Woman Seeks Advice On How To Deal With Mother-In-Law Who Refuses To Acknowledge Her Grandson's Life-Threatening Peanut Allergy
A mother on Reddit needed some serious advice about dealing with her in laws while trying to keep her kid alive. Reddit had sone thoughts.....
My [F28] MIL won't take my kid's  anaphylactic peanut allergy seriously
I've never really seen eye-to-eye with my MIL because she's very strict and old fashioned, she's like this with all of her grandchildren: she'll do things like yell at them for not sitting up straight, elbows on table, etc... I understand that children need discipline, but I prefer a gentler approach with my son. I've asked her many times to not do that, but my husband insists I let it go, so I've tried to.
Until now. My son was officially diagnosed with a life threatening peanut allergy, and we have an epipen for for him. She insists that when she was younger people "didn't have allergies," and if they did they would get rid of them via exposure and that I'm just babying him. I've explained to her that his allergy is very real and potentially deadly.
She has basically scoffed it off and the last time she came to pick him up, she took his epipen/fanny pack from around his waist and threw it on my driveway, saying she's taken him for ice cream many times and nothing has ever happened, and he doesn't "need it" with him. I told him she could no longer take him and brought him inside, she left and called my husband, she cried to him saying I accused her of being an unfit grandmother. Which I admittedly did because my child's safety is my priority and apparently not her's.
Now my husband wants me to apologize to her. He says she would take him to the hospital if he ingested peanuts and that I'm overreacting. I kindly explained to him that epipens save lives because anaphylaxis means your airways are narrowing, your breathing is becoming blocked, etc... and time is OF THE ESSENCE because it happens so quickly.
So, now my stance is... no epipen = no taking my child anywhere.
She's even insisting on taking him to a baseball game, which tends to have a LOT of peanuts, everywhere. I asked that she find a peanut free zone which the stadium does offer, but she once again belittled the idea and insisted he would be fine.
I'm getting really tired of her treatment toward my son, and my husband has always been a Mama's boy who thinks Mama can do no wrong and defends her endlessly. He says he turned out just fine being raised by her and I worry too much.
Would it be awful if I insist she only see him if I'm present? Am I completely unreasonable and overreacting? Is there anything else I can do so that they'll understand the severity or at the very least take some more precautions?
Grow up Dad!Giphy
I'm more concerned about your husband, does this dumbass understand that his kid could die quite easily from this. thetruthyoucanhandle
His blatant immaturity as a man and father. When you marry a woman, your mother takes a backseat. Period. If you're grown enough to start a family, you're grown enough to prioritize that family above all else.
OP, your husband's responsibility became you and your son as soon as he married you. (The whole thing really frustrates me, and I'm sorry that was how things worked out. Alas...) He is married to you–not his mother.
If he's unwilling to make you and your son a bigger priority than his infantile relationship with his mother, then it is your responsibility to fight for your son despite the cost to your "marriage."
Of course, fighting for your son means preserving your son's relationship with his father. That said, your monster-in-law should not be allowed a single unsupervised visit until you are sure she respects you and your wishes as a mother. internetleftovers
"prove she knows better"
Go make your husband read the r/justnomil post about the grandma who nearly killed her granddaughter with food containing allergens because she didn't take the problem seriously. And if that doesn't work, make him read the post about the woman who did kill her granddaughter with coconut oil when the child was allergic to coconuts. And if that doesn't work, demand counseling to sort through why he refuses to back you up when his child's life is on the line, regardless of who's threatening it.
No epi-pen, no unsupervised outings. It really is as simple as that. And frankly, you're being generous: I would make it no outings, period, until Grandma stops gambling with the kid's life just to "prove she knows better" than you and the doctors. mm172
Grow a Pair!
