Marriage takes WORK. If both parties aren't willing to put in the effort things get bad pretty fast. The fairytale lie we've been fed of happily ever after has made it difficult for people to grasp what real long-term relationships look like. News flash: it gets messy!
When Redditor CrisP_bacon asked the question “Long term (10+ years) married couples of reddit, Whats was the worst low you've had and why didnt you leave?" the online marriage veterans were glad to share their struggles, and their triumphs.
“I left the Mormon church.”
“I left the Mormon church.”
“For Mormons that frequently means divorce. Temple marriage and the priesthood are a big deal and she assumed that if I was leaving the church it meant I was leaving her too. It was incredibly stressful.”
“I had been pretending to believe since we got married and I figured finally telling her all my feelings would actually make her leave me, after all, no more eternal marriage, broken covenants, "inactive" father to our children, how would she be treated by neighbors/family/other members, etc.”
“I was working two poor jobs at the time and in college. We were barely scraping by even with a good deal on our rent, I was always stressed, and often gone. Our families weren't supportive about my decision. Our neighbors judged. My wife was judged and pitied on every Sunday she went alone.”
“I didn't leave her and I never planned to. She didn't leave me. My wife respected my choices, supported me, and ultimately she ended up leaving too, a few years ago now. I was at the lowest point I had ever been in my life due to the church and leaving it was the best thing I ever did for myself.”
“It will be fourteen years married and sixteen years together this year. We're happy, we're doing well, and our children are thriving.” victorioushack
translate joseph smith GIF by South Park GiphyThey came out as a conspiracy nut, yikes!
“This week. Finding out my wife of 22 years is an anti vaxxer. Her family is religious and there has always been quirks, but she has gone down a full nutcase rabbit hole, fueled by her idiot mother.”
“Sounds like just one thing, but I'm having a hard time imagining getting over it. We've got kids and she's choosing conspiracies over protecting herself for their sake.”
“Edit - why didn't I leave? This is happening in real time. We've got 3 lovely kids and a pretty good thing going. I hope it doesn't end here.”
“Edit - there were clues in the past but I didn't know (not sure she did either) that she was an anti-science, anti-vaxxer until recently. She and her mom share false YouTube videos of "evidence" and wind each other up.” notmyrealnam3
Burnie Burns Conspiracy GIF by Rooster TeethGiphy“I was about to destroy my marriage with their mother for a piece of a**.”
“My wife and I were going through a real funk. We were stressed out, and not getting along very well. Money was a big issue. Things were down to almost nothing in the bedroom. I was just sick of the relationship.”
“And then out of the f*cking blue an old high school crush PMs me on Facebook. We get chatting... we start getting really flirty... a week goes by, and we're talking dirty and planning to meet.”
“On the day we were supposed to hook up - literally hours before our rendezvous- Unsteady by X Ambassadors comes into the radio and I suddenly can't stop thinking about the kids, and how I grew up with no dad in the picture.”
“I felt so stupid and selfish. I was about to destroy my marriage with their mother for a piece of a**. I called it off, went home and asked my wife to sit down. I told her everything.”
“She was upset of course, but we began talking about our problems and they got a lot better. Now we're doing amazing, and I'm so glad I didn't f*ck up. Every time I hear that song I'm reminded of it.” Kajiit_hairball
People Explain The Worst Thing That's Ever Happened To Them On Their Birthday
Poverty is a huge stressor...
“21 years this July. I think it's a mix of good times and bad times. Honestly, the worst moments have been when money's been scarce. That brings he worst out of people. We actually separated once about 9 years ago, we were arguing non-stop and my wife ended up feeling trapped and decided to move out with our youngest.”
“We got over it by working on ourselves and rekindling our relationship, took several months to fix it. On my side, sometimes I too feel trapped for some reasons, like pulling too much weight at home, being the one taking care of more stuff than her, but in the end it's just stupid things.”
“If I left I don't think I'd ever get what I have now. A marriage is not roses always, it takes a lot of effort, compromising, respect, and communication. And lots of sex, not joking.”demoniodoj0
“Grabbed his cup of chips out of his hand and dumped them on the floor at his feet...”
“We're coming up on 10 years and have had only a handful of arguments and verbal fights throughout our marriage, but the most prominent one happened right after he pinned on captain rank (O-3) in the Air Force.”
“When he was an O-1 and O-2, he had been sh!t on quite a bit by higher-ranked officers in his unit, so he himself began to adopt that power-trip attitude as soon as he was promoted. I personally despise that kind of ego especially in a partner, and the more I witnessed him treating other people rudely for no reason, the angrier I got.”
“It came to a head when we were at one of the casinos in Vegas, and he started talking down to and belittling a cashier when she tried to explain why he couldn't cash in his chips at that particular window. I was so appalled and infuriated by his behavior that I snapped right there.”
“Grabbed his cup of chips out of his hand and dumped them on the floor at his feet, snarling that he'd better pick them up to pay for a divorce lawyer because I was done with his sh*t. We had never, ever mentioned divorce before, and it was a bit of a taboo word for him because he was still traumatized by his parents' messy divorce right before we'd gotten married.”
“So for me to bark it at him in public, which is so out of character for me because I never like to make a scene, was the wakeup call he needed.”
