Being a mall Santa is such a thankless job.
Dealing with annoying parents, hysterical children and teenage elf helpers is a lot to handle for Saint Nick himself, much less his retail counterpart.
Sometimes kids ask for the weirdest things and these former mall Santas will tell you all about them.
Redditor DoubleRemand asked:
"Mall Santas of Reddit, what is the weirdest thing a kid asked for Christmas?"
So petty.
Not a Santa, but I have been a Mrs. Claus for the last few years and I always ask the kids what they want while we do our crafts.
My favorite was this 4-5 year old girl that told me she wanted "one of those loud horns". She made a gesture like she was using those canned air horns and she made a little horn sound. She said she wants to use it to wake up her baby brother when he naps in the daytime so he "knows what it's like."
Solid list.
I was an assistant manager for a mall Santa with Noerr Programs. There was a special needs 20-something black guy that would come by nearly every day. He easily weighed more than 250 pounds so we did eventually convince him to sit next to Santa instead of on his lap.
Every time he had to remind Santa what he wanted for Christmas. His list was Home Alone on DVD, Straight Outta Compton on DVD, and Prince's 1999 album on CD. Santa was awesome and brought him the Prince CD a few days before Christmas.
What every child wants.
After waiting two hours in line my daughter asked Santa for a hot dog.
My daughter asked for pancakes one year. It was very cute.
But then I had to get up and make pancakes on Christmas morning instead of being lazy.
A young entrepreneur.
My uncle was a Santa and he told me that one year a kid asked for a coffee maker because he wanted to start his own Starbucks coffee stand instead of a lemonade stand. Apparently business was not very good as a lemonade stand but he noticed a lot of adults drink coffee, so he'd make coffee.
That kid is probably a millionaire now.
GiphyDream job.
I'm a teacher. I had one of my most difficult, obstinate, button-pusher kids come in at recess to talk to me. He said he was worried he would not get what he really wanted - to be a real elf, move to the North Pole and make all the presents. He had tears in his eyes and was the most sincere I had ever seen. Made me really appreciate how hard life was at home; he just wished for a way out.
When I was like 9 I wrote a goodbye letter to my parents telling them Santa was going to pick me up and take me to the North Pole.
I sat out in our car and waited on Santa to show up and take me away.
The most dumb thing about this was that it was the middle of the summer.
Good one, Santa.
Was a Santa at a party last week. A kid asked for a whistle that she could blow at night to wake her mom up and scare her when she was sleeping.
I said "No, that would put you on the Naughty list, let your mom sleep you little gremlin."
Mom laughed.
What a trooper.
I was a Santa in 1997 for a small, authentic Old-West village. I was 17 at the time and doing some local theater and the costume lady was asked to find someone to be Santa for the weekend. She told me she thought of me because "well you're not FAT, but you're big" (I'm 6'6"/1.98). So I put on a cheap costume that didn't fit well and the beard smelled like the last Santa threw up in it, and I waited in a prop shed in the plaza that was normally a sheriff office or something... tall, skinny, smelly Santa in a shed sitting on a plastic lawn chair.
Giphy
It was no wonder all the children screamed when they were put on my lap. None of them asked for anything in fact, as they were too busy being scared of me.*
I had a pair of girls and later a pair of guys from the local Christian high school dressed as elves on the first day to take polaroids and collect money. On the second day they flaked and I was by myself all day. I charged people money to enter my creepy shed and take pictures of their own kids.
*except for one young lady who was probably older than me and severely mentally disabled. Her parents were so apologetic because she was "too old" but she sat on my lap and smiled at me with total naked joy. I can still see her face 20 years later.
Right in the feels.
Worked as an elf for a couple years and we had this "Wish Jar" that you could put slips of paper in.
A little girl wrote something down on a piece of paper and folded it and quietly slipped it into the jar. The mom came rushing back after they left asking if we could get the paper out of the jar for her. She unfolded it and in crayon it said "I want Dad to come home". The mother started crying and took it with her.
Got some other weird and sad ones but that one hit me right in the feels.
Welcome to the real world.
My kid asked santa for Thor's hammer. Christmas morning he opens up Thor's hammer. So happy. First thing he did was chuck it across the living room and into the kitchen. Dishes smash, glass all over the floor. Kid was pissed it didn't come back to him. The look on his face. Pure Christmas devastation.
