Food Lovers Reveal The Deadliest Edible Weapons They'd Pick For An All Out Food Fight
Food Lovers Reveal The Deadliest Edible Weapons They'd Pick For An All Out Food Fight
[rebelmouse-image 18349494 is_animated_gif=We've all been dying to start one, as per every elementary school movie from the 90s. And once we do, it's war. In war, one has to strategize. What's the best approach to beating the enemy?
Redditor lylekay asked:
What would be your weapon of choice in a food fight to the death?
Here are people's evil choices.
Durian Durian
[rebelmouse-image 18349496 is_animated_gif=On average 8 people a year are killed by falling durians, or something along that line. Durian is the one true battle fruit.
EVOO
[rebelmouse-image 18348859 is_animated_gif=A bottle of olive oil. When the enemy charges at me with their projectile apples I'll make the arena slippery. When they slip and fall I'll break the bottle over their head and stab them with the remaining shards.
Napalm Sugar
[rebelmouse-image 18349497 is_animated_gif=To the death?
A pot of melted sugar. As a professional chef, I've seen that sh*t do some serious damage.
Octopunishment
[rebelmouse-image 18349498 is_animated_gif=My dad told me that grandma used to have this long dried octopus tentacle that she used to whack my dad and my uncle on the buttocks when they were up to no good. Apparently it's from an old octopus that got too big and too tough to eat so it became a weapon of mass punishment.
Deliciously Deadly
[rebelmouse-image 18349499 is_animated_gif=A leg of prosciutto. That hardened piece of meat and bone would be the perfect bludgeoning weapon
Revenge
[rebelmouse-image 18349500 is_animated_gif=A crate of chocolate milks.
It was 10th grade, and I was in the first food fight of my life. I was a square and didn't wanna get in trouble, so my friend and I began making our way across the cafeteria towards the exit. Suddenly I look up, and in slow motion, something is arching through the air, right towards me. It's a little carton if chocolate milk. And it's open.
My friend says he still recalls vividly the look of surprise and disgust on my face as that milk carton struck me, and milk splashed all over my head and the hood of my favorite sweatshirt. He maintains it was one of the funniest things he'd ever seen.
So in honor of that memory, it seems only fitting that I take up the mantle of chocolate milk caster the next time I fight with food.
AKA Baguette
[rebelmouse-image 18349502 is_animated_gif=I'd tie a pineapple to a French loaf of bread with spaghetti as a makeshift mace.
Sharp Cereal
[rebelmouse-image 18349503 is_animated_gif=Captain Crunch. Prepare to be eviscerated.
Someone Call Steinbeck
[rebelmouse-image 18349504 is_animated_gif=The grapes of wrath.
Bugs Bunny Warfare
[rebelmouse-image 18349505 is_animated_gif=A carrot as a "stabbing weapon". A watermelon for the size
Just Cruel
[rebelmouse-image 18349457 is_animated_gif=Supersoaker filled with ghost pepper water
More Napalm
[rebelmouse-image 18349506 is_animated_gif=Molten cheese should be effective as napalm.
Chemical Warfare
[rebelmouse-image 18349507 is_animated_gif=Peanuts because my chances of the other person being allergic to them is pretty decent.
Back To Baguettes
[rebelmouse-image 18349508 is_animated_gif=Doritos stuck in a baguette to make a makeshift spiked bat.
Cocktail
[rebelmouse-image 18349510 is_animated_gif=Vodka bottle turned into Molotov.
Thanks-Taking
[rebelmouse-image 18349511 is_animated_gif=Endless Buckets upon buckets of boiling gravy, everyone will need to get high ground or face the boiling gravy, gravy can turn most bread weapons into mush, and to top it all off I will have dinner with a show.
Combined Forces
[rebelmouse-image 18349512 is_animated_gif=A christingle - it's got everything. The orange could do some damage if you throw it hard enough. There are toothpicks which could cause some bleeding. And, to top it all off, the lit candle could be used to burn someone.