“He was stunned and speechless. After a few awkward seconds, I muttered an apology to the cashier and headed back to our hotel room upstairs. It took another few minutes for him to follow me after retrieving all his chips, and by then we were both extremely upset with each other.”
“Many furious words were exchanged--he couldn't believe I would even bring up divorce and I couldn't believe he didn't realize what an ahole he had become--which ended in both of us in tears. It took another few hours, but we managed to talk through the issue. He promised to check himself and take a step back to reflect on the influence his workplace had on him.”
“That was six years ago. He is now an O-4 and the one that all the junior service members in his squadron elect to go to when they need advice or someone to confide in about work. He has gone out of his way to mentor several airmen who asked for his help in preparing for various programs and schools.”
“Every time I attend a squadron function, I see how well-liked he is by his colleagues. I'm proud and relieved that he reverted to being his regular kind self. Now whenever he has an ahat commander rotate into his group's chain of command, I quietly point out that that could have been him if he had continued along the path of douchebaggery, and it makes him shudder.” OrifielM
Some people need to mind their business...
“Is 9 close enough? Was about a year in, and I ended up taking off for a hotel for a few nights. Why? Because I had my toxic, abusive parents and their cronies constantly calling me and telling me how awful my wife was.”
“They'd tell me how she was sick in the head and keeping me from them (I'd cut them off) and that she was abusing me. It got in my head and she suggested I take a few days away, without my phone, to calm down.”
“I made it til 4am that night, realized my parents were terrible people and my wife was wonderfully supportive of me. Called her and went home immediately. Been going great ever since.” tempthethrowaway
“I'm ashamed now...”
“Married 24 years now. Fifteen years ago, my depression got bad. Usually it manifests as dark humor and swearing; that time, it was fury, frustration and vicious emotional aggression.”
“My wife put up with it for a year. I remember my then-young son asking, "are you angry again?" with such a sadness that it tore at my heart (and reinforced to me that I was worthless, not helping the depression).”
“I was never physically abusive, but I'm ashamed now at the brutal pleasure I felt when she cried. Finally, finally, I listened to my wife and talked to my doctor. They eventually got my meds right, or anyway close enough that I was back in my right mind.”
“We stayed together because my wife is stronger than you would believe, and she knew that her real husband was hidden under all that cruelty. She kept us together. I've been grateful ever since.I'm blessed beyond anything I could deserve. Nowadays, I think that I treat her as she should be treated, like a treasure.”
“I wrote this in part so that people in a depression can see how very, very dark it can get. I was controlled by it. I was d*mned near possessed by it. If you get taken by depression, think of this and get help way sooner than I did.” Vox_Popsicle
Not the dog!
“11 years married. Worst low was he was being a complete AH (Screaming at 8 y/o) to one of my younger kids and when daughter (18) stood up to him he tried to sell her dog as punishment. Didn't leave him because I recognized a PTSD episode and got him help. I think it's important to recognize why a behavior is happening. “
“This was NOT his normal behavior. He's former police officer and this was when he had to walk away from a career he loved. It was HARD, but he was willing to accept help and has stayed in therapy for 2 years now."Suspicious_Sassafras
Mental health can be serious.
“Been together since high school (in our 40's now). Our lowest time was after our kid was born. The company I worked for was closing down. I was applying for jobs like crazy and he just didn't.”
“We ended up moving in with my parent for about half a year. He got a job and was fired 2 weeks later. I got a job but had to commute 4+hours each day. I did all of the night wakings with our baby.”
“There were times I was sleeping in 45 min chunks and then waking up at 5 am to get to work by 9 am, leaving work, driving home 2-3 hours in bad traffic, dealing with a super clingy baby, eat dinner go to bed, rinse and repeat. I did this for 3 months before we found a place to rent near my job.”
“We moved, he got a job, was fired 6 months later. Got another job, fired. We had to move out of our nice apartment into a crappy 1 bedroom apartment that was falling apart due to finances.”
“All this time I was doing all the daycare pick ups and drop off, working 40+ hours and doing all the baby care. I even did this when he didn't have a job because I didn't want to lose our spot in daycare. He didn't clean, didn't cook, didn't interact with our kid when I was home. He was always in a bad mood. I got medicated and my depression got slightly better.”
Things did get better with some help...
“He got another job, almost got fired, got a slightly better paying job, got fired, was unemployed for a long time, got another job, got fired. I stayed because I had such bad PPD and anxiety that I could only react. After he got fired the last time I was going to get a divorce. I was done. He was then diagnosed with bipolar.”
“It's been a year and a half since the diagnosis. He is now medicated and did therapy. We are in a much better place. He got a job but the pandemic closed his location. He has completed stepped up and changed.”
“He handles all schooling for our child, cooks dinner, cleans. I make enough now that we can get by on one income until the pandemic ends. We are friends again and I now like spending time with him. We are still healing from the years of crap but we are in it for the long haul.” darksideoftheday
An emotional affair.
“l caught my wife in an emotional affair that likely, would have turned physical but I'll never really know. I was going through a weird depression and had been pretty physically and emotionally distant for about a year so it's not exactly shocking that she developed feelings for another person but it still completely crushed my world and my stomach still gets in knots sometimes randomly 2 years later.”
“Any time I've mentioned this on Reddit though I get a bunch of comments telling me I should have left her and she will do it again, and it's just not worth it. For the record, we're doing great now and oddly enough the entire awful experience and very nearly ending our marriage made our marriage stronger and I trust her that she'd never want to hurt me like that again and I'm determined to never make her feel lonely or ever allow that kind of space for another person again.” BigBicNic
“I caught him googling divorce statistics and how to get a divorce.”
“Married almost 14 years. Having babies was not good for our relationship. We had three kids in quick succession. My hormones were out of whack for about five years, and he wasn't great dealing with small kids. There were times when I was counting down the days until I could go back to work and save enough money to leave, and I caught him googling divorce statistics and how to get a divorce.”
“We worked through it. Even on our worst days, even when I wanted out, I just kept thinking how much I'd rather have him in my life than out of it. I don't know why he decided to stay.”
“And even though 2020 was rough financially (he was laid off twice and I wasn't working much), it actually seemed to bring us closer. I'm so glad that we stuck it out. Things are never going to be perfect, but I'm very grateful to have him.“ Bay-Area-Tanners
Sometimes all you can do is cry over a beer.
“Just over the 10 year mark. Our worst period came just after the birth of our daughter. She was born with duplexed kidnies and urethra. That's quite common, but she had the worst of it, and for the first three years of her life was in hospital for at least two years; constant UTIs, countless bouts of sepsis, and few critical care stays, four bouts of major surgery, including serious heart problems caused by that."
“Me and my wife were like chalk and cheese during those years. I had my head buried in the sand and put all my eggs in the doctor basket. My wife had that same faith, but read up on absolutely everything."
“As she was living in hospital with our daughter, I was at home with our son. It was a very odd time, where we were like ships in the night. We were both depressed and struggling to cope. You don't see it at the time, as you just take each day as it comes... But when you stop and look back at what you've been through, it can be overbearing to put it all into context."
"Had many a full on breakdown whilst out with my best friend having a beer during that time. That entire period was a strain on the two of us. I think it's fair to say there were quite long periods where we absolutely hated each other."
"There were points I know she had contacted divorce lawyers, and at least a month where we officially separated. We're over that period now, and whilst my daughter is still on medication, she's not had any serious complications in several years now, so all is good."
"It was one hell of a storm though." hellsmk2
Abusive employers are still all too common.
“Sorry, this got long! But I guess the story of a good relationship is rarely short ¯_(ツ)_/¯ Been together almost 12 years. About 3 years ago we were going through a terrible time. We had just finished college, his parents coerced him into turning down a good job offer in his field to help run their business.”
“They gave him some pretty lofty promises.Instead, his father drove the business into the ground and spent the family into astronomical debt before drinking himself into an early grave. Because he lied on his insurance forms about his health, the family got nothing. Despite his many flaws he'd been more like a father to me instead of a father in law, and it was devastating.”
“I was working absolute garbage, grunt jobs, getting paid minimum wage. I was trying to get a few years experience in my field in order to work my way into a better place, but it just wasn't enough money. I barely made enough to cover my own bills, putting a lot of financial strain on my husband.”
“Eventually I had a mental breakdown and had to completely quit because my job was so abusive I couldn't take it anymore. I went on unemployment, which paid less than I was already making. A lot of other things were going on during this time, but the bottom line was I felt unsupported emotionally, and very bullied by him. He felt that I was not being an equal partner to him, that I was living like a teenager in our home while he was the parent who had to take care of everything.“
“I honestly stayed for reasons that are not healthy.”
“I wasn't trying to pull my weight because I was severely depressed and hurting. It seemed no one in my life cared about the terrible things that had happened to me at my former work place, and I just felt abused all over again by everyone around me. No one even asked me if I was ok, not even my husband."
“I felt like no one cared about me at all. He didn't care what I was going through because he felt the weight of the world on his shoulders, he couldn't take on any more. It took a lot of fights, a lot of listening, swallowing of hard pills and apologies from both of us. Also, healing and growing aren't linear."
“Even after acknowledging our hurts and faults, we both relapsed into our toxic behaviours several times over the past couple of years. Forgiveness isn't linear, either. Sometimes you really have to work at it, and point out to yourself the difference between holding a grudge and seeing a pattern."
"My husband worked his @ss off and not only got the family nearly out of debt in just a few years (we are talking in the hundreds of thousands here), he's got the family business positively blooming. I have done a lot of hard work of my own. I've kept the same job for years now, and I'm going back to school for something more profitable that I will enjoy."
"I've also been working on some side hustles that are going well. We have a beautiful, happy home, and we're both trying every day to be our best selves. Why did we stay together? TBH, from the outside looking in, I probably would have just told myself to leave."
"It wasn't working and there wasn't any sign that it would get better. I honestly stayed for reasons that are not healthy. Mostly because I felt like I couldn't leave, I'd been here and with him for too long. I hated the idea of him moving on with someone else, it fuelled my toxic feelings which kept me trapped."
"I don't know why he stayed, other than that he loves me and so remained hopeful that we could fix things. I guess we were both just lucky that underneath it all we are reasonable and kind people, so we were able to crawl out of the mess." poisonergranny
When tragedy struck...
