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Henry VIII Was Even Worse Than You Know

There are bad kings, there are horrible kings...and then there's Henry VIII. Famous for his many wives and their various chilling ends, Henry nearly tore England apart in his quest for a son. He executed more people than any other English monarch in history, made his own church on a whim, and eventually betrayed basically anyone who had ever helped him. No, "horrible" doesn't even begin to describe Henry. If you want to learn all the dirty details about this ruthless king's rise to power, his reign of terror, and his gruesome end, dive in and discover Henry VIII's twisted history.

1. His Father Was A Warrior

File:King Henry VII.png - Wikimedia Commons commons.wikimedia.org

Henry VIII was born on June 28, 1491, with big shoes to fill. His father was the triumphant Henry VII, who had won the Wars of the Roses, and his maternal grandfather was the fearsome King Edward IV. However, despite how his life turned out, Henry wasn't supposed to step into those shoes. In fact, as far as royals go, Henry was kind of a nobody at first.

2. He Wasn't Going To Be King

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See, Henry was his parents' third child and second son. His sister, Margaret Tudor, was the eldest, and his brother Arthur was the heir to the throne. As the next king, Big Artie got all of his parents' attention, and Henry was mostly forgotten. But, the Tudors had a way of dropping like flies—something Henry's parents would learn all too soon.

3. His Childhood Was Mysterious

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Since Henry wasn't supposed to become king, no one really cared much about him when he was young. No writers, at least. We have almost no record of what he was up to during his childhood because no one bothered to write any of it down. One of the few things we know is that he played a pretty noticeable role at the wedding of his brother Arthur and Catherine of Aragon.

He was probably mostly there to look cute and support his brother. I doubt anyone realized that Catherine would be marrying that cute little boy soon enough.

4. He Lost His Brother As A Boy

Less than a year after Arthur and Catherine tied the knot, tragedy suddenly struck. In what seemed like the blink of an eye, the strapping, 15-year-old Arthur went from healthy to dead. Out of nowhere, Henry, the forgotten prince, was now the heir to the throne of England. Pretty quickly, people around the court started to realize that was not a good thing.

5. He Barely Knew His Father

Henry VII was a good warrior and a capable king, but his fatherly instincts left a lot to be desired. He was far more concerned with running his country than with preparing his boy to do the same. Even though Henry VIII was now the heir, he still had basically nothing to do. He almost never appeared in public, and received very little training in how to be a good king.

That makes sense, because he would end up being maybe the worst king in the entire history of England.

6. He Was A Lazy Teenager

If you had known Henry back then, you probably wouldn't have thought he'd make a good king. He liked to sleep in, he hated work and school, and he only ever wanted to go hunting or hawking. Even in his youth, he spent his nights gambling, drinking, dancing, and playing cards. Maybe people hoped that when he became king, he'd finally learn some responsibility. If anything, he only got worse.

7. He Married His Brother's Widow

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On April 21, 1509, the day everyone had been dreading arrived. Henry Tudor succumbed to tuberculosis, and his son succeeded him. The 17-year-old Prince Henry became King Henry VIII. Awkwardly, one of his first acts was to marry his brother's widow, Catherine of Aragon. It's fitting that the first thing he did as king was get married—because the twisted history of Henry VIII's many wives would be the thing he'd eventually become the most infamous for.

8. He Got Chopping Immediately

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Actually, we're getting ahead of ourselves. Marrying Catherine of Aragon wasn't the first thing Henry did as king. Two days after his coronation, he had two of his father's ministers thrown in the Tower of London, charged with high treason, and beheaded. Henry learned very quickly that 'off with their heads' was an easy way to solve his problems—and a lot more people would get the chop in the years to come.

9. He Was Utterly Sadistic

Henry VIII came to love executing hisenemies. He loved it so much that he had to invent new and exciting ways to do it.

It turns out, the new king could be incredibly cruel—something his many wives had to learn the hard way.

10. He Lost His First Child

Immediately after their wedding, Henry and Catherine conceived a child. The couple was ecstatic, but nine months later, grief replaced their joy. The child was stillborn. They were inconsolable, but this was just a dark omen of things to come. A few months after the miscarriage, Catherine became pregnant again. This time, she gave birth to a boy. Gracefully, this child survived—but even worse heartbreak was on the horizon.

11. His Woes Were Only Beginning

Henry and Catherine's first son, Henry, passed seven weeks after his birth. Next came two more stillbirths. A dark cloud started growing over the royal household, and Henry and Catherine's relationship grew more and more strained. Not even the birth of a healthy child, Mary, in 1516 could save them now. Henry blamed Catherine for his lack of an heir—and it would drive him to dark places.

12. He Slept Around

It didn't take long for Henry to start taking mistresses. He bedded all kinds of wealthy and important women, but his most infamous mistress was a complete nobody. Bessie Blount was the daughter of a small-time politician, but she caught the king's eye and the rest was history. Sure, Blount wasn't particularly rich or powerful, but she gave Henry something that none of his other mistresses—or his wife, for that matter—could.

13. Even The Men Who Wiped His Butt Were Powerful

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One of the most prestigious positions in Henry VIII's court was as one of his “Grooms of the Stool." These men attended to the king's every whim, including wiping his royal butt after using the bathroom. It sounds awful, but being in such close proximity with the king made the Grooms of the stool remarkably powerful. However, such intimacy with the king was a double-edged sword.

When looking for scapegoats to accuse of adultery with Anne Boleyn, one of the king's Grooms, Sir Henry Norris, got unlucky. Out of nowhere, Henry accused Norris and executed him for treason.

14. He Had A Son—But Not With His Wife

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In 1519, Bessie Blount gave birth to Henry's son. She named him after his father, and young Henry FitzRoy became a scandal at the English Court. Most times, if a king gave birth to an illegitimate child, they would never admit it. But not Henry. In a move that shocked the country, Henry proudly acknowledged the boy as his own. People were baffled—but Henry had his reasons...

15. He Was Insecure About His Manhood

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Before Henry FitzRoy came around, people were starting to talk about the king. He'd been married for a decade and still had no male heir. In medieval thinking, maybe that meant there was something wrong with Henry's manhood. In his mind, this illegitimate son was proof that he was a real man, and that his lack of an heir was entirely his wife's fault.

But even if the boy made Henry feel better, little Henry FitzRoy did nothing to solve Henry's marital problems—and the king was starting to get desperate.

16. He Wanted An Heir—And Bad

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At this point, the English court was completely absorbed with what became known as "The King's Great Matter:" Henry's lack of a son. The way he saw it, he had three options: Somehow legitimize Henry FitzRoy, marry his daughter Mary off ASAP and pray for a grandson, or blame it all on Catherine, ditch her, and find someone new.

The third option was probably the most complicated and definitely the cruelest—but it involved Henry getting a hot, young, new wife. Which do you think he chose?

17. He Liked Sisters

How did Henry pick his future wife? Easy. He was already sleeping with the beautiful Mary Boleyn—most people assumed that Henry was the real father to Mary's two young children—so Henry made the obvious choice: Mary's younger sister, Anne! But, he would soon learn, Anne Boleyn was no easy target...

18. He Picked A Heck Of A Woman

By 1525, Henry was completely fed up with Catherine and falling head over heels for Anne Boleyn. However, he didn't count on one thing: Anne wasn't into it. At all. Anne was young, intelligent, charismatic, and entirely uninterested in becoming yet another of Henry's floozies. She resisted for as long as she could—but this is Henry VIII we're talking about. He almost always ended up getting what he wanted—and Anne was no exception.

