New Fathers Reveal The Stupidest Things They Did While Their Wife Was Pregnant
Most dads have experienced that moment when they have done something wrong when their wife was pregnant. These dads may not have known that their actions would set off their pregnant wife, but some of them should have thought a little harder about their decisions.
treepunch asks:
Fathers, what are some dumb things you have done while your wife was pregnant?
Future dads, take note!
Sometimes the jokes land in the wrong place
I think I was about 8 months pregnant and after many atemps at rolling over in bed I finally managed it.
My husband laughs to himself and announces "thar she rolls."
That's just rude!
Apparently eating fried chicken while your wife is giving birth is frowned upon...I hadn't eaten in like 24 hours, and I am not squeamish. Doctor was not impressed, so I threw it out promptly. Baby is born, all checks done, and the wife is doing good....she turns to me and says, you should go get some more chicken, I know you are still hungry. One of the many reasons I love that woman.
Laughing but crying
I asked my husband to get me some cocoa butter for my stretch marks.
An hour later he calls me and says, "I've looked in the candy section AND the dairy section. I cannot find the cocoa butter!" He sounded frustrated and tired, but I just did this ugly laugh cry thing.
I explained to him, between sons of laughter, that it was a LOTION. I was laughing because it was so funny, and crying because my stomach was itching like crazy and I needed relief.
False alarm!
My dad had just got a new car when my mum was due to have me and he turned on the heated seats while she was sitting in the passenger seat. She thought her water had broke.
Wrong question
When my parents arrived at the hospital to give birth to me, the first thing my dad asked the nurse was "where's the cafeteria?"
How is that even considered a good idea?
I was working out like crazy and dropped to 159lbs. My 8 month pregnant wife had just weighed in at 160lbs. I said "hey, you weigh more than me!"
Go directly to doghouse. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200..
It's always your fault
When my wife was pregnant with our first kid, she instructed me not to indulge her crazy needs. She warned me that she might have some weird cravings, but I was not to submit.
Couple of weeks into pregnancy, my wife told me she wants some olives. She could really have some olives. Not thinking twice, I grabbed a full jar (16ish oz) of olives and gave it to her. We continued merrily watching some movie and life was simple. About an hour later, my movie watching experience is being promptly ruined by my lovely wife projectile vomit what seemed to be a bucket load of half ingested olives across our bedroom. Of course, it was all my fault for letting her do that to herself.
excuse me!?
My water broke at about 3am but I'm not one to freak out or rush so I let my husband sleep until 6am before I woke him up and told him we needed to get ready to go to the hospital . It was our first and it was 10 days early so we were not expecting it. His exact words were "Are you serious? Okay, I know this is bad timing, but can you cut my hair first?"
Sometimes things change...
My wife loves fried green beans pregnant or not. But when she was pregnant with our second child I fried 2 whole bags of them as our entire dinner. Later in the evening, we were taking a shower together and she proceeded to throw up fried green beans all over me...twice. I'm still gunshy around her in the shower.
Funny, but maybe a little harsh on her
My dad switched to buying Prego pasta sauce when my mom was pregnant and thought it was hilarious
When you go out on the wrong night
Went out to a happy hour with buddies on a random Tuesday night(Wife approved btw). The hour turned into several hours. Get home around 12:30, wife wakes me up at 4:30 saying her water broke. I actually didn't believe her, as her due date was a good 2-3 weeks out. I stared at the wet spot in the bed for quite a bit not wanting to believe what was happening. What a hangover in the hospital I felt like absolute shit and everyone could tell. The bright lights and noise were helping a lot. One of the nurses even commented on how excited I looked(I was a complete zombie). That all changed once my daughter was born. What a surreal feeling that was. I cried really hard, it was weird. I had no inclination at all that was going to happen. What a roller coaster of feelings that day had in store for me.
A baby and a pizza
When my mother was giving birth to me my father ordered a pizza. And after I was born my mom was laying in the bed exhausted and she looks at my dad who with a full mouth asks her if she'd like a slice. She didn't.
You will never live that down
True story.... I had worked 12 hour shifts for three days in a row. Night shift none the less.
I get home from work at 6:30 in the morning, take the daughter to school. Come home lie down in bed, my wife turns to me and says..."I think today might be the day" I go to sleep for maybe ten to twenty minutes. She says OMG my water broke. I tell her to get out of the bed so it isn't like totally wet.
On the way to the hospital, remember I had just worked three twelve hour shifts. I turn to my wife and say "Do you mind if I stop at McDonalds?"
Suffice it to say I got a Sausage Egg and Cheese McMuffin.
But, I still hear about it regularly!
Was he the pregnant one though?
When my mom was pregnant with me, her water broke at around 2 AM. She woke up my dad saying he had to take her to the hospital. He then groaned, rolled out of bed, they went downstairs, and he began making himself a sandwich saying "the baby isnt popping out for another 12 or so hours, relax". I was the 3rd child, so I guess he had a good idea about how long these things take.
Really bad timing dad
Don't make any plans in the 3rd trimester.
Friend of mine flew out to Switzerland to visit us and go snowboarding. Babies arrived the same day he did. Had to cancel the trip. I felt pretty bad, but he understood/had no choice.
But this is tame compared to the many friends I have that traveled abroad and missed the birth of their kids because they came early.
Not appropriate at all!
It was right after she gave birth, not while she was pregnant. She was complaining about the boy feeding non-stop, and mentioned that he made her feel like a cow. That was when I learned 'Mooooooo' was not an appropriate response to that situation.
What's more important than your child's birth?
My dad is a HAM. Not amateur, but all engrossing, passion of his life, needs-nothing-else like. On the day I was born he sent my mom alone to the hospital because he was talking to americans on the radio for the first time. (we were living in Russia, and this was all on a homemade antenna in the 90's). So yeah, thanks dad.
The nerves must really make dads hungry
I was in hour 15 or 16 of a failed induction and they were talking about possibly needing a c-section. My husband asks the OB if he has time to grab sushi from ghe cafeteria.
Creative, but maybe not the right place and time
I introduced the nursing staff to the terms "crotch fruit" and "sex trophy."
I would think, working in a delivery ward they would have heard those terms before but noooooooooooooooo. Apparently I had uttered the most offensive thing they had ever heard while my wife was giving birth.
Bottom line, be careful what you say
My wife thought she was in labor, I didn't because she had next to no pain. Drive an hour to the hospital go through triage the whole thing. Not labor. 3am the next day, repeat. Confirmed to be labor and the first real contraction hits. I bet you felt that didn't you? Yeah... I got punched.
