knocks on the door and everyone has to look in the other direction. The windows of that room are even blocked out with black trash bags. A said she has seen the inside of the room before and there is just a couch, a TV and a XBOX1. I don't care. My daughter is never going to go there.
2. The dad also apparently has lots of "friends" that visited all through the night. Most friends never actually came in the house. None of them knocked on the front door. The dad would either get a message or just know they were there and hangout with them for a little while by their back door.
3. In the morning, before I picked my daughter up her and A were outside playing with the dogs. My daughter is well mannered and when A's dad asked her if she had put her breakfast plate away she answer "yes, sir." Well, apparently, what he heard was "yes, sergeant" and it royally pissed him off. He started screaming at A that her friends are disrespectful and that my daughter wasn't allowed back in his house. He then referred to himself in third person as "Sergeant" for the rest of the day and I am told it was until way after my daughter was gone. A told my daughter at school that it had all been straightened out and her dad felt bad about the misunderstanding and wants her to come stay the night again and will take them 4-wheeler riding in the woods as an apology. First of all, they don't have 4-wheelers so how is this even possible? Secondly, there is no way is my daughter going out in the woods with this guy.
If you are wondering, no he did not let my daughter back in the house after he kicked her out. A had to pack up her things for her, which her dad watched her do to make sure she wasn't taking anything of theirs. When I got there, they were sitting outside. I had no idea why nor did I think anything of it till I got the previously mentioned story.
Also, what was packed up for my daughter as "her stuff" was not all of her stuff and we had to make a run to the store later for a toothbrush and her shampoo. She also didn't get any of her dirty clothes back and A insisted at school that she couldn't find anything else of my daughter's at their house. hmmmmm.
The mom also did not speak the whole night. She just watched TV and would get up to get something for her husband or make him dinner but she didn't speak to A or my daughter and she also did not make them any food. They had some popcorn for "dinner" and made their own breakfast in the morning.
These girls were 16 at the time. I wish my daughter would have called me to say things were a bit odd. I would have come to get her sooner. Since this incident, we now have a code message because she said she didn't know what to say even if she did call me. So now if something is amiss and she is uncomfortable she is to call or message me asking when her next orthodontist appointment is. It lets me think of the reason she has to be picked up and she does not have to feel awkward or in anyway disrespectful. I have also told her it is perfectly acceptable to just say she wants to go home, but I also understand where that can escalate an already bad situation.
Now for why A can't stay the night at our house: Because the one time she did spend the night at our house, her dad would call her randomly, even at 4 am. She missed the call once around 12:30 am and immediately called him back. He was already in his car driving to our house to get her because she didn't answer and I had to listen to a teenager talk her own dad out of a screaming rage. It was disgusting and I am not going to have that around my daughter.
I have not stated as much to my daughter but I am perfectly happy that her and A do not hang out anymore. I have been told that Child Services does have an open and ongoing file about their household, at least as of March of this year. I wish I had known before this all happened, but I am just glad I know now and that my daughter was open enough with me to tell me and I pray that there isn't more that happened that she didn't.
The Fire Trap
My friend and her sister could sleep at our house but my sister and I couldn't sleep at theirs. In college I figured it out - their house was a fire trap. Pathways between stuff like a hoarder's house, the bathtub was full of dirty water constantly, you had to move stuff just to use the toilet, the stairs to the basement (where we would've slept) covered in clothes and only one way out of the basement - the windows were to small to crawl out of if you were larger than an average two year old.
Saw the inside of the house years later and it was like a different house. They had a piano in the living room that I'd never seen before because it was just covered in hoarder crap.
- Notmykl
Not Allowed At Home
The girl was completely disrespectful to our home and honestly too old to be constantly hanging out with out daughter. The girl is 12, our daughter is six. She'd constantly leave trash all outside, on our stairs, inside our couch, floor to where the baby can get..makeup/paint all over our carpets. She didn't care. It didn't matter how much we would ask her not to do it.
At the last and final sleepover, she invited a kid we didn't know to stay with her too. I felt bad because the girl was younger. Until it was 1am and they were blasting music, yelling, and dancing (we live on the 2nd floor) We told them to go to bed and at 730am they were up to the same exact thing.
She started coming over first thing in the morning, staying until late at night. I told her if she was hungry, she had to go home and eat and come back as we didn't have enough food to feed everyone. My husband has been out of work and we're really struggling financially. She only lives 2 doors down, but wouldn't go. Whatever snacks we had for our 3 kids were gone in a day because she ate everything.
Then we found out the why behind all of this.
Come to find out..she "wasn't allowed at home" while her mom was at work. Mom's 24-year-old boyfriend didn't have a job and was at home. The girl was "getting boobs" so mom didn't want to be home alone with him.
There's so much wrong with that statement, but it's what was said. We live in the Arizona heat, so if we weren't home the poor kid would be stuck walking around the complex in the heat. No one else lets her and friends inside because of their behavior - but now that we know what's going in it's perfectly obvious why she was acting out.
