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Things People Discovered After A First Date That Were A Total Deal-breaker

Reddit user tjeast asked: 'What did you find out after a first date that was a deal-breaker?'

Woman cringing
Photo by OSPAN ALI on Unsplash

As much as we would love to be able to date one person, for that to be the right person for us, and for the two of us to get on with our life together, we all know it's going to take at least a few tries to find the perfect match.

But some of these matches make us want to throw in the towel.

You've got to listen to your gut (and your eyes) when you sense a red flag.

Redditor tjeast asked:

"What did you find out after a first date that was a deal-breaker?"

Just... A Couple... Of Red Flags

"I found out that he had restraining orders against him from not one, but two exes. He also asked if he could move in with me on the first date."

- lalalabeeee

An Ex Collector

"On the surface, he was a lawyer with an Ivy League degree. Then just one layer deep, he had six kids with five different women."

"One of his exes hated him so much that she took their kids to Germany to get away from him."

"And the kicker (yes, more than the Germany ex)? His youngest was six months old and he was sleeping on his latest ex's couch."

- Banjo-Becky

Questionable Connections

"I met up for drinks with a woman, and she started telling me about how she thought I’d get along with her brother. After a couple of drinks, we ended up at the bar where her brother worked. He's a h**l of a guy."

"We kept playing hair metal on the jukebox and drinking beers. She went from saying I would get along with her brother to I remind her of her brother. The more she drank, the more she said it."

"We ended up making out, and she started repeating the s**t about her brother while trying to get something going with me."

"I made sure she got home safe, but that s**t creeped me out so much that I never spoke to her again."

- weeew87

Secret Babies

"Prior to our first date, he said he didn't have any kids."

"While he was driving me home after our first date, he mentioned that he hated letting his baby mama use his car because she always messed with the radio stations and that it took forever to get his seat adjusted back to how he liked it."

"I was just out of high school and wasn't looking to date anyone with kids. With how disrespectful he was during our date, finding out that he had a kid was an automatic deal breaker for me."

"He then kept calling and texting me and after I blocked his number he kept creating new social media accounts to get a hold of me because he wanted to go for a second date and kept bringing up that he was making good money so I'd be an idiot to say no to him."

- 2baverage

Specific Looks Wanted

"My date kept trying to braid my hair, lol (laughing out loud). At first, it seemed weird, but not like a deal-breaker, but then he KEPT asking."

"The first time he asked, we were walking through the park, and I was telling a story, but he interrupted me, asking, 'Can I please braid your hair?'"

"I laughed, politely said no, and continued talking, but he kept interrupting, asking to braid my hair."

"I asked why, but all he said was, 'I just want to braid it,' and kept reaching for my head. I swatted his hand away a few times, and when that didn't work, I told him I was ready to go home."

"It was so creepy!"

- TheDahliaXO

Her Body, Not His Plans

"He told me that he couldn’t wait to have kids with me and that he had picked out our kids’ names."

"When I told him that this was our first date and that I wasn’t sure about kids and that this was a super creepy thing to say to me, he insisted it was my duty as a woman and that it would make me very happy."

"Yeah, there was no second date."

- NymeriasWrath

Just Practicing for Thanksgiving!

"He was a felon. He had a really unbelievable story about being locked out of his ex’s house and he broke in while JUST HAPPENING to be holding a rifle from Turkey hunting. Terrifying."

- _lmmk_

Very Different Interests

"She got off on watching the guys she was with get in fights. She gave some dude the come-f**k-me eyes and then expected me to brawl when he came up to hit on her. F**k no, girl, maybe you can catch a ride home with him."

- discussatron

No Third Wheels

"Her other guy showed up in the middle of our date. She said, 'Can I talk with him for a minute?'"

"I said, 'Sure,' and then walked out the door and never looked back."

- New2ThisThrowaway

Not a Good Morning

"She was married. We met at a bar and left together. We went and had dinner, saw a movie, and she spent the night."

"The next morning she said, 'I wonder if my husband figured out I didn’t come home.'"

"Then she asked me for a ride to work, and I got a ticket because she didn’t wear her seatbelt."

- PM_ME_THEM_TACOS_GURL

Totally Wrong

​"He asked me to pay for his court fees, that was my turn-off, so I wanted to leave to end the date."

