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You know, your day could be just fine and dandy until the moment someone, who might not be the sharpest knife in the drawer, asks you something that makes you ask yourself: Did I really just hear that?

And you did. You did, sorry to disappoint you.

The responses were utterly golden (or maybe not, if you get our drift) after Redditor Swish_Fate asked the online community, "What is the dumbest question you've been asked?"


"A coworker of mine..."

A coworker of mine, without any context, asked me, "Is Ash Wednesday this Friday?"

pjabrony

"During my exchange year..."

During my exchange year in the US, I was sitting in my English class and we had a few minutes until class started, when one of the guys I spoke regularily to, suddenly turns and asks me if I could speak English since I'm from Germany.

I calmly asked him in what language we had been speaking just a second ago. It was pretty hilarious and even our teacher had a good laugh with us.

In short: Guy asked me if I could speak English, while we were talking in English.

SomeSugarAndSpice

"Thankfully..."

"Are you a real black person? Your skin is too light." Thankfully it was asked by a little kid, but it was so stupid that I still laugh about that years later.

starkillerzx

"Asked by a guy..."

Giphy

"Won't they hatch?"

Asked by a guy who had just thrown out two dozen eggs that had *just* passed their expiration date. He was concerned about having 24 little chicks running around inside his refrigerator. Dude was a university-level science major.

Wordnord70

"At the same job..."

"How do you spell TV?"

To be fair, that one came from a young kid. Here's a runner-up from a middle-aged woman in a meat shop where I used to work:

Grown Woman: "What's the difference between the cooked prawns and the raw prawns?"

Me: "... These are cooked, and these ... aren't."

GW: "But these ones are pink and these are grey."

At the same job, I was ringing up a young woman's purchases, and it turned out she didn't have enough cash to pay for them all. I suggested an item to take off that would bring the total just under what she had, but she decided to take off two, more expensive items. This brought the total down more than enough, and I gave her her change with her receipt.

Her: "Oh!" looking at her change, then pointing at the two items: "Do I have enough money for that now?"

On second thought, maybe I should have put that one first.

PeppermintBiscuit

"When I was working..."

When I was working at my city's zoo, a woman asked me if she was at the zoo.

In order to ask me that question, this woman had to get off the train at a station called Zoo Station or drive into the parking lot on a road called Zoo Road. Then, she had to walk down a long hallway with lots of pictures of animals all with the zoo's logo (which includes the word zoo) under them, then stand in a long ass line in front a huge picture of a koala and the words "welcome to [city] zoo!" printed in three foot high letters. I was also wearing a shirt and a hat with the zoo's name and a giraffe on it when she asked me this question.

punkterminator

"A man walks in..."

Working in a coffee shop, around mid-afternoon. A man walks in, glances around and walks up to the counter.

Me: Hey, what can I get for you?

Him: Um. (Glances around the store more) Are you guys open?

Mostly out of confusion I also glanced around my store I saw all of the other employees clearly working, and our lobby full of people sitting/eating/drinking/etc.

Me: Yes?

Anjodu

"Both..."

Both come from my days in the food industry:

"What are mashed potatoes?" - a woman who was definitely old enough to vote

"Why did you ring this up as steak burrito and not a vegetarian burrito?" - a man who asked me to put steak on his burrito,

saltynalty17

"As a 911 operator..."

As a 911 operator, a caller once asked (on an emergency line) what the weather would be like on Thanksgiving Day in a desert resort popular with off-roaders, that's located about 100 miles away from our city. It was April.

WallflowersAreCool2

"But my all time favorite..."

From the hotel industry, favorites are generally along the theme of:

"Why didn't you tell me when I booked my reservation (six months ago) that it was going to rain today?!"

"Why is there traffic? Why didn't you warn me there'd be traffic in Manhattan?! Why can't you just tell the cops to let me through?!"