19. He Was A Babe

Henry VIII was undoubtedly an absolutely brutal man, but keep in mind: He was actually pretty hot. Despite the rotund portraits from his later life, Henry was actually a complete stud in his youth. He was tall, athletic, and incredibly charismatic. Women tended to love him—until he turned on them, at least. So while Anne Boleyn resisted at first, soon enough she fell right into Henry's arms.

She didn't know it yet, but she'd made a terrible mistake.

20. He Decided To Abandon His Wife

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Henry finally came up with a solution to "The King's Great Matter." He chose the cruelest, riskiest, and most complicated option: He was going to leave Catherine of Aragon and marry Anne Boleyn. It sounds like a pretty simple matter, but in the 16th century, it was anything but. Henry's blind desire would end up tearing his country apart.

21. He Disobeyed The Church

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Henry really wanted to leave Catherine, but there was just one problem: The Church. See, the Pope wasn't too keen on the idea of divorce. Henry tried to convince Pope Clement VII that their marriage was invalid, to begin with, but the pontiff wasn't buying it. If the king was going to get a divorce, he was going to do it without the Church's permission.

And that's just what Henry did. He was going to make Anne Boleyn his wife, no matter the cost—and the cost was incalculable.

22. So He Made His Own Church

Flying Buttresses of Westminster Abbey | Westminster Abbey, … | Flickr www.flickr.com

All because he thought marrying Anne Boleyn would give him a son, Henry VIII set off the English Reformation. This massive schism would set off a vicious religious conflict that continued for centuries, but Henry didn't care. He got what he wanted, and that was that.

23. He Abandoned His Religion

Weirdly enough, Henry had spent his life to this point as an incredibly devout Catholic. He'd done a lot for the Church, and they loved him for it—but nothing was going to stop him from getting what he wanted. When it came time to choose between the Church and a new wife, Henry didn't hesitate.

24. He Kicked His Wife Out

Henry and Catherine had been married for 24 years, but in the end, not one second of it mattered to Henry. Before their divorce was even official (if you can even call it that), he unceremoniously banished her from the court and gave her rooms to Anne Boleyn. The king rejoiced, convinced that his problems were finally over—but in reality, he had only taken the first step down an incredibly twisted path.

25. He Was Technically A Bigamist

Henry actually married Anne Boleyn and knocked her up before his split from Catherine of Aragon was official. He'd spent a quarter of a century waiting for a son, and he was done wasting time. Finally, several months after his wedding to Anne Boleyn, Henry had his marriage to Catherine declared null and void. Basically, Henry claimed that since Catherine had married his brother (for five months), their marriage was "unnatural."

Was it a good reason? No. Did Henry care? Not one bit.

26. He Wanted To Send A Message

If this whole affair seems pretty darn shady to you, you're not the only one. In 1532, Elizabeth Barton, a Catholic nun known as “The Nun of Kent” and “The Holy Maid of London,” began prophesying that Henry’s marriage to Anne Boleyn would result in his brutal downfall. She said what many were thinking—and she paid a horrific price for it.

In 1533, authorities apprehended her and forced her to admit that she’d made everything up. Henry quickly had her executed for treason. He then had his men place her head on a spike on London Bridge; the only woman to ever receive that “honor.”

27. His Problems Were Far From Solved

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Less than nine months after their "official" marriage, Henry and Anne welcomed...a daughter. Henry named her Elizabeth after his mother, Elizabeth of York, but he couldn't hide his disappointment. After all that work to finally get a son, he was stuck with yet another daughter. What he didn't realize is that this unwanted daughter would go on to become ten times the monarch he'd ever be.

But for the time being, Henry couldn't pout too much.

28. He Made An Enemy Of The Church

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Maybe if Henry had just ignored the Pope, divorced Catherine, married Anne, and left it at that, things would have been awkward for a bit, then ended up fine. But that's not what Henry did—he took it so much further. First, he formed the Church of England and put himself in charge. Then, he signed the Act in Restraint of Appeals, which essentially said that Rome had zero say in English religious matters.

The pope could no longer ignore what Henry was doing. He officially excommunicated Henry, and the break between the Catholic Church and the Church of England was complete. Oh well, at least his new marriage was going great, right? Well, about that...

29. He Started Having Second Thoughts

Henry VIII found the gorgeous Anne Boleyn irresistible...when he couldn't have her. Turns out, married life was a different story. Anne was stubborn, independent, and had a temper—a far cry from the demure, submissive trophy wife he wanted. And if things got off to a rocky start, they only got worse from there.

30. He Blamed His New Wife

The birth of Princess Elizabeth was a huge disappointment for Henry. Anne got pregnant again soon after—but if Elizabeth was disappointing, this next pregnancy was a disaster. Anne had a miscarriage in 1534, and Henry was not pleased. He'd left his wife of 24 years just so Anne could give him a son, and now she couldn't even do that! Was it her fault? Of course not, but there was no telling Henry that.

Anne's miscarriage cast a shadow over the entire English court—but dark rumors suggested things were even more twisted than they seemed.

31. Anne Might Have Had A Secret

Anne Boleyn wasn't exactly happy with her marriage, but she was smart enough to know that angering Henry wasn't in her best interest. She was desperate to give him a son—and some people believe she was willing to do anything to make it happen. Many in England didn't believe that Anne had had a miscarriage at all. Rather, they claimed she lied about the whole pregnancy.

And, if Anne's baby problems weren't enough, her sister was still out there making things a whole lot more difficult.

32. His Old Mistress Embarrassed Him

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Mary Boleyn didn't just disappear after Henry cast her aside. Awkward as it may have been, she was still the Queen's sister and an important part of the royal household. But Mary played by her own rules, to the fury of both Henry and her sister. She was difficult at the best of times—but when the king and queen discovered the secret she'd been hiding from them, they had finally had enough.

Mary Boleyn had fallen in love with a lowborn soldier and secretly married him. This erased any chance of Henry using her in a political match. Both he and Anne were livid, and they made Mary pay for it.

33. He Nearly Erased Her From History

Henry Carey, Husband of Mary Boleyn, Brother in law of Ann… | Flickr www.flickr.com

If there's a reason most people don't know much about Mary Boleyn, it's probably because of her dark end. When Henry and Anne found out that Mary had married a commoner, they banished her from court forever. Mary went from a life of luxury to utter obscurity overnight. She never saw her sister again, and she passed a few years later, completely forgotten.

34. He Kept Sleeping Around

VIII. Henrik angol király – Wikipédia hu.wikipedia.org

How did Henry VIII cope with his miserable marriage to Anne Boleyn? The same way he'd coped with his miserable marriage to Catherine of Aragon: Mistresses. As his union with Anne started falling apart, he fell into the arms of a minor lady named Madge Shelton. However, some historians differ and claim it was Madge's sister Mary. Maybe it was both—we know that Henry had a thing for sisters...

35. An Accident Made Everything Go Wrong

The tension in Henry VIII's court came to a boiling point around the New Year in 1536. Anne Boleyn was pregnant yet again, totally aware that if the child was not a son, her days were numbered. Things were tense enough as it is, then one day, news of a terrible accident reached the palace. During a jousting tournament, a rival had knocked Henry off his horse, leaving him horribly injured.

That accident would change Henry forever. If he'd been cruel before, he was about to take things to a whole new level.