Your husband needs to grow a bleeding pair. Your son could die if his care is not taken seriously, and even an attack could scar him for life and do serious damage. I'd say, stick to your guns and communicate to your husband he's being a poor father by trying to stay the golden son. GlitterAllie
Allergic reactions are no joke. I am allergic to bee stings and various insect bites. I've never (knock on wood) gone into anaphylactic shock, but I have had a few bad enough reactions to require an ER visit. There is no waiting in the ER when it is an allergic reaction, they take you right away to start treatment immediately. Allergic reactions can go so bad so quickly, you have to take them seriously and take all precautions. Lady_Artemis_1230
This is exactly his issue, maintaining his status as the perfect son in his Mom's eyes. When I asked him to talk to her about the severity of his allergy, he literally said to me, "Sorry that I love my Mama and I trust her? That's your problem if you don't, I'm not going to talk to her."
Not paraphrasing, word for word. I was jaw dropped. Like, I'm thrilled you love your Mom, but this is our son's life in danger...????
We got in a huge argument after that, which didn't really end in any resolution. I'll try communicating with him further though. Pnutproblemz
Avoid the Suffering!
Yo, so I have a peanut allergy, and I just wanna provide the perspective that having an anaphylactic reaction really HURTS and I'm pretty sure I have some level of PTSD from the reactions that I had as a child.
I cannot reiterate enough that it is painful. My skin was on fire, headache like I had a knife through both eyes, body pleading for air that I couldn't get. This is more than a "we will have to go to the hospital and have him fixed" problem, this is an "she will cause your child agony" problem.
You're not just protecting him from a clinical list of symptoms and consequences, you're protecting him from suffering needlessly. 5RabbitsInALongCoat
It's NOT you!Giphy
You're not at all overreacting. Your child's life is more important than whatever your MIL believes. Until she understands how serious and life threatening something like that is, you should be with her. If your husband doesn't understand that it isn't okay for a person with anaphylaxis to always have their epipen on them at all times no matter if they know they're gonna be exposed to peanuts or not then you really need to talk to him.
My brother has anaphylaxis and starts to have visible reactions to even smelling peanuts and his throat will start to be irritated. You get to be protective over his life until they get it. lamestlauren
he is a threat to your child's life.
When she was younger people did have allergies. They just died of them.
She is an unfit grandmother. Your husband needs to decide whether he wants his mother to be happy or his child to be alive.
It would be awful if you let her see him without you present and he died.
Your husband needs to choose between his mother's will and his child's life. And if he chooses his mother, then it turns out you need to choose between your marriage and your child's life.
Start documenting this now. Your mother-in-law's behavior, your husband's insistence that it'll be fine.
Explain to him that you love him, but if you have to choose between him and your son's life then it's your son, and if it does come to that? You're going to need this documentation to ensure that he never, ever gets unsupervised access to your child, because unless he can take a stand against his mother, he is a threat to your child's life. Otherwise_Window
"good old days"
Yeah, this is a logical fallacy I see a lot. "When I was young, nobody had X,"
Or even, "our ancestors never suffered from X, it's our modern lifestyle and all these chemicals..."
Okay, there are some lifestyle-related illnesses (like diabetes). But a lot of the increase in chronic diseases and genetic conditions is because of modern medicine saving babies & kids who wouldn't have survived.
People who are nostalgic for the "good old days" never want to look at stuff like infant mortality. HarrietVane-Jones
Talk all Together....Giphy
Is there any way you could sit down with both of them and a doctor to explain why it's so important he has it with him? It might be that she's not taking it seriously because it's coming from you as horrible as that sounds. Either way you are not overreacting at all! This is your child's life. The fact your husband is not in agreement with you is worrying. Your MIL might not even take him to the hospital even if he did react because apparently "exposure" is a cure 😩 sofie-l
I came on here to mention the coconut oil one. Literally can't even read that without crying. It's so sad and so avoidable. Do not let anyone who openly threatens to put your child's life in danger. You are in the right here and trust your instinct. TepidBrush
"I can't believe you're alive right now."
This! I have a tree nut allergy and was exposed to a near-death level in high school. There is nothing like having a doctor look you in the eyes and say "I can't believe you're alive right now." I had panic attacks, PTSD dreams where I was choking to death, developed a dependence on sleeping pills to avoid the dreams, and developed an eating disorder (including losing about 40 lbs I didn't have to lose) due to the lasting psychological stress from this experience.
I can't even imagine going through all of that as a young child where I didn't understand what was happening. OP, your husband needs to understand that even if your child is exposed and survives, he probably will have lasting psychological damage from such a traumatic experience. Is grandma's stupidity worth it? snookums666
Talk to a Doctor.Giphy
If you have a regular doctor, it might also be prudent to have your husband educated on what a peanut allergy even is and what the epipen is for/how to use it properly.
Im allergic to many things and had plenty of family and friends think I was being too sensitive despite the asthma attacks I would have in front of them. Thats fine, you cant control their behavior. But what is most concerning to me is the fact that your husband sees this as a non-issue.
Reddit always has two sides of the story and it could've been easy to dismiss your post as FDP if not for the fact your child is LITERALLY PRESCRIBED AN EPIPEN. EmoMixtape
I know you've had a lot of great replies, but I just wanted to add my own because I've been there as a kid myself.
When I was a toddler, I had a milk allergy. Not anaphylactic, but I would be sick and have diarrhea for a few days. My parents explained this to my grandparents (dad's side) but Grandma didn't believe in allergies, and so when they came to pick me up later on that day I had a chocolate bar in each hand.
I was, unsurprisingly, sick for days. By the time my brother came along, we were no longer left alone with the grandparents, because my brother had (and still has) an anaphylactic egg allergy for which he has an epipen. They weren't about to let my grandparents near my brother considering how they treated my less serious allergy.
Essentially, your MIL should under no circumstances be left alone with your son, and your husband seriously needs to understand that his actions right now are basically saying "I care more about being a momma's boy than I do about my sons life." Follow the other Redditors suggestions and educate him about anaphylaxis, because until he understands that, frankly your sons life is in danger. Good luck. Little_Numbers
Divorce is no Solution.
I've heard stories about children dying because grandma didn't take allergies seriously.
I'd never normally advise someone to consider divorce, but when your husband is putting your child's life in danger, I'd say that's an irreconcilable difference. Better a broken family than a dead child. Valuable_K
If they divorce, the father/grandmother will likely have visits with the child and the mother won't be there. It could be even more dangerous, depending on what type of visitation is allowed. no_mo_usernames
Straight Up Fool.
Your husband is a straight up fool lol. intentions aside, your MIL is actively trying to put his 4 year old kid into life threatening situations on purpose and he's more worried about his big scawwy mommy telling him off?
she is an unfit grandmother, and he is an unfit father. if there's one thing a father is supposed to do, it's to protect their children.
to me, it's as simple as this: they are trying to kill your infant child.
Protection Above All.
I'm pretty excessively trained in first aid. Allergic reactions like this can cause death in minutes without immediate application of an Epi-pen. Driving to the hospital is not going to be an option 99% of the time. Your MIL is dangerously wrong about this. You aren't overreacting. Do what you have to protect your kid. CretinActual
Cut her Off.Giphy
Nope, you're not overreacting. You've been more than forgiving, and now she's risking the life of your kid by not believing the diagnosis of a damn medical professional. She can screw right off with that nonsense and so can your husband.
I'm allergic to poultry, but not anaphylactic shock level - even then it comes on QUICK. If I ingest any bird product, within minutes I'm spewing vomit like a possessed demon..... so it won't take long for your kid to suffocate before they even realize what's happening.
No messing around here. You're well within your right to cut her off. Who's to say she won't lie to you, say she'll take it seriously, and then risk his life when you're not around? Take her and husband to the next doctor's appointment and have the doctor explain this if need be. fifthsonata
My youngest daughter was diagnosed with a nut allergy at around 7 years old, she's 16 now. Everyone who came around her, or had any contact with her had to follow my strict rules for food. If she went anywhere with anyone, the epipen went, and all persons were instructed on how to use it.
My MIL actually started watching what she made for family holidays. If anyone refused to abide by my rules, it was NC until they did. NO EXCEPTIONS!!
OP you are not in the wrong here. You do not owe anyone an apology for protecting your child. Captsbunni28
Out of Time.Giphy
I think your right to stand your ground about and I don't think you have anything to apologize for. This is something that happens very fast, and is very life threatening if you don't act within minutes. Driving to a hospital or having to wait for a ambulance is time wasted. disorder_ce
Some years ago, I had to advise a college friend to stop chasing the girl he was interested in at the time. She'd already turned him down. Explicitly. At least two or three times.
He wouldn't take no for an answer and didn't see anything wrong with his behavior.
Perhaps he'd seen too many movies where the guy eventually breaks through the girl's defenses and essentially coerces her into going out with him?
Sadly, this is behavior that is tolerated and yes, normalized in our society.
People were keen to share other observations after Redditor EnoughSandwich_7057 asked the online community,
"What's toxic behavior that's considered socially acceptable?"
"Trying to make people..."
"Trying to make people drink/smoke or drink/smoke more when they have firmly declined the offer."
This is a big one that can have disastrous consequences. I am thankful I got a bunch of terrible nights out drinking out of my system by my early twenties.
Being drunk to the point that you're incoherent is horrible.
"I hate the whole prank thing..."
"I hate the whole prank thing, especially when it's done for likes. Scaring or humiliating people for attention just means you are a bad person."
I don't watch any of those videos and I don't understand what people see in them.
"Overworking yourself and then collectively judging others who don't do the same."
I had a coworker like that once, and she was a (minor) reason why I ended up leaving one job, but still a reason nonetheless.
"Taking your work with you..."
"Taking your work with you on vacation. I mean if you enjoy working then that's your thing, but I get sick of people like going through paperwork and having meetings while on vacation. Like dude, stop."
"Looking down on someone..."
"Looking down on someone because of their job."
When people say things like, "If fast food workers deserve $15 an hour..." that says a lot.
"Deliberately misunderstanding what someone is saying so as to make it easier to argue with them."
"People tend to give drunk people..."
"People tend to give drunk people misbehaving a pass if they regularly do it, 'Oh don't mind Tom, he's just drunk.' That just reinforces that toxic behavior."
You can say that again. How many times have you run into bad behavior like this while out and about, perhaps in a bar? It's not fun.
"The fact that we reward..."
"The fact that we reward customers for being wrong. The number of times my old manager would be so exhausted from arguing over the cost of a carton of milk with a customer that she would just give it to them is appalling."
"It reinforces this mentality because even if the customer KNOWS they're wrong they don't care because they will still win."
Annnnd this is why I don't miss retail. I'm fine where I am.
"Verbally abusing minimum wage employees who don't make the rules. If I could change the laws tomorrow I'd encourage businesses to ban pieces of garbage like these who can't operate in public."
"I'm here to do a job..."
"Toxic workplace behavior needs to be top of the list. I'm here to do a job and go home, not be harassed because you don't like some aspect of my personality. Managers who let this slide should be held personally liable."
When you stop and think about it, you realize we live in an imperfect society. It's astounding that some people just tolerate bad behavior and, in many cases, don't even see anything wrong with it.
Have some stories of your own? Feel free to tell us more in the comments below!
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Parents make mistakes. We want to believe that parents are doing there very best to raise their kids, but sometimes they do more harm than good.
Research into childhood trauma didn't actually begin until the 1970s, so we don't have as much knowledge about our mental health as adults as we might like.
However, a study that followed 1,420 from 1992 to 2015 found conclusive results about childhood trauma:
"'It is a myth to believe that childhood trauma is a rare experience that only affects few,' the researchers say."
"Rather, their population sample suggests, 'it is a normative experience—it affects the majority of children at some point.'"
"A surprising 60 percent of those in the study were exposed to at least one trauma by age 16. Over 30 percent were exposed to multiple traumatic events."
Not all of the things our parents do that were not so helpful technically classify as trauma, but it definitely has an effect on us as we get older.
Redditor Gooncookies asked:
"What could your parents have done better when raising you?"
Here's some of the ways that these Redditor's parents could have done better.
Rules to maintain purity.
"Would've been nice if my dad hadn't convinced me I had to behave in certain ways to maintain my innocence and purity."
"Catholic? I can relate."
"Nope. He's an atheist. He's actually extremely upset that I practice my (non Christian) religion. He just has some really weird ideas about having female children. Like, if I wore spaghetti straps when I was a child he'd say it was like he was living in a brothel."
Becoming afraid of failure.
"Encourage me to do more. I was never pushed to do anything. I mean, I get why some athletes are like 'my parents pushed me too hard where I hated it.' But I was never encouraged to go out for it try anything new. I played little league baseball and decided I thought it was a good idea to try and be a pitcher. I told my mom, but got the response along the lines of 'That's a hard position, and the whole game kind of rides on you, and if you mess up, everyone is going to blame you.' As a 37 year old I now see how that kind of stuff screwed my self esteem up and why I'm so afraid of failure as an adult."
"Same here. Also when I wanted to try anything new my mom was like 'But that's too hard for you, are you really sure you wanna do this? I don't think that you want nor can.' What's even worse than just forbidding, in this way the kid won't 'protest doing it' and get too low self esteem to do it."
"I'm really happy now that I overcame this after I moved out. I started doing all those things I wanted to do as a kid and I freaking love it (but kinda hate the fact that I haven't started earlier)."
"But even if I have a good relationship to my mom I hide a lot of things I do from her, since she still does the same and tries to convince me that I actually don't wanna do what ever I planned."
"But dear mom, sometimes you just need to try new things. if it wont work out who cares!? Even got a tattoo with 'What if I fall? Honey what if you fly?' to remind me if I should ever forget. (And no, my mum doesn't know about it)."
We're allowed to feel our emotions.
"Allow me to express my emotions, treat me like an actually person, actually interact with me instead of just ignoring me and them just telling me to kill myself."
"Wow. I'm so sorry. I think a lot of parents forget that their children are actually human beings."
"Its okay. I'm trying to work through some of that trauma, its easier said than done."
Interest is nice.
"They could have shown more of an interest in my mental health and education."
"I didn't get help for my anxiety until after college and it's so frustrating to hear my parents acknowledge I was an anxious child yet nothing was done. I can look back and see how many things could have gone better for me."
"I had diagnosed ADHD and my mom thought that the meds made my brother and I zombies and decided she wanted us to just be kids. My parents never looked into any kind of non-medication help for my ADHD."
"I'll always wonder what school would've been like if I had the tools to properly manage it."
"I got an MFA, but I feel my entire life has been a whole lot of masking."
I also have comorbid sleep/circadian rhythm disorder which they also never did anything about. Going to the doctor for anything, physical or mental, was not prioritized. But, my parents definitely weren't well off financially, so I imagine that that was the biggest contributor."
Kids deserve autonomy.
"Taught me to question adults and trust myself."
"They thought they were doing the best thing by teaching my sister and I 'All adults are always right and you obey them no matter what,' but it made me a dysfunctional employee and vulnerable to abusive relationships."
"The good news is it can be unlearned. But I hope this new generation will teach our kids to assert themselves respectfully instead of blind obedience."
Why keep up the charade?
"My parents are great people who did a good job raising me, but there was one weird thing they did that still kind of annoys to this day (and I'm 44.)"
"Once I got old enough to figure out that things like Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny weren't real they still wouldn't admit it for some reason; I think it was more my mom and my dad just went along with her. But even when I became a teenager and all my siblings were teenagers it's like they still thought it was funny and cute to keep pretending that Santa Claus was real. I don't know why."
"They missed the point of that sort of thing. It's a rite of passage for children to eventually get old enough to figure out that this sort of thing isn't real and for the parents to let them in on it. I was denied that and it still bugs me for some reason."
"I could imagine that being infuriating at 14-15 years old. At that age you're wanting to be seen as more of an adult and I can imagine them not acknowledging Santa as a way of not welcoming me into adulthood/making me feel like a little kid."
Yea that's weird. When I got older and looked back I realized that my folks never flat out said Santa was real. My mom would say something like, 'He's only real if you believe in him,' so she never technically lied to me. Maybe it stems from that, they don't want to admit they lied to you?"
"That could be, but I think it was more a matter of my parents (again, my mom especially) thinking that doing the whole Santa Claus thing on Christmas morning, and Easter Bunny thing on Easter was fun and something that she just didn't want to let go of when my sisters and I got older."
Healthy criticism is necessary sometimes.
"They lacked discipline and parental authority which led us to treat them like our friends, disrespect them. We also couldn't be academically successful because they didn't help us develop a healthy studying habit."
"Kids like it when a parent tells them what to do (I mean, parenting is about teaching a kid what to do, if you just leave it like that, it won't learn anything), help them when they can't get through it, never give negative criticism, but constructive criticism when they fail and appreciate them when they succeed."
"Negative criticism: this type only tells them what is wrong. e.g. 'you can't do this,' 'you are doing this badly.'"
"Constructive criticism: this type gives them an insight into what should they do, you can add what is lacking if necessary. e.g. '[...] is not good behaviour, please do [...] next time, then you would succeed,' 'it looks ok (if it is badly done, then don't say this), but if you do [...] it'd be better / [...] is the correct way.'"
Whatever the situation was with your parents or caretakers, there are ways to heal from this trauma.
Psychology Today says we need to process our emotions, especially if we were taught not to when we were children.
It's important that we break these generational curses.
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Breaking up is something that never gets easier.
That kind of thinking, however, does little to keep us from feeling dejected for days on end.
Curious to hear from heartbroken strangers on the internet, Redditor whitecheeks-24 asked:
What's your sad love story?
Death never comes at the right time.
A Difficult Decision
"The love of my life and soulmate who I was married to for 20 years and together for 24 passed away about 8 months ago. I feel alone and empty inside. I have nobody to love or to love me. My life is an empty waste of space now."
"I took her off of life support because I know that's what she wanted and I had to respect her wishes but I sometimes wish I was a little more greedy. I just want my doll face back."
"I am so sorry. I had to do the same thing with my love, married 40 years. It's been 28 months and I'm sinking deeper into despair. We had so many plans, did everything together, and I am honestly lost without him. I send you warmest regards."
The Shy Admirer
"I was a shy teenager, in love with a cute neighbor. His sister and my mom were friends. He died in a car accident. Nobody knew how I felt about him. I overheard his sister tell my mom that he was in love with me. We never got to share our feelings with each other."
"I think a guy I found on match.com died but I have no way of knowing. We had only been dating for 2 or 3 months and we were taking things slow. Then he got sick..tumors in his back and he needed surgery. We still hung out but he was in a lot of pain."
"At the time I was frustrated because I felt he was pushing me away. I just adored him and he was sending mixed messages. Now looking back.. I'm thinking he was just trying to survive. He went in for surgery and I never heard from him again. I didn't know his family and he didn't have social media."
"My mom would check the obituaries in the paper for me and I just always wondered. I hope he didn't know how to end things and just felt this was easier. It's been 5 years and I have a family of my own now but Michael..I hope you're okay."
It's hard for these Redditors to accept the fact their love was never meant to be.
Long Distance Fizzle
"I had to leave my first boyfriend behind because I moved out of state and didn't even get to say goodbye because I didn't know we were moving when I left. We left to see my aunt who had been traveling and was diagnosis with brain cancer in another state, she was too sick to travel home so they rented a house and stayed there essentially until she passed away."
"My mom liked the area better than my hometown tho so we ended up staying, our stuff was shipped to us so I never got to say goodbye to my boyfriend in person."
"We kept in contact for a couple years but being 16 and 18, it wasn't easy for me to just pack up and head back to move in somewhere with him. We both knew we weren't ready for that so we tried our best to keep the long distance romance going."
"Eventually he messaged me one day and told me that he can't do it anymore and he didn't want to hear from me again because he couldn't handle it."
"When I was in my early 20s, I've had a love at first sight experience. It completely broke me. He actually was into me too, but not in love like I was."
"I had never had a boyfriend before and I got so excited, I came in like a wrecking ball to cite a great poet. Long story short, I scared him off, he broke up, I couldn't get him out of my head and couldn't imagine a world without him, so I tried to kill myself."
"Though let me reassure you all, it's been years and I'm over him (as long as I don't see him IRL, I just know that I'd fall back in the spiral), I even had a long-term relationship after him."
Tough Reality Check
"I got left out of a 5 year relationship. I got injured, lost my job, and had to go take care of my dying mom. I was not in a good way. I come back from the ER and she calls our entire relationship off because I was not 'passionate' any longer. Right."
"My entire life fell apart. Lost the house we had gone in on. Lost the dog we had gotten together. And I lost my girl. She was my bestfriend, my first love."
"Huge reality check but at least I'm only 22. I'm glad I saw her true colors when things went bad. Easy to stand by someone when times are good. Saddest part is I would take her back in an instant. I lost a piece of my soul with her."
Some of the biggest heartbreaks come when someone shows their true colors.
"FOUND OUT MY BOYFRIEND WAS MARRIED WITH KIDS ON THE INTERNET. I was happy and in love for two years. One day while doing my research for a client work, I come across a research paper. The research paper matched what I was looking for, scrolling through it, I realized the owner had some names as my boyfriend."
"But this time he acknowledges his wife and two children for being patient with him as he was busy doing the thesis. I got curious, I took a screenshot and sent him a picture and asked if it's his paper."
"Also, I asked if it's true that he has two kids and a wife and he why didn't tell me. He answered 'DOES IT MATTER '. That was the end of my relationship. Never talked about it, never told any soul what happened."
"I finally got with my best friend and soul mate. He knows more about me then anyone and knows what I've been put thru my whole life. When we first got together he promised he would never do anything to me that others have."
"One year later he cheated, lied and and broke my spirit. Something i never thought was possible with me, yet he accomplished it. It's been a year since i left him and he still tries to get back into my life. The sad part is I know he doesn't love me and I can't stop loving him."
"After four years of supporting my lover through his depression and alcoholism, he announced tonight that he is leaving me. I'm pretty depressed."
A Devious Scheme
"Wife moves our small family across the country for a promotion at her company. When we arrive and settle into our house, she leaves me for her boss."
"The move was a scheme for her boss to leave his wife and kids, and for her to leave me, while being able to be close to all their children. So I unknowingly left my career, family and friends behind to move to a state where I don't know anyone so she could be with her new guy."
Unexpected tragedy will always be, to me, the saddest break up story.
A co-worker of mine used to date a young man who was a patron at the store where we both worked.
Their budding romance was new and exciting and absolutely adorable to watch.
He told me he planned to propose to her before he went away on a family vacation, but sadly, my friend never got the proposal. The guy drowned in a horrible boating accident during his trip.
Although my friend is now happily married with two kids, I wonder if she still thinks about him.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/Want to "know" more?
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On the outside, so many professions and careers look glamorous, financially enticing, and fun.
Often we sit back in our own lives and wallow in our dead-end jobs with that "wish I could do that for a living mentality!"
But if you look a little closer or, much like Dorothy Gale in OZ, just wait for a Toto to push the curtain back, you'll see that a lot more is going on behind the scenes.
And the shenanigans we don't see, make all that fun... evaporate.
So many careers and high power industries are built on a foundation of lies, backstabbing, and stress. And not in that fun "Dynasty" way.
That quiet, dead-end gig may not be so bad after all.
Redditor MethodicallyDeep wanted hear all the tea about certain careers, by asking:
What is a secret in your industry that should be talked about?
I swear if every single person was forced to work in the hospitality industry for at least one month in their life, y'all would be beside yourselves. The amount of craziness and laziness could keep you eating at home for every meal until death.
Play Bigmartin scorsese casino GIFGiphy
"Casino dealers really do want the players to win. We don't work for the house. We get paid crap hourly rates and rely on tips. Unless the player is super nice they only to tip if they win so we really do want you to win." ~ thedevilsgame
Not the Good Stuff...
