If there's one thing that parents won't admit, it's the fact that they may have regretted having children. Whether it was for personal preference, financial reasons, or anything in between, they finally were able to confess to Reddit their true thoughts.
u/jaytoles asked: People who regret having kids: why?
Protecting them from trauma.
It fills me with fear and worry about their future. It's like having your heart outside of your body. I don't want to live but I have to for their sake, and I know there's so much out there I can't protect them from.
I don't personally regret having a kid at all, but I completely understand that first sentiment.
I was mercilessly bullied in grade school, and when she started school it didn't even cross my mind that it would happen to her because she's so sweet and happy and fun and friendly.
Then I went to my first father daughter dance with her, she was in KINDERGARTEN and I watched a few of the slightly older girls (same grade) just absolutely treat her awful. On a night that was so much fun I had my heart break in two.
Since then she'll come home every so often and tell me something, we'll try to work with her or her teacher to get it fixed but every day as I kiss her on the forehead before she goes to school I silently pray that she won't get the same treatment I got.
Can't just chill out anymore.
Giphy
Life is much easier without them. I love my kids...but there are definitely days I question our decision to have them. Mine are both around age 5 (boys), and they're just so hyper - as I type this, they're arguing in the backseat because one of them wants quiet time and the other wants to sing (don't worry, I'm not the driver.) You're constantly either correcting someone, listening to shrieking (sometimes happy, sometimes not), whining, arguing, needing to get up to get them stuff or play with them or teach them, etc.
It just requires constant attention, and that wears me down more than I had anticipated. Your downtime to watch TV and just chill out and not think about anything? Gone for many years, along with the ability to be spontaneous. Want to eat out? Have to find a kid appropriate place, make sure you have some crayons or something to keep them quietly occupied, and you'll spend most of dinner working on building their restaurant manners. Life is just a whole lot more tiring.
(I realize this response sounds like I hate my kids. I don't. Like all parts of life, there are ups and downs. But I do feel like society, especially people deciding if they want kids, would benefit from more people being willing to talk about the hard parts.)
It can be draining.
I can't say I "regret" having had kids, but I often think my life would be better had I not. Parenting is difficult under the best circumstances, but it's a roll of the dice. If you have a child with medical or developmental problems it is a tremendous drain. I feel like I've aged about 20 years in the last 5, like I'm just a ghost of my former self.
This is a tough one.
I don´t have kids yet, but I know someone who regrets having kids; my mother.
They (my mom and my father) wanted two daughters, but after multiple failed attempts, they settled with having just one daughter. They were all fine with having just one kid. Dad´s condom got broken, I was born as a male, not as female, dad started feeling overwhelmed, started dating his current wife when I was 4, my parents got divorced, 14 years passed, and here we are.
My parents care only about my sister. Dad only talks to her. My mom told me on multiple occasions, ever since I was 6, that she hates me. I was hugged by my dad only once in my entire life. My mom hugged me only three of four times in my entire life. I was the reason my parents got divorced. Ever since I was born my dad was cheating on my mom with multiple women (one of them got kicked out of his work due to their relationship interfering with their work). She keeps telling me that she regrets having me and that she should have went for an abortion. Even during the divorce process, they were haggling over my sister, but when I was discussed in court, not one of them wanted me, so the court assigned me to my mom´s custody, along with my sister.
She even suggested joint custody, which worked for about a year, until my father couldn´t bear having me every other week and watching me (he truly didn´t care a single bit about me and hated me). My sister rarely went to visit my father, only about once or twice for one night every month. This worked for about a year until my mother was able to ask for higher alimonies, which required her to have full custody of me and my sister. And, since my father had the short end of the stick and only one lawyer, my mom won.
As for my sister; After all of this, my sister turned out to be a pretty awful person. Selfish, spoiled brat that went to study for a lawyer. Without our grandma´s connections and friends, she wouldn't get a single thing she has in her life. On top of that, she committed some crimes, which forced her ex-boyfriend to escape the country. She emotionally manipulates everyone so that they do what she wants. So yes, she is possibly the worst person in our family.
Now I´m living with my mom. I´m 19 and in university, studying to become teacher of English language and ethics. I want to move away from this town and be a teacher somewhere else where me and my girlfriend can get a decent job. I want to be a good father to my children and good teacher for my future students.