36. He Lost Another Son

When Anne heard about Henry's accident, it shocked her so much that she suffered another miscarriage. And, to put salt in the wound, doctors revealed that the child had been a boy who potentially could have ended the Queen's woes. In a strange twist of fate, the miscarriage happened on the exact same day that Catherine of Aragon, Henry's forgotten first wife, passed of a mysterious illness.

Not only did Anne mourn the loss of her child, she knew that she probably wouldn't get another chance. Still, no one expected Henry's response to be as disturbing as it was.

37. He Let His New Mistress Move In

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Even though his wife recovered from her miscarriage, Henry was clearly done with her. First, he began refusing to grant political offices to her family. Then, in an unprecedented move, he moved his latest mistress, the 28-year-old Jane Seymour, into swanky new rooms in his palace. It was basically a slap in the face for Anne—but if that had been the end of it, she should have considered herself lucky.

38. He Accused His Wife

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Henry finally did what his wife so feared in the spring of 1536. He had Anne, her brother, and four other men thrown in the Tower of London. The courts accused each of the men (including her own brother) of sleeping with the queen, an act of treason. Henry accused Anne of adultery as well, along with witchcraft for good measure.

39. He Beheaded His Own Queen

The execution of Anne Boleyn, German engraving circa 1630 | Flickr www.flickr.com

There was essentially no evidence for any of these accusations, but since when had Henry ever needed evidence? The headsman claimed the five men on May 17, 1536, and Anne followed suit two days later. A crowd gathered to watch this never-before-seen spectacle: The Queen of England herself, beheaded.

40. He Moved On Quick

In a move that surprised no one, the 45-year-old Henry VIII became engaged to the almost 20-years-younger Jane Seymour the day after Anne Boleyn's passing. Their marriage took place 10 days later. For any other king, this would have been a scandal beyond measure—but for Henry, this was pretty much just business as usual.

So, after two catastrophic marriages, this would finally be the one that would work out, right? What do you think...

41. He Finally Had A Son

Henry VIII's marriage to Jane Seymour got off to the best possible start. On October 12, 1537, Seymour gave birth to a...wait for it...boy! The entire nation breathed a sigh of relief as Prince Edward finally meant an end to the chaos that had lasted nearly a decade at this point. But it took less than two weeks for tragedy to strike, throwing Henry's court into upheaval once again.

42. But He Paid A Terrible Price

Jane Seymour had access to the best doctors in England—but unfortunately, the best doctors in 1537 weren't worth that much. Edward's birth was agonizing, and the queen suffered a terrible infection. The doctors proved helpless, and Henry had to watch as his beloved wife—the first to give him a healthy son—withered away.

Jane Seymour succumbed to her infection on October 24. Unfortunately, that meant yet another poor woman would end up calling Henry VIII her husband.

43. Not That He Cared

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Jane Seymour passed from this life with her head still intact, but don't go thinking that Henry actually cared for her. During her agonizing labor, doctors told the king that it may come down to saving either the child or the queen. Henry's reply was utterly heartless: "If you cannot save both, at least let the child live,” he said. Twisting the knife in, he then added, “For other wives are easily found.”

Henry got what he wanted, and the child lived instead of the mother—but karma would come for him soon enough.

44. He Grew Darker By The Day

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Jane Seymour's demise marked a change in Henry VIII. A divorce and a fatal childbirth had finally made their mark on him.

He began growing morbidly obese and started suffering from diabetes and gout. His mood somehow grew even darker, and he became paranoid and irrational. He'd never been a ray of sunshine, but this is the point where Henry became truly deranged.

45. He Had A Really Crafty Ally

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There weren't many people left whom Henry trusted, but one of them was his shifty spymaster, Thomas Cromwell. Cromwell had been scheming behind the scenes all this time, engineering the biggest moments of Henry's reign. He arranged the annulment of Henry's marriage to Catherine of Aragon, he masterminded the Reformation, and he helped poison Henry's mind against Anne Boleyn.

Cromwell was as ambitious as he was ruthless—and he was maybe the worst person to have around when Henry took a turn for the worse.

46. He Became Paranoid

As Henry VIII was growing fat, ill, and paranoid, Thomas Cromwell was right next to him, whispering into his ear and fueling the king's suspicions. Henry started perceiving threats to his crown around every corner—and this was a guy who executed people at the drop of a hat at the best of times. England became a terrifying place to be.

Maybe the nation hoped if the king found a new wife he would go back to his regular amount of crazy. Nope.

47. His Advisor Made A Horrible Mistake

Thomas Cromwell was one of the most powerful men in England—until he suggested Henry marry the 25-year-old German Duchess Anne of Cleves. It seemed like a perfect match, and Anne's father could prove a vital ally if a religious war happened to break out. There was only one problem:

Political marriages were all well and good, but Henry wasn't about to marry someone he'd never even seen! What if she was ugly?! But don't worry, Cromwell had the perfect solution...

48. He Agreed To A Marriage Without Meeting Her

If a picture's worth a thousand words, a portrait's gotta be worth, I don't know, at least 300? Henry sent one of the best portrait artists in the world to paint Anne so he could judge her for himself. When the painting finally made it back to him—along with Thomas Cromwell's assurances that Anne was basically his dream gal—Henry was finally convinced.

Little did he know, he was in for a rude awakening.

49. He Regretted The Decision Instantly

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Reportedly, when they finally met, Henry VIII took one look at Anne of Cleves and realized he'd made a horrible mistake. Whether it was her looks or her personality, Henry was already looking for an exit before they'd even tied the knot. They lasted a whopping six months, and if we're to believe Henry's word, they didn't even consummate the union.

The whole affair left a sour taste in Henry's mouth—and he was looking for someone to blame. Maybe the guy who suggested Anne in the first place?

50. He Made His Wife His Sister

Anne of Cleves, Queen of England | Rosenback Museum portrait… | Flickr www.flickr.com

In one of the most awkward titles in history, after Henry annulled his marriage to Anne of Cleves, he dubbed her "The King's Sister." As far as consolation prizes go, that's about as bad as they get. But don't worry—in the end, Anne would end up getting the last laugh. She was one of the rare wives who actually managed to outlive Henry VIII.

51. His Next Wife Was The Youngest Yet

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Whatever it was, Anne of Cleves just didn't do it for the now-46-year-old Henry. But you know who did? The 17-year-old Catherine Howard. Apparently, Henry realized that political marriages weren't for him and went back to marrying whoever he had the hots for. But not everyone was happy about this latest match.

52. His Advisor Made One Too Many Mistakes

Thomas Cromwell made the Anne of Cleves match happen, only to watch as it went up in flames almost immediately. Then, to make things worse, Henry started chasing Catherine Howard. What's so bad about that? Howard happened to be the Duke of Norfolk's niece, and the Duke of Norfolk happened to be one of Cromwell's biggest political rivals.

Suddenly, Cromwell started to feel the walls closing in around him—but he didn't yet realize how bad things had gotten.

53. He Sent Cromwell A Message

First, Henry ditched the wife Cromwell chose for him. Next, he started eyeing a girl related to one of Cromwell's biggest enemies. If Cromwell didn't see the writing on the wall, Henry's next chilling act certainly made it clear: Henry had three of Cromwell's cronies ended for heresy. No one knows exactly why Henry turned on his biggest ally so abruptly—but this is the insane Henry VIII we're talking about, did he really need a reason?

When he finally betrayed Thomas Cromwell for good, it was absolutely brutal.