Tradition
[rebelmouse-image 18349513 is_animated_gif=Christmas fruitcake. Especially if it were still shrink-wrapped. They're dense and compact. Easy to throw hard and heavy enough to do some damage.
A New Crusade
[rebelmouse-image 18346597 is_animated_gif=I would own a zucchini sword and using it, I will create a whole army of children who do as I command out of fear of being hit with my zucchini (sounds bad). These children will annihilate all others in their paths because I have so many in my army and they can easily be replaced because there is never a shortage of children afraid of zucchini. Every couple hundred children I will have one being force fed gross amounts of spinach until they are 6x bigger and stronger than the rest and these children would do all the heavy hitting and smashing down of castle walls. Oh and my name will be The Zucc(hini).
Sauce Boss
[rebelmouse-image 18349514 is_animated_gif=Do Sauces count in a foodfight? Especially if they are made from fruits? I would get a spoon and flick one of those super hot hot-sauces at people. Some people wouldn't mind of course but there are some absurdly hot sauces out there that most people would basically be screaming in pain especially if they got it in their mouth/eyes. I'm talking about 2 million Scoville unit sauces.
When we're kids, we're taught by our parents, teachers, and other adults that what we're being taught is a skill that will stick with us forever, so we'd better master it and do so quickly.
But as any '90s kid will tell you, some things like balancing checkbooks and researching out of an encyclopedia really do become obsolete skills over time.
Redditor hollowreader asked:
"Millennials, what skill did you acquire in the 90s that you no longer use?"
Balancing a Checkbook
"I was taught how to balance a checkbook. I remember learning how to do it and thinking there must be a better way."
- no_onion_no_cry
Navigating the Dewey Decimal System
"I was in a new library recently. This is when I found out that not every library still uses Dewey decimal. They were using the library of the Congreve system. Totally different."
- bobjkelly
The Ones Who Get It, Get It
"Be kind. Rewind."
- spaghettibeans
Computer Knowledge Taking Up Memory
"I'm late Gen-X but I have a LOT of computer knowledge that is absolutely obsolete. BIOS and DOS interrupts, actually having to limit memory usage, storing booleans in actual bits rather than a whole byte, Mode 0x13 graphics, ANSI escape codes, all kinds of junk."
- faceeatingleopard
Making Friends
"I mean, really, when do you get the opportunity? I'm at home, or I'm at work. When I'm at work, I'm working from home, and when I'm at home, I'm at home. There's nowhere to go to have a chance to make friends."
I'm not religious, so I don't have a church as a third place. I don't really drink, so that rules out the bar like my grandad might have done. I'm third shift, so even most evening classes or clubs I might want to participate in are ruled out."
"I don't really consider myself an introvert, but the fact is there's just no chance to meet people to make friends anymore."
- BasiliskXVIII
Knowing VHS Tapes Inside and Out
"No joke, I used to be able to tell the grade and wear of VHS tape by smell. I was part of an anime club that had a lot of tapes being traded back and forth, and I developed it simply from observation."
"I now describe this as The World's Most Useless Superpower."
- worldofcrap80
Communicating via Fax
"Knowing how to send a fax. I have not needed to do so in forever."
- i-need-blinker-fluid
Using a Typewriter
"I learned how to type on a typewriter in '94, and before the typewriter, my grandma had me practice typing exercises on a cardboard box with a QWERTY keyboard layout printed on top. I had to be able to 'type' without looking before I could get the actual typewriter."
"I can type ~130wpm (words per minute) with near total accuracy to this day though, so it did end up being a skill I put to use."
- b***h-cassidy
Sudden Career Change
"I started training to be a travel agent. That career disappeared in about three years."
- jackatman
Living Those Commercial Minutes to the Fullest
"Going to the loo and grabbing a bite to eat in the time that an advert lasts and making it back to my seat just before it starts."
- can_we_just
"Related, the skill required to vault over the furniture with your plate of nachos as your sibling yells, 'IT’S BACK OOOON!'"
