Working in a doctor's office means helping people when they're at their lowest. Sometimes, that leads to wonderful moments when the patient is thankful for all the advice and care you provided.
Other times, it means taking something out of someone's bum that shouldn't be there.
Turns out, that second one happens a lot more than you might think.
"ER doctors and nurses of reddit, what is the dumbest cause of injury you've ever seen?"
For Fashion And Protection
"I had a patient come in with lacerations to her fingers. Her blender got clogged and she stuck her hand inside to clear it. She cleared it and the blender resumed....um blending. Luckily, she had long acrylic nails. This helped lessen the impact."
I'd Rather Go To Sleep
"Guy came in after being concerned the bed sheet had stuck to his lower leg. Turns out hed been using a petrol mower the evening before and it had exploded. Full thickness burn to his calf. No pain. He wanted to go home to feed his cows instead of being transferred to burns and plastics. Man it looked like white leather."
Why Play Typical Catch?
"Guy was camping with his frat buddies and they were firing air rifles at each other with a baseball glove on."
"The pellet was lodged well into his hand. Like, how did you think this was going to end?"
Close Eyes Off From The World
"I was in the ER as a patient next to a guy who was brought in via ambulance because he super glued his eye lids shut."
"He was high as a kite, but so was I from the pain meds I'd been given for my own injury. Whatever meds I was given made me think everything was hilarious. I got yelled at by the nurses for laughing hysterically in the next room. He was being a pain in the a--, ER was on diversion already, and they were not amused."
This One Is Kind Of Sweet, But Use The Mailbox Next Time
"Not really injury, but I had a young man come in in the middle of the night to the ENT ER with a foreign object in his ear. It was a tinnie tiny letter from his girlfriend."
That's Why It's Called A "Dog" Toy
"A few stand out. Person somehow swallowed a spiked dog toy."
"Someone tried to reverse his circumcision by cutting more of his d-ck off with a pair of scissors."
"About every object known to man up the bum. 'if you like it then you shoulda put a string on it.'"
The Science On This Checks Out
"Not a doctor or a nurse, but I work in the ER. We had a guy come in, a 70 yr old. He was disabled, unable to speak or hear. So the nurse had to write everything down for him, all he did was put his hands like horns above his head (devil like horns). Turns out this dude was higher than a kite. He had drank Fabuloso (similar to Pine Sol). Sniffed rat poison. High on meth and cocaine. All he wrote down was that the devil was telling him to do that."
Incarceration Doesn't Mean You Stop Self-Care?
"When I was nursing in prison, I was called to the cell of an inmate who had smuggled Veet into the wing and rubbed it on his balls. He was not a happy bunny. He absolutely refused to say why he had done it but his motivation must have been strong, I mean everyone else was smuggling heroin and mobiles into the prison, but Veet????"
Yeah, But, How?
"I've seen an internal vaginal laceration from someone climbing a fence while trying to see something happening down the street."
Which Way Was It Pointing?
"I was once in the [emergency] unit with my then bf. There was a guy with a tiny hole in the middle of his forehead. Nailgun accident..."
Again With The Butt...
"ER Nurse here"
"-We had a girl come in and who knows what she was doing but she had one of the thin glow sticks in her bladder, maybe some fun finger/glow play during a concert? I don't know but pretty wild."
"-Also I had a Spanish speaking only gentleman explain why a shoe polish bottle was in his bum, we had to use a video interpreter due to the language barrier but it's was pretty wild to hear the interpreter say "I have a bottle of polish in my anus" after expecting him to just explain why he had belly pain. We also proceeded to print out multiple pictures of common types of shoe polish he used to ask him if it was "this one or that one". It was hilarious when he identified what one it was based on the picture, he had to go to the OR"
These Conspiracy Theories Are Easy to Debunk | George Takei’s Oh MyyyThere are some bizarre conspiracy theories out there. Like Australia isn't actually real... seriously? Any conspiracy theory that requires many people to kee...
Sounds Like A College Guy Thing To Do
"Had a university student who ignited a firework in his anus while drunk for the amusement of his buddies. It exploded, causing full thickness burns of his rectum, resulting in him needing a colostomy"
A Complete Lack Of Understanding Of How Sicknesses Work
"Not the dumbest ,but certainly the funniest....for me. So this young kid early 20's comes in triage all panic like and nervous. Chief complaint was Lung infection. We bring him back and before I can even ask him his name hes yappin a mile a min saying hes gana die and hes so stupid. I finally get him to slow down and ask what happen. He just keeps swearing hes got a lung disease."
"long story short his girlfriend had bronchitis and gave him oral sex. she told him after and he freaked out. He wanted us to check his penis for bronchitis. I am trying my hardest not to laugh in his face, bc he was first off dead ass serious and almost in tears. Secondly trying to be professional. So I do the only logical thing. I grab my buddy also a ER Nurse and ask the guy to tell him the story cause its always better to get a second opinion."
"Once he hears the story he starts crackin up, I loose it and this guy is crying saying we dont care if his dick gets bronchitis and falls off. we eventually pull it together and tell him he needs to see a doctor right away!. walked his dumb-ss back to fast track and he was discharged in 10 min. lol fun times. ER triage is sometimes the best free comedy you can get. Cant make this sh-t up."
Bums And Chainsaws. You're Going To See A Lot Of Those In The E.R.
"Giant potato. Up the arse. Apparently they were peeling the spuds in the bath tub, naked, got up to answer the doorbell [apparently with the intention to remain naked], slipped on another potato, potato went up bum. Apparently there was 50kg of potatoes in tub, according to his recollection."
"Dude with chainsaw, for whatever reason, was upstairs in house when they decided to fire it up. Save time apparently."
"Tripped down stairs with chainsaw in operation. Lopped arm off. Not sure what the real story was, but the idea of a guy tumbling down a flight of stairs, in a house, with an operating chainsaw, a tad chortle worthy, in that galllows kinda way."
We're Never Going To Make It As A Species, Are We?
"In addition to the multitude of ass-related banality, there was the guy who tried to kick an obstruction away from the lawnmower while he was using it barefoot. He was lucky they managed to save a bit of his foot."
"Operating theatre - this woman came in with a frozen chicken stuck inside her lady parts. Apparently she had a habit of buying them, inserting them and then pulling them out, as she really had a thing for going through childbirth, but on this occasion, she hadn't allowed time for it to defrost properly /adequately."
Doctors have definitely seen some stuff. Do they want to remember all of it? That's a question only they'll be able to answer, years and years after seeing so many things taken out of so many anuses.
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