Okay, so here's the thing ...
How come humans only have one way to breathe but turtles are out here breathing with their lungs and through their butts?
I keep hearing that humans are the "advanced" species but try telling that to my constantly janky sinuses, postnasal drip, and hyper-responsive cough reflex.
I spend all spring nearly dying by drowning in my own boogers, but turtles can stay trapped under the ice in water for over 100 days cause they've figured out how to use their butt holes as a SCUBA system.
I don't feel very advanced.
Reddit user ZanzatheDivine96 asked:
"What are some big flaws when it comes to the design of the human body?"
Let's start with everyone else who was on board with my breathing complaints. Admittedly, nobody else brought up turtle butts, but my point remains a valid and shared one nonetheless.
Airways
Breathe Jack Black GIF by Tenacious DGiphy"Airways. In order to eat and drink, you have to risk blocking them."
- Dinnen1
"God I constantly choke while drinking water. It would be nice not having to worry about that happening so often."
- bubbledragonz
"We’re the only primates with a descended larynx. Most can breathe and drink water at the same time."
"A descended larynx let’s us produce a way broader set of sounds, which helped the development of complex speech. Very useful adaptation for the species as a whole."
"The trade off being that an individual chokes and dies now and then."
- Choreopithecus
Why Am I Puking?
"When you’re in serious pain that has NOTHING to do with your stomach your body just decides to go 'Hey this pain sucks so imma make you throw up just cause it seems like a fun add-on to your experience.' ”
- carissadraws
"I've got decently sized kidney stones 🤢🤮"
"This is not your normal hangover vomiting. No no. It involves violently vomiting."
"Ribs and back are sore for days. Afraid you’re going to aspirate. Can’t make it stop, afraid to breathe."
"As if the stones themselves weren't bad enough."
- Inevitable_Set5762
"I have autoimmune hepatitis and when it spikes up really badly I can't stand up because if I do, I puke."
- doej0
Blue Planet
"Most of the planet is covered by water but we don’t have webbed feet or anything to thrive on this water based planet."
- elton_james
"We should have the ability to drink salt water. Hydration lacks sense"
- Profound_RK800
"A small number of folks do! Aquatic ape ancestral line pokes its head up every so often."
- ErdenGeboren
"We actually have a little bit of webbing on our hands. Also you know when you have been swimming for a while and your fingers looks like raisins. The reason it does that is to get more traction underwater."
- ThisGuyLikesCheese
Earlids
GIF by ESPNGiphy"Can’t turn off our ears like we can close our eyes. Sometimes I just want quiet in any situation!"
"That thin film of eyelid flesh is just enough to block almost everything out. We need a built-in feature that is similarly effective for blocking out sound."
"In our modern day and age I don’t typically have to listen for nocturnal predators hiding in the bushes."
- Emalan-R
"Oh my god, I never knew I wanted this until you've just mentioned it, now I want this so bad. The ability to shut off noise at will would be incredible."
- minisrugbycoach
Up?
"Sinuses that drain up."
- CertainUnit9145
"Omg my sinuses 😠 I swear one day I'll rip them open they're almost always an issue."
- whydoifeelsohopeless
"My god, dealing with this right now."
"Every season change I just get an entire day of sneezing or 3-4 days of nonstop coughing, it's ridiculous and I don't get it."
- ZanzatheDivine96
Octopeyes
"The eyes, specifically the retina is backwards."
"The 'support circuitry' is in front and the light sensors are in back. Hence the blind spot and tendency toward macular degeneration."
"Octopus eyes are done right."
"Eyes start as folds of double-layer cells and those cells divide and specialize."
"In at least humans, the layer that becomes the blood vessels and transmission nerves in the retina is on the inside and the layer that becomes the rods and cones is on the outside. So the light has to go through the blood vessels and such to be detected, and there's a blind spot where the transmission nerves gather together to become the optic nerve."