I don´t want anyone to go through what I went through. When I will have the means to do so, I will be cutting ties with my family, and possibly even changing my last name. I don´t want my children to know anyone from my family, because I don´t want them to be influenced by their toxic personalities.
Don't have kids if you like to sleep.
Giphy
I don't regret the kids I have, but I do regret not waiting until we were a little older and more settled to start having kids. I feel we struggle much more financially that we might have if we had waited.
Our youngest is 3 and we haven't slept more than a dozen nights in his life. So if you are particularly invested in sleeping through the night, don't have kids.
Nothing but worry.
I'm a parent that mostly doesn't regret, but there's a constant stress. Money concerns are not fun, but there's a lot of other stuff too. Toddlers can choke or get kidnapped New drivers can die in a crash (happened a couple times at my high school). Teenage pregnancies. Seems like there's always something to worry about.
Is it immoral?
I sometimes feel guilty about the world I have brought them into, and wonder about whether having kids in general (bringing innocents into a world where they will definitely suffer) isn't immoral.
Again, DON'T have kids if you like sleep.
Giphy
It's just easier without them. On the rare occasions my kids are on sleep overs a single evening can seem like a six week summer break due to not having issues with dinner, getting ready for bed and going to bed.
My youngest has night terrors so I think in the last decade or so, even after the baby crying in the night stage, we've had maybe twenty or thirty nights of unbroken sleep. It's just crazy the amount of time, money and energy you put into raising kids.
Valid.
Extreme poverty. And not very much hope of escaping the poverty. Child support can be a real b*tch.
Wow.
Not me but my Mom once told me she considered aborting her first child (my older brother) and not having me or my younger sisters after that. She says that her life would have been WAY different, she could've graduated college and got a good job. But she still loves us and can't imagine her life without us now.
That's a good idea.
Giphy
I regret my mother having kids - not only because I wish I didn't exist but because she wasn't ready. I'm not sure she ever would have been. Don't get me wrong, I love her and I know she loves us with all her heart, but she just had us because she got pregnant and she just got lucky that none of us have any expensive physical needs that she would have been entirely too poor to deal with as a single mother. She also has never been aware of things like depression or anger issues and so she can't recognise them at all, particularly in my horribly spoiled and violent younger sister.
I think a lot of eldest daughters feel this was but I feel like the second parent or her emotional support daughter or something. I'm always dragged in to help mother the others and play the bad cop because she can't be strict. As much as I love her, she's the reason I think there should be a course every parent should have to take before having a child. Some people just are not emotionally intelligent enough and just winging it can have some serious side effects on your kid.
Also just a side note because I sound very judgemental for someone without kids - I'd be a terrible mother so my tubes are getting tied.
Ups and downs.
I don't regret it per se, however I was pregnant with my first child when I was 19 (36 now) so I've lived my entire adult life being a parent. I've missed out on a lot and they've missed out on a lot with me not being ready and wise enough to be a good parent. It's very exhausting and tiring. I used to spend a lot of time regretting having children, but I feel like I'm on the home stretch now. Almost.
Having said all of this, I adore my kids with my all my heart and I have a super special relationship with my youngest. All in all I say parenting is like an elevator. It has its ups and downs.
Fair point.
It's like having a pet.
Except you have to feed, cloth, nurture, medicate, educate, enlighten, entertain, and always be there for them.
In short, it's a full time job that requires zero qualifications, the pay is potentially amazing and potentially horrible, and if you f**k up badly enough you're going to jail.
Say goodbye to sleep.
Giphy
Parenting is a pain in the a**.
Anybody would tell you that I am a great dad and I love and care for my kid to no end.
But I absolutely am not having another one. They have a way of making your life about them. There are no days off.
I remember a time my wife and I could just leave at 3 in the morning to grab a snack. Not anymore.
We could fly to a different country without having to stay up on the whole plane ride with the kid. Have you ever had jetlag? That is some serious sleep and imagine not being able to get that sleep because your toddler is up and ready to go.
They are demanding. They need all your attention. They are expensive.
They are also cute and show you love and affection like nobody else. They are forgiving and often easily happy.
But I just know that I am not cut out for it. The one I have, I'll give him the world. But I am not having any more.
That's so sad.
There was a comment down below that reminded me of this story, but I feel it was inappropriate to respond directly to that comment because it would come across as insensitive. So here it is.
