Former Friends Reveal The Things That Destroyed Their Strongest Relationships
Former Friends Reveal The Things That Destroyed Their Strongest Relationships
[rebelmouse-image 18349681 is_animated_gif=Friendship is supposed to be one of the closest relationship bonds a person can have. That doesn't mean it's always sunshine and roses. When friendships go wrong, holy CRAP do they go wrong. It's only with that kind of injury that a person can build up the kind of rage it takes to truly hold a grudge. Long story short, ending friendships can get ugly and we're about to talk about it. One Reddit user posed the question:
Things are about to get high-drama and NSFW, so grab your popcorn and your favorite sassy reaction memes; we're about to do this:
Didn't Make The Cut
[rebelmouse-image 18349682 is_animated_gif=My friend and I both tried out for the badminton team in grade 7. After the first tryouts they call back for a second set. The list was posted on the bulletin board, so after class she went and checked (I asked her to tell me if I made it). She came back saying neither of us did, and I thought that was the end of it.
The second tryouts were happening the next morning before class. During homeroom that day a girl in my class asked me why I wasn't at tryouts. I told her that I didn't make it, at least that's what Friend told me. She informed me that I did, so I went and checked at morning break. My name was on the list. I went and talked to the gym teacher in charge and he let me do a quick tryout at lunch. I didn't end up making the team (which I was okay with, I'd already accepted that fact). This was now 10 years ago and I'm so salty. I've dealt with a lot of s*** from this girl, but we're still friends.
They Fled The Country???
[rebelmouse-image 18349683 is_animated_gif=This was 7 years ago and I'm still mad about it. I'm 30 now and we were friends from the age of 4 to 23 so almost 20 years, and we had borrowed money from each other all the time and always paid it back, so one day he asked to borrow a few grand for a car and I was like sure no problem, he'll pay me back next month like he always does (I borrowed the same amount from him before FYI). I transferred the money and then didn't hear from him for a few days so went round his parents and turns out he used the money to move abroad and set up a new life with a random woman he met online. I almost wish I could say it didn't work out but they got married and had 3 kids and now live in a nice big house, but I gave him all the money I had at the time and it ruined me for quite a long time and I got into debt and other issues which just spiralled from that point. I know which city he lives in but not much more than that, and haven't had what I would consider a best friend again since.
The 20-year Dinner Ban
[rebelmouse-image 18349684 is_animated_gif=Mom planned a small dinner party with another family. She cooked all day, set the table, probably made my dad put a playlist together, and waited for them to arrive. The call and say "oh, we can't make it, something better came up".
They are still friends, but my mother hasn't invited them over for dinner in 20 years. And my mom is an amazing cook.
To this day they still say "oh, we never come over for dinner any more!" And my mom will respond, "yes, that's right, you don't." I like to think I inherited her grudge-holding ability.
Catfish
[rebelmouse-image 18349685 is_animated_gif=I was really lonely in high school and bullied a lot. When I was about 14 or 15, my only "best friend" at the time teamed up with two girls who didn't like me to essentially Catfish me. I don't know why, we weren't fighting or anything. Anyway, they pretended to be a guy romantically interested in me and e-mailed me out of the blue. They talked to me for months as this guy, before I trusted "him" enough to give him answers to really personal questions.
I found out who "he" really was after they told everyone every scrap of personal information I'd told my online friend. And it was some pretty personal s***. I was already depressed, and this experience ended up making me start self harming - a habit I only finally kicked about a year ago.
F*ck you, Melissa. It's been 15 years and I still think it was a shitty thing to do to me.
Justifiable Anger
[rebelmouse-image 18346010 is_animated_gif=Rented my property and kept the money without telling me while simultaneously f-ing my girlfriend. Yeah, I'm still angry.
The Wedding Brush-Off
[rebelmouse-image 18349687 is_animated_gif=A friend texted me the night before my wedding to say that she couldn't attend because she couldn't afford to go. (Wedding was a 30 minute car journey from home) The day after the wedding she had posted photographs on Facebook being out drinking the night of my wedding. Haven't spoken to her since.
Choosing The Girl Over A Lifelong Friend
[rebelmouse-image 18349688 is_animated_gif=Not really salty about it anymore, it's been to long. My best friend growing up stopped being friends because of a girl he just meet. We became friends when we were 4. He was 3 months older them me, so growing up we went to school. Our parents were friends. We went to the same church. So we spent most of our time hanging out.