"In the octopus eye those layers are reversed, so the rods and cones (Not sure about cones, do octopi see in color?) are formed from the inside and the transmission nerves and blood vessels formed from the outside."
"Their eyes work pretty much the same as ours, except the layers were better arranged at the outset."
- phred14
The Pee Manager
pee dancing GIFGiphy"This whole need to pee thing."
"Especially when I'm all cozy. That's some bull right there. I wanna speak to the manager."
- wyd55
"You ever get cozy at night in cool sheets on a warm summer night only to then have your body say 'f*ck that we pissin' so you begrudgingly go to the bathroom and as soon as you get ready to release your body's like 'sike we don't gotta pee no more I changed my mind we good now.' "
"Pisses me the f*ck off."
- 100BlackKids
Cold Sperm
"That sperm need to be slightly colder."
"Why did that evolve? Ever other cell is fine with being warmer but because of sperm being picky we gotta have nuts hanging out that can be kicked."
- Spirited-Ad-8061
"Yep. I would be happy to have my balls tucked away somewhere in my abdomen rather then swinging around, just asking to be bludgeoned."
-braedn
Chemicals
"The brain being filled with feel good chemicals but refusing to release them."
- chuckyeagers
"The big sads - Chemical imbalances."
- Allieora
"Like your brain tries to kill you, but in the same time it tries to prevent it through the instinct of self-preservation."
- showMeYourCroissant
"In my case it releases all the chemicals all at once, causing me to be manic followed immediately by depression."
- Capraos
Asking Too Much
homer simpson GIFGiphy"Ankles."
"As a foundation, they’re often vulnerable and unreliable. Too much is asked of the ankles relative to the weight they support."
- nomathnot
"Yeah man ankles suck, break it once and it's f*cked for life."
- totix28
"Can confirm, broke mine, will feel it forever."
- daggersaber
So what's your biggest body gripe?
Don't act like you don't have one. Is it a knee? Elbow? Sciatic pain that feels like a stabbing charlie horse in your right butt cheek?
Is it the turtle breathing thing? It's the turtle breathing thing, isn't it?
We'll see you in the comments!
Want to know more?
Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
Never miss another big, odd, funny or heartbreaking moment again.
Experiencing death is a fascinating and frightening idea.
Who doesn't want to know what is waiting for us on the other side?
But so many of us want to know and then come back and live a little longer.
It would be so great to be sure there is something else.
But the whole dying part is not that great, so we'll have to rely on other people's accounts.
Redditor AlaskaStiletto wanted to hear from everyone who has returned to life, so they asked:
"Redditors who have 'died' and come back to life, what did you see?"
Sensations
Happy Good Vibes GIF by Major League SoccerGiphy"My dad's heart stopped when he had a heart attack and he had to be brought back to life. He kept the paper copy of the heart monitor which shows he flatlined. He said he felt an overwhelming sensation of peace, like nothing he had felt before."
PeachesnPain
Recovery
"I had surgical complications in 2010 that caused a great deal of blood loss. As a result, I had extremely low blood pressure and could barely stay awake. I remember feeling like I was surrounded by loved ones who had passed. They were in a circle around me and I knew they were there to guide me onwards. I told them I was not ready to go because my kids needed me and I came back."
"My nurse later said she was afraid she’d find me dead every time she came into the room."
"It took months, and blood transfusions, but I recovered."
good_golly99
Take Me Back
"Overwhelming peace and happiness. A bright airy and floating feeling. I live a very stressful life. Imagine finding out the person you have had a crush on reveals they have the same feelings for you and then you win the lotto later that day - that was the feeling I had."
"I never feared death afterward and am relieved when I hear of people dying after suffering from an illness."
rayrayrayray
Free
The Light Minnie GIF by (G)I-DLEGiphy"I had a heart surgery with near-death experience, for me at least (well the possibility that those effects are caused by morphine is also there) I just saw black and nothing else but it was warm and I had such inner peace, its weird as I sometimes still think about it and wish this feeling of being so light and free again."
