Hotel Maids Recall The Nastiest Rooms They've Ever Had To Clean Up
I don't get paid enough for this!!
Cleaning up after people or animals or people who behave like animals can be a miserable job. Being a maid or cleaning worker is hard, honest work and after hearing about some on the job issues it is clear that they are outrageously underpaid. And under appreciated. We all wonder what goes on behind close doors but when we find out.... we instantly regret asking.
Redditor u/goSaya wanted to know if all the maids out there felt like sharing a few horror stories by asking.... Hotel maid staff, what's the nastiest room you've had to clean and why? (NSFW)
Gagged!
Not a maid, but I worked as a maintenance man and had to clean out apartments. One apartment I had to clean had a refrigerator stuffed full of food because the occupants had been evicted. Unfortunately, the electric company had shut off the electricity so the food had been rotting for well over a month. It was the most god awful smell I've ever encountered in my life. Rotting fish, rotting chicken, and a lot of stuff that was so rotten you couldn't even tell what it had originally been. However, the boss said I had to do it so I did it.
I lost control and vomited several times while trying to scrape the goop out. I sprayed the fridge with strong cleaning chemicals and spent an hour scrubbing the hell out of it but I couldn't get the smell out. I finally gave up and told my boss about it and she insisted on seeing for herself. She walked into the apartment, gagged at the smell, and told me to throw the fridge out without even looking inside. All that effort and puking for nothing! Mange-Tout
Not a Charmin moment....
GiphyNot a maid staff but used to work front desk at a hotel in Myrtle Beach. So many wild stories from that job... Once we had a customer check in late at night & came to the front desk to complain about a large chocolate stain on their sheet in their made bed. After some checking turns out the maid that cleaned the room, it was her last day on the job & she had decided to wipe her butt with the sheets & then make the bed. The customers ended up with a free stay. jettisonbombardier
Stays in Vegas.
I can tell you one room I was in where someone set a cleaning trap.
Laying in bed with my wife, she felt a piece of paper down by her feet. It said "they don't change the dirty sheets in the room, check out the blood stains and pubic hair down here" which was both their.
Called the front desk and we were moved to suite in the other tower of this casino hotel in Vegas. scott60561
Luckily the guest wasn't there.
Not a maid but I used to install wifi systems at hotels across the midwest. The job required us to go into every other room and install an access point. One of the jobs was at an extended stay, and we only had one more room to finish. However the guest was being difficult and didn't want to let us into the room. According to hotel staff the guest hadn't let any of the maids into the room in several weeks. Finally the Assistant GM had enough and escorted us up to the room to let us in. Luckily the guest wasn't there.
It was one of the worst things I'd ever seen. Trash and cloths everywhere, cigarette butts all over the place. It appeared there was a dog living in there, as there was dog poop everywhere as well. The smell was horrendous. It looked like something you would see on one of those hoarder shows. We hurried up and got our AP installed and got out of there. GarageguyEve
Got Gloves?
GiphyNot maid, worked front desk:
My coworker picked something up in the hallway and brought it to the front desk asking what it was. It was a butt-plug and he was holding it with his bare fingers. polkam0n
Flinging Poo!
Another "not maid staff, but..." response: I used to work security at a resort. The worst that I witnessed was the aftermath of a couple getting into an argument. A husband and wife were drunk and taking a bath together, and then got into an argument. The wife pooped in the bath, picked up the turds, and threw them at her husband like a monkey. Then the husband accidentally stepped on one and smushed it into the carpet. I felt terrible for the 5 housekeepers that had to clean it up, and even worse for the couple's 2 kids that were in the room. Zed89
Atrocious.
GiphyMy fiancé's uncle owns a motel and I'll help out during the summer and there have been a few rooms , one was this midwestern family who literally would use the swimming pool in jeans and what not, only asked for towels the whole time except for the day before they were supposed to check out and it was such an atrocity in the room, fried rice and blunt guts all over the floor/ bureau / the bathroom sink as well as the whole bathroom being stained purple from hair dye, literal baby poop/pee soaked sheets and pillows festering in a corner sooo we told the front office and they got kicked out. The people were atrocious especially for having 3 children ranging from like 14-6 with them. MDizzleee
Puker....