“34 years married here. Our lowest point was when our 9 year old son was hit by a car. I went into a deep depression after his death and couldn't cope. It really brought out the worst in both of us. We handled it differently and really struggled to make sense of it all. It was a few really tough years but we stayed together and tried to work through it all.”
“My husband finally recognized my behaviours and lack of interest in anything, including the fact I left my job, as depression and found me professional help. It was a long road, but we made it through and grew closer after. When things go bad, you have to really fight to hold a marriage together, but it's worth it. Don't give up.” cardixa00
Needed some connection.
“16 years coming up soon. The darkest moment was probably the first year of marriage. New city away from her family and friends, stressful job, and I was working during the day and going to school at night for a masters degree.”
“She cried. A lot. But we made it and we have been forever grateful for the time we have together, knowing how awful it was when we couldn't be together.” billionthtimesacharm
GIF by AM to DMGiphy“It was a painful refresher class.”
“F married to M for over 25 years. When my son was 10 he got diagnosed with a brain condition. I became obsessed with taking care of him. Three years later he was diagnosed as stable and it was the first time I felt he wouldn't need surgery.”
“That's when I realized how neglectful I had been to my husband. He was kind. He still loved me. But he thought I didn't love him anymore.”
“We separated for a while, but everytime I brought up divorce he would say no. I wanted him to move back, but he would say to give him time. We didn't talk for about two months. And then he contacted me, begging for my forgiveness. We began to date again, eventually he moved back home.”
“I'm telling the facts, but the emotions were flying high. While apart, we would talk for hours on the phone. We became closer and got to know each other really well again. It was a painful refresher class. I hope we never take each other for granted again.“ aubor
Sometimes it’s the quiet moments.
“We have been married over 20 years and had a lot of stress and times when everything around us went wrong. But the lowest point was a time when there was nothing really wrong in our lives, but we grew apart, and each of us seemed to feel that the other person was the enemy. But we were able to work our way through it because I think we both knew it was the best option for us both.“ Ok_Huckleberry6820
Therapy should not be stigmatized, it helps.
“Married 9 but together 13 so I think this counts. Both of us had sh!tty childhoods and plenty of baggage left over from them -- but not the same exact baggage, so over time you start getting annoyed at the other person for not understanding your crap, because their crap-handling technique is different and you know they don't like how you handle yours."
“We eventually got into a nasty dysfunctional cycle where everyone feels misunderstood and no one feels taken care of, and no one feels safe to be themselves because 'being yourself' apparently sets off the other person, and it's really hard to break out of that when everyone feels angry and no one wants to stuff their feelings about it anymore, and so on."
"We started doing EFT couples work (emotionally focused therapy) during the pandemic -- online therapy is a lot easier to wedge into our schedules than in-person. We are working on hard stuff. I spend most Wednesdays feeling drained. It is 1000% worth the time, money, and effort."
"I was never actually considering leaving because I always knew I could throw the 'that's it, we need to do some actual couples work' card, and that that would probably improve things. I think any couple where the partners come from a tricky background will run into a patch like this and will need to do this kind of work. People like us, our default attachment mode does not lend itself to happiness by default. I am very happy that we are working on this sh*t." withbellson
Relationships take work, dedication, and self reflection from both parties. Hope these couples continue staying safe and in love.
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There are certain things men keep to themselves when it comes to life and dating.
And no one talks about the bro code much.
A recent Reddit thread gave us a chance to peek behind the curtain.
Redditor AMGBOI69420 wanted all the men out there to share some necessities, so they asked:
"What are some 'guy secrets' girls don't know about?"
Decisions.
Don't be afraid to make them.
Guys appreciate a decisive nature.
But don't be aggressive.
Thank You...
Episode 5 Thank You GIF by PBSGiphy"We will NEVER forget getting a compliment. I used the same conditioner until it went out of production because someone told me my hair felt soft and smelled nice."
LordSwitchblade
Good Morning
"Sometimes when it's up, it's not because we're horny. But don't let that stop you, Queen."
Spiceinvader1234
"I once had a guy tell me 'If a guy has a morning erection it doesn’t mean you turn him on, he was probably just having a sex dream about someone else.' Ever since then I NEVER try to initiate anything in the morning. Is that true?"
LoisLaneintheRain
"It‘s because the body tests any function while you sleep and most of the time that time you begin to wake up it tests the function to get an erection."
Gennerig_LP
Back Up...
"Nice try honey, I still won’t tell you where I keep my snacks."
XxLongoTxX
"Oh, I found them. Days before I was silently soaking in the glory of my private eye skills while we watched (XYZ) on Netflix, and relishing over the fact that the joys of your deceit will soon evaporate into the void during the exact moment you discover you’ve been left with only the lemon flavored ones."
TheOGPotatoPredator
And you are?
"Dudes can be friends for years and not know each other's real name."
theonetrueemanu
"I've lived in my house for 2 years. I chat with my neighbor just about every day when leaving for work. I didn't want to ask him his name so I looked up the property records to find out that information."
ku_chi_mun_chin
"I worked in a grocery store with a guy who went by his middle name. I went by a nickname completely unrelated to my name. We both found out we didn't know each other's real names until 2 years after we started working together."
Funkeysismychildhood
Breathe
Tuesday Morning Reaction GIF by The Secret Life Of PetsGiphy"That big sigh my wife just asked about while we’re watching the 10 o’clock news? Nothing profound, nothing bugging me, I just remembered to breathe."
