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People Break Down The Craziest Money-Making Schemes They've Ever Heard Of

Reddit user primeiro23 asked: 'What are the craziest ways you’ve heard of people making money?'

When I was in seventh grade, I had aspirations to be a poet. I made a Mother's Day card for my mom with a cute (but now, cringe-worthy) poem inside, and a hand-drawn picture of a rose that took me hours to perfect.

A friend saw the card and said they wished they could do the same. Then suddenly, she asked if she could buy the card from me. I said no, since I needed to give it to my own mother, but I said I could make her a copy. From there, my friend got the idea for me to make copies of the card to sell. I went along with it, mostly because I didn't think it would actually work.

Turns out, it did. After making sure people would actually be interested, we went to the library after school and made several color copies of my card for 10 cents each. The next day, we sold each card for $1. Not only did we make enough money so that my friend and I could both afford to get our moms an actual present in addition to the card, but we had enough leftover to put us over the top for the money we needed to buy the matching faux leather jackets we'd been wanting all year.

The next year, many people who bought cards asked me to do it again, so I did. Once again, we made a killing. We didn't try to do it again once we got to high school, but it was definitely fun while it lasted.

When we tell people this story, they think it's a pretty crazy money-making scheme. Maybe it is, but we're not the only ones who ever did anything like this. Redditors know all about crazy money-making schemes, and are eager to share their own stories.

It all started when Redditor primeiro23 asked:

"What are the craziest ways you’ve heard of people making money?"

Tumble Into Business

"In college, I take a class on how to start & run a small business. Prof tells us to think of ridiculous business models for our fictitious businesses as we will get more out of the class that way. Stupid ideas ensue. Selling paperclips door to door, refilling car gasoline tanks in people's driveways, service to read & summarize the newspaper to executives etc."

"One classmate decides he is going to sell tumbleweed."

"Guess who quits college and started a successful business? Tumbleweed guy. Takes a van to the desert, collects tumbleweed and sells them to Hollywood movie & TV studios who need them. Keeps the tumbleweed in a warehouse and since they never spoil, his only costs are gasoline, storage & a website. He eventually becomes the number one tumbleweed provider to studios around the world, shipping tumbleweed globally."

"Made a heap of money selling what millions of people drive by and ignore every year."

– Accomplished-Fig745

Synopses

"I did have a job reading and summarizing newspaper articles to the boss. Literally only task I was hired for."

– Draigdwi

"An actual union job in the film industry is reading scripts and summarizing them in short mean book reports."

– Trixiebees

Jump!

"Heard of crazier, but a guy I know, friend of my mother's, went to Texas 30+ years ago. (we are from Norway), and he noticed every single garden had a trampoline. And it was almost always "jump king" - the circular with blue mat ones."

"So he went to the HQ, bought 10 and took back to Norway. Within days they were sold, and he ordered 50 more, same thing. So he became the only importer and has God knows how many millions to his name today."

– alexdaland

"This IS wild. I went to Norway recently and one of the first things I noticed was that almost EVERY yard had a trampoline in it."

– TrulyMadlyCheaply

Working For A Home

"Back when Dogecoin took off I wrote a guide on recovering old lost wallets and it got so popular I was flooded with requests for further help. Some corrupted wallet files, some lost passwords, etc."

"I have a background in computer science and experience in data retrieval and password cracking, so I started helping people in exchange for a percentage cut (industry standard for wallet recovery). All above board with a contract and everything."

"For a while I was getting new clients every week and making hundreds up to thousands of dollars on every successful recovery (with a fairly good rate of success). The biggest one I ever recovered was a 19 letter long password someone had lost. The work dried up when the price of doge dropped but it got me the down-payment on a house."

– internetpillows

Horsing Around

"A cabbie in Dublin once told me a story about one of his fares who had a brilliant hustle."

