Lawyers Share The Most Laughable 'I'm Not A Lawyer, But…" Claims They've Ever Heard
Just because one may know every episode of Law & Order: SVU, or is a Dateline NBC aficionado, doesn't mean one should think they know anything about the law.
And it certainly doesn't mean one should represent themselves in court.
Redditor bigfoot1291 wanted to hear from the "sort of" legal eagles out there by asking:
"Lawyers of reddit, what's the most laughable 'I am not a lawyer, but...' claim you've ever read?"
As a lawyer I love seeing all of the Facebook posts telling Facebook what they do and do not consent to. It's the online equivalent of Michael Scott "declaring" bankruptcy.thekickassduke
You need help Sir.
This wasn't online, but a guy was representing himself pro se against a client of the legal clinic i worked at at the time.
She had a semi-public job doing promotion for a local pro sports team. Some dude did a brief fan interview with her at a game, and that lone interaction sparked a 5 year stalking saga (during which she got married and had kids with someone else) that culminated in the stalker making the following claim:
he wanted a paternity test for her children, because he was convinced she had paid someone to follow him, find out when he masturbates, break into his home, steal his semen, and deliver it back to her. apparently she had then impregnated herself with his kleenex semen and her two small children were actually his. i've never seen a judge looked as shocked, or as tired, as i did on the day that motion for paternity was denied. mutherofdoggos
I Rebuke You!
When I was a judicial intern I saw an arraignment where the defendant claimed the court had no power over her, because she was a sovereign citizen who did not recognize the federal or state governments.
Later learned that her sole source of income was Social Security.BAM521
Guilty & Stupid!
I once saw a defendant argue for a not guilty verdict because there was no "Mr or Mrs commonwealth" who testified.
Obviously the charges were commonwealth v defendant. He doesn't understand that. He was found guilty. The judge did not appreciate that.Super_C_Complex
I've found that Redditors are absolutely obsessed with correcting each other with the idea that assault and battery are often confused, and that assault only ever means to put someone in fear of imminent harm. To the point where if I even point out that that is only true some times, in some places, I will be downvoted. Roughly a third of States define assault as some version of "purposely, knowingly or recklessly causes bodily injury to another." DoctorBaby
We're the Commons.
I'm a lawyer in the U.S. and for some reason people are obsessed with common law marriage. I see people on Reddit and even hear them IRL warning other people about how "You've lived with her for more than X years, you're common law married so you have to take that into account!" or "Well, we've been living in the same apartment together for X years, so we're common law married now."
Common law marriage is only a thing that can be done in a small handful of U.S. states now, and there are requirements to it. You have to hold yourself out as being married, live together, present yourselves to the world as being married, etc. You're not going to wake up one day and accidentally be "common law married."
ETA: Guys, I never claimed to be talking about the law in Canada or Australia. I'm aware that it's different in those places.SaltySolicitor
I Guess we'll see....
I had a non-lawyer try to tell me that testimony was not reliable evidence and that a judge could not rely upon it in making a factual determination. This was in the context of a small claims case I was helping my client prepare for. It was my client's word against the opposing party's, plus some photographs he was planning on introducing. I told the opposing party that "I'll guess we'll see what the judge does...." Spoiler: the judge found my client's testimony much more compelling and ruled in his favor. FRE802
Confused? Us too.
Nearly every time patents come up on reddit, people say something very wrong. Most commonly confusing patents, trademarks, and copyrights. But reddit is very anti-patent in general, so people hate on them for all sorts of misinformed reasons. Even most lawyers know very little about patent law because it is very niche and not a topic on any state bar that I'm aware of.
Also, saw a sovereign citizen represent themselves in a tax evasion case where they tried arguing something about the government only being able to tax his corporate self and no his personal self, so he had no obligation to pay taxes? I had a hard time following his arguments because it was so non-sensical.CougarOnAComet
My favorite is "if you ask an undercover officer if he is a police officer he can't legally lie to you."
Yes. Yes he can.
Had an undercover in on a deposition once and he had been wearing a wire for part of the investigation. He was asked if he was undercover by a codefendant and his response was :
"Yea, obviously, I'm here buying drugs from you guys cause I'm an undercover police officer. I have a wire hidden under my beard and everything you moron." He said it with such immense sarcasm they didn't think twice about it and sold him a trafficking amount.cawlaw84
Copyright infringement. "All you have to do is change three things."