There was a guy in the neighborhood growing up. Nice neighborhood, probably a nice family. I didn't know them personally. But their house was on one of two main ways out of the neighborhood so we were always driving past. Apparently this guy really, really, really wanted a son. He didn't get one, he got three daughters instead. And apparently they were really girly daughters, as in none of them wanted to play basketball, softball, or any other sports. So this guy put up a basketball goal anyway. He was always out there shooting hoops by himself. It seems kind of sad.
Of course, most of the time, it was “just a phase". And looking back, those phases are regrettable, to say the least. Here are some prime examples of that.
SirGergoyFriendman asked:
What was your biggest/most regrettable "It's not a phase, mom. It's my life." that, in fact, turned out to be just a phase and not your life?
The enthusiasm of a young person can lead to some unexpected changes that parents are just not ready for.
Hi, Wheeljack!
I was VERY into The Transformers when I was a wee lad in the 1980s. One day, I decided to change my name to the name of my favorite Autobot. My name was lame, and I wanted an awesome Transformer name. And I was VERY insistent that my parents only call me by my new name. Calling me by my 'old' name would cause a big fat tantrum on my part.
So for the better part of a week, my poor parents had to call me Wheeljack.
Very 2008.
Ariana Grande Shrug GIFGiphyMy cat-ear phase. I wore cat ears every single day. Everywhere. I had like 20 pairs of them. Now everyone thinks I'm a furry.
I find that very cute and wouldn't have thought you'd be furry. Even if you'd had cat mittens. I think my suspicions would have started if you moved a bit like a cat, displayed catlike grooming habits or got a cat mask.
Not gonna lie, that car sounds cool.
I went to a car show once as a teen, and the only newer car there was some chick's PT cruiser. It was hot glittery pink, and at the time I was obsessed. I insisted that one day I would have a hot pink car, with pink seats, pink dash, pink carpets, etc. I was pretty heavily goth at the time, so my parents just rolled their eyes.
These phases can often lead to some very strange fashion choices.
That’s commitment.
When I was a teenager (early 00s), I was waiting for my mother to pick me up and was wearing one of those sh!tty sports wristwatches. It was itching me so I took it off for a second, but then she arrived and because I was struggling to get it back on my wrist, I looped it around the equally sh!tty chain I had around my neck in a rush to get out the door.
My mom asked me about it in the car, and I told her this was my new style and I planned to wear it like that every day. She rolled her eyes.
I wore that watch on a chain around my neck every single day for 3 years or so. There are even professional family photos where I'm wearing it because I refused to take it off.
One day, the chain broke and I lost the watch. I was in high school at that point anyway and it was a major lady repellent, so... phase over.
Not everyone can be Eminem.
slim shady eminem GIFGiphyBaggy pants, being a rapper someday and being a professional skater.
When I was about 14 and Eminem was starting to blow up I bought myself a keyboard with a synthesizer. It cost like $200 which was all the money I had saved up. It finally came (this was way before amazon prime and such) and I tried rapping.
My sister told me "you're effing horrible" and I gave up right then and there.
This should be a sin.
I used to button the top buttons of polo shirts.
I must say, this is probably the worst one I've read.
Looking back at our regrettable choices, all we can do is cringe.
An optimistic look at bad tattoos.
check me out season 3 GIF by PortlandiaGiphyBeing a tattooer. Regrettable because of those poor people who have my awful doodles on their bodies.
Take heart! My favorite tattoo is the one I drunkenly got my buddy to do in his living room one year during March Madness! It's dumb and frankly mediocre? But such a good story and has such good associations I smile every time I see it.
RIP Fredro’s.
My friend and I decided we were going to open a bar in Jamaica with exotic snakes in glass cages in the walls at each booth. We convinced ourselves it would be amazing for at least two years in college. It was going to be called Fredro's.
My entire family made fun of me for it. Once we got out of college, we realized it was not feasible and joined the office grind. We're also two white guys with no ties to Jamaica.
Talk about cringey.
I wore a top hat with an anime pin on it for around a year. Met one of my current best friends while wearing it, idk how he could bear to speak to me after that.
My weirdest phase was probably when I insisted on wearing knee-high rainbow socks to school every day. But honestly, I don't regret it. I rocked those socks, and I wish I still have a pair.