"The guy was a sculptor. He would watch horse races, then when a horse won, he'd use social media to contact the owner directly with a digital mockup of a life-sized sculpture of the winning horse. Now, the people who own winning racehorses tend to be very rich - we're talking sheikhs, oligarchs, billionaires. Every now and again, one of these owners would bite, and spend €100,000 euros or so on a statue commemorating their animal's win."

"Dude only did a couple a year, and spent the rest of the time living the good life."

– escoterica

Sweet!

"Richest guy in a rich town near us makes enormous amounts of money buying Hershey bars and rewrapping them with customised retirement celebration designs or corporate logos to be given away at events. Literally just rewraps them in pieces of paper and doubles or triples his money."

"Every time I try to start a company or invent a better product or something, I ask myself why I’m not just rewrapping candy bars."

– perchance2cream

"F**k man, I think I found my new niche."

– LibertyPrimeIsASage

Slightly Used

"I went to college in a capitol C college town. A friend of mine bought an old school bus, fixed it up and took out all the seats."

"At the end of every semester she would drive around the neighborhood that was the fancier side of off campus living and collect whatever the rich kids were throwing out before they moved / went home for the summer. Flat screen TVs, couches, computers, tables, it was wild to see what people would chuck out and replace the next semester rather than having to deal with getting a storage unit or moving themselves."

"Sold it all on Craigslist over the summer or the beginning of the next semester and made a killing."

– sam_neil

Credit Where Credit Is Undue

"When I worked in a really busy, upscale restaurant my coworker would put all of his cash-paying customer’s bills on his credit card and keep the cash which he used to promptly pay off his credit card."

"He did this all day, every day for quite a while and the points started to add up and he was getting free airfare, etc."

"Worked great for a while until management notice a rise in credit card processing fees with an emphasis on one employee and they shut him down real quick."

– blinkysmurf

We Found Gold!

"My buddy worked his way through college by panning for gold. This was in 2009 in California. Most days he made nothing, occasionally he would come home with a couple hundred bucks worth and I think once he found a night worth over $1k."

– discostud1515

"My cousin had a metal detector when he was in HS. He would go every weekend down to the lake and take it with him on vacation. He found all kinds of things. He did find gold jewelry and would sell it online. He made so much money he bought his own car."

– Content_Pool_1391

Sleeping For The Job

"I knew a woman whose job was literally to sleep."

"A local office building owner wanted somebody on-site 24/7 to be the point of contact with first responders if they ever needed to be called. So they hired her to come in to the building in the evening when the maintenance crew was finishing their work. And she would settle up to sleep for the night in a bedroom they'd set aside for her. In the morning she'd hand the building back over to the office employees and go on about her day."

"No first responders were ever called. It's about the least stressful legitimate job I could ever imagine."

– CaptainTime5556

The Secret

"Back in the 90s, I knew a guy who put an ad in the classified section of the newspaper which read something along the lines of, “For $10, I’ll tell you my secret to making easy money. Send $10 cash to (address) to find out how.” People would send him $10 & he would then instruct them to put a classified ad in the newspaper telling people to send $10 & how to make money."

– freudianfalls

Accident Payment

"I was pushed down the stairs by a teen girl who told me to "pay attention and get out of her way" i ripped my dress during the fall and was getting back up when some guy rushed up to me, apologized for his daughter and handed me $500 as compensation."

– thebrilliantcounc

"LOL - years back, I was in a parking lot during a snowstorm. A guy was trying to pull around me, slid on the snow/ice and hit into my passenger side door. It really and truly was an accident. He was all apologies. We exchanged info - he said to get a quote and he would pay for the damage."

"Well, the car I was driving at the time was a crappy old Ford worth maybe $500. But, I went to a body shop, got a quote on the repair and it was $900. I faxed it to him (this was back in the 90's, LOL) thinking he'd tell me to go through the insurance company and just have the car totaled out."

"To my surprise, I had a bank check for $900 from him in my mailbox three days later. Now, I already owned another car, so I pocketed the $900, sold the smashed car for parts for $300 and ended up with $1200 on a car that was worth only $500 before the accident. I was very glad that he ran into me!"

