Parents Break Down The Exact Moment They Discovered Their Kid Was A Bully And How They Responded
A bully doesn't just magically happen. Bullies are molded. Sometimes they become who they are through violence or it's neglect. Hurt people hurt people. We know this all too well. So that is why when we recognize the signs in young children, we have to squelch it before it's too late. That is a difficult thing for a parent to recognize. But it would do the world a great service if parents stepped up and parented their unruly seed.
Redditor u/Swallowingwallowing wanted parents out there to discuss with the rest us, and hopefully offer some relief in the future of creating better adults by asking them to reveal.... Parents of bullies, when did you realize your child was a bully and how did you react?Nasty Girl
i lived next door to my younger sister's bully. We were constantly going over there to tell the mother "Hey, your kid hit my sister today" or "Hey, your kid bit my sister" and the girls were about 9/10 so she knew better.
The mother denied that her precious pet could do anything like that, a few days later the mother and the kid were at school and I was dropping my sister off, the bully girl walked up to a random younger kid and sucker punched her in the face, about 20 other adults saw, instead of disciplining her kid she started yelling at the kid she punched, calling this poor 9 year old a sl*t, a wh*re and a b***h then raised her hand to hit her, but when another couple of parents started yelling at her and pushing her away this grown ass 35 year old started crying her eyes out that people were calling her out on her bull.
It was a real eye opener that the kids probably pick up their abusive behavior from somewhere.
As it turns out the Mother was a complete psycho and regularly lost and gained custody of her kids because of her behavior, she goes through boyfriends like they're going out of fashion, hit one of them around the head with a rolling pin and cause crap wherever they go, the definition of a Karen, and upon knowing who the Mother's parents are, it's a family thing for sure.
A Fixable Problem
we take care of our girl relative as often as we can (she has her own family, we're just close)
She's 8 now and started bullying when she started school because she thinks she's "dominant".
Underlying reasons are mainly rooted in the household and environment: how she's being treated (mostly by adults), how people react to her actions, how she's being reprimanded, methods (and how often) she's disciplined, who she's surrounded by, etc.
Still hard to fix right now, but best method: keep calm and explain to the child. Cause-effect, consequences, the feelings and situation of the victim, etc. Remember that you're dealing with a kid, don't just scold them and expect em to see at your level of maturity and understanding. Explain, talk it out. Their stubbornness will get in the way, but stay firm and ease your way into their trust and comfort. Child Psychology, learn it.
She's not intentionally bad... Just that her jokes come off as sarcasm at such a young age, to the point of insult sometimes. We found out from her teachers and classmates. Problem: her household doesn't see this as an issue to address and actually celebrates her cleverness. But even when they do, their way of discipline obviously apparently doesn't work.
"i thought it was a brownie"
My parents thought i was a bully, i bit a kid in preschool cuz he had a huge brown freckle on his arm. Im talking 1.5 inch (38mm) diameter large. Parents took me to the kids house to apologize and help the other parents know why i did it. Literally told them "i thought it was a brownie" and i literally thought it was. So i wasn't truly a bully but more of a complete moron but for a few days 2 sets of parents believed i was the anti christ at 4 years old.
In elementary school
I was acquainted with a bully early on in elementary school. The way too aggressive type. I remember my other friends and I incidentally had similar stories of the bully trying to drown us in the local pool. He would punch kids all the time for no reason, and was extremely defensive, and mentally weak - even for an 8 year old. Despite it all, his parents were very nice, but spoiled him a fair amount. One day, on the first day of school that year, he was gone and nobody knew what happened. We assumed he moved away until 6 years later.
My friends and I were all playing soccer at the park across from the bully's house when suddenly we all spotted the bully atop his backyard play structure, fighting a younger man with a toy lightsaber. We all then came to the consensus that he had been sheltered for the past 6 years and most likely never left the house. Which I guess is one way to deal with a bully.
Sorry Matt....
Not a parent yet, but I took a dip into bullying for a bit.
For the most part, I was the one everyone picked on (for no real reason other than I behaved differently than pretty much everyone else). I was near the bottom of the totem pole, but they considered one lower than me. A rather plump kid by the name of Matt. I saw the other kids bullying him and making fun of him. I was feeling bitter that day and said something about him when his back was turned. The popular kids loved it.