That's called a derivative work. Still copyright infringement. What you actually have to do is not copy.sam_l_clemens
My favorite: "the judge cannot determine this matter because he is a member of the freemasons, and the freemasons do not believe in the concept of private property." This case ended with the non lawyer accusing everyone of being a freemason.
The same non lawyer also ran an appeal in that case based on the fact that the judge was not a real judge, because the judge had not taken his oath of office. The non lawyer had dug up a transcript of the judge's swearing in ceremony which read judge Smith takes oath of office, when the judge took his oath, instead of the actual words of the oath.
The non lawyer referred to outdated and repealed laws from 1730, which said all oaths had to be transcribed word for word, as a basis for the fact that the judge was not a real judge.
If his interpretation was correct, I think no current judge in Australia is a 'real judge.' thatdogoninstagram
My answer is actually basically all of the "I am not a lawyer, but..." claims.
The funny thing about being a lawyer is that the answer is almost always "it depends." Sure, the laws generally stay the same but the outcomes are so contingent upon the facts that you can never know with certainty how something will turn out. Thus, my answer for 90+% of my clients is it depends on (who the judge is, who shows up to testify, what the witnesses say, what theme opposing counsel goes with, etc...).
More importantly, we are not allowed to guarantee results and for good reason - the simple fact of the matter is judges, juries, prosecutors, and opposing counsel can make different decisions based on identical facts and laws.
I think the only time "I am not a lawyer, but" would be appropriate is if someone is saying "I am not a lawyer, but you need to consult with an attorney." hostilecarrot
One of my clients was told by someone on the staff of the nursing home where her mother lives that if an Enduring Power of Attorney (basically a power of attorney made in contemplation of future mental incapacity that unlike most powers of attorney does not become invalid if the donor becomes incapacitated) is voided if the original staples that held the pages together are removed.
I can see a tiny grain of truth to this in that if the validity of the document was contested the fact that it had been taken apart and stapled together again might be some evidence to support that but there is no way that evidence alone would determine the issue.
And don't even get me started about people who use the term "hearsay" but don't know what it means. This has become an epidemic. Kenn1121
My favorite was on advice for home invasion. According to the poster, you could shoot to kill anyone who comes in uninvited.
Absolutely not the case, because self defense by definition requires "reasonable force." It's more lenient in some states and even more lenient in rural areas, but it's just irresponsible to spread this kind of misinformation. Reddit
The Sovereign Citizen.
The "sovereign citizen" stuff is my favorite. "The United States is a corporation and the law of the seas applies! Just look at the fringe on that flag! I do not consent to jurisdiction!"
Runner up is "you can't show me any law that requires me to pay federal income tax!" HeartsOfDarkness
I'm a recovering patent attorney who now works at a major research university doing work in autonomous vehicles, AI, and a number of other high-tech fields. The number of people who don't understand patents, particularly on reddit, is astounding.
And the number of people who comment as if they know what they are talking about is also unreal. I shouldn't be surprised by the comments alone because it's reddit, but I'm the number of upvotes that follow are mind boggling. I stop myself from submitting a response to those types of posts on a daily basis because it's just not worth my time.
Also, almost everything analyzing Mueller, Trump, impeachment, etc. on /r/politics, /r/news, or any other subreddit is almost always incomplete or incorrect on the law.workingonbeingbetter
It's just coffee....
My two favorites are when people talk about the McDonald's coffee case as an example of greedy plaintiffs taking advantage of the system or, conversely, when they say "X Company has an army of lawyers on staff to fight the case."Notsureifsirius
A tale from back in my public defender-ing days:
Sovereign citizens are a special kind of stupid. Percentage-wise, I don't know how many of them are true believers and how many think they've just found some clever loophole or another. At any rate, they were always the most interesting clients.
One of them was a young gent who decided to represent another buddy of his to spin his nonsense to the judge. Unfortunately, the fellow who would become my client was a regular defendant in that same courtroom—and everyone there knew he wasn't a lawyer.
When he was arrested—which is to say immediately—the judge was not swayed by his argument that he was "acting of counsel" rather than "practicing law without a license."