– Deleted User

Only Feet

"I have a friend who sells pictures of her feet. In heels. Barefoot squishing cake. In mud. She charges extra for special requests. Has strict ‘no go’ rules. Never shows anything above the calf so she can’t be identified (no tats). All proceeds go to her kid’s college fund. Has made enough to fund a PhD."

– NotACrazyCatLadyx2

The things people do for money! But, I guess it works for her!

People Reveal Which Non-Horror Movies Absolutely Traumatized Them As A Kid

Reddit user alina_love_ asked: 'What's a non horror movie that traumatized you as a kid?'

No matter how long ago we saw it, there are some scenes or images from movies that still send shivers down our spine or keep us awake at night to this very day.

Pennywise appearing in the sewer in It, Janet Leigh surprised in the shower in Psycho, Freddy Kreuger's tongue popping out of the telephone in A Nightmare on Elm Street.

Of course, some of the scariest, most disturbing, or most emotionally traumatizing scenes from films might have been featured in films outside of the horror genre.

Even more shockingly, some of these films were primarily marketed towards children!

Redditor alina_love was curious to hear which non-horror films the Reddit community saw as children still send shivers down their spines today, leading them to ask:

"What's a non horror movie that traumatized you as a kid?"

It Was Tim Burton, After All...

"'Pee Wee's big adventure'."

"Large Marge scared the crap out of little me."

"I was even scared of the fortune teller."- BlueStarrSilver·

With A Title Like "Temple Of Doom"...

"'Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom'."

"The scene where the guy gets his heart ripped out traumatized me for years."- Pbhf

That Funeral Scene Though...

"'My Girl'."

"Fear of death, fear of losing a friend, fear of bees, fear of puberty."- heidismiles

macaulay culkin kiss GIFGiphy

Jurassic Park's Got Nothing On This...

"'The Land Before Time'."

"Watching Little Foot’s mother die was awful."- HourglassSass

He'll Always Regret Not Bringing Her To The Museum...

"'Bridge to Terabithia'."- jumpstart-the-end

"Everything goes so well and it falls apart SO FAST and your left absolutely traumatized."- VortexDestroyer99

The Reason People Hold On To Their Appliances For As Long As They Do...

"The Brave Little Toaster'."- Catgurl

"The junkyard scene alone was responsible for so many nightmares."- ManChildMusician

brave little toaster animation GIF by Coolidge Corner TheatreGiphy

And Let's Not Forget The Coachman's Smile...

"Disney’s version of 'Pinocchio'."

"The scene where kids are turned into donkeys and kept on the island and then resold was f*cking weird."

"You felt bad for that bully kid after he looked sad and nobody understood what he said because he was a donkey."- earnestlikehemingway

Few Things More Sad And Scary Than Deforestation

"'Ferngully: The Last Rainforest'."

"That evil tree scared me so bad."- slutsdotnet

Anything But "Truly Scrumptious"...

"The 'Chitty Chitty Bang Bang' Childcatcher guy!"

"I'm still scared of him!"- Jet_Maypen

child GIFGiphy

Offing Children One By One...In A Children's Movie!

"'Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory' boat scene."

"Honorable mention of claustrophobia when Augustus gets stuck in the chocolate tube."

"UGH!"- looseseal-bluth

At Least We Know He Had A "Sole"...

"Who Framed Roger Rabbit."

"That poor shoe….."- dalalice5555

At Least The Song Is Catchy...

"Neverending Story."

"Not even Artax, which was awful, but the Rockbiter and his good strong hands."- marxychick1

Neverending Story 80S GIFGiphy

Dorothy Gettying Electro Shock Therapy Says it All...

"Return to Oz."- Jeff_Steelflexx

"Horrifying! What about the animated wig heads?"- weensfordayz

The Reigning King Of Childhood Trauma

"Old Yeller."- IceTech59

"I remember watching this on TV during, I think, Wonderful World of Disney (Sunday nights were Disney night on TV)."

