Woman's Grandma Passes Away And Clingy GF's Need For Constant Communication Created Major Problems, And Now She's Not Sure How To Proceed
I mean. There's not much to say. If somebody's dead grandmother is an emotional threat, is it even worth having a fight?
u/sici24 laid out the crazy issue for us:
My grandma died and I feel like my girlfriend's behaviour towards me and my family was out of line [28/29F 2 year relationship]
Hi Reddit. Sorry this is all over the place. I'm pretty tired and upset, and am having a hard time getting my thoughts together..but here it goes.
My grandma (dad's mom) and I didn't have the greatest relationship. Basically my dad's family was super crazy rich and my mom's family is like upper middle class. So my grandma wasn't super thrilled with the marriage. She treats my mom differently than her other daughter/son in laws and this kind of trickled down to me and my brother being treated differently than our cousins.
My grandma wasn't outright mean to us, but it was kind of obvious she had favourites in the way that she didn't give us as good gifts as the other grandkids, she never bragged about our accomplishments to her friends, she'd tell me that I could lose some weight, etc. But I mean… she did still give us gifts, cook our favourite foods when she came to visit, came to our graduations, lots of hugs and kisses..so I feel like she did love us. She was also an old Asian lady, so some of her actions can be attributed to just her being of her generation. I guess it doesn't matter now, bottom line – I had things to complain about but in the end I do love my grandma.
My grandma was in the hospital and my dad knew that she was not doing so well, so he asked me to fly out to my hometown and see her. All of my cousins, aunts and uncles came as well and we had a really lovely family reunion (I am super close to my extended family, but we all live in different states in the US/provinces in Canada so we don't see each other much but it's always awesome when we do) and my grandma was so happy. My girlfriend and I already had plane tickets to visit my parents, so we actually ended up going back to hometown a couple of weeks after that. Grandma was still in the hospital and my girlfriend met her for the first time. She died about a week after we left and I flew out again to go to the funeral and wake. So I went there 3 times (twice alone, once with my gf) and each time I was just…not impressed with my girlfriend's actions
This was a last minute flight and was pretty expensive, so my girlfriend decided not to come with me. Also we thought it wouldn't be the best situation for her to meet my family for the first time. I was only gone for the weekend (left Friday night, came back Sunday afternoon) and my girlfriend was insistent that I text constantly, call her every night, Skype every morning. I tried my best to text her, but I didn't really want to be on my phone the entire time I was at the hospital visiting my grandma and also catching up with family I hadn't seen in a couple of years. It was evening and my phone was nearly dead. My grandma was asleep, so my brother and cousins and I decided to drive to the mall/grocery store. My girlfriend got so angry at me because I didn't call her at the hospital, I didn't call her while I was in the car (with 7 other people), my phone died and I didn't borrow someone else's phone to call her at the mall, etc. She then also kind of got mad at me for taking the opportunity while my grandma was asleep to have a good time with my cousins instead of calling/video chatting her. I skyped her the next morning and she was still livid and accused me of doing something that I would never do and was actually really insulting. Anyway I went back home the next day and she was still mad at me.
This visit was planned before my grandma got sick and my gf met my extended family for the first time. She hated every second of it. My cousins tried to include her by asking what food she'd like to eat so we could pick a restaurant and she just said that we (she and I) would go back to my parents house and eat there (there was no food, we ate cereal for dinner). When we were alone, she'd get mad at me for having fun, laughing, and singing with my cousins. She was sulky the entire time and at one point was in such a bad mood around my family that she said that when we got back home we were breaking up. It then de-escalated to we are never going to a family reunion type thing ever again. She would text her sister about how weird/creepy/embarrassing my family was and when my aunt and uncle celebrated their wedding anniversary, she insisted that we skip the lunch celebration and drive downtown instead.
A few days after we got home from the 2nd visit, my dad called me to tell me that my grandma had passed away that morning and if I could make it home that weekend for the funeral and wake and that my girlfriend was invited too, of course. She couldn't take more time off work and also couldn't afford the plane ticket, so I went by myself. My girlfriend never outright said I couldn't go, but it was obvious that she didn't want me to ditch her again. She said things like "You didn't even like your grandma that much why do you have to go to the funeral AND the wake". But screw that, even if I didn't like my grandma I would still want to be there for my dad and the rest of my family. At the funeral home (for the wake), I was texting her a bit and taking pictures of some of my grandma's stuff. I was also chatting with my cousins and my brother. We decided to go into the chapel (I didn't really have signal in here) and I saw my aunt really crying and sobbing and I went to go give her a hug. The wake then started and I took a seat at a pew for the mass and other things. It lasted about 1 ½ hours, and when I got out, I received a ton of messages that my gf had sent that I couldn't receive in the chapel. Basically she was mad at me for not texting her good night immediately before the wake started. I told her that I was in a chapel, so I didn't really have the chance to text her. She said that it only takes a few seconds to text "good night" so I should have taken my phone out during the church service and texted. But honestly…texting her good night was not the most important thing on my mind during my grandma's wake.
The next day was the funeral. I was telling my girlfriend that the shoes I had brought were dirty so I had to borrow my mom's shoes with heels. She then texted me "Wow, the image of you in heels is such a turn-off". Wtf I wasn't telling her that I was wearing heels to turn her on, I was just telling her something about my day. After the funeral, my cousins and I decided to go play a game of basketball. I called my girlfriend to talk to her and when she heard the sounds of the game in the background she got angry and accused me of "having fun". Am I not allowed to have fun? My grandma was super into family and loved having everyone together, so us playing a fun game of basketball would probably be exactly what she had wanted us to do.
This has gotten really long now. So I'll just end it here. What I need help from you guys is..did I do something wrong? Maybe my judgement is all clouded because my grandma died, I spent so much time with family, I had to fly back and forth across the country three times in a month. Am I completely missing my gf's side of the story? I honestly don't know what to think, but I know that I feel like crap.
TL;DR: My girlfriend gets mad at me for having fun with my cousins, she hates my family, got incredibly angry at me for picking my grandma's funeral over texting her.
Here was some of the advice he got.
Sounds like you're better off breaking up.
No respect whatsoever from your girlfriend. Especially when your grandma is sick and at her funeral. I'm so upset reading this. This is absolutely wrong.
Aside from the gold-digging potential you mentioned in one comment, the biggest issue I see for your future as a couple if that your gf doesn't have the same family values you do. It is clear she has no intention of being an integral part of the family that you love and are very close to. That on its own is a big deal breaker.
Your gf comes off as super controlling and doesn't seem interested in getting to know your family at all. The fact that she was angry at you for going to your grandma's funeral is a big red flag IMO and she doesn't seem to trust you at all. Do you ever feel like she's trying to keep you away from from family and friends?
She's an insensitive controlling brat and possibly a gold digger. A death in the family is when your partner is supposed to be at their most supportive and caring, not all this nonsense (texting her sister sh*t about your family? telling you it's a turn off imagining you in heels? what the f*ck??). So many red flags. You can do much better.
My grandmother died a few years ago. My boyfriend comforted me through the news (it was shocking, it came out of nowhere). He listened to me when I wanted to tell stories about her, he was distracting when I told him he needed a distraction. When it was the day of the funeral, he put on a black suit, rented a car, and drove me, my dad, and my cousins to the funeral. It was his first time meeting my extended family and he was polite and gregarious with them. We went out for a big meal after the service and everyone who had just met him pulled me aside to tell me how much they loved him.
I'm telling this story not to brag, but to show how a partner should treat you during a time of mourning. I've gone to friends parents funerals that were 90% in foreign languages and sat quietly and reflected and was there for my friends afterwards. Do you really want to be around someone you can't trust to be there for you when you most need them?
Maybe this is your grandmas last gift to you, showing how untrustworthy, unreliable, and selfish your girlfriend is.
Your girlfriend is on another planet. You had every right to go to your grandmas the times you did go prior to her death, and yes what's wrong with having fun? Nothing. You should have been at the funeral, that was your grandma. Your girlfriend is insecure, untrustworthy, childish, unsympathetic, and a nag. Why would you want to spend the rest of your young life with her? You could do so much better. Good luck.
A romantic partner is supposed to be a comfort and source of support during hard times, not the cause of additional stress. This woman seems controlling and like she's trying to alienate you from your family. Add in her alarming interest in your inheritance and her general surliness and insistence that every aspect of her life focus on you, and she's just comes across as an overall drain on your life.
Being single is infinitely preferable to having a "partner" like this one.
Listen. I was in a relationship with a girl JUST like this a few years ago, like what you're describing I almost wondered if it's the same girl. It's gonna be hard to break up, but it is the best thing for you to do. She had turned me against my family, and it took me finally seeing the abusive behavior for myself to stand up and break up with her. When I told her I didn't want to be together anymore, she initially acted very sweet and loving, but when I didn't budge, she actually admitted to cheating on me when I was out of town (which is when she would accuse me of cheating) and said some very hurtful things about me and my family. She showed her true colors, and I'm glad she did, it made it all the easier to forget about her and find the right one for me.
So - what's the question here? I know you're asking if you did something wrong, but you already know you didn't. Each one of your examples are riddled with poor behaviors demonstrated by your girlfriend (clingy, controlling, manipulative).
I gotta ask: Where's the good? Why are you with her? Personally, there's nothing she could do that would justify putting up with this bologna.
I really hope you realize that she's no good for you, and you totally deserve better - and when that happens, give us an update. I wanna know what happens.
We're not getting your girlfriend's side of the story, we're getting yours though. I don't know if there's anything your girlfriend could tell me about her side of the story that would lead me to say "Hey wow no I get it, you were totally in the right, u/sici24 needs to get her sh*t together."
Like no matter what, how she behaved during those three visits is not okay. She can have valid reasons for doing so (being in a bad mood, feeling uncomfortable, feeling anxious, missing you, insecurities) but that doesn't EXCUSE what she did or make how she acted okay. At the very least, she needs to work on how she communicates with you and she has to take into account where you're at and put herself aside from a little bit. That's some personal work that SHE needs to do, and maybe there are some changes you can make to help with that, but this is more or less about her.
But like I already said in a different comment, I don't even think it's worth it. This seems like a repeating pattern with her and I've been in relationships where I felt exactly how you feel now--that it was always, always my fault but then when I think about it later, I realize that even if it WAS my fault, I still wouldn't have reacted the way that my partner did. It was only after those relationships actually ended that I realized how f*cked up and toxic they were. It takes a LOT of work for a person to change that deeply, and I'm not saying it's impossible, but I AM saying that your girlfriend needs to be willing to put that work in and also willing to own her part instead of making everything your fault.
You need to figure out if you're happy with her and if you actually want to try to make this work, but based on my own history, I really want you to dump her on her f*cking a** and move onto someone who isn't going to be up your a** yelling at you because you were spending too much time with your family after your grandmother died. Give me a break.
it sounds like ur gf believes that u only live for her pleasure and benefit. u can't have ur own life and enjoy anything that doesn't include her or benefit her in any way. Hence, why she is so interested in ur inheritance. if i were u, i would never let her see a cent, and break up with her. she is a garbage human being.
At first I was thinking, "okay maybe she's young and a little immature." I had to look at the ages again and she's past the age where it's acceptable to behave in this manner.
A kind and loving partner would be supportive of you if they're with you AND supportive if they were unable to come along. You are there for a funeral, not for some random shindig. It would be reasonable to assume you aren't going to respond right away.
Does she have a job or a life? My god, what you describe sounds absolutely exhausting. I was with someone like that and it drained the life out of me. After I didn't have anything left to give, I grew a spine and told them I deserved a hell of a lot better than how they were treating me and they knew it.
It's easy to say, "dump them" but I'm on the train with other commenters. Your gf isn't going to change, is super selfish and childish (and mention of some gold-digging tendencies). You deserve a partner in life, not a spoiled teenager who throws tantrums when they don't get 500% of your attention.
Good luck OP.
I'm sorry for your loss. Your gf is incredibly selfish and jealous of the connection you have with your family. She is definitely controlling and this is only going to escalate. You have not done anything wrong, her behavior is completely out of line.
I think you need to reflect on whether you want to continue a relationship with her. She showed you her true colors in your time of sorrow and it's not pretty.
My boyfriend (Now husband) lost his grandma when we'd been together for two months. I stayed for a week (teacher, summer holidays) to clean his mum's house and get groceries and stuff so she could grieve and make arrangements. I then held his hand, and at times his brothers', through the funeral and wake.
I say this not to boast, but merely to point out the actions of a decent human being (or at least someone who tries to be.) This is a big, big red flag that shows she gives not a crap about your feelings.
I'm sorry for the loss of both your grandma and this relationship. You deserve better.
This is the best set of red flags possible. You lose no money, you have no children, you're not legally entwined in any way. Get out while the getting is good because this kind of selfishness does not improve with age.
I've live it. The coldness, the unprovoked resentment, the hyperinflated insecurity. Don't. Ever. be made to feel bad by a partner for having a relationship with your family, let alone for simply being happy [or sad or anything] from something that is not totally derived from this childish brat. It's completely unacceptable. I know I am coming off as overly passionate about this, maybe I am, but this was my life for a lot of years and nothing good came of it. I'm not suggesting what to do, I'll leave the power of your decision making to you.. because you are a strong and confident person.. and don't let anyone else tell you otherwise. Your value as a person does not begin and end with this person's skewed sense of reality, relationship/marriage/occupation/whatever.
The world is a big and fascinating place.
What do you genuinely not understand??
Sometimes what you don't understand isn't that crazy of an idea, but it still doesn't make any sense to you.
"Why can I never find my shoes?" for example.
It's A Skill All Mother's Attain
"Why when my mother asks me to go get her something and I can't find it, but when she gets up and looks for it, the thing she asked me to get was right in front of me."
"It's called refrigerator blindness:"
It's A Game We All Play
"The economy, as in I understand everything hypothetically, but have no clue how Im going to implement my "knowledge." Yeah I know how a mortgage works, and I know how taxes work, but what do I do? Just go to the bank and say "1 mortgage please!" I just feel like Im missing something about the "real world" and since Im 17, Im only a couple years off it"
"1 Mortgage please" is just about right lol don't worry you're young. There's still people in their 30s and 40s out there who don't understand these concepts either. Just the thought of you trying to understand these concepts at your age puts you ahead of the curve. Stay curious and always ask questions."
Looking At You, Comments Section...
"When native English speakers can't:"
"Editing so ya'll can stop commenting the same ones:"
A lot of science goes deep into the territory of sounding made up. It's all real, it has to be. Otherwise it wouldn't be something we could study. Yet even with those explanations, to some it feels like there's a bit of fiction behind it.
It's Magic. Only Explanation.
"I know there's grooves but how does a needle going over those tiny grooves make such a specific sound, like the vocals, guitars, drums, keyboards, or any other instrument? And how did people invent this so long ago?"
"I've seen closeups of a needle in a groove but it still doesn't make sense to me how a few ridges can produce these sounds exactly. And how do they even put those specific grooves in there, especially over a century ago."
It Just Keeps Growing And Growing And...
"What's in space and the absolute vastness of it"
"I took astronomy in college only thing I remember is that humans will never be able to comprehend how big space is or the distance"
"From what I know, the speed of light is the limitation we're facing. The light from extremely far away places is expanding faster than the speed of light can reach us so in an infinite amount of time, we'll never get to see or even know about what was there."
All I Know Is You Plug It In And...
"I've read the theory and explanation, even simplified ones and I just still don't understand. I've done some calculations in uni for it and I had to mentally separate that it was electrical theory to understand the equations."
"Definitely black magic."
Maybe go for a walk in the park. Look at some trees. Those are easy to comprehend. No need to stretch your brain to the point of breaking.
"NFT's for me it's just online pictures you speculate with"
"You've figured it out then."
"I really hate the NFT bandwagon, because I still find no sense to it after trying to read about it every chance I get and I feel this is the line that turning me from tech-savvy to the uncle you need to teach how to use his phone."
It's All A Bit Wibbly Wobbly
"to be fair none of us genuinely understand. we're merely pretending to, by making it relative to us. good answer"
"People assume that time is a strict progression from cause to effect, but actually from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint, it's more like a big ball of wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey stuff"
No On Really Knows And ISN'T THAT TERRIFYING
"Either it always existed, which is a thermodynamic nightmare which makes no sense because how can a chain of events not have a start, or it did have a start, which is preposterous because time (spacetime) is a PRODUCT of expansion; there literally was no "before" the big bang because there was no time to have a point in to call "before"."
"Ontologically, ONE of these statements has to be at least nominally true, but BOTH are f-cking bananas."
There's ideas, concepts, scientific theories, you can hear and be retaught many times yet still not fully understand. And that's okay. You don't have to understand everything. Just accept we're moving forward, in time, in a universe we don't fully grasp, and move on with your life.
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You know what?
I genuinely like being an adult. I don't exactly like paying bills (who does, right?) but it's nice to know that I have my independence and that there is no one else impeding on my time. When I was a kid, I was very annoyed with the rituals of life, like going to school and seeing the same terrible people each day. Being out and about in the world, being free of these things, has been a game-changer.
But there are things you're never really prepared for, such as the fact that there's always something to do.
We heard more after Redditor Bootyshortsforcorgis asked the online community,
"Adults of Reddit, what part of being an adult caught you completely off guard because no one talks about it?"
"Even when you think..."
"How absolutely constant it all is. Even when you think you're getting a break, like a vacation, you're just doing other adult things you don't normally do in your everyday life."
Like I said... there's always something to do. Yeah, it can get to you sometimes.
"After 40+ weeks..."
"After 40+ years on this planet, you can still be traumatized by something that happened in your childhood."
Time doesn't heal all wounds, people. You know what does? Addressing those wounds. Therapy is important.
"How much I..."
"How much I would need to lie on the floor to make my back feel better."
"That many do not mature or grow up after high school."
Ain't that the truth. It's why I'm glad I no longer live in my old neighborhood.
"Having to decide..."
"Having to decide what to eat for the rest of your life. It can turn into laziness which leads to unhealthy eating. I don't wanna do all that cooking when I can just throw a pizza in the oven. Even though I know deep down I need to eat more veggies and not have food go to waste."
"That you'll spend..."
"That you'll spend a huge portion of your life doing things you really don't want to do (work, cleaning, being around people you don't like)."
Also true. One of the things that I do like about the pandemic? More time at home. I despise commuting. Do not miss it in the least.
"The complete unwillingness..."
"The complete unwillingness of most people to have difficult conversations. Most people would be perfectly happy carrying on like nothing is going on."
"Realizing that your parents were also just trying to figure it all out."
That they are. Many of us have become more forgiving of our parents as a result. Note that this doesn't necessarily apply if someone's parents are or were abusive.
"High school and college..."
"The opportunity to meet people is limited compared to when you were in high school or college.
High school and college provided you with extra activities/clubs to do that helped you meet people with similar mind-sets/interests as you. When you graduate, you lose seeing those people consistently or even at all.
So when you make it to the real world, the friends you did make from those things, aren't as available as they used to be. It can be hard to meet up and do things like you used to."
"You move out..."
"You move out and suddenly realise there are no pens. Your parents have lots of pens, but, you realise they never bought pens, they just had lots of them. Where did all those pens come from? Years of accumulation."
No one said adulthood was easy, but hopefully you'll be a bit more prepared now that you these observations in mind.
As for me... I will never miss being a teen. I'm good where I'm at.
Have some observations of your own? Feel free to tell us about them in the comments below!
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What if? That could happen. You never know. All thoughts that muddle the mind. It is unhealthy to live life in a vacuum of despair and scare but really... you do never know. And anything can happen.
So! How to proceed. First we must figure out are you scared or cautious? And are those messages getting confused? They are important questions.
It's natural to be concerned in life, and it's smart to be ready, but living in fear is no good. For instance, serial killers exist. In fact several are reading this now. That can't stop us from going outside. Can it?
Redditor u/IgnoreAndScroll404 wanted to chat about all the things that leave us shooketh in life, because maybe, you never know. They asked:
What unlikely event are you terrified will happen to you?
I hate elevators. I'm claustrophobic. I am sure death by elevator is imminent. Has it happened to others? Yes. Will it inevitably happen to me? Yes. I mean maybe. Who can tell.
The EndFail New York Knicks GIF by Indiana PacersGiphy
"Being impaled by a log falling off of the back of a truck, final destination style."
Over Troubled Water...
"A bridge collapsing when I'm driving over it."
"Back in '93 my aunt, uncle, cousin, and I were on a road trip from Illinois to Massachusetts. We drove through NYC and we entered Manhattan on the George Washington Bridge. During that year al-Qaeda had plans of using high powered explosives in New York and one of their targets was the GW bridge. Thankfully the FBI foiled that plot before it could be carried out. I distinctively remember as we were on the bridge I was hoping it wouldn't collapse."
"Die before retirement."
"This. All that crap for nothing. This is why you should avoid overtime even if you love what you do, you're not only giving up time now but also time later. Stress will cut your lifespan down as fast as anything."
"I'm afraid that one day I'll travel to a country that's got a lot of ice. I'll for some reason, cut a hole in the ice so I can jump in. Swim a little and then not be able to rise to the top due to all the ice and can't find the way out! I've had literal nightmares about this."
Clues...clue turnaround GIF by Paramount MoviesGiphy
"I'm a woman who watches too much true crime. I'm so riveted when watching, but later in the middle of the night I wake up and repeatedly check the doorway for serial killers."
Danger. Danger is all around us. Even in the house we're in trouble. We're never safe.
The Wavetsunami GIFGiphy
"Dying by tsunami."
"This. I am simultaneously fascinated and terrified of tsunamis. I have dreams about running from tsunamis about once every couple of months, sometimes I survive, sometimes I don't, but its so freaking scary to think about. And yet I also like to look up footage of tsunamis online for some reason, like some kind of Stockholm syndrome."
"A brain aneurism. Thanks, Archer."
Rabies. Despite the fact that I'm vaccinated and the chances are low as hell that I would end up with it if I got a booster shot after exposure."
"It is basically the zombie plague from horror movies. Sure, it turns out the logistics of zombie infection doesn't lead to hoards of zombies roaming the streets. But seriously it's a ridiculous nasty disease. My grandfather worked with the virus as some sort of researcher. I got an illuminating email from him back when I was in school doing a report on rabies. Not my favorite disease by a long shot."
"I am scared a plane will crash into my house. Not actually because of 9/11, I had this fear since before then because of the major event near San Diego California where 2 planes crashed into each other mid-air. Bodies and plane parts etc fell all over a suburban neighbourhood. It's one of my biggest nightmares and still bothers me to think about that. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pacific_Southwest_Airlines_Flight_182"
Knock me out...Tired Monday GIFGiphy
"Doctors doing things without my permission. Such as while under anesthesia, ignoring my requests for something to not happen, claiming I'm incompetent to make decisions, etc."
Life is a gamble. You gonna play or just wait out your turn? That is a more serious question than you think.
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Capitalism wants to push its workers to work for ultimate productivity--even if that comes at the expense of other things. A worker's well-being has been placed second to their productivity in America for too long. That time is changing now.
Workers are no longer willing to be completely mowed down for a paycheck. Something's gotta give--and either it's the money or the job. And more people are willing to stand up for themselves.
"What was your 'I'm not paid enough for this s**t' moment?"
Here were some of those answers.
Think Of The Children
"Telling a grown a** man that he shouldn't be sh*tting in a school parking lot. I was eating lunch in my car and saw him in the rear view mirror."
"I got out of my car and shouted as loud as I could SIR YOU CANNOT POOP THERE, not to get his attention so much as to make him, you know, not sh*t on the side of my school building. And embarrass him out of doing it again."
"I was pissed off, too, there were two portapotties within sight of where he was."-8dogsinatrenchcoat
"When a customer had a full-blown adult tantrum on the floor of the supermarket I was working at because we were out of red cabbage two hours before we closed on Christmas Eve."
"Mind you that almost everyone eats red cabbage on Christmas here in Germany. To top this off she also threw frozen bread rolls after me because I told her to have her tantrum outside."-Lelexxia
Knowing Your Value
"While working with a client as a consultant employed by a consulting agency. The client tried to hire me full time and offered me triple the salary."
"That was like the wtf moment which made me research the market value of my skills and turned out I was super underpaid. So I left and found a new job straight away."-vegetable-table-man
It's hard to think of ourselves in terms of money, since we aren't made to be consumed for value.
Gotta Love A Truck Stop Moment
"So I'm working this register at a truck stop circa 2011. It's by a door that gets very little traffic so I mostly just watch the gift shop area and try to deter people from stealing."
"It's an overnight shift about 3 am. This man comes barreling in bleeding from his hand and yells 'IVE BEEN STABBED!'"
"Immediately I call for security. My manager is nearby. Security calls 911 on their way and shows up a few moments later. This guy is bleeding profusely, all over my freshly mopped floor mind you."
"I'm off to the side 'Sir where is the stabber?!' My manager is asking for towels, so I bring a clean towel. Again I ask 'SIR, where is the stabber?!'"
"My manager and security are saying stuff like 'Put pressure on it. Go wave down the ambulance when they arrive!' So at this point I'm practically yelling 'There is a stabber on the loose in that parking lot some where and I'm not going out there until I know where he is!'"
"Finally the guy goes 'Oh he was at the truck stop across the street. We got into an argument it wasn't random.' Relieved and now no longer fearing for my safety I went out to wave down the ambulance."
"Unfortunately $8/hr is not enough to get stabbed over."-ItsTylerBrenda
Ice Ice Baby
"I worked at a Starbucks in a grocery store and a customer got mad because she wanted a drink cold but it was served hot.
"The girl taking her order was new and didn't ask her if she wanted hot or cold, I was making the drinks so went with what was on the cup."
"So she threw it at me, while still freshly hot. Burned my face down to my stomach. I was 5 months pregnant. I quit a week later."-Zealou_luv
Sometimes, Spirit Is Inappropriate
"So if you're familiar with Build-A-Bear, you know the happy faces the employees are supposed to have. You might also be familiar with the bear stuffing process."
"You pick a bear, bring it to me, pick a heart and you do a little dance (or whatever else I'd pick) I'd stuff the bear, you put the heart in and I stitch it up."
"There was a couple that came in one night in January 2008. She was extremely pregnant. They came in and pick one of the little blue bears. I asked how they want it stuffed, the normal."
"And then when they pick the heart oh, they also pick one of the fancy hearts that has a heartbeat. Then tell me that their son, who she is still pregnant with is going to be stillborn. And they are making a bear together to give to him to be buried with."
"Obviously, I immediately tone down to the happy-go-lucky bullsh*t. The store was empty so it didn't really matter. And no, I didn't make them do the little dance and wish that you do for most people."
"I finished the bear myself, walk them through the clothing, check them out myself and then close the store. I got written up the next day for not showing the Build-A-Bear spirit. I was 16. I quit and got into a screaming match with that dumba** manager."-enemyoftoast
Mary Mary Quite Contrary
"When the boss said he was going to hire 'Mary' back. Mary, the woman who was fired for having her friends call me with death threats because I wouldn't switch days off with her."
"Mary, the woman he told me he was never in a room alone with because she was 'the type to claim sexual harassment'."
"He hired Mary back and gave her my job after I quit. He was fired 6 months later over the sexual harassment claim filed by . . . . Mary."-jaimystery
We will never put our mental and physical health at risk without being duly compensated.
"I was on a royal navy warship and we'd pulled into Hull UK for a visit. Their dockyard regulations prevented the ship from discharging solids overboard so the total of all the crews toilet flushings were diverted to a holding tank so we could discharge it overboard when back at sea."
"After the crew had been in port for two days, which for most involved copious drinking and then finishing off with a large curry or spicy kebab, the additional load on the system was too much for the circulating pump inside tank."
"The pump was also used pump the contents overboard so needed to be fixed before we went back to sea. Unfortunately I was duty electrician the day the pump failed."
"The contents of the tank was about a foot and half deep! I suited up with waterproofs and copious amounts of duct tape to seal the seams and descended."
"The pump was bolted in place and to free it I had to work with my face about four inches from the liquid curry and beer smoothies as I bent over. I definitely want getting paid enough... But I was given an order and it was my job, so I just got on and did it."-Androm57
"Was working in a large bakery for my first job at 15. Tried to pull a six foot tall baking tray but there's a lip to get the tray over, started to fall on me and caught it with my forearms, burning myself (not terribly, but still not great feeling)."
"Told my boss and showed him my swelling, reddened forearms and asked to go home. He said I could, once I'd mopped out the bottom of all the 10+ freezers and then he left, leaving me alone."
"I left as soon as he did and then rode my bike home to take care of my burns."-therustedrobot
The Donors Need To Be Coralled
"Working for a nonprofit. At a fundraising dinner, a major donor touched my knee then later my butt and flirted heavily. I am a woman and was 25 at the time."
"When I brought it to my supervisor I was told that is just something you have to put up with when fundraising if you want to make the organization money."
"Stayed at that job a few months before I was fired for not being happy enough. Note that after that incident I refused to attend events where the creep would be there.. Can't say I was sad."
"Got a job that paid twice as much and came without sexual harassment. An employment lawyer probably would have loved if I called them, but I lacked the confidence to take that big of a stand."
"Now I would absolutely take action. I would actually probably yell in the moment to get your forking hands off me. Which would have been awkward for him because his wife was present."-smughippie
There you have it. Across the board, people have put their foot down when it comes to work. If you want higher paid work, you need to pay me more.
Let's never settle for less again.