I'm literally crying.
I am the picture taker for the Santa that's at the store I work at. We had a young girl, maybe 8 years old, come in. A couple days previously she had told her mom that the only thing she wanted for Christmas was to meet her dad and give him a hug. So we helped the mom set it up. We held the line, had her take a pic with Santa and then when Santa asked what she would like for Christmas and she told him "my dad" he told her "well it's not Christmas yet but I may be able to help bring your wish come true". So Santa had her knock on the door to his 'workshop' where her dad had been hiding and they met and hugged for the first time in her memory. There wasn't a dry eye in the area...
That's the best part of being an 'elf' and working Santa pictures, being able to do something special like this for someone. It really makes all the crazies and a**holes easier to deal with
GiphySmart kid.
When my youngest was 4 she asked Santa for a brown, yellow and pink cow so she could have Chocolate, Banana or Strawberry Milk anytime she wanted.
The best present.
When I was like, maybe 8? I asked for a jar of pickle juice. I don't remember what reactions were but they were probably pretty funny.
However I do remember that on Christmas morning I got a jar of pickles without the pickles and just the juice, all with a big bow on it. And I just drank it like that with a straw. My mom thinks it's sickening.
That's messed up.
Was a Mall Santa in the Eighties. Things were pretty routine that year as far as toy requests. Ninja Turtles, New Kids on The Block Jackets, P.J. Sparkles Dolls.
And Lego, which never gets old, kids love to build things..
One perfectly normal looking little 12 year old girl came and asked for many fire-related items. Cigarette lighters, sparklers, a barbecue lighter, wooden matches, and pink ping pong balls. I immediately balked and said she might want to get more practical presents, toys and the like.
Mom put her hand right in front of my face, laughed merrily and said her daughter was 'just going through a phase...' and, I would be looking for a job elsewhere in fifteen minutes if I didn't shut up. Okay, no words to either. Threat by Mom duly noted by every parent in line, shoppers and staff. My mall camera store folks glared at the woman, and no one said anything else. They had their pictures with Santa taken, with me utterly dead eyed, and then left. Staff were visibly upset. We took a quick 5 minute break and came back.
GiphyMy boss was very concerned when I share this with him and said he knew exactly which child it was; that she was a privileged girl with very wealthy parents.
Boss: '' She'll be a newspaper headline one day kid... ''
Ten years later, I drew the now adult daughter's courtroom sketch in a capital city courtroom.
She had been charged in a string of arson related-incidents stemming from a period of over 12 years, all over the city close to major bus routes.
That's incredible.
I have been a Santa for over 40 years. I started in a mall and then donated my services for many children's programs. Currently I'm Santa for a large county deserving children's program in Indiana. A few years ago a child climbed up on my lap and said he didn't want anything. I was taken back by the comment. He said his mother there was not going to be Christmas that year due to the family's hot water heater had broke.
I told my wife that night about the sad young man. She talked to her boss and her boss said he'd buy the hot water heater and have his maintenance guys install it. I contacted the the lady who ran the program and she traced down the kid.
On Christmas Eve the maintenance guys showed up with a new hot water heater. They said Santa sent them. The family got a new hot water heater from Santa!
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We all have brands or companies that we might admire from afar (or at the very least via their website or catalog), but know we will likely never shop there ourselves.
For the simple reason that their products and merchandise are simply out of our price range.
As a result, we may find ourselves like Holly Golightly at Tiffany's while window shopping, but never actually making a purchase.
However, there are some brands that are so luxurious, that even catalog or window shopping is out of the question.
As they are not only luxurious but also exclusive, only a certain few even know of their existence.
Redditor Halyycon10 was curious to learn about any and all of the luxury brands that cater exclusively to the wealthiest people on earth, leading them to ask:
"What are the 'quiet' luxury brands that only the super rich know about?"
Allow Me To Take You Upstairs...
"An Italian friend arranged a visit to a Murano glass gallery."
"After the general public cleared out of the public showroom, the gallery's people took us up some stairs to the 'real deal' gallery with shelves full of breathtaking art pieces."
"We admired one vase on a shelf, but were told that it would never be offered for sale -- it was too important as part of the island's legacy & heritage."
"I think that the way we zeroed in on it somehow convinced them that we were top art dealers "'in stealth mode'."
"For the rest of the afternoon, we were treated like VIPs."
