Delivering the news of someone's death must be one of the hardest aspects in medicine. Thankfully we have Reddit which allows us to hear their stories.
Submissions have been edited for clarity, context, and profanity.
I'm not crying, you're crying.
GiphyWorked on a medical-surgical for a few years at the beginning of my career. Sure, we had a few patients here and there that were just there for observation.
My first cancer patient I lost in my career seemed like one of those. When he was admitted to our floor, he was always cheerful, polite, and never admitted feeling ill in any way. One of the nicest people you could want to meet. I remember him because of this. Dude had stage 4b lung cancer, and never once asked for ANYTHING.
Over the course of a few months, I got to know him better. As it turns out, he thought he had a bad cold and found out he was dying shortly. It's shitty, but that's life sometimes I suppose. It ain't always pretty. When he found out, he seemed at peace with it all. Then he began working like a madman from his bed.
Every time I went in to his room to check on him or give him meds, he was writing in a notebook. Only once did he receive visits whole he was with us, and it was his wife, who was brought by a friend. She'd never learned to drive because she never wanted or needed to. Dude spent his entire life taking care of her, completely and totally. As it turns out, all the writing in notebooks was him leaving her notes of how to do things. He'd literally taken care of her since they were in high school. She didn't even know how to use a dish washer. Nothing.
I think of him from time to time, when I've had a rough go with love in my life. The times I asked this man about his wife were some of the few times I saw his face light up with delight. It's nice to think that love like that exists.
Taking the news like a pro.
GiphyThe ones that really stick out are the people who take the news with quiet dignity. Had one patient present with dermatomyositis. 20% of people with this have an underlying malignancy. I told the patient and family this and asked if they wanted to look—they said yes. Did a CT scan, showed multi-focal tumor burden in the liver. Biopsy showed pancreatic adenocarcinoma unfortunately, so Mets to the liver = stage 4. Broke the news to the patient and her family and her response was "thank you for telling me. That must have been really hard for you to do."
Pancreatic adenocarcinoma seems to always take the most gentle people :(gettheread
Get a translator next time.
GiphyOne of my patients had squamous cell carcinoma in situ on his lip that I caught early and was actually removed entirely in the biopsy. We still wanted him to get topical chemotherapy on the area to make extra sure we got everything. For those unaware, it's like a lotion and mostly only has local skin side effects. It was actually good news, but I wanted to reinforce that he's at a higher risk of developing new cancers and it's possible that his children have the same genetic predisposition, so he needs to make sure he and his kids need to be using sunscreen and lip balm with sunscreen it in, plus 6 month follow up.
He was a native Spanish speaker but his English seemed above average so I didn't want to use a translator if I didn't have to. Well, judging from the years and how upset he was, I guess I misjudged his English skills...
He did a good job at picking up the buzzwords. He heard "cancer", "more cancer", "chemotherapy" and "his children have a higher chance of getting cancer", but he missed all the important context.
He thought was going to die and his kids were too. I quickly got a translator and explained everything again. He was still distraught over the emotional rollercoaster moments ago but he understood what was going on.
So my worst reaction was a wrong reaction because I f*cked up
Note to self: make sure my head rest is at the proper height.
Work in orthopaedics. Had a car crash involving 7 family members. Youngest was a 9 year old with open fractures to both legs. Rushed straight into theatre, but the child had developed rapid onset sepsis, mixed with some blood lost and a PE. Died on the table before surgery could begin properly. Despite a large number of staff as you can imagine, we couldn't do any more. The father was the last to find out, as suffered a fractured skull and was moved to a different trauma hospital (crash occured halfway between the two hospitals, patients were split up due to rush/need at the time). He had a bleed on the brain and was in ICU for a week. Wife didn't tell him until he left ICU out of fear it would set him off/hinder recovery.
I heard when he found out, he self discharged. I hope he is alright now and getting help, but unfortunately being in a different area it's hard to find out. I believe it was actually his wife that was driving.
Finally as a side note, please ensure that your headrest in a car is adjusted correctly. I see a lot of head, skull and neck injuries frequently because of this. Only today I was seeing a fractured C5 because of this. It's something your only have to do once if your driving the same car all the time, but in combination with a seat belt it really is there for a reason, not just for comfort.
If this ain't hell...
I was working the burn unit. Guy comes in, MVC head on collision the other driver was drunk and crossed lanes. His wife was killed in the crash. Every time he woke up he asked where his wife was, and he had to be told. He would just start saying "42 years" and sobbing. I can't imagine what it was like for that guy, having to remember every single time you wake up. He was in a lot of pain, AKA lots of dilaudid, which contributed to his confusion. Slowly over time it sank in. Very heartbreaking to watch.
