1/35. If God created the sun on the fourth day, how had four days passed?
2/35. Dog food could say it's any flavor it wants, you're not going to test it.
3/35. Batman only fights crime at night because otherwise he would have weird and obvious tan lines.
4/35. What if a radio station said "Hey Siri, text my mom 'f*ck you'.......... Send"
theWet_Bandits
5/35. The world isn't getting dumber. It's just easier for dumb people to get their thoughts heard.
lb8ovn
6/35. Isn't it weird in movies sometimes when there's a fight on top of a truck yet all the cars behind them will be driving like normal like "this is real messed up but I'm not going to be late for work".
crudmissile
7/35. Why are wedding dresses bought and tuxedos rented? The utility of each is such that it should be the other way around.
the_humeister
Continue to the next page for more genius thoughts!
8/35. I like to think money wouldn't change me; yet when I'm winning Monopoly I'm a terrible person.
9/35. We live in a world where lemonade is made from artificial flavors and furniture polish is made from real lemons.
DominickCosta
10/35. Wherever a fatal car crash or pedestrian death occurs, a red square with the year of the accident should be permanently included in the pavement. Seeing a lot of red squares in a given location would make drivers and pedestrians more careful.
KubrickIsMyCopilot
11/35. I've woken up over 10,000 times and I'm still not used to it.
dankerinooo
12/35. I am a much better proofreader the moment after I post something than the moment before.
SirHerald
13/35. If Google Maps added 5 minutes to every time estimate on directions millions of people would be on time for things.
bthoman2
14/35. When you're a kid, staying up late makes you feel like an adult. When you're an adult, staying up late makes you feel like a kid.
bigandz
Continue to the next page for more!
15/35. You think you're unique until you have to choose a username
High_as_red
16/35. Most animals don't recognize their own reflection because their brains aren't complex enough. I wonder if humans have observed something which we cannot comprehend or even know we cannot comprehend because our brains lack that complexity.
by bloodygames
17/35. It's strange that the adoption process is so strict and rigorous; and yet any two people can produce a baby with no regulation whatsoever.
by JaseAndrews
18/35. I'm lucky enough to live in a country where if I hear an air raid siren I expect it to be followed by phat bass and a banging tune.
by skyforgerer
19/35. If there's a mean dog or a wild horse in a movie, they have to train an animal to act untrained.
WaywardChilton
20/35. What the hell does a golfer do when they retire? Most people retire then take up golf.
extreme_matt
21/35. There's a big bag of deadly acid in the middle of my body and I'm supposed to be totally okay with that.
Treeaza
More shower thoughts on the next page!
22/35. From a wookie's perspective, Chewbacca is the handsome rogue and Han is the dumb sidekick communicating in animal noises.
Hrtzy
23/35. The last ten squares on the toilet roll should have "This is NOT enough for the next person!" printed on them
isaidthisinstead
24/35. My parents spent the first 18 years of my life telling me how unique and special I was, then spent the rest of my life telling me I am no different than anyone else and to get a job.
Chewyman11
25/35. When I was a small child, my grandmother showed me love by playing along with my make believe games. Now that she is older and has dementia it is my turn to show love by playing along with hers.
Flowsephine
26/35. I'm flabbergasted at how our education system managed to find a way to turn something as fascinating as history into a boring slog.
Lemvig42
27/35. Why would anybody buy a bookmark for a dollar when they could use a dollar as a bookmark?
NOTW_116
28/35. People used the cigarette lighter socket to light cigarettes, but now they use it to charge cigarettes.
Kirryu
Can't get enough? Good! More on the next page.
29/35. When we want another's thoughts, we say "penny for your thoughts." When we offer up our own, we say "putting my two cents in." We value our own opinion twice as much.
Conkrad
30/35. Uber should have a senior discount so elderly people wouldn't have to drive if they feel like they can't drive safely.
Delica
31/35. Porn and the WWE are essentially the same. Both feature unrealistic representations of humans taking way longer to accomplish something, in which the acting doesn't matter and the more outrageous the personality, the more popular.
