Oh family, can't live with them, can't live without them. Well, unless you want to. With a bonded family comes history, a long, dynamic, entangled often muddied mess. There are always going to be stories that are told incessantly to the point of nausea and usually they will be embarrassing and showcase you during your life's craziest or worst moments. History is history, family is nuts... what are you gonna do?
Redditor u/KitKatKittyBoop asked everyone to drudge up some family history by wondering.... What became known as the "incident" in your family?
The Family Firestarter....
We used to have a wood stove in the middle of our living room to heat the whole house. The thing is, my little brother was obsessed with it. Whenever my dad would go to start the fire or put in more wood my brother would sprint out of his room to try to "help" which means he was tying to pull everything out when it was already on fire.
One day my sister and I were fighting over something and I smacked her in the face with my Barbie Pegasus toy. She starts screaming bloody murder because there is literal blood spewing out of her nose, which prompts my mom, who was putting more wood on the fire, to abandon the stove while it was still open. My budding arsonist of a brother saw his chance and began ripping out the paper and the kindling that she'd just put in.
So the carpet is on fire, my little brother is screaming because he burned his hands, I'm crying because I think I've killed my sister, my sister has passed out on the floor covered in blood, and my mom is ready to kill all of us.
The burn mark on the carpet stayed until we replaced it 5 years later, my brother is no longer an arsonist, and my sister's broken nose healed up fine.
I forgot to mention that my mom put out the fire by stomping on it while wearing flip flops. So there was some melted flip flop residue stuck to the carpet forever as well. egg-nog98
In the of Eternia!
There are a few in my family but I'll share one that always makes me laugh.
My brother was 4 years old in 1984, and was a big fan of He-Man, a character that had an animated series at the time.
At church one Sunday, he was sitting quietly in the pew next to my mom and dad. An older man from the church got up to lead the congregation in a prayer. This particular old man was known for his lengthy purple prose when it came to praying, especially when he had a good sized audience.
He got started, saying "God, our father, of endless power and dominion, author of our faith, master of the universe."
At this, my brother leapt up and yelled "HE-MAN IS THE MASTER OF THE UNIVERSE!"
My mom, mortified, quickly grabbed him and pulled him into her lap, embarrassed. She said she peeked up and she could see everyone's shoulders shaking; the entire church was silently cracking up. Dulcius_ex
Look out Below!
When he was about 5 or 6, my cousin got a sled for Christmas. He was all excited and wanted to use it right away, but my uncle told him he had to wait and use it outside later. My cousin didn't listen and immediately took the sled up to the top of this staircase that sat facing the front door of the house, then proceeded to try and sled down the stairs. He ended up flying off the sled and smacking face first against the door. That was almost 30 years ago (years before I was even born). He still hasn't lived it down.
Same cousin supposedly ran head first into my mom's sliding glass door once while trying to let her dog out, and got knocked on his butt. Also a story he has yet to live down. Motherfickle
Lube it Up....
When I was in high school, my family and I used to drive across Texas to see family every summer. One year, we stayed in a crappy motel in Big Spring off of I-20. We were all in the motel for the first night, and I was using the bathroom. When I stepped out, I saw my dad washing his hands, and my brother getting ready to throw something at the back of my dad's head. My reflexes kicked in and I caught the thing my brother threw before it hit my dad's head. It happened so fast that I didn't know what was thrown until I felt it in my hand.
Apparently my dad found an opened single use lube packet left from the previous occupants next to the bed and threw it at my brother, who proceeded to try to throw it back at my dad's head while he was washing the lube off his hands... until I intercepted it. The packet exploded in my hand and once I realized what it was, I threw it out of my hand where it proceeded to hit my mom who was sitting on the bed... in the face.
It's like a little family bonding story that we tell no one. algatorr
The Girl who Follows....
We were just finishing our meal at a restaurant and got up to leave. One of my siblings wanted to make a dash to be the first one to the car, so she ran ahead of us. This restaurant had a place to pay in the front, and there was a decent sized line formed there. The last person in line was a fairly large sized woman and her son. As my sister squeezed past her and the wall, the woman stepped backward and pinned her against the wall. My sister tried to squirm free as the son of the lady screamed "MA! MA! THERE'S A GIRL BEHIND YA!" I was crying I was laughing so hard. MrAngryMoose
The Christmas Incident!
