You know, your day could be just fine and dandy until the moment someone, who might not be the sharpest knife in the drawer, asks you something that makes you ask yourself: Did I really just hear that?
And you did. You did, sorry to disappoint you.
The responses were utterly golden (or maybe not, if you get our drift) after Redditor Swish_Fate asked the online community,
"What is the dumbest question you've been asked?"
"A coworker of mine..."
A coworker of mine, without any context, asked me, "Is Ash Wednesday this Friday?"
"During my exchange year..."
During my exchange year in the US, I was sitting in my English class and we had a few minutes until class started, when one of the guys I spoke regularily to, suddenly turns and asks me if I could speak English since I'm from Germany.
I calmly asked him in what language we had been speaking just a second ago. It was pretty hilarious and even our teacher had a good laugh with us.
In short: Guy asked me if I could speak English, while we were talking in English.
"Thankfully..."
"Are you a real black person? Your skin is too light." Thankfully it was asked by a little kid, but it was so stupid that I still laugh about that years later.
"Asked by a guy..."
Giphy"Won't they hatch?"
Asked by a guy who had just thrown out two dozen eggs that had *just* passed their expiration date. He was concerned about having 24 little chicks running around inside his refrigerator. Dude was a university-level science major.
"At the same job..."
"How do you spell TV?"
To be fair, that one came from a young kid. Here's a runner-up from a middle-aged woman in a meat shop where I used to work:
Grown Woman: "What's the difference between the cooked prawns and the raw prawns?"
Me: "... These are cooked, and these ... aren't."
GW: "But these ones are pink and these are grey."
At the same job, I was ringing up a young woman's purchases, and it turned out she didn't have enough cash to pay for them all. I suggested an item to take off that would bring the total just under what she had, but she decided to take off two, more expensive items. This brought the total down more than enough, and I gave her her change with her receipt.
Her: "Oh!" looking at her change, then pointing at the two items: "Do I have enough money for that now?"
On second thought, maybe I should have put that one first.
"When I was working..."
When I was working at my city's zoo, a woman asked me if she was at the zoo.
In order to ask me that question, this woman had to get off the train at a station called Zoo Station or drive into the parking lot on a road called Zoo Road. Then, she had to walk down a long hallway with lots of pictures of animals all with the zoo's logo (which includes the word zoo) under them, then stand in a long ass line in front a huge picture of a koala and the words "welcome to [city] zoo!" printed in three foot high letters. I was also wearing a shirt and a hat with the zoo's name and a giraffe on it when she asked me this question.
"A man walks in..."
Working in a coffee shop, around mid-afternoon. A man walks in, glances around and walks up to the counter.
Me: Hey, what can I get for you?
Him: Um. (Glances around the store more) Are you guys open?
Mostly out of confusion I also glanced around my store I saw all of the other employees clearly working, and our lobby full of people sitting/eating/drinking/etc.
Me: Yes?
"Both..."
Both come from my days in the food industry:
"What are mashed potatoes?" - a woman who was definitely old enough to vote
"Why did you ring this up as steak burrito and not a vegetarian burrito?" - a man who asked me to put steak on his burrito,
"As a 911 operator..."
As a 911 operator, a caller once asked (on an emergency line) what the weather would be like on Thanksgiving Day in a desert resort popular with off-roaders, that's located about 100 miles away from our city. It was April.
"But my all time favorite..."
From the hotel industry, favorites are generally along the theme of:
"Why didn't you tell me when I booked my reservation (six months ago) that it was going to rain today?!"
"Why is there traffic? Why didn't you warn me there'd be traffic in Manhattan?! Why can't you just tell the cops to let me through?!"
But my all time favorite was at a hotel where for various reasons, the lobby was not on the first floor. The only thing on the first floor as you come in was a bank of elevators, by which you could then reach the lobby.
Had a guest ask, in complete seriousness, "Why couldn't the taxi drop me off at the lobby? All the other hotels it drops me off at the lobby!"
All attempts to answer this were met with increasing rage on the part of the guest, because WHY COULDN'T THE TAXI COME TO THE EIGHTH FLOOR.
Redditor Complete-Sweet5222 wanted to discuss the menu, so they asked:
"What is the most overrated cuisine?"
I won't do french cuisine. No snails. No way.
That's just me.
Fancy Schmancy
Chrissy Teigen Cupcake GIF by Billboard Music AwardsGiphy"Fancy cupcakes. Every ‘designer’ cupcake I’ve had has been incredibly dry. I just don’t get why they charge $5-$10 per serving, but the quality of the cake is below a Walmart sheet cake."
ThoseArentCarrots
"I make cupcakes sometimes. Over baking and day old baked products tend to dry out. A lot of the fancy desserts take time to build, which means the cupcakes have been sitting out for a while."
Stinkerma
Shock
"Not really a cuisine per se, but ‘shock food.' You know those giant milkshakes with whole slices of cake and candy on top, or quadruple cheeseburgers with so much cheese it’s running everywhere. It’s just not practical/tasty and really only exists to get a cool picture."
viillanelles
"I made the mistake of getting one of those milkshakes exactly once. It was fun to get and then you realize you just paid 20 bucks for a normal milkshake and grocery store sheet cake."
ceigetank
Be Simple
"Complicated burgers. Some a good but others have far to much on to eat without disassembly or using a knife and fork."
MedicalUprising
"Also I hate when they have overly elaborate names. I want to verbally order a cheeseburger, not the ‘big wet sloppy double daddy burger.'"