54. He Betrayed His Closest Ally

Thomas Cromwell spent his final days looking over his shoulder wherever he went. He'd made a lot of enemies during Henry's reign of terror, and the tides had finally turned. The Duke of Norfolk and Cromwell's other rivals finally convinced Henry that his one-time advisor had to go. The king, still sore about Anne of Cleves, didn't take much convincing. Henry charged Cromwell with treason and a pile of other trumped-up accusations.

In the end, despite everything he'd done for Henry, Cromwell met the same fate as everyone else who got in the murderous king's way.

55. He Got Two Birds With One Stone

Six Wives of Henry VIII, Postcard, Hever Castle, Kent, Eng… | Flickr www.flickr.com

Henry didn't even bother to show up at his friend's end—he was busy getting married for the fifth time! He tied the knot with Catherine Howard the very same day. Not only was she less than half his age, she was also Anne Boleyn's cousin and former lady-in-waiting. Awkward...

The timing of the nuptials even allowed Henry to give his wife a particularly nice wedding gift: He gave his new queen all of Thomas Cromwell's lands! Not like he using them anymore.

56. His Latest Wife Turned The Tables

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Catherine Howard ended up meeting a similarly dark fate to Henry VIII's other wives, but at least she gave him a taste of his own medicine. See, while Catherine hadn't yet turned 20, she still managed to get around. She had several notorious affairs even before she married Henry, and putting a ring on it didn't slow her down one bit.

But, as she would learn, crossing Henry VIII rarely ended well.

57. He Didn't Believe His Wife Would Cheat

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Almost as soon as she wed Henry, Catherine Howard began an affair with one of his courtiers, a man by the name of Thomas Culpeper. Since there are no secrets in a royal palace, news of the tryst soon got back to the king. This time though, it seems as though Henry was head-over-heels in a way he hadn't been in years. He refused to believe the rumors and stood by his queen.

Soon enough though, a man from Catherine's past would seal her fate for good.

58. He Couldn't Deny The Truth

Before she was a queen, Catherine Howard had had an affair with another Tudor courtier, Francis Dereham. They'd actually been engaged at one point before Catherine caught the king's eye. Strangely, Howard hired Dereham to work for her when she married Henry—and it turned out to be the last mistake she'd ever make.

Dereham confessed to having an affair with Catherine in the past—but even worse, he outed her relationship with Culpeper. Finally, Henry had to admit the truth: After years of cheating on his wives, this time, he was the one wearing the horns.

59. His Wife Tried To Save Herself

Give her credit, Catherine Howard didn't go down without a fight. When officials questioned her about Dereham's claims, she came back at him twice as hard. She claimed she never cared for him, and in fact that he'd forced her into an adulterous relationship against her will. We'll never know the whole truth of what went on between them. All we know is what happened next.

Henry charged Catherine, Dereham, and Culpeper with treason and off with their heads.

60. She Begged For Mercy

Allegedly, Catherine Howard did not take the news that she was going to lose her head well. The now-19-year-old queen allegedly broke free from her guards and ran through the halls, screaming for Henry to show her mercy. She never made it to him, however—in fact, she would never see the king again.

According to legend, her ghost remains in those same halls to this day, and people have often claimed to have heard her screams for mercy in the infamous Haunted Gallery.

61. He Beheaded Yet Another Queen

brown brick building under blue sky during daytime Photo by Paul Rigby on Unsplash

No amount of screaming could save Catherine or her two lovers from their fate. On February 13, 1542, Henry had all three of them beheaded. That makes five wives down, two of them by Henry's own hand. You'd think he'd finally call it quits at this point. After all, he had an heir, he was growing old, fat, and infirm, and fate didn't seem to be on his side.

But when it came to women, Henry VIII couldn't help himself. He just had to have one last go at it—and finally, this time, Henry would be the one who didn't make it out of the marriage alive.

62. He Actually Did Some Stuff Other Than Get Married

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It might be hard to believe at this point, but Henry was actually, you know, a king while all of this wife-swapping was going on. That means in between beheading innocent women, Henry also had a country to run. Surprisingly, Henry actually found time to be something of a capable military leader—which came in handy in 1542, when decades of tension finally boiled over into outright conflict with Scotland.

For once, Henry set his mind to something other than a woman, and sought to take Scotland for his own—but of course, with Henry VIII, things were never that easy.

63. He Wanted Scotland

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After defeating the Scots at the Battle of Solway Moss, Henry tried to take the Scottish crown the easy way. He suggested a marriage between Mary, Queen of Scots, and his son Edward. Wouldn't you know it, that would make Edward King of both England and Scotland. It would have put an end to the ceaseless fighting between England and Scotland—but the Scots weren't going to give up that easy.

The Scottish Parliament rejected the marriage. In Henry's mind, that meant they opted for "the hard way." The two countries broke out into open war—and the fighting would go on for the rest of Henry's life.

64. He Juggled Wars

Getting the Scottish crown would be nice, but it still wasn't enough for a man of Henry's appetite. While the conflict with Scotland raged on, Henry also decided to team up with Charles V, Holy Roman Emperor, and invade France. Remarkably, for a man of his age, size, and lack of experience with martial matters, Henry personally led his men to a remarkable victory at Boulogne.

Henry had won the single biggest victory of his entire life—but like with everything else in his life, he still managed to screw it up for himself.

65. He Actually Won Something

Henry and Charles had a falling out, which led to Charles making peace with France and abandoning the English king in enemy territory. The French tried to turn the tide and invade England while Henry was away, but the English forces turned them back. Finally, the French king had to concede defeat and sign the Treaty of Camp. This officially made Boulogne an English territory...for about a second.

66. It Was All For Nothing

As soon as the French gave Henry Boulogne, he sold it right back to him. See, turns out, wars are expensive, and even though Henry won, he went flat-broke doing it. In the end, the whole business, including who knows how many dead soldiers, ended up accomplishing basically nothing.

Speaking of a bunch of deaths accomplishing basically nothing, let's get back to Henry's love life, because there's still one more wife to go.

67. His Last Marriage Was The Least Dramatic

File:Catherine Parr from NPG cropped.jpg - Wikimedia Commons commons.wikimedia.org

In July 1543, Heny VIII wed for the last time. His latest bride was Catherine Parr, and she couldn't have been more different from Henry's previous wives. First of all, she was almost age-appropriate, at 31 years old. She was also remarkably stable, compared to his previous wives. There were no wild cheating scandals or swirling rumors.

In fact, Catherine Parr managed to do something none of Henry's other wives ever did: She made a somewhat decent man out of him.

68. He Made Up With His Kids

Queen Mary I, daughter of Henry VIII and Catherine of Arag… | Flickr www.flickr.com

Years earlier, as a way of sticking it to his various hated wives, Henry had cut his two daughters, Mary and Elizabeth, out of the line of succession. They spent the subsequent years in a tense limbo, unsure if their father would turn on them. Parr made Henry bury the hatchet with his two daughters, and he finally brought them back into the line of succession.

So basically, without Catherine Parr, England would have missed out on Queen Elizabeth, one of its greatest monarchs ever.

69. He Became Grotesque In His Old Age

King Henry VIII in old age | after Hans Holbein the Younger,… | Flickr www.flickr.com

While the young Henry VIII had been quite the piece of meat, the old Henry VIII was a different story entirely. By this point, his waist had ballooned to 54 inches, and he could barely even walk. He needed attendants to wheel him around wherever he went. The weight was just the beginning of his problems, though: The worst part was the gout, which left him covered in excruciating, pus-filled boils.