Gudakesa
Breathing is everything. It can change every moment.
What Up?
houston rockets yo GIF by TwitterGiphy"We have an entire language around the headnod."
baka2k10
"It’s weirdly sophisticated too. You can actually tell how comfortable guys are around each other based on if they say hello with an up-nod or a down-nod."
Juxta_Lightborne
Fake it until...
"Sometimes, that male confidence that you find attractive is us totally faking it while shaking on the inside, insecure AF."
Ok_Technology390
"I just had this exact conversation with my husband the other day. I was telling him how he seems so confident and I would never guess that he's really nervous or that he's not sure of himself."
"I would've never dreamed he gets all nervous and all that good stuff still to this day with me. I don't feel like it's still sunk in completely bc I was so shocked at how nervous he was explaining he'd get at times lol so props to the guys who fake it til they make it. Keep on bc you're doing a good job 💯."
Exciting-Courage4148
Stay Calm
"We don’t want to tell you certain things are worrying us because we do not want you to worry also… now there are just two people worrying, whereas before, one was worrying, and the other was happy, which is a reminder to us not to worry so much."
Mundane_Tour_3215
"It's a bit different if the person you're telling can do something about the issue, but for something currently unsolvable there's no reason to extend the misery to anyone else."
Zncon
Just say it!
"Please for the love of God let us know if you’re into us. Don’t wait for us to tell you first because we won’t because we don’t want to be called creeps."
Wunderbolts
"My current partner and I used to flirt and talk through text all day, every day for months before I told our best friends. I was so into him, but unsure how he felt. My girlfriend was like: he’s usually just like that; he’s friendly with all of our other friends that are girls and would even ask me if I wanted to stream things with him when [her bf and his best friend] was at work."
"So I put that to rest. But then his friend helped a little bit by interfering and he was nonchalant about his feelings for me to him. When I got the green light I should just do it, I admitted my feelings for him. We’re close to celebrating a year in our LDR. We met in person for the first time a couple of months ago and he’s coming here soon. Best decision of my life to just say how I was feeling."
emeraldpotion
So many secrets.
So many truths.
Lesson? Try not to worry.
People Who Fulfilled Their Lifelong Dream But Hated The Experience Share What Happened
As kids, we all had big dreams and aspirations.
But sometimes as adults, when we start achieving those big dreams, we start to wonder why we dreamed about them in the first place.
Redditor buzzkill007 asked:
"Have you ever dreamed of doing something your whole life only to find out, once you did it, that you hated it?"
"What was it?"
A Former Performer
"I spent six years of my life in the choir, thinking I wanted to be an opera singer or perform in musicals."
"I got to my first year of college as a vocal performance major and realized I wasn't actually willing to learn most of what was required. I had never played an instrument or taken lessons on it before, so I was s**t at music theory. Then I had to take a piano class, which I was also s**t at, with three more years of those to expect in the future."
"I didn't have the same kind of flamboyant music kid personality as all my classmates, so I had a difficult time getting along with everyone, too."
"The only thing I had was a good voice but without any interest in anything other than actively singing. I finally realized that it wasn't the career path for me and that I didn't want to become famous or deal with the bulls**t that comes along with trying to get consistent work in that industry."
"I found that I enjoy singing most when my husband is having a difficult time, and I can help him fall asleep at night by just singing his favorite song. He's knocked out by the time I finish the first stanza usually. It makes me feel like I didn't waste all that time for nothing."
- KarlieNatasha
The Game Builder
"Video game development. There was way more math than I anticipated."
- catalystjoe
"I can here to say the same, video game development. It was my dream since I was very young. I spent all of college working towards it and worked an entry-level dev job and then a mid-level dev job to get prepared."
"Finally, the time came and I was hired by a game development company. My dream job! I lasted 18 months and I will never, ever consider doing it again."
"Game developers are not only worked to the bone and paid poorly (by software engineering standards), but they are also treated like college students working on a team project. No autonomy, no flexibility. Management was h**l-bent on butts being in seats exactly at start time, exactly 60-minute lunches or you are written up, work until 6:00 PM if you’re lucky and until 10:00 PM if you aren’t, but hey, they would spring for s**tty delivery food!"
"Everything about the job, I hated. And, the kicker, the main difference between the business apps I was building before and the games I was building during was the variable and function names."
"Unless you are very young or very VERY passionate about making games, DO NOT go into game development. If you want to build games, do it in your free time."
- hightrix
The Glamorous Pilot
"Being a pilot. I dreamed about it constantly as a kid. I finished all my ratings by the age of 20 and lasted four years on the job before I realized how shady the industry was (the charter industry back in the early 2000s)."
"I drive ships now."
- prominently_hidden
The Long-Awaited Name Change
"I changed my name. When the name change was accepted and I received the letter with my new name on it, I freaked out and changed it back the same day."
- sour-d
The Idllyic Psychiatrist
"I thought I'd be a practicing psychologist, but I had a very idealistic view of it. Like the patient lying on the couch, telling you about their life problems, then you telling them something and giving them a breakthrough. Mental illness cured!"
"I did complete my psych undergrad, and I loved the subject matter, but after doing my internship at Child and Family Services it was very clear to me that I wasn't cut out for clinical work. I certainly would have burned out, and barely made enough money to live as a case worker."
"I got my masters in HCI/UX and made my career in tech, which was a great decision. I have nothing but respect for the boots-on-the-ground social workers, but I'm gonna continue to read books about psychology instead of working in it."
- plasma_dan
Romantic Dream Come True
"I grew up watching romance movies and reading romance novels and always dreamed of a guy coming and sweeping me off my feet and then having hot sex with me."
"When I actually got into my first relationship with a guy, I realized I was gay."
- ukrainianironbelly92
Not Just Curing Cancer
"I dreamed of working in a lab. I wanted to help cure viruses and diseases. But it turned into monotonous days of pipetting, plating germs, and tediousness that was soul-sucking."
- deoxy75
The Aspiring Architect
"I wanted to be an architect so I became one. I quickly learned that the only people who actually get to be creative are the people who own the firm."
"The pay sucks and they grind through young architects but you require a very expensive degree and testing to get your license is expensive and difficult."
"It's very dependent on the economy and at the first sight of a downturn everyone gets laid off Slow to recover as well as construction sometimes lags."
"There are long terrible hours doing sh*t work to make some stupid design some partner thought up actually work in a technical sense for months on end only to have a client say it’s too expensive anyway and you end up with a square glass box."
"It's also very deadline driven like, 'we’re digging a hole on Monday so be done or we’re all fired,' so high stress for s**t pay."
- Lejanius
The Successful Tech
"I wanted to make it big in tech, like my mother did, who spurred my interest in tech as a child."
"Then I got into tech and understood my mother survived in tech because she was one of the megad**ks that make tech so toxic."
"I was the 'I'm here to get along and make money' kind of tech. She was the 'You can't take my promotion from me if I get you fired' kind of tech."
- Surprise_Corgi
The Joys of Pet Care
"I thought I would love being a dog groomer. I love dogs and working with my hands."
"What a load of s**t. Owners are a**holes, some dogs were a**holes, horrible bosses, unrealistic targets, and you get scratched, bitten, s**t on, and hair gets everywhere, even in your eyes. Unless you work for yourself, it’s a crap job, and maybe even then."
- posh_old_bird
Visiting Las Vegas
"Vegas was such a huge letdown for me. I grew up in Atlantic City and now live in the south and have been to Biloxi's casinos a lot... and I always heard about the majesty of Vegas... and the OUTSIDE of casinos were cool, but I guess the insides of casinos are all done by the same designers... The only difference with Vegas was everything cost more."
"And those guys flicking the cards to hand you porn cards like real-life pop-up ads when you're walking downtown..."
- UncleGrako
Veterinary Care
"Being a veterinarian. I never became a vet, but one of my first jobs in high school, having wanted to be a vet my whole life, was in a vet clinic. I was ecstatic."
"But vet clinics are depressing as f**k. Dogs and cats hit by cars coming into the clinic in horrendous pain. It always smells like s**t from fecal floats (checking for worms), pets that got put down but could have been saved if only their owners could have afforded it."
"There are always two freezers in the basement, one for dead dogs, and one for dead cats. They get hauled to the basement freezer in trash bags in case they release waste after they die. I couldn't take it after only a few months and left."
- Competitive-Ad-9662
The Chopping Block
"Being a Chef. I left high school in year 10 to get a certification in commercial cookery as I loved cooking and making dishes at home."
"I loved it for the first few months and then realized how draining it is. I do split shifts 9:00 AM to 2:30 PM, and then again from 5:00 PM to 9:00 PM, sometimes 9:30 PM. It's exhausting after doing it for four years. You lose your appetite completely."
"I recently had a knee injury and have been off for a few weeks, and it's really made my anxiety and depression calm down after not being torn to bits by chefs who have had 20 or more years of experience and 'know' everything."
"It's making me realize that I've made the wrong career choice."
- Acats3
Confessions of a Not-Shopaholic
"I know it sounds stupid, but mine was a shopping spree."
"My family never really had much money, so I could go out on a shopping spree with friends, and if I did go out with them, I was always the one left holding the bags or feeling left out."
"When I did manage to get a few things for myself on occasion, like if I had a birthday or Christmas money, it was always what others wanted me to wear and never anything for myself that I truly loved."
"I felt weird because I was always told girls are meant to love shopping, like my friends did, but I just hated it and chalked it up to not having much cash and being dragged about from store to store."
"I came into some money years ago and was able to have a shopping spree. I decided to go alone so I could buy what I wanted without others' influence, but I hated it still. I couldn't justify the prices I knew my friends usually would spend, and I felt so overwhelmed by everything."
"I also found that while being alone, I could be honest with myself, especially with nobody pushing me to buy their style, and I very quickly realized I was quite alternative and gothic, and none of the shops fit my style."
"I left overwhelmed, sad, and disappointed and realized I never felt off because I didn't have money or felt left out. I felt off because I really didn't like shopping or crowds, and I was not accepting my true style."
- HotTemperedGoose
'Never Work a Day in Your Life' ...Maybe.
"This whole thread is a good reason why you should never turn your hobby into a job."
- somethingweirder
"Don't ruin something you love. Do something you're good at, instead. And do what you love as a hobby."
- jprause
From the time we were kids, there were things that we always wanted to do.