"What a day that was...."-- funhousefrankenstein
Uncharted Territory
"I work in the Luxury Travel industry."
"I know quite a few."
"Exclusive Resorts is an invite-only membership club for very high-end travel."
"They don’t post their prices online, but I know people that work there."
"They have personal cell phone numbers for people like Jeff Bezos, Waltons, and people that live at that stratospheric titan of industry level."
"Their cheapest membership package is $100,000 to join, and can run up to $250,000."
"That’s just the price to join the club."
"You have to pay for any travel you want to book on top of that."
"They have a $600M portfolio of properties they own throughout the world, that only their members have access to."
"Want to guarantee availability for a finish-line view villa in Monaco during the Grand Prix?"
"Want to get a ski-in cabin next to the Walton’s cabin in Aspen over Christmas?"
"Want a luxury penthouse in Paris during fashion week?"
"These are your guys."
"They cap their membership at 3,000 people, so you may have to wait for a long time until you can get in."
"Another interesting one: White Desert is your tour operator of choice if you want a private expedition with your buddies to the South Pole."
"Their packages can run $100,000+ per person for a private jet to their base camp on the Antarctica plateau and then another custom-build ski-plane transfer to their camp on the South Pole."- El_mochilero
GiphyNothing More Valuable Than A Good Night's Sleep...
"Duxiana."
"For people who can buy a mattress that costs as much as a car."- Hot-Dress-3369
A Perfect Fit...
"Tailors on Saville Row."
"Wealthy people get their clothes custom made."- mecyh
Nothing To Give It Away...
"I had a rich friend once tell me that Gucci is what poor people think rich people wear."
"Since then I noticed that all of her clothes fit perfect, but she never has logos on anything."- hoptownky
gucci GIFGiphyThese Boots Might NOT Be Made For Walking...
"John Lobb bootmaker in St James."
"Make beautiful handmade shoes for royalty, celebrities and rich types."
"They are well known but not a household name."- queenirv
Free For All...
"I used to be of the opinion that really wealthy people wore stuff that you wouldn't really notice, but disappointingly (having spent some time around folks with extreme wealth recently), the true answer is just: whatever the hell they like."
"If someone really liked branded gear before they were wealthy, you'd better believe they're going to be dressed like Ali G once they make it big."- AvaRCordero
Pay Up To Dress Down...
"Jeff Goldblum was on the Conan podcast and talked about where he got his jeans."
"It was from this hard-to-find shop in New York that not many people had heard of.
Come to find out, not surprisingly, their jeans are insanely expensive, and only the very rich could afford them." - Reddit
Jeans Pants GIF by Post MaloneGiphyFor All Your Million Dollar Needs...
"Buy a copy of The Robb Report magazine at a bookstore and marvel at the insane ads in the back for private jets, yacht brokers, military level trained personal protection Belgian Malinois guardian dogs, personal protection security firms staffed by former US Secret Service and retired Tier 1 operators only in their early 40s and fit with 20 years experience, and even crazier stuff."
"Pfft buying a $400 pair of jeans is pedestrian when you have Taylor Swift money and roll in 2 fully armored Escalades and are escorted on errands by a phalanx of guys in black polo shirts and jeans who have been places and done things in sandy countries that are still classified."- scots
Cruisin...
"Amels."
"They are one of the best super yacht manufacturers in the world with over 100 years of experience."- theassassintherapist
Before You Show Off That Logo...
"Almost all of the well known luxury brands have several lines. "
"The ones with logos all over them are typically the cheapest (I’m looking at you LV, Gucci) etc. which is why they’re so common."
"The same companies will have more exclusive lines that are much more expensive, usually more classic in style, and they’re not covered in logos, so you’d never know what brand they are unless you’re really into that kind of thing."
"For example, my wife wanted to buy me a nice wallet, so we went to the LV shop."
"I liked one that had no logo on the exterior of it, just simple grey leather, and it cost twice as much as the ones with 'LV' stamped all over them."- ToothbrushGames
Black Friday Christmas GIF by FOX TVGiphyPeople Go Nuts For Interior Design
"Zuber & Co."
"Crazy expensive wallpaper and room dividers/panels."
"I love old rococo and baroque things so happed to walk by their store in NYC."
"Stopped in due to the patterns and quickly realized I do in-fact NOT have thousands of dollars per ft for wallpaper."