For a week or two, I continued seeking this praise. The praise of being an @sshole. I don't remember the exact turning point, but one day I reflected upon myself. I thought "what am I doing?"
Eventually, I started seeking amends with him. He was very forgiving once I apologized, and we even became friends for the next few years. We ended up going to different high schools, but we even ran into each other when I went to a choir contest his school was hosting. We talked for hours. I'm glad I stopped when I did, because at the end of the day, an oversized belly is worlds better than an oversized ego any day.
The Bad Clique
My kid is fairly popular, more than I ever was, and I'm ashamed to admit I was conflicted when I learned from their school that they're part of a clique that bullies others.
My first thought should've been disappointment, but instead it was "I'm glad he doesn't have to put up with bullying like I had to as a kid." It was an instinctual response that borders on tribalism, i.e. I'd rather have my kid be a popular bully than be an unpopular victim.
But afterwards I approached it logically and sat him down, shared with him my experiences during school and how bullies nearly ruined my childhood. My kid respects me and hasn't seen me that vulnerable before, so it ended up making an impact. I'm sure though as long as he sticks with that same social circle he will still be in situations where he looks the other way on bullying. I can only continue to try and guide him to the best of my ability.
It was me....
I am a parent but of only a 4 year old. But I was a huge bully in high school and I'm such an idiot it never even dawned on me until I was like maybe 21-22. I did horrible stuff just for laughs. But I made it a priority to personally apologize to everyone formally and in person since then. It's one of my highest priorities as a father to ensure my son embraces everyone as a friend when he gets older.
She also whooped me.
I was a bully in middle school and high school and was bullied as well. I never saw myself as a bully because I was constantly picked on and made fun of and didn't realize how many people's feelings I was hurting.
It honestly took a trip to the office freshman year for me to come face to face with the fact that I was making other people feel bad about themselves.
My mom sat me down and reminded me of my insecurities and how I used to come home and cry. She told me if I wanted to make other people hate me like I hated my bullies, then I should keep on doing what I'm doing.
She also whooped me. I made reparations and try to be better than I am. I have a tough mom.
She is who she is....
My parents realized my youngest sister was a bully when she was like 6 and now she's 16 and they still haven't done anything about it.
Time Out Son.
Not so much bullying, but being abrasive in online gaming chats. With everything locked down I've been (very happily!) able to spend more time with both of my Sons. My youngest, 15, is very competitive when it comes to online gaming. Currently Rocket League, but it's been Fortnite etc in the past. So I'm at my desk and he's at his and I hear some fairly toxic stuff that he's saying to team mates one night. I told him game time was over, shut it down.
Proceeded to have a front porch talk about what being a good team mate is all about and how supporting the team was always a better idea than dragging people down or making them ashamed. He was pretty responsive, logged back into discord and apologized to the guys/gals he'd been teamed with and we haven't had an incident since then. I'm very proud of him, if you can't tell.
Garfield the Cat....
Several answers here are along the lines of "one of the things that makes a bully is lack of attention". My parents love me more than life itself, and yet I was still a bully in my elementary years. I couldn't tell you why exactly, other than just saying 'autism', which is no excuse. My parents did not allow the teachers to use that as an excuse, and made sure I was appropriately punished. And I am so grateful for that.
Anyway, most autistic children have the one thing they obsess over. For me, it was Garfield the cat. Every phone call from the principal, one Garfield thing was taken away, and it broke my parent's hearts, but it worked.
Edit: I consulted my mother to see if she had any insight as to the reason. Best guess is lack of regard for other people's feelings.
Edit 2: please stop recommending r/Imsorryjon to me. If I wanted to ruin my childhood, I'd already be subscribed to that subreddit.
"do no wrong'"
All I know is that my wife is a teacher, and when she tells parents about their kid being mean, or a bully, or anything 'bad', they just say crap like "he doesn't do that at home, he's a good boy, you must be lying, or the other kids are lying" the parents at her school are affluent and can 'do no wrong'.
Parents, please listen to your children's teachers.