I'm a housekeeper at a 3 star hotel nothing fancy but not a motel. Young and need money for a new car I hate it but gotta do what I gotta do. Recently since its the holidays so many single people renting rooms and drinking loads of liquor (and eating cupcakes??? Idk why) and puking... everywhere. I don't expect tips but come on if you vomit please leave me something it takes 40 mins to clean that room they're so trashed. The smell is awful and they'll smile at me to check out and walk away I go in and its just pink/orange puke everywhere. Its depressing job for a young person I'm going to be honest but its a job so I'm thankful. pizzauwuw
Those Pearly Whites.
Not maid staff but I did general maintenance at a 5 star hotel in Ontario Canada. We had a room that the toilet would continuously plug up after a few uses. We would dump drain cleaner down it, plunge it, snake it, nothing seemed to work. So I remove the toilet to see what the blockage was. In the bottom of the toilet, caked in poop was someone's false teeth. An entire top plate with all the teeth.
Freaked me out a bit to see teeth looking back at me from a toilet. I gave them to management and they were able to determine who they belonged to and return them to their rightful owner. We assumed that during a drinking bender the owner must have been puking something fierce to loose his teeth like that. dukunt
2 liters worth....
SIL was a housekeeper in a hotel which got a lot of business through organized vacations. Tourists would get dropped off by a coach. The coach driver would get a room too. Well, she walked into one coach driver's room, and she found the bed thoroughly soaked with urine. On a bad day, a guy might pee close to half a liter of fluid. This guy must've peed like a full 2 liters worth. Must've had some serious distended bladder issue. It was soaked through to the bed frame and leaking onto the floor below.
They had to wrap the mattress and throw it out. GrammatonYHWH
Serial Killer Toys.
GiphyMy ex worked as cleaning staff at a crappy motel in Florida. A few years ago she found a bunch of those realistic looking baby dolls and a small pile of used condoms in the bathtub - all had been partially burned/melted. Ejgee
Traumatized....
I was a line cook at a hotel back in the day and I remember this poor maid came out of the service elevator screaming bloody murder. She was from Haiti and was praying and crying at the same time. Everyone is asking what is wrong but she was hysterical. We later found out she went in to turn down a room and found the guest in the tub with his wrists opened. Apparently there was blood everywhere and lots of it. Poor woman. She quit that day. Sirnando138
Days Out.
Had a friend that worked cleaning a Days Inn right off the interstate by a truck stop. She had some messed up stories. Most wrapped around bizarre places to find used condoms, like behind the TV or on the windowsill behind a curtain. She made it about 5 months. six_mpossible_things
The Aftermath.
I walked in to the aftermath of an attempted suicide. A man had slit his wrists and drank LOTS of vodka. We called the ambulance and they took him away, still alive. The mattress was purplish brown with blood and pee, it soaked right through 2 'waterproof' mattress covers. We didn't even try to wash the sheets and covers, just stuffed them in black trash bags and chucked em in the dumpster.
The hotel owners wanted to try to salvage the mattress, so we stood it up and sprayed it down with all sorts of disinfectants and let it air out, but no dice. They even had to remove the carpet in the room because it held onto the sick blood smell.
UPDATE: I just got home from another fun day at the same hotel. I scrubbed lots of vomit out of a bed skirt this afternoon. Thanks for everyone being so horrified/interested in my hotel tale. SallySmallpox
With Friends.
A couple of friends of mine had to clean a room here in town after a suicide. Guy blew his head off with a shotgun. Congealed blood, chunks of brain and bone.
For what it's worth, they successfully sued the owners of the motel afterwards, but I don't think the owners ever faced criminal charges for improperly disposing of biological material, which is crazy. Ashybuttons
Help our Vets.
