I'm so over dating. I'm gonna die alone and I'm fine with it. I can't, I just can't even deal with the search for love anymore.
And I felt this way long before COVID. It is like having another career. There are so many nutjobs running amok.
And truthfully once and awhile, we are the nutjobs. How could you not be after living through date disaster after disaster.
As if just putting oneself out there isn't bad enough, most of the time dating itself all falls apart.
Redditor u/ExtremeSeason3708 wanted everyone to pour a glass of wine and dish about dates nights gone awry by asking:
What's the most embarrassing date you've been on?
After a really lovely beginning, the last date I went on, the gentleman across from me told me he had a small secret. No big deal, but he wanted to be honest. He was an ex-convict. I won't get into why, but needless to say, it was a bit much. It didn't go well from there. But we were both too embarrassed to leave.
Goodnight
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"It was one of those setups where my mom and his mom were friends and they were like, "our two nerdy, intensely introverted loner kids should date!" Unfortunately that was the literal entirety of what we had in common, so."
"Bonus detail: we went to a theater that was showing "The Big Sleep." He fell asleep".
Chest Pump
"Organised a date with this gorgeous girl while I was at the surf club. Call for a rescue goes off and I'm running off to do my thing. Pull this older guy from the water, he is not in great shape and has stopped breathing. CPR and the whole works. 10 minutes later and the ambos take him away."
"At the date she wanted to know if I was gay or bi, had to explain what CPR was, that I wasn't attracted to the person and that it's to try and save a life. Nope, she wasn't buying it, I was was clearly gay for drowned men."
Butt First
"My freshman year of college, I went on a first date with a guy from my Italian class. We had pizza and after dinner, we were walking around and it started to drizzle. I was wearing ballerina flats with no treads."
"I took a step on the wet cobblestones and my foot shot out from under me. I landed on my butt, hard. I was mortified, of course, so I stood up quickly. My date asked if I was okay. I remember saying that I felt queasy... and the next thing I knew I was regaining consciousness in the gutter."
"A woman stopped to help. I eventually got up and finished my date at the student health center. It turned out I'd broken my tailbone. I had to sit on a donut cushion in class for the next two weeks. It didn't work out. It's too bad because breaking my butt on our first date would have made a great " how we met" story."
V-Day Mishaps
"This was embarrassing in the moment, but it worked out. It was a 2nd date, but it was also Valentine's day, so I decided to get her flowers, a card that plays music, and some chocolates. It was freezing cold, but I didn't have anywhere to keep them besides my car. I took the chance the flowers might die."
"We had a nice date, and when we get back to my car I got them out. Oh those flowers were DEAD. "Ah well...". She opened the card, and the sound chip just went bbbzzzzzzzz. I sighed and said "Well... I hope the chocolates are okay". She started laughing and gave me our first kiss."
Best Excuses For Late Assignments That Were Actually True | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
Perfect Start
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"First date with my now wife, I got food poisoning and had violent diarrhea on the side of the road and had to clean myself with an old shirt I had in the back of my car."
See now, any gastric issues, I'd have to excuse myself and run into the shadows. So some of these people are stronger (or just maybe more adult) than I am. Also movies aren't a good idea until you're already a solid item.
All by Myself
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"Girl and I made plans to meet at an outdoor mall and see a movie, this was back in middle school so my mom had to drive me in about an hour's worth of traffic, and she cancels 15 minutes out."
"I felt so bad for my mom driving me all the way there already so I simply pretended like she hadn't canceled, my mom dropped me off, and I watched a movie by myself. Almost cried but I kept it together. But I mean the movie was good at least."
In the Library...
"Valentine's Day at college. My boyfriend walks into the library and finds me studying. He presents me with a bundle of flowers and the most horrible gift I've ever seen… here's a pic. https://imgur.com/gallery/AWKAGVc"
"Well I had apparently joked about it while we were at target one day and so he bought it for me as a joke. It didn't fit in my backpack and so I had to carry it around my college classes for the rest of the day. Several teachers asked me about it and I was mortified."
"Well I still married him a little later and we've been together 6 years since getting married. Honestly it grew on me enough that I still have it to this day. It's supposed to be a toddler body pillow but it's just the right size for hugging while you sleep. He's asked if he can throw it away a few times but I won't let him. I've actually tried to find the damn thing a few times online but haven't been successful. Even after using its barcode and factory info. I figure it's getting pretty gross and soon I should let it go."
- Zetta216
UpChuck
"First date with my now husband. We are both very anxious people who had little experience with dating and we were both so nervous. I threw up right before the date. He came to pick me up and we drove to the library where we were planning to use their wifi to watch Netflix in the back of the car (despite being almost 20 years old, my mom would not let us hang out in my bedroom at home)."
"As soon as we got to the library he got out of the car and threw up in the parking lot. I then admitted to him that I had also thrown up right before the date. He tried to play it off as us having the flu or food poisoning but we both knew it was really just the nerves."
Hey Dad!
"I went with a girl to see a really late night theater show. It ended at like 2am, well past when public transit stopped running. We didn't have a car or money for a taxi so we walked back to her family's house since I lived much further away. We collapsed fully clothed on her bed and instantly fell asleep."
"Three hours later her dad shook me awake and demanded to know who I was, then when he found out I was studying chemistry in college he started questioning me about thermodynamics, which was... really not my strongest subject."
Yo Eli!
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"He took off his shirt at outback until the waitress asked him to put it back on then stood in the parking lot loudly (and badly) rapping to his own music. Shoutout to Eli."
Woof!
"A woman asked me on a date to a dog park bar. I told her my dogs don't travel well so it would just be me, which she said was fine. I got there and she also didn't bring her dog. Then she tells me she's a recovering alcoholic and doesn't drink. So we're at a dog park bar with no dogs and no drinking. The date lasted another twenty minutes or so before she began crying about how she'd ruined everything and ran to her car. Suddenly I was a guy at a dog bar with no dogs or drinks that just made a woman cry and run away."
George Costanza
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"My George Costanza moment. Went out on a date with a girl going to college at a neighboring town. Went to dinner and what have you. When I went to take her back to her college apartment, we sat and chatted in my truck for a few minutes. Then she said "my roommates gone, do you want to come up for coffee?" My response was "no, I don't like coffee."
"She gave me a strange look, we said our goodbyes and I left. I was half way home when it hit me. I wish I could say I'm just going off the Seinfeld episode, but nope. tmobley87 is a big idiot when it comes to women. But met my now wife of 8 years the next month so I say it worked out."
Nevermind
"I was 13 and it was my first date. She wanted to meet at some place and then go somewhere else, but I was pretty bad at knowing places so I had to ask my mom where it was. She gave me a lift and I thought she'd go away but she apparently went out to see what's happening. Not knowing I was being watched I met her and we started walking when suddenly my mom yelled out from behind us that we were going in the wrong direction. I was so embarrassed I wasn't able to talk to the girl normally after and just went home very quickly because I thought the whole thing was already screwed."
IBSed...
"When I was in high school I dated a guy with IBS and my parents insisted multipe times on having him over for dinners where he would just sit there because he couldn't eat any of our food. It would've been fine if my parents ever let him and I cook (food he could eat, which we always offered) or if people in my family freaking talked! We're a VERY introverted family and that's fine when it's just us, but when you're 17 and your boyfriend is bored and hungry and your family is just chewing in silence... ugh, the cringe."
Excuse me?
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"We went to Burger King, she asked me to take her virginity in the bathroom and I said no. This was followed by very silent chicken burger eating."
- -IIll
Fun and Games
"I invited my bf at the time over to watch movies in my basement. Instead my grandmother sat in between us and we watched the game show channel. For 3 hours. And it wasn't even like she was trying to prevent us from doing stuff. She just wanted to hang out with us."
When at Starbucks
"When I was a teenager, there was this girl that I really liked. We started to hang out a lot more after we ended up in a class together. Around two months after the class started, she asks if I want to go get coffee sometime. I of course say yes, ecstatic that she asked me out. However, while we were on the "date," she started saying stuff about how people always mistook her for a lesbian, saying how there is no way in hell she would ever go out with a girl."
"I was thrown off by this, because I thought that she, a girl, asked me, a girl, out on a date. I said that I thought that she asked me out, and she got really embarrassed, so now both of us are sitting in the middle of Starbucks on a sort-of date that only one of us wanted to be on."
Hold Please...
"We had a mediocre date, then walked to her apartment. On the way, she took a phone call about a couch she was buying. This call continues for the next few hours (!!!) of the date. To entertain me she put on a show on Netflix- You. This show is about a stalker, and is not really good first date material. At the end she said, resigned, "There isn't going to be a second date, is there?" And I agreed there would not be."
Pooped
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"Was just a meet and greet coffee date with somebody I met online. We went for a walk down a tree lined street and a bird shat on my head."
- Jogaila2
Somebody find Eli. Now that had to be fun, at the very least. I just drag dates to karaoke. But, a parking lot works. And just so y'all know... I'm even MORE over dating now. LOLOLOL
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When we're intoxicated, or even the slightest bit tipsy from having a little too much to drink, our immediate perspective on things is hazy.
But there's nothing like a bit of alarming news or a jarring incident to snap us out of the fog and focus on the moment.
Sometimes alcohol isn't always to blame for our impairment.
It can be a state of mind, like a perpetual numbness from being complacent in life, and all it takes is one shocking moment to rattle us back to our senses.
Curious to hear from strangers online about this type of scenario, Redditor Known_Challenge_7150 asked:
"What’s one thing that sobered you up real quick?"
These individuals were witness to shocking events that sobered them up right quick.
Bleeding Out
"Got out of a taxi and found a naked man profusely bleeding from his head crawling up the driveway in my condo. Called him an ambulance completely forgot I was absolutely wasted until 45 minutes later when I'd helped him translate and in to an amublance and stepped in my front door."
"Later a few days later learned he'd slipped in the tub and literally crawled out for help. Poor dude. He was fine but I genuinely thought he was going to die there."
– DongLaiCha
Tragic News
"At a bachelor party and we got a phone call that the groom’s father had suddenly passed."
– accountnameredacted
Bottom Of The Barrel
"I went to visit my parents back in July. I was homeless and deep into fentanyl addiction so I lost a lot of weight. My folks could see it. They knew something was up. Anyway, I spent the night and I was getting ready to leave in the morning and I looked at myself in the mirror for a good long time. I finally had enough and told them everything. They took me to detox, from there I went to rehab. Graduated in August and been living with them ever since then. I have 160 days clean and sober."
– Crotch-Monster
A reality check can be enough for some people to snap out of it.
Like Father, Like Son
"Was driving a drunk friend home, he had been on a bender again and was smart enough to call me for a lift rather than try and drive. As I helped in to his house his mother came down the stairs and said 'your as drunk as your father' and went back upstairs. I haven't seen him drunk since then, he still drinks but the thought of turning into his dad scared him out of hard drinking."
– psycospaz
Busted
"Flashing blue lights."
– FiddleOfGold
"This sobered me up just thinking about it."
– redmaple_syrup
Losing Sight
"Woke up to no sight in one eye. I had cataract surgery so just thought one of the lenses had slipped and it was an easy fix. Eye doc says nope, you had a stroke. I loved soy sauce, teriyaki sauce and salty food, which caused high blood pressure, which caused retina damage. Over six months was able to get most of my eyesight back with medication, and all back within a year. Trying to navigate life with one eye was very sobering. Started taking HBP much more seriously."
– MissHibernia
Quitting The Bottle
"Looked up someone I went to highschool with who was an awesome guy. Found out he had been dead for 3 years from alcoholism, at age 33. I made an overnight change. I hadn't started drinking that night yet, 10 months ago. Haven't touched it again since."
– omgtater
These disturbing moments were enough for Redditors to immediately come to their senses.
Unplanned House Guests
"Me and a buddy Woke up in someone’s living room, realized neither one of us knew the people, they were just nice and let 2 drunk guys sleep on their living room floor. We didn’t even say goodbye."
– Oneinsevenbillion75
Serious Health Warning
"Elevated liver enzymes."
"And the knowledge that this sh** was gonna kill me and I just couldn't orphan my family over it."
"So I opted for recovery, instead."
"Clean and sober since June 5, 2009."