SergeiDiaghilev
32/35. My first instinct when I see an animal is to say "hello", my first instinct when I see a human is to avoid eye contact and hope it goes away
Narksdog
33/25. We live in an age where your last words may be an emoticon.
horoshimu
34/35. It is widely accepted that you should have another job lined up before quitting your current job. This same concept does not apply to relationships.
35/35. The person directly in front of you is also the person that is the farthest behind you.
SluffyD
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"What’s the wildest thing you’ve ever heard teacher say in class?"
And Anyone With Such Closed Minded Views Shouldn't Be Teaching...
"Had the Head of the Department in college claim in class that anyone who actually needs accommodations for mental health issues should not be in college to begin with."
"This was while we were discussing 'Death of a Salesman' and the discussion had veered over to unhealthy pressure and social standards for success."- RavensQueen502
Wait what?!
"My very well-respected Biology teacher in college spent almost an entire lecture telling us that Jamie Lee Curtis was a hermaphrodite."
"It seemed oddly personal to him."- Urbane_Cowboy
Sad On So Many Levels
"Not heard but my freshmen year high school teacher once pulled a bottle of Jack out of his desk and took a shot during class."
"He was dying so towards the end I think he just stopped caring."- Mangothefello
Can't Take The Heat, Then Stay Out Of The Classroom...
"High school science teacher told my class that a kilometre was longer than a mile."
"Refused to budge when refuted and kicked out several students for doing so."- SupersonicDebris13
"5th grade teacher: 'Mount Whitney in California is the tallest mountain in the world'."
"5th grade me blurts out: 'No it isn't, Mount Everest is."
"Whitney is not even the tallest mountain in the USA, which is Mount McKinley in Alaska'."
"I got in trouble for 'contradicting the teacher'."- gtmattz
get out GIFGiphyIt's Not Just Students Who Are Bullies...
"I had a teacher ridicule a fat kid about his lunch choices in front of the whole class."
"He ran out crying as she was making fat guy blimp gestures and telling him he was going to be huge as an adult."- SnooOwls5859
Some Dramatic License It Seems...
"I had a literature teacher who told the class that he didn't believe in dinosaurs, because the universe is only a couple thousand years old."
"The bones were put there by Satan."
"Thank f*ck he wasn't a science or history teacher."- AllBadAnswers
of montreal dancing GIF by Polyvinyl RecordsGiphyEveryone Deserves Nice Acomodations...
"My English teacher told us that he genuinely believes that the Rothchilds own a hotel for aliens in the Bermuda triangle."- TroyLear77
Well, Then...
"We had this kid in our 6th-grade class."
"Very dark skinned kid from Africa."
"His name was Tajak."
"Every now and then when we'd line up to go to another class or lunch and the lights would go out some of his friends would go 'where Tajak at?'"
"Anyway one day we had a sub and we we're lining up for lunch, the lights went out and there went the 'where Tajak at?' and the SUBSTITUTE TEACHER who was also black went 'Boy you darker than night'."
"6th grade was f*cking wild."- 11221mikew
Sad Premonitions
"Psych teacher in high school told us that 1 in 10 of the people were friends with in high school would be dead within 5 years of graduating."
"At the time I thought it was hyperbole, but it turns out he was being conservative."
"3 of the people in my high school friend group were dead by the time I was 22."- Reddit
Do They Really Need A Reason?
"'Now girls, don't you let them boys touch your breasts'."
"'It'll give you cancer'."- jondru
Maybe Should Have Checked With The Geography Teacher?
"A teacher in Elementary school claimed during history class that the Colosseum was in Greece, as an Italian kid I was very confused, this was in Mexico."- Spascucci
So Much For Instilling Hope...
"Didn't hear this personally, but read in a book about a guy who recalled his teacher skipping chapters in a textbook and saying 'You will not need to know this when you are down in the mines'."- futanari_kaisa
The mark of a good teacher is that students will take everything they hear from them with them for the rest of their lives.
Though, the less-than-wonderful teachers may also say things their students will never forget.
Redditor RedditPenguin02 wanted to make a list of the best inquiries to make when starting a relationship, so they asked:
"What is a good question to ask before you start dating someone?"
From what I've learned in my past, always ask... "Are you into Buffy the Vampire Slayer? The TV show."
