First Solution? Pass The Chore On To Someone Else.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't it traditional for nobody except the bride to wear white at a wedding? Does your mom not know this? It seems like a deliberate slap in the face to you. Maybe she doesn't realize that. Someone (not you) should maybe drop a hint to her about that.

the-incredible-ape

Stand Your Ground

You're going to have to be really firm about this. "Mom, the only person who wears white at a wedding is the bride. Please find another dress." And then if she starts making a fuss, exit the conversation. Don't get drawn in to arguing, don't defend yourself; your position is unassailable. You are absolutely right, and she is absolutely wrong. If she sends you another white dress photo, say "What other colors does it come in?"

RememberKoomValley

Ask Her What Other People Might Think

I'm not sure if this will work if her motives are about hurting you or showing you up, but you might try the whole "people at the wedding will think poorly of her if she goes through with this." Seriously, I worked at a wedding where this happened, and EVERYONE was giving the non-bride white dress wearing lady serious side-eye the entire night. There are a million and one wedding advice websites that explains this faux pas in detail, so you might just forward her a link to one of those.

One other thing to consider, is perhaps because it is going to be a super small destination wedding - maybe she thinks it's going to be more casual? I really have no idea what etiquette on these things are, but when you say small destination wedding I picture just your immediate family on the beach in flip flops. It's still your day and you can veto her dress, but just to give you an idea of where she might be coming from.

Either way, congrats on the engagement.

quanimal

Frame It As An Anecdote

You can frame it as being concerned about what others would say about her.

"I went to a friend's wedding where the mother wore white and all the guests could talk about was how trashy that was. I don't want you to be talked about that way."

It may be a total lie, but the threat to her reputation might just work.

sakkaly

Use The Power Of Computers

I saw this posted over in r/weddingplanning for another person with the same problem: let her wear whatever she wants, other guests will see how tacky it is. Then use photoshop to change the dress color for your wedding album.

Bearkaraoke

There's Not Even A Discussion To Be Had

I never understood why people other than the bride get so set on wearing white too. She's just being an unnecessary drama queen. Tell her it's not an option or something to be further discussed, she ain't wearing white.

darklordcthulhu_AMA

Lead Her To Her Own Answers

I have a mom who can sometimes fly off the handle at 'disrespectful' tones or words. What I have found useful is to phrase it as a question. "Isn't the bride the only be who is supposed to wear white? Why do you want to wear white at my wedding?"

See if you can get her to realize how ridiculous she's being.

mystery_boxx

Remember Who's Wedding It Is

You're going to have to have a backbone with her on this. I don't know that it's very taboo anymore to wear white to someone's wedding (I've seen it a lot recently), but the point is that it's your wedding and you get to set the rules.

Don't email her. Don't text her. I probably wouldn't even recommend calling her. Sit her down and tell her that you do like the dresses she sent you but you want to be the only one in that color on your day. Just stand firm and don't engage any further. Let her know that you would like to go with her to pick out a variety of dresses....make a day of it.

Just be firm and don't feel bad for her reaction. She is the only one in control of that.

Sweetestpeaest

Maybe It's All Okay?

My mom wore white to my wedding. I didn't mind. It was a rather informal ceremony and she wasn't trying to be rude. She just found a white dressy suit that she felt flattering. She asked if I minded and I said no.

Here's what I totally didn't anticipate. It completely ruined most of my wedding pictures. :(

My dress was champagne colored. And because she's my mom, she wanted to be right near me in the group shots.

So for every picture that had more than a few people in it, there's a woman in white standing near the middle and a woman in champagne next to her. It completely looks like she's the bride and I'm the bridesmaid.

Perhaps you should let her know about this issue. I'm not mad at my mom, as neither one of us thought of this, but I hate that I cringe every time I see my wedding pictures.

If she insists and you let her come wearing white, make her stand way off to the side in any of the photos.

tidderor

When All Else Fails, Set Her Up For Fail

If your mom insists on wearing a white or similarly colored dress to your wedding, I say let her. What will happen is people will think she's a moron and probably think worse of her.

No one will take your day away from you, I promise. :) You'll be beautiful and everyone will be there to see you. Let your mom embarrass herself.

EstroJen

H/T: Reddit