The first time my mom spent Christmas with my dad's family (who are a bunch of loud and lovable nerds who drink a lot of strawberry daiquiris), she wanted to make a good first impression. So she started up what she thought would be a fun discussion - if you row to the middle of a lake with a bowling ball in your boat, and then you throw the bowling ball overboard, does the water level of the lake rise, fall, or stay the same?
The family barely survived the fiasco that followed. It started out simple enough, with people asserting their view with some degree of civility and humanity. Variations were proposed - what if the bell was wrapped in styrofoam? What if the bell had a hole in it and filled with water as it sank? What if it was a beach ball? But pretty soon the lines were drawn, the trenches dug, and everyone's competitive spirit took over. It got more heated, tempers flared, more strawberry daiquiris were consumed, words were said that still sting 27 years later. Everyone was arguing their side, hellbent on victory and glory.
It purportedly ended when my grandpa (a "stay-the-samer") threw a pork chop at my dad, who was himself a dirty rotten "water-faller."
I still don't know what the right answer is. CSLewis21
Movie of the Week : A Deadly Cousin....
I was a couple weeks old and some extended family was meeting me for the first time. My cousin was sick, but my aunt and uncle brought her anyways. She was leaning over my crib when my mom asked her to back up, which then caused a small argument between my mom and aunt. While they were arguing my cousin proceeded to sneeze in my face. I got RSV shortly after and had to be taken by ambulance to the hospital. I was in the NICU and things weren't looking great, so the doctors told my parents to prepare for the worst. My heart ended up stopping at one point, and I suppose you could say I died momentarily. My cousin killing me caused a huge family fight that luckily has sense been put to rest. However, under no circumstances am I allowed to bring this up at any family events and I find that completely unfair. I went to hell and back for that right! auspiciousgirl
The Crash....
My cousin ran through a sliding glass door when it was closed. I just remember a loud crash and then he was screaming and there was blood and broken glass everywhere. It was pretty crazy. He was ok after getting a shitload of stitches at the hospital. After that everyone thought it was pretty funny and it's been an ongoing family joke that they put a strip of masking tape on the glass door (so he can see it's closed) when he's visiting. rachelgraychel
The Drunk Grinch!
The Time I ruined Christmas. I was in college and went on a complete bender a few days before Christmas. Landed back to my house on Christmas Eve and lifted a pile of beer and said my goodbyes. I was carried home unconscious later that night/early hours of Christmas morning. I wasn't able to sit for the meal the next day and spent my Christmas in bed. It was a low moment. My siblings always remind me of the time I ruined Christmas. I've learned a lot from then and I've thankfully matured. StingerMcGee
Well when you gotta go!
I was young and I wanted to be like my cat so I got naked and put on a black cape and ate fruit loops out of my cats food dish and I peed in the litter box. My whole family walked in on me doing so. simell123
Are we being lazy or is it self-care?
That is what you should ask yourself first, before you judge.
Life is an arduous journey and a constant energy suck.
It was inevitable we'd find shortcuts to get by.
It's all about survival.
Redditor Batman_In_Peacetime wanted to hear about the times we just didn't care enough to try harder. They asked:
"What is a lazy thing you began doing when you realised you can live with it?"
I'm best when I'm at my laziest. Ok, that's a lie, but I don't care.
Zzzz...
"On weekends I sleep for 12-14 hours. I usually wake up a few times but I dream so much during those long sleeps that it’s basically become a recreation type thing and I love it."
HouseOfZenith
Warm it up...
"When I use the microwave, I’ll heat food for 1:11 or 2:22 because I can’t be bothered to move my lazy fingers."
fysicks
"I figured out that my microwave's turntable rotates once every 12 seconds. So, everything I cook is on a multiple of 12 seconds so that it always ends up at the front of the microwave when it's done cooking, and I don't have to reach all the way to the back of the microwave to get my food out."
unittwentyfive
Bang
"When I was a kid on a school day, I had this routine where I'd stick my legs out of the bed and bang around on the floor so it sounded like I got out of bed and then just lie there for a few more minutes."
bewarethechameleon
"Did you also get your toothbrush wet and squirt a wee bit of toothpaste in your mouth rather than actually brush your teeth? If so I may be your mom and you weren’t fooling me or the dentist and you sure weren’t fooling the plaque that attacked."
TigerLily98226
Pockets
"Whenever I clean the house I put on my housecoat with really big pockets. I just walk from room to room and put things in my pocket that don’t belong in that room. Once my pockets are full I go to each room and empty my pockets putting what is from each room in that room."
kindhearttbc
"That's not lazy... that's productive AF."
throwaway92715
Toss It
"I don’t fold the fitted sheet. Just ball it up and place it in the closet."