TooReDTooHigh
This is why I hate surgery.
You just never know.
Shocked
Giphy"More of a near-death experience. I was electrocuted. I felt like I was in a deep hole looking straight up in the sky. My life flashed before me. Felt sad for my family, but I had a deep sense of peace."
Admirable_Buyer6528
The SOB
"Nursing in the ICU, we’ve had people try to die on us many times during the years, some successfully. One guy stood out to me. His heart stopped. We called a code, are working on him, and suddenly he comes to. We hadn’t vented him yet, so he was able to talk, and he started screaming, 'Don’t let them take me, don’t let them take me, they are coming,' he was scared and yelling."
"Then he yelled a little more, as we tried to calm him down, he screamed, 'No, No,' and gestured towards the end of the bed, and died again. We didn’t get him back. It was seriously creepy. We called his son to tell him the news, and the son said basically, 'Good, he was an SOB.'”
1-cupcake-at-a-time
Colors
"My sister died and said it was extremely peaceful. She said it was very loud like a train station and lots of talking and she was stuck in this area that was like a curtain with lots of beautiful colors (colors that you don’t see in real life according to her) a man told her 'He was sorry, but she had to go back as it wasn’t her time.'"
Hannah_LL7
"I had a really similar experience except I was in an endless garden with flowers that were colors I had never seen before. It was quiet and peaceful and a woman in a dress looked at me, shook her head, and just said 'Not yet.' As I was coming back, it was extremely loud, like everyone in the world was trying to talk all at once. It was all very disorienting but it changed my perspective on life!"
huntokarrr
The Fog
"I was in a gray fog with a girl who looked a lot like a young version of my grandmother (who was still alive) but dressed like a pioneer in the 1800s she didn't say anything but kept pulling me towards an opening in the wall. I kept refusing to go because I was so tired."
"I finally got tired of her nagging and went and that's when I came to. I had bled out during a c-section and my heart could not beat without blood. They had to deliver the baby and sew up the bleeders. refill me with blood before they could restart my heart so, like, at least 12 minutes gone."
Fluffy-Hotel-5184
Through the Walls
"My spouse was dead for a couple of minutes one miserable night. She maintains that she saw nothing, but only heard people talking about her like through a wall. The only thing she remembers for absolute certain was begging an ER nurse that she didn't want to die."
"She's quite alive and well today."
Hot-Refrigerator6583
Well let's all be happy to be alive.
It seems to be all we have.
Trying to lose weight is a struggle understood by many people regardless of size.
The goal of reaching a healthy weight may seem unattainable, but with diet and exercise, it can pay off through persistence and discipline.
Seeing the pounds gradually drop off can also be a great motivator and incentivize people to stay the course.
Those who've achieved their respective weight goals shared their experiences when Redditor apprenti8455 asked:
"People who lost a lot of weight, what surprises you the most now?"
Redditors didn't see these coming.
Shiver Me Timbers
"I’m always cold now!"
– Telrom_1
"I had a coworker lose over 130 pounds five or six years ago. I’ve never seen him without a jacket on since."
– r7ndom
"140 lbs lost here starting just before COVID, I feel like that little old lady that's always cold, damn this top comment was on point lmao."
– mr_remy
Drawing Concern
"I lost 100 pounds over a year and a half but since I’m old(70’s) it seems few people comment on it because (I think) they think I’m wasting away from some terminal illness."
– dee-fondy
"Congrats on the weight loss! It’s honestly a real accomplishment 🙂"
"Working in oncology, I can never comment on someone’s weight loss unless I specifically know it was on purpose, regardless of their age. I think it kind of ruffles feathers at times, but like I don’t want to congratulate someone for having cancer or something. It’s a weird place to be in."