And sorry to say, but if mom doesn't trust them alone..why would she trust him when she's there? Many cases of abuse happen when someone is in the other room! It's wrong all around. You do not keep someone around your kids if you can't trust them around them at all times, any given situation.
Just last week the mom sent her to another state for a bit, my daughter misses her... but it's been nice not having my place full of kids (she'd bring friends all the time) all day every single day and eating all the food we don't have. I'm honestly thankful she sent her kids away (Yes, plural. She had already sent her 8-year-old away before this.) for a while. Maybe she'll smarten up before they come back.
Experiencing death is a fascinating and frightening idea.
Who doesn't want to know what is waiting for us on the other side?
But so many of us want to know and then come back and live a little longer.
It would be so great to be sure there is something else.
But the whole dying part is not that great, so we'll have to rely on other people's accounts.
Redditor AlaskaStiletto wanted to hear from everyone who has returned to life, so they asked:
"Redditors who have 'died' and come back to life, what did you see?"
Sensations
Happy Good Vibes GIF by Major League SoccerGiphy"My dad's heart stopped when he had a heart attack and he had to be brought back to life. He kept the paper copy of the heart monitor which shows he flatlined. He said he felt an overwhelming sensation of peace, like nothing he had felt before."
PeachesnPain
Recovery
"I had surgical complications in 2010 that caused a great deal of blood loss. As a result, I had extremely low blood pressure and could barely stay awake. I remember feeling like I was surrounded by loved ones who had passed. They were in a circle around me and I knew they were there to guide me onwards. I told them I was not ready to go because my kids needed me and I came back."
"My nurse later said she was afraid she’d find me dead every time she came into the room."
"It took months, and blood transfusions, but I recovered."
good_golly99
Take Me Back
"Overwhelming peace and happiness. A bright airy and floating feeling. I live a very stressful life. Imagine finding out the person you have had a crush on reveals they have the same feelings for you and then you win the lotto later that day - that was the feeling I had."
"I never feared death afterward and am relieved when I hear of people dying after suffering from an illness."
rayrayrayray
Free
The Light Minnie GIF by (G)I-DLEGiphy"I had a heart surgery with near-death experience, for me at least (well the possibility that those effects are caused by morphine is also there) I just saw black and nothing else but it was warm and I had such inner peace, its weird as I sometimes still think about it and wish this feeling of being so light and free again."
TooReDTooHigh
This is why I hate surgery.
You just never know.
Shocked
Giphy"More of a near-death experience. I was electrocuted. I felt like I was in a deep hole looking straight up in the sky. My life flashed before me. Felt sad for my family, but I had a deep sense of peace."
Admirable_Buyer6528
The SOB
"Nursing in the ICU, we’ve had people try to die on us many times during the years, some successfully. One guy stood out to me. His heart stopped. We called a code, are working on him, and suddenly he comes to. We hadn’t vented him yet, so he was able to talk, and he started screaming, 'Don’t let them take me, don’t let them take me, they are coming,' he was scared and yelling."
"Then he yelled a little more, as we tried to calm him down, he screamed, 'No, No,' and gestured towards the end of the bed, and died again. We didn’t get him back. It was seriously creepy. We called his son to tell him the news, and the son said basically, 'Good, he was an SOB.'”
1-cupcake-at-a-time
Colors
"My sister died and said it was extremely peaceful. She said it was very loud like a train station and lots of talking and she was stuck in this area that was like a curtain with lots of beautiful colors (colors that you don’t see in real life according to her) a man told her 'He was sorry, but she had to go back as it wasn’t her time.'"
Hannah_LL7
"I had a really similar experience except I was in an endless garden with flowers that were colors I had never seen before. It was quiet and peaceful and a woman in a dress looked at me, shook her head, and just said 'Not yet.' As I was coming back, it was extremely loud, like everyone in the world was trying to talk all at once. It was all very disorienting but it changed my perspective on life!"
huntokarrr
The Fog
"I was in a gray fog with a girl who looked a lot like a young version of my grandmother (who was still alive) but dressed like a pioneer in the 1800s she didn't say anything but kept pulling me towards an opening in the wall. I kept refusing to go because I was so tired."
"I finally got tired of her nagging and went and that's when I came to. I had bled out during a c-section and my heart could not beat without blood. They had to deliver the baby and sew up the bleeders. refill me with blood before they could restart my heart so, like, at least 12 minutes gone."
Fluffy-Hotel-5184
Through the Walls
"My spouse was dead for a couple of minutes one miserable night. She maintains that she saw nothing, but only heard people talking about her like through a wall. The only thing she remembers for absolute certain was begging an ER nurse that she didn't want to die."
"She's quite alive and well today."
Hot-Refrigerator6583
Well let's all be happy to be alive.
It seems to be all we have.
Trying to lose weight is a struggle understood by many people regardless of size.
The goal of reaching a healthy weight may seem unattainable, but with diet and exercise, it can pay off through persistence and discipline.
Seeing the pounds gradually drop off can also be a great motivator and incentivize people to stay the course.