SpaghettiSquash33
I just see people human. Don't he so hard on yourselves.
12 Hours
"I once watched 12 hours of the golf Network because the batteries were dead in my remote control. I don't know if that's lazy or depressed."
sadbirdfox
I swear I was...
"I was taught to make a bed properly as a child, I swear I was. Hospital corners and everything. I even know how to fold a fitted sheet, thanks to my auntie, who's an Air Force nurse and therefore doesn't consider little problems like 'non-Euclidean geometry' to be a reason not to do it properly. The second I found out about duvet covers, that was over. Sure, it doesn't look as tidy, but five minutes a week plus 10 seconds in the morning instead of 10 minutes a day? I can live with that."
katie-kaboom
The System
"I don't fold laundry anymore. I have a system of laundry baskets like this where clothes gets sorted by type (pants, t-shirts, sweaters, etc). Most of my clothes is wrinkle free, and for the few pieces that aren't I just throw them on a hanger in the bathroom while I take a steamy shower."
User deleted
Genius!!
"Before I get out of bed in the morning, I will grab the top corners of my sheets with my hands and prop up the bottom two with my feet and move it into place. Then I slide out of bed without ruffling anything. Just like that, my bed is made."
Markymark142
"My sister has to do this before she goes to bed at night, even is she made the bed that morning. It's an odd little quirk and mostly harmless."
mel2mdl
Yummy
"Just eating food straight out of the pan."
refrshmts_N_narcotcs
None of that sounds so bad. That sounds... like my life. Don't judge!!
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Be it on a blind date, at a party where you don't know anyone, or sitting next to someone on an airplane, starting a conversation with a total stranger is difficult.
As much as we'd all like to be friendly, far too often we find ourselves at a loss for words.
It doesn't help that we generally have no idea of what these people's various interests are, making it anyone's guess how they'll respond.
But some have this problem solved, finding a go-to topic which is always guaranteed to get a response, no matter who you're talking to.
Redditor Blugged_Bunny was curious to hear what people thought was the best way to begin a conversation with strangers, leading them to ask:
"What is your go-to 'small talk' topic with strangers?"
Did you check the forecast?
"We sure are having a lot of weather"- r_Ju_Tacular.
"As a British person, the conversation usually starts like this:"
“'You alright?'"
”Yeah you?”'
“'Yeah not too bad, weathers a bit sh*t innit?'”
“'Yeah”'.
"The end."- chelstippins
Why beat around the bush?
"Straight to politics and religion."- Turd_Ferguson009.
Just let it happen.
"Make an observation."
"Literally anything."It helps if it’s something about them like an article of clothing that catches your eye, something they’re doing, anything that you can relate to or are interested in but it doesn’t have to be."
"It can be something in the environment that is drawing both of your attention."
"People bullsh*t about the weather all the time."
"Make a comment about it, gauge their willingness to talk about it to you and build off of what you get from the response."
"If all you get is 'haha yeah', leave it."
"No shame in silence."
"Some people just don’t want to talk."
I"f you’re talking about the weather, 'Man it’s a great day out today!'"
“'Yeah absolutely! I drove here with my windows down all the way here!'”
"Boom, you’ve got something to latch onto."
"They probably enjoy getting outside for some fresh air. "
"They probably enjoy driving."
"Ask about their car."
"Ask if they go on drives a lot."
"Ask if they do outdoor stuff."
"What kind of outdoor stuff?"
"Once you’ve got something to work with, the key is to ask."
"Let them do the talking."
"People love talking about themselves."
"You learn some light hearted things about the stranger, they feel more comfortable, and you can add bits and bobs of your own experiences in response so they get to know you too."
"It works in literally any situation."
"From an elevator ride to a first date."
"It’s so easy to personalize small talk and it makes it so much less uncomfortable."- 1arrocknroll.
"But enough about me, what do you think about me?"
"Usually people love to talk about themselves, so a few questions about them and some follow up questions to their answers usually does it."- I_can_see_the_music.
"Food, glorious food..."
"Food."
"People typically love food."
"I mention I’m new/newer to an area."
"And ask them what they like, where they eat out."
"Usually works and people have their choices validated and I always know where to find good local snacks."- TheProfWife.
Can you believe it?
"Did you see that ludicrous display last night?"- housemuncher.
Nothing!
"As a Norwegian - we leave strangers alone."
"No need to bother them."- neihuffda.
The sky's the limit.
"So, do you like stuff?"- Bwon669.