"That you can take a gallon of paint and give it a different label, price point, and warranty depending on the store it is sold in." ~ big_d_usernametaken
"My professor told me the same thing. He was a job coach and erased the due dates on food products with I believe acetone or some product in nail polish remover."
"Would slap a new date on it, and the food would get shipped to poorer neighborhoods. That crap blew my mind." ~ Additional_Bar_2013
"Oh crap, I may actually go to jail."
"That if everyone being charged with a crime insisted on it going to trial, no plea bargaining, the system would crash." ~ mikenyle
"When I was a juror, the judge also commented before everything started that trial by jury is the only thing causing people to plea bargain and "getting the system moving."
"Many trials sit in limbo for years, and it's only the threat of "Oh crap, I may actually go to jail."
"That really negotiations start. That's exactly what happened in my case - jurors got selected, and that afternoon (after being 2 years in the system), the defendant pleads out." ~ zealeus
"Safety. It's not really about your health and well being. It's about saving the company money from medical expenses, lost time, lawyer costs, etc. Very rarely does your company actually give 2 craps about you, no matter how much they preach safety, they just don't want to pay if you get hurt/killed." ~ WhenThePiecesFit
"pen to paper"New Girl I Give Up GIFGiphy
"TV/screenwriter here. If you're established and well connected, it's very easy to coast and be a TV writer for YEARS and do very little actual writing. Most of TV writing is just talking in a room with other writers spitballing."
"This is why there's so many old, unfunny dudes still "writing" on TV shows. They're hired by their friends and in TV, a lot writers don't actually do much "pen to paper" writing. Plus everything gets rewritten to death." ~ GardenChic
So much mess. Someone hire me to write for TV. Why are you just giving away jobs to unqualified people? Life is so unfair. This list makes me mad. Let's continue...
Carbon Copiesmail GIF by RabbidsGiphy
"I work in the print industry, we print cheques for companies and there is so little security involved in hiring, or keeping the materials secure, or running the actual work, or shipping the work to customers. I'm shocked we haven't had a problem with stolen cheques." ~ Jeff_Cunningham
"Advertising. I keep reading that advertising is leading people to be more woke, or multicultural. Companies don't lead, they follow. They do lots of research and know where the future markets are."
"I worked for a very conservative global brand. 5 years before gay marriage became legal, they told us it would happen and we needed to start targeting the LBGTQ community." ~ leftside72
"Visa agent and I've seen people be refused because the manager didn't like their face." ~ Ok_Albatross9395
"Omg this happened to my sister. She couldn't start her semester in time because she kept being refused a visa even though she fulfilled all conditions."
"Finally my parents found a "connection" in embassy to see what's going on; turns out someone just didn't like her when she came to give her papers the first time. I never knew if I can fully believe that story." ~ animal7239
So much typing...
"I'm a writer, among other things. I used to ghostwrite. You'd be amazed how many popular books are partly or fully ghostwritten. I specialised in taking people's crappy first drafts and rewriting them so they were actually good. Not "good" according to people's taste, which is subjective."
"But objectively better in the sense of being properly spelled, not having gaping plot holes, making sure characters were consistent. By the time I was done there was often very little left of the draft the "writer" had created, but there was a marketable product."
"Pisses me off no end when I see all the bull the publishing industry comes out with about how writers submitting a manuscript must make sure it's perfect because only excellence will get you anywhere."
"I don't know how they can say that and still sleep at night, knowing full well that they're hiring people like me to do large-scale rewrites (or to take a half-baked plot and create a draft from scratch)." ~ iwillckingbiteyou
ThievesJoseline Hernandez Facepalm GIFGiphy
"I work in payroll. The number of payroll reports I see where people are conned out of their overtime is saddening."
"Also, taxes paid by a business shouldn't actively dissuade them from paying employees less. The system shouldn't be based on paying a percentage of employee salary in taxes (FICA, Workers Comp), in other words." ~ ThongofSekhmet
I think some investigations need to be launched. I always knew payroll departments were running a scam. Too many people are being ripped off. Time to expose some people.
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