"Cried and cried and cried."

"I've never been able to watch it again and I've never shown it to my kids!"- crowwitch

Not All Friendships Are Tenable... A Terrifying Thought

"'The Fox and the Hound'."

"Still makes me incredibly sad, lol."- mental_reincarnation

best friends friendship GIFGiphy

Sometimes, writers and filmmakers simply overestimate what might go over a child's head.

Or, for that matter, they might underestimate their emotional capacity.

Regardless, ask any of Fairuza Balk's fans which is scarier, Return to Oz or The Craft, and their answer will be immediate...

(... and it won't be The Craft...)


Close-up of a man wildly smiling with his face painted like the joker
Photo by Mihail Tregubov

Sometimes it's fun to toy with someone.

Especially if it's an enemy or a loved one who simply deserves a good ribbing.

Some cryptic sentences can send anyone into a tailspin.

And oh the fun that can be had.

You have to be as vague as possible and as sincere.

You have to sell the sincerity. That's vital!

And then just watch them implode.

Redditor theary18 wanted to hear about the most creative ways to throw somebody off their game, so they asked:

"What is the best thing to say to someone to subtly f**k with their head?"

I love to come up behind someone and say "I can't believe they would treat you this way. I got you girl!"

Then I scurry away.

Tee-hee...

It's YOU!

For Me GIF by Liz HuettGiphy

"Just tack on the phrase 'given your history' to any question you ask someone."

"Are you sure you want another drink? Given your history?"

"Do you mind driving? Given your history?"

hamletreset

Mean Kids...

"I moved to my elementary school in the 5th grade. Mid-year, a boy came up to me and said, 'I really thought you were gonna be somebody.' I'm now 45 and I'm still like, what the f**k was he talking about?"

NicklePlatedSkull

"Likely something they heard a parent say to someone. Kids love to repeat the dumb stuff you say the next day at school."

itsallgoodman2002

"All jokes aside he probably thought you were someone else. I've done the same things countless times and it's happened to me a few."

Download_more_ramram

"I would interpret this as this kid hearing there's gonna be a 'new kid' and then their imagination ran wild as to who this new star is going to be, that it will be like in some kid movie or something, but you turned out to be just another kid student."

i_was_planned

I Like You

"I don't get why other people don't like you."

Dependent_Main2643

"Another variant is..."

"I don’t care what everyone else is saying. I think you’re great!"

"They’ll take it as a compliment at first but then they’ll think about it and it’ll eat away at them."

Oh-Cool-Story-Bro

"A guy I work with says this time to me every time I help him 'I don’t care what everyone else says about you you’re alright. Literally everyone else. We did a poll.' XD guy says some crazy s**t. When he started he tried to convince us he was a flat earther. He just likes fucking with people."

ThreeBeatles

Rumors

“'I heard about you.'"

ignorantpigeon

"Whenever I hear this I always respond with 'if it’s all good, it’s all lies.' Usually shows my sense of humor and if it is bad things they heard it usually lightens the mood."

ElApolloLoco

"Years ago I worked at a cafe and function venue which was sold after a few years to a new catering company. The first time I met the new restaurant manager I introduced myself and she exclaimed 'Oh, you’re winoforever!' and I was a bit weirded out. Then not long later I met the new owner and she also said 'Oh, you’re winoforever!' I still wonder twenty years later what they’d both heard about me."

winoforever_slurp_

Problems

Drunk Party Girl GIFGiphy

"Go up to someone at a party and say: 'I just want you to know that personally, I have no problem with you being here.'"

LuketheMook

"I once got drunk and effectively said that to a girl at a wedding. 'I don't care what everyone else thinks, I always liked you' or something like that."

Supersnazz

Parties are the perfect setting for these shenanigans.

Especially with the drinkers.

But get them at least semi-sober.