"Us vs. Them"
You should know that one of the major forming factors for bullies can be parents paying no attention at all, so the replies you get may be limited by that. Bullying is often more of a dysfunctional attempt at socializing than it is real sadism or manipulation. It depends on which bullying problems you're looking at, of course. But lots of it like harassment-teasing targeting peers that are perceived as weaker is actually an attempt to force camaraderie with others by creating an "Us vs. Them" environment.
My Son.
My son was a bully.
1st grade I started getting noticed from his teacher that he was throwing sand at girls and stabbing people with a pencil. I talked to him and he had crazy first grade reasons like "she was being mean first". I told him it's not cool and to knock it off. Every teacher meeting I would tell them to let me know and I'll punish him.
Second grade. I meet the teacher. I warn her that I think he's a bully and to watch him. Now he's being mean to specific people. Anyone that can't run fast etc. I'm thinking to myself... I can't watch him all the time, what do I do. At home I start punish him but it doesn't really do anything. All teacher conferences main agenda is bullying.
Third grade. I meet the teacher and warn her we have a bully on our hands. Same crap happens. I'm reading a book on the subject and I read a passage that says if you call a kid a bully he lives up to the role. Hmmmm let the experiment begin.
From that day I stopped calling him a bully and started saying things like "your going to help your teacher today right? You are a good boy. Make me proud by being a helper". Almost night and day. The calls stopped. The next teacher conference, the teacher said how helpful he was.
He's in 8the grade now. No bully calls. I make him do volunteer work weekly just in case. He still does crazy crap like attacking kids that are mean to girls but no bullying. I don't know if I caught it in time or if my kid just needed coaching but it worked.
In Girl Scouts.
Not my story but my mom's/friend's mother: a friend of mine became a bully in middle school. My mom and her mom were friends when we were kids in Girl Scouts (we played together but went our own way more and more when she started to become mean). There was this community event about bullying for Girl Scouts I think and my mom went to support the organizer and because I'd been bullied for years. She wanted to find ways to support me and resolved troop conflicts.
This friends mom went and my mom saw her, she's since left the troop and it had been a few years, and was surprised. Asked her if her daughter had been bullied too. She responded "no, my daughters become a bully and I'm embarrassed. I want to understand why she's doing this and try to teach her how much she's hurting others." My mom was really really impressed because this woman, prior to this conversation, was kind but rather aloof and ignored a lot of the previous "young girls picking on each other in Girl Scouts/clubs", passing it off as just normal kid issues.
It was almost like she'd finally flicked a switch and realized that her daughter's behavior had been progressively getting worse over the years and she, as a mom, had just ignored it until it got to a very serious point. I'm not sure what came if it, but from other people who went to high school with her, she apparently became less of a true bully and started to act more kindly. I always wondered how those conversations went.
The Cousins.
know I got one of my old bullies hard when, on suggestion from one of my cousins to invite said bullies to my birthday party (7 total, only one showed) and proceeded to introduce the kid as "the craphead who beats me up every day" even called him that in front of his mom. I know at some point the kids mom had a discussion with my mom (I'll ask if she remembers how it went) and after about 20 minutes they up and left.
Never had a issue with him afterwards.
Update... talked to mom, she doesn't remember the exact words that were used but the conversation was basically bully's mom saying I was being rude to my guest and was using foul language I shouldn't use. To which my mom proceeded to tell her all the crap this kid and his little circle of goons did to me, my mom was actually going to pull me aside and show the lady the bruises I had on me from him and the other bullies when she decided to leave.
"I'm sorry"
I used to (verbally) bully a neighborhood-kid. I think we were around 7 or 8 years old or so. She was deaf and therefore talked a bit weird. At one point we were being mean towards her and it got so bad she jumped on her bike to get away from us and she lost her balance and fell, chafing her chin and palms. She starts crying, and at the same time laughing but also panic and remorse on our side ensued.
Not long after I got home, her mother called mine and my mum was very upset and angry with me. She said she was taking me to the toy store and told me to bring my pocket money and buy this girl a gift as an apology. Also I had personally go to her house, ring the bell, come in, gift her the present and say I'm sorry, that it was hurtful what i did and would never do it again.
