Mother Of The Bride Plans On Wearing White, And Her Daughter Doesn't Know How Stop Her
Can't you wear something else?
Weddings stand at the top of the mountain when it comes to silly human traditions we tend to assign great significance. A momentous day dedicated to the sole purpose of people gathering to celebrate the unity of two individuals can sometimes cause the most stressful breakdowns. "Bridezilla" isn't just a term that came out of nowhere. There's a harsh truth hidden in that label, of brides overreacting to the smallest thing which could potentially ruin their meticulously planned day. What happens, though, when that "small thing" ends up being something to truly worry about?
Reddit user, u/Mandy-, had a story to share about a conflict arising in her wedding plans:
I JUST got engaged recently, and my mom is overjoyed. She is already planning, and talking about bridesmaids, etc. My fiance and I would really like a SMALL wedding, destination. She is respectful of those choices, and even encourages what I want, which is why this is so baffling for me.
She sent me pictures of a bunch of dresses she wants to wear to my wedding, and they're all white, ivory, or off-white. (I tried to attach a link previously to show ya'll, but it's against the rules to post links) I don't mean to be a bridezilla or anything, but I would really prefer it if she weren't to wear white.
How do I talk to her about this? She has a tendency to either blow up, or get passive aggressive (example, she was smoking on our deck the other day, and I asked her to put her ashes in a spare planter with dirt in it instead of flicking them all over our deck, and she made snippy remarks for the rest of the visit and left early). I tried saying to her I was thinking blue and silver for our colours and I was hoping our families could coordinate with us, and she said she didn't want to wear blue, and that she likes the dresses she sent me.
I haven't always had the best relationship with my mother, due to both of us having mental health issues that we deal with (anxiety and depression, for both of us, but she has been dealing well without medication for YEARS, meanwhile I just had a breakdown recently about work, which you could probably find in my post history if you want to understand better). But for the last 5 years our relationship has been stellar.
tl;dr: I'm scared to talk to my mom about the white dresses she wants to wear to my wedding, and wondering how I could go about this as tactfully as possible, since she is passive aggressive or blows up.
First Solution? Pass The Chore On To Someone Else.Giphy
Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't it traditional for nobody except the bride to wear white at a wedding? Does your mom not know this? It seems like a deliberate slap in the face to you. Maybe she doesn't realize that. Someone (not you) should maybe drop a hint to her about that.
Stand Your GroundGiphy
You're going to have to be really firm about this. "Mom, the only person who wears white at a wedding is the bride. Please find another dress." And then if she starts making a fuss, exit the conversation. Don't get drawn in to arguing, don't defend yourself; your position is unassailable. You are absolutely right, and she is absolutely wrong. If she sends you another white dress photo, say "What other colors does it come in?"
Ask Her What Other People Might ThinkGiphy
I'm not sure if this will work if her motives are about hurting you or showing you up, but you might try the whole "people at the wedding will think poorly of her if she goes through with this." Seriously, I worked at a wedding where this happened, and EVERYONE was giving the non-bride white dress wearing lady serious side-eye the entire night. There are a million and one wedding advice websites that explains this faux pas in detail, so you might just forward her a link to one of those.
One other thing to consider, is perhaps because it is going to be a super small destination wedding - maybe she thinks it's going to be more casual? I really have no idea what etiquette on these things are, but when you say small destination wedding I picture just your immediate family on the beach in flip flops. It's still your day and you can veto her dress, but just to give you an idea of where she might be coming from.
Either way, congrats on the engagement.
Frame It As An AnecdoteGiphy
You can frame it as being concerned about what others would say about her.
"I went to a friend's wedding where the mother wore white and all the guests could talk about was how trashy that was. I don't want you to be talked about that way."
It may be a total lie, but the threat to her reputation might just work.
Use The Power Of ComputersGiphy
I saw this posted over in r/weddingplanning for another person with the same problem: let her wear whatever she wants, other guests will see how tacky it is. Then use photoshop to change the dress color for your wedding album.