Trying to not picture this but okay.
GiphyI was at a delivery where both mom and baby were having problems. As we were saving baby the OR team was trying to save mom. We did, they didn't. As we were leaving with baby to the NICU the OR doc was telling dad and his family that his wife didn't make it. He saw his baby and asked when mom could begin breast feeding. Grandma fell to the floor crying but dad just had this look like he was just waking up and not hearing what was going on. Seeing him visit the NICU was just so sad, you could see him trying to hold it all in while visiting his baby.
They ain't getting it...
GiphyThankfully I wasn't the only one in the room, but we spent 3 hours on and off explaining to a family that we couldn't transfer their deceased child to another hospital. I think they believed the kid was in a vegetative state, and that we just gave up on them, instead of the reality that their kid was dead.
Some serious spousal shade...
Deputy here. I've been to a quite a few deaths and I've only seen one that was "happy". The husband was a lifetime alcoholic and was on hospice for various related illnesses. When we arrived he was DOA. She told us he went to go to the bathroom gasped and literally dropped dead.
She was at first sad. The more she talked about him we could tell he was a real bastard. She pretty much couldn't make a move with out him. He wouldn't let the grand kids come over and they lived next door. When the funeral home came to collect the body they had difficulty getting him loaded up. The wife remarked "Even dead he still finds a way to be a pain," I couldn't help but grin when she said it.
Cherish every moment...
GiphyIntern year of residency while working on the vascular surgery service. ER pages about an older lady who was being transferred in from an outside hospital with an aortic aneurysm rupture.
Aortic aneurysm ruptures have a really poor outcome, but the interesting thing is that while an individual is actively dying from it they are still coherent and not in (relatively) terrible pain. About a couple minutes of me leaving the ER room, the patient died. Anyways the daughter and best friend arrived, presumably being with her at the other facility's ER previously. I took them to a seperate room away from all the hustle of the ER and let them know. Of course they were surprised because "we were just talking to her" and "she didn't seem to be in that much pain". Both of which are true statements, aortic aneurysm ruptures really are a relatively low pain way to die. But can be pretty shocking for the loved ones to register in a short amount of time.
Alternatively it was the 40-something year old mother of 2 who had been admitted for nausea and vomiting and died of multi-system organ failure (heart attacks, strokes, ischemic colitis, pulmonary embolism, etc) because of a rare clotting disorder than decided to manifest itself all at once for the first time in her. Telling a family that someone that young and previously healthy that not only is the mother going to die, but that they should have their doctor look at screening them for a rare condition is no fun.
That's enough, Internet.
GiphyElderly male patient decided to willingly opt out of respiratory support machine. Lovely man, his time inevitably came around 6 hours later, early in the morning. His granddaughter (young girl around mid-20s) the only family member in the hospital at the time was so devastated she climbed into the bed with him and wouldn't leave the ward. Endless crying, shrieking and asking for her Grandad to wake up... heart breaking stuff. Staff and doctors tried to coerce her to take some time outside but she wouldn't leave the bed. Eventually the rest of the family arrived and talked her out but took a good few hours.
Unfortunately people do "just die." That's how death works.
When I worked in a large inner city ER this family had brought in their grandmother who had went to take a nap in the family living room on her family chair. Well when she didn't wake up for 8-10 hours, the family activated EMS and brought her to me. She had been dead for half the day at this point which was very obvious so we called it, the lady was stiff at this point. When I called the family into the room (all 20 of them) to tell them their 88yo without a decent organ in her body on dialysis had indeed died they accused me first of lying then second of murdering her. Police had to be called as a particularly boisterous 14yo female was being very threatening and repeating what a lot of families say "she was fine this morning, people don't JUST DIE.' Unfortunately that is how everyone dies.
Sometimes there's nothing more doctors can do.
GiphyThis was three years ago, when I'd recently started training in the hospital, and I was placed in a consultation room for a week. The doctor had told me the next patient had received many treatments for her bowel cancer but the cancer was coming back too fast. There was nothing the hospital could offer her anymore, so that day we were to tell her how she only had an estimated three montha left to live.
They walked in the room and she looked as if she already understood what we were about to say, but the husband was distraught. He was in tears, and I had to do my best to offer advice and comfort as the doctor had already gone back to his paperwork. It was one of the most harrowing experiences I've had in the hospital to date, hearing his desperate pleas of whether there was anything we could do to help. His wife did her best to console him too, but I could see she needed the support too.
