It's healthy to acknowledge and accept our faults, though it's easy to take it too far into the depths of self-doubt. For me, it's believing that kindness is feigned and that I don't deserve to be happy. It's a struggle, and I know it harms my ability for form healthy relationships.
pakupaku9 asked self-aware Redditors: What's an absolute turn off about your own personality that you're aware of but can't help?
Submissions have been edited for clarity, context, and profanity.
Thinking you annoy everyone.
I'm worried way too often that I'm annoying or bothering people and end up apologizing for it, which then ACTUALLY makes me annoying. It's a vicious cycle.
My friends will ask me if I want to hang out and 9 out of 10 times I ask "Do YOU want to hang out? We don't have to if you don't want to." F*** I'm annoying.
I relate to this too much for my liking.
Having a really expressive face.
My face gives away exactly what I'm thinking.
I feel you. If I don't like someone / something the other person and the people around me WILL notice.
Never. Play. Poker! I feel you. If I don't like someone / something the other person and the people around me WILL notice.
Never. Play. Poker!
Being that person who yells when they're excited.
When I get excited about something, I get loud as f***.
I don't mean to yell or am even aware that my volume went up that much.
My dad does that, and we've gotten in the really obnoxious habit of shushing him or telling him to bring it down. My husband called me out on it one time when I absent mindedly did it to him and I realized how rude it is.
I totally understand people not wanting me to shout, but when people shush me (like family who do it out of habit), I feel so bad. I usually just stop talking about the thing I was talking about, for fear of getting loud again.
Habitual one-uppers.
I interrupt people at the tail end of their stories and bring up my similar experiences in a way that can come off as one upping when really I don't have anything to add and just don't want to say nothing. But I've gotten much better with that. I still do have a tendency to interrupt and notice I'm doing it every time which leads to lots of awkward apologies at the end of a conversation.
I use to do this a lot, most of the time I'm just so excited that I've had a similar experience that I can't wait to tell the person. As I've gotten older I've realized most experience aren't terribly unique and started to vet the stories I want to tell better and almost always wait until the person is finished.
On the off chance I did cut someone off, instead of waiting for a lull or starting to apologize I try to finish my story with a follow up question to the person initially telling the story.
The trick is to not care how people feel about you.
I want people to like me. And think of 100 reasons why they don't when I don't feel a connection. I basically can't just chill without thinking the worst.
I think of every negative possibility, everything I did wrong in an interaction , and I dwell on it till I depress the hell out of myself. Due to this I need constant reassurance of things to the point I'm sure I drive people I care about nuts.
I never take kindness as genuine and always assume I'm being used, and then have to weigh how much am I worth to myself versus how much I'm willing to be used.
I know I've gone off track, but I feel it all tied together a bit.
Sounds like a mastery of facetiousness .
Im pretty sarcastic, but I'm a pretty monotone person so people tend to think I'm being serious at times where I'm really not.
It's sucks because I find my sense of humor hilarious and usually make jokes because I find them funny. But they come off to other people as me being clueless when I'm just being sarcastic.
Me too. Everything is a joke, but no one knows! I just recently found out. Explains a lot!
Turning into mom.
I turn into my mother and smother people. I realize I'm doing it, but I can't seem to stop myself.
For example: "Oh, you're going out? Don't forget your coat."
"You should get to bed soon if need to be up early."
"Did you get something to eat? You should grab a bite."
A friend once looked me in the eye and said, "Hey, I'm an adult. I'm quite able to make all my own decisions, and pay the consequence for those decisions." Ouch. That one stung a bit. But it all comes from a good place.
Oh I have a friend like that! I love her at lot but the smothering does get annoying sometimes. That one time I tried to fill a plastic bottle on a public fountain. And I fidgeted a bit before I got the bottle in the right position. She, having as little experience as I had, took the bottle out of my hand and did it herself. :D
My issue goes the other way. Anytime I see someone struggling with something, I kinda just stare and smile. It's really weird, as if I have distanced myself from reality so much that I don't realize I have the power to help out.
Being super needy.
I constantly need to be assured that the person is into me. I have abandonment issues that have made me quite insecure.
Looking for opinions, where's the line on this? Would it be unreasonable to want that sort of affirmation once a week or so? Once a month? At what point does it become ok to start worrying? Asking for a friend...