The operating a motor vehicle charge which would follow was only semi-related. Silentclock1
On a first appearance for a criminal matter, the defendant going pro se (representing himself). Note: he is not incarcerated and only has to check in with the court once per week over the phone on release.
I demand this case be dismissed pursuant to my fourteenth amendment right not to be deprived from liberty.
Judge: counselor, do you have a response?
Me: Without due process of law, which is why we're here for you to read Mr. Defendant his rights, Your Honor. WholeGrainMustard
You're a Dog.
"I'm not a lawyer but I'm fairly certain that I could frame a dog for murder." human_of_reddit
Oh I've framed animals before. I framed a raccoon for opening a Christmas present. And I framed a bear for eating out of the garbage. bfelification
I browse /r/PublicFreakout a lot and it never fails to make me laugh when people are being filmed throwing a tantrum and they start screaming about how it's illegal and they are going to call up their lawyer and sue them. Makes me think of this video from Wonder Shozen-eDgAR-
Zip Code Please....
In general people arguing for an hour before realizing they live in different countries. not-a-bear-in-a-wig
Guy claimed he could lawyer himself because he played Phoenix Wright ace attorney.cacmonkey
This is similar to an Arrested Development episode. Michael is convinced he can represent his family because he played a lawyer in a play in grade school so he reads up on maritime law. It didn't go well.Jarvicious
I Know it All.
Met someone who said they knew everything about the law and was studying to be a lawyer. Turns out she was temping as a paralegal for the better part of a week. kushasorous
Anything on /r/legaladvice. DO NOT GO THERE FOR ACTUAL LEGAL ADVICE. I go there to laugh because come on.
In real practice, though, we get those nutty Pro Per Plaintiffs suing for millions or billions because of some slight, or because the Gubment doesn't have jurisdiction over them as FREE MURICANS or because they're SOVEREIGN INDIVIDUALS. Coolest_Breezy
Count the Chords.
Am (legally but I quit) a corporate lawyer. Basically no one understands fair use and copyright. I keep seeing people analyzing songs and art and calling everything plagiarism and copyright infringement; I'm not talking songs, but stuff like chord progressions or character names. Just because something exists within a work doesn't make it the author's exclusive property.Vaaaaare
Separate Counsel Please....
I once had a person claim that within there was no such thing as the adversarial system and that we were just trying to inflame a contested divorce.
Should mention we live in a common law system and both parties had retained separate counsel.SweatCleansTheSuit
I work a lot in Real Estate law and I generally enjoy reading anything that comes up related to Landlord-Tenant laws. Generally speaking, Reddit loves to jump on the "illegal" and "don't pay" bandwagon. These are terrible pieces of advice.
I have seen plenty of people recommend solutions that would likely result in eviction. I usually hop in, politely inform the poster that laws vary from State to State and that OP should review local LL/Tenant laws.xemp1r3x
"For whatever reason, a lot of people do not understand that only the government, not private citizens or corporations, can violate your rights."
"The most obvious example is that Facebook, Twitter, etc. are well within their rights kicking Alex Jones off their platforms.
"A more complicated example involves the Fourth Amendment's search and seizure rules. The police are not allowed to unreasonably search you. There's nothing in the Constitution barring a private citizen from unreasonably searching you and handing over any evidence to the police, though." Bigcat95
"There seems to be a general misunderstanding that testimony is not evidence. For example, I see this a lot in rape cases. People will say the victim has no evidence; that it's just a he-said/she-said. What a witness says on the stand is evidence. It's just up to the trier of fact to decide whether it's credible evidence."marksy_momma
"Absolutely the best IANAL arguments I saw on Reddit came during the "Deflate Gate" scandal in the NFL. For those who do not know, Tom Brady, the superstar quarterback for the very successful New England Patriots, was found to have deflated footballs in violation of league rules. That's kind of a minor thing, but it was against one of the best players in the league's history, and Brady fought it like crazy. The issue resulted in litigation in the Southern District of New York and, later, the 2d Circuit Court of Appeals."
"Patriots fans vociferously defended Brady and, frankly, I would expect nothing less. But some of the legal arguments Patriots fans would make were astounding. It was some time ago, so I do not recall specifics, but it was as if every Patriots fan on Reddit suddenly got a law degree and had years of experience practicing law."