I remember feeling so bad, I cried harder than she did when she fell of her bike earlier that afternoon. I was so ashamed of myself and horrified that my mum was so mad at me. The girl asked me why I did this to her and I just could not answer the question. I just wept like a baby on my own mothers lap, mumbling "I'm sorry" between sobs.
For sure my parents taught me a lesson.
Fallen Apples.
Not until he started 5th grade. He was super close to his grandpa (wife's dad) and when he died it destroyed him and his behavior changed. Few weeks after the funeral this kids mom called my wife saying things my kid was saying and doing. Not the school mind you. We had a parent teacher conference days BEFORE she called. Teacher didn't say a word. We talked to him.
Your first reaction is to protect your kid and not accept it, but we can tell by the way he was reacting to the discussion. We arranged a playdate of sorts. We monitor it now. He talks to a therapist to. He's a good kid just makes terrible decisions. As a father of 4 we've been on the other end of it as well and usually if the kids an a**hole so is one or both of the parents. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree at times.
Worth it.
I was the victim until I paid older kids in snacks to beat up the people bullying me. I made sure they knew I had caused their injuries.
You see the snack transaction was a one time thing but the bullies thought the older kids that beat them up were my mates... and i kept that lie alive.
Less than 3 quid to take out a hit on my tormentors. 👍
Worth it.
It's Me.
A bunch of friends and myself were sitting around one day talking about school and we got to the subject of being bullied. As I sat there listening, I realized that I didn't have a story to tell. This is when I also realized I was the bully.
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Comedy is in a very tricky place right now.
There is so much to NOT laugh about in this world.
In truth, many of us have forgotten how to laugh.
And certain jokes that are told, make people afraid to laugh.
So what do we do?
We tell inappropriate jokes apparently.
Let's hear some...
Redditor CrewCreation wanted to hear some "risky" comedy. So they asked:
"What’s the best morbid joke you know?"
***WARNING: THIS ARTICLE CONTAINS SENSITIVE MATERIAL. PROCEED WITH CAUTION!***
I can't think of anything hilarious at the moment. Make us LOL.
Lady
"I have this friend, love him to bits, but his wife has a tendency of just constantly showing everyone pictures of their son at every social event. At the start it was understandable, but now I'm just like 'Lady, it's been two years; they're not going to find him.'"
UnoriginalUse
at 9am...
"Not the most morbid but I love Anthony Jeselnik’s story about his neighbor who has Alzheimer’s. 'One of my next door neighbors is a 90 year old man suffering from Alzheimer’s. And every single morning at 9am he knocks on my door and asks me if I have seen his wife.'"
"'Which means that every single morning at 9am I have to explain to a 90 year old man suffering from Alzheimer’s that his wife has been dead for quite some time. Now I’ve thought about moving. I have thought about just not answering my door in the morning. But to be honest, it’s worth it… just to see the smile on his face.”
dreagan021
Comedy?
"Why can't orphans play baseball? They don't know where home is."
GW2RNGR
"Why can't orphans play tennis? They get confused when they hear love."
JayDub506
People who make comedy are evil. LOL.
The Darkness
"Dark humor is like food; not everyone gets it."
storm_the_castle
God Laughs?
"A Holocaust survivor dies and goes to heaven, where she meets God. To break the tension she tells God a joke about the Holocaust, but God doesn’t laugh. The lady shrugs and says 'I guess you had to be there.'"
“'I guess you had to be there' is a common expression used when someone doesn’t laugh at a joke. It means that the comedy may not translate without the context of the situation."
"In this case the Holocaust survivor is saying it, meaning that during the Holocaust God was nowhere to be found. It’s not really a joke about the Holocaust, but the absurdity of belief in a benevolent God. Hilarious right?"
semimillennial
Oh Baby
"How many dead babies does it take to fix a light bulb? More than 3 cause my garage is still dark."
sirnibs3
I don't know whether to laugh or cry. Because I don't know what it says about us as people if we laugh. Oye.
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Life can change in an instant.
It can always change for the better.
Just ask any lottery winner.
Sadly, life can also take a turn for the worst and leave people shattered beyond repair.
Watching someone's life fall apart in a short amount of time is difficult.
You have to wonder if there really is such a thing as karma, bad luck, or Voodoo.