But like anything else in life, some things are not going to be as great as we thought they would be.
Just like snowflakes, no two people's daily routines are exactly the same, because everyone has different things going on in their lives, as well as different things that are important to them.
For this reason, people who rise early in the morning also have all sorts of reasons for why they're racing the sun.
Redditor That_Late_Bloomer asked:
"People who wake up at 5am daily, why?"
To Avoid Traffic
"By 6:30 AM, there is already gridlock on the way to work. I go in early and get off early, beating the rush hour traffic both ways."
- Zoraji
The Four-Legged Alarm Clock
"My cat politely lays on my neck until I wake up…"
- Maddogtannenisbiff
The 9-to-5 Woes
"My job is an hour away, and I still need about an hour to cry in the shower."
- ClubPenguin
Unable to Sleep
"Do you think I’m doing this on purpose?"
- acres_at_ruin
"You and me both. It's either lying in bed angry because I can't sleep or just getting up. I usually choose to get up."
- ToledoJoe
Outdoor Activities
"On my days off, I get up between 5:00 and 6:00 AM, so I can skate as the sun rises and the heat isn't intolerable. It's a great way to center myself."
- KresblainTheMagician
More Candles, Earlier to Rise
"Age. As a teenager, I could sleep all weekend. From about 30, I never needed an alarm clock as I would always wake up before I needed to. At around 40, I started waking up around 6:30, and it gets earlier every year."
"I'm now almost 60 and am generally awake around 4:30 and up and running by 5:00 regardless of how late I go to bed."
"If this trend continues, I will be getting up before I've gone to bed. There are times, like weekends, when I wish I could sleep in, but overall, I enjoy being up early. Sunrise, coffee, and peace are nice."
- irrelevant1
Light Sleepers
"I’m a light sleeper and naturally wake up from light. Also, once I’m awake, it’s very difficult for me to fall back to sleep."
- Soliart
Quiet Time
"Can’t help it. I naturally wake up around then. I like it tbh, everyone else is mostly asleep too so it’s a peaceful way to enjoy a coffee and wake up at your pace."
- Odd_Imagination_6617
"This is so true. Early morning is really the best time of day, most people aren't up and about then. The night people have gone to bed, and the day people haven't woken up yet. Perfect."
- Jenglasser
"Upvote for quiet. Even if others are up, most don't need to talk much. Traffic is calmer. Even the weather takes a break in the early hours (mostly)."
"Smoothness of the early morning."
- _a_verb
Workout: Complete
"Workout before work."
- Medical-Bowl5643
"Yep, a 5:30 workout class before the day starts is the only way I seem to be able to tackle exercise, work, and kids successfully in one day."
"Having kids is fun, but I love being a mom and have a great partner. It’s just getting everything done while having kids that’s hard. What once was a two-step process to leave the house is now 42 steps and someone’s randomly crying."
- bootyquack88
Getting Ready for School
"K I D S."
- bradedgenz
"I'm legitimately surprised how far down I had to scroll for this."
"My kids actually sleep in pretty late, but on school days, sometimes I wake up at 5:30 so I can get the house to myself before I need to wake them up."
- TheInklingsPen
To Watch the Sunrise
"The way I brew my coffee and make a morning smoothie takes a bit of time, and I like to watch the sun rise."
- HornDogglerHorbo
Increased Efficiency
"I get up at 5:30. I can have most of my day done by 8:00 AM when normal people get up, meaning I can get things done a lot quicker since nobody else is about to interrupt or distract."
"On days off, I do the same. The gym is dead, Starbucks is dead, and I can have all my housework, etc., done by 8:00 AM when I have breakfast and then the day is mine to do whatever I want."
"I put endless stock in peace, everything is peaceful at 6:00 AM nothing is peaceful at 9:30."
- Solicitor_99
In the Job Description
"I’m a barista. I make other people coffee before I can have coffee."
- jbmaun
Me Time First
"I, like many people, typically have to be at work around 8:00 AM. If I wake up at 5:00 AM, I'm able to give MYSELF time before I give it to my employer."
"Before I even step out the door to go to work, I have time to read, make a nice breakfast, exercise, and maybe work on a personal project for a bit. It honestly just puts me in a better mood going into the day."
- MeTac
Listening to Their Circadian Rhythm
"For whatever reason, it’s easier for me to wake up REALLY early in the morning (3:00 AM to 6:00 AM) than later on in the morning."
"If I wake up at 5:00 AM, I have time to catch my breath and move slowly into the day, and I generally am buzzing with energy by 6:00 AM. If I wake up at 7:00 AM, especially in the summer when it’s already light out, I feel behind, stressed, etc., and that just makes me lay in bed longer."
"Knowing this, about three years ago, I started working at a bakery where shifts start at 4:00 and 5:30 AM. It’s always funny to me how some of my coworkers, while present and doing their jobs, clearly aren’t fully awake until 8:00 or 9:00 AM, whereas I on the other hand am talking a mile a minute the second I get in the door and I haven’t even had coffee yet."
"It’s also funny because even as a really little kid, I had a reputation of being able to sleep forever. I slept until 2:00 PM as a teenager most weekends if my parents didn’t notice. I think my internal rhythm is just off, but waking up super early is the only thing between me getting up and living my life and languishing depressed in bed all day."