"What I do remember, though, was their fans would often re-hash the legal arguments Brady's (very talented) attorneys made in court filings as if they were gospel. But attorneys are paid to be persuasive -- everything we write seems compelling at first blush. But even if we write it authoritatively, it could certainly be wrong and lose. And that's ultimately what happened to Brady. Although, credit to his attorneys, he had some success at the trial court level, which was mind-boggling to me. The 2d Circuit corrected that." Guhonda
"If someone touches your car, it's technically assault and you're allowed to run them over in self defense." gritwoodser
"This random guy at the deli told me, "I'm not a lawyer but I know for a fact my baby mama ain't gonna get a dime of this child support money!" I asked him why he thought that and he said it was because she owed back taxes with the IRS and they were going to garnish the child support payments to pay it off. All I responded with was "wow that's new!" SmartyLox
"I'm in real estate, Over the last year or two I've seen a lot of people try to quote the law as if they are lawyers. No Karen, misinterpreting your lease contract and the law supporting it does not mean you get to do what ever you want. "Mitigate damages" is not a get out of jail free card."GeroVeritas
The law is no laughing matter, but many of these are hilarious!
Do you have similar experiences to share? Let us know in the comments below.
People Break Down How An Act Of Kindness Totally Backfired And Blew Up In Their Face
It's always wonderful to see people who do random acts of kindness for others, without expecting anything in return, and generally making the world a little bit better place.
But sometimes misunderstandings happen, especially among strangers or acquaintances, and sometimes our actions backfire, even if they came from the kindest of places.
Already cringing, Redditor UnorthadoxGenealogy asked:
"What's something you did out of the kindness of your heart only for it to backfire and blowup in your face?"
Past Job in IT
"I work IT. Naturally, people call you when their computer breaks."
"Of course, once you fix an issue, everything else that happens to that computer is somehow your fault."
"Replaced a laptop battery? Well, that must be why their hard drive failed six months down the line. Screw that. I don't work on other people's stuff anymore."
A Close Call
"I was driving into a petrol station and saw a cyclist lying unconscious on the side of the road, obviously having been side-swiped by a car. I parked, ran in, and told the operator about it, asked them to call an ambulance and police, etc."
"By this time a bunch of people had gathered around the cyclist, and while we were waiting, this woman started accusing me of being the one who hit him. Because, 'Why would you care so much about helping him unless you were the guilty one?!'"
"The police and ambulance came, and I saw this woman immediately run over to them and start gesticulating in my direction. The police came over and asked me some questions 'as a witness,' but I began to get a bit worried."
"Fortunately, by this time, the cyclist had recovered consciousness and was able to describe a vehicle that was obviously not mine as being the one that hit him. The police apologized for bothering me and said they had no further questions."
"The woman looked visibly annoyed and frustrated that she hadn't been able to get me in trouble..."
"I absolutely hate it when you lend people money and then they act annoyed and twist in a way that makes you feel bad."
"Doesn't really matter whether it is a big or small amount. If I realize someone isn't paying back small sums on his own and act annoyed or pissed, when you remind them (or when they even forget), then I usually do not lend them any money anymore."
"It shouldn't be my job to remind people of that. The thing is also that you can't win with those people. If you don't ask they will probably never give it back or at least drag it out for ages. If you persistently ask, more often than not, you get some undeserved snarky remark about how stingy you are or that you shouldn't take it so seriously, etc."
"Stuff like that ticks me off, but if you get agitated then you are the crazy one because you get worked up over 'a few bucks.'"
"A guy that used to work for us had no car. His wife needed to go pick up groceries. I had the flu and wanted to just sleep in my bed, but she gave me a sob story about not having any food at all (this was before grocery delivery was really a thing), so I told her I could take her for a few things."
"She knew how sick I was and promised she would just get a few essentials while I slept in the car. TWO HOURS LATER, she walked out with two carts of groceries and loaded them up. I groggily took her home and drive home and crawled into bed."
"That evening, her husband came to my house and confronted me about being 'really grumpy' about taking his wife to the store and being mean to her."
"I straight up told him I had the flu, I wasn't grumpy, I was half-awake, but don't worry because I would never run either of them anywhere ever again. Ungrateful a**holes."
"I had an old, lonely lady who used to come to see me at work. She was sweet and we would talk quite a bit, and she told me I was the only person who 'understood her' or 'took the time' with her."