To all the people out there cringing over their past selves, remember that you were just a kid, and to be easy on yourselves. After all, we've all been there
Yet, too often, manufacturers who oversell their products fail to deliver what is promised and are inevitably left with angry customers who want their money back.
Whether the merchandise was defective or ridiculously overpriced, strangers online shared some of their worst purchases when Redditor BooksMcGee asked:
"What is the worst product you ever paid money for?"
Short Life Span
"This NERF gun that's supposed to shoot tennis balls for your dog. I bought it cause I thought you could load 3 at a time and shoot them far, but it's just one and it's super loud and the gun broke after like 4 shots (reading reviews later, this was a common issue)."
Lame Pets
"There were these toys called squiggles when I was a kid and the commercials made it seem like the toy was alive. It looked like you would get this crazy little fuzzy worms as pets that would follow you around an so sick tricks and listen to your every command. It was really just a piece of fluffy string tied to another piece of string with googly eyes on it. People may say that it was supposed to be a magic trick but they should also explain that to a 5 year old who really wanted a pet."
Card Value
"Not their fault, but I paid $70 for a Yugioh card hours before it was limited to one copy. Probably dropped to $20 by the end of the day."
These purchases were bad for your bum.
"A bicycle that literally fell apart before I made it out of the parking lot."
Not Worth Sitting On
"Joybird brand couch. Was so terrible, we returned it. Still hard to believe, we returned a freaking couch."
Going Nowhere Fast
"A 2000 VW Beetle (used)."
"Biggest piece of sh*t that literally had to have just about everything replaced before 100k miles and would still break down every time you left the driveway to the point where the tow-truck driver knew us on a first-name basis."
Expensive Lemon
"An Oldsmobile Achieva from one of those buy here pay here places. I should have known better, but I was young and thought I was getting a good deal. I had the thing for about 5 months, I drove it for maybe 3 weeks. The rest of the time it was either in the shop, or in my driveway waiting until pay day so I could afford to fix whatever broke on it this week. Eventually told the dealer just take it, I'm not paying for it any more. He said nope, and I will make sure your credit is ruined. I said well you sold me a lemon, do you really want to go this route? He came and took it. Never reported anything to credit. I heard he got sued by several other people who sold sh**ty cars too and eventually went out of business."
"Always amazes me when I see them driving around still, I can only assume there's enthusiasts who just love repairing horribly designed cars."
– zerbey
These Redditors were not convinced what they ingested was edible.
Bad Cereal
"A box of plain Cheerios. Thought they were honey nut, poured a bowl, was very disappointed."
"If I wanted to taste cardboard, I'd just eat the box."
– gor8884
Space Pizza
"A burnt frozen pizza at the air and space museum cafe in DC. I Don't wish that experience on anyone. There are some amazing restaurants in DC, don't settle."
– Alseids
The following electronics just gave off a bad charge.
"Asus Transformer Pad TF700"
"This was one of those early 'high end' Android tablets that was grossly underpowered, and it showed. Thing was slow as sh!t in no time flat. Rookie mistake investing into shiny new tech while they were still working all the bugs out. Think I paid somewhere in the neighborhood of $350-400 for it..."
– Luke5119
Bad Apple
"macbook pro 2018 13" touchbar. 2 years old and dead (battery). they're asking $300-$400 to change the battery. malfunctioning keyboard with double presses and missing presses. that's a lot of money for bad design."
Chilly Reception
"Past winter my old room heater broke down and I had to buy a new one. Went to a store nearby and somehow got convinced to buy a very costly heating device.. It's also my fault, since there were some sligthly cheaper options around, but nope. I wanted the expensive one thinking it will make my small room a volcano with little to no effort/cost (that's also what the seller told me). Long story short the device wasn't doing ANYTHING. No significant temperature changes, too much space, a weird noise, and was doubling my previous device in utility cost. I still gloom over those 80 euros.."
Some of my disappointing purchases was clothing, but only because I purchased them online. Unless they are a brand I'm familiar with, I'm usually fine with buying new jeans off of their websites.
But when it comes to graphic tees only available on specialty shops, an M-size shirt is not necessarily the same size as those found in other reputable stores.
I bought a medium sized T-shirt from a boutique store online because I loved the look of the design. But when it arrived, the supposed medium fit me like an XL.
At least I gained a fierce cleaning rag from this impulsive purchase.