There is something about the logic of children. Armed with almost no life experience, and so no facts to begin with, little kids make insane conclusions.
Remembering those wild imagined fears and convictions is quite a trip.
A six-year-old overhears an older brother out of context--suddenly haircuts make you die. On the bus, an eight-year-old learns traffic laws that belong in Alice's Wonderland.
Sure, all of us adults would love childhood imagination to strike a balance: run wild and enjoyable, going where it may, but while remaining productive.
But kids are left among themselves--either alone or in groups with one another--at times. It's in those corners that the imagination begins to make its leaps. Inanimate objects are thought to have preferences. Tiny people control most things. Parents know all the laws--and what strange laws they are.
These Redditors share some real winners of those days.
Orkos-apprentic asked, "What was the dumbest thing you believed as a kid?"
Aspirin: Not in it Alone
"For some reason when I was little I thought I needed to tell aspirin where to go before I took them. 'This is for my headache,' I'd softly whisper into my hand before gulping them down."
"Clearly, without specific directions, how could these little pills know where inside my body they needed to fight pain?"
-- theWildBore
An Extremely Dire Coffee Spill
"I thought 'having an accident' always means the person involved is dead afterwards. So at age 8 I thought for about 5 hours that my dad was dead when I heard my mom telling on the phone to someone that he had a small accident at work."
"Turns out he spilled coffee all over his shirt."
-- LosNixosTuos
Some Tiny Humans Have Better Timing than Others
"That there were humans sitting in control rooms watching tons of traffic cams and turning red light to green lights and vise versa." -- Alternativasil9
"I thought they sat in a small room directly under the traffic light they were controlling." -- EddieWeet
"I thought they were gnomes that sat inside the lights themselves and watched the road." -- coldsheep3
Gotta Be the Ears
"All dogs were male. All cats were female." -- solo_een_vir
"My boyfriend calls our male cat 'she' and our female dog 'he.' He's 35. Then when I correct him he makes a joke about us not knowing what they identify as." -- canibringmybreadbowl
They Couldn't Possibly Be Real People
"That teachers lived at school. Like had their own bedrooms and families living in the attic or in the walls in the school or something lol."
"Also my brother believed that if you shoot a gun in the air, fireworks come out. That, I don't get lmao"
-- Virt333
A Lot to Unpack
"That girls had a penis poised inside their a** to deploy when they needed to pee. This a** penis contraption would emerge, pee, then retract." -- chrisboshisaraptor
"Autobots, roll out." -- nerfherder_328
"Someone take away my ability to read." -- cacophonycult
"My a** penis is emerging, peeing then retracting just reading this post." -- quirkymug
Parental Laws
"That it was illegal to turn on the light inside the car while driving." -- anaanym0
"Well it actually is, especially if you ask my kids who don't want to go to jail for turning on the light inside the car while driving." -- legofduck
"How many other lies have I been told by the council?" -- Calacolter
Expanding Truths
"Eating fruit seeds will cause fruit to grow in your stomach until you explode." -- jelo89
"For me it was rice. My mom always joked that my stomach would turn into a paddy field just from the sheer amount of rice I ate."
"My dumb a** actually wanted that, so I could have more rice to eat." -- _aoulo
Worked Out a Little Too Perfectly
"When I was a pre-schooler, my mom told me that you weren't allowed to ride a motorcycle or get tattoos unless your mother was dead."
"One day, outside the grocery store I saw a big, tough looking dude covered in tats, straddling the loudest motorcycle ever. Damned it 5 year old me didn't go up to him and ask, 'Hey. Is your mom dead?' "
"Dude looked at me and said, 'Yeah.' "
"And I was shocked that my mom was right."
-- Lost_xam
When Everybody has X-Ray Vision
"I legitimately thought I could see through walls."
"You know if you cover one eye with your hand and it kind of looks like you can see through your hand? Genuinely thought I could see through walls, but only if I was right at the end of the wall. Never thought to question that."
That is A LOT of Sprouts
"Not me but I made my younger sister believe that all water in the world comes from bean sprouts." -- nocreamjustsugar
"Lol I have a a pair of friends that are twins. One twin convicted the other to eat bugs because they provided more protein. Mom found out because the second twin asked for a stick bug for dinner instead of chicken." -- bbygodzilla
The Center of the Universe
"That the moon followed me." -- jordanXbeastrooster
"This. All the time and in my childishness I thought I was the only one it followed." -- blahblahtown
"Glad I wasn't the only one." -- Xanadu200
A Lie With a Very Unclear Purpose
"I was told if I kill a frog my mom's tit would fall off." -- sumthingred
"yeah we're gonna need an explanation here" -- epicgameraphix
"Wait, what?" -- ayroncon1
All Things Considered, Made the Right Choice
"I once was told that there was a ghost that killed people in the gym changing room/ bathroom. So once I pissed myself instead of going into the bathroom because I didn't want to die." -- ilikefries6475
Gurgle, Gurgle
"I could make bubbles if I eat shampoo then burp. I learnt I cant the hard way." -- Mephisax
"Let me guess you thought that from watching cartoons?" -- herota
A Committed Ruse
"That Santa existed... until one night I hid downstairs behind the living room door, after everyone went to bed, and then right on cue Santa came in, like seriously it was Santa! He had the hat, beard, full suit and presents. Only to be caught by him."