There's Not Even A Discussion To Be HadGiphy
I never understood why people other than the bride get so set on wearing white too. She's just being an unnecessary drama queen. Tell her it's not an option or something to be further discussed, she ain't wearing white.
Lead Her To Her Own AnswersGiphy
I have a mom who can sometimes fly off the handle at 'disrespectful' tones or words. What I have found useful is to phrase it as a question. "Isn't the bride the only be who is supposed to wear white? Why do you want to wear white at my wedding?"
See if you can get her to realize how ridiculous she's being.
Remember Who's Wedding It IsGiphy
You're going to have to have a backbone with her on this. I don't know that it's very taboo anymore to wear white to someone's wedding (I've seen it a lot recently), but the point is that it's your wedding and you get to set the rules.
Don't email her. Don't text her. I probably wouldn't even recommend calling her. Sit her down and tell her that you do like the dresses she sent you but you want to be the only one in that color on your day. Just stand firm and don't engage any further. Let her know that you would like to go with her to pick out a variety of dresses....make a day of it.
Just be firm and don't feel bad for her reaction. She is the only one in control of that.
Maybe It's All Okay?Giphy
My mom wore white to my wedding. I didn't mind. It was a rather informal ceremony and she wasn't trying to be rude. She just found a white dressy suit that she felt flattering. She asked if I minded and I said no.
Here's what I totally didn't anticipate. It completely ruined most of my wedding pictures. :(
My dress was champagne colored. And because she's my mom, she wanted to be right near me in the group shots.
So for every picture that had more than a few people in it, there's a woman in white standing near the middle and a woman in champagne next to her. It completely looks like she's the bride and I'm the bridesmaid.
Perhaps you should let her know about this issue. I'm not mad at my mom, as neither one of us thought of this, but I hate that I cringe every time I see my wedding pictures.
If she insists and you let her come wearing white, make her stand way off to the side in any of the photos.
When All Else Fails, Set Her Up For FailGiphy
If your mom insists on wearing a white or similarly colored dress to your wedding, I say let her. What will happen is people will think she's a moron and probably think worse of her.
No one will take your day away from you, I promise. :) You'll be beautiful and everyone will be there to see you. Let your mom embarrass herself.
History is made on a daily basis.
Indeed, there is little more exciting than having witnessed the accomplishments of people like Barack Obama, Stacey Abrams, and Greta Thunberg knowing that they have firmly reserved a space for themselves in history books.
Of course, most of the people who paved the way to make the world what it is today have long since passed away.
Not all of them, though!
It may surprise you to learn that there are people who made an indelible impression on history who are still much alive today.
Some of whom even continue to make a difference to this very day
Redditor enginearz was eager to hear about historical figures people were surprised to learn were still alive, leading them to ask:
"What famous person from history is still alive?"
Forever Leaving His Name In Science
"He's the only currently living man with an element on the periodic table named after him."- snowflake247
Quite The Story To Tell
"Last human to hold the title of Tsar, as leader of the Kingdom of Bulgaria."
"He was exiled along with his family when the Soviets invaded Bulgaria in 1944."
"In 1990, after the fall of the Soviet Union, Simeon returned from exile to Bulgaria and July 2001, was democratically elected prime minister."
"The private citizen is now 85."- DirectionNew5328
Making Nature Cool For Decades
"David Attenborough."- random_username_96You Can Do It Uoftartsci GIF by U of T Faculty of Arts & ScienceGiphy
The Fought For Freedom And Justice
"The last surviving airman of the battle of Britain."
"He is 103 years old."
"He helped with the liberation of Auschwitz."
"He is 99 years old."
"He was a prosecutor at the Nuremberg trials."
"He is 102 years old."- Ashtar-the-Squid
"The last living member of the german anti-nazi resistance group 'White Rose".
"Most well-known members were the sibling Sophie and Hans Scholl, who were executed by the Nazis when they were identified."- ChrisTinnef
The One Who Made One Giant Leap For Mankind
"Buzz Aldrin, and I’m not even American."- mukaltinState Of The Union Salute GIF by MSNBCGiphy
Opening Doors For So Many Others
"She was one of the first black kids to go to an all-white school."