Elderly Vietnam Veteran rented a room for the sole purpose of having a private space in which to commit suicide by overdosing on pills. His family found out a bout his plan and called the police, they arrived just in time to find him, and the room, covered in poop and vomit. He survived.
I was a scared young girl.
GiphyMy first 'real' job was stripping beds in a small motel at the age of 14. I would start a bit before the maids so that they just had to remake the beds. Easy enough job for a 14 year old.
One room was a stay over and I knocked on the door. Guy answered and I asked if he wanted service that day. He was in poop stained briefs. He said yes, he wanted service. I told him I just strip the beds and I could come back later with the maid and get it all done at once. He told me to just come in then and strip the bed and dirty towels out. So I did. When I went to leave I told him the maid would be to his room after a bit to give fresh towels and make the bed. He got angry and wanted me to make the bed right then.
Mind you there were nasty dirty underwear next to the bed and in the bathroom along with a ton of dirty magazines on the other bed.
I explained again that I don't make the beds, just strip the rooms. I was a scared young girl. He got angrier and I dipped out of the room fast to go talk to the head housekeeper. She was supposed to tell me that morning before I got started to stay away from that room and forgot to pass on that info. So since she screwed up she went with me and the maid and we had to make his bed and put in fresh towels while he was sitting there staring at us in his dirty nasty underwear. WyoGirl79
Hopefully someone isn't missing a kidney.
My Dad works in the hotel industry for a major chain and showed me pictures of what they thought was some sort of crime scene at first. The sheets were all bloody and stained and there was transfer on the sheets from a person of what looked like dotted lines of magic marker. They think someone used the room for a back-alley plastic surgery of some kind. The police were called, but I don't know what happened after that. Hopefully someone isn't missing a kidney. Herpmancer
College Days...
My college would rent out dorm rooms at a low cost and students could work as cleaning staff. I did it one year and decided it was not worth it. We had a baseball team stay at one of the dorms and they spit chewing tobacco and sun flower shells everywhere. You would lift the trash bag out of the can and it would have a puddle of chew spit at the bottom of the can. One of them also wrote Forget you in poop on the wall of the bathroom.
Edit: It was only during the summer not the full year. Protists
Meow.
GiphyNot a maid staff, but I once checked in at a small motel and was greeted by the feline employee when I entered my room. I thought that was cute until I saw the welcoming present she left on my pillow, a bloody dead bat. purplejackhammer26
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/
Men Who've Gotten A Vasectomy Share Their Experiences
Reddit user GaleNotTheWind asked: 'Men of Reddit who have gotten a vasectomy, what was your experience?'
According to the Cleveland Clinic, over 50 million men have had a vasectomy.
Although avoiding sexual intercourse is the only effective way to avoid pregnancy, the male birth control procedure still has a low failure rate.
Those who are apprehensive about having a vasectomy fear the following: pain, impact on sex life, effectiveness, and side effects like cancer. (The National Cancer Institute and the American Urological Association have found that the procedure does not increase the risk of prostate cancer).
To seek some reassurance, Redditor GaleNotTheWind asked:
"Men of Reddit who have gotten a vasectomy, what was your experience?"
Guys discuss what happened after the snipping.
Making Sure
"For the love of God, do the follow-up appointment. The last thing you want is to be accidentally playing with a loaded gun."
– sleepypanda59
Wise To Wait
"The paper work I got for mine which was done less than 2 weeks ago said that you could have sex 2-3 days after but... definitely said to wait another few days."
– SisterPhister666
Follow Post-Surgical Procedures Or Else
"Had it done twice while living in Japan no less. Why twice? The first one failed."
"... apparently, so did the second (says my now 6 year old daughter)."
– shoelessmarcelshell
These men found that the procedure itself wasn't a big deal.
Assurance
"I was super anxious, but I had a great procedure. I was more freaked out about the shot of numbing agent to the balls, but it was legit nothing to worry about."
Normal In No Time
"Little operation, blue balls and no wanking for a week, then back to normal but without getting anyone pregnant."