"I don’t remember how this happened but I gave her my personal phone number for her to give me a call whenever she felt depressed or lonely."
"I ended up getting phone calls every hour throughout the night and day, which I couldn’t always answer because I had a job? A kid? I was sleeping?"
"Anyway, she then began leaving me very nasty voicemails that I had 'abandoned' her and 'was just like everyone else.'"
"It was wild."
New Level of Friendship: Unlocked
"I used to pop into a bar by my apartment after work and met a guy named Tom. At first, it was just small talk but eventually, we started having more serious conversations, and I thought, 'Cool, a new friend.' I gave him my number and suddenly my phone was blowing up every day."
"I was working full-time and had my own life; I couldn't drop everything at a moment's notice every time he called or texted and it was all the fucking time."
"The breaking point was him calling me on a Tuesday around midnight asking why I wasn't at the bar hanging out. Uh, because I have to work tomorrow?"
"Suddenly he was saying things like, 'I knew you were just like everyone else,' and 'nobody wants to be friend.' I just couldn't do it anymore. Like, I'm sorry you have trouble making friends but being hyper-clingy and texting me 50 times a day demanding we hang out isn't the answer."
Tough Luck Stories
"I used to be a sucker for a hard luck story."
"Oh, you need $1000 to buy a car so you can go see your kid? Sure, I got you, just pay me back."
"You need help buying Christmas presents for your kids? Sure, I'll help!"
"You want me to let you crash at my place for a couple of days while you figure some s**t out? I got you!"
"Every single one left me with no money, fewer friends, and a growing distrust of people."
Let It Snow
"Not my story, my dad's..."
"A woman went off the road & into a snow bank right out front of my Dad's auto shop, and he happened to be in a tow truck (he'd just serviced) with a customer. They went up to the lady to see if they could help, and she was on the phone with the police (laughing out loud) for a tow."
"The police came, and asked if they could pull her out as they were already there and another truck could be hours. They agreed, but they made it clear to the woman and the cop they would not be liable for anything. Just get the car outta the ditch and back on the road."
"Sure enough, after almost an hour of shoveling and laying in snow/slush to get this thing out, the first thing she says is, 'Oh, you caused damage, look, that's bent, etc., etc.' The cop told them to get the h**l outta there and he'd sort the lady out."
"Save someone a penny, and it'll cost you a dollar..."
That Mean Girl Energy
"I sat down with a girl who liked me in a private setting and explained that I was already in a relationship but would like to remain friends. She used that opportunity to tell my girlfriend (now wife) that I was cheating on her."
"This, of course, wasn’t true but she proceeded to make up a lot of s**t to start fights between my girlfriend and me. It almost ended our relationship until we had a long conversation and realized that everything we had been told by her was a lie."
"You’re probably wondering why I didn’t figure she was lying to my girlfriend sooner. That’s because she pretended to be my friend through the whole thing and would seemingly take my side. My girlfriend and I talked for hours, and when we did, we realized who was lying to us."
What a Catch
"I had an ex that lost her job and apartment. I told her (she was my girlfriend at the time) to come live with me if she wanted, so she’d have a roof over her head and access to necessities. I paid for everything under the premise that she would try and find other employment opportunities."
"I even bought her a car and paid for the insurance so she wouldn’t have to rely on public transportation, considering it’s not always easy to find a job in your immediate area."
"She was banging some dude in my own bed while I was working night shifts. Kicked her to the curb, sold the car, and used part of the money to buy a new bed."
Gotta Get That Insurance Info
"I saw an accident while driving through my neighborhood. Stopped to help the lady because her car was stopped in the middle of the road. The car that hit her drove off."
"When the cops arrive, the lady told the cop that I hit her. I figured she just made a mistake but then she told the cop some made-up story."
"The cops asked for my license/registration, and it took a while to convince them that it wasn't me because I had no damage whatsoever and the amount of damage meant that the other car was also badly damaged."
That High School Audacity
"Very simple but I had a friend in high school that was very upset that she had done poorly on an exam. Like full-on crying that she might not get an A (like she did well, but not up to her standards)."
"I got her her favorite candy bar from a vending machine and hugged her and told her that it would be alright, that she was smart, and that no matter what, she did her best."
"She, very coldly, told me to f**k off and that she didn't want a f**king candy bar. So I f**ked off and had a candy bar."