"I said my goodbyes, and then he threatened to tell the whole restaurant I was having an affair and cheated on him if I left."

"I stayed in fear of embarrassment."

"Later, I excused myself to the restroom where I made my escape to the door. He saw me from the window."

"I saw him coming out, so I ran a bit, and when I looked back, he was chasing me. (I got away, but wow.)"

- Ok-Ambassador-8982

Supporting the Arts

"He was a really bad magician. He brought cards and everything, but he couldn’t land a trick."

"I felt bad and took him up on a second date, but that was it."

- Durdengrl322

Financial Investments

"He lost a pile of money in crypto and NFTs. But he still tried to convince me to get my money into it."

- hanginwithyuka

"Some people cannot be saved from themselves."

- Creative_Recover

Unrealized Love

"I think she was in love with her best friend and didn't realize it."

"She told me she and her long-time best friend she called her 'wifey' lived together in a single room with the friend's baby. She said that this friend always comes first and they're inseparable. They also have gotten kicked out like three times from house to house."

"She left the date early because whoever they were renting from was threatening to kick them out."

"We never really talked again but I wanted to tell her she shouldn't be dating because she's already in a relationship."

- PupEDog

We've all heard of first date fails, terrible dates in general, and big relationship deal-breakers, but just the same, we can completely understand how these were such major deal-breakers.

From lying about their real life to trying to involve us in something we're not interested in, there are some people who are simply not meant for us because their lives are just too different from ours. And that's okay!

People Who Cheated On Someone Break Down Why They Really Did It

Reddit user miaah214 asked: 'People who have cheated before, why did you do it?'

Paper heart ripped in half
Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

When it comes to the dating scene, most of us have a pretty low opinion of people who choose to cheat on their partners, not to mention serial cheaters.

But that doesn't seem to stop some people from doing the deed.

Curious, Redditor miaah214 asked:

"People who have cheated before, why did you do it?"

Revenge Cheat

"He cheated first, and I was young, petty, and thought revenge would make me feel better."

- Witch_on_a_moped

Immature and Selfish

"Unbridled ego, unsatisfying regular sex life, and a girl who threw herself at me."

"I was an idi*t, I acted like an a**hole, and I will regret it for the rest of my life."

"It was a hard truth to face. It was a dark time in my life where my ego and my immaturity caused me to hurt several people I loved."

"Fortunately, I learned from it, and while I can't take back the pain I caused, at least now I know that I am 100% capable of being an a**hole and so can choose not to be one."

- Seba_King

Insecurity

"Insecurity. I was always on the lookout for someone who would make me feel more desirable than the last. It was a serious youthful lack of judgment."

"Once I grew up emotionally, I realized what a piece of s**t I was and the hurt I caused. Hard to live with, to be honest."

- Penfold_for_PM

Just Desire

"100% pure lust. That’s it. I’m not proud of it."

- mydepressingpoems

Lots of Options

"Willing partners. It was amazing how many times when I did have a steady girlfriend that I would suddenly get propositioned by random women or worse yet, my girlfriend's friends or sisters."

"Too many times to be a fluke."

"It was like they figured if you are in a relationship, you're worth pursuing."

"But when I was single, most times I couldn't get a woman's attention."

"So it was an ego boost, but ultimately, I decided to be a better person, and I met a person who I truly thought was 'the one.'"

"And to a certain extent I did, it just didn't last through no fault of my own."

- Patient-Quarter-1684

In Need of Validation

"When you grow up being in turn neglected and told you're not good enough, validation is like a drug, and intimacy is the ultimate validation."

"Sooooo much therapy to undo this."

- RowhammerBitflip

"This. I’m just recently realizing how I didn’t receive enough attention and validation from my parents and how much it’s influenced my choices. Meeting someone and having them be into me physically is the easiest validation boost I can find."

"People who grew up with parents actually interested in them and with an instilled sense of self-confidence don’t know how good they have it."

"I don’t inherently feel important or relevant so I’m always looking for someone to tell me otherwise."

- tellitothemoon

The Thrill of It

"Because I was a f**king a**hole 20-year-old who only thought of himself and getting some action. The high of it."