– Bright_Composer_3901
"Made the mistake of having a pop after a couple of days. Jesus, the regret."
– Alante
Best Money Ever Spent
"When I woke up after the anesthesia - yes I asked to be put under, best $55 (after insurance) I ever spent - the caffeine headache I had upon waking was the most painful part. The preoperative instructions were nothing but water the evening before, no water for 4 hours before going under. The Safeway brand cola that the angel aftercare nurse brought me was pure refreshment."
– HarrumphingDuck
Cherry On Top
"Local anesthesia stings for a second or two then all you can feel is tugging after all is done the pain I would describe is like blue balls for like 2 days tops. I took a week off work recommend by doctor since I’m a construction worker and the heavy lifting but I felt like after day 3 I was good to go. Cons: minor pain discomfort, no hanky panky until last semen sample came out clear. Pros: , no unplanned pregnancies(it’s still possible very rarely)."
– Secure_Requirement84
Some final thoughts.
Only Pros
"To me, the only bad part was the smell of the cauterization of my vas deferens.. the procedure was fine. Local anesthesia before and during just felt slight tugging no pain. Recovery was easy. No pain. No cons. Only pros. And if absolutely need be it’s reversible. Much easier and less invasive than a woman getting her tubes tied and significantly less harmful than birth control. I’m an advocate. Get it done!"
– PunchARacist
One Unsettling Thing
"For me, it wasn’t the smell but watching the little puffs of smoke during the cauterization. That was truly and deeply unsettling."
"Otherwise, yeah, nothing major to report. Stayed in bed for a day watching old horror movies and assembling a Lego plant. Pretty much business as usual after that."
– GuestCartographer
The One Constant
"Got a vasectomy, it worked. Got it reversed, that worked.... twice Got another vasectomy...17 years later, all good. Just go to a legit great Dr. I mean top of the field Dr. For ANY messsin around down there. Vasectomy is WAY easier now than 25-30 years ago. In/out in an hour... The only thing that hasn't changed? ... The bag of frozen peas ..😂"
– richwat00
Vasectomies are performed via two methods, the incision vasectomy or a no-scalpel vasectomy, and both use local anesthesia to numb the scrotum.
Always consult a healthcare provider before undergoing the procedure and–most importantly–make sure you don't want to have children or that you and your spouse don't want to add additional family members.
Based on the anecdotes above, there's nothing to fear, so feel free to man up and get to snipping.
The Scariest Yet Most Realistic Films About The Future Ever Made
I've always enjoyed a good scare on film and my Mother indulged my preferences as she also loved a good horror film.
While we thoroughly enjoyed a good Disney movie together, I was also allowed to watch Jaws, The Exorcist and The Omen before I was 10 years old.
Slashers and sci-fi frights were good, but to me the most effective scares involved nightmarish scenarios that might easily happen in the not so distant future.
For me, growing up Roman Catholic meant demonic possession and the AntiChrist were on the list of plausible fears.
But what films offered possible Hellscapes for others?
Reddit user beefgulash asked:
"What is the scariest—yet most realistic—future film ever made?"
Threads
"I thought that BBC’s nuclear holocaust Threads was much more terrifying and depressing than United States TV movie The Day After."
~No-Distance425
"Threads might genuinely be the most terrifying thing I’ve ever seen."
~ ThorCoolguy
Her
"Her. Everyone is so online that they lost the ability to make human connections, to the point where it's a business for the main character to write personal letters on behalf of others."
"So lonely, he easily falls in love with an AI and the only one who still feels real emotions, his ex wife (Rooney Mara), is treated like a crazy person."
"With everyone too online and severely lonely, we are practically living in that emotional dystopia now."
~ grandmofftalkin
Children of Men
"Children of Men. You want to know what makes it so scarily realistic?"
"Alfonso Cuaron deliberately shot scenes in East London and asked the production designers to make it 'more Mexican'—in other words, make it look even more run-down than it already was."
"Cuaron leaned in on his own experiences in growing up in Mexico and seeing everyday poverty to bring that to look and feel to a futuristic London. The future-London isn't a gleaming metropolis—it's a metropolis on the verge of collapse and giving up."