"When I was in high school, I offered to help a classmate who was struggling with French homework. I took time every week to help her with it."
"On the one occasion when I couldn't, she told other people that I couldn't be trusted."
"I have the perfect response for this post. While trying to break people up from fighting, I got my head smashed in myself. One of the two went full rampage on me, and I remember receiving three hits."
"The next thing I remember is me feeling blood drip down my face to see my eyebrow fully split open, the side of my face swollen, my jaw hurting, and my tooth broken off."
"I did not even know any of the two fighting people. Just wanted to help and have an evening full of fun instead of this s**t."
Paid in Good Ravioli
"An elderly woman in my exercise class (I am no spring chicken myself) who was always grumbly and stiff was complaining about her shoulder. She also mentioned wanting to get her kitchen repainted but couldn't afford it and certainly couldn’t do it herself."
"I love to paint and am not afraid of a ladder so I volunteered, thinking this was a good deed I was doing for an old widow in a small house."
"Well, when I went to her 'small house' to discuss the job, it turns out it was at least 3000 square feet with a gigantic kitchen. She also wanted the ceiling done. I had to demur, it was overwhelming. She asked if I could paint her powder room. I said yes to that."
"When taking a break from painting, she and I sat at her kitchen table and she talked about going on vacation to Ireland with her family. Wow. So she certainly could have afforded to pay someone to paint or have one of her 40-year-old kids do it."
"But no. This perfect stranger volunteered out of the goodness of her heart and got paid in ravioli. At least the tomato sauce was incredible."
Doing good deeds generally feels wonderful, unless something about that good deed goes horribly wrong.
And if any of these Redditors second-guessed doing a good deed in the future, we couldn't exactly blame them.
People Share The Hardest Things To Understand About American Culture
Though it's often used as the butt of jokes, there's still a lot to appreciate in the United States, whether you live there or are visiting.
But there are also a lot of things that leave onlookers infinitely perplexed about what it's actually like to live in the United States and why they do things like that.
Redditor DadIsMadAtMe asked:
"What’s the hardest thing for you to comprehend about the American culture?"
"School mascots. Where I live, we just have teams and just play matches against people."
"In America, it’s all like, 'GO, EASTTOWN EAGLES!!! OOGACHACKA!' and there would be some person in a cheapo eagle suit spinning a basketball on his fingers or something. You would have a full dramatic cheerleader dance-off before your match, we just shake hands and stare hard at each other."
No Child Left Behind
"Canadian here on spring break in Florida."
"I can't get over the baseline... I don't know how to say it, the baseline education level? There are smart people, but there are also completely uneducated people. Like, the divide is massive."
Little-To-No Paid Time Off
"Having two weeks vacation or no PTO (Personal Time Off) for most."
"In my current country, you have to take two weeks of mandatory leave in a row. Including public holidays, I get about seven weeks of vacation per year."
Financial Debt Culture
"How casual debt is, how easy it is to take loans and credit cards out in other people's names without their knowledge, and how casual it is to rack up huge amounts of debt."
Where's the Poutine?
"Americans love french fries, cheese, and gravy, but poutine never took off south of the border. Always found that odd."
"The zero-tolerance rule... Who came up with that s**t? The victim is the one who is f**ked. Either he gets bullied or he gets a penalty for defending himself."
"A lot of people follow and worship politicians like they’re gods with flags and all that s**t. In the UK, it’s universally acknowledged that we hate all politicians pretty much equally."
"Having to tip almost everywhere. It definitely makes sense at some places, but feel like we have to tip at the most random of places these days."
"I speak as a Latin American, just setting that down on the table."
"I don’t get why people think that using something from my culture or showing interest in Latin culture is 'cultural appropriation.' I’ve even spoken to a lot of people in my culture about this thing and we all think it’s alright."
"Your healthcare system, it's so complicated and expensive. And people going bankrupt because they get sick, what bulls**ttery is this?"
The Stereotypical American Eagle
"American here, fun fact! That stereotypical screech you commonly hear associated with the bald eagle is actually a red-tailed hawk. Bald eagles do not make that sound. They make more of a weird (way less cool) chirping sound."
"I was too old when I learned this for the first time."
Plus Tax... What?