Redditor OkImagination5852 wanted to hear about the times we've been witness to personal disaster. They asked:
"People who witness a person's life crumble in a single day, what happened?"
I have lived through a lot of bad days. But thankfully they've been one disaster at a time days. So I guess I'm lucky.
Horror
"A friend of a friend had his entire family killed overnight. He was from my college and was home visiting his family. His parents, siblings, and extended family were all there together. One night, while they were all asleep, his father got up, took out a gun, and went on a shooting spree. He then killed himself."
"Everyone except this guy died on the spot. When my friend visited him at the hospital, the guy was still in shock. He had no idea why his father did that. This was more than a decade ago, and I have no idea how he's doing now."
DeadOnDeparture98
The IRS Called
"Knew a guy who had a nice house, wife, 3 kids. Machine shop in his garage, Snap On tool truck, sign out front, great mechanic. Never incorporated, didn't pay taxes on his business, cash only. Took nice vacations, bought a boat, then a camper. Five years later, the IRS came. I don't know what they estimated he owed but they seized everything. He lives alone in a trailer now."
Nobody_Wins_13
2 at Once
"My mom’s dad and dad’s mom both died on the same day. Completely unrelated. We were pretty messed up for awhile. It was 2010. Mom's dad had emphysema (lifetime smoker) and was pretty sick for a few weeks. I was in college at the time and came home to be with him, because we knew he was about to pass. Dad's mom was in the nursing home, as she had had a stroke and also had dementia (she often thought I was my dad, she thought we were in the 70s, etc.)."
"She took a turn for the worst, and so my dad left the hospice my grandpa was at and went to be with her. The towns they were in were about an hour apart, so I stayed behind with my mom to comfort her when her dad passed. A few hours go by, and he passes peacefully (huge thanks to the hospice workers for their respect and grace during this time)."
"Within an hour or so of his passing, we get a call from my dad saying that his mother had passed as well. It was a terribly dark day in our family, and the next couple years for me in college were pretty much a blur. Thankfully, things got better in time and we are all doing well now."
She lost everything...
"Her husband left her after previously persuading her to remortgage their house to save his business and he's already made her take multiple credit cards out in her name. She lost everything. He did it the week after their youngest turned 18 so he wouldn't have to pay child support. He'd obviously been planning for years."
Ieatclowns
a black sheep...
"My cousin was in a motorcycle accident with her boyfriend. Her boyfriend died. She broke her back. When she was in the hospital she learned she was pregnant. It's been 16 years and we're still trying our best, she took an all too familiar path of drugs, burning bridges and more pregnancies."
"At this point she's fairly stable and clean as far as I know but a bit of a black sheep. Her mother has custody of all one of her kids. She has her youngest and seems to be doing good by her, but who knows. It's been hard on everyone, especially her mother and her brother."
Paradigm6790
Well this is the stuff of nightmares. I'm grateful for every moment I have alive.
Several lawsuits are filed...
"Here is multiple lives ruined in an instant. A friend was over at some other people house, drugs were involved. They had been playing with a gun. My friend points the gun at a girl, pulls the trigger and shoots her in the head. Girl dies, friend gets locked up until he turns 18. Parents at the house get arrested because they knew what the kids were doing. Friends mom goes into a depression and ends up getting evicted from her house. Several lawsuits are filed."
sentondan
Gone Forever
"It was me... got in a car accident and suffered a traumatic spinal and brain injury that I had no chance of surviving... a 7 vertebrae spinal fusion, yrs of physical and mental therapy... 18 yrs later and the pieces, though many forever gone, are finally coming back together."
2boneskuLL
A Bad Night
"He trashed his fathers vacation house with an axe before setting it on fire, stabbed the neighbor nearly to death, stole their car and then crashed it into a cop car so bad the cops were injured. He also got his girl pregnant, so once he is out of prison they're gonna start a family."
Dumbing_It_Down
"dangerous"
"Pregnant friend found out husband (43) was having an affair with young woman (19) who was a volunteer at their ecolodge. Friend had 'dangerous' pregnancy and had to spend a lot of time in bed. This betrayal destroyed their marriage, split the little town where they lived and caused two employees to quit because witnessing the affair going on was just too painful."