"The battle scenes weren't fantastical as so many sci-fi dystopian films often are: they're based on real, real conflicts. Cuaron was smart to include imagery from the then-current Iraq invasion and the atrocities committed in Abu Ghraib to jar the viewer's thoughts and attentions just long enough to make them feel queasy."
"The shots of illegal immigrants in cages were disturbing then—well, they should be f*cking frightening now. Cuaron and the production designers saturated that film with little visual snippets of then-current events and fictional future atrocities to make it a highly believable—and scary—world."
~ PureDeidBrilliant
Contagion
"Contagion—a movie about a coronavirus outbreak, that pre-dated COVID-19."
~ glrd1
"When I saw that movie in theaters, there was someone coughing a few rows behind. Like, big, wet, juicy coughs..."
"I hated that immersive movie experience."
~ only_bubble_sort
"The fast killing virus that spreads around the world was a bit unrealistic but man was it a trip watching this during lockdowns."
"I'd never heard of 'social distancing' until the pandemic and it and other pandemic facts of life coming out in the movie hit home."
~ Dmzm
A Scanner Darkly
"A Scanner Darkly. A large amount of the population have become drug addicts, the government enacts a total police state, and the addicts slowly descend into insanity, and eventually are put into rehab once their brains are fried.
"Once they are 'rehabed' (they are basically lobotomized, or brainwashed) they are sent to work on large corporate farms."
"The same corporations that own the rehabs, also own the farms, and they are also the ones growing the illicit drugs that cause the whole problem."
~ CmTrumpet
The Road
"The Road. I remember seeing the premiere of it at a film festival and the director and cast were there and all smiles and jokes and so happy to be there…and then the movie plunged all of us into pure despair for 2 hours."
~ Other-Marketing-6167
"I read the book multiple times before the movie came out."
"The movie makes your heart break, but the book destroys your soul and will to live for like a week after reading."
~ Some-Philly-Dude
WALL-E
"WALL-E. The fact that Pixar showed everyone a very real future Earth if we continue down the path we're on and nobody did anything about it speaks volumes. Everyone knows sh*t's f*cked."
"I'm rooting for the roomba with solar panels who gets outside after we've annihilated ourselves, enjoy fulfilling your set purpose lil' dude."
~ Shes_dead_Jim
Gattaca
"Gattaca. If you ever watch it again listen to how they talk about him and his 'condition'."
"It’s all 'could” and 'might' and 'possibly' and similar caveats."
"His only 'condition' was being a natural birth and not a designer baby."
~ pocket-friends
RoboCop
"RoboCop. Dude dies at work. Gets resurrected to continue working."
"Also the whole bit about corporations privatizing public services."
"Feels like we're gonna be there in a few years."
~ Gentleman_Jack90
Elysium
"Elysium strikes me as the most realistic, as far as the social structure."
"You have an ultra rich class, a mercenary type 'middle' class, and everyone else is fighting for the scraps."
~ Maliluma
"Sure seems like the logic extension of the widening global gap between a few ultra-wealthy and the rest of the population."
"The ultra-wealthy already are invested in space travel, colonizing Mars, island compounds and extreme longevity."
~ RichardBonham
Logan's Run
"Logan's Run, it's a bit of a cult classic."
"In the future, there are limited places for humans to live, so everyone has an 'expiration date' regardless of how healthy they are."
"Everyone has to die before a certain age. I won't spoil it in case anyone wants to see it."
"It's an old school sci-fi movie that I have loved since I was a kid."
~ macmac360
12 Monkeys
"No one mentioned 12 Monkeys yet?"
"Found it super realistic and scary."
~ mrs_anouk
Soylent Green
"Soylent Green solves both problems of overpopulation and food scarcity.... so, maybe it will happen."
"I just hope they think of 3rd Degree Burn Scorchin' Habanero Soylent Green when they do it."
~ ketchuptheclown
Metropolis
"Metropolis. Complete masterpiece in my opinion."