"There is a famous picture of that first day."- mumwifealcoholic
He Continues To Surprise Us
"Ozzy Osbourne."- CaptinDerpI
Admirably Defying So Many Odds
"98 years old."- Back2BachJimmy Carter Drilling GIF by GIPHY NewsGiphy
We've Still Got Two Out Of Four
"Paul and Ringo"- HMKingHenryIX
Inching Close To The Big One Double Oh...
And Still Practically Perfect In Every Way
"Julie Andrews."- aslrulesjulie andrews snap GIFGiphy
Who Could Forget About Dick Van Dyke ?!?!?!?!
"Everyone just forgetting about Dick Van Dyke, he's like 97 and still going."
"If you've never heard of him, he played in Marry Poppins, along with a bunch more movies"- Longjumping_Drag2752
And Still Stunning
"Sophia Loren is still kicking."- The_REAL_McWeasel
Continuing To Go Where No Man Has Gone Before
"William Shatner doesn't look it but that dude is in his 90s wtf."- flubberF*ckWilliam Shatner Fun GIF by Shark WeekGiphy
Perhaps what's most admirable, is that even when these astonishing people do eventually pass, they will continue to live on and change the world with the remarkable work they did.
We all indulge in fast food from time to time.
Even if we know what we're eating isn't exactly healthy, sometimes the salty, fatty mass-produced food is the only thing we want.
Resulting in our making weekly, if not daily, visits to a nearby chain.
Then, of course, there are the chains that we make every effort to avoid.
We've likely tried places at least once simply because everyone is always talking about them.
But after having one bite, we have trouble seeing exactly what all the fuss was about and vow to never return.
Even if it might be the only option at a rest stop or even the only available food for miles, we instead opt to wait and be hungry.
Redditor BungOnMimosas was curious to hear what people considered to be the most overhyped fast food chains around, leading them to ask:
"What do you think are the most overrated fast-food chains? Why?"
"Food As It Should Be"... Or Not...
"I know it's not technically 'fast food', but Panera Bread pisses me off."
"Insanely expensive for extremely average food." - Reddit
"Their quality has decreased so much in the past few years and they’ve added weird sh*t to their menu like pizza and chicken sandwiches."
"Massive identity crisis and crap food."- asm233
Things Ain't What They Used To Be...
"All of them, now that they charge real restaurant prices."- P00pf4rt5
"As much as I hate to say it, McDonald's is the only place that I can think of that the quality hasn't changed much."
"I mean, that's a pretty low bar, but it is what it is."- gnatman66happy ronald mcdonald GIF by McDonald's CZ/SKGiphy
"The majority of them, especially the really big ones (McDonald's, Wendy's, BK, Pizza Hut, etc)."
"The prices are no longer fast food prices and the quality is not there like it used to be."
"Far better local options that cost roughly the same at the end of the day."- senorita_diablo
Consistency Is Key...
"You can go to the same location three separate times, have the food made by the same staff, and receive 3 wildly different results."- AndrewLampart
Not So Popular Anywhere, It seems...
"KFC in France became so bad."- SterBout
"KFC."- calm4ufried chicken animation GIF by octavioterolGiphy
Likely Won't Go National...
"Idk how wide spread they are, but in the Buffalo NY area there is a chain called Mighty Taco."
"They were even voted best tacos a few years ago."
"It is absolutely terrible food."
"I’ve tried to like it and given them 3 chances."
"Each time I couldn’t eat more than a couple bites."
"Absolutely terrible and I’m disgusted even thinking about their sour vomit in a tortilla."- aa-2020
"I think I’ve answered this question before but definitely for me, it’s Subway."
"Nothing but a giant hunk of bread."
"I’m editing this to add that part of my anger about Subway is how good it used to be."
"I can remember the days of nearly a whole can of tuna salad delicious sub."
"And a Veggie sub with Swiss cheese and piles of yummy veggies and the sweet Vidalia onion sauce."
"It’s all gone to sh*t."
"I would’ve been perfectly OK with increasing price but the big drop in quality pissed me off."