Finally, Henry VIII looked as bad on the outside as he was on the inside.

70. His End Wasn't Pretty

Anyone who knew Henry VIII near the end could tell that the grim reaper wouldn't be long. He passed of an illness related to his obesity at age 55. With that, Catherine Parr and Anne of Cleves could at least claim they were the only wives to outlive the murderous king. In a surprising request, Henry asked his attendants to bury him right next to Jane Seymour, the only wife he didn't abandon.

Goes to show, after all of his wives, there was only one thing Henry actually cared about: He wanted lay next to the one wife who gave him a son.

71. His Last Words Were Mysterious

Historians have no official record of Henry's final words, but rumors persisted that he cryptically cried “Monks! Monks! Monks!” before his final breath left him.

72. His First Son Almost Became A Prince

Ever wonder what happened to Henry FitzRoy, the illegitimate son who caused such a stir in Henry's younger days? Turns out, he lived through more scandals than just his birth. Back before Henry had a legitimate heir, he strongly considered acknowledging FitzRoy. He wanted a male heir—and he was willing to go to utterly disturbing lengths to make sure it happened.

73. He Almost Married His Son And Daughter

File:Queen Mary I from NPG.jpg - Wikipedia en.wikipedia.org

Even though FitzRoy was born out of wedlock, Henry spoiled him rotten—something that infuriated his then-wife, Catherine of Aragon. This is when a cardinal suggesting a twisted solution to all of the couple's problems: Marry FitzRoy to his half-sister, Henry and Catherine's daughter Mary. This would strengthen FitzRoy's claim to the throne, making Henry happy. It would also ensure Mary ended up on the throne herself, making Catherine happy.

In the end, they didn't go through with it. Henry VIII did a lot of seriously messed up things, but thankfully, forcing his son and daughter to get married was not one of them.

74. He Cast Aside His Most Famous Mistress

Memorial brass of Elizabeth Blount, mistress of Henry VIII… | Flickr www.flickr.com

Speaking of Henry FitzRoy, there's also the sad fate of his mother, Bessie Blount. At one time, Blount was Henry's most infamous mistress—and that made her an incredibly powerful woman. She had the king's ear at a time when he listened to no one else. But, as much as Henry liked women, he grew tired of them incredibly quickly. Though he cared for her once, Blount's fall from grace was total.

Henry unceremoniously tossed Blount aside when he was done with her, and she passed in utter obscurity. Her story has nearly been wiped from history, and even her burial place is unknown.

75. There Might Be More To Anne Of Cleves' Story

Portrait of Anne of Cleves (1648) | Fourth wife of King Henr… | Flickr www.flickr.com

Anne of Cleves is now infamous as Henry’s rejected queen, but was it really so simple as "Henry found her ugly and cast her aside?" Modern historians suggest a more disturbing reason for his disgust. Anne’s first meeting with Henry was a diplomatic blunder:

Making their way to London, Anne’s party stopped on New Year’s Day 1540 at Rochester, where she took time to look at bull-baiting from the window. Suddenly, an old burly stranger entered the room—and everything went horribly wrong.

76. He Disguised Himself

You see, this stranger was really Henry VIII in disguise. He had wanted to creep in and get a sneak peek of his new bride-to-be. He also expected that she would see through his costume via the power of “true love”…or something. Spoiler: This was not a good idea. When he approached Anne, her response made his blood run cold.

77. She Shut Him Down

Depending on the account, either Henry tried to get Anne’s attention and she politely ignored him, or he outright tried to kiss, which understandably horrified the young woman. Either way, it was a disaster, and Henry left the encounter angry, embarrassed, and possibly ready to take revenge…

78. He Never Forgave Her

Some modern historians believe that this ill-fated early encounter between Anne of Cleves and Henry VIII sealed her fate. According to them, Anne’s lack of enthusiasm for Henry (even in disguise) made the king put up his defenses. If he didn't impress her, he may have decided she didn't impress him either, no matter what. And the rest, as they say, is history.

80. His First Wife Met A Gruesome End

File:Trial of Catherine of Aragon.jpg - Wikimedia Commons commons.wikimedia.org

Catherine of Aragon got out of her marriage to Henry VIII alive, but she didn't last too long afterward. She passed just a few years later, and her demise was utterly mysterious in its time. While preparing her body for burial, her embalmer noticed the body looked in perfect health—save for her heart, which had turned black.

The ghastly and seemingly fatal condition, coupled with Catherine’s premonitions of her own end, led people to some dark rumors about her end…

81. People Thought It Wasn't An Accident

clear glass bottle on brown wicker basket Photo by v2osk on Unsplash

After witnessing her strange condition, those loyal to Catherine and disloyal to Henry and Anne Boleyn started whispering that the Royal Couple 2.0 had poisoned Catherine in a chilling act of self-service, leading the “Dowager” to die poetically of a broken heart. Modern historians, however, believe a much different story.

82. He Destroyed Her Heart

Most experts today believe that rather than foul play, Catherine passed of cancer of the heart; sometimes it can turn the heart black. If nothing else, that would be an incredibly poetic end for a wife of Henry VIII.

83. Catherine Howard's Final Words Cut Deep

One of the most persistent legends about Henry VIII's wives is the final words of Catherine Howard. According to popular folklore, her last words were, "I die a Queen, but I would rather have died the wife of Culpeper". However, no eyewitness accounts support this, instead reporting that her last utterance was a whole lot more heartbreaking.

Instead of that defiant cry, Howard spent her final moments asking for forgiveness for her sins and acknowledging that she deserved to die "a thousand deaths" for betraying the king, who had always treated her so graciously.

84. Anne Boleyn Made A Final Plea At The End

At the end of the day, the most infamous of Henry's spurned wives has to be Anne Boleyn—but her end was even worse than people realize. After four days in the Tower of London, Boleyn bundled up a package and gave it to her guard to deliver to the king. It was a letter, and her very last to Henry. In it, she plead for mercy, writing that “never prince had wife more loyal in all duty, and in all true affection, than you have ever found in Anne Boleyn.” She also made one final heartbreaking request.

85. She Begged For Mercy

Anne Boleyn, Queen of England, French Hood Template | Flickr www.flickr.com

In her final letter to King Henry, Boleyn begged him to think of their daughter Elizabeth, and then she humbly asked that Henry, if he went through with it, would still spare the lives of her brother and the other men accused of being her lovers. It’s a gut-wrenching revelation: At her core, until the very end, Boleyn was truly selfless. But it didn’t go her way. The men met the axe the same as her.

Unfortunately, she married Henry VIII, England's murderous king. She never stood a chance.

Infamous Internet Rumors That Ended Up Being True

Reddit user strakerak asked: 'What started out as an internet rumor that ended up being infamously true?'

boy playing at laptop inside room
Photo by Ludovic Toinel on Unsplash

In 2017, I returned to my office after my lunch break to hear my supervisors discussing Tom Petty. This seemed like a random topic to me until one of my supervisors told me Tom Petty had passed away. He was a huge fan of Petty and spent the next hour or so combing through the internet to get more information.

He came back into the room my other supervisor and I were working in and announced that Tom Petty wasn't dead after all. News outlets had jumped the gun to announce his death, but he was actually still alive.

The next day, I came in to find out that Tom Petty was dead; the news may have been premature, but true.

