Love is rough y'all. That is a truth we need to own up to. In fact that is ALL the truth we need. Hear it. Embrace it. And use it. Love is not a fairytale... and that's ok. The movies and books lie to us. Now music has always been a pretty solid barometer; Adele, Beyonce and Taylor have always let us know what is what when it comes to amour. Love takes work and we need to adjust to that, But so many people don't want to hear about it.
Redditor u/AsontiRelay wanted everyone to get ready to swallow some hard truths about matters of the heart... take a deep breath... it was asked... What's are some 'hard to swallow pills' about relationships?If you're looking for success in love, not listening is not an option. So grab a glass of water or vodka and get ready for some big swallows. Two people or three or more committing and living in a relationship is a recipe for disaster, so it's all about averting the iceberg. And as long as you're willing you can navigate.
Speak Up
Putting off ending things for fear of hurting someones feelings is the worst possible idea.
If the relationship isn't right and you know you don't want to be together then sparing someone's feelings in the short term only leads to more pain later down the line. Be honest and front the horrible conversation.
Value
Not everyone will value your relationship like you do. It's VERY important to make sure you both have the same expectations and values; otherwise like two unequally yoked animals, you will continue to walk in circles over the same ground.
Keep the Circle...
Keeping your friends and hobbies is also good for the health of the relationship, not just in case it fails. It puts less pressure on the relationship to entertain and keep you happy, gives you space, a broader focus and interesting things to talk about. It also helps you be you, who is the person your partner fell for in the first place!
I see Me...
ichabod crane mirror GIFGiphyLosing your identity within a relationship is easy to do. Finding it again isn't. Remember to keep your friends and hobbies.
After my last relationship ended I felt guilty for not hurting. I was kind of happy, back in my garage, working on cars with my friends, took a few road trips, my phone was quiet. Crap was cool.
People Share The 'Dirty Secrets' That Their Bosses Don't Want Customers To Know
There's a lot businesses hope their customers believe, and there are many business practices you wouldn't dare believe. These are some of the secrets Reddit ...After Her...
I just got dumped by my ex. I couldn't do anything I liked. I couldn't watch the newest pixar or disney movie, play video games or even watch sports. We had to do what she wanted and it got to a point where I was always upset and direct with her and she would never care enough. I also wasn't allowed to talk to my female best friend because we are both nerdy and discussed nerdy things.
It bothered my ex to death that I never talked about nerd passions to her but any time I tried she told me that she didn't care. If it wasn't about her or something we shared in common then she never made an effort to talk to me about it.
See there? That is all a ton of solid advice. As someone who has been single for a decade, I wish I had had a thread like this to read, or I could've listened to my therapists more intently. Oh well, time has passed. In my last entanglement I remember thinking... "But he's just suppose to know all this already. It's Love." Yeah, that didn't work so great. Allow some elaboration.
50!
At a certain point, you have to accept some particular negative parts of your partners personality or move on.
My husband is almost 50. We've been married for over 20 years. While he will continue to experience personal growth, there are parts of his personality that are likely to not ever change. The same is true for myself, of course.
Ups & Downs
The ebb and flow of it all.
As a teen you chase the butterflies high of relationships. As an adult you have to learn that as your hormones settle, you need settle too and not constantly be seeking the highs and creating conflict to achieve them. Even though the highs are addicting. You need to learn to be good with the chill times.. The comfort. The ease. Don't lose the butterflies completely, of course.. But don't create them with negative behavior.
Create them by pulling your partner in for a long passionate kiss instead of the normal goodbye or hello peck. Or by planning a date or a fun new activity to experience together. Keep each other on your toes in a good way. But be ok when things are just as so.
Stay Sane...
crazy in love dancing GIFGiphyEventually love is not being "crazy in love" all the time.
People not realizing this is a huge cause for divorce I believe. After the first year or two, things settle down and become normal. That's okay. A deeper love will form, but it's not going to be the crazy passionate puppy dog love it was at first. Things evolve and change.
You Knew Boo!
My husband and I have a saying "You knew what you were getting into." When one of us starts getting annoyed with something that is just a fundamental part of who we are our response is always "You knew what you were getting into." Again, we are always trying to grow, but when my husband gets mad that I am not good at cleaning/housekeeping or I get annoyed that he goes overboard with planning for the future we can remind each other that this is who we always have been.
It's a Drama not a Comedy...
Once you get beyond the initial lust/heart-fluttery part of a romantic relationship, you begin to realize that love looks a lot different than the rom-com movies. It's not embracing in the pouring rain, kissing under the Eiffel Tower, trying to board the plane to convince them not to go.
It's handing them a box of Cheez-its when they get home from a 12 hour shift and are too exhausted to move. It's driving them to the airport at 3 a.m. for their dream job interview. It's managing their prescriptions when they get too sick to do it themselves.
Relationships are often unglamorous and while a committed relationship can be very rewarding, there's more to it than you and your hot partner canoodling and going on trips for the rest of your lives. Relationships can take a lot of work, some of it that you will never see coming in the early days.
Lose Real Housewives GIFbeyond fantasy...
When you decide to commit to your person, you are sacrificing your fantasy of being with them.
In the crushing or beginning stages of a relationship, we are idealizing them as more perfect than they are. But we all have our faults, and in choosing to be together we are met with reality vs. fantasy.
(From The Fundamentalists podcast titled Engagement).
"magical moments"
A lot of it is boring. The "magical moments" and massive "I love you so much posts" on social media are like 2% of the time. A majority of a relationship is just everyday living. Your idea of a perfect relationship is the small sliver of it that tv, movies, and social media have led you to believe. You gotta look forward to sitting on the couch in sweatpants after eating so much stir fry you're both farting non stop.
Love isn't All
Just because you love someone doesn't mean you should be with them. A relationship needs more than love.
A person I know really needs to hear this. They insisted too much on being in something with me when I told them that it wasn't going to work (we wanted opposite types of relationships) that in the end it all ended pretty bad. Some people just think that love is going to make things magically work, without even considering that sometimes people that love each other are just incompatible to be together.
Be Nice
Your partner should be kind to you and vice versa. It's not okay for your partner to scream at you or curse you out or deliberately hurt your feelings. This isn't to say that it never ever happens, we all are human and occasionally we mess up. But if they are not consistently kind to you, if they aren't sorry when they are mean, and if they repeat it then that's a problem.
If you wouldn't accept the behavior from a friend then you absolutely should not accept it from a partner. The idea that it's normal for your partner to be mean to you is so freaking bad and I've seen way too many people accept crappy relationships because they think love means never having to say sorry and that getting screamed at is acceptable.
Too Much Mess
fixer upper GIF by HGTV CanadaGiphy"Fixer-upper," relationships often lead to disaster.
Also having children to fix your relationship: terrible idea. Just don't. Human up and fix your issues, don't drag a bandaid baby into it.
Halves...
You can't look for someone else to be your "other half", you have to learn how to be a whole person on your own. This means being able to take care of your own emotional needs, too.
Underrated comment here. You can't be responsible for someone else's happiness. My wife and I enhance each other's joy.
Example. She loves going to concerts and often my schedule means I can't go or occasionally the tickets are expensive and it's someone I'm not a big fan of so she goes without me. But if I can I go and if the tickets are cheap even if I'm not a fan I go. She likes it when I'm there and says it's better but she still has fun without me.
In a good relationship you help lessen the bad and increase the good.
Karma is Coming
They aren't going to magically know you're upset with them. They aren't going to read your passive-aggressive signs. They aren't going to pick up on that.
Be direct. If you are upset, talk to your partner about it. Not your friends. Not you parents. Not strangers on the internet - your partner.
edit : wtf this legit doubled my karma??? thank you all so much.
Watch Scrubs
Not all arguments are worth having.
Yes, communication is extremely important and key to a healthy relationship... but so is triaging the things you nit-pick.
People online will try to make you believe that every little thing needs to be addressed and, if you don't want to address it, you're living a lie... but those people are either 1) in a complete fantasy relationship, or 2) have never been in a meaningful one.
I usually refer to the Scrubs episode with Mandy Moore we an example for people struggling with this concept.
Give and Take
True Love Relationships GIF by Nat Geo WildGiphyIt takes two to be in a relationship. If one person is putting in all the effort and the other isn't, it's eventually all going to fall apart when the one who is giving the effort stops. Great relationships are mutual.
Signs
"When you look at someone with rose-colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags."
It's easy to dismiss toxic characteristics because of love. Sometimes you won't get that clarity until you're a safe distance away.
Yuuup. It took me leaving the relationship and a doubling/tripling down of the behavior on his part while he was in the process of collecting his things after moving out for me to realise my most recent ex was emotionally abusive. And the more I move on and examine my memories and the trauma, the more obvious the patterns are that were there all along.
Love is beautiful, but it's also another full time job. Nobody tells you that so allow me to. It's worth it though. With the right person.
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Experiencing death is a fascinating and frightening idea.
Who doesn't want to know what is waiting for us on the other side?
But so many of us want to know and then come back and live a little longer.
It would be so great to be sure there is something else.
But the whole dying part is not that great, so we'll have to rely on other people's accounts.
Redditor AlaskaStiletto wanted to hear from everyone who has returned to life, so they asked:
"Redditors who have 'died' and come back to life, what did you see?"
Sensations
Happy Good Vibes GIF by Major League SoccerGiphy"My dad's heart stopped when he had a heart attack and he had to be brought back to life. He kept the paper copy of the heart monitor which shows he flatlined. He said he felt an overwhelming sensation of peace, like nothing he had felt before."
PeachesnPain
Recovery
"I had surgical complications in 2010 that caused a great deal of blood loss. As a result, I had extremely low blood pressure and could barely stay awake. I remember feeling like I was surrounded by loved ones who had passed. They were in a circle around me and I knew they were there to guide me onwards. I told them I was not ready to go because my kids needed me and I came back."
"My nurse later said she was afraid she’d find me dead every time she came into the room."
"It took months, and blood transfusions, but I recovered."
good_golly99
Take Me Back
"Overwhelming peace and happiness. A bright airy and floating feeling. I live a very stressful life. Imagine finding out the person you have had a crush on reveals they have the same feelings for you and then you win the lotto later that day - that was the feeling I had."
"I never feared death afterward and am relieved when I hear of people dying after suffering from an illness."
rayrayrayray
Free
The Light Minnie GIF by (G)I-DLEGiphy"I had a heart surgery with near-death experience, for me at least (well the possibility that those effects are caused by morphine is also there) I just saw black and nothing else but it was warm and I had such inner peace, its weird as I sometimes still think about it and wish this feeling of being so light and free again."
TooReDTooHigh
This is why I hate surgery.
You just never know.
Shocked
Giphy"More of a near-death experience. I was electrocuted. I felt like I was in a deep hole looking straight up in the sky. My life flashed before me. Felt sad for my family, but I had a deep sense of peace."
Admirable_Buyer6528
The SOB
"Nursing in the ICU, we’ve had people try to die on us many times during the years, some successfully. One guy stood out to me. His heart stopped. We called a code, are working on him, and suddenly he comes to. We hadn’t vented him yet, so he was able to talk, and he started screaming, 'Don’t let them take me, don’t let them take me, they are coming,' he was scared and yelling."
"Then he yelled a little more, as we tried to calm him down, he screamed, 'No, No,' and gestured towards the end of the bed, and died again. We didn’t get him back. It was seriously creepy. We called his son to tell him the news, and the son said basically, 'Good, he was an SOB.'”
1-cupcake-at-a-time
Colors
"My sister died and said it was extremely peaceful. She said it was very loud like a train station and lots of talking and she was stuck in this area that was like a curtain with lots of beautiful colors (colors that you don’t see in real life according to her) a man told her 'He was sorry, but she had to go back as it wasn’t her time.'"
Hannah_LL7
"I had a really similar experience except I was in an endless garden with flowers that were colors I had never seen before. It was quiet and peaceful and a woman in a dress looked at me, shook her head, and just said 'Not yet.' As I was coming back, it was extremely loud, like everyone in the world was trying to talk all at once. It was all very disorienting but it changed my perspective on life!"
huntokarrr
The Fog
"I was in a gray fog with a girl who looked a lot like a young version of my grandmother (who was still alive) but dressed like a pioneer in the 1800s she didn't say anything but kept pulling me towards an opening in the wall. I kept refusing to go because I was so tired."
"I finally got tired of her nagging and went and that's when I came to. I had bled out during a c-section and my heart could not beat without blood. They had to deliver the baby and sew up the bleeders. refill me with blood before they could restart my heart so, like, at least 12 minutes gone."
Fluffy-Hotel-5184
Through the Walls
"My spouse was dead for a couple of minutes one miserable night. She maintains that she saw nothing, but only heard people talking about her like through a wall. The only thing she remembers for absolute certain was begging an ER nurse that she didn't want to die."
"She's quite alive and well today."
Hot-Refrigerator6583
Well let's all be happy to be alive.
It seems to be all we have.
Trying to lose weight is a struggle understood by many people regardless of size.
The goal of reaching a healthy weight may seem unattainable, but with diet and exercise, it can pay off through persistence and discipline.
Seeing the pounds gradually drop off can also be a great motivator and incentivize people to stay the course.
Those who've achieved their respective weight goals shared their experiences when Redditor apprenti8455 asked:
"People who lost a lot of weight, what surprises you the most now?"
Redditors didn't see these coming.
Shiver Me Timbers
"I’m always cold now!"
– Telrom_1
"I had a coworker lose over 130 pounds five or six years ago. I’ve never seen him without a jacket on since."
– r7ndom
"140 lbs lost here starting just before COVID, I feel like that little old lady that's always cold, damn this top comment was on point lmao."