Once every few days saying you like someone seems okay. My girlfriend makes a point of telling me she likes me every few days despite our incessant sarcasm about totally hating each other.
That sounds nice. I haven't gotten a spontaneous "I love you" or even an "I enjoy your company" in a few months. Not sure exactly how long. Might be time to move on.
Not being able to accept praise.
I am sh*t at receiving compliments because i don't like myself and always feel like i could do better even though i do nothing. Can make me sound arrogant or condescending when someone compliments me and i reject it or just passively ignore it.
Just say "thank you" with a smile that you're thankful for what they said but not a big grin where your self esteem depends on their compliment
I have trouble receiving compliments and will always immediately and without thinking come up with a reason why the compliment isn't valid and my work is crap. I'm trying to just accept them graciously because I realize my usual response makes us both look bad.
Don't we all.
I feel really awkward making eye contact and talking about my feelings.
I relate way too much to this.
I have been asked so many times if I am on the autism spectrum. I am not, but I absolutely hate making eye contact while conversing with people. Just find it awkward & when I try to, it just turns into a staring contest. All these questions start popping in my head then
"How often should I blink my eyes/ should I coordinate my blinking with theirs"
"How long should I keep the eye contact"
"Should I be the one to avert my eyes or should I wait for them to look away"
& then I get anxious about the actual topic of the conversation because I am not paying all my attention to what they're saying.
Edit: I am in the medical field so most everyone who notices my social awkwardness tries to guess what's wrong with me. Bitches love diagnosing!
Just think of eye contact as being the physical punctuation in a conversation. Look them in the eye, only for about 2-3 seconds at a time, when the following is happening: you agree with them, or smile in response to something they say, or you ask a question, or they are making their main point. Then let your gaze drop. If your body language still says 'I'm listening ' (an occasional nod, head tilt) it's okay not to be staring them in the eye - that's normal, and more comfortable for them also. Always make and hold eye contact at the end of your conversation when you close. 'It's been nice talking to you, hopefully I'll see you around'. Smile. Move away. Conversation successfully completed without anyone going away feeling weirded out.
My father instilled eye contact into me and my sibling to the point where we would make eye contact with people passing by us. Over the years I've learned to keep eye contact but to sometimes look over their shoulders behind them. It's not perfect as sometimes they think there something behind them but besides that it works pretty well and it helps form q more intimate bond between me and said person. And not a kind of intimate as in relation but rather it assures them that I'm listening to them. So yeah, eye contact is important
Case in point...
Redditor rallfreedom wanted us to update Santa's deliveries for the children on the naughty list, they asked:
"Since Santa is old, and coal was considered worthless back in the day, what new worthless item could Santa give to naughty children in 2021?"
If you really wanted to set me off on Christmas morning, then you should leave me something personalized. Something you how I'd hate. Like a cassette tape of 80's Christian soft rock. That would make a statement of just how naughty I've been.
What a Difference
Blockbuster GIF by Big Potato GamesGiphy"Blockbuster gift cards." ~ GamerOfGods33
"And still no one will shop at the one franchise location still open." ~ pesto_trap_god
Discs
"AOL Internet discs... (actually getting rare these days)." ~ whorton59
"After collecting enough of those AOL discs, I just open a bottle of Tennessee whiskey and make AOL disc fish wall art." ~ ExRockstar
"I wish I still had the picture, but my friend passed onto me a photo of a chair (more like a throne, if I recall) made entirely of AOL discs." ~ PM_MeYourSmilingFace
Discharge
"Outdated phone chargers." ~ TheBrotherhoods
"A correct phone charger for the device, but it only works in one very specific angle and charges the phone super slow." ~ Karl_the_stingray
"People rave about how good old Nokias were but they forget that if you went up a version like you got upgraded to a 3310 from a 3210 then all your chargers were now something like 0.25mm too small and you had to buy all new ones." ~ erroneousbosh
Interpretations...
"We currently misinterpreted what 'naughty kids get coal' originally meant. For a poor family in December, coal was the difference between warmth and freezing, hot food and not. 'Coal' was not something mean. It was like socks, now." ~ adaza
"Exactly. If the child was selfless, they would get a personal gift as a reward. If the child was selfish, they instead would get a gift to be shared with the family, forcing them to be more altruistic." ~ MoobyTheGoldenSock
Necessities...
toilet paper help GIFGiphy"Toilet paper. Just like coal, it's something the whole house needs and will use but is going to be bought anyway. It's also consumable and practical just like coal." ~ NeverGetaSpaceship
I could still use toilet paper. You never know when society is gonna go off into the deep end again and buy it all up. Remember the beginning of Covid?