~ CaptianOfCows
Idiocracy
"Idiocracy."
~ BrilliantlyClueless
"I like to believe that somewhere in that world a pocket of smart people retreated to someplace isolated like New Zealand and persisted."
~ notapunk
Zombies! 🧟♂️🧟♀️🧟
Personally, I love zombie movies based on the concept from George A. Romero's classic Night Of The Living Dead.
Zombies existed in myths and legends before Romero's film, but not in the way they do now in popular culture.
Romero's movies also always included social commentary on economic inequality, racism and the ills of unbridled capitalism.
To me zombie films show how people would react in a viral health crisis and our recent pandemic made them all the more real.
So what movies do you think are scary because they're too real?
The Worst Reasons Cheaters Have Given To Justify Their Infidelity
Infidelity in marriages isn't as widespread as people think. While some cynics would have us believe faithful partners are scarce, they account for over 4 out of 5 spouses.
Still, 16% of married couples in the United States admitted to being unfaithful at some point in their marriage.
And 57% of divorces were due to cheating.
In marriages where infidelity occurs, but doesn't result in divorce, the loss of trust is still a problem. It can make emotional and physical intimacy challenging.
So why do people cheat instead of ending their relationship before moving on?
Reddit user littlehoneybear2104 asked:
"What is the worst reason you've heard for cheating on someone?"
What's Old Is New Again
"He wanted to try something new."
"He cheated on me with his ex."
~ meeez80
GiphyPreemptive Strike
"Just in case he would ever cheat on me, I cheated first, so it's his fault for possibly cheating on me in the first place."
~ Competitive_Bat4986
Mission Accomplished
"To have a reason to end the relationship."
~ chewie_33
Tough Enough
"He said I'm strong and I can handle it."
"Like WTF? Does that give someone a free pass just to cheat?"
"Like we ain't tolerating that too. Done with that person."
~ drn-07
GiphyDream On
"Ex cheated on me because I cheated on her in a dream shehad and she was sure it was a sign that I was unfaithful in real life."
~ Craigothy-YeOldeLord
Oops!
"It was an accident."
"Yeah, 'I tripped and fell into her vagina' sounds legit."
~ dabbad525
GiphyGrow Up
"You didn’t show me enough attention the past few years! You didn’t take me anywhere! I’m the baby in my family, I need attention!”
"I worked 3 jobs, played with the kids, and finished a degree… during COVID while EVERYWHERE was closed."
~ hephaestus1219
Lockdown
"I was together with her for 14 years, married for 6 and this dipsh*t said we stagnated for a year during COVID because we didn’t go out anywhere...because she was deathly afraid of COVID."
"Some people are so pathetically stupid."
~ Virgin_nerd
GiphyUnsupervised
"My best friend in high school/college claimed it was my fault she cheated on her boyfriend because I left them in the room alone together with the she cheated with."
~ Smart_Form_9569
Too Perfect?
"My ex said it was because I was 'too perfect' and that he couldn't live up to the standard I had set by being who I was."
~ MarvelousShiggyDiggy
Trauma Response
"My cousin’s ex said she felt she had to hook up with the guy working the front register at Walgreens because of the events of 9-11."
"I’m not even kidding. This was on 9-11."
"She apparently was so upset she staggered into Walgreens and fell on the first guy she saw."
~ Big_Psychology_4210
In The Stars
"My ex cheated on me because 'August has new energy'—something to do with astrology. And yes, I mean the month August, not someone named August."
~ Frog-Thing
Giphy*yawn* 🥱
"The relationship just got boring"
"Their marriage seemed perfect inside and out, except she got bored of being a wife and mother."
"She tried fighting for the marriage after her affair partner died of a heart attack and husband called her out on her bullsh*t."
~ DevilinDeTales
Some people aren't meant for commitment, but that should be something they disclose to their partners before they cheat.
It would avoid a lot of wasted time and heartbreak.
When it comes to flirting, everyone has their preferences of how they like to be flirted with. Some people like cleverly crafted pickup lines.