"For example $5,000 - $30,000 per panel."- Reddit
It's About Time
"When I met my wife she worked selling high end watches."
"Talking about it on our first date I said ‘oh like Rolex and stuff?’"
"She said ‘Rolex customers are just new money, drug dealers and old men'."
"'If people contact us wanting one we just direct them to a watch shop'."
"Then rattled off a list of about 10 makers I’d never heard of which her international clients would fly here just to try on."
"I was wearing a Luminox at the time which I thought was pretty badass but all of a sudden I felt like a kid running around with that gadget from Ben 10."- StrangledByTheAux
As the saying goes, "if you have to ask, you can't afford it!"
Though it must be said, there is also absolutely NOTHING wrong with shopping for watches at a watch shop.
The human body is an amazing thing.
It is capable of far more than we ever thought possible.
When studying anatomy we really should start doing a deeper dive into all the parts of the body.
Each organ and limb has a story and function that we never really learn about.
Redditor NorthPengyyy wanted to discuss... the penis, so they asked:
"What are some fun facts about the penis?"
Don't Die
"Fun fact - the erection happens when blood enters the penis, the main "structure" of the penis hardens and expands (obviously), but by doing so it presses the Veins and blocks them. Meaning - the blood comes but doesn't go out of the organ, thus keeping it erect for too long. This is why erections over 6 hours are dangerous because the blood blockage is for too long of a time and the penis can die due to lack of oxygen. I hope it was interesting."
SoapBubble3
Outaries
"The seam on your testicle sack is where your proto vagina sealed up while you were in the womb."
melonsquared
"So testicles are just ovaries that are outaries?"
datazulu
"Literally yes. They all start as gonads in your abdomen. Girls’ gonads stay and turn into ovaries. Boy’s gonads descend and become testes. It’s why, when you take a hit to the balls, it hurts all the way back up in your stomach and can make you nauseated. Boys still have innervated back up to where the gonads first developed."
SpartySoup
SNAP!
Schitts Creek Pain GIF by CBCGiphy"It can break like a glow stick if it slips out while a girl is on top and slams back down on it."
Artistic_Marzipan221
De-boned
"Most animals have a 'penis bone' which allows for instant erections, however, humans do not have this bone. The cause is thought to be because without the bone, courtship, arousal, and mating is a longer affair therefore leading to increased intimacy and pair bonding. The penis is literally made for love."
nailbunny2000
Prehensile
Nat Geo Adventure GIF by National Geographic ChannelGiphy"An elephant's penis is prehensile, like its trunk. It can be used to pick up objects."
Sea-Woodpecker-610
How come only elephants were granted this gift?
Frozen
Polar Bears GIF by Nature on PBSGiphy"Being stressed out, exhausted, and cold makes it smaller. So the smallest penis in the world should belong to a man being chased by a polar bear in the Arctic."
Electrical_Age_336
Wait, what?
"I remember watching a weird YouTube documentary about a spider (in Australia of course) whose bite gives you a forever erection."
JMthought
It Just happens
"Just because it's erect DOES NOT mean the person is horny/aroused."
Spartan0536
"I recently learned that clenching other muscles is a good way to get rid of an erection. The bigger the muscle, the better, so clenching your butt is a good way to go. Apparently, it’s because it causes more blood to go to the clenched muscle. More blood to the muscle = less blood to the penis."
phatcat9000
"I'm quite anxious all the time. When I'm just chilling with nothing else to do, I reach a point of relaxation and I get erections, I'm not aroused or anything, I'm just chilling and it seems that my body approves of my time off I guess."
chifrijoconbirra
Be Smart
"There is a ligament at the base of the penis that causes the penis to rise when it becomes erect. This is what causes a bulge etc."
"Some people have stupidly made the decision to have this ligament cut. This is because it adds a few inches of length to the erect penis. However, it will just hang down. Do. Not. Do. This. It is a stupid thing to do."
phatcat9000
Data Entry
information GIFGiphy"A single sperm contains 37.5 MB of DNA information. One ejaculation represents roughly a data transfer of 15,875 GB equivalent to the combined capacity of 62 MacBook Pro laptops."
Nijinsky_84
Well, the penis is far more interesting than we thought.
Isn't it?
Do you have any interesting tidbits to add? Let us know in the comments.