Spin
fidget GIF by Future GenerationsGiphy"Idk why but I feel like fidget spinners would be pretty infuriating to the masses of children as something that still counts as a gift but is for sure a let down & past trend." ~ mmaster42
Way back when...
"An "Introduction to Windows 95" book." ~ Actual_grass
"There's one of those package shipping stores near me that sells all kinds of miscellaneous stuff. Anything to make a buck. They have a carousel stand with laminated sheets containing tips on how to use various computer programs. Still for sale as of last week: 'Shortcut keys for Windows XP' and 'Tips for using Microsoft Word 2010.'" ~ dartdoug
All Yours...
"He could give kids one of the old cables that was collected over the years but wasn't thrown away because it could need it at some point." ~ CaptWeirdBeard
"I have a tupperware tote full of those things. I'll sell it to Santa for scap value of the copper. You hear that Santa? $5 and it's all yours." ~ GreatJanitor
Dial Up
"A rotary phone." ~ cannotbefaded
"My Grandma had a rotary phone she kept(still worked so why not) as well as having a cordless phone. Had a relative that wanted to use the rotary phone the one time just to use it instead, decided they didn't want to do that again." ~ golden_fli
"Okay, I actually like rotary phones. I was young enough to remember using rotary phones and preferred using them to touch tone phones. Only because it was fun to spin the dial and watch it spin back into place." ~ GreatJanitor
So close...
ronald mcdonald mcdonalds GIFGiphy"McDonald's toys from 2 years ago. Old enough to not be popular trends, but new enough to not be collector's items." ~ GavinSnowe
McDonald's still has toys? Who knew? And those fidget spinners, how did anyone ever enjoy those? That would set me off as well.
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They say your 30's hits different, like one day you're young a hopeful and the next day you're just WAY too old for this.
What is the "this" you're suddenly too old for?
No idea. It's different for everyone, but make no mistake, it'll happen to you too.
Maybe it already has?
Reddit user BMA1500 asked:
"What sh*t are you too old for?"
Let's take a look at how "too old" hit these Reddit users.
Internet Arguments
"Arguing with ignorant people on the internet."
- Brundleflyftw
"Amen!"
"I have no patience or bandwidth to argue with random a-holes on social. Learned that lesson a long time ago."
"Too many fakes and bots now anyway. I am pretty much a 'read only' user of other platforms and only share opinions in person on polarizing issues."
- grumpybaldguy
Games
"Petty games while talking to a potential partner."
"Just be straight up and real with me. Tricks are for kids."
- Squanch42069
"I've always felt this way."
"I remember when one of my girls explained the concept of 'playing hard to get' to me and I was annoyed just hearing it."
"If I have to chase you, that means you’re running away, and I don’t have time for that. If you seem uninterested, I’ll take it on the chin and leave you alone."
"If you like me just say that. If you don’t like me just say that. It’s not hard and moves the process along much faster."
"If you text me and I’m free, I’m going to text back. I’m not going to wait three hours for aesthetic purposes."
"The list goes on."
- -helpwanted
GiphyCut That Out
"This sounds like some Instagram motivational sh*t, but spending time around people that I genuinely don't like or who make me unhappy and uncomfortable."
"There's so short of a time we have on this Earth and it just hit me right before I turned 30 that I spent a ton of that time with people who I thought sucked."
"I cut that out and I'm much happier."
- PrairieBunny91
"BOOM!"
"I realized this at my cousins wedding. I had a family member walk up to me flat out call me ugly, fat and say that I wasn’t the “good” family guy anymore."
"What!?!? Why would you even say that?? And they said it with a smile on their face the whole time..."
"After that night I haven’t spoken to them in 2 years and I’m super happy! I’m too f*cking old to be dealing with that nonsense for the rest of my life."
- MuffinTrucker
GiphyExistential Crisis
"Drinking heavily."
"It takes days to recover now, and most bad hangovers come with an existential crisis attached."
- TheOptimumLemon
"Same."
"When I was young I remember times I'd have a day off from work and be like 'Hell yeah, I'm gonna get trashed and play video games all night it's gonna be great!' "
"Now it's like "Great, I'm 3 drinks in and I'm just tired & have heart burn.' "
"It's not the same."
