Sure, a career in the military is a tough choice.
But that doesn't mean you can't have any fun. Once in a while punishment comes along with a few laughs.
Thank God for the laughs while you're in service right?
A serious career path like that definitely needs some levity.
Redditor ccohen_2023 wanted to hear a few giggles from service folk out there by asking:
"Military personnel of Reddit, what's the most hilarious punishment you've seen given out?"
Trash Collection.
I once watched a private collect exhaust samples with garbage bags in the motor pool and then run them to the 1SG to turn them in, definitely hilarious. Gypsy-Fitz
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"WOO HOO I'M IN SECOND PLATOON!"
When I was in Basic Training, we had a guy who ran out of the DFAC and got into the wrong platoon formation. When the DS takes roll she notices the guy is missing and asks everyone where he is. We had only been in Basic for 2 days and didn't know everyone yet but she put us all in the front leaning rest saying we should know all our battles by now. A few moments later, a DS down the line starts yelling at some kid about him not belonging to his platoon. Our DS goes over and finds out its her missing recruit and he starts getting yelled at by both DS of them for a few minutes.
Eventually, one DS comes up with the idea that every time this guy gets in formation has to hold up his hands with two fingers up (like a peace sign) and repeatedly shout "WOO HOO I'M IN SECOND PLATOON!" until the DS stops him. He did for this a couple of days, maybe a week before the DS finally told him he could stop but each time he did we all had to stifle our laughter because he went all out and screamed the line with an extremely cheery excited voice each time. Independant_Hawk
MOUSE MILK MAKES.....
Watched a notorious screw-up stand in the quad next to the bell with in his t-shirt and boxers, his t-shirt tied into a belly shirt, flexing his arms and shouting: "SIR, MOUSE MILK MAKES ME MIGHTY, SIR". For thirty minutes straight. penny_can
Rocks Away....
Not my story but a guy I knew was late to formation so the drill sergeant says to him "Those rocks are looking a bit dark" and proceeds to have him walk around flipping rocks over and putting sun block on them for a few hours. an_iron_giant
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Working Together...
When I was in the Army, I was a 155mm howitzer section chief (E-6).
My gun crew decided they didn't want to work and live together.
When we were training for section evals, the infighting got bad. I told my gunner (E-5) to get them on the same page.
That afternoon we have some fire missions that were timed. Again, they are screwing up.
We break for chow and I have an epiphany.
At the end of the fire mission, I decide that the problem had to be the rounds we were shooting. I mean the problem couldn't possibly be with the howitzer, and my crew said they were fine, so it must be the rounds we were shooting.
During our break for chow, I talk with one of the other section chiefs and he tells me his rounds were just fine, but he was willing to trade me his rounds for mine.
For those of you who aren't privy, a 155mm Artillery round weighs 95lbs and are about 2' tall. This will give you an idea of the set up.
The other gun was about 1/3 of a mile down and there were two other guns between us.
when I told my crew we would be trading our rounds for others, they grumbled, then started to secure the ammo track. Oh no! the track stays put.
My gun crew manually carried 84 rounds out of our ammo track, across the firing point, to the other ammo track. Unloaded and reloaded their track and loaded our track.
After 84 trips over and back, with the entire battery watching, I think we found a resolution to our problem.
Funny thing, that other gun chief didn't have the 1st issue with any of those rounds and somehow, I didn't have any with his. gunbunnycb
Yakima firing center 1980.....
Yakima firing center 1980. A cook, belonging our unit found a 155mm dud HE round. Thought it was cool. Took it and put it UNDER the propane stove in the Mess truck. For safe keeping. The first sergeant, while getting a cup of coffee on the tailgate saw it. He moved everyone out, made the cook, CAREFULLY get the round out of the truck and put down. Then he put the guy in full web gear flak jacket helmet and goggles and sent him (with the round) to the top of a very steep hill,1/4 mile off. Opneckbeard
Snip, snip Here...
Some folks in my platoon had to "mow" the grass. It took 'em all day because they had to use their fingers and tear each blade. TheAlphaCoco
My DI made my division do it with fingernail clippers and a ruler. Lol. bigboog1
Bam. Bam.
During my training, one portion of it required an obstacle course. For one of the puzzles you had to lay down wooden planks across platforms and bring a wheel barrel across them. Seems easy but there weren't enough planks and you had to get creative. One guy layered down a plank, walked across it and it snapped a good portion off. The instructors ganged up on him because he broke "government property."
As punishment, for the rest of the duration of the course (5 weeks) wherever he went he had to bring the portion of wood he broke off. Bathroom. Chow. Swimming pool. Ruck. Everywhere. We decorated it and wrapped some duct tape to make a handle. The best part is this guy is close to 5 feet tall. So the instructors called him Bam Bam. scrublord420_1738
You are m y Sunshine...
My personal favorite was sweeping sunshine. Someone, usually a private, pisses off a superior, but not in such a serious enough fashion that they have to involve UCMJ. If they really annoyed someone, they're usually told to get in full battle rattle (armor, helmet, pads, the full 9). Once they report in, they're given broom and are ordered to sweep the sidewalk until there's no more sunshine on it. As you can probably expect, this is going to be a very long day. Madrojian
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Signs Up.