"I'm 37 now. No cheating since then."

- Temporary_Fault6402

The Real Joy

"My ex was done in the bedroom and even said they were no longer interested in me physically or sexually."

"I should have left at that point, but with kids and the financial hit of divorce, I just looked to fulfill that need."

"I later divorced, and it was a big financial hit, but oh my god, what a relief it was getting out. Getting out of an abusive relationship is where the true pleasure comes from."

- loomdog1

In Need of Attention

"My partner cheated on me shortly after I had his baby. I wanted to leave, but I convinced myself to stay. The logistics of having a baby and 24-hour care are challenging on your own. He refused to have sex with me."

"At some point, someone got me in a weak spot. Somewhere between exhaustion, low self-esteem, and the sheer opportunity of having an orgasm were too strong for me. I’m deeply ashamed."

"Shortly after I picked myself up, the relationship ended. I should have left sooner."

"Someone telling you that you are beautiful, talented, and special after being invisible can feel like a drug. I don’t expect sympathy from anyone for my actions. But I do have a lot of sympathy for others now."

- throwawaythrowyellow

The Easier Option

"Because I chose a cowardly and easy path. Instead of going to therapy and ending my toxic relationship, I cheated on them with someone who I had convinced myself I was in love with and loved me."

"As it turns out, breaking up with someone is a lot less harmful to everyone involved than cheating."

- dodongosbongos

Devastating Choices

"Not me, but a guy friend cheated and the reason he gave was that he loved his fiancée but they had very different sex drives."

"He also said that when he brought it up to her (the difference in their sex drives and the problems it would cause) she begged him not to leave and insisted it wouldn’t be an issue."

"He told her it already WAS an issue and, as a last resort, she said she would understand if SOME DAY he felt the need to look elsewhere…just as long as she never found out."

"The girl admitted to saying all this but explained that she would have said anything for them to stay together in that moment, she didn’t think he’d actually be 'f**ked up enough to cheat' and she never imagined he would do it so soon."

- Dramiotic

The Perfect Combination

"A perfect storm of poor impulse control, untreated mental illness, and boredom."

"People on the moral high ground will tell you not to cheat for reasons like morality and integrity; from the moral low ground, I can tell you that the lifelong guilt, shame, and remorse are not worth it."

- LowCarbBeesechussy

Emotionally Done

"Because the relationship was done and I was already moving on emotionally. I just didn't care about her enough to care whether she was hurt or not. Honestly, in hindsight, I have zero idea why we were still together. It DID make the eventual breakup a lot messier."

"I was young and it taught me an important lesson. If you're done, just be done and leave. There's no point in dragging it out. If you're ready to start looking for another relationship, start by ending the relationship you're already in."

- codefyre

Ready to Make Up for It

"I had a perceived lack of affection. I felt ugly and disgusting and like I was just an emotional tampon."

"I would never do it again. In therapy, I learned a lot about the reasons I did what I did and in all honesty, if she would even entertain the idea of trying again, I’d spend every day making up for it and making sure she felt more love then can be imagined."

"I’m currently fulfilling into the man I know I can be. I just wish it took a more positive trigger in order to start that for me."

- Anthonys455

Let's end it -- the article, that is -- on a lighter note.

The Worst Kind of Cheating

"My wife wasn’t around. The house was empty."

"I couldn’t wait for her to get home, so I watched the next episode without her knowing."

"Honey, if you’re reading this… I’m so sorry."

- six6sickx

"You're a monster."

- Efficient_Ad_8367

It's so hard to imagine what's going on inside someone else's head or why they might choose to do the things that they do, especially if it's something we don't agree with.

It's at least heartening to see that many of these Redditors used these experiences as learning opportunities and have since gone on to treat the most treasured people in their lives a little differently.

Smartphone showing a lighting switch app
Moritz Kindler/Unsplash

Making yourself feel at home takes work but not as much as you think.

Homeowners, for example, are apprehensive about renovations because of how much costs.

Even tenants renting a home can feel like they're stuck in a situation where they don't feel comfortable because of minor inconveniences they think requires major solutions to fix.

Cut to this Reddit thread, where the ideas for affordable home improvement options were shared that may make you wonder, "Why didn't I think of that?"