Guava_
"I totally agree. I hate being embarrassed to order something. There used to be an ice cream shop that had funky names for sizes. I had to stop going because I could not stop giggling at having to say 'no, I don’t want a zinger, I would like a zooper.”
bakay138
Premiums...
"Our family has been restaurant investors for 40 years. High end French cuisine using offal or organ meats."
"These dishes are pushed because the costs of these types of meats are very low and produce a huge profit margin. Also, the lack of experience with guests cooking these types of dishes for themselves mean very few patrons complain about authenticity. Usually a chef will throw his/her twist in the menu."
"Most customers can tell the difference between a great pizza and a mediocre one. They'll remember a great steak - but a restaurant may be paying huge premiums to fly that Waygu in from Japan or for your Flintstone tomahawk. Whereas, a local butcher shop will gladly unload offal and such with glee due to low demand. You'd be surprised as to how little we paid for cow brains for example."
rayrayrayray
No Silver?
gold GIFGiphy"Gold-flaked cuisine."
bushbeanbuddy
"God, why did it take me so long to realize you were talking about literal flakes of gold? I read this three times and thought, 'What a weird way to describe fried food.'"
bygollyollie
Gold is meant to spend not eat.
Price Point
Excited Winnie The Pooh GIFGiphy"The most expensive dishes. 'Yeah, man these diamonds sautéed in truffle oil and emerald dust are good, but do you have a cheeseburger?'"
gmen_forever
For All...
“'Something for everyone' restaurants. Anywhere where the menu has a ridiculously extensive offering. If I’m flipping multiple pages and not even halfway, I just know everything is about to taste questionable."
low_power_mode
"Several of my local Mexican restaurants have 8-page menus. All the dishes use some combination of tortillas, cheese, peppers, onions, avocados, beans, chicken, and beef, it's just the proportions and presentation that differ from one to another!"
MatttheBruinsfan
Pork Scents
"No cuisine, but I am sick of the whole 'bacon life' meme. It was funny for a couple of decades, but enough already. Bacon 'flavored' anything is disgusting."
SirReal_Realities
"One time in college I ordered bacon flavored popcorn."
"When I popped it in the communal microwave it smelled so awful that we had to open all the windows and evacuate until it had aired out enough for us to Febreze the rest away. It tasted like death. A couple guys threatened to beat me up if I popped any more. Some things just don't need to be bacon flavored. Popcorn is one of them."
Waffle_Maestro
Portions
"Rather than pick on a specific nationality or style of cuisine I'll talk about presentation."
"Any restaurant where portion sizes get smaller as the price goes up is the very height of epicurean pretentiousness. Like if they actually serve you enough food to be satisfied, it might as well be McDonald's."
"I spent a lot of years working in restaurants, and the ironic thing is what's on your plate is by far the smallest expense in serving that plate to you. There's no reason for tiny portions other than pretentious do*chebaggery."
McFeely_Smackup
Shrimp Then?
"Lobster. It’s fine, it’s just not really worth it’s cost imo. I also like eating it in things rather than by itself. The lobster rolls I had in Maine were much better than lobster straight up."
babythrottlepop
Food should be more affordable.
Do you have and foodie quibbles you'd like to add to the list? Let us know in the comments below.
Moviegoers offered examples of the things that don't fly in real life when Redditor qbl256 asked:
"What only works in movies?"
Courtroom antics are better left up on the big screen.
Anything Goes In Court
"Doing whatever you want in a courtroom as long as you are 'going somewhere with it.'"
– aperson7780
Ignoring Protocol
"Any random person being able to walk up and present new evidence."
– shegedep
Respecting Boundaries
"Also, yelling at a judge and invading the judges personal space always works out ok."
– Slytherian101
Action movies are entertaining because of its heightened sequences that are more convincing on film.
Violent Tactic
"Conveniently knocking someone unconscious so they're not bothering you for several minutes while you do secret stuff. Without killing them or serious brain damage."
"Actually lampshaded in Archer."
– yParticle
Piercing Glass
"Jumping through shattering glass windows and surviving without lacerations all over."
– Glock43xyz
It's Lit
"Shooting a gas tank so it explodes."
"Or removing a bullet from yourself and then you're fine."
– midunda
The Perfect Aim
"Shooting a lock to open it is my favorite. Sure shooting a lock will break it, but you just broke it in the locked position. Now it’s even harder to open."
– Studio_Life
It's Such A Blast
"Running away from an explosion and letting the blast push you to safety."
– ImInJeopardy
Certain elements are added to elevate a scene–which only proves, "yeah, that's not real-life."
Sonic Aftermath
"A hushed conversation immediately after shooting a gun indoors without ear protection."
– KyOatey
Street Vendor At The Wrong Time & Place
"Someone pushing a fruit cart across a street just as you’re speeding by. I’ve never seen a moving fruit cart otherwise. Or seen a fruit cart, actually."
– Double-Elevator619
No Time For Recovery
"Running for a very long time and then being able to talk normally."
– Ruminations0
What I always get a kick out of is when the distressed character attempts to flee from a knife wielding, masked home intruder by running up the stairs instead of going out the backdoor.
Like, why make the escape route that much more difficult by adding another obstacle like jumping out the window or being trapped in the closet until the inevitable moment of death?
Oh, right, it extends the tense sequence to prolong the final moments of the soon-to-be victim.
Ah, gotta love the movies.