I got You

Okaay What GIF by ABC NetworkGiphy

"If you are chatting with someone and another person walks up look at them and say 'I just want you to know that I was defending you' then turn and walk off. It's a good 2fer."

could_use_a_snack

Hush

"'We know, but don't worry, we'll keep it a secret.'"

ch3rrycsmos_

"A friend in high school (actually still a current friend) said something similar to me and it definitely f**ked with my head. 'You know you're not fooling anyone, right?' He wouldn't elaborate and it took me the rest of the day to figure out he was f**king with me. As a guy with imposter syndrome, especially as a teen, that had me turned for a bit."

ablackcloudupahead

You Again

"If it’s someone you interact with repeatedly, always introduce yourself as if you’ve never met before."

Stillwater215

"I keep doing this to a guy I see very occasionally. He's a friend of my sister-in-law, but I've introduced myself to him at least four times. Right now, I'm trying to picture his face and I totally can't, so if I see him again, I'll introduce myself again. He remembers me though. And I don't have this issue with anyone else, I just can't remember this guy's face for some reason."

KrtekJim

Big Mouth

"You really need to brush your teeth."

setthepinnacle

"Somebody jokingly left a message on the 'tip' line that said 'Take a breath mint.'"

"I'm like 90% sure it was just the first thing that came to his head but it f**ked with me for weeks. I was self-conscious when talking to people, being close to them with my mouth open, and I'd constantly be brushing longer/harder taking mouthwash a couple extra times a day, and using mints."

ToFaceA_god

Head Issues

Think About It GIF by IdentityGiphy

"Give all your friends a few dollars to compliment their hat if they’re not wearing one. When 50 people insist you’re wearing a hat, you start to think you’re wearing a hat. It will drive them insane."

Stillwater215

Hats off for that last one. That's harmless but devious.

Do you have any tips to add? Let us know in the comments below.

Couple laughing
Photo by Devon Divine on Unsplash

Part of the fun of dating and being in a relationship are the unexpected, impulsive moments.

What's funny is how these could be equally arousing moments, too, even if they're moments that we never expected to make us feel that way.

Redditor thann3 asked:

"What is the weirdest thing your partner did that turned you on?"

Backing Up

"When he backs into a parking spot, he puts his right hand on the back of my seat when he looks behind him."

"Hnnnngggggghhh. Gets me going and I don't know why."

- evilpinkmoney

"Every time someone mentions this, I am reminded of the time I did it and accidentally backhanded this girl in the face."

- kingoflint282

That Reading Voice

"In high school, this girl had a soothing voice. Every time she read out loud, I had goosebumps and she gave me butterflies."

- donbruh

Overwhelmingly Happy

"I can’t think of anything weird my husband did, but the first night of our honeymoon, we were talking about the wedding and our future, and I started crying because I was so happy (and told him that’s why I was crying)."

"He was smiling and gave me a kiss and then whispered, 'I don’t know why, but you crying just now turned me on.'"

"Lol (laughing out loud), it didn’t turn me on, but it did make me laugh, and I thought it was weird-cute."

- snarkylarkie

Safety First

"On the first date, he put my seatbelt on. It surprised me because I heard of men opening doors for their dates but not putting their seatbelt on. It just showed a very caring yet masculine side of him."

"The tension of knowing we wanted of each other but agreed to take it slow just made me go feral in my head."

"A year and a half later, he still does it to this day. He even gets 'mad' when I don't let him. I still blush when he does it, especially when other people are in the car with us."

- eeeeriemarie

Certain Accessories

"It wasn't my girlfriend, but over a Skype call maybe a decade ago when I was a teenager, I was on a call with a female friend I had the hots for."

"I casually mentioned that I had a thing for girls in glasses."

"She gasped, told me to wait there, and scurried downstairs. About 20 seconds later, she rushed back up, jumped onto her bed with her jaw resting on her fists, and low and behold, she was wearing glasses."

"We laughed, I didn't know what to say, but that was the cutest and sexiest way of letting me know she liked me."

