Corporate buzzwords.
Most of us are familiar with them.
Phrases like "paradigm shift," "outside the box," "on brand" and "deep dive" rattle around offices.
Words like synergy, pivot, scalability and leverage get bandied about office emails.
And most of us hate them even as we use them.
Redditor Spec1alistInFailure asked:
"What corporate buzzwords/phrases make your skin crawl?"
the times
"In these unprecedented times...'."
- NFRNL13
"I want to go back to the precedented times."
- edlee98765
"It’s been 2 years."
"I think a precedent has been set."
- tom267
"In these now very well precedented times...'."
- Paddy_Tanninger
job (lack of) description
“We are looking for a dynamic and enthusiastic team player who is confident and adaptable."
"Responsibilities include supporting senior leadership and taking responsibility for duties and workloads as assigned."
"You’ll be a member of an exciting and fast paced team working in a challenging environment.”
"YES BUT WHAT DO I DO?"
- Electronic_Rub9385
Giphy
"Don't forget this nugget, which I saw on a job posting last week, 'Exhibiting courage in the face of ambiguity'."
"Pretty sure that's code for 'You won't know what to do and will have to figure it out in the moment. And it might make you question your integrity'."
- PrincessJos
"Or it means 'You'll be getting conflicting orders from multiple levels of management that all somehow answer to each other but there's zero accountability, so no matter what, your choice will be wrong, so you might as well do whatever you decide is best and take whatever vitriol is thrown at you'."
"'Right to work laws apply, employee can be fired at a moments notice but employee must provide 2 weeks notice if they intend to terminate employment'."
"'Masters Degree desired'."
"'$18/hr'."
- loptopandbingo
"WhY dOeSn'T aNyOnE wAnT tO wOrK aNyMoRe?"
- ikindalold
Is there a slow paced one?
"Fast paced environment..."
- llcucf80
"Aka: 'you'll be doing the work of two or three, but only getting paid for one (barely)'."
"Source: I worked in a 'fast paced environment' for nearly five years. I had a nervous breakdown and panic attacks, and am now on anti-anxiety medication."
"My old boss was like 'don't be afraid to drop a few balls' then fired me after saying that after 5 years I was 'no longer a good fit'."
"She also told me that I should be empowered to know when to say no, but then always told me that I wasn't doing enough to help the other members of the team if I said it."
- Darwinian_10
Giphy
understaffed
"'Rightsizing'. It means they're going to fire a bunch of people and dump all that extra work on those who remain."
- Coogles
"As in 'Merge departments. Ah, too many people now. Let's fire the undesirables'."
"Wait a bit. 'We're going to split up the department'."
- Tokugawa
"Yeah, funny how 'right sizing' never translates to hiring to meet a higher workload."
- tris_majestis
"No, because you don't need a friendlier sounding euphemism for 'exciting growth opportunities'."
- Mijal
I prefer the classics.
"'Rockstar'."
"As in 'we're looking for rockstars' in a workplace that is as far removed from guitars, moshpits, and headbanging as possible."
- PM_ME_FOODIE_SPOTS
"Usually, the Rockstars are the best of the best. However, Rockstars cost way more than most companies budget for them."
"They want a Rockstar on a high school musician's salary."
- Jethris
"'Looking for a Rockstar employee'."
"Well you got it boss, I will gladly drink all day and show up hours late on a regular basis."
- BananaDictator29
"Rockstar, superstar, guru, and all-star. I've seen them all and it feels kinda childish."
- Rigel04
"Don't forget ninja. Or actually, let's please forget about ninja."
- regcrusher
Giphy
"I know."
"There are fully grown adults going around calling themselves these names to help sell marketing books."
"So embarrassing."
- AndyVale
"The more cutesy the term a company uses for employees, the worse they treat them, in my experience."
"It’s doublespeak. I actually viewed them as red flags when I was looking for low-wage customers service jobs, in a tier."
"• Crew/associates/agents: slightly obnoxious but okay, because these are true and pretty much the same as employee."
"• Teammates/partners/family members: bad because they imply that you’re on equal footing with the corporate employees who very much view you as a replaceable piece of equipment."
"• Rockstars/champions/cast members/sandwich artists, etc.: the fact that they have to try so hard with these cringy terms shows that they have nothing to offer. These are usually bottom of the barrel, last resort, short term jobs."
- KATEWM
headwear
"'Wear many hats'."
"Aka do your job and other people’s jobs as well."
- throwaway28236
"Yeah, my last job at a ~200 employee company was network admin, system admin, cloud admin, voice admin, desktop support, etc..
"If it was IT related in any way, it was on my plate. I don't miss it."
- EvlMinion
Giphy
"This is usually smaller companies doing things on the cheap, or who can't afford to pay more."
"In my InfoSec days a recruiter LinkedIn messaged me with an opportunity. It was basically CISO, Security Engineer, Penetration Tester and Vulnerability Manager, and a one-man SOC all rolled into one role. Salary £50k."