- latenightneophyte
Reciting Favorite Episodes
"I watched an hour of 'The Simpsons' almost every day since it played twice on my local channel."
"We had so much less access to media than kids do now. No kid will EVER know the lines to 'Ace Ventura 2: When Nature Calls' as well as I did."
- ghloperr
Navigating Paper Maps
"Planning routes using a map. I used to buy an Atlas before a road trip and plan out the routes to take, highlighting them as I went. Now I just say, 'Hey Google, take me to ____,' and off we go."
- isisis
Gathering Those Top-40 Songs
"Recording songs from the radio, but no matter how careful you were, a third of the songs had the DJ talking over the intro dedicating the song to someone or repeating some random caller’s apology to his beloved HS girlfriend."
"The 1982 KFOX top 40, 'Here’s to you, Jessica,' overlay by the DJ will always be associated with that particular song even more strongly than the most powerful commercial jingles."
- Batherick
Using Encyclopedias for Research
"I had a massive history paper to write and I needed the internet and/or library to research. We had dial-up and anyone alive then knows how much it sucked and was more frustrating than helpful."
"Dad wasn’t home and my stepmom didn’t feel like taking me to the library for reasons I’m sure are still worthless, so she told me to use the encyclopedia set we had at home."
"The problem was they were published in 1959. I told her they were useless, but she insisted that 'history doesn’t change.'"
"So I asked her to look up the moon landing."
"I was grounded for two weeks and still didn’t get to go to the library."
- pourthebubbly
An Abundance of Worthless Knowledge
"I am fully capable of writing in cursive, using a card catalog, driving a manual shift car, starting a two-stroke motor, modifying an autoexec.bat file, reading a paper map and navigating with a compass, navigating with a VOR, among others and I haven't done any of those things for a very long time."
- Leucippus1
Not only did this thread bring back so many memories from childhood, but it felt bittersweet to think about all the things we learned that we can't really use anymore.
Fortunately, some of these skills might still randomly come up, like using a physical map when in an area with no reception.
We've all had to deal with a boss or manager who we never exactly saw eye to eye with.
Knowing that keeping our job depended on keeping them happy, the most we could do was shrug off their irritating behavior, force a smile, and get on with our work.
Providing, of course, that their behavior didn't surpass the basic standards of human decency.
But when that happy day arrives that you find yourself with an even better job, and a boss whom you actually respect and admire, it gives you the opportunity to let your true feelings be known to your soon-to-be former employer.
While some choose to take the high road and leave as diplomatically as they came, others have no fear of leaving with a gesture that makes no effort whatsoever to hide their feelings.
"What was your final “f*ck you” to a boss you didn’t like?"
Time To Celebrate!!!
"My co-worker bought cake and ice cream for the office."
"Someone asked what we were celebrating.. and he said his last day."- garethrory
Some People Can't Appreciate How Good They Have It...
"I was thinking about quitting but was holding back."
"I scheduled a vacation with three extra days. It was a once-in-a-lifetime type of trip."
"He rejected my vacation request."
"I thought about it for a couple of hours."
"Went to his office and told him 'I'm taking the trip no matter what'."
"The next morning the boss met me at hr and gave me a formal written warning."
"I responded by giving him my 2 week's notice."
"They apologized and tried to convince me not to leave but it was too late."- likn16
I Hate It Here Reaction GIF by CBSGiphyI'm Out!
"I worked at a dry cleaner for a summer."
"Front desk, cash under table type of job."
"I worked 50 hours one week and he told me he'd pay me time and a half for the OT."
"I go into work on payday and my cash envelope is not in the drawer."
"I called him and asked about it and he told me he couldn't pay me for my work yet."
"I kindly informed him that I was taking the money I was owed, and locking up the shop, and left."- DiamondHandDwight
To Think She Didn't Even Notice...
"My boss and I had butted heads a few times after she took over the office."
"After finding a much better job I handed her a list of my job responsibilities, which she asked for because she didn't understand what I did there."
"'This is too much, we'd have to distribute all this to like 4 different people'."