– mr_remy
Drawing Concern
"I lost 100 pounds over a year and a half but since I’m old(70’s) it seems few people comment on it because (I think) they think I’m wasting away from some terminal illness."
– dee-fondy
"Congrats on the weight loss! It’s honestly a real accomplishment 🙂"
"Working in oncology, I can never comment on someone’s weight loss unless I specifically know it was on purpose, regardless of their age. I think it kind of ruffles feathers at times, but like I don’t want to congratulate someone for having cancer or something. It’s a weird place to be in."
– LizardofDeath
Unleashing Insults
"I remember when I lost the first big chunk of weight (around 50 lbs) it was like it gave some people license to talk sh*t about the 'old' me. Old coworkers, friends, made a lot of not just negative, but harsh comments about what I used to look like. One person I met after the big loss saw a picture of me prior and said, 'Wow, we wouldn’t even be friends!'”
"It wasn’t extremely common, but I was a little alarmed by some of the attention. My weight has been up and down since then, but every time I gain a little it gets me a little down thinking about those things people said."
– alanamablamaspama
Not Everything Goes After Losing Weight
"The loose skin is a bit unexpected."
– KeltarCentauri
"I haven’t experienced it myself, but surgery to remove skin takes a long time to recover. Longer than bariatric surgery and usually isn’t covered by insurance unless you have both."
– KatMagic1977
"It definitely does take a long time to recover. My Dad dropped a little over 200 pounds a few years back and decided to go through with skin removal surgery to deal with the excess. His procedure was extensive, as in he had skin taken from just about every part of his body excluding his head, and he went through hell for weeks in recovery, and he was bedridden for a lot of it."
– Jaew96
These Redditors shared their pleasantly surprising experiences.
Shopping
"I can buy clothes in any store I want."
– WaySavvyD
"When I lost weight I was dying to go find cute, smaller clothes and I really struggled. As someone who had always been restricted to one or two stores that catered to plus-sized clothing, a full mall of shops with items in my size was daunting. Too many options and not enough knowledge of brands that were good vs cheap. I usually went home pretty frustrated."
– ganache98012
No More Symptoms
"Lost about 80 pounds in the past year and a half, biggest thing that I’ve noticed that I haven’t seen mentioned on here yet is my acid reflux and heartburn are basically gone. I used to be popping tums every couple hours and now they just sit in the medicine cabinet collecting dust."
– colleennicole93
Expanding Capabilities
"I'm all for not judging people by their appearance and I recognise that there are unhealthy, unachievable beauty standards, but one thing that is undeniable is that I can just do stuff now. Just stamina and flexibility alone are worth it, appearance is tertiary at best."
– Ramblonius
People Change Their Tune
"How much nicer people are to you."
"My feet weren't 'wide' they were 'fat.'"
– LiZZygsu
"Have to agree. Lost 220 lbs, people make eye contact and hold open doors and stuff"
"And on the foot thing, I also lost a full shoe size numerically and also wear regular width now 😅"
– awholedamngarden
It's gonna take some getting used to.
Bones Everywhere
"Having bones. Collarbones, wrist bones, knee bones, hip bones, ribs. I have so many bones sticking out everywhere and it’s weird as hell."
– Princess-Pancake-97
"I noticed the shadow of my ribs the other day and it threw me, there’s a whole skeleton in here."
– bekastrange
Knee Pillow
"Right?! And they’re so … pointy! Now I get why people sleep with pillows between their legs - the knee bones laying on top of each other (side sleeper here) is weird and jarring."
– snic2030
"I lost only 40 pounds within the last year or so. I’m struggling to relate to most of these comments as I feel like I just 'slimmed down' rather than dropped a ton. But wow, the pillow between the knees at night. YES! I can relate to this. I think a lot of my weight was in my thighs. I never needed to do this up until recently."
– Strongbad23
More Mobility
"I’ve lost 100 lbs since 2020. It’s a collection of little things that surprise me. For at least 10 years I couldn’t put on socks, or tie my shoes. I couldn’t bend over and pick something up. I couldn’t climb a ladder to fix something. Simple things like that I can do now that fascinate me."
"Edit: Some additional little things are sitting in a chair with arms, sitting in a booth in a restaurant, being able to shop in a normal store AND not needing to buy the biggest size there, being able to easily wipe my butt, and looking down and being able to see my penis."
– dma1965
People making significant changes, whether for mental or physical health, can surely find a newfound perspective on life.
But they can also discover different issues they never saw coming.
That being said, overcoming any challenge in life is laudable, especially if it leads to gaining confidence and ditching insecurities.