"That was taking the piss. With the right experience those jobs each are worth more than £50k, the CISO can run into six figures for a good one."
- _spookyvision_
Can I be disowned?
"We’re a family here."
- morphinemso4
"See also: 'You’re not an employee, you’re a partner'."
"'But you still basically make minimum wage. We’ll give you stock options but you won’t make enough money to actually take advantage of those stock options'."
"'Also, you will only get 29 hours of work a week so we don’t have to give any benefits. Oh yeah, and there is no profit sharing'."
"'But you absolutely must refer to yourself as a partner. Now go put on a green apron and make me a f'king Frappuccino'.~Howard Shultz"
- OrchidBest
"Associate is my favorite. You're not even a partner, you're just associated with us in some way."
"'You know, doing the one thing our customers care about paying for, but we'll make sure you get as little money as possible'."
"Me, bitter? Why yes, yes I am."
- Grabnor
It's not easy being green.
"Using 'sustainability' like it is some newfound concept. Bonus points for using it incorrectly."
- FYLBingB0ng
"I do some copywriting for clothing companies and basically if they aren't disposable after you wear them twice and are overpriced they market themselves as sustainable."
- johnbugara
"There's a Levi's ad out now that basically is 'Save the world by wearing Levi's, because it doesn't wear out in a week'."
- Squigglepig52
Giphy
This should have been an email.
"There are many diabolical buzzword bingo winners, but none more diabolical than 'let's regroup in...'."
"That means there is going to be yet ANOTHER of those interminable, time-wasting, meaningless hot-air spewing, MEETINGS in your not so distant future, and you'll be lucky if it only messes with your WORK schedule and doesn't threaten your lunch hour or quitting time."
- Reddidundant
And...
"Annoying phrases (conference call, webinar and Covid-19 edition):"
"This is a living breathing document"
"It's a fluid situation"
"At the end of the day..."
"It is what it is"
"At the end of the day, it is what it is"
"I could care less"
"2 a.m. in the morning"
"Irregardless"
"...puts the onus on..."
"You can't make it up"
"In a vacuum"
"Let's put that in the parking lot and revisit..."
"Adding 'gate' to the end of a word to describe the current scandal"
"Non-military 'boots on the ground'"
"I'm not married to that idea"
"I want to piggyback on that point"
"Telework is no longer necessary"
"Stand down"
"A nothing-burger"
"In these crazy, unprecedented, trying times..."
- Jadakevy
Giphy
Has your paradigm shifted?
Are you feeling synergistic?
Or did we miss your least favorite corporate lingo?
Share your own done to death phrases in the comments.
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For many childhood memories are overrun by living nightmares.
Yes, children are resilient, but that doesn't mean that the things we see as babes don't follow us forever.
The horrors of the world are no stranger to the young.
Redditor -2sweetcaramel- wanted to see who was willing to share about the worst things we've seen as kids, so they asked:
"What’s the creepiest thing you saw as a kid?"
Serious Danger
"Me and my best friend would explore the drainage tunnels under the Vegas area where we grew up. These were miles long and it was always really cool down there so it was a good way to escape the heat of our scorching hot summers. We went into this one that goes under the Fiesta casino and found a camp with a bunch of homeless people."
"Mind you we are like 11 years old lol. And we just kept going like it was nothing. It wasn’t scary then but when I look back at it we could have been in some serious danger. Our parents had no idea we did this or where we were and we had no cellphones. We could have been kidnapped and never have been found."
oofboof2020
Waiting for Food
"I was at a portillos once when I was 12 and I was waiting with my little brother at a booth while my parents got our food. This guy was standing with his tray kind of watching me then after a couple of minutes he started to walk over really fast not breaking eye contact with me."
"He was 2 feet from the table and my dad came out of nowhere and scared the s**t out of him. He looked so surprised and just said he wanted to see if I’d get scared or not. He left his tray full of food near the door and left. My folks reported him but we never went to that location again since we found a better one closer to home."
nowhereboy1964
Captain Hobo to the Rescue
"When I was a pretty young teen, my friends and I were horsing around in San Francisco and started hanging out to smoke with some homeless guys. Another homeless dude came up and began aggressively trying to shake us down for anything (money, smokes, a ride, drugs- all of it) and wouldn’t take no for an answer."
"We got in over our heads and could tell this guy was now riling the other 2 guys up and they were acting like they wanted to jump us. Some grandfather-looking old homeless man appeared out of nowhere and yelled at us to get the f**k out of here- nice kids like us don’t belong down here at this hour!!"
"Captain Hobo saved our lives that night. My parents sincerely thought we were at a mall all day lol."
FartAttack911
Survival
tsunami GIF
Giphy
"I was 7 and survived the 2004 tsunami in Thailand. Witnessed the wave rise way above the already massive palm trees (approx. 40ft?) and my family and I watched/heard the wave crash into the ground from a rooftop."
faithfulpoo
These Tsunami stories are just tragic.