While deployed @ camp Fallujah, two Marines got caught speeding in a clapped out Iraqi car. Their punishment was to hold sign that said slow down. pic
Most punishments I saw outside of NJPs were just straight up physical punishment and were only funny because I was not getting punished. truss84
Skuzzbrush ....
Skuzzbrush (sp?) - noun - little hand brush they give you in Marine bootcamp to clean the floors.
Our drill instructors made one of the recruits push the brush as fast as he could across the squad bay floor- back and forth - without anything other than his feet touching the ground. This was completely normal and a daily occurrence for all of us. The difference this time was this recruit was caught laughing.
So he was forced to clean the floors alone; with all of the platoon watching from "on the line"...while he was required to scream "WEEEEEE" in a loud girly falsetto voice for like 15 minutes. It started out hilarious, but he got tired quick and it got hard to watch.
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"STOP! NOW LAY AN EGG"
One Sunday during bootcamp we were supposed to be cleaning the barracks, so naturally, nobody was doing anything. One of the guys in my platoon got up on one of the footlockers and was squatting on top of it and started saying "Yo, check it out I'm a bird". At that moment we heard "AT EASE" as a Drill Sergeant walked in, gaze transfixed on this dude still squatting on top of the footlocker. Drill Sergeant says to him "Okay you wanna be a bird, huh? Get down here".
Dude hops off and the DS makes him run around the barracks squawking like a bird. Mid-flight the DS stops him and says "STOP! NOW LAY AN EGG" so the dude promptly squats down and lets out the FATTEST fart I've heard in a long time. There was not a single soul in those barracks that wasn't dying. A million push-ups from everyone immediately followed. kevingo8450
SUCK IT UP!!!
There was this dude who failed field day (where your barracks room has to be inspection ready) due to the inspecting SNCO finding dust.
During the next formation after we broke into our squads for PT, I saw his squad leader hand him a vacuum cleaner. When they stepped off to go on 5 mile run, they started singing cadence..."AAAHHHHH SUCK IT UP!! (SUCK IT UP)!!!! SUCK IT UP!!! (SUCK IT UP)!!!" Nukular-Weapons
"integrated division"
I was in an "integrated division" during boot camp, meaning we had men and women in our division. We had separate barracks across the hall from one another, and because the RDCs (instructors) could be in either one, and you had men and women coming and going to speak with them, we had a strict rule about always having at least the PT uniform (shorts, t shirts, and tennis shoes) on unless you were in the head (bathroom/showers).
One guy forgot, and walked out of the showers with his shirt tossed over his shoulder and Senior Chief saw him before he got to his bunk.
"I'M FABIO, LOOK AT ME!"
"HOLY CRAP RECRUIT. YOU MUST THINK YOU'RE MODEL OR SOMETHING. WHO GAVE YOU PERMISSION TO STRUT ACROSS MY DAMN DECK?"
He took a plain white undershirt, drew fake abs and chest hair on it, and made the guy march up and down the halls shouting "I'M FABIO, LOOK AT ME" for a half hour before making him do mountain climbers until we went to mess. ShoddyBiscotti1
RIP... Private Dustin.
When i was on BMQ my roommate had a decent sized dust bunny under his bed. leadership made him name it, preserve it and have it inspection ready every morning.
RIP... Private Dustin. jeffrk
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These are stories from another similar thread, but they are too good not to share.
One was a guy who's DI caught him swatting a spider. He was made to dig a 6' deep human sized grave, bury the spider, and had to write a one+ page letter to the spiders parents on why their son would not be coming home.
The other was a guy who got caught with skittles and had to dig a 1'X1'X1' hole for each skittle and bury them all. Then, for the next week (or month?), had to wake up a half hour earlier than everyone else so he could go water his skittle plants every morning. crapiforgotmypasword
So Many....
A couple spring to mind:
- Someone carrying a potted plant with them everywhere they went to replace the oxygen they were wasting.
- Carrying a rock around everywhere they went to replace the ID card they lost.
I'm sure there are others I am forgetting, but these are the first I thought of. KosherCowboy0932
"SOUR SKITTLES MASTER CORPORAL"
We had a drawer in our locker that was supposed to be for something that's important to you. After a while you start running out of stuff that you feel strongly towards but this one guy put in a bag of sour skittles. Inspection time comes around and the staff opens the drawer.
"What the heck is this!?"
"SOUR SKITTLES MASTER CORPORAL"
"THIS IS WHAT'S MOST IMPORTANT TO YOU!?"
"YES MASTER CORPORAL"
"WELL YOU BETTER TRAIN IT UP THEN"
So the guy had to stand there with the bag of sour skittles and shout drill commands at it for the rest of the inspection. He'd shout "RIGHT TURN" then turn the bag to the right, throw in some left turns and about turns. Took everything in me not to crack up every time he would do it. frontpagepirate1
Not Anymore!!!
In Navy boot camp, the recruit master-at-arms is responsible for the overall cleanliness of the barracks.
During a massive shakedown of the entire company, our master-at-arms (and Navy SEAL candidate) had to go down the line and yell at each one of us "THESE FLOORS ARE DIRTY AS HELL AND I'M NOT GONNA TAKE IT ANYMORE!" while we stood there, straight-faced. mwatwe01
Scissorhands.....
Two people sharing a pair of scissors cutting grass. Each person holds on handle and work together. OneNightStandKids
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We can't say that's the easiest way to cut grass but it certainly is HILARIOUS.
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The old wives' tales.
They are the stories of legend.
I think we all need a big DEEP Google dive though.
Where did they originate?
WHO ARE THE OLD WIVES!
You don't hear about them as much anymore.
It's like science and logic are suddenly a thing.
But they sure are a good way to keep your kids and their behavior in line.
Redditor the_spring_goddess wanted to discuss the tall tales we've all been fed through life, so they asked:
"What is an old wives tale that people still believe?"
"Wait an hour to swim after eating."
What a crock!
So many summer hours wasted.
I want revenge for that one.
Say Nothing
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"An undercover cop has to tell you he's a cop if you ask him."
LonelyMail5115
"Pretty much most advice when it comes to cops are old wives tales. I’m not even a cop but most of the advice you hear is pretty off."
I_AM_AN_A**HOLE_AMA
Say Something
"That you have to wait 24 hours to report someone missing."
Severe_Airport1426
"I really think this one is important and should be the top regardless. As it’s a piece of advice that needs to be relearned and the only way to do that is through awareness."
crappycurtains
"This used to be true. I think they changed it after some guy named Brandon went missing back in the '80s or '70s. You used to have to wait 24 hours if the missing person was an adult because they had 'a right to be missing' and then everyone realized that was stupid and stopped doing it."
AlbinoShavedGorilla
Body Temps
"That drinking ice cold water after eating oily foods will solidify the oil and permanently remain in your body. I informed my coworker that if your body temperature ever reached that point, you’d have bigger problems than weight gain."
chriseo22
"Oh, I have a cousin who 100% believed this. One of those guys who believed every early 2000s internet rumor and old wives tale. One night I chugged a big glass of ice water after dinner and he started freaking out and saying my guts were gonna harden."
"I sarcastically told him to drive me to the hospital if that happened. Obviously, nothing happened and the next morning I said something like 'Thanks for being on standby in case my guts filled with hardened oil.' He just walked off muttering under his breath."
apocalypticradish
Arms Down
"When I was pregnant, I was told by young and old alike that I should NOT raise my arms above my head or exert myself in such a manner because it could cause cord strangulation to my unborn sons and daughters."
Fatmouse84
10 Years Actually
Unimpressed Uh Huh GIF by Brooklyn Nine-Nine
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"Chewing gum stays in your stomach for 7 years."
"I remember accidentally swallowing a piece of gum when I was a kid in like 1995 and just accepting my fate like welp, gonna have this in my stomach til high school I guess."
Gecko-911
I was so afraid to sallow my gum when I was young.
This tale is haunting.
High/Low
Hungry Debra Messing GIF by Will & Grace
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"You can tell the sex of the baby by how you carry."
LeastFormal9366
"Pregnancy certainly wins awards for the most old wives tales. So much absolute BS was repeated to us by everyone we talked to."
IllIIIlIllIlIIlIllI
The Cursed
"If you’re a woman and you wear opal jewelry but opal is not your birthstone (October), you’ll never be able to have children, or will be widowed, or just generally have bad luck or something. You can counteract this by having a diamond in the same piece of jewelry as the opal, though."
"I have a nice opal ring that my parents gave me years ago, and I’ve had other women give me this 'advice' unprompted more than once when I’ve worn it. I have absolutely no idea where it started, but I’m pretty sure this little chunk of silicate rock has no concept of what month I was born in, let alone of how my reproductive organs work."
SmoreOfBabylon
Stay In
"Going outside with wet hair will make you get pneumonia. Or an earache. Or maybe arthritis. Depends on which old wife you listen to."
"Jokes on them - I haven't blow-dried my hair in decades and usually leave the house with wet hair in the morning. On winter mornings, the tips of my hair get frozen. No ear infections or pneumonia or arthritis yet."
worldbound0514
Dreams and Facts
"You never make anyone up in your dreams you've seen everyone in your dreams somewhere else before and never make anyone up entirely."
"How would you possibly prove that to be true? My partner adamantly believes this and tells me this 'fact' whenever I have a dream about someone I've never met before."
mattshonestreddit
"My late wife used to tell me that before she met me she would have dreams of standing at an alter on her wedding day but could never see the guy's face, no matter how hard she tried. After meeting me the face was filled in with mine. Don't know if it's true but one of those things I like thinking of every now and then when I miss her."
Darthdemented
Cracked
Getting Ready Episode 2 GIF by The Office
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"Some people still believe cracking knuckles causes arthritis."
Choice-Grapefruit-44
"There's a doctor (Donald Unger) that cracked his knuckles a couple of times a day for 60 years, but only on one hand, just to prove it. Both hands remained exactly the same."
MacyTmcterry
I love my knuckles.
Do you have any tall tales to add to the list? Let us know in the comments below.