I always thought pickup lines were a cheap way to get someone's attention. That being said, there are some good ones out there. I've been on the receiving end of both. "On a scale from one to America, how free are you tonight?" and, "You must be the square root of two because I feel irrational around you."
Both got me to engage in conversation, and I even dated the guy who used the first one for a while.
I'm not the only one that knows some good pickup lines. Redditors have both heard and used some pickup lines and are eager to share their favorites.
It all started when Redditor Sauce_Dealer420 asked:
"What's the best pickup line of all time?"
Read It And See
"You put the sexy in dyslexic."
– koookyko
"This made me laugh so hard."
"Because I can read properly."
– TappedIn2111
I'm Hooked
"This girl I used to work with and I went to a bar after work and we’re having fun, and she leans over to tell me a joke. And she says:"
"Three boy mice and a girl mouse were all stuck in a room with no doors and no windows. One of the boy mice asked the girl mouse how to get out and she said, “Sleep with me tonight, and I’ll tell you in the morning.""
"The next day, he is gone. The second boy mouse asks the girl mouse how he got out and she says, “Sleep with me tonight, and I’ll tell you in the morning.""
"Next day, he’s gone too."
"So now the girl telling me this joke says to me, “Do you want to know how the last mouse gets out of the box?”
"And I say “yes.""
"And she says, “Sleep with ME tonight, and I’ll tell you in the morning”. All this while staring me in the eyes and smiling."
"I said, “Check please bartender!!""
"I forgot to ask her in the morning, but that was the best pickup line I’ve ever heard."
– reb678
Statistics
"The odds we sleep together are 50% because half of us agree so far."
– AlfheimKitteh
"Math is always super sexy."
– Acceptable-News-6811
Money, Money, Money
"Hey girl, are you the English financial system? Because I'm about to give you a weak pound."
– onemanwolfpack21
"Yo girl, do you know exchange rates? Because Euro 10."
– kkirchhoff
Winner, Winner
""Are you a magician? Cuz every time I look at you, everyone else disappears.""
"This line got me a wife and three kids. 😊"
– PRSHZ
One Liners
"Are you a beaver? Cuz damn."
– Starry_Night-
"If you were a fruit you'd be a fineapple."
– Slainna
"Hi, do you want to go for a ride on a Harley?"
"(My name is Harley) 😁"
– OMNIxvTRIX
No Losers
"If I asked you for a date would the answer to that question be the same as the answer to this question?"
– SchemePale6222
"I got blue screen in my head."
"Explain please."
– TastyToothpasta
"You can't lose. Say no, the answer is yes. Say yes, the answer is also yes."
"Dang sounds kinda creepy writing it out like that. Still clever wordplay though."
– Steeze_Schralper6968
Clever
"My go-to was always:"
"I used to be a history teacher, so I know lots of important dates. Want to help me make another one?"
"A little corny, but it usually worked."
– StuffToday
Refreshing
"That one actually worked with my ex on the first try."
"-Hey, do you like water?"
"-Yes."
"-Then you like me in 70% already."
– azurskyy
Sneaky
"Would you date a complete stranger?"
"If she says “yes” you’re in."
If she says “no.”
“Then allow me to introduce myself.”"
– Blastspark01
Playing Coy
"Once a girl came to me and told there was somebody who thought I was cute."
"I asked her who and she said “Me.""
– evil_boy4life
Prop Lines
"You have to have a handful of limes available to do this:"
"Hold the limes, drop the limes in front of the lucky person. Then say 'Sorry, I'm not very good at pick up limes.'"
– cannibalcats
Egg-cellent
"Best one that worked for me was:"
"Me: How do you like your eggs?"
"Her: Over easy, why?"
"Me: Just making sure I have things right for when I make you breakfast in the morning."
– Radiant_Boss4342
The Best Line
"How you doin?"
– 2x4x93
"There was a time when this was the ONLY line you could use!"
– JohnsLong_Silver
That line would definitely work on me!