On the Sand
Scared The Launch GIF by CTV
Giphy
"We were a group of kids who went to swim in a local lake. And there was a dead body on the beach with their hands raised and their legs bent unnaturally that local police just took out of the same lake. I've never put my foot in these waters again."
oyloff
Be Clever
"I was walking to school and I was about 5 or 6 years old and some guy pulled up beside me in his car and asked if I would get in. He also offered me sweets to do so. I said no. The creepy bit was when he calmly said ‘clever boy’ to me, then drove off. I’ve never even told my parents or anyone else about this as it would most likely freak them out."
OstneyPiz
Bad Jokes
"Dad's side of the family pranked me by burying a fake body on our back property and had me dig it up to find valuables. Was only allowed to use a lantern for light. They stuffed old clothes with chicken bones. Sheetrock mud where the head was... Random fake jewelry as the treasures... I was like maybe 10 or 11.. I remember digging up the boot first and started gagging because it became real at that point."
Alegan239
YOU
Who Are You Reaction GIF by MOODMAN
Giphy
"Woke up to find my little brother staring at me in the dark, asking, Are you really you?"
PrettyLola2004
Siblings can really be a bunch of creepers.
No one should talk to others in the dark though.
Not all pet owners have the same relationship with their pets.
While anyone who decides to become a pet owner, or pet parent as some say, love their pets equally, some never ever let them leave their side.
Taking their pet with them to work, running errands, even on vacations.
Many pet parents even allow their pets to share their bed with them when going to sleep.
For others though, this is where a line is finally drawn.
Redditor Piggythelavasurfer was curious to hear whether pet owners allowed their pets to share their bed with them, as well as the reasons why they do/don't, leading them to ask:
"Do you let your pet sleep in your bed? Why/why not?"
The Tiny Issue Of Water...
"Absolutely not."
"I have fish."- Senior-Meal3649
Everyone Gets Lonely Eventually...
"I adopted an eleven year old cat the day before Halloween."
"She has mostly lived in my closet since I got her, and she hasn’t been too interested in coming out."
"Last night, she came out of my closet and jumped up on my bed, and crawled under my covers and curled up by my feet to sleep."
"I was so happy!"- YellowBeastJeep
The Comforting Reminder That You're Not Alone...
"I recently lost my Greyhound but I used to let him sleep on my bed with me."
"The company was nice and he was no trouble to have on my bed."- HoodedMenace3
Hungry Cookie GIF by De Graafschap Dierenartsen
Giphy
What Do You Mean Allow?
"I have no choice."
"She is a cat, cats do whatever they want."- Small_cat1412
"He lets me sleep in my bed."- Poorly-Drawn-Beagle
Wouldn't Have It Any Other Way
"I carry my old boy upstairs to bed every night."- worst_in_show
Hug GIF by The BarkPost
Giphy
Who Needs An Alarm Clock?
"I let my two cats sleep with me."
"They're so full of love and just want cuddles all the time."
"And so do I."
"We've all developed a lil routine."
"Get to bed, oldest sleeps on my feet to keep them warm, youngest lies in my arm while I lie on my side (she the little spoon), then when I snooze my alarm for work in the morning the youngest paws at my face and meeps loudly to wake me up."- GhostofaFlea_
Whose Bed Is It Anyway?
"Yes."
"They're also kind enough to let me squeeze into whatever space they've left for me."
"Although I do get a few dirty looks off them."- Therealkaylor
"I found this tiny kitten screaming her head off under a car."
"Would not come out."
"Got some food and some water in dishes."
"I stood by the tire so she couldn't see my feet."
"She got curious about the food and water and started gobbling it down."
"I thought she would bolt when I squatted down."
"She was too busy eating."
"I grabbed her by the nape of the neck and all four legs went straight out and she tried to scratch me to death."
"I got her in the door and tossed her toward the couch."
"She ricocheted off the couch as if she was a ping pong off a table and I lost sight of her."
"I put out food and water and a sandbox and did not see that kitten for three days."
"On the third day, I came home and she was on my bed pillow."
"I thought she would bolt when I came near, but she didn't."
"I wanted to sleep so I tried to scoot her little butt off my pillow."
"She would not go."
"I put my head down to sleep and that is the way it was from then on."
"She ran the roost."- Logical_Cherry_7588
sleepy kitten GIF
Giphy
Sleeping Is A Prerequisite...
"No, he's a cat and he cannot keep still during the night."
"He walks across the headboard, opens the closet doors, jumps into the windows and rustles the blinds, etc."
"If he would sleep he could stay, but alas, he's a ramblin' man."- Spong_Durnflungle
Saying No Just Isn't An Option...
"'Let'."
"Lol."
"It's a cat's world and I'm happy to be on her good side."- milaren
Felines Only!
"The cat does, the dog doesn't and the horse certainly does not either."- Xcrowzz
Angry Tom And Jerry GIF by Boomerang Official
Giphy
Is That My Hair On That Pillow?
"My dog is perfect."
"She comes up, cuddles til we start to fall asleep, then gets down to sleep on her bed so she doesn't get too hot."
"Jumps back up in the early morning for wake up cuