JOIN
OUR EMAIL LIST!

The funny (in a tragic kind of way) thing about manipulative and abusive relationships is that sometimes you don't realize you're in one until something so ridiculous happens that you can't deny it any longer. One Reddit user is facing that realization after her husbands ultimatum, an assault by his friend, and the victim blaming that followed.


Yup, it's as bad we it seems. Here is her original post:

I met my husband 6 years ago when we both had just graduated college. He was a lovely guy, handsome and very well put together. He loved muscle cars and weight lifting and I loved everything about him. I fell in love with him instantly and was over the moon when he asked me to marry him.

A year into our marriage, I became pregnant with our son and gained about 30 lbs. I was 5'3" 125 lbs before the baby and 155 lbs after the baby. I still fit into the same clothing sizes so I didn't think I had gained too much weight and that it would come off with breastfeeding and some more exercise.

After the baby, my husband started pressuring me to lose the weight. He said that his friends were making comments about how fat I had gotten and that he was not as attracted to me as he was before I had the baby. He gave me an ultimatum that I either would have to lose the 30 lbs in six months or he would leave me. I was very upset about the demand, but I didn't want to lose him so I tried my hardest to lose the weight.

Every day for months I would wake up and go to hot yoga for 90 minutes. After I got home from work, I would run or do some body weight exercises. I tried to keep my calorie count below 1200 so that I would lose 2 or more lbs per week. The weight slowly but surely started to come off and I was back down to 130 lbs by the end of the six months. My husband was happy and things looked like they would be okay.

After I lost the weight, I noticed a shift in the attitude of my husband's friends. Most of them are perfectly nice guys, but a few of them are absolute pieces of shit (the same ones who called me fat). Once I returned to my old weight, these friends started to make comments about me and how sexy I was. I told my husband to make them stop and he said that he would speak with them, but the rude comments never stopped. I channeled all of my frustrations into working out and I lost an additional 15 lbs of body fat and got more toned.

This past weekend, my husband's friends were over at the house and one of them grabbed me and tried to grope me. I told my husband and even though he was angry at his friend, he was still angry at me. My husband said that I was leading his friends on by losing so much weight and that I was trying to make myself skinny so that I could cheat on him. I was disgusted by this accusation and packed my bags and left for my mom's house.

Last night, my husband called me and begged for me to come back home. He says that he knows that he was unfair and that he won't let his friend come over anymore, but I am so tired of dealing with this that I'm not sure I want him back. He's the one that told me to lose weight, but now he's blaming me for being too skinny and I'm afraid he's going to make me develop an eating disorder. But I also still love my husband and it hurts me to be apart from him.

I'm so confused and I'm not sure what to do.

Reddit swooped in with responses SO DANG FAST. Some of them had to be censored or edited because people had some CHOICE words about this.

I Can't Imagine Why

Giphy

He blamed you for his friend's decision to grope you.

He accused you of trying to cheat.

He pressured you into losing weight to win the approval of his friends.

I can't imagine why in the world you would go back to that.

- Reddit

Dead And Gone

Giphy

WTF!? This is utter bullshit behavior. These people have no respect for you or your husband -- they're not friends. With friends like these, you don't need enemies.

My boys are like brothers to me, so naturally, the wives/girlfriends are like my sisters. I would never imagine to disrespect them like that.

The guy you married six years ago is probably dead and gone by now.

- Mr_Julez

Raise A Baby

Giphy

Because you were sexually assaulted, he accused you of trying to cheat. That's no person to raise a baby with.

- RememberKoomValley

Not Normal

Giphy

Your husband and his friends are actual dicks. It's normal for you to gain weight during pregnancy. It's normal to take a while to lose it. It's normal to want and encourage your spouse to get back in shape. It's NOT normal to give an ultimatum to lose weight immediately after having a baby or get dumped, it's NOT normal for his friends to make nasty comments about his wife and mother of his newborn child, and it's definitely not normal for him to accuse you of anything because you've lost weight, especially when that was the thing he f^cking wanted in the first place.

I would seriously reconsider leaving this piece of work for good if I were you.

- eatingbread

Stay Away For Your Baby

Giphy

Remember this...

If you go back, this is the man your son will model himself on. He'll think treating women like this is the norm.

I know you want better than that for your kid, it's obvious through your post.

Stay away for yourself. And if you can't do it for yourself, please stay away for your sweet baby boy, who does not need to be shaped into a sh!tbag.

- snarkdarts

A Sexy Trophy

Giphy

His focus was all about making you a sexy trophy to show his friends. His communications with his (shitty) friends has made them believe your boundaries are very loose. I would be concerned with how far they will go with your husbands subtle encouragement to make you a sex object.