Those who've achieved their respective weight goals shared their experiences when Redditor apprenti8455 asked:
"People who lost a lot of weight, what surprises you the most now?"
Redditors didn't see these coming.
Shiver Me Timbers
"I’m always cold now!"
– Telrom_1
"I had a coworker lose over 130 pounds five or six years ago. I’ve never seen him without a jacket on since."
– r7ndom
"140 lbs lost here starting just before COVID, I feel like that little old lady that's always cold, damn this top comment was on point lmao."
– mr_remy
Drawing Concern
"I lost 100 pounds over a year and a half but since I’m old(70’s) it seems few people comment on it because (I think) they think I’m wasting away from some terminal illness."
– dee-fondy
"Congrats on the weight loss! It’s honestly a real accomplishment 🙂"
"Working in oncology, I can never comment on someone’s weight loss unless I specifically know it was on purpose, regardless of their age. I think it kind of ruffles feathers at times, but like I don’t want to congratulate someone for having cancer or something. It’s a weird place to be in."
– LizardofDeath
Unleashing Insults
"I remember when I lost the first big chunk of weight (around 50 lbs) it was like it gave some people license to talk sh*t about the 'old' me. Old coworkers, friends, made a lot of not just negative, but harsh comments about what I used to look like. One person I met after the big loss saw a picture of me prior and said, 'Wow, we wouldn’t even be friends!'”
"It wasn’t extremely common, but I was a little alarmed by some of the attention. My weight has been up and down since then, but every time I gain a little it gets me a little down thinking about those things people said."
– alanamablamaspama
Not Everything Goes After Losing Weight
"The loose skin is a bit unexpected."
– KeltarCentauri
"I haven’t experienced it myself, but surgery to remove skin takes a long time to recover. Longer than bariatric surgery and usually isn’t covered by insurance unless you have both."
– KatMagic1977
"It definitely does take a long time to recover. My Dad dropped a little over 200 pounds a few years back and decided to go through with skin removal surgery to deal with the excess. His procedure was extensive, as in he had skin taken from just about every part of his body excluding his head, and he went through hell for weeks in recovery, and he was bedridden for a lot of it."
– Jaew96
These Redditors shared their pleasantly surprising experiences.
Shopping
"I can buy clothes in any store I want."
– WaySavvyD
"When I lost weight I was dying to go find cute, smaller clothes and I really struggled. As someone who had always been restricted to one or two stores that catered to plus-sized clothing, a full mall of shops with items in my size was daunting. Too many options and not enough knowledge of brands that were good vs cheap. I usually went home pretty frustrated."
– ganache98012
No More Symptoms
"Lost about 80 pounds in the past year and a half, biggest thing that I’ve noticed that I haven’t seen mentioned on here yet is my acid reflux and heartburn are basically gone. I used to be popping tums every couple hours and now they just sit in the medicine cabinet collecting dust."
– colleennicole93
Expanding Capabilities
"I'm all for not judging people by their appearance and I recognise that there are unhealthy, unachievable beauty standards, but one thing that is undeniable is that I can just do stuff now. Just stamina and flexibility alone are worth it, appearance is tertiary at best."
– Ramblonius
People Change Their Tune
"How much nicer people are to you."
"My feet weren't 'wide' they were 'fat.'"
– LiZZygsu
"Have to agree. Lost 220 lbs, people make eye contact and hold open doors and stuff"
"And on the foot thing, I also lost a full shoe size numerically and also wear regular width now 😅"
– awholedamngarden
It's gonna take some getting used to.
Bones Everywhere
"Having bones. Collarbones, wrist bones, knee bones, hip bones, ribs. I have so many bones sticking out everywhere and it’s weird as hell."
– Princess-Pancake-97
"I noticed the shadow of my ribs the other day and it threw me, there’s a whole skeleton in here."
– bekastrange
Knee Pillow
"Right?! And they’re so … pointy! Now I get why people sleep with pillows between their legs - the knee bones laying on top of each other (side sleeper here) is weird and jarring."
– snic2030
"I lost only 40 pounds within the last year or so. I’m struggling to relate to most of these comments as I feel like I just 'slimmed down' rather than dropped a ton. But wow, the pillow between the knees at night. YES! I can relate to this. I think a lot of my weight was in my thighs. I never needed to do this up until recently."
– Strongbad23
More Mobility
"I’ve lost 100 lbs since 2020. It’s a collection of little things that surprise me. For at least 10 years I couldn’t put on socks, or tie my shoes. I couldn’t bend over and pick something up. I couldn’t climb a ladder to fix something. Simple things like that I can do now that fascinate me."
"Edit: Some additional little things are sitting in a chair with arms, sitting in a booth in a restaurant, being able to shop in a normal store AND not needing to buy the biggest size there, being able to easily wipe my butt, and looking down and being able to see my penis."
– dma1965
People making significant changes, whether for mental or physical health, can surely find a newfound perspective on life.
But they can also discover different issues they never saw coming.
That being said, overcoming any challenge in life is laudable, especially if it leads to gaining confidence and ditching insecurities.