I'm really sorry I couldn't do anything to help, old friend. I hope your wife rests peacefully.
Going out in style.
GiphyI was doing my internship on a palliative care ward where we were occasionally supporting patients through the medical assistance in dying process. One wise-cracking patient was set to pass away that day. All of the preparations had been made and he had said his goodbyes to his family. There was a bit of a delay and the family had stepped out of the room momentarily. A poor nursing student assumed that the medically-assisted death had already been performed and walked into the patient's room. All of a sudden, he sat up in the bed, stared at her and exclaimed, "WHY AREN'T THE DRUGS WORKING!!!?" She ran out of the room terrified with him cackling in the background.
People should be allowed to die with dignity and on their own terms.
GiphyBest was talking with the family matriarch.
Strong business woman whose children had taken over several businesses in the town. Very rich influential family.
We originally admitted her as a stroke but on further review found multiple brain metastasis. Family wanted everything done. This was a mentally alert woman who at 94 they wanted to have chemo and surgery.
I discussed her options with her including no aggressive treatment. She elected for this. She went into hospice and died peacefully a few months later.
She asked what I would do. Having just gone through this with my grandmother and grandfather the year before I gave her both sides of the story. Doing everything and buying a few months but dealing with surgery and illness. Or just pursuing comfort measures.
I think she was happy with the decision.
I think the family was upset with me for giving her that option.
Such loneliness.
GiphySo many traumatic events it is hard to recall all the details or to pick one, but this one was different, no trauma no emergency.
We told this friendly guy of his diagnosis that will kill him soon, weeks to months. Then asked who we should talk to or who can be his guardian. He only had his boss from his recent job. No family, no friends. He was all alone. His boss visited once early on.
I thought about that a lot. Still do.
This is a healthy way to handle death.
GiphySo here's a weird one that's stuck with me.
Had a patient in his 50's die in a single room on the ward while surrounded by his Portuguese family. Mostly women; wife, sisters, in-laws, all in their 40's at least.
We knew he was deteriorating and had no plans to resuscitate if and when he died. A few days into his admission he passes away while the family were visiting. I get called in by the nurse to confirm the death and everyone in the room is completely silent and watching me. I confirm what they already know and everyone just mobs me, hugging me, kissing my hands, kissing my cheeks and thanking me profusely for looking after their relative. Not what I was expecting at all, it was like a sudden collective release of tension in the room. Somehow I think they were just relieved he wasn't suffering anymore.
Baby death.
Nursing assistant, so I'm a bit down the chain of command but still relevant.
Had this Lithuanian couple come in to the ED, couldn't speak a word English. They'd come on one last holiday before their baby came, except they were rushed straight off the plane into an ambulance as the woman had severe abdo cramps and heavy bleeding. The doctor had to translate that the baby had died. I will honestly never forget those screams for the rest of my career. Like, blood curdling, pure heartbroken screams from both of them. Honestly, the whole day every single staff member just was so shaken and upset.
Are kids replaceable?
I work in a pediatric cancer hospital and once when we were talking to a mother about her two year old's daughter's poor prognosis, she said 'as a mother, all I can really think of now that I'm losing a child is when I can start trying for another one'.
It was definitely one of the most uncomfortable reactions I've ever heard, I know grief is complicated but I will never forgot because no one in the room knew how to respond.
No one wants to go out on the toilet.
28 year old, metastatic breast cancer.
The wailing on the oncology ward when she was told there's no more chemo to be offered was bad, but to see the 2 young kids stand there wide eyed and not really take it in was just...something else. In my first year of being a doctor, and had to be counselled by the nurses that kids behave a certain way. Thank god for nurses.
Also had a young guy die suddenly in the toilet (medical patient on a surgical ward). Having to call the family at 2 am in the morning, and then to have the 3 young kids be in absolute shock was also surreal. The nurses locked the entrance to the ward as the eldest child was 16 and they were worried she might run.
Experiencing death is a fascinating and frightening idea.
Who doesn't want to know what is waiting for us on the other side?
But so many of us want to know and then come back and live a little longer.
It would be so great to be sure there is something else.
But the whole dying part is not that great, so we'll have to rely on other people's accounts.
Redditor AlaskaStiletto wanted to hear from everyone who has returned to life, so they asked:
"Redditors who have 'died' and come back to life, what did you see?"