If it's a no, then it's a dealbreaker.
I Do
Shocked Schitts Creek GIF by CBCGiphy"Are you married?"
wrenchmonkey135
"I would ask that. If they said no, the next question was 'Would your wife agree?'"
"If they laughed, they were telling the truth. If they got indignant and pissed off that I thought they were lying…they were married."
"Worked every time."
Squibit314
We Lived!
"Do you clap when the plane lands?"
dont_u_know
"I swear people used to do this all the time when I was a kid (early 2000’s), and I don’t think I’ve heard anyone do it in 5+ years. I guess 9/11 really made people afraid of flying for about 10 years and then most folks decided they didn’t need to applaud when the plane landed safely?"
jmims98
Family Planning
"Do you want kids in the future? If one person wants kids and the other wants to stay child-free, then they are not compatible. And it is better to try dating someone else."
GoodAlicia
"It confuses me whenever some couples who disagree on this end up in a conundrum because one expected the other to change their mind. This is something I bring up early cause I see no future with someone who wants kids when I do not."
GoodAlicia
"You should always put childfree on your dating profile. It's not a small thing. Either you agree on it or not. If I had to date, I would put childfree on my profile too."
GoodAlicia
Carb it on...
"Do you like bread? That is the extent of my flirting skills."
HumpieDouglas
"Being German, bread is like a frickin' cultural phenomenon here, we have around 300 kinds of bread, there's a bread museum, every time I go on vacation I'm like yeah it's nice here but the bread ain't it yall, never as good as home lol. So yeah, valid question and the only answer to this is an enthusiastic yes."
Nayeliq1
Room Temperature
Frosty The Snowman Winter GIF by filmeditorGiphy"What temperature do you set the thermostat to throughout the year?"
OneFingerIn
"Haha this one always gets me as someone who needs low temps - you can always put on more clothes, I can't peel my skin off to get cooler."
djdante
The thermostat is a dealbreaker for me.
It's gonna be 60. Love it or move on.
Discovery
Blown Away Wow GIF by AminéGiphy"When was the last time you changed your mind about something?
"Opens a window to how they think."
youcantkillanidea
"If that was really early on in the dating I’d think it was a bit of a head-f**k question. I’d probably find that question a red flag, tone dependent, although I agree with the sentiment."
LivestockMarc
Personal Time
"Aside from major differences about finances, kids, politics, or religion, a big one is; What are your hobbies? If they don’t really have any, you may be the next hobby, which isn’t going to work unless you’ve got that kind of time. If the hobbies are time-consuming ones generally done with a SO."
"But you have no interest in them, that could be an issue as well. If only one of you likes camping, wanted to spend vacation lounging instead of exploring, didn’t like sports, etc either that partner is annoyed or the other feels like they don’t get to enjoy what they love."
Githard
Past Issues
"Ask them about their exes. If they think every single one of them is an a**hole... they are likely the real a**hole."
CantTakeMeSeriously
"I have mixed feelings about that - I've been in three previous relationships and all three were emotionally abusive towards me (one wasn't nearly as bad as the other two, though) in various ways. I know this is a common sentiment and it always makes me afraid that people won't believe me or something.
"I mean, I realize in your comment you said 'likely' and not '100% sure' and there's plenty of room for nuance."
phiore
Values
"I would try to take care of any dealbreakers. If I find out that she has different political values than I do, it's not going to work out in the long run, so I wouldn't bother. Same thing with other factors (religion, financial values, etc.). I would also ask how much cuddling she likes to engage in, as I prefer a lot."
SkullKrusher9000
Essentials
Tell Me More To Do List GIF by Disney ChannelGiphy"When I was dating my three essential questions were always kids, sex, and money. If you're not on the same wavelength for any of those three things, just don't even try."
KhaosElement
TRUTH PLEASE!!
"So, how much personal debt do you have?"
"Source: the guy who dated a woman with huge debts and was asked to pay for everything and then some".
"After that, I'd go with, 'Have you ever been diagnosed with borderline, narcissistic, or histrionic personality disorders?"
extracensorypower
The questions are basic.
Just ask for the truth.
Do you have any good Qs to add to the queue? Let us know in the comments below.