"And I said 'yea' and walked out."
"Spoiler: she didn't do any of that and was fired less than a year later as the office was falling apart."- ijustcomment
Beat Them At Their Own Game
"I gave him a two-hour notice when I quit."
"He had a habit of firing people on the spot when they gave advance notice."- California_Sun1112
homer simpson evidence GIFGiphyThere's A Time And A Place...
"Working retail I quit at the register on Black Friday."
"I had recently gotten another full-time job and was keeping this retail gig because I liked the employee discount and due to my other job this check was pure fun money, all that is to say I didn't need the retail job."
"My store manager comes over at hour 7 of my shift, with chaos and a line 100 people long, and has the nerve to tell me my up-sales (fishing for promo signups, i.e. rewards, credit cards etc) weren't cutting it for how much traffic I was seeing."
"In front of the customers!"
"I already couldn't stand this B so I said, 'You know what you do it, I'm done' and then I apologized to my coworkers on the way out."- GreedoInASpeedo
You Made The Mess, You Clean It Up...
"As far as my life goes it was the sh*ttiest job I ever took."
"Long hours, a lot of crunch, no company vehicle and a lot of travel."
"Every time I'd go to a different site I would get like 20 different phone numbers for the various people I was communicating with."
"Anyway so all of the contacts for these people was on my company phone that was synched up to my personal Gmail (which stored all the phone numbers)."
"At some point management decided my job was redundant and decided to lay me off without notice and without severance."
"First thing I did was wipe my company phone clean before handing it over."
"A few days later they called me asking where all the contact information was stored."
"'Sorry I don't work for you anymore'."- garlicroastedpotato
Season 3 Nbc GIF by The OfficeGiphyNo Man Left Behind...
"I worked hard over the course of a year to get all my former coworkers I cared about new jobs."- stebuu
No Uncertain Terms
"My exit interview when I was asked the reason for leaving."
"I simply said their name and nothing more."- mixologist998
The Game's Up!
"Sent them to the feds for Medicare fraud and they got fined 41.7 mil."
"This issue was important to me because the physicians were actively charting that their patients were at high risk for drug abuse, which was not the case."
"They'd drug test every patient every month who were prescribed opiates."
"The standard for high risk is based on the ORT, which lists things like requested early prescriptions (taking too much meds), prior negative test (likely selling on the street), etc."
"This company used stupid criteria, including but not limited to, drinking caffeinated beverages, being a current or former smoker, to place a patient in the high-risk category."
"All I could think of was how this would impact patients if they were to apply for a job with a need for over-the-top security clearance, or the patient who got in a fender bender and was on pain meds for a month, then ended up in a nasty divorce where their medical records were subpoenaed."
"This kind of sh*t wrecks people's lives, and for what?"
"Greed?"
"Yeah, nah."
"Not on board with that."
"When I 1st reported it to corporate compliance, I was sent home with or without pay (?) because I 'had a bad attitude'."
"After I got home, the HR manager called me."
"So I reported her to compliance for attempting to make an hourly staff engage in company business while off the clock and reported her to USDOL wage and hour division."
"She eventually got fired."
"And I got paid for the hours I was sent home."
"At that point, I didn't give a sh*t."
"They pissed me off, they were potentially ruining people's lives with the chart records, and I was being bullied by my employer."
"So I just started firing off chart notes from my desk."
"They eventually locked me out of the system, but by then I'd already found another job and knew I'd sent enough to bury them."
"If faced with the same sh*t again, I'd proceed the exact same way."
"As much as I'd like to have received a cut, at the end of the day I probably helped some patients avoid all kinds of disaster."
"And that's an awesome payout."- Darwina1226
Safety Of Others Over Blackmail...
"Mechanic at a commuter airline."
"Boss wanted me to sign off a plane pre-flight inspection."
"I refused to sign because the plane was not airworthy."
"He told me if I wished to continue working, then I'd better sign."
"My response: 'then I guess I don’t work here anymore'."
"I picked up my tool box and left."