- squishhsquashh
While some people may absolutely despise rising early in the morning, others greatly value their time before the sun rises, or they feel like there's no other choice.
Either way, this is a great reminder that everyone's day looks different, based on what they've got going on in their lives, as well as what they value most.
When we feel we have been wronged by someone, we tend to think the worst of them.
Irredeemable.
Evil, even.
But the concept of what is evil depends on the individual and their level of tolerance.
So what is pure evil then?
It's not always about demons. Because the truth is, humans are capable of doing some of the worst things imaginable.
Curious to hear about strangers' experiences with sinister forces around us, Redditor ThatOneDude44444 asked:
"Who do you believe is literally evil?"
Those who prey on the weak and vulnerable are some of the worst kinds of people out there.
The Scammer
"I knew a guy who retired from an investment firm before he was 40. I inquired if I could get a job at the firm. He told me 'if you can look a woman in the eyes, who’s scrubbed floors all her life, and tell her that you can quadruple her life savings by investing in a stock you know is worthless. Then you could work there' I felt sleazy just listening to him. I lost all respect for him. He preyed on poor desperate people, and ruined their lives, so he could retire in his 30s. I found out from a friend that the investment firm was a boiler room fly-by-night scam. Everyone who worked there was taken out in handcuffs."
– GoddamnCabbage
Manipulative System
"Health insurance denying treatments that your doctors have personally recommended."
"Health insurance companies insisting that you try other treatments first, or insisting that you work with in-network doctors who can't be seen for 6-8 months, intentionally delaying your proper treatment. It's f'king murder as far as I'm concerned."
"I could keep listing ways that the health insurance industry is pure evil."
– rachelsnipples
Where Is The Care In Medicare?
"My mother was just diagnosed with a very serious condition that if not treated will make her go blind, her insurance is refusing to pay for her treatment. She’s 73 and will now owe 1500 usd each month so that she doesn’t go blind despite having Medicare. This is our system."
– MamaFuku1
And there are those who are the devil incarnate.
The Moors Murders
"Ian Brady and Myra Hindley. The tape recording of one of their young victims crying for her mum while being tortured is awful. They refused to say where they buried Keith Bennett and that boy's poor mum died without knowing where he was. I hope they are forever being tortured in Hell."
– joacaster
The Torture Mother
"Gertrude Baniszewski, the 'caregiver' of Sylvia Likens. Her story still gives me chills."
– gingeritis90
"I barely made it through that story it was so, so horrendous. And our f'king legal system did barely anything to the heinous b*tch Gertrude and her evil daughter."
– astrongerpeyote
The fact that an individual can be solely responsible for a major national crisis is unthinkable.
But here we are, and several people came forward to share their stories.
Origin Of The Opioid Crisis
"Richard Sackler specifically would be the more correct answer in my opinion. The rest of them are greedy and borderline sociopathic sure, but I think few of them truly understood the ramifications of what Richard was orchestrating. Richard intentionally orchestrated the opioid epidemic and he knew exactly what he was doing and what the outcome would be. He banked the future of his company on creating a legion of opiate addicts that had no idea they were becoming opiate addicts. That is evil."
– aveganrepairs
Victim Speaks Out
"I am a victim of this f'ker. Slipped a disk and was prescribed Oxycontin 2 40mgs a day. Within 6 months I was upped to 80mgs 3 times a day. That's the equivalent of 48 5mg percocet. I'm still struggling and this happened in the late 90s."
– bucklebee1
Time For Commiserating
"I’m so sorry to hear that that happened to you and that the effects are lingering 3ish decades later; that’s a significant period of time/portion of your life."
"I would like to also let you know that I am victim of this f'ker/family, but in the opposite way. I have had 2 discs in my neck collapse, I have had 2 spinal surgeries, I am in intractable pain. And all I can get is Rx ibuprofen or aleve or other NSAIDs that don’t touch the pain and can cause kidney and liver damage at the dosages I’m being prescribed. I’ve gotten to try every treatment EXCEPT opiates: surgeries, injections, lidocaine patches, antidepressants, nerve medication, massage, yoga, acupuncture, physical therapy, prolotherapy, and plasma rich protein treatment. The one time I asked for low dose opiates (like a single 5 mg Percocet as needed - not 48 daily), I was discharged from the pain management practice immediately for 'drug seeking'. And they’re the biggest practice in my state."
"Further, in the intervening time between my 2 surgeries (before I knew I needed the second surgery as my second disc had collapsed), I presented to the ER in intractable pain with physiological indicators like elevated heart rate and blood pressure. Not only was I not given any pain medication at all (not even toradol, an NSAID), I was also urine drug tested and told that even though I had no drugs in my system that I 'didn’t deserve' any medication and was wasting their time when they could be saving someone else’s life."
"We are BOTH victims of the Sackler family and the opiate prescription practices that led to what’s being called the 'opiate epidemic'. I am not trying to invalidate your experience (and I hope that comes through). I am just trying to show people reading these comments my side of the coin too. I see you u/bucklebee1. And I validate you. And I send you nothing but the best."
– caboozaliciousAnyone who is capable of taking another life without even a hint of remorse doesn't deserve the title of being human.
They are purely evil.
And what's terrifying is that we don't really know the capabilities of most people until they snap.