When we were 17 he met this girl and after the first time she met me she told him she didn't want him hanging out with me, right in front of me. Without hesitation he told me to leave and never talked to me again. It's been nearly 20 years now. I see him about once every couple of years. He's married to her now. He's not allowed to have friends outside of her family and is completely miserable. His parents can't stand her because of how unbelievably rude she is to them and rarely lets them see their grand-kids. It's been so long now that I could care less and barely know them, but it's not something I would forgive.
I Do... Not Blame You.
[rebelmouse-image 18349689 is_animated_gif=My best-man is now engaged to my ex-wife. Dead Sea salty about that still.
Taking A Homeless Person's Money
[rebelmouse-image 18349690 is_animated_gif=When I was in my late teens, I was essentially homeless. One of my absolute best friends was moving away for college and offered to let me stay in his apartment for the remainder of the lease if I would cover half the rent. I was working at a sandwich place at the time, not making more than $7.50 per hour, so it sounded like a great deal.
I paid him for the first month, and was evicted less than month later by the apartment managers. Turns out my bestie hadn't been paying rent, took my money and left me without a place to live.
One of my co-workers let me stay with him until I could get back on my feet.
A few years ago, my former friend saw me at a bar during the holidays and tried to talk to me. Without a word, I just gave him the most blank, vacant, uncaring stare I've ever given anyone in my life. He eventually left me alone.
No Love For Brother
[rebelmouse-image 18349691 is_animated_gif=I was visiting my parents with my dog a few months ago, my brother came into the house and as a normal happy dog would he ran to the door in excitement and is standing about 2 feet away just wagging his tail awaiting the new visitor.
My brother decided he didn't like my dog being at the door and kicked my pup as hard as he could in the stomach. My dog is 180 pounds and I've barely heard him whimper in pain at any point. My dog let out the loudest Yelp and ran to me with his tail tucked whimpering. That's how hard my brother had kicked him.
I'm not a generally angry person and I hardly ever yell and I especially am NOT a fighter. That day my family saw a side of me that they never have. My dad had to physically pull me off of my brother and kicked him out. I believe I said some pretty graphic things about how I was going to kill him. Don't fuck with my dog. Ever.
Nintendo
[rebelmouse-image 18349692 is_animated_gif=My best friend selling my Nintendo for heroin. Not great.
The Drummer
[rebelmouse-image 18349693 is_animated_gif=I had a bandmate (the drummer... always the f*cking drummer) who was always kind of shiftless and self-absorbed but funny and talented, which goes a long way in a band situation. Jim was never on time, serially unapologetic about being an hour late, and was a prima donna about his performances. After a few years of this, I got sick of it and we disbanded.
Fast forward another year, Jim calls me up and tells me he's moving to my city and was wondering if I could give him a job at my construction company. Against my better judgement, I give him a qualified yes. Turns out he was as shitty an employee as he was a bandmate: always late, always texting, futzing around so it took twice as long to do something as it should. Eventually, after numerous attempts to whip him into shape, I let him go.
In the interim, a lot of personal things had happened, including me getting separated/divorced. One day, my ex texts me some screen shots of the conversation Jim initiated. "Hey, girl, just checking on you to make sure you're okay. Breakups are hard. Call me if you need anything..." To her credit, her response was along the lines of, "If I did, I'd probably call somebody else. When was the last time you talked to twelvesteprevenge, anyway?"
He plays drums in a band with other friends of mine but I refuse to go to any of their shows because f*ck you, Jim.
She Could Have Afforded To Repay
[rebelmouse-image 18349694 is_animated_gif=A friend was leaving a crappy relationship, she had a one year old son and was pretty down on her luck. She asked to borrow $2000 for a damage deposit and first months rent and promised to pay me back after her next payday. I was naive and trusted her. In hindsight, I should have known, due to her situation that she wouldn't be able to pay me back that quickly. Anyway, gave her the money and haven't seen a dime of it. What makes it unforgivable for me is that in the 3 years that have passed, she is doing well, bought a brand new car, moved to a nice condo, always has her hair and nails done etc. I feel like if she can afford these things, she could have paid me $50 each pay period or whatever she could, when she could, but obviously paying me back/our friendship is not a priority for her... in fact, whenever I have contacted her about it she just ignores me. Lesson definitely learned, I don't lend anyone money and will teach my children the same. I know not everyone is like my "friend" but it often seems that people who are generous/good natured get taken advantage of.
Attempted Kidnapping
[rebelmouse-image 18349695 is_animated_gif=My 14 yo daughter went through a phase where she became very neglectful in her school attendance and studies so as punishment she was not allowed any tv or music until her homework was done every night -- apparently this was too much for her and she ended up running away -- leaving a note that said "Don't come looking for me because you won't find me. I love you but I just need to get away and find myself. Bye."