This is a classic example of the rumor being started on the internet. Sometimes, like with the news of Tom Petty's death, the rumor can run wild and appear everywhere. Other times, the rumor can be seen by just a few people and dismissed. However, a lot of times, these rumors turn out to be true.

Redditors know a lot of internet rumors that turned out to be true, and are eager to share.

It all started when Redditor strakerak asked:

"What started out as an internet rumor that ended up being infamously true?"

The King Of Pop

"Michael Jackson writing the music for Sonic 3."

"He actually did, but was never credited on the game because it would breach his contract with his record label."

– -WigglyLine-

"He did the same when he appeared on The Simpsons. He appeared under a pseudonym, and the Producers said it was an impersonator."

"Only years later they confirmed it really was Michael."

"His singing voice was actually done by an impersonator, though."

– given2fly_

The Truth Comes Out

"In 1998, US Men’s National Team captain John Harkes was shockingly cut from the team right before the World Cup. The coach claimed it was because Harkes wouldn’t fit into his new preferred formation, but rumors flew on the early internet that it was actually because he had slept with his teammate Eric Wynalda’s wife. The rumor was so well-known in soccer circles that Harkes expressly denied it in his autobiography the next year."

"Fast forward 12 years to 2010 and Wynalda admits it’s true. The coach then came out and admitted it was why he dropped Harkes, but that he’d planned to keep the secret as long as Wynalda did."

– guyfromsoccer

Video Evidence

"The Tim Burton Hansel and Gretel that aired once on halloween in the 80's."

"I heard for years that it was fake but I knew it was real because my dad recorded everything in the 80s and he recorded that. We let a good friend of ours borrow it and switch it over from VHS to DVD and soon after that it made its way on to the internet , and there it is now. I know it's our copy because the tracking in the beginning is screwed up. Still have the VHS."

– Frozenthickness

"There was a similar story with a Nickelodeon movie called Cry Baby Lane. It was supposed to be so scary that Nickelodeon got complaints and denied its existence for years. Someone uploaded a taped copy to youtube about a decade ago."

– PattiAllen

The Movie Business

"That North Korea hacked Sony Pictures because of The Interview movie."

"I worked in the movie business at the time and the account managers at Sony all basically needed to get new identities as all of their personal information got leaked online."

OldMastodon5363

"My partner worked on that movie and the production bought all the crew 1 year of an identity theft tracking service."

CMV_Viremia

Keep Away From The Ears Of Kids

"Some banned episodes or scenes of cartoons."

"For example, I remember there was a Dexter’s Lab cartoon where he clones evil versions of DeDe and himself and they swear like every other word (censored of course), and people debated whether it even existed cause they only aired it like once. Now it’s pretty accessible online."

– Spledidlife

Yes, It's True

"Echelon, a massive electronic espionage system by the US and allies to intercept all electronic messages, especially emails."

"In the mid-nineties it was a topic on conspiracy BBS boards. A lot of people in my bubble at the time (mainly uni students in Europe) were including fake threats to the US in the their email signatures as a way to "protest" and "fill the system with false alarms" (obviously useless)."

"Then, in 1999-2000 came out to be true and a lot of security service agencies from UK and other US allies started to admit they were part of the espionage network."

– latflickr

How The Mighty Fell

"John Edward’s love child."

– ACam574

"A reminder that he was cheating on his wife while she was hospitalized for cancer treatment."

– Fanclock314

Ugh...

"Carrie Fisher's heart attack. Some a**hole who was on the same flight was livetweeting the whole medical emergency and justified it by insisting she was just making sure the family was informed."

– everylastlight

It Actually Happened

"Every year around her birthday there was a rumor that Betty White died. When I heard she died, I scoffed, saying that dumb rumor is back.... then saw it on the news. I was in shock."

– Known-Committee8679

"The fact that Betty died literally right before she turned 100 is such a Betty White way to go out."

– Paganigsegg

Big Actor, Small Roles

"I distinctly remember some rumors about the reason why Bruce Willis was taking so many roles in sh*tty movies before it was announced he has dementia."

– KampferMann

"RedLetterMedia did a deep dive on his recent movie activity to try and work out why exactly he was taking part in basically scam-movies. They noticed he had an earpiece in one of the scenes and joked that the director was feeding him lines. I remember they even disclaimed over the rumours at the time, and possible made a follow-up vid when it was revealed to the public."

– CardinalCreepia

What To Do Next?

"That the writer of LOST were making it up as they went."

"Turned out to be absolutely true."

– homarjr

That last one was kind of obvious!

Do you have any to add? Let us know in the comment below.

Person holding large stack of books
Photo by Jay Lamm on Unsplash

Whether you're naturally interested in fun facts and trivia or not, it's always nice to know a few that you can pull out of your pocket at a moment's notice as a nice conversation starter.

But there are some fun facts out there that are so weird, people become more preoccupied with how the teller found out that information rather than the information itself.

Redditor Dry_Bus_935 asked:

"What is your 'don't ask me how I know' random fact?"

Nuclear Fail Safe

"You have quite a lot of time, certainly more than ten seconds, to turn back on the main pumps of a nuclear reactor once you have accidentally turned them off."

- egorf

"I'm not surprised. The amount of fail safes, redundancies, and emergency scenario planning for nuclear power plants is insane."

"I toured a nuclear plant and wrote my high school senior thesis on the plans put in place to ensure the Fukushima disaster would not happen at that plant."

"I'm sure the secondary pumps are plenty capable of handling the reactor until the main pumps are repaired or just turned back on."

- Borderlandsman

Happy Cat

"If your cat chews on fresh eucalyptus, they might start hallucinating and fall over repeatedly, leading to a $400 emergency vet bill just to be told she’s just kinda high."

- oddidealstronghold

"And, that's part of why koalas love it. Little stoners."

- littlebluefoxy

Archaeology: Do Not Lick

"Old human bones are very porous, so if you lick them, they’ll stick to your tongue."

- clanculcarius

Sharing is Caring

"A pigeon will only eat a Starburst if you chew it up a little bit first. Just to clarify: chew the Starburst, not the pigeon."

- OhTheHueManatee

"Instructions unclear. Pigeon unhappy."

- Wild-Lychee-3312

Intriguing Anatomy

"Everyone is here with the creepy crime stuff, and I'm just like, 'A soft fur rat has 22 nipples.'"

- horroscoblue

"Okay, so either they have really small nipples, their nipples overlap, or they have nipples in places where there shouldn't be nipples."

"(I've never written the word 'nipples' so many times in a singular sentence before.)"

- GdeGraaf

'Don't Ask Me,' Indeed!

"Turmeric can be used as clothes dye. It is capable of permanently dyeing cotton cloth even after it has passed through the digestive tract of an adult male."

- SlefeMcDichael

"You s**t your pants, didn't you?"

- PMmecrossstitch

"I'd prefer not to answer that question."

- SlefeMcDichael

High-Risk Survival Skills

"If you ever trying to survive in the Arctic, don’t eat polar bear liver. It is so high in vitamin A, it will kill you."

- WrongWayCorrigan-361

"It's also surrounded by a lethal amount of angry polar bear."

- horanc2

Real-Life Spies

"TV shows and movies go out of their way to make military/intelligence officers look bada**."

"But real-life 'spies,' by design and training, are boring. They have regular houses and standard second-hand cars, they dress down, and they have vague, boring job titles (accounts receivable) as cover, and they do not draw attention to themselves. Most come from specialized academia."

- Ok_Worth_1093

Haunting Reality

"Your muscles can keep twitching for several hours after you die."