Sensations
Happy Good Vibes GIF by Major League SoccerGiphy"My dad's heart stopped when he had a heart attack and he had to be brought back to life. He kept the paper copy of the heart monitor which shows he flatlined. He said he felt an overwhelming sensation of peace, like nothing he had felt before."
PeachesnPain
Recovery
"I had surgical complications in 2010 that caused a great deal of blood loss. As a result, I had extremely low blood pressure and could barely stay awake. I remember feeling like I was surrounded by loved ones who had passed. They were in a circle around me and I knew they were there to guide me onwards. I told them I was not ready to go because my kids needed me and I came back."
"My nurse later said she was afraid she’d find me dead every time she came into the room."
"It took months, and blood transfusions, but I recovered."
good_golly99
Take Me Back
"Overwhelming peace and happiness. A bright airy and floating feeling. I live a very stressful life. Imagine finding out the person you have had a crush on reveals they have the same feelings for you and then you win the lotto later that day - that was the feeling I had."
"I never feared death afterward and am relieved when I hear of people dying after suffering from an illness."
rayrayrayray
Free
The Light Minnie GIF by (G)I-DLEGiphy"I had a heart surgery with near-death experience, for me at least (well the possibility that those effects are caused by morphine is also there) I just saw black and nothing else but it was warm and I had such inner peace, its weird as I sometimes still think about it and wish this feeling of being so light and free again."
TooReDTooHigh
This is why I hate surgery.
You just never know.
Shocked
Giphy"More of a near-death experience. I was electrocuted. I felt like I was in a deep hole looking straight up in the sky. My life flashed before me. Felt sad for my family, but I had a deep sense of peace."
Admirable_Buyer6528
The SOB
"Nursing in the ICU, we’ve had people try to die on us many times during the years, some successfully. One guy stood out to me. His heart stopped. We called a code, are working on him, and suddenly he comes to. We hadn’t vented him yet, so he was able to talk, and he started screaming, 'Don’t let them take me, don’t let them take me, they are coming,' he was scared and yelling."
"Then he yelled a little more, as we tried to calm him down, he screamed, 'No, No,' and gestured towards the end of the bed, and died again. We didn’t get him back. It was seriously creepy. We called his son to tell him the news, and the son said basically, 'Good, he was an SOB.'”
1-cupcake-at-a-time
Colors
"My sister died and said it was extremely peaceful. She said it was very loud like a train station and lots of talking and she was stuck in this area that was like a curtain with lots of beautiful colors (colors that you don’t see in real life according to her) a man told her 'He was sorry, but she had to go back as it wasn’t her time.'"
Hannah_LL7
"I had a really similar experience except I was in an endless garden with flowers that were colors I had never seen before. It was quiet and peaceful and a woman in a dress looked at me, shook her head, and just said 'Not yet.' As I was coming back, it was extremely loud, like everyone in the world was trying to talk all at once. It was all very disorienting but it changed my perspective on life!"
huntokarrr
The Fog
"I was in a gray fog with a girl who looked a lot like a young version of my grandmother (who was still alive) but dressed like a pioneer in the 1800s she didn't say anything but kept pulling me towards an opening in the wall. I kept refusing to go because I was so tired."
"I finally got tired of her nagging and went and that's when I came to. I had bled out during a c-section and my heart could not beat without blood. They had to deliver the baby and sew up the bleeders. refill me with blood before they could restart my heart so, like, at least 12 minutes gone."
Fluffy-Hotel-5184
Through the Walls
"My spouse was dead for a couple of minutes one miserable night. She maintains that she saw nothing, but only heard people talking about her like through a wall. The only thing she remembers for absolute certain was begging an ER nurse that she didn't want to die."
"She's quite alive and well today."
Hot-Refrigerator6583
Well let's all be happy to be alive.
It seems to be all we have.
Trying to lose weight is a struggle understood by many people regardless of size.
The goal of reaching a healthy weight may seem unattainable, but with diet and exercise, it can pay off through persistence and discipline.
Seeing the pounds gradually drop off can also be a great motivator and incentivize people to stay the course.
Those who've achieved their respective weight goals shared their experiences when Redditor apprenti8455 asked:
"People who lost a lot of weight, what surprises you the most now?"
Redditors didn't see these coming.
Shiver Me Timbers
"I’m always cold now!"
– Telrom_1
"I had a coworker lose over 130 pounds five or six years ago. I’ve never seen him without a jacket on since."
– r7ndom
"140 lbs lost here starting just before COVID, I feel like that little old lady that's always cold, damn this top comment was on point lmao."