– Far_Meal8674
The Joyride
"Grew up in a rural area. The little town hosted dances at the hockey arena, everyone (adults and kids) went and they overserved everyone, regardless of age. I was maybe 16 or 17 and was absolutely sh*tfaced, and jumped in the back of someone's truck with about 8 other people to go back to someone's cottage for after dance drinking. The driver (still don't know who it was) started racing one of his buddies and we whipped around small dirt roads, flying around blind corners on the wrong side of the road, going god knows how fast. It was basically a disaster waiting to happen. It was crazy scary and I was sober and thankful to be alive when we finally arrived."
– foxfood9116
The human psyche is a fascinating thing, isn't it?
How we can automatically focus on something urgent at a crucial time, even after getting buzzed from drinking too much alcohol.
But as we're in the thick of the holidays, it's a good reminder to drink responsibly and stay off the roads if you drive to your celebratory destination.
Cheers. Stay safe. And happy holidays.
We've all complained or vented about something in our lives which, in the grand scheme of things, wasn't exactly a problem, or is very easily solved.
Then there are those who complain about things that others almost hope will happen to them at some point in their lives.
These are known as "first world problems", as they are problems that pretty much only the world's one percent faces.
From having to fly business class instead of first class, or being served Roederer instead of Dom Pérignon, these complaints are often met with amusement, bewilderment, or even anger.
Redditor jennimackenzie was curious to hear the most absurd "first world problems" anyone ever complained about, leading them to ask:
"What’s the most ridiculous 'first world problem' you’ve seen people get worked up over?"
"Tale As Old As Time..."
"I once knew a mom who was legitimately devastated, to the point of tears/grief, because a doctor predicted her 8 year old daughter's final height to be around 5'2","
"Which wasn't tall enough to get cast as Belle at Disney World."
"That was the child's (and her mother's) only dream in life, apparently."
"Didn't appreciate my suggestion that she could be Minnie or Mickey."
"Lol!"
"Only a face character would do!"- TravelLovingMom
"Must Be Funny, In A Rich Man's World..."
"My boss from about a decade ago was this insanely rich dude who always went to the bank to get fresh and crisp currency."
"He'd call the bank in advance to make sure they had some on hand."
"I think he was a germaphobe."
"He had a trash can that he'd throw $1 and $5 bills in that he thought was 'dirty' and regularly just donated it vs spending it."
"I asked him why he did this and he said it was too much trouble and asked if I wanted it."
"I said f*ck yeah dumped it into my bag and when I got home it was close to $400 in singles and fives.
"Another time, he wanted to upgrade all the computers in his studio, so we went to a store and bought 10 PCs."
"They all had $150 mail in rebates and he wasn't bothered to go through the trouble of mailing them in."
"3 weeks later I received $1500 after spending a whole afternoon filling out all those goddamn forms."- azninvasion2000
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Who Wore It Better?
"When I was about 19 years old, I was at my boyfriends family BBQ."
"I was wearing this pretty floral sundress."
"His cousins girlfriend showed up in the same dress and she was SO mad that she went and changed."
"I will never understand being upset when someone is wearing the same thing as you.'
"Did you really think that your shirt you bought off the rack is going to be unique to you?"
"No."- mertsey627
Seeing Red! Or Blue In This Case...
"The blue of the balloons wasn't quite the same as the bridesmaid's sashes."
"Years ago my wife and I attended a wedding."
"It was very low key."
"The dinner was in the dining hall at the university where the couple met, cinder block walls and all."
"It was a Baptist wedding - no booze and very serious."
"The dark blue balloons attempting to liven up the hall were a slightly darker shade of blue than the sashes on the bridesmaid's dresses."
"The bride lost here sh*t and absolutely raved for nearly an hour."
"I can't remember how they finally managed to talk her down."- mechant_papa
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See You In Court!
"Rich neighbors who end up in expensive court battles because they disagree about where a tree can be planted or whether the color of a fence fits in with the street’s 'amenity'."
'These disputes get really heated and rack up huge lawyers’ bills."
"The most pathetic part is after the judgement when they are arguing about who should pay the other party’s costs."
"Lots of affidavits filed citing the 'emotional distress' they had to endure, or painting themselves as brave warriors who were forced to take a stand to fight for 'justice'."