I immediately called all her friends in her little phone book -- no one had heard or seen her (this was at 9:00 pm) and as my husband drove around to all her favorite spots to check and see if she was there, I called the police.
They arrived took all the info down, a current picture of her etc. and said they'd issue a BOLO (Be On the Look Out) and bring her home if they spotted her.
I then sat waiting for my husband to return and decided to call my bff, crying hysterically about what had happened.
She listened patiently and gave all the proper sympathetic responses including that if my daughter didn't return by that night (she lived two hours away in another city) she would come in the morning and stay with me to show support and brain storm.
I agreed and we cried together some more and then we ended the conversation.
We didn't sleep all night and jumped out of my skin every time the phone rang. Morning arrived and so did my bff.
She would leave for home at dark and return in tbe morning every day for the almost three weeks our daughter was missing. All along being a rock to me as support. Brain storming, making more calls to other family and friends for me, put her kids on the look out and to spread the word etc..made meals so I didn't have to cook and gave me hugs and her shoulder to cry on, often times crying with me.
Almost three weeks into my daughter being missing the phone rang and it was the police -- talk about a heart attack, especially since they had found the body of a female at a isolated park -- and all they simply said "Mrs. Worry We found her!"
I cried and said "Is she ok?" and I sware I stopped breathing until he answered.
He says "Yes, she's fine. Has a mouth on her and we feel sorry for you, but she's fine. Another PD found her in another county, recognized her from her picture and brought her in. She's here, if you want to come pick her up. We wouldn't blame you if you decided to leave her here, but she is here."
I laughed between tears and said I'd be right down -- coincidently my bff had decided to stay home that day and so I called my husband from work to come home so we could go get our daughter together.
Here's the "shorter" part of this story.
Fast forward after many months of counseling and an actual in patient hospitalization for our daughter she snapped out of it and once again there was peace and joy in our home.
So imagine my surprise when one night as my daughter and I were having our nightly mother/daughter chats while staring at the stars on our deck -- my daughter blurts out , " Mom aren't you curious about the where, who or what of my little excursion?"
I hadn't pushed her for details because I didn't want to stress her and figured I'd hear it from her sooner or later. So I just said "Yes, but only when you're ready. Don't you want to know what and how I felt finding you gone?"
She said yes and so I vented my fears, worries and sleepless nights and made the ending comment of "...had it not been forBFF being a great friend to me I'd have lost it."
My daughter by now was softly weeping at my anguish and said "Mom...she's NOT your friend."
And I said "Why do you say that?"
And my daughter said "Because....I was hiding out at her house all that time. She hid me from you and kept encouraging me not to go home that she had always wanted a daughter like me and I could stay and be her daughter. She evil and mean, she's also jealous of you and likes daddy and told me that she wish she had your looks and money and life. She's NOT your friend. But please don't tell her I told you. She made me promise not to say anything."
I could have fell out of my chair in shock.
The next morning after my daughter went to school, I got in my car and drove the two hours to my bff house. She was shocked to see me (she had been inexplicably absent since our daughter was "returned") and I could see the worry and slight fear in her face but tried to act like nothing was wrong.
She didn't originally invite me in like usual and had a death grip on her door knob so I knew SHE KNEW why I was there.
I said WHAT? You're not going to invite me in now? And she quickly caught herself and said "OH, sorry come on in".
No sooner had we sat down and I let her have it with a tongue lashing she's never had before and I ended it with "You're evil and no friend of mine and I never want to see you EVER again!!! And you better pray to God that I can't prosecute you for kidnapping!!" then I stormed out.
We'd been friends since grade school!
How she could have done that to us is beyond me, and I could have easily beat the crap out of her but chose the high road.
Something that I still regret talking and NOT beating the crap out of her.
I want her to feel the pain she caused me by knowing all along my daughter was at her house while she cried with me and held my hand and SAW THE PAIN I WAS SUFFERING.
A pure sociopath. Ughh.
Stolen Art
[rebelmouse-image 18349697 is_animated_gif=He was an artist and I was a writer. I had a script written out for a graphic novel, he wanted to work on it and I agreed.
He did no work whatsoever for two months. Not a single sketch. Instead, he put his name on my story and took a meeting with a publisher through a contact he had. He told me about it after they let him know they weren't interested and acted like it was no big deal.
Needless to say, I lost my shit. I made him show me all the stuff he showed them. His name, everywhere. His contact info, everywhere. My name was on one page, under his. Everything he showed them was 100% my work, even what sketches there were were from me, and he acted like he did it all.
I told him to f*ck right off, forever.
Don't Bring Missionaries
[rebelmouse-image 18349698 is_animated_gif=I had some friends from church that I thought understood and supported me. I am athiest, and don't even want to discuss religion. They called to see when was a good time to visit me, and I was excited to hear from them. They brought pushy missionaries. I'm still mad about it, and don't reach out to them because of it. At the time I kept the peace, now I regret not saying something because it was just rude.
Cat Food For The Abused
[rebelmouse-image 18349699 is_animated_gif=My mother used to starve me. Like literal abuse. If I was lucky I'd get a quarter of a butter sandwich for lunch and for tea, a dried lump of old cooked pasta that had been defrosted by being left in the counter all day. I used to be so so hungry!
A friends mother took pity on me, I don't know how it came about, but she began sending my friend in with an extra lunch every day in school. It was only a sandwich and a juice but wow, I had food that was nice and filling! I was so thankful and I made it clear that I was.
Then one day, the friend decided it would be funny to put cat food in the sandwiches and give them to me. When I realized what she'd done, she laughed so publicly at me for being such a scrounger.
Obviously it was an amazing thing that that friends parents did for me, I was definitely a scrounger by all means but I was so hungry! I still don't trust others with my food though
That Playlist, Though...
[rebelmouse-image 18348806 is_animated_gif=I had two friends in middle school and we would always hang out. We had a whole friend group and for the first time in my life I felt like I had friends and like I belonged somewhere.
About halfway through ninth grade, my two friends just stopped talking to me and inviting me to stuff. They were shutting me out. So I automatically started thinking it was a problem with me. I racked my brain trying to figure it out. Cried and cried cause I was losing my only friends.
Years later, I talked to one of them about it and asked why they shut me out. He said, "do you really want to know?" Obviously I did. He said it was because of the music I listened to. I listened to Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, AC/DC, all that good stuff. They listened to All American Rejects and We The Kings, etc. I told him that was the dumbest fucking reason and walked away.
I went through agony trying to figure out what I did wrong and it was just what I had on my iPod.
Medical Snooping
[rebelmouse-image 18349700 is_animated_gif=I caught a former friend rifling through correspondence between me and an online Dr.
I went MENTAL.
I was a closeted trans-woman at the time. Im still mostly closeted to this day (but slowly breaking out) - but what gives the prick the right to read letters Iv kept aside in my own home?
The excuse of You've looked depressed for ages and I just wanted to see if there's anything I can do just doesn't cut it. How dare anyone read my mail in the 1st place. Even worse - when it's clearly medically related - to keep going.
Screw him. We don't speak anymore.
H/T: Reddit
The One Secret People Will Never Tell Their Significant Other
Reddit user spinx248 asked: 'What’s a secret you’ll never tell your spouse or SO?'
Communication and trust are keys to a long-lasting relationship.
But even the best relationships are not without their secrets. Depending on the situation, some information is better left unrevealed so as to protect the relationship.
But is that a violation of trust–even if ignorance is bliss?
That's something that was explored after Redditor spinx248 asked:
"What’s a secret you’ll never tell your spouse or SO?"
Redditors came clean with their emission admissions.
"Remember when we were engaged and visited your mom in the hospital, and she let a fart so rank that your eyes watered and we still talk about it 20 years later?"
"That was me."
– Sarah-JessicaSnarker
It Was Coming From Inside The House
"That I farted and him checking the entire house as well as asking the neighbors if they smelled anything because he thought 'it could be a gas leak' was a waste of time."
– missnewbooty_
These secrets kept the relationship alive.
Monster-In-Law
"Her mother was interfering in our marriage constantly."
"I had an appointment with a lawyer to talk over options for divorce because I couldn't stand it anymore."
"Then her mother died suddenly. Heart attack."
"After the funeral, things got better...and here we are now married for 3 decades."
"She doesn't need to know."
– toTheNewLife
Early Bird
"How we really met…"
"He thinks a mutual friend decided to play matchmaker, which is true, but not the full picture."
"A friend of mine sent screenshots of my SOs dating app profile saying 'I’ve just found your future husband' some light googling led me to discover we shared a mutual friend, I spoke to him and he played matchmaker."
"6 years later, I’m never telling him that I basically stalked him first…"
– caca_milis_
There's no harm in keeping these private.
Potential Game-Over
"That I left the Nintendo Switch you gifted me on a bus. The Switch that you see me using is a replacement that I bought on ebay."
– TurtleGlobe
Pretend Hero
"Sometimes when I shake the kleenex outside, the spider isn't in it."
– ALighterShadeOfPale
"Hahaha once my husband captured a spider i was too scared to get. I was cowering down the hallway when inheard him say 'oops' then a slightly insincere"got 'em" but just a beat too late to be true."
– nebbeundersea
Redditors hid their clumsy attempts to make things right.
H2O-ohhh
"That one time when went camping for 3 nights I left the garden hose on at home full blast and we got a $700 water bill."
– poppinwheelies
Clumsy Repair
"That I chipped our wonderful granite quartz counter (that he picked out) and filled it with white putty. I will take this to my grave."
– Arrowings
Ignorance is bliss, forever and always.
Secret Ingredient
"Early on in our relationship, I made breakfast for my then Girlfriend and her kids using some pancake mix she had in the pantry. After making the pancakes and serving to them, I went to mix up a little more to make mine...and I realized there were some maggots in the dry mix."
"They were pretty much done eating, and telling me how good they were...I decided that ignorance was better than telling them. Taking that one to my grave."
– camafu
Secrets are tricky, but like all other types of confidential information, they have a tendency of slipping out.
A possible breakup can either be blamed on the nature of the secret itself or the deception of concealing it from a significant other.
If you have a secret you're keeping from your loved one, you may want to consider if it's worth coming clean.
On one hand, it can be risky if a hurtful truth can jeopardize the relationship. But think of the advantage of voluntarily owning up to the truth and earning more respect from your SO.
Something to think about.
There are few feelings worse than ending a relationship and getting your heart broken.
Even when people end things "amicably", there is still a lot of pain and sadness that comes with it.
What's more, when someone was such a major part of your life for such a long time, it might be a while before a day goes by when you don't think about them at least once.
As a result, whether the breakup happened the previous day or many years ago, people will go to great lengths to find ways to stop thinking about their former partners and move on with their lives.
"What’s the best way to get over an ex?"
Dive Into A Hobby
"When my wife left me I immediately started a woodworking project."
"I had to stop and cry every hour or so but at least I had my mind occupied some of the time."- Ozonewanderer
"Find a new hobby."
"Something to occupy your mind in your free time."
"Something easily accessible that can cost very little if you’d like it to."
"Dungeons and Dragons, a period of history, buy an inexpensive guitar and learn to play, things like that."- MrsAndMrGee
Stop Holding On...
"The biggest thing for me is to let go."
"Let go of everything you were looking forward to."
"Everything you wanted to do."
"You no longer want to do those things."
"Every time you begin down a conversation in your head you wanted to have, let go."
"It’s hard but you’ve got to reformulate your life without them."
"They’re not coming back."- mistaniceguy
"The Longest Distance Between Two Places."
"Time."
"It takes a lot of time."
"Can't fast forward it."- CpuJunky
Unplug!
"I know it sounds very cliché but just go on about your day, and for the love of every single god do not stalk their social media it'll only make it harder for you."
"It will hurt the first few weeks of course, nothing you can do about that."
"Also, find a hobby or meet new people, maybe start doing something you used to before you started dating but stopped because you didn't have the time anymore."
"My last breakup was a relationship that lasted almost 7 years, that bad feeling lasted a few months and I started dating someone else one year after that."
"I'm really emotional so if I survived that, you'll be just fine."- ChillOnTheHillz
Tell Them How You Really Feel... Without Actually Telling Them.
"It gets easier with time, but goes faster if you take steps to get in the proper mindset."
"I became a man-whore for a while."
"It was distracting, but it felt so empty."
"What helped me the most was writing her a long email about her faults and sh*tty behavior."
"If you do this, don't hold anything back."
"Do NOT send this email."
"It's therapy for you, not for them."- Ben_Thar
Think It Over
"Actually rationalize it."
"Understand your loss and why you might think you lost more than you really did."
"If it ended because they didn't love you or loved you less than you loved them, understand that you only lost someone who didn't love you, so in reality you didn't lose anything of real worth."
"You'd never be happy long term in a relationship where they didn't truly love you back."- Furicist
Put Yourself First
"I found the best way to get over an ex was to date myself."
"Sounds sooooo cheesy, I know. but I spent time rediscovering this new me."
"I spent a LOT of time with my family and friends, I volunteered, I explored my hobbies, took on a few more shifts at work basically loving on myself."
"It helped me a lot!"- LikeINeverSaid
At The End Of The Day, There Is No Right Or Wrong
"Went through this for the first half of this year and still struggle occasionally, so here are my few cents."
"When you catch yourself starting an imaginary conversation or ruminating on them, acknowledge it and bring your mind away from it."
"Focus on the present."
"Practicing meditation will help you do this more effectively."
"Work out."
"If you do a challenging activity like running you’ll be busy thinking about the fact that you’re f*cking dying and still have a ways to go before you get back home, and your breakup will be the least of your concerns at that moment."
"In the end you’ll feel good because you actually did something, and you’ll feel like you’re making progress on something."
"Vent to your friends."
"You’ll annoy them eventually, but that’s okay for now."
"If you don’t want to annoy your friends, vent to chatGPT.""It may sound stupid, but it’ll acknowledge your feelings and give you some generic advice."
"It’ll help get things out of your system."
"Read 'Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find--and Keep-- Love'."
"I burned threw this book in a couple of days and it was like therapy."
"Do a quick search and you’ll find the audiobook for free on YouTube."
"Going to a few therapy sessions will help you work through your feelings with someone who’s there to give you their full attention for an hour."
"Write a list of things you didn’t like about your ex."
"If they dumped you for no reason other than 'I’m just not feeling it' or blindsided you, they are untrustworthy, lack communication skills and are incapable of committing and putting in the work necessary for a relationship."
"That’s not the person you want to be with and that should be item #1."
"Otherwise, I’m sure you can think of things to write down."
"Join a new club, sign up for a class, start doing a new hobby, make new friends."
"If the breakup is extremely recent (less than 2 weeks), let yourself be sad."
"Let it wash over you, experience it, accept that heartbreak is the most human of emotions."
"We all go through it, there are millions of people on the same boat as you right now."
"Cry, lay down and do nothing, listen to sad music, do all of that, but once the two weeks are up you have to stop. It’s time to do the things I described above."
"This is a time for you to reconnect with yourself and find who you want to be apart from the influence of someone else."
"This is your opportunity to level up."
"This is a months long process, but you got this and I’m rooting for you!"- Zwolfer
Patience Is A Virtue...
"Wait 30 years and it eventually goes away."- prajnadhyana
Just Find The Joy... Except In Your Relationship...
"Oh man here we go."
"Excercise and try to do things that make you feel better about yourself, new outfit/hairdo etc."
"Surround yourself with friends and family."
"Plan fun events with them etc."
"Write down the terrible things from the relationship."
"Your brain will try to remember the best."
"Don't forget why it's over."
"Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT. Try to contact them."
"Be strong. "
"Erase their phone number."
"Unfollow social media."
"Contacting them will only result in being ignored (more pain) or receiving a response that might continue hope of a future."
"Best of luck."
"Sh*t isn't easy, but it WILL GET EASIER."
"Not immediately, but it will."- littlemegzz
Some relationships simply aren't meant to be.
Which doesn't make getting over ending them any easier.
But dwelling in the past will never do any good, the only thing to do is move forward and accept the present for what it is: a present.
Sex work is work. Honest work.
It feels like the opinion on this issue is slowly turning.
So that opens us all to a lot of progress.
But is it progress in every area of life?
Let's discuss porn stars.
We support them. We support their work.
But would we accept one in the family?
Would any of us enter into a romance with one?
Or someone akin to them?
Redditor Throwaway4561947373 wanted to discuss everyone's thoughts on dating options, so they asked:
"Would you ever date a pornstar? Why or why not?"
I did briefly date a porn star.
It was fun. But I'm way too jealous.
Schedule
Disgusted Season 6 GIF by Brooklyn Nine-NineGiphy"I dated a stripper. Her schedule was the real deal breaker. Well, that and her cocaine addiction, but that's beside the point."
C-C-C-Coolah
"The schedule thing was kind of nice at first because I value my alone time, but after a while the showing up at my house at 530am before I went to work was starting to make me feel really gross."
C-C-C-Coolah
No Mas
"I dated a stripper once. Craziest couple of months of my life. I still have no idea how old she is or what her actual life story is/was. The sex was shockingly tame, but she did have awesome ti*s. Not a chapter in my life I’d like to revisit tho haha."
Climate_Face
"I had a roommate who was dating a stripper and eventually dating her 'show partner' at the same time. It was a very wild 5 months where he got almost no sleep (schedule thing, not sex thing) and eventually said 'no mas.' Turned out there was too much of a good thing."
ksuwildkat
Wild
"I don’t think I personally could. Little too wild of a lifestyle/profession for me."
JessiePeteWhite
"Also, just imagining dealing with the fans that come from dating a regular celebrity makes me feel uneasy. The kind of people who'd seek out a pornstar in public would be a whole other level of cringe."
Poignant_Porpoise
"I wonder how you envisage their lifestyle. Plenty of them live normal lives and just go to work like anyone else. And especially with how many are independent these days the work is a lot more in their control and safer."
Athaelan
Patreon
"I dated a girl who sold nudes on Patreon back in the day. When we first started dating I knew she had nudes up on deviant art, bit didn't know about the Patreon. She never liked going out during the day except if we went to the movies. One day I got the tines for the different theaters mixed up."
"Got there, the next shoeing was in an hour, so we said f**k it and went to the cafeteria (the theater was attached to a mall) and ate some food. Some random chubby dude comes out excited and out of breath calling her by her handle saying he buys a bunch of her pictures and he couldn't believe he was meeting her."
"We were both frozen. I wasn't sure if I was supposed to scare the guy off or let her try to make another sale while she thought I was gonna be pi**ed that she didn't tell me about her Patreon. We laughed about it later."
AshyBoneVR4
About the $$$
Pay Me Kim Kardashian GIF by GQGiphy"Thought about dating a stripper but even outside the club when we just hang out as friends she’s very monetary about everything. If I have to pay a service fee to hang out with you then I’d rather just not."
Keyguin
Always follow the money.
That's where the truth is.
Work
Sexy Jessica Alba GIFGiphy"No, because I'd feel like I was asking them to work whenever I wanted to have sex. I never said it was a rational thought, people."
Froticlias
Do what you Gotta!
"I dated a porn star for a bit. he was straight but did mostly gay shoots because it's higher paid. when he would tell me he had a good day at work it usually would mean that everyone was being cooperative or something funny happened."
night-gloss
"I have a friend that’s a porn star, and she said sex on set is very different from sex with someone you love/care about."
Gogh619
"That makes sense, but I could still imagine feeling like you’ve been touched and simulated so much that doing it more seems overwhelming, even if emotionally you would want to do it. And if you’re a guy you might not have much left in the tank so to speak."
Leet_Noob
For Love
"It's easy to say I wouldn't judge but in all honesty pretty sure many people wouldn't be comfortable, some would be I guess but most wouldn't. I think it all falls down to when you are dating them if you are truly in love enough to allow this or well maybe you like they do that anyway, it's really hard to say in real life."
DemonCyborg27
Lack of Potential
"Definitely not. Whenever I've dated someone, I've been at least open to the possibility of it potentially turning into marriage and a family; I would not want my kids to have to deal with that. Can you imagine going through your teens, with people sending you clips of your mum doing whatever to and with whoever? Your teenage years can be a tough enough experience by their own merit; let alone adding in that crap."
J-in-the-UK
A Current Affair
"A former pornstar and I wouldn't have an issue, we all have a past after all. An active pornstar though would be a serious no from me. I know I wouldn't be able to handle my partner being intimate with another person while they are with me, it being their job wouldn't matter."
votemarvel
Well to each their own.
Just be nice about people's choices.
Adults, who told you that you were going to have to come up with something to eat, three times per day, every day, for the rest of your life?
That fact feels like a false advertisement for life sometimes, but there are ways of making what can be a tough requirement go much smoother than what some of us may be currently putting up with.
Redditor Penya23 asked:
"What are some cooking hacks you swear by?"
Reduce Waste with Water
"Revive veggies that have lost their water by cutting their edges and soaking them in cold water. Lettuce, carrots, and celery will be crisp again."
- Rosy180
"Old produce guy here. Luke warm water is best, then refrigerate. The warm water makes the plant cells open more to absorb more water; while the refrigerator makes them hard to retain water and crisp."
- tjipa84
Buy the Good Scissors
"A quality set of scissors will save you so much hassle..."
- Mitchs_Frog_Smacky
"They should be able to disassemble at the hinge point for cleaning purposes."
- adamadamada
"And for sharpening. I hate MLMs as much as the next gal, but those d**n Cutco scissors my mom has are still going strong 25 years later."
- burnt00toast
Perfect and Easy Stuffed Shells
"When making stuffed shells by hand, mix the filling in a zip-lock bag, then cut a corner off and use it as a makeshift piping bag to fill the shells."
- PApauper
Include That Extra Zing
"If your food is bland even though you've added salt, then it's missing acidity. Lemon juice, lime juice, or vinegar are easy additions."
- PhreedomPhighter
Use the Power of Salt
"Salting your food 20 to 40 minutes before cooking makes a world of difference in the salt permeating the food."
- illusiveXIII
"Pat the meat dry first, then salt. This shift in osmolarity between the surface and the inside allows better penetration if the salt."
- tossthedice511
The Soy Sauce Secret
"I use soy sauce in a lot of stews and soups to help bring out savory flavors. My minestrone, for instance, usually has some soy sauce in it."
- potentialEmployee248
Don't Forget the Cocoa Powder
"Don't knock unsweetened cocoa powder. I add this to stews and chilis, and it adds a rich depth of flavor, and no one can pick out the cocoa."