"Why don't they include tax in the total price of something? Just include it and make life easier. I don't want to have to do maths every time I go there and buy something."
Not In That Exact Order
"You are allowed to drive a car at 16, own guns, and sign up for the military at 18. But alcohol, behold the devil's liquid!, is only for 21+. The math ain't mathin'."
Money Money Money Money
"Legal bribery, what the h**l."
"Also, why do you have to do your taxes? If the Government, in the end, knows if what you paid was what you actually owed, why not just tell you."
People looking in on the United States definitely had some questions about the people who live there and the systems they have to observe. But the big secret is that many Americans are asking the same exact questions.
People Confess Which Things They Swore They'd Never Do As A Kid But Ended Up Doing Anyway
When you were younger, your protected perspective on life and the world was probably significantly different compared to now.
Before life experience informed your decisions, younger you most likely had higher aspirations to achieve a specific goal or swore off doing something you found objectionable.
But here you are, as an adult, doing the exact opposite of what you had intended.
Curious to hear from strangers online about their developmental growth, Redditor 1234kyou_ asked:
"What did you swear in your childhood you would never do, but ended up doing anyways?"
Some hobbies that delighted us as kids never really go away as these Redditors have experienced.
The "Bird Creep"
"Birdwatching. I used to think it was the lamest way someone could spend their time when I was a kid. How could anyone just sit around and look at birds? What are you, some kind of bird creep? ... 20 years later and I'm obsessed with birds. Love hearing their songs and seeing all the beautiful colors."
"Give up drawing."
"I actually broke my own heart when I recently found a school project we did back when I was a kid. We had to write a letter for our future selves and mine starts with: 'Hey, did you become an artist already? I really hope you did not become a boring adult with a boring job who gave up on his dreams and passions.'"
"Well, sorry little me, but I kinda did."
Tending To One's Garden
"Gardening. We had a large garden. We raised and preserved what we grew. It was me and my sister's job to care for this garden. This was back when whipping your child was acceptable punishment. I was whipped sooo many times, because I hated that I had to grew and preserved vegetables I did not like. I hated it! Swore I'd never have a garden. Never do THAT to my kids. Then I had kids. A switch flipped in my head. I had to have a garden! I never made my kids take care of it. Gardening was my 'me' time. But being little kids, they wanted to be with mom and 'help' with the garden. I 'gave' them an area and they were allowed to grow whatever they wanted. If it was a fruit or vegetables , they had to eat it. As a result, they both love gardening and neither are picky eaters."
When it comes to keeping it in the family, it's not always the goal.
"I have become my father."
"I have become my mom.... even the voice is similar."
"I've taken on a lot more of my dad's cynicism than I would like, but mostly I have my mom's wonder and carefreeness."
"But my dad is rich and mom is poor."
"He does not share the wealth he just shares 'you should've done X like this'. But his advice is the level of 'tear down the sign punch them in the face and say you're looking at your new employee'. I've also never heard a single dad joke from him."
"When I was touring houses to buy before the pandemic, my mother's spirit must have possessed me because I opened my mouth and her voice said 'i don't know, i don't think I could live in a house without both a coat closet and a linen closet.'"
Adulting is hard.
The Financial Hole
"Get into debt I can't pay off."
"I said I wouldn’t curse unless a nuke was dropped on my house. That was a f'king lie."
Can't Wait, Don't Hate
"Have sex before marriage. Thank f'k I never made good on that one since I'm 41 and have never been married."
I'm a pretty fussy eater. Always have been.
I grew up in a Japanese family where regularly eating natto was a thing.
Natto is a Japanese dish made from Bacillus subtilis-fermented soybeans. It's known to have magical health benefits but the smell is overwhelmingly powerful, and the nutty taste leaves little to be desired.
Many people not used to eating exotic foods can't stand the flavor and slimy, sticky texture–let alone the pungent aroma.
I swore as a child that would be the one food I would never eat again after having a bad experience.
And yet, here I am as an adult, eating it for breakfast 2-3 times a week after truly understanding the health benefits.
Natto–which is rich in protein, vitamins, and minerals– helps maintain healthy cholesterol levels, reduces blood pressure, and can prevent heart disease. Some studies have suggested it can prevent certain cancers.
Once I trained myself to get used to flavor and smell, I actually crave it now.