"Also lots of pompous litigants insisting that the judge refer to them by their 'Dr' title."
"An absolutely insane dumpster fire of entitled rich people problems."- ElectrocRaisin
It's Always People With Money Who Don't Want To Pay!
"I work in a public library."
"People will get so so mad if they have to be put on a wait list for a book."
"A popular book that just came out."
"Ok our services are not only free but so are the books."
"You’re welcome, a**holes."- Switchbladekitten
A Warm Butt Is A Happy Butt!
"My own."
"We have a bidet toilet seat (Fabulous! Everyone should have one!) and not only does it wash your bum and blow dry it, but the seat's heated!"
"It's shocking how much a heated toilet seat makes the whole process more agreeable."
"Except: We had a power outage and I went to use the toilet and the seat was cold!"
"Unacceptable!"
"This shall not stand!"
"I was really upset because it didn't feel good."
"Then I stopped and thought: This is the most first-world problem anyone's ever had."
"I was really pissed because my heiny was tepid."
"I got over it."- DeathGrover
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Holy Matrimony!
"Weddings are a gold mine for this question."
"People get so hyped up over their 'most important day of their life'."
"They'll destroy friendships, go into debt, and have crazy expectations."
"It's not always the couple who go crazy, either."
"Sometimes, it's the parents or another family member who feels entitled to control the wedding."
"It's just a party."
"Be considerate of guests, have plenty of food and drinks, and enjoy it."- magicrowantree
When Fast Food Isn't Fast Enough...
"Having to pull off to the side to wait for a drive-thru order to be brought out to you because your food isn't ready and there's a line building up behind you."- demanbmore
In Case You Don't Think Customer Service Employees Are Undervalued...
"I was working the return desk at a Target next to a military base so I have so many stories."
"One of my favorites was a lady who had her baby shower before revealing the gender and was livid that she had received floral newborn diapers when she’s having a boy."
"It was a huge box of super expensive, all organic diapers, that we didn’t carry and therefore could not return."
"I cannot accurately express her fury and disgust."
"How dare either suggest her boy could wear feminine diapers."
"I suggested she donate them if she didn’t want to use them and she instead threw away the entire box."
"When she left we pulled it out and threw it in our donate bin."
"There have also been multiple times where mom’s order massive toys and when we bring them out to the car they get furious that they aren’t wrapped."
"We don’t offer wrapping services."
"Here’s the thing, if you don’t want your kids to see the toys you got them for Christmas or their bit to day DON'T BRING THE CHILD WHEN YOU PICK IT UP."
'I’ve had multiple women scream and curse me out that I had ruined their kids Christmas by bringing the toys they ordered out to the car like they requested."- clever-mermaid-mae
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Happiest Place On Earth!
"I used to work for Disney."
"That in itself should tell you everything."
"However for fun I'll give you two specific stories one form our tech department and one from my wife who worked bookings."
"I specifically worked for their call center to help with technical issues with magic band and the website."
"Suddenly got worse huh?"
"A right of passage call everyone has at least one story of is the 'Dome call'."
"Basically there is a subset of Disney Guest (TM) that believes if it rains at Walt Disney world there is someone that will push a button to encapsulate the whole of Disney property in a dome to keep out the rain."
"I'm not kidding."
"If this button is not pushed they call our tech department to angrily ask why."
"My wife worked booking."
"Pretty much everything including Bibbidi Bobbidi boutique and Pirate's league."
"These two things did roughly the same thing difference being price and theme."
"BBB was expensive did more and was focused on princesses, pirates league did a bit less and focused on mermaids and pirates."
"Lady called up my wife, and got pissed about BBB being booked up (It goes FAAAAST)."
"Karen: 'Im going to give the phone to my daughter and I want you to tell her how you are ruining her vacation by not letting her do BBB'."
"Wife proceeds to explain how pirate's league is so much cooler and how she can be a mermaid or pirate and basically gets the kid to start demanding to their parents about how they want to be a mermaid instead of a princess."- trollsong
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The horror!
Being booked into a junior suite at Disney World instead of an executive suite!
It's almost as bad as having no money for groceries, or no food to feed you children...
Said absolutely no one.