- rthaw
"Everybody raves about my pecan pie and always wants me to make them for potlucks or gatherings. It’s literally the Karo syrup bottle recipe with a teaspoon of cinnamon, the tiniest dash of ginger, and 1.5 tablespoons of cocoa powder, and it’s exactly like you mentioned, a depth of flavor without actually tasting like chocolate."
- loyalpagina
MSG is Not All Bad
"Try a little powdered MSG. It will make any stew better. Chili and gumbo in particular really benefit, in my honest opinion."
- Red_Spork
"It's not called Makes Stuff Good for nothing."
- aquila-audax
Browned Butter Chocolate Chip Cookies
"Not my tip, but my wife browns the butter before she adds it to chocolate chip cookie dough and they're the best freakin cookies I've ever eaten!"
- dcbluestar
"If my recipe calls for cinnamon or other spices and melted butter, I let the spices cook in the butter for a bit to bloom them."
- screech_owl_kachina
Know the Difference Between Spices
"One thing that took me embarrassingly long to learn was that some spices are fat-soluble, and others are water-soluble."
"When I first started learning to cook, I wanted to figure out how to use each of the common spices."
"I put a dab of paprika on my finger, licked it, and it tasted like... nothing. I concluded that it was a useless spice and took it out of my cooking."
"I was wrong, of course. Paprika is fat-soluble, so when I put it straight on my tongue, there was nothing that could break it down. If I'd mixed it with oil or butter first, the taste would've been apparent."
"We have to be conscious of this in our cooking. Water-soluble compounds can be readily broken down by the saliva in our mouths, but fat-soluble ones need to be mixed with a fat (e.g. 'bloomed' in butter)."
"And a lot of spices (including garlic and cinnamon) contain both types of compounds, so they'll have one flavor on their own, but a different, fuller flavor when bloomed."
- FutureBlackmail
Easy Safety is the Best Safety
"Leaving a potholder on the handle of a cleaned cast iron pan to let anyone who might put it away know it may be hot as it cools down."
- Huntsmart2000
"Ditto for any skillet that comes out of the oven after roasting or braising. A towel immediately goes over the handle to remind myself not to instinctively go for the handle."
- Drach85
Avoid That Bitter Note
"If a recipe says to sauté onions and garlic together at the same time, DON'T."
"Do the onions first, and then add the garlic when the onions are just about done. Garlic can be over sautéed and it takes on a bitter flavor."
- dcbluestar
Prep Before, and Clean As You Go
"Prep everything first. Have all of your veggies cut and ingredients ready. You will be more relaxed."
"Clean as you go. Wash your dishes while waiting for your food to finish cooking. Fewer dishes to deal with at the end of the night."
- Draginia
Nothing Like High-Quality Knives
"Knives, get good knives and a sharpener."
- Pews_TRB
"Also, knife quality has NOTHING to do with how sharp it is in advertising or when you get it."
"If it dulls after cutting a few soft items, you probably got scammed."
- Ciryl_Lynyard
Small Additions Make All the Difference
"If your executive function is betraying you and you rely on microwaveable or premade meals, find something small you can add to make them more substantial and to feel more like a meal."
"Add chopped broccoli to ramen noodles. Cumin and red pepper flakes are great to toss in, too. Cook minute rice with a chicken boullion cube and some butter and pretend it’s risotto."
"My personal favorite is to dump a can of corn into a microwave-safe bowl and mix in a bunch of taco seasoning."
"And if clean-up is a struggle too, use paper plates and bamboo flatware. Disposable chopsticks are super cheap and easy to find online."
"When you’re struggling with depression, fatigue, or anything that makes taking care of yourself harder, taking shortcuts isn’t laziness, it’s how you survive to make those more daunting tasks a little less scary."
"Unrelated: if you’re making a soup or stir fry with lots of veggies, sauté the veggies a bit before adding other ingredients until the onions are translucent. I’m sure there’s some food science reason that this makes soups taste better but I have no idea what it is."
- ThunderDash
"As a multiply disabled person, f**k yes!"
"I swear by those 90 second rice packs. I get Ben's Original (Kroger, $1 sale), as well as Walmart and Target store brands ($1.25 to $1.50). Is it so much more expensive? F**k yes, but it's worth it."
"Frozen vegetables, canned beans, and rotisserie chicken are shortcuts that many poo poo on, but for me, they mean the difference between not eating and eating."
"And my personal favorite, adult Lunchables made from a handful of nuts or a spoonful of nut butter, crudites, and fresh fruit with cheese and crackers/pretzels/mini bread is such an easy thing to throw together and snack on for hours."
- annimdi
While cooking may not be everyone's favorite past time, there are ways to make the whole experience easier, much more enjoyable, and tastier than anything you've whipped up before.