"I did report it to the head of maintenance as well as the FAA."
"I cannot reveal the airline, but rest assured, they have been absorbed by other major airlines several times and are not flying these model of planes any longer."- Griffie
It's always a good idea to stay professional and keep your cool while at work.
But when you're no longer under their employ, nothing should stop you from letting your true feelings be known about a horrible, incompetent, possibly dangerous boss.
Advertising can be shockingly persuasive.
Be it a television commercial, a radio jingle, or merely a flier on the subway, effective advertising and marketing can make consumers buy things they otherwise have little to no interest in.
Often to the annoyance of others, who grow increasingly frustrated that some products continue to sell when there are much better variations of the same thing available.
But even if these less well-known variants are superior in every way, their lack of a savvy marketing team results in their coming up short in sales.
With consumers having no idea that they are missing out on a much better option.
"What’s something extremely overrated that people buy anyways?"
The Mermaid Draws Them In...
"My boyfriend might kill me for this because he's a fanatic, but...Starbucks coffee."
"Overrated but extremely successful."
"Probably the factor of convenience and now sentiment with holiday traditions but....I've found many other places where the coffee is just genuinely so much better."- AriesRN
"Starbucks."- NCBadAsp
Loop Starbucks GIF by FrappuccinoGiphyAll Shoes Wear Out Eventually...
"Those new release Nikes."
"They’ve never been all that to me."- TraditionalLet3934
"Shoes."
"Sneaker-heads baffle me, who is spending $150+ on shoes you won’t even wear outside?"
"Makes no sense."- bbbhhioiii
"Yeezys (was the answer several months ago) and Jordans."- Particular-Topic-445
shoes destroy GIF by MuchGiphyHow Often Do You Actually Wear Them?
"Expensive diamonds and jewelry."- Back2Bach
Bad For You AND Expensive...
"As a smoker trying to quit, cigarettes."
"Yes, I know they're awful. I am trying."
"But srsly, Marlboros are near $10 a pack."
"There are people smoking 3, 4 packs a day."
"$40 x 7 = $280 a week."
"That's $14,560 a year."
"On smokes."
"Vaping is just as bad."- Expensive_Rhubarb_87
Ultimately Can't Fill The Void
"Subscriptions to twitch girls."- Few-Illustrator-5333
If You Need To Get Them Insured, Best To Look For Other Hobbies...
"Video game insurance."- DarkMagician-999
You Can Get It From A Tap, For Free...
"Bottle water."- MathCrank
Ultimately, It's One Person's Opinion...
"Self-help books written by people who have only had success by writing self-help books."- Longbowed
It's How They Draw You In...
"Anything in a free-to-play game."
"Looking at you fornite people."- TheSuperDK
Some Traditions Need To Die...
"Husbands."
"In India."
"With dowry."- Gloomy_Tangerine3123
It's easy to jump on the bandwagon and buy something because "everyone else is buying it."
But just because something is popular doesn't always make it good, forcing you to decide which is more important: fitting in or standing out?
What would you add to this list? Let us know in the comments below.
Define the "worst?"
Are they the worst comically or truly horrendous?
Do we root for their crazy antics and snappy dialogue?
And do we still love them no matter what they seem to do?
Reddit was here to share their thoguhts.
Redditor 3GR3552H3LL wanted to discuss what TV characters are just truly heinous, so they asked:
"Which sitcom character was the worst human being EVER?"
Stefano DiMera, from 'Days of Our Lives.'
A true villain.
And genius. Look him up.
Cartman
south park cartman GIFGiphy"I can't think of anybody worse than Eric Cartman."
KermitTheArgonian
"The fact when Scott tells Cartman that they are siblings and Cartman killed his own dad, Cartman cried. But not because he fed his dad to his half-brother, but because he's half ginger. Evil."
eatflapjacks
"I mean he still helped cats that one time and saved Kyle from death to maintain his ego. A lot of serial killers are on sitcoms."