- JustDave62

"Also, beards can appear to grow. This is however not because the beard itself grows but because the skin shrinks."

- RRautamaa

"I worked at a morgue for over eight years. If you grasp the hand of a dead body to move the arm, the hand will grasp back, but that's just muscles and tendons reacting to the tension."

- goneferalinid

The Sneakiness of Drowning

"When a drowning victim is revived, get them to a hospital as soon as possible. Drowning is the leading cause of death of kids from the age of one to seven and is ruled as accidental drowning when it comes to secondary drowning or dry drowning."

"Basically, your lungs are full of water despite being revived. Your lungs will absorb the liquid, but not before your body acidifies from high levels of carbon dioxide. The only chance to survive is to have the lungs pumped with oxygen via CPAP machine and time."

"Also, drowning is extremely quiet. You don’t hear the victim go under. And if you see flailing, do not attempt to save the victim otherwise you’ll become another drowning victim. Throw them a lifeline and hope their amygdala realizes that a rope or something is floating near them and grabs on it."

- Dfiggsmeister

Not Everyone's Favorite Chocolate

"Hershey’s chocolate has the strong smell of vomit or feces to some people (me), and that’s because they use butyric acid as a preservative. Butyric acid is the compound that makes vomit smell so bad."

"Edit: Digging further into it, there are some claims that they may not be “adding” the butyric acid, but rather it is occurring from essentially spoiling the milk in their milk chocolate. Either way, the butyric acid and putrid smell remains a part of their product."

- hefewiseman1

"That explains the weird aftertaste I always get! I don’t smell it but their chocolate always has this super unpleasant sharp/acidic aftertaste that I find repulsive. I assume this is why!!"

- PomegranateNo975

Do Not Lick the Asbestos

"Asbestos tastes like chalk. And if you lick it, it has the texture of extremely gritty sandpaper. Which is actually the feeling of microscopic asbestos needles piercing your flesh!"

- TooYoungToBeThisOld1

Mapping Out the War

"Beginning in 1911 in anticipation of the outbreak of WW1 in 1914, two statesmen, one from England and one from France, began visiting locations in France that they believed would be the settings for a number of major battles that would occur during the great war."

"Long bike rides through these future battle zones in the countryside and weeks spent building a foundation for a French-Anglo codebook that would later prove important in helping win the war."

- fjordperfect123

Avoiding Lawsuits > Protecting Patients

"Doctors, or surgeons more specifically, that make too many mistakes during surgery, ie, leaving instruments in patients, frequently gets ‘quietly traded’ to other hospitals where they continue their path of destruction with the patients not being aware of their past record. Hospitals tend to keep quiet about the matter to avoid lawsuits."

- Kittytigris

Bonus Points: Do This While Having Lunch in Your Car

"If you overfill a fast food gravy cup and then put a lid on, it will create a pressurized gravy stream that sprays all over your face and uniform while your coworker looks on in horror."

- thechaosjester776

This subReddit thread was so a roller-coaster of random facts, we've surely all walked away learning something.

But the biggest takeaway might just be: Maybe don't lick so many things.

Shocked woman covering her mouth
vaitheeswaran Nataraj/Unsplash

When we're intoxicated, or even the slightest bit tipsy from having a little too much to drink, our immediate perspective on things is hazy.

But there's nothing like a bit of alarming news or a jarring incident to snap us out of the fog and focus on the moment.

Sometimes alcohol isn't always to blame for our impairment.

It can be a state of mind, like a perpetual numbness from being complacent in life, and all it takes is one shocking moment to rattle us back to our senses.

Curious to hear from strangers online about this type of scenario, Redditor Known_Challenge_7150 asked:

"What’s one thing that sobered you up real quick?"

These individuals were witness to shocking events that sobered them up right quick.

Bleeding Out

"Got out of a taxi and found a naked man profusely bleeding from his head crawling up the driveway in my condo. Called him an ambulance completely forgot I was absolutely wasted until 45 minutes later when I'd helped him translate and in to an amublance and stepped in my front door."

"Later a few days later learned he'd slipped in the tub and literally crawled out for help. Poor dude. He was fine but I genuinely thought he was going to die there."

– DongLaiCha

Tragic News

"At a bachelor party and we got a phone call that the groom’s father had suddenly passed."

– accountnameredacted

Bottom Of The Barrel

"I went to visit my parents back in July. I was homeless and deep into fentanyl addiction so I lost a lot of weight. My folks could see it. They knew something was up. Anyway, I spent the night and I was getting ready to leave in the morning and I looked at myself in the mirror for a good long time. I finally had enough and told them everything. They took me to detox, from there I went to rehab. Graduated in August and been living with them ever since then. I have 160 days clean and sober."

– Crotch-Monster

A reality check can be enough for some people to snap out of it.

Like Father, Like Son

"Was driving a drunk friend home, he had been on a bender again and was smart enough to call me for a lift rather than try and drive. As I helped in to his house his mother came down the stairs and said 'your as drunk as your father' and went back upstairs. I haven't seen him drunk since then, he still drinks but the thought of turning into his dad scared him out of hard drinking."

– psycospaz

Busted

"Flashing blue lights."

– FiddleOfGold

"This sobered me up just thinking about it."

– redmaple_syrup

Losing Sight

"Woke up to no sight in one eye. I had cataract surgery so just thought one of the lenses had slipped and it was an easy fix. Eye doc says nope, you had a stroke. I loved soy sauce, teriyaki sauce and salty food, which caused high blood pressure, which caused retina damage. Over six months was able to get most of my eyesight back with medication, and all back within a year. Trying to navigate life with one eye was very sobering. Started taking HBP much more seriously."

– MissHibernia

Quitting The Bottle

"Looked up someone I went to highschool with who was an awesome guy. Found out he had been dead for 3 years from alcoholism, at age 33. I made an overnight change. I hadn't started drinking that night yet, 10 months ago. Haven't touched it again since."

– omgtater

These disturbing moments were enough for Redditors to immediately come to their senses.

Unplanned House Guests

"Me and a buddy Woke up in someone’s living room, realized neither one of us knew the people, they were just nice and let 2 drunk guys sleep on their living room floor. We didn’t even say goodbye."

– Oneinsevenbillion75

Serious Health Warning

"Elevated liver enzymes."

"And the knowledge that this sh** was gonna kill me and I just couldn't orphan my family over it."

"So I opted for recovery, instead."

"Clean and sober since June 5, 2009."

– Far_Meal8674

The Joyride

"Grew up in a rural area. The little town hosted dances at the hockey arena, everyone (adults and kids) went and they overserved everyone, regardless of age. I was maybe 16 or 17 and was absolutely sh*tfaced, and jumped in the back of someone's truck with about 8 other people to go back to someone's cottage for after dance drinking. The driver (still don't know who it was) started racing one of his buddies and we whipped around small dirt roads, flying around blind corners on the wrong side of the road, going god knows how fast. It was basically a disaster waiting to happen. It was crazy scary and I was sober and thankful to be alive when we finally arrived."

– foxfood9116

The human psyche is a fascinating thing, isn't it?

How we can automatically focus on something urgent at a crucial time, even after getting buzzed from drinking too much alcohol.

But as we're in the thick of the holidays, it's a good reminder to drink responsibly and stay off the roads if you drive to your celebratory destination.

Cheers. Stay safe. And happy holidays.