- dont_panic21
"I used to work 12-9pm, party the entire night. And then be back to work like a pro."
"If this was a Friday, partying used to resume Saturday afternoon. That was my early 20s."
"In my 30s now, and I wait for Fridays so that I can be dead on my bed the entire Saturday."
- youngOldMonk
"The existential crisis is the worst. Just lying there wondering what the hell you are doing with your life, what came to this and when you are going to grow out of it."
"Then it passes and life goes on."
- Noggin-a-Floggin
GiphyNothing "General"
"General admission tickets. My old ass requires a reserved seat."
- sunflakie
"Hahaha… last gen admission show I went to I had to find a 'comfortable' wall to lean on."
- jmmorart317
"When it comes to music festivals, the wife and I go for VIP just so we can get fancier washrooms and shorter lines at the food trucks."
- VanillaGorilla
"I agree but, man, it makes feel like I’m a spectator at at a concert and not part of the real party down on the floor."
- MudIsland
GiphyAsk Yourself
"Facebook."
"There comes an age when you have to consider... 'Do I really care what kind of clickbait sh*t my high school friends who I never talk to and never will see, likes?' "
"I only had Facebook because it helped with socializing in college/high school, but afterwards it's really hard to want to add new friends because they can see your history, and you can too."
- chupalaw
"Honestly, the only reason why I have a Facebook is because I still have my mom as my friend and she passed 4 years ago."
"Every time I go on there, I'm tired now."
- mxnstrs
"I deleted Facebook three years ago."
"Found out all my Marine Corps buddies were either total idiots, painfully stereotypical post-9/11 veterans, ill-informed political junkies, and mostly people I haven't had anything to do with in years."
- combativewaifu
GiphyMoving
"Moving or helping other people move. Just no."
- Hasenpfeffer_
"I've moved a lot of times and have helped many people move."
"One of the best decisions I've ever made was hiring movers. 300 bucks for the big stuff is money extremely well spent."
- aigheadish
"I've broken my body helping people move because I'm the 'young and strong guy' in the friend group. Way too many times now. F*ck that sh*t, hire movers."
- Disastrous_Budget_11
"I can agree with this."
"I used to work as a mover for a couple summers and I don't even want to move myself lmao."
- bigelmn8r
GiphyNot The Cool Old Guy
"Tik Tok."
"I told myself when I get older I need to be open minded and not the close minded grumpy old man..."
"Then I see all these obviously staged videos and corny dancing/lip syncing stuff and realize it’s inevitable I am not gonna be the cool old guy."
- traws06
"I have this exact same process with TikTok."
"I think to myself, 'I’m really the bitter old woman I said I would never be, aren’t I?' Lol"
- moothemost
"I’ve downloaded TikTok at least 3 times and deleted it almost immediately."
"I am drawing a line at TikTok. I’m old."
- theslother
GiphySince We're Talking About TikTok...
"When Macy's Thanksgiving Parade performers are introduced as "TikTok sensation" without any other credentials worth mentioning."
- Foxhound199
"I think the only performer I knew yesterday was Kelly Rowland because of Destiny’s Child."
"My google search history is full of my confusion."
- independencedaffodil
"Oh man I’m so glad we missed the parade then. Maybe I’m just too old but that would’ve been cringe."
- takeoutthewitch
GiphyWhy Are We Screaming?
"People (mainly young girls) who scream for no reason."
"I understand if you're terrified of something, but screaming when you meet up with your friends or just when the situation does not call for it makes me SO mad. I find it so infuriating."
"Just shut up. Lol."
- CatReal7672
"My kids learned a very long time ago not to scream like that. I hate excessive loud noise in any environment, but it’s especially nerve wracking in close quarters."
"My Mother-in-Law will have a dinner every so often for the family to get together. My husbands brother’s kids are so freaking annoying like this."
"We’re having pizza? Scream."
"We’re baking cookies? Scream."
"Someone found you in hide and seek? Scream."
- bluegrassmommy
"I’ve been too old for that since I was 6. Shit was ALWAYS annoying."
- Zombifi3r
GiphyReal talk, apparently I'm *very* old going by the stuff on this list.
I'm gonna need to go sit with that for a bit... let me go turn on the seat warmer so my bones aren't stiff when I stand up later.
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