- GemoDorgon

Good Chemistry

"I know it sounds weird, but her breath is intoxicating. It’s naturally somewhat sweet, and of course, she thinks I’m crazy."

"Edit: We know it’s not diabetes, ketosis, or any other medical issue. We’ve been together for over 30 years and it’s just good chemistry."

- yoooozername

That Deep Stare

"An ex-girlfriend of mine looked at me in a certain way every now and again that just did something to me, like a bit of a stare deep into my soul knowing she wants all of me. Every day I hope someone will recreate and enhance it."

- SamCham10

The Perfect Sweater

"When she wears THAT sweater, I'm powerless."

- wastedmytwenties

"Can someone link a pic of this type of sweater? Asking for a friend."

- schnaizer91

The Sleeve Roll Trick

"My boyfriend rolled up his sleeves kind of slowly the other day, and I felt like I couldn’t hear anything for like a solid minute, lollllll (laughing out loud)."

- farrah_barra

The Corniest Jokes

"This man will make the corniest joke in the whole world, and then his whole face lights up as he giggles at it. Gets me every time."

- Hobbbitttuallly

The Perfect Wine Pour

"We had our honeymoon in Italy and he noticed the waitstaff poured wine really beautifully, so he replicated it. Now I have him pour all my drinks for me."

"For some reason, the way his wrist moves when he pours really gets me going."

- chicken-and-awfuls

Specific Arm Movements

"Two things."

"When he's working on something mechanical and he starts getting serious, he'll flip his cap backward. It's an absent-minded thing and F**K is it sexy. And when he's working overhead, the way his arms flex. Watching him lift things into our attic is an instant turn-on. It's f**king weird, but godD**N does it do it for me."

"Also when I wear something sexy or low cut and he's not expecting it, he'll stutter if he's mid-sentence. We'll be talking from another room for instance, and I'll toss on a revealing shirt and walk in there and he'll lose his train of thought. Or shake his head like he needs to clear it. Your man making you feel sexy is the ultimate sexy move."

- shimmydownnow

Love Language: Physical Touch

"It's the gentle physical touch in public. That little 'Love you' touch as they scurry away to do a thing. Those random touches turn me on so quickly."

- 1beeratatime

Totally Saved It

"He fixed the shower in my truly horrible, low-rent grad school apartment and changed the oil on my car. Not sure why, but that just did things to me."

"If you were to ask my husband, self-deprecating humor would probably be his answer."

"On our first date, he and I went to see this stage production of 'Jekyll and Hyde.' At the bar, they were selling these cute little shots of Bailey's/Kahlua, with each liquor on separate sides of the glass. Me, being incredibly graceful in all things always, completely dumped the Bailey's half onto my blouse."

"His eyes got all big, not sure how to react, and I just sighed, turned to him, and reintroduced myself like, 'Hi, I'm (my name). This kind of thing happens a lot.'"

"He busted up laughing, I ordered a scotch, and we've been together for the past 11 years."

- anyesuki

Simply Existing

"Exist. My girlfriend could literally just stand there and I could and would get a chill down my spine."

- andytheloser12

While we were expecting these responses to be, well, weird, most of these were actually pretty cute or heartwarming.

Sometimes when it comes to relationships and intimacy, something can feel weird simply because it's unexpected, but maybe the unexpected moments are among the best parts of the relationship!

Shocked woman
Alexander Krivitskiy/Unsplash
Extroverts love conversation.

Unlike introverts who tend to shy away from engaging in random discussions, those who are comfortable–or too comfortable–in their own skin love to get all chatty.

That doesn't mean they have anything significant to say.

Strangers shared their bizarre interaction experiences when Redditor AlexanderKeef asked:
"What’s the weirdest thing someone casually told you as if it were totally normal?"

People whom you don't know tend to overshare as these Redditors experienced.

A High Request

"A story from a friend - in Colorado, someone once asked, 'Could you watch my wolves, I can pay you in weed.'"

"There's a lot to unpack in that question!"

– surlymoe

"You don't unpack wolves, you keep them together."