Woman holding multiple shopping bags
Photo by freestocks on Unsplash

We've all complained or vented about something in our lives which, in the grand scheme of things, wasn't exactly a problem, or is very easily solved.

Then there are those who complain about things that others almost hope will happen to them at some point in their lives.

These are known as "first world problems", as they are problems that pretty much only the world's one percent faces.

From having to fly business class instead of first class, or being served Roederer instead of Dom Pérignon, these complaints are often met with amusement, bewilderment, or even anger.

Redditor jennimackenzie was curious to hear the most absurd "first world problems" anyone ever complained about, leading them to ask:

"What’s the most ridiculous 'first world problem' you’ve seen people get worked up over?"

"Tale As Old As Time..."

"I once knew a mom who was legitimately devastated, to the point of tears/grief, because a doctor predicted her 8 year old daughter's final height to be around 5'2","

"Which wasn't tall enough to get cast as Belle at Disney World."

"That was the child's (and her mother's) only dream in life, apparently."

"Didn't appreciate my suggestion that she could be Minnie or Mickey."

"Lol!"

"Only a face character would do!"- TravelLovingMom

"Must Be Funny, In A Rich Man's World..."

"My boss from about a decade ago was this insanely rich dude who always went to the bank to get fresh and crisp currency."

"He'd call the bank in advance to make sure they had some on hand."

"I think he was a germaphobe."

"He had a trash can that he'd throw $1 and $5 bills in that he thought was 'dirty' and regularly just donated it vs spending it."

"I asked him why he did this and he said it was too much trouble and asked if I wanted it."

"I said f*ck yeah dumped it into my bag and when I got home it was close to $400 in singles and fives.

"Another time, he wanted to upgrade all the computers in his studio, so we went to a store and bought 10 PCs."

"They all had $150 mail in rebates and he wasn't bothered to go through the trouble of mailing them in."

"3 weeks later I received $1500 after spending a whole afternoon filling out all those goddamn forms."- azninvasion2000

Money Burn GIF by nog Giphy

Who Wore It Better?

"When I was about 19 years old, I was at my boyfriends family BBQ."

"I was wearing this pretty floral sundress."

"His cousins girlfriend showed up in the same dress and she was SO mad that she went and changed."

"I will never understand being upset when someone is wearing the same thing as you.'

"Did you really think that your shirt you bought off the rack is going to be unique to you?"

"No."- mertsey627

Seeing Red! Or Blue In This Case...

"The blue of the balloons wasn't quite the same as the bridesmaid's sashes."

"Years ago my wife and I attended a wedding."

"It was very low key."

"The dinner was in the dining hall at the university where the couple met, cinder block walls and all."

"It was a Baptist wedding - no booze and very serious."

"The dark blue balloons attempting to liven up the hall were a slightly darker shade of blue than the sashes on the bridesmaid's dresses."

"The bride lost here sh*t and absolutely raved for nearly an hour."

"I can't remember how they finally managed to talk her down."- mechant_papa

south park wedding GIF Giphy

See You In Court!

"Rich neighbors who end up in expensive court battles because they disagree about where a tree can be planted or whether the color of a fence fits in with the street’s 'amenity'."

'These disputes get really heated and rack up huge lawyers’ bills."

"The most pathetic part is after the judgement when they are arguing about who should pay the other party’s costs."

"Lots of affidavits filed citing the 'emotional distress' they had to endure, or painting themselves as brave warriors who were forced to take a stand to fight for 'justice'."

"Also lots of pompous litigants insisting that the judge refer to them by their 'Dr' title."

"An absolutely insane dumpster fire of entitled rich people problems."- ElectrocRaisin

It's Always People With Money Who Don't Want To Pay!

"I work in a public library."

"People will get so so mad if they have to be put on a wait list for a book."

"A popular book that just came out."

"Ok our services are not only free but so are the books."

"You’re welcome, a**holes."- Switchbladekitten

A Warm Butt Is A Happy Butt!

"My own."

"We have a bidet toilet seat (Fabulous! Everyone should have one!) and not only does it wash your bum and blow dry it, but the seat's heated!"

"It's shocking how much a heated toilet seat makes the whole process more agreeable."

"Except: We had a power outage and I went to use the toilet and the seat was cold!"

"Unacceptable!"

"This shall not stand!"

"I was really upset because it didn't feel good."

"Then I stopped and thought: This is the most first-world problem anyone's ever had."

"I was really pissed because my heiny was tepid."

"I got over it."- DeathGrover

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Holy Matrimony!

"Weddings are a gold mine for this question."

"People get so hyped up over their 'most important day of their life'."

"They'll destroy friendships, go into debt, and have crazy expectations."

"It's not always the couple who go crazy, either."

"Sometimes, it's the parents or another family member who feels entitled to control the wedding."

"It's just a party."

"Be considerate of guests, have plenty of food and drinks, and enjoy it."- magicrowantree

When Fast Food Isn't Fast Enough...

"Having to pull off to the side to wait for a drive-thru order to be brought out to you because your food isn't ready and there's a line building up behind you."- demanbmore

In Case You Don't Think Customer Service Employees Are Undervalued...

"I was working the return desk at a Target next to a military base so I have so many stories."

"One of my favorites was a lady who had her baby shower before revealing the gender and was livid that she had received floral newborn diapers when she’s having a boy."

"It was a huge box of super expensive, all organic diapers, that we didn’t carry and therefore could not return."

"I cannot accurately express her fury and disgust."

"How dare either suggest her boy could wear feminine diapers."

"I suggested she donate them if she didn’t want to use them and she instead threw away the entire box."

"When she left we pulled it out and threw it in our donate bin."

"There have also been multiple times where mom’s order massive toys and when we bring them out to the car they get furious that they aren’t wrapped."

"We don’t offer wrapping services."

"Here’s the thing, if you don’t want your kids to see the toys you got them for Christmas or their bit to day DON'T BRING THE CHILD WHEN YOU PICK IT UP."

'I’ve had multiple women scream and curse me out that I had ruined their kids Christmas by bringing the toys they ordered out to the car like they requested."- clever-mermaid-mae

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Happiest Place On Earth!

"I used to work for Disney."

"That in itself should tell you everything."

"However for fun I'll give you two specific stories one form our tech department and one from my wife who worked bookings."

"I specifically worked for their call center to help with technical issues with magic band and the website."

"Suddenly got worse huh?"

"A right of passage call everyone has at least one story of is the 'Dome call'."

"Basically there is a subset of Disney Guest (TM) that believes if it rains at Walt Disney world there is someone that will push a button to encapsulate the whole of Disney property in a dome to keep out the rain."

"I'm not kidding."

"If this button is not pushed they call our tech department to angrily ask why."

"My wife worked booking."

"Pretty much everything including Bibbidi Bobbidi boutique and Pirate's league."

"These two things did roughly the same thing difference being price and theme."

"BBB was expensive did more and was focused on princesses, pirates league did a bit less and focused on mermaids and pirates."

"Lady called up my wife, and got pissed about BBB being booked up (It goes FAAAAST)."

"Karen: 'Im going to give the phone to my daughter and I want you to tell her how you are ruining her vacation by not letting her do BBB'."

"Wife proceeds to explain how pirate's league is so much cooler and how she can be a mermaid or pirate and basically gets the kid to start demanding to their parents about how they want to be a mermaid instead of a princess."- trollsong

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The horror!

Being booked into a junior suite at Disney World instead of an executive suite!

It's almost as bad as having no money for groceries, or no food to feed you children...

Said absolutely no one.