– LizardofDeath
Unleashing Insults
"I remember when I lost the first big chunk of weight (around 50 lbs) it was like it gave some people license to talk sh*t about the 'old' me. Old coworkers, friends, made a lot of not just negative, but harsh comments about what I used to look like. One person I met after the big loss saw a picture of me prior and said, 'Wow, we wouldn’t even be friends!'”
"It wasn’t extremely common, but I was a little alarmed by some of the attention. My weight has been up and down since then, but every time I gain a little it gets me a little down thinking about those things people said."
– alanamablamaspama
Not Everything Goes After Losing Weight
"The loose skin is a bit unexpected."
– KeltarCentauri
"I haven’t experienced it myself, but surgery to remove skin takes a long time to recover. Longer than bariatric surgery and usually isn’t covered by insurance unless you have both."
– KatMagic1977
"It definitely does take a long time to recover. My Dad dropped a little over 200 pounds a few years back and decided to go through with skin removal surgery to deal with the excess. His procedure was extensive, as in he had skin taken from just about every part of his body excluding his head, and he went through hell for weeks in recovery, and he was bedridden for a lot of it."
– Jaew96
These Redditors shared their pleasantly surprising experiences.
Shopping
"I can buy clothes in any store I want."
– WaySavvyD
"When I lost weight I was dying to go find cute, smaller clothes and I really struggled. As someone who had always been restricted to one or two stores that catered to plus-sized clothing, a full mall of shops with items in my size was daunting. Too many options and not enough knowledge of brands that were good vs cheap. I usually went home pretty frustrated."
– ganache98012
No More Symptoms
"Lost about 80 pounds in the past year and a half, biggest thing that I’ve noticed that I haven’t seen mentioned on here yet is my acid reflux and heartburn are basically gone. I used to be popping tums every couple hours and now they just sit in the medicine cabinet collecting dust."
– colleennicole93
Expanding Capabilities
"I'm all for not judging people by their appearance and I recognise that there are unhealthy, unachievable beauty standards, but one thing that is undeniable is that I can just do stuff now. Just stamina and flexibility alone are worth it, appearance is tertiary at best."
– Ramblonius
People Change Their Tune
"How much nicer people are to you."
"My feet weren't 'wide' they were 'fat.'"
– LiZZygsu
"Have to agree. Lost 220 lbs, people make eye contact and hold open doors and stuff"
"And on the foot thing, I also lost a full shoe size numerically and also wear regular width now 😅"
– awholedamngarden
It's gonna take some getting used to.
Bones Everywhere
"Having bones. Collarbones, wrist bones, knee bones, hip bones, ribs. I have so many bones sticking out everywhere and it’s weird as hell."
– Princess-Pancake-97
"I noticed the shadow of my ribs the other day and it threw me, there’s a whole skeleton in here."
– bekastrange
Knee Pillow
"Right?! And they’re so … pointy! Now I get why people sleep with pillows between their legs - the knee bones laying on top of each other (side sleeper here) is weird and jarring."
– snic2030
"I lost only 40 pounds within the last year or so. I’m struggling to relate to most of these comments as I feel like I just 'slimmed down' rather than dropped a ton. But wow, the pillow between the knees at night. YES! I can relate to this. I think a lot of my weight was in my thighs. I never needed to do this up until recently."
– Strongbad23
More Mobility
"I’ve lost 100 lbs since 2020. It’s a collection of little things that surprise me. For at least 10 years I couldn’t put on socks, or tie my shoes. I couldn’t bend over and pick something up. I couldn’t climb a ladder to fix something. Simple things like that I can do now that fascinate me."
"Edit: Some additional little things are sitting in a chair with arms, sitting in a booth in a restaurant, being able to shop in a normal store AND not needing to buy the biggest size there, being able to easily wipe my butt, and looking down and being able to see my penis."
– dma1965
People making significant changes, whether for mental or physical health, can surely find a newfound perspective on life.
But they can also discover different issues they never saw coming.
That being said, overcoming any challenge in life is laudable, especially if it leads to gaining confidence and ditching insecurities.