"Oh woe is me with my first world problems."- Mysterious-Region640football ok GIF by Subway ColombiaGiphy
Quantity Doesn't Guarantee Quality...
"Starbucks is a scam."- cmkeller62
Tasty, But Not Worth It...
"I’m going to say Five Guys."
"Not because the food isn’t good, but because I’m not paying $20 for a burger meal."- 2PacTookMyLunchMoney
"Dairy queen grill and Chill for sure."
"I worked at one for a lil' while and 1 burger combo is $14.56 CAD."- lolidk13Ice Cream Miracle Treat Day GIF by Children's Miracle Network HospitalsGiphy
And Not In A Good Way...
Big Kahuna Burger, it kills you."-Darklock2022
No two people have the same taste in food.
Some people know to avoid crappy food, while others eat literally nothing else.
There are several movies I've watched so many times I think the viewings outnumber the days I've lived.
And much like a favorite tv series or movie, who wouldn't love to start again anew?
Experiencing that first time but with that feeling of... "I'm gonna love this forever."
We never appreciate the first time enough.
But that's life.
Warning: there are spoilers below.
Redditor Jacale1 wanted to discuss all the movies we wish we could experience new all over again, so they asked:
"What is one movie that you wish you could watch again for the first time?"
There are a lot of mystery movies I'd love to redo, just to figure out the killer sooner.
Gasps!Raining The Shawshank Redemption GIFGiphy
"The Shawshank Redemption."
"A great nominee. Will never forget gasping when that rock went through the poster, and again when the warden pushed his arm through and ripped it down.... wow."
Over and Over
"Edge of Tomorrow."
"Is it bad that I got enjoyment knowing Tom Cruise died a lot in that movie. Never on screen, but it happened. Over and over. I hate that guy. How the hell was he the same height as Nichole Kidman in the movies they acted in together. Rhetorical question."
"Honestly the whole reason I watched the movie to begin with is that he kept dying over and over."
“'Stardust'- if you don’t know you’ll never know."
"I’m surprised that a fantasy romcom can be so enjoyable, for a straight guy. It’s just the right balance between fantasy, comedy, drama, and romance. Most of the female cast are very easy on the eyes too."
"I swooned when Yvaine glows while dancing on the ship, and when she talks emphatically to the mouse in the caravan. This movie has a lot of A listers, and they deliver. I’m not gonna lie, I have probably watched it half a dozen times."
"The book has so much more in it, even having seen the movie you'll feel like a child again."
"I watched this with my wife, who has never seen it, and that's about as close as you can get to watching it for the first time. It really displayed just how good the movie is. Also I love Aliens just as much for different reasons."
"Came here looking for this! I watched it for the first time with my dad when I was 11, and it’s one of my favorite childhood memories. Amazing movie."
Hey Arnoldsci-fi GIFGiphy
"I first watched this as a kid when I knew Arnold was the good guy in movies, and I had not seen T1. I wish I watched T2 for the first time after having watched T1. The mall scene would have been even more mind blowing."
T2 was definitely bada**!! I'd redo that.
"Bro, I'll go further. If I could watch the Nicholson covered in blood scene or the final scene between Damon and Wahlberg, I would be so freaking happy. The sheer acting clout on display for the first is near a masterclass while the last scene was just so business like, I'd love to relive that scene with fresh eyes. I love this freaking movie."
"The original Star Wars. Man, that blew our minds! It totally changed movies from then on. We'd never seen such incredible special effects. The story was so fun and the experience was amazing."
"Even though I’m not a franchise fan, I can get behind this answer. Because when I saw it first run, I was fourteen, and nothing like it had ever been done. I think it was the first movie where the special effects were the movie? Now that’s standard. It’s a reason people see many films now."
"So, for sheer originality, I’d watch it again, but only for the first time. I barely recall the second movie."
"The 6th Sense. I audibly gasped in the theater. All the clues are obvious on rewatch but that first time, before anyone knew M. Knight Shyamalan was a twist guy... wow."
"I never got to see it the first time. My girlfriend at the time (now wife) inadvertently let slip the ending thinking I had already seen it. I have never seen the point in watching it knowing the ending. But I did enjoy The Village."
