The Family Firestarter.... 

We used to have a wood stove in the middle of our living room to heat the whole house. The thing is, my little brother was obsessed with it. Whenever my dad would go to start the fire or put in more wood my brother would sprint out of his room to try to "help" which means he was tying to pull everything out when it was already on fire.

One day my sister and I were fighting over something and I smacked her in the face with my Barbie Pegasus toy. She starts screaming bloody murder because there is literal blood spewing out of her nose, which prompts my mom, who was putting more wood on the fire, to abandon the stove while it was still open. My budding arsonist of a brother saw his chance and began ripping out the paper and the kindling that she'd just put in.

So the carpet is on fire, my little brother is screaming because he burned his hands, I'm crying because I think I've killed my sister, my sister has passed out on the floor covered in blood, and my mom is ready to kill all of us.

The burn mark on the carpet stayed until we replaced it 5 years later, my brother is no longer an arsonist, and my sister's broken nose healed up fine.

I forgot to mention that my mom put out the fire by stomping on it while wearing flip flops. So there was some melted flip flop residue stuck to the carpet forever as well. egg-nog98

In the of Eternia! 

There are a few in my family but I'll share one that always makes me laugh.

My brother was 4 years old in 1984, and was a big fan of He-Man, a character that had an animated series at the time.

At church one Sunday, he was sitting quietly in the pew next to my mom and dad. An older man from the church got up to lead the congregation in a prayer. This particular old man was known for his lengthy purple prose when it came to praying, especially when he had a good sized audience.

He got started, saying "God, our father, of endless power and dominion, author of our faith, master of the universe."

At this, my brother leapt up and yelled "HE-MAN IS THE MASTER OF THE UNIVERSE!"

My mom, mortified, quickly grabbed him and pulled him into her lap, embarrassed. She said she peeked up and she could see everyone's shoulders shaking; the entire church was silently cracking up. Dulcius_ex

Look out Below! 

When he was about 5 or 6, my cousin got a sled for Christmas. He was all excited and wanted to use it right away, but my uncle told him he had to wait and use it outside later. My cousin didn't listen and immediately took the sled up to the top of this staircase that sat facing the front door of the house, then proceeded to try and sled down the stairs. He ended up flying off the sled and smacking face first against the door. That was almost 30 years ago (years before I was even born). He still hasn't lived it down.

Same cousin supposedly ran head first into my mom's sliding glass door once while trying to let her dog out, and got knocked on his butt. Also a story he has yet to live down. Motherfickle

Lube it Up....

When I was in high school, my family and I used to drive across Texas to see family every summer. One year, we stayed in a crappy motel in Big Spring off of I-20. We were all in the motel for the first night, and I was using the bathroom. When I stepped out, I saw my dad washing his hands, and my brother getting ready to throw something at the back of my dad's head. My reflexes kicked in and I caught the thing my brother threw before it hit my dad's head. It happened so fast that I didn't know what was thrown until I felt it in my hand.

Apparently my dad found an opened single use lube packet left from the previous occupants next to the bed and threw it at my brother, who proceeded to try to throw it back at my dad's head while he was washing the lube off his hands... until I intercepted it. The packet exploded in my hand and once I realized what it was, I threw it out of my hand where it proceeded to hit my mom who was sitting on the bed... in the face.

It's like a little family bonding story that we tell no one. algatorr

The Girl who Follows.... 

We were just finishing our meal at a restaurant and got up to leave. One of my siblings wanted to make a dash to be the first one to the car, so she ran ahead of us. This restaurant had a place to pay in the front, and there was a decent sized line formed there. The last person in line was a fairly large sized woman and her son. As my sister squeezed past her and the wall, the woman stepped backward and pinned her against the wall. My sister tried to squirm free as the son of the lady screamed "MA! MA! THERE'S A GIRL BEHIND YA!" I was crying I was laughing so hard. MrAngryMoose

The Christmas Incident! 

The first time my mom spent Christmas with my dad's family (who are a bunch of loud and lovable nerds who drink a lot of strawberry daiquiris), she wanted to make a good first impression. So she started up what she thought would be a fun discussion - if you row to the middle of a lake with a bowling ball in your boat, and then you throw the bowling ball overboard, does the water level of the lake rise, fall, or stay the same?

The family barely survived the fiasco that followed. It started out simple enough, with people asserting their view with some degree of civility and humanity. Variations were proposed - what if the bell was wrapped in styrofoam? What if the bell had a hole in it and filled with water as it sank? What if it was a beach ball? But pretty soon the lines were drawn, the trenches dug, and everyone's competitive spirit took over. It got more heated, tempers flared, more strawberry daiquiris were consumed, words were said that still sting 27 years later. Everyone was arguing their side, hellbent on victory and glory.

It purportedly ended when my grandpa (a "stay-the-samer") threw a pork chop at my dad, who was himself a dirty rotten "water-faller."

I still don't know what the right answer is. CSLewis21

Movie of the Week : A Deadly Cousin.... 

I was a couple weeks old and some extended family was meeting me for the first time. My cousin was sick, but my aunt and uncle brought her anyways. She was leaning over my crib when my mom asked her to back up, which then caused a small argument between my mom and aunt. While they were arguing my cousin proceeded to sneeze in my face. I got RSV shortly after and had to be taken by ambulance to the hospital. I was in the NICU and things weren't looking great, so the doctors told my parents to prepare for the worst. My heart ended up stopping at one point, and I suppose you could say I died momentarily. My cousin killing me caused a huge family fight that luckily has sense been put to rest. However, under no circumstances am I allowed to bring this up at any family events and I find that completely unfair. I went to hell and back for that right! auspiciousgirl

The Crash....

My cousin ran through a sliding glass door when it was closed. I just remember a loud crash and then he was screaming and there was blood and broken glass everywhere. It was pretty crazy. He was ok after getting a shitload of stitches at the hospital. After that everyone thought it was pretty funny and it's been an ongoing family joke that they put a strip of masking tape on the glass door (so he can see it's closed) when he's visiting. rachelgraychel

The Drunk Grinch! 

The Time I ruined Christmas. I was in college and went on a complete bender a few days before Christmas. Landed back to my house on Christmas Eve and lifted a pile of beer and said my goodbyes. I was carried home unconscious later that night/early hours of Christmas morning. I wasn't able to sit for the meal the next day and spent my Christmas in bed. It was a low moment. My siblings always remind me of the time I ruined Christmas. I've learned a lot from then and I've thankfully matured. StingerMcGee

Well when you gotta go! 

I was young and I wanted to be like my cat so I got naked and put on a black cape and ate fruit loops out of my cats food dish and I peed in the litter box. My whole family walked in on me doing so. simell123

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