It's definitely an acquired taste, but it's crazy to know that we are all capable of liking or appreciating something previously thought of as repulsive once we set our mind to it.
Finding love is something that nearly everyone hopes for at some point in their life.
For some, love practically finds them. They hardly need any time searching for the true love.
Others might have to work a little harder and be a little more patient. They never give up the hope that their one true love is out there, somewhere.
Then there are those for whom the search simply isn't worth it and have found themselves resigned to the fact that they may never find someone.
Whether or not that's how they want their life to be.
"Have you given up on love, if so why?"
Fear Of Getting Hurt
"To me the price I have to pay if I want to be in a relationship is I have to be vulnerable."
"And at some level I just don’t want to get hurt that bad again."
"I accept this, and have family, friends, work, hobbies, and things to look forward to."
"So while I wouldn’t say I have given up on love, I’m not looking for it and would be very wary of any new situation."- hdhdhdhdzjursx
"Gotta be honest, pretty much have."
"The last person I loved romantically found just about every way to put me down and reject me, all the while pulling me back in repeatedly."
"It was not worth it."
"I'm going solo but still kind of hoping for Miracle."
"I like me."- ATXDefenseAttorney
Don't Have The Energy
"Yes, because I'm tired."
"Tired of going out to find someone to love, tired of getting to know a new person and being comfortable enough to fall in love, tired of learning new things about this new person and whether we are compatible, tired of meeting each other's families and getting to know a whole new bunch of people..."
"Being single may be lonely, but I won't be exhausted."- Avelevanstar
"Not sure if I've given up, but I am getting real tired."
"Having to get to know new people, putting my heart out there without knowing if I'll succeed this time, so tiring."
"I'm learning more about myself in therapy, and I've seen ladies' heads turn when I speak, I've been told I have a nice voice, but chasing a lady is so much work for so little payoff."
"Never had a girlfriend before too, and I'm hitting 40 soon."
"Each new lady is a learning experience but it's also incredibly draining."
"Sometimes I just wanna curl up on my bed and ignore the whole world."- Blim004
It's Given Up On Them
"I haven't given up on love, but I doubt I will ever love again."
"After 53 years and so many attempts that ended in tears, I don't think I will ever have that chance again for a variety of reasons."
"I spend times just trying to come to terms that I will die alone someday."- kalwayne3573
For Their own Self-Care
"Need to repair myself so the next guy doesn’t have to do it for me."- Beginning-Match592
Lack Of Reciprocation
"Given up on love as I am the only one loving, the others just need me."
"When they're done, they push me away."- gameygamer15
Traumatized By Past Mistakes
"Ever fallen in love with someone you shouldn't have fallen in love?"
"So that's why, though I hope time will heal me or sth."- guess_I_feed
"I was in a 10-year abusive relationship."
"Unfortunately I didn’t realize until very late and then I ended it."
"It’s too much of a risk to meet someone again as these type of people are very manipulative and you don’t realize the cruelty they are capable of until you are trauma bonded."
"It’s not easier being single but it’s a lot less heartache."
"I thank my lucky stars every day that I got out."- corickle
"My last four love interests either cheated or 'found a girlfriend'."
"It's left me believing I'm just not a person who can be romantically loved."- Owlmystery
Happy Being Alone
"I’m not capable of giving someone my all and I enjoy my time alone more than anything."
"Two failed marriages later, we chillin."- HDTempo
Life Is Good The Way It Is
"I had a big love."
"It didn't work out."
"Now I live a truly beautiful life alone and I wouldn't trade it for the world."
"I just spent the weekend with my friend, her toddler, new puppy and failing marriage and when I got home I nearly cried with the feeling of gratitude for my peaceful life."- spice-pop
"On romantic love, yes."
"I have so many social aversions and require so much space that I'm neither capable or interested to nurture such a relationship."
"I'm happier and more functional on my own."- USAIsAUcountry
Literally Don't Know What They're Missing
"Never been loved before, can't miss what I haven't experienced."- Allnutsz
"I wasn't socialized from the ages 12-22 and have severe social anxiety."
"It's hard to meet people when you're terrified of them."- owe-me
The true romantics should never give up the hope that their soulmate is out there, somewhere.
That being said, being without a partner is nothing to be ashamed of.
As the only person in control of your own happiness, is you and you alone.