All of these seem like surefire ways to get a conversation started.
But use cautiously, as who knows how long it will take these conversations to end.
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Quality comes with price. That's a fact you can't escape. If you hire someone to fix your home, and want them to do the best job, you're going to have to pay above average prices. That's fine. Pay the people what they're worth for the great job they did. However, we live in a world where everyone is looking for their payout, even if what they've given you is less than ideal.
Don't overpay for any of these.
Reddit user, DrLizardLover, wanted to know what we're paying too much for when they asked:
"What is just stupidly overpriced?"
If you didn't know any better, you would think making office and school supplies was a lot like mining for diamonds in the center of the Earth.
Though, we also know diamonds are a rip-off so maybe that's not the argument we should be making.
Another Collegiate Payment
"College books"
Spooly_Boy
"Especially when they say you have to buy the newest copy every year"
disantiyesnt
Good Thing We're Going Paperless
"Printer cartridges."
DataPlenty
"Apparently it's because in order to make printers affordable to everyone, you must lower their prices. The cartridges are the upsell and is where the profit comes from."
AltaSavoia
We Carry Them Around On Our Phones
"TI-84"
"I could get an old cell phone from a dumpster that’s 10x as powerful. Why the f-ck they still charging $80 or more for these things?"
edgeblackbelt
If living in 2022 has taught us anything, it's that convenience has a price.
And it's high.
$50 For Twizzlers
"Foods and drinks at movie theaters or sporting events"
Icy-Company7718
"I can answer for the theaters. They don't actually get much, if any, of the ticket sales. A lot of their operating budget comes from the snack bar."
Head_Razzmatazz7174
Fees On Hidden Fees For Hidden Fees
"Concert tickets"
"(AKA Ticketmaster)"
Catilily_3141
"I thought I was on the school box office site when I was on one made to look like it. I bought two reasonably priced ncaa basketball tickets and when I went to check out it went up to $70 with fees. Found the school website and checked out for $26 total."
blackcatmystery
Costs A Lot To Be A Woman
"One bra is like…40 dollars"
Noliel_Laicaster
"except i have big honkers so i'm forced to pay upwards of $80 for a bra because the only place I can get them in my size is Lane Bryant or Torrid"
kelsiewest11
"Just women's clothes in general. If I'm paying $40 for a pair of dress slacks, they damn well better have pockets. I have to have black slacks for my delivery job and ended up buying 3 pair of men's pants for $20 each, just to have the pockets."
Head_Razzmatazz7174
What can hurt the most is the idea companies and people will charge you for things you need to have. It's almost as if they know you're willing to pay the price...
Awful.
History Has Funny Way Of Changing Perspectives
"Lobster. Was literally considered food for the peasants at one point in history. They used lobsters as bait on ships"
magoted
The Most Expensive Day Of Your Life
"Anything tied to a wedding"
nickp123456
"Friend of mine needed a generator for a wedding. He booked it as a "corporate event" to get cheaper hire."
"When the company arrived to setup and saw it was a wedding they demanded extra money, because it was a wedding. Same location, same generator, same rental period."
salmonlikethephish
Sipping The Last Bits Of Money Out Of The Dead
"Funerals"
Longjumping-Oil4497
"I definitely think that add-ons for funerals are sold like biggie sizing your happy meal. And the concept of memorializing a person for eternity has been sold as bare necessity. But I do know that the pomp and circumstance a lot of people need to lay somebody to rest, costs money."
"I want to see people honored in their death, but spending $5,000 on a pine box does not make sense to me"
444unsure
People Need Help? Charge Them.
"Mental health services. Blessings upon blessings to the mental health professionals who offer sliding scales."
AphelionEntity
America Gonna 'Murica
"Getting an IUD put in or taken out without insurance costs 1300. Takes 5 minutes to put in and it’s a piece of plastic."
m_hahn_solo
"Wow thats so much. I'm in Canada so having it inserted, removed, and follow up appointments are free. But I had to pay for the IUD. The first time I used the insurance from college so only paid $30. The second time I graduated and didn't have insurance so I went to planned parenthood where its cheaper and paid 230. The third time I had insurance from work and it was free. Honestly all birth control should be free."
Forever-25
Keep an eye on your wallet, since you know most of the world is keeping theirs firmly on it.
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Not everyone is going to believe what you believe. Our own experiences and values add up to make us who we are. Without them, we'd all be the same amorphous blob of consciousness covering the planet in bland beliefs. You hold something in high regard, and that might mean someone else disagrees with you.