ButterscotchFuzzy460
Bad People
"Frank or Dennis on Always Sunny. I love the characters, but they are worst in a group of terrible people."
yeahwellokay
"I'm currently watching this show for the first time (in season 6), and all 5 of them are just the worst people ever. They all have their moments of being particularly horrendous, but I think Dennis slightly tops the group."
Migit78
"Currently I'd agree with that order. Might change as I see more of the show."
"I do think Charlie will always be at the bottom of the list though, he really is just an idiot that hangs out with a bunch of truly awful people, I think he'd be a better person if he'd fallen in with better people, that's hard to say about the others."
Migit78
Daddy Issues
"Jay's dad from The Inbetweeners."
LiquidShaman
"I think he particularly resonates in a British context, because, just like how everyone knew a Will and a Jay when they were growing up, everyone knew a Jay's Dad too."
spacebatangeldragon8
"He plays the exact same character in The Office, warehouse foreman Glen (Taffy). He does have one of the best lines in the series, when told to stop smoking near a pregnant woman, telling her he won't stop."
"'Just because you let some useless tosser blow his beans up your muff.'"
mankytoes
That's the Point!
"Bojack Horseman is a grade A a**hole, but that’s kinda the point."
_FreshVegetable_
"That show and this character made me so conflicted. I had no idea whether I should consider him a depraved sack of sh*t, or a terribly confused man trying to find meaning."
Siriuswot111
"He’s definitely an a**hole, the story followed him throughout drug and alcohol addiction so as you said it was kinda the point. he was struggling to live with himself and he took it out on others (usually) as people with drug and alcohol addiction do, they took realism into the show and i think they did an amazing job."
L-A-privvv
Bad Guy
family guy dancing GIFGiphy"Peter Griffin is genuinely a terrible person, and I'm convinced his exploits are supported by Lois' parents secretly giving them sh**loads of money."
waffleirondeluxe
Straight Up Horror
Cocktail Martini GIF by ArcherGiphy"Malory Archer. She was a terrible mother, and straight up horrible boss. Not to mention greedy as f**k and self-centered.
"Nobody in the show is a good person... lol. But I think she's the worst."
AdditionKooky122
a malignant narcissist...
"Marie in Everyone Loves Raymond. I've always said that with a few small cuts, a musical change here and there and the complete removal of the laugh track and you could turn that show into a terrifyingly accurate psychological horror story about what it's like living in a family ruled by a malignant narcissist. I've enjoyed hating characters in shows before but sweet Jesus that character makes my skin crawl."
like-stars
It's all Him!
"Malcolm from Malcolm in the Middle. Dude tried to go one week without being an a**hole, and it went so against his nature he started coughing blood. I loved that little sh*t."
No_Improvement7573
"I find many of the stories are about Malcolm being brought down by his pride. He can't admit anyone else is smarter than him and acts out when he isn't the centre of attention."
MagicBandAid
"I feel like they even had an episode about this where he tried to get into music and was genuinely angry that Dewey was better than him at it."
ToxicBanana69
Best of the Worst
"I mean, George Costanza is a crap bag of a human, but he’s supposed to be — and he is somehow both one of the best and worst characters in sitcom history because of that."
chronicpainprincess
"George is a 'short, stocky, slow-witted, bald man' but he still dates women who are way out of his league. Despite this, he always finds the tiniest flaw with them and dumps them. Jerry does this too but at least he's not quite as miserable and obviously does pretty decently I come-wise as a comedian. George is just a pit of despair with no redeeming qualities. He's lucky any woman would even look at him let alone date him."
DaperDandle
She Admits It
Arrested Development Flirt GIFGiphy"Lucille Bluth from Arrested Development. She's great."
princessbizz
"Every character on Arrested Development is a horrible person, some bother to try to hide it, though. Lucille does not."
superlion1985
Bless Cloris
"Lois’s mother from Malcolm in the Middle. Cloris Leachman nailed that role."
chicagoaussie
These are some legendary characters that have graced the small screen.
Who are some of your favorite characters that could be described as the worst?