– mr_remy
Drawing Concern
"I lost 100 pounds over a year and a half but since I’m old(70’s) it seems few people comment on it because (I think) they think I’m wasting away from some terminal illness."
– dee-fondy
"Congrats on the weight loss! It’s honestly a real accomplishment 🙂"
"Working in oncology, I can never comment on someone’s weight loss unless I specifically know it was on purpose, regardless of their age. I think it kind of ruffles feathers at times, but like I don’t want to congratulate someone for having cancer or something. It’s a weird place to be in."
– LizardofDeath
Unleashing Insults
"I remember when I lost the first big chunk of weight (around 50 lbs) it was like it gave some people license to talk sh*t about the 'old' me. Old coworkers, friends, made a lot of not just negative, but harsh comments about what I used to look like. One person I met after the big loss saw a picture of me prior and said, 'Wow, we wouldn’t even be friends!'”
"It wasn’t extremely common, but I was a little alarmed by some of the attention. My weight has been up and down since then, but every time I gain a little it gets me a little down thinking about those things people said."
– alanamablamaspama
Not Everything Goes After Losing Weight
"The loose skin is a bit unexpected."
– KeltarCentauri
"I haven’t experienced it myself, but surgery to remove skin takes a long time to recover. Longer than bariatric surgery and usually isn’t covered by insurance unless you have both."
– KatMagic1977
"It definitely does take a long time to recover. My Dad dropped a little over 200 pounds a few years back and decided to go through with skin removal surgery to deal with the excess. His procedure was extensive, as in he had skin taken from just about every part of his body excluding his head, and he went through hell for weeks in recovery, and he was bedridden for a lot of it."
– Jaew96
These Redditors shared their pleasantly surprising experiences.
Shopping
"I can buy clothes in any store I want."
– WaySavvyD
"When I lost weight I was dying to go find cute, smaller clothes and I really struggled. As someone who had always been restricted to one or two stores that catered to plus-sized clothing, a full mall of shops with items in my size was daunting. Too many options and not enough knowledge of brands that were good vs cheap. I usually went home pretty frustrated."
– ganache98012
No More Symptoms
"Lost about 80 pounds in the past year and a half, biggest thing that I’ve noticed that I haven’t seen mentioned on here yet is my acid reflux and heartburn are basically gone. I used to be popping tums every couple hours and now they just sit in the medicine cabinet collecting dust."
– colleennicole93
Expanding Capabilities
"I'm all for not judging people by their appearance and I recognise that there are unhealthy, unachievable beauty standards, but one thing that is undeniable is that I can just do stuff now. Just stamina and flexibility alone are worth it, appearance is tertiary at best."
– Ramblonius
People Change Their Tune
"How much nicer people are to you."
"My feet weren't 'wide' they were 'fat.'"
– LiZZygsu
"Have to agree. Lost 220 lbs, people make eye contact and hold open doors and stuff"
"And on the foot thing, I also lost a full shoe size numerically and also wear regular width now 😅"
– awholedamngarden
It's gonna take some getting used to.
Bones Everywhere
"Having bones. Collarbones, wrist bones, knee bones, hip bones, ribs. I have so many bones sticking out everywhere and it’s weird as hell."
– Princess-Pancake-97
"I noticed the shadow of my ribs the other day and it threw me, there’s a whole skeleton in here."
– bekastrange
Knee Pillow
"Right?! And they’re so … pointy! Now I get why people sleep with pillows between their legs - the knee bones laying on top of each other (side sleeper here) is weird and jarring."
– snic2030
"I lost only 40 pounds within the last year or so. I’m struggling to relate to most of these comments as I feel like I just 'slimmed down' rather than dropped a ton. But wow, the pillow between the knees at night. YES! I can relate to this. I think a lot of my weight was in my thighs. I never needed to do this up until recently."
– Strongbad23
More Mobility
"I’ve lost 100 lbs since 2020. It’s a collection of little things that surprise me. For at least 10 years I couldn’t put on socks, or tie my shoes. I couldn’t bend over and pick something up. I couldn’t climb a ladder to fix something. Simple things like that I can do now that fascinate me."
"Edit: Some additional little things are sitting in a chair with arms, sitting in a booth in a restaurant, being able to shop in a normal store AND not needing to buy the biggest size there, being able to easily wipe my butt, and looking down and being able to see my penis."
– dma1965
People making significant changes, whether for mental or physical health, can surely find a newfound perspective on life.
But they can also discover different issues they never saw coming.
That being said, overcoming any challenge in life is laudable, especially if it leads to gaining confidence and ditching insecurities.