Hold your ground, and be ready to die on that hill, kind of like these people.
Reddit user, realduckbutter, wanted to know what you will never let go of when they asked:
"What’s the smallest hill you’re willing to die on?"
What is it about this hill that makes it worthwhile to fight over? Is it something ingrained in your core or something that you can never let go?
This Is Good, Great, And Dandy
"Oxford commas are GOOD and should be EMPLOYED LIBERALLY."
CopsaLau
"I agree with this, I agree with this, and I agree with this."
ajt9104_
Squats All Day
"Nice butts are better than big butts."
Crockpot_gator_Snot
"Shape > Size"
"on that note, 99.9% of of people don’t give a damn about color imperfections or stretch marks. It’s completely irrelevant. The shape is what makes a nice butt."
"Edit: I admit that my statistic it totally made up. I made to say that MOST people don’t care."
bouchandre
Doesn't Hold Up
"KFC gravy isn't as good as it used to be."
AshySlashy902
"KFC isn't as good as it used to be. The biscuits are so hit or miss now."
SuperstitiousPigeon5
Me Am No Good With Words And Things
"It's "I couldn't care less," not "I could care less." If you could care less, you care a little!"
thedoginapound
"That’s what I’m saying!!! People make no sense sometimes"
Rebelsinblacktattoo
The workplace is somewhere you (possibly) go to every day. If there's something about it you like or don't like, don't let it go.
Proper Bathroom Ambience
"Bathrooms at the work place should all be required to play music to help drown out the sounds being made"
zerorush8
"THANK YOU. I’ve thought this for years. Just some simple elevator music. Anything."
"I’d rather hear 10 hours of Yiruma’s River Flows In You than 10 seconds of whatever is flowing out of the poor guy next to me."
jaylward
Better Be Some Money That Comes With That Title
"Don’t give me a “promotion” unless it comes with a pay raise. The only reason I would want a promotion is because I get paid more, not so I can flex my title on ppl"
traws06
"Flex that title into a raise somewhere else"
meanie_ants
So Grateful
"All companies regardless of what industry they're in do their best work and are the most consumer friendly when they're in second or third place in their industry. The 'leader' is almost never the best option."
Nayko214
"The best service and the most exciting food is at two star Michelin restaurants because they’re playing offense not defense."
gastro_gnome
"Cashiers should be allowed to sit down during their shifts, ex. Aldi. There should be no reason why they need to keep standing in place for an entire shift"
kdotismydad
"This is so f-cking American. I've never in my European life seen a cashier standing up."
PercussiveRussel
Whatever it is about these hills we're all supposedly dying, you cannot deny the fact it's super fascinating to see bodies dropping on them.
Do Any Of Us Know What We're Eating?
"When people say “it has chemicals in it”. Your mom is chemicals. Everything is chemicals."
nosmase2
"The whole "don't put it in your body if you can't pronounce it" nonsense is infuriating. An apple has things in it most people couldn't pronounce if you wrote out the chemical composition. And does my having taken organic chem and biochem classes mean I can eat things others can't?"
"Don't even get me started on the anti-GMO crap."
dude_logman
Diamond Eyeglasses? Diamond Cups? Why Stop There?
"Lab grown diamonds are real diamonds. Chemically. It’s purely marketing that makes you pay more for mined diamonds."
ScoobyTrue
"I believe you may be wrong. They are purer than mined diamonds."
"I'm looking forward to windshields made out of diamond."
ScottColvin
*tap, *tap, *tap
"Mobile gaming is better when it's simple games like Angry Birds or Fruit Ninja"
ofsquire
"Yeah I thought I wanted big impressive games on my phone but then I realized there’s no point. I’m never going to play on my phone over a console"
realduckbutter
Holding Up The Line With Your Niceness
"Pay-it-forward drive-through chains are pointless. They aren’t really helping anyone, they’re just making everything awkward."
lassie86
"Im a starbucks barista and like its a nice thing dont get me wrong, but the way our systems work things get confusing and orders or items get lost so people end up getting free but wrong orders :( it also puts the customer on the spot to make a decision to continue or not and i hate that it's so awkward. I always just say hey your order has been paid for have a great day!"
imasokas2percentmilk
It Hurts So Good
"If Q-Tips were not meant to go deep in your ear canal, then God would not have put the g-spot in there"
Virtual-Stranger
Meet lots of people, develop a set of values, then enact those values upon yourself as you engage with the world. Be the person you want to be.
Tell us how you won't let anything go in the comments below.
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