"She had a beautiful baby girl (to go with her other two girls, lol) and after the breakup was clinically depressed. Worked hard and got a divorce (she had a great lawyer); got the business back on track; beat her depression and now is planning a great vacation trip with her girls."
"Meantime, Dad has generous visitation but just 'hasn't gotten around to' buying a car seat so he can pick up the baby and for a long time asked my friend, 'Can you drop the girls off at my Mom's?'"
NoBSforGma
Lost it All...
"Recently, I know of a guy that had borrowed all his family’s life savings for the most part to participate in the whole game stop stock thing happening… he lost every penny of his money (credit card advances), and his parents retirement, and every other dime he could get… it makes me sick to even think of it."
Bangbangsmashsmash
Well those are A LOT of bad days. Good luck to all of you.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/
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Those who are wealthy have the luxury of acquiring the best of the best–whether it's dinner at a Michelin-starred restaurant or status-identifying clothing from Chanel or Yves Saint Laurent.
But even the rich have their limits when it comes to frivolous spending before casting judgment on friends or colleagues.
Curious to hear examples of this, Redditor Sasquatchfl asked:
"Rich people of Reddit, what's the craziest/most unethical thing you've seen people in your circle spend money on?"
Expensive experiences were a priority over prized possessions.
Live Sushi
"An ex worked for Dell in the late 90s/early 2000s. He was pretty high up and there were lots of partiers in his work circle. Went to a party hosted by one of the dellionaires and there was a body sushi girl. I don’t know what was paid to her, but it was one of the most ridiculous things I’ve ever seen."
– 5hrs4hrs3hrs2hrs1mor
Pissing Contest
"Paid a group of homeless guys to only use the bathroom on a competitors business. Eventually bought that place for a massive discount."
– Haboobalub
Let's Work Out
"My mother woke up one morning and said she felt she was way too fat and she wanted to get a treadmill. The treadmill wouldn’t be a problem, but then she saw where it would be and didn’t like the lighting. Fast forward 2 months later there’s a 40k outdoor gym built and connected to the house. She hasn’t used it once."
– Herrera5449_
Taking A Leap
"Travelled with a bunch of ex 'friends' all fairly wealthy."
"First trip to SE Asia together and as an ex-local I was a de-facto tour guide (despite not being there in over a decade)"
"They somehow found and offered a bunch of kids diving off cliffs to jump for spare change."
"They increasingly challenged each other to land their coins as close to the cliff base and small surrounding rocks for the kids to dive for."
– Satakans
It's about the finer things in life.
Expensive Party Gag
"A 3k ouija board from Gwen Paltrow's store. I didn't even know it was a thing until the dude brought it out. I really wanted to cut it up and see what it was made from. Looked nice don't get me wrong but the thing is basically a party gag. For 3 grand, it better summon a demon that's all I'm saying."
– con_this
Slow Burn
"$600 USD for a candle."
– Jeffranks
It's not always about the things you acquire.
Minor Inconvenience
"I know a guy who went to get a new drivers license and had to pay ~$100k in back parking tickets, then joked about it after."
"Apparently he couldn't get a permit to park in front of his house, so he just did anyway, and accepted like a $200 fine everyday."
– melodyze
For A Successful Election
"Not me, but I know a guy who crowd funded (read: threw a bunch of money into, then solicited more at a flea market) $80,000 toward his friend's DA election campaign. The guy won. So far, this has paid back at least $120K in avoided legal fees. I know some rich people. Most of them are more boring than you think. Hell, most of them drive Hondas, Toyotas, and Nissans."
– KP_Wrath
The Lance Corporal
"I was stationed with a Lance Corporal who was wealthy beyond means after selling some of his patents. He owned and piloted four helicopters. Lived in a palatial waterfront house in Jacksonville, NC."
"The cheapest one cost 400K. That's the one he trained on. The most expensive was about 1.2 million. That's 1.2 million 1981 dollars. The two he's got now are about 5 million each."
"Had a floating landing pad out back moored to his dock and another landing pad in the back yard. Kept two helicopters and a Rolls inside his custom-built hangar at Norfolk International Airport."