Curious to hear some tips from strangers online, Redditor Super_dupa2 asked:

"What small upgrade made a huge difference at your house?"

We tend to overcomplicate things when solutions can be simplified.

Taking Charge

"Methodically buying phone chargers with long enough cables to not have to ever move one again."

– ihadtowalkhere

"I am a pretty mellow dad (benign neglect parenting style for 5 kids) but I have two rules. Nobody messes with my bedside charger and nobody steals my two pillows."

"So, as such, I make many, long chargers available for everybody. It costs me a fortune:)"

– nicktam2010

Hello Darkness, My Old Friend

"Blackout curtains for sleeping. Such a game changer."

– blehbleh1122

"And they keeps my bedroom cooler."

– BunjaminFrnklin

"Insulated blackout curtains make a 10f difference in my living room on hot days."

– TryUsingScience

A Cool Idea

"Attic heat exhaust fan. Our attic used to get up to 140F on the hottest days, and on those days our ceilings were hot to the touch. The whole house was consequently uncomfortable. Now the attic fan is thermostatically controlled to 90 degrees, and the whole house is cooler."

– jermleeds

"I added a passive whirly bird that does the same thing. Heat rises and escapes before it can accumulate to those extreme levels. It also happens to be clear acrylic so now there's always light up there too which helps keep away any vermin.

– cantwejustplaynice

No major bathroom renovations are required to make tenants happy.

No More Slamming

"Soft close cabinets and toilet seats."

– AreWeCowabunga

"We have a soft close toilet seat at our home and every time I'm at a hotel, I completely forget that they aren't usually soft close and the slam startles me 😂"

– PinkHamster08

Nozzle Upgrades Can Do The Trick

"A better shower. If you can't redo the whole bathroom, just replace the head. This also works if you rent, just keep the old one in a box, so you can bring the nice one to your next house."

– maartenvanheek

"I'm a renter and I finally installed a better shower head this year, after just using the default head in all my apartments for almost 20 years. 10/10, highly recommend."

– Am_I_a_Guinea_Pig

Perfect Welcoming Gesture

"My wife and I own a smallish apartment complex . One of the things we do every time a new tenant arrives is replace the toilet seat. I learned that trick from my parents who had about a dozen single-family rentals. It's amazing the goodwill you receive from a tenant simplify giving them a new toilet seat. We actually put the box behind the toilet so they know it's new."

– YouInternational2152

It's electrifying!

Think Smart

"Smart outlets for Christmas lights, both inside and outside. I have them scheduled to turn on at sunset and turn off at midnight."

– Revolutionary-Try746

"Smart outlets are one of my favorite purchases. During Halloween and Christmas, we’re using multiple outlets for inflatables, house lights, and tree lights. The smart outlets allow you to have everything synced so they all turn in at the same time."

– cppadam

Things Are Looking Bright

"Replaced dated lighting fixtures - fixtures are now properly grounded, the interior looks more updated, and there is more/better light."

– SnooCauliflowers9981

Energy Conservation Option

"Motion activated light switch for the laundry room. Never have to worry about turning off the light when leaving with an arm full of clothing."

– AmazingAsian

Creating an environment can make a huge difference.

Source Lighting For The Win

"Lighting can absolutely make a huge difference in the way you feel in your room. Get some shoulder height (when you are sitting) lamps for your living room. You will notice a shift in how much more relaxed you feel when you use those instead of the overheads."

– ShoesAreTheWorst

Home Art Gallery

"Spending a day mounting my artwork. It felt so much more like my home after that."

– GinGimlet

"Every time I've moved, I put that off for way too long, then finally break down and do it and the house feels so much better to be in."

– Triolion

One major upgrade was our VE hybrid tech water boiler and warmer we got from Japan.

The Zojirushi kitchen appliance uses VE, or vacuum electric, technology for very minimal electricity to maintain the water temperature at a constant 195° so we always have hot water at the touch of a button.

There's no more time wasted boiling hot water over the stove every time we want tea or the occasional instant cup noodles.

Game changer.

man with girl on his shoulders

Brittani Burns on Unsplash

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woman making the shushing gesture

Bjorn Pierre on Unsplash

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Yeah, good luck with that.

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