- spermface

Ever

Giphy

Don't go back. Ever.

Your husbands "friends" are pieces of sh!t. Also, your husband is also one for being so easily persuaded by them to basically hate his own wife.

And once you were "good looking" again, they came back. And showed no respect at all to you.

Leading his friends on by losing so much weight.

ARE. YOU. F^CKING. KIDDING. ME

He loved you when you were "normal weight". He blackmailed you into losing weight when his friends didn't find you attractive anymore. And then he had the audacity to make you believe his pieces of sh!t friends are like that because of you.

Hell. F^cking. No. You deserve better. And you need to be aware that he will never stop getting influenced by his friends. Their opinion will always be more important to him than you.

- prinshesca

Red Flags Abound

Giphy

There are too many people in your marriage. Your husband is weak willed and indecisive, his insecurities are making him dependent on his friends approval over you, and they are treating you like communal property. There is so much not-OK, boundary crossing, control-freak sh!t happening here even before the guy groped you. Like expressing their opinions on your post-pregnancy body to your husband. Like blackmailing you into weight loss, and then freaking out when you did it too well. It's not good enough that your husband has promised to not have the guy who groped you back in your house - he needs to cut that guy from his life. Period. Along with any other bag of dicks who went along with this shit. By not removing these people from his life, he is placing his friend's approval over your well being.

That needs to be the baseline before you can even decide IF this marriage worth saving. Other posters have mentioned that his love and respect are tied to your weight. He wants you thin, but not too thin, least anyone else notice how shiny his toy is, and is willing to be emotionally abusive to achieve what he wants. What other areas of your lives does he have control over? These are huge, communist party parade sized red flags here.

Red flags abound. Until you and your marriage matter more to your husband than what his friends think of you and your marriage, it's doomed.

- bluedotishappy

Nope Out

Giphy

Are you kidding me?!?

Strike 1) Ultimatum to lose weight RIGHT AFTER having HIS Baby.

Strike 2) Did nothing while his friends made lewd comments about your body

Strike 3) Blame you for getting sexually assaulted by his friend.

OMG girl nope the f^ck out of there! He respects his friends more than he respects you. You are clearly just a hot piece of ass to him and nothing more. F^ck that.

- throwaway_farts

Bet $500

Giphy

He was upset with you for gaining a very reasonable amount of weight after a pregnancy. He wasn't attracted to you and he told you to lose weight or he was leaving. You lost the weight. A friend groped you and he got mad at you and accused you of leading them on.

I would bet $500 right now that sometime between you gaining weight and his ultimatum, this man cheated on you (and blamed you for it.)

- ScuttlesMcAllister

H/T: Reddit

Image by Mary Pahlke from Pixabay

There are few things more satisfying than a crisp $20 bill. Well, maybe a crisp $100 bill.

But twenty big ones can get you pretty far nonetheless.

Whether it's tucked firmly in a birthday card, passing from hand to hand after a knee-jerk sports bet, or going toward a useful tool, the old twenty dollar bill has been used for countless purposes.


Keep reading... Show less
Image by Jan Vašek from Pixabay

I realize that school safety has been severely compromised and has been under dire scrutiny over the past decade and of course, it should be. And when I was a student, my safety was one of my greatest priorities but, some implemented rules under the guise of "safety" were and are... just plain ludicrous. Like who thinks up some of these ideas?

Redditor u/Animeking1108 wanted to discuss how the education system has ideas that sometimes are just more a pain in the butt than a daily enhancement... What was the dumbest rule your school enforced?
Keep reading... Show less
Image by Angelo Esslinger from Pixabay

One of the golden rules of life? Doctors are merely human. They don't know everything and they make mistakes. That is why you always want to get another opinion. Things are constantly missed. That doesn't mean docs don't know what they're doing, they just aren't infallible. So make sure to ask questions, lots of them.

Redditor u/Gorgon_the_Dragon wanted to hear from doctors about why it is imperative we always get second and maybe third opinions by asking... Doctors of Reddit, what was the worse thing you've seen for a patient that another Doctor overlooked?
Keep reading... Show less
Image by nonbirinonko from Pixabay

When we think about learning history, our first thought is usually sitting in our high school history class (or AP World History class if you're a nerd like me) being bored out of our minds. Unless again, you're a huge freaking nerd like me. But I think we all have the memory of the moment where we realized learning about history was kinda cool. And they usually start from one weird fact.

Here are a few examples of turning points in learning about history, straight from the keyboards of the people at AskReddit.

U/Tynoa2 asked: What's your favourite historical fact?


Keep reading... Show less