"He drove a pair of Rolls-Royces. He also toyed with a 900K Miami-Vice type speedboat. He also housed and transported his squad to Camp Lejeune and back in a custom mini-bus."
– ApplicationConnect55
The dude was very giving and lived a very clean life. He'd fly us to Norfolk, pickup the car and we'd do our shopping and eating. Hop in a chopper and return home. He'd fly his fire team down to Miami on weekends. He kept a Limo there and wore a chauffer's outfit and did all the driving.
He bought a full-service and licensed pub in Northern Ireland. He lives there with his wife. Does a lot of charity work there. We still keep in touch."
– ApplicationConnect55
When there's plenty of money going around, there's no need to worry about a single thing.
That peace of mind is a luxury in itself.
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When marriages or relationships fall apart, infidelity is not always the cause.
Curious to hear from strangers online, Redditor Liam_Tang asked:
"People who've divorced, aside from adultery, what were the irreconcilable differences that ended the marriage?"

You think you know a person when you walk down the aisle.
These Redditors were in for a rude awakening.
Pet Neglect
"My wife divorced her ex for many reasons, but the final straw was when she went out of town for a few days, and when she got back he had not fed or given water to the dog. The dog lived a long and happy life after that."
– StrangeCrimes
Obsessed With A Crush
"Not me, but I had an old coworker that divorced his wife for spending their entire savings on candy crush and games of the same type."
– Hexis40
Compatibility Musts
"ITT: Intimacy (sex/romance), beliefs (religion/spirituality/politics), kids, and I haven’t seen it yet but it’s coming: finances."
"The big four. You REALLY need to discuss these things in detail BEFORE getting married."
– rabbiskittles
Physical violence is a legit reason for people to peace out of a relationship.
The Flattening
"She threatened to hit me with a hammer."
– michaelrohansmith
Hitting The Bottle
"She became an abusive alcoholic. It was sad but I had to get out."
– diegojones4
Emotional pain is too damaging to recover from.
Truth Hurts
"She told me as we stood in front of the judge ending our 7 year marriage, 'I never loved you, I just wanted kids.'"
– Pinch_Dogs
Can't Fix Angry
"She was beautiful/smart but an angry angry person. I thought I could be sweet to her and 'fix' that. Heh. She kicked the crap out of me emotionally. Wife II has been a walk in the roses for 32 years now :)"
– lowlandr
A change of heart is worthless if comes too late.
"We Could've Had A Nice Marriage
"He could not understand that my wants and needs were as important as his wants and needs. We tried to make it work for 7 years. During that time, for things that were really important to me, I tried explaining logically, asking nicely, begging, crying, yelling, passive aggressiveness... cycled back through all of these options multiple times."
"(If I knew something was important to him, I would do that. For example, he was really into sports, so I went to all his events, even though that is not at all my thing.) When I finally threw up my hands and told him it was time to get a divorce, he suddenly panicked and said 'What can I do? Do you want me to do half the chores? I'll do it! Do you want me to get a job? I'll do it! Do you want me to buy you presents for your birthday? I'll do it!'"
"So, in other words, he could have been doing that all along, but just couldn't be bothered. That made me so angry. We could have had a nice marriage that we both enjoyed, but no, by the time he saw the light, that ship had sailed."
"We are both happily remarried now (to different people) and I joke that his new wife owes me a thank you note. It was his experience with me that taught him to listen to her and take her needs seriously."
– Bluebird-True
"What Can I Do?"
"My ex was exactly like this. I didn't marry him but when I told him let's break up, he went all like, what can I do? Let's get engaged, let's look at houses, etc. Basically all the pre-marriage topics that we should be discussing about after being together for 7 years."
"I got so angry and straight up told him it's too late... I don't need you anymore."
– gudetarako
As much as a couple wants to stay together, unforeseen circumstances can eventually tear people apart.
Very few people can maintain healthy long-distance relationships.
When a new job opportunity takes a significant other away, would you begrudge them for wanting a better position to earn more money? Or is it better for them to reluctantly turn down the opportunity so they could stay with you? Do either scenarios breed resentment?
These were questions I've often asked myself with past relationships, and my answers varied depending on the person I was with.
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