"I watched it again and it was more of a sad film than a thriller."
"Spirited Away. I was blown away by how beautiful and bonkers it is."
"Saaaaame! Every single Studio Ghibli film, but Spirited Away especially! I’ve still watched it a million times though, and it’s always special. If I’m in a bad mood that film always cheers me up!"
"Also, Avatar-the last air bender. I know it’s not a movie, but I felt like it deserved a mention. I’ve watched the whole thing several times, and it’s always great, but I do wish I could forget it and rewatch it. I’m 35 btw... lol."
Great Scott!Doc Brown Shock GIF by Back to the Future TrilogyGiphy
"Back to the Future."
"I'd love to watch that in the cinemas... Now from the future."
Now I want to go to the movies.
There is no one way to anybody's heart or libido.
Sexy doesn't always have to equal raunchy.
I've known people turned on by music, books, nature, and even funerals (don't ask).
What starts someone's engine is a mystery.
Redditor asexyjohn18 wanted to hear about all the things that get people in the mood, so they asked:
"What is a non sexual trait that turns you on?"
I love a walk. A little strut. Nothing like getting the heart racing.
Tingleshair GIF by SB NationGiphy
"Getting my head scratched or having someone run their fingers through my hair."
"Same. It’s so pleasant when the tingles run down your spine... ;-) "
"When a girl genuinely laughs at jokes I make."
"I remember being on a first date with a beautiful woman and I made a bit of corny joke/comment and she laughed at it. I remember thinking, damn, wait till I get to my good stuff. I did get to my good material apparently as we were married. She gives me as many laughs as I give her."
"Kindness. When I see someone going out of their way to help others for no other reason than it’s the right thing to do… that is some truly attractive vibes."
"Apparently it's vanishing from this world really fast. People who show kindness often end up in losses (of course not everytime but most of the time yes). It really breaks my heart."
"Probably the sexiest thing out there. Someone can be smoking hot, funny, talented, etc. But if they're not kind, they're unattractive."
"Smiling right at me, and men stretching. LAWD HAVE MERCY!!"
"I have trouble smiling at women. Is this a turnoff for them? And ones I like are really hard to smile at. Because I know it's always going to be some really weird big smile if I am crushing which makes me feel like a super duper creep."
SimplicityHappy I Love You GIF by Warner Bros. DeutschlandGiphy
"Sorry if this is too kinky but i like it when they care about me."
"Too far man. You need to rethink your choices."
Sometimes it's all about the heart.
Eye 2 Eyei see you GIF by VH1Giphy
"When a guy explains something to you in a calm and understanding voice. Bonus points for gentle eye contact."
"Being crazily intelligent. Screw dirty talk, I want you to explain some unexplainable s**t in my ear."
"Heck yes. My best connections have been with a philosophy/history professor turned chancellor, an environmental engineer, and a neurosurgeon, all 3 Summa cum laude grads and conference speakers in their fields. The downside to genius though is complete absorption in their fields leaving little time for in person connection."
"Everyone should know how to cook. Hunger knows no gender. I like to eat good food so I learned how to cook. I asked my mom one day and she reacted surprised. She was more than grateful to have an opportunity to teach me the ‘finer’ aspects of cooking, as she called it. Lol. I love food."
"My girlfriend, now wife, likes to jokingly say I got her into bed with a well seasoned steak and homemade fries. I mean we did sleep together almost immediately after we finished dinner so maybe she’s right. That old saying comes to mind. 'The quickest way to the heart is though the stomach.'"
"When I ask my husband for help when I repot my plants and he delicately cleans and moves the leaves. He is a mechanical engineer and he works with huge pieces of industrial equipment, seeing him so tenderly caring for my plants just makes me melt."
Limbs A LotExcited Thomas Lennon GIF by ABC NetworkGiphy
"Men doing intricate work with their hands."
"I second this, also someone who can play guitar/bass real real well... just watching their hands, whoa mama."
Well, it seems that just about anything can get someone in the mood, especially if you're kind, courteous, and especially a good cook.
Anything to add? Let us know in the comments below!