– hwarang_

Unsolicited Prediction

"Husband (30) and I were pushing our shopping cart out of the grocery store when a random man (who honestly looked like dumbledore) looked at my husband and said 'take my hat, you're gonna need it, you'll be bald very soon.' Obviously my husband didn't take it. It was super odd of him to say because my husband had a FULL head of hair."

"Three months later, my husband was diagnosed with a condition that made him lose all of his hair. Weird coincidence."

– hollyjollyaf

Self-Casting

"A guy once told me how he loved the feeling of wearing casts, so he'd put casts on himself- for days or weeks on end. Even if it meant he couldn't drive and would be stuck at home the entire time. He'd use vacation time just to wear full leg & arm casts."

– Present_Dust_2308

Homophobic Homosexual

A homophobic guy I know: 'Being gay is a choice.'"

"I said something like - ok, choose to be gay for a day, an hour, a single minute if you can."

"Guy - That's easy, I'm attracted to men all the time, I just choose to only like girls because I'm not gay."

"Me - Ummm..."

discostud1515

Longheld Grudge

"Once, an older woman came up to me on the street, took hold of my wrists and simply said 'they ripped out my afterbirth', and then carried on walking."

– JennyW93

"It's strange to grab strangers. But one day in Walmart, my granny walked ahead of me, and reached to grab me to show me something, without looking and she was pulling on an old lady's arm obliviously, and the old lady's eyes were like O.O."

"My grandma didn't even apologize, she just let go and yelled at me to stay closer."

– chzygorditacrnch

A Hairdresser-In-Training

"I was getting my hair done this last weekend by my daughter at her cosmetology school. One of her fellow students was excited to meet me. She talked nonstop and eventually told me that she has hemorrhoids and that she has her husband push them back in. So much TMI from a stranger!"

– Digjam823

You never know about the personal lives of people you see on a regular basis.

Squeaky Clean

"I had a college professor on the first day of class say that she is obsessed with Q-tips and cleaning her ears and that her family has to limit her to 3 a day-"

– lokeilou

Here's The Story...

"That they have 6 kids, all with different dads & each dad is in prison."

– ChyCgx2

"I once had a coworker who had seven kids with five different women and he'd constantly complain about how most of his paycheck went to child support. You uh, dug your own grave, pal. I'm really not sympathetic to your plight."

– apocalypticradish

It's the end of the world as we know it.

End Of Civilization

"I know a guy, we don't talk often but due to business we cross paths on occasion. More or less every time we talk he asks if I'm ready for the total societal collapse coming next week, or Tuesday, or at the end of the month.. and so on."

"I just tell him that it's not gonna happen; he usually then asks about my "crystal ball" so I remind him that I've been right every time."

– rkpjr

Zombie Apocalypse

"I went to a ComicCon type event in my city years ago(Walking Dead was a new show, first season for reference) and went to a panel about zombies. They talked about historical zombie lore, the first zombie movies, and the exciting first season of the new show Walking Dead, with some actors on the panel. When they opened it up to the audience for questions one of the first ones was, 'what kind of zombies do you predict we’ll have in a real zombie apocalypse? (Fast vs slow)'…panelists don’t really know how to answer, each gives their personal favorite or worst case scenario. Then we get to, 'What do you think the timeline is for the start of a coming zombie apocalypse?' Panelists are kind of like….? Talk about how things usually play out fiction."

“'No, but exactly WHEN do you think we’ll need to be fully prepared for zombies in real life?' Like, guys, these are actors and media studies academics, first of all they don’t have the level of belief you do and second, the people you should be asking about this stuff are probably biologists."

– AlternativeAcademia

Whenever I feel threatened by a homeless person who is pressuring me to hand over them cash, I tell them, "I''m allergic to corn."

The random phrase throws them and in the brief moment they assess what they heard I'm afforded more time to distance myself from them.

It always works, especially when they realize I'm all kinds of crazy and not worth targeting.