"I started screaming and then realised it was just my mum dressed up! God knows how long she'd been bringing presents downstairs dressed like Santa, just in case we woke up or caught her one year."
How to Make Your Kids Say "Pigdog"
"My dad convinced me and my sister that 'pigdog' was a bad word. The worst word there is. But he couldn't tell me what it meant, cause it meant something so bad. So of course I went around the playground calling people 'pigdog.' "
-- lizabear85
A Very Clinical Process
"When two people wanted a baby, they went to the doctor to get special pills to get pregnant."
"I actually knew sex existed, but I thought that it was a very naughty and bad way to get pregnant and my parents definitely did not do that."
-- GrandMil
Do you have something to confess to George? Text "Secrets" or "
Redditor Isingsongstomycats wanted to hear about what can completely make us regret speaking to another person, so they asked:
"What instantly ruins a conversation for you?"
I'm ornery. Anything and everything can turn me off.
Blocked
honey boo boo phone GIF by RealityTVGIFsGiphy"Getting their phone out for no reason mid conversation."
Expensive_Pie_6943
"Sometimes I want to look up something pertinent to the conversation but I don't want to interrupt them to say that. Now when someone checks their notification mid conversation, that really burns me."
cutelyaware
Up & Up
"When someone feels the need to one up you on everything you say."
Apprehensive_Gap_368
"Had a coworker like this once, his one upping was so bad we would test it. Best one was a guy talking about catching a shark on a pole at the beach. He interrupted with the time he swam out a mile and got attacked by a shark and beat it and swam back with it."
Mess_Bubbly
Rude
"When they start saying nasty things about people they barely know."
WeirdShyKitten
"I have family like this. I once heard them go on on this rant about how the new waitress at their local coffee shop is fat and ugly. They made a thousands assumptions about this woman that included criticism to her service."
18062022
"Or start sh*t talking someone the second they leave the room. My dad's sisters do that, I was stuck in my parents house alone with them and I would get so paranoid every time I left the room. If they do that to each other, I can’t image the crap they talk about me."
vicki_chicki
War of Words
"When they ask for your opinion or talking about something fully subjective and then tell you how you are objectively wrong or get offended by you nor agreeing."
Prize_Interaction931
"Similar, but not quite the same: my old roommate would correct me on things that were objective, and not like facts."
"Like I mentioned it was hard for my folks to get a mortgage because they were self employed and he correct me that it wasn't. He wouldn't believe the story i was telling and told me what he thought might have happened with no knowledge on the subject."
"Needless to say I moved out."
SFXBTPD
Blah Blah
Bored Chris Rock GIF by BounceGiphy"When it feels like you're engaging a combination lock just to get responses to simple innocent pieces of a conversation. People who small talk you to death."
I swear small talk people should be arrested for attempted murder.
Useless
Golden Girls Rose GIF by TV LandGiphy"When someone drags a story out with useless details. Like something that happened on the drive to work but they start the story at the point when they first woke up and what they had for breakfast. Just get to the point!"
ticklemebits
Paused
"When they interrupt me mid sentence."
HelpMeSweetJesus
"If it sometimes happens on accident whenever they think of something and get over-excited it’s whatevs. Now when they constantly step over you it’s like your opinion merely feels like filler at best and they ain’t even listening. Not even worth the energy to continue at that point."
BAKED_TATER_
"One of my coworkers only listens long enough to figure out what she's going to say next, and then she interrupts. I guess we're only there to feed her lines."
Witty_Commentator
Do Better
"When someone gives you completely useless advice you didn't ask for. A couple weeks ago I mentioned to a coworker that I was glad to be going home because I didn't get more than a couple hours of sleep."
"Dude first of all had the audacity to say 'Well, you need to do better.' When I said I have medication resistant insomnia he looks at me like I'm an idiot and asks if I've tried melatonin."
errant_night
Duh
"Think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize half of them are stupider than that. And it doesn’t take you very long to spot one of them, does it. Take you about eight seconds. You’ll be listening to some guy, and say, this guy is f**king stupid. Then, then there are some people, they’re not stupid. They’re full of crap."
"Huh, that doesn’t take very long to spot, either, does it. Take you about the same amount of time. You’ll be listening to some guy, saying, well, he’s fairly intelligent. Ah, he’s full of s**t. Then there are some people, they’re not stupid, they’re not full of s**t, they’re freaking nuts."
teaching-man
Gross...
Disgusted Emma Stone GIFGiphy"Sexualization. We're talking about a new video game and suddenly I get asked if I play naked, or if I'm turned on by a game mechanic or some such nonsense. Yuck."
GreenAppleLady
Good conversation is hard to keep these days.
Do you have any conversational red flags to add? Let us know in the comments below.