But my all time favorite was at a hotel where for various reasons, the lobby was not on the first floor. The only thing on the first floor as you come in was a bank of elevators, by which you could then reach the lobby.

Had a guest ask, in complete seriousness, "Why couldn't the taxi drop me off at the lobby? All the other hotels it drops me off at the lobby!"

All attempts to answer this were met with increasing rage on the part of the guest, because WHY COULDN'T THE TAXI COME TO THE EIGHTH FLOOR.

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Stupid is as stupid does. And it’s pretty obvious when some poor, misinformed, potentially ignorant soul needs to be put in their place. Luckily, there are a lot of witty ways to do just that. We love a good euphemism.

Wanna know the best way to call out stupidity when you see it? Stay tuned.

U/lientubay asked: What's the best euphemism for telling people that they're stupid?

​Get a load of these sick burns. I swear, the people of Reddit are harsh.

Call outs are a universal language.

In Russian we have "intelligent thoughts have always followed him, but he was faster".

Humphr1es

We have something similar in German: "Intelligence is chasing you, but you are faster."

Tatsukishi

Be your own Easter Bunny.​

Looney Tunes Cartoon GIF Giphy

You could hide your own Easter eggs.

Bdiz78

The great Harvey Korman had some Alzheimer's @ 2005, and he still went on a talk show. They asked him how he was doing and he said he was OK. "Now I can hide my own Easter eggs." RIP.

Gas-Blaster

That’s cold.​

“At this point, you can only impress me."

Roman_Suicide_Note

This reminds me of something I saw in a show recently. One character said "Would you think less of me if ____." The other character said "I could never think less of you."

Catty_wampus

​I lol’d.

I think I saw this one here previously "You aren't the biggest idiot in the world but you better hope they don't die".

Soalindie

Once told this to my brother, his immediate response was "hey, please don't die".

Srakrn

It takes a very intelligent person to properly call out a dumb person. Weird how that works, huh?​

When the bears are smarter than the tourists.​

GIF by Smokey Bear Giphy

Now I know what Douglas Adams was talking about.

"A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools."

BerenTheBold

As the park rangers in Yellowstone say- making a bear-proof trash can is very difficult due to the considerable overlap between the smartest bears and the dumbest tourists.

Lahmmom

​That’s a gross mental image.

In Greece we say "when it was raining brains, you had an umbrella".

GSavvage

In German we ask God for help. "God, let there be raining brains" this sounds so weird but idk how to express it better lol.

Edit: In German it's "Gott, lass Hirn regnen".

Foxpawdot

It’s probably a bad sign when your lawyer calls you dumb.

Lawyer to client who shared detailed attorney-client privileged strategy memorandum with a whole bunch of people, including an adverse party:

Client: "Is there anything you can do to fix this?"

Attorney: "No, you've pretty much waived the privilege and now they know everything."

Client: "Is there anyway to put a positive spin on this?"

Attorney: "Well, I suppose the judge might buy that this proves that you lack the mental capacity to form specific intent."

Malibulobo

These next ones are just plain cold, but probably very much deserved.​

Meanness from a Canadian is probably well-earned.

eric cartman GIF by South Park Giphy

On a Canadian jobsite

Ahh Terry, having you around is like losing three good men.

StrykerSeven

Oof, that’s harsh.

He's so far behind he thinks he's first.

Perstn

I had a keychain as a kid that said, "She who laughs last thinks slowest.”

KatieSedai

Those are some gross socks.

Once heard someone say "Well he's about as sharp as a sock full of soup".

Angrypunishment

"Sharp as a marshmallow" was one that went around my friend circle.

Rubywolf27

In the words of the great prophets Smash Mouth, “I ain’t the sharpest tool in the shed”. That self-burn is perhaps one of the most classic euphemisms. And I just almost misspelled “euphemism”. So I can definitely relate to that lyric.

A good way to exercise your brain? Keep thinking of creative ways to insult people. Trust me, it works like a charm

Image by 1388843 from Pixabay

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