Trouble At Home

Had an older guy in his 40s show up ten minutes late, answer the phone after introducing himself, and proceed to yell at his mother for 15 minutes while I was standing there waiting on him to finish. "Ma, I'm at work, I'll call you back! Shut up ma, I'll call you back!" ....and so on.

Then once he finally sits down I realize he is hammered drunk. Face is cherry red, he is sweating, and the unmistakable smell of booze on his body odor and breath.

He told me he would be a store manager one day, I just humored him since I had time to kill. Weirdest interview I've ever experienced, but also the worst

King_Rhymer

Blocking The Competition, You Might Say

Guy comes in for an interview for an entry level software development position. He's fresh out of college, just like we were looking for.

Apart from some alarmingly bad breath, the interview itself was going just a bit below average. He seemed a little slower than other applicants, but what really killed it happened about 30 minutes into the interview, when we were interrupted by the receptionist.

Apparently someone had double parked their Subaru Outback in two very clearly labeled Motorcycle spots out in front of the building. These short, narrow spots are not at all long enough to hold a car, and he was literally blocking in someone's jeep. The owner of said jeep, was trying to get to the hospital for a family emergency of some kind, and everyone in the company had been running around looking for the owner of the Outback to get them to f-cking move. Of course it was the dumb-as-bricks interviewee.

babypuncher_

"You Can Trust Me...Honestly..."

The worst one my wife's told me when she was interviewing someone for a sandwich place was three questions one after another that the interviewee couldn't have made themselves seem dodgier.

Q. "If I get hired can I get an advance on my first months pay?"

A. "No sorry, that's not something we're allowed to do"

Q. "Ah ok... Will I be doing cash drops at night from the safe?"

A " No, only supervisors have access to the safes"

Q "Will I be working on the till?"

Daedalus_0_

So, What Do You Know?

I was doing technical interviews. Candidate gets dropped off at my office by previous interviewer. I'm newish to the interviewing game, so my first question is kind of medium hard.

He smiles nervously, "I don't know."

Okay, that's cool, I'd rather that than BS. I ask the next question, a bit easier.

Smile, "I don't know."

Uhhhh, okay. I pull up a basic trouble ticket, explain the problem.

"How would you go about fixing that?"
"I don't know."

I then ask him a question which he was nominally certified to know.

"I don't know."

At that point I was out of questions. I had planned for a 45 minute interview, but "I don't know" doesn't take a long time to say, and is hard to follow up on. Meanwhile my boss messages me, asking how the interview is going. I tell him "not well". He shows up at my door about twenty seconds later, pulls me out into hallway, and tells me that I confirmed the last interviewers experience. Then he took the candidate away, and sent him home.

Perfectly nice person, but seemingly devoid of any knowledge of computers, as far as we could tell.

hacksawsa

The Smell Of...Fear?

Applicant looked presentable. White [teeth] and French cuffed shirt.

Then he entered the room

He smelled like sh-t.

It was if someone had been collecting the sh-ts people take at Taco Bell and the portable bathrooms used in marathons, for the past 10 years. Then liquified it to form this mans cologne.

The smell that overcame my interviewing partner and I was enough to render my anus shut in utter fear.

He was asked kindly to leave. Interviews were done for the day.

DrSegovia

Not Well At All

Had a guy spend a whole hour talking about how his last job was out to get him and the owner covered it up. And it was a large financial institution that he was a super high up in and now they have blacklisted him and he can't find work anywhere and he can't get out of bed and do his normal routine until he smokes himself out. And he was too nervous for the interview so he had to smoke in order to drive to the interview to calm his nerves.

He asked how we thought he did and I told him the Second step was a drug test, so not so well.

berandom1984

I'm A Changed Woman. Promise.

I was a recruiter a few years ago (never again). I was doing a pre-interview of sorts with a 45-50y/o woman at my office for a position with a client, and she had a gap in her resume a couple years prior. I asked about it thinking she was either unemployed at the time or that maybe she was omitting something, not at all expecting her to be honest if the latter were true. But no, she exceeded expectations.

Told me she used to work at the company I was interviewing her for, and that she was escorted out by security for punching one of her coworkers. So she thought it'd look bad to leave that on there and preferred I'd leave it off upon submittal. I remember not knowing if I should laugh at her joke or end the interview but when she never "lol jkkkkk!"-ed me, I wrapped things up real quick.

She called me a week later asking if there was any feedback and if the client would like to schedule a phone call.

envkvd

Not Good At The Thing You Claim To Be Good At

Had a young woman interview to be a cashier.

She was chewing gum, which was already not great to me. (Not a game changer, but, who doesn't know better these days?)

She then proceeded to give me her work history. She was currently working her first job of three weeks, but couldn't get good transportation to the town over. Before that she volunteered some place for a week before she quit because she couldn't get rides. She claimed this job was closer, and that she could quit tomorrow and come here. Red flag for questionable dependability, but I could look past it, since I'm a softie.

But the final nail in the coffin was when I asked: "What is your weakness?" I always try to make it a joke about "oh you always get this one in an interview" to kind of ease tension. This chick says, and I quote:

"My weakness is customer service."

Honey, you're interviewing for the CUSTOMER SERVICE DEPARTMENT.

I have hired about 80% of people I interview. I just can't look past "My weakness is the only qualification I need to get this job."

MacaroonAfternoon

This Is A Close One, But...

Had a friend who interviewed someone for their residency at a hospital. A few minutes in the applicant let out a super loud long fart but didn't say anything.

He said him and the whole interview panel all just sat there awkwardly for a minute before a co-worker asked another question and they all basically just pretended it didn't happen.

mizerybiscuits

...The Winner Is...

Had a guy sh-t himself because he got sick morning of the interview and was giving it his all. Helped him [to the] onsite gym to clean up [and] had his wife come get him.

Interviewed him a week later out of pity and he showed up and was hired on the spot.

He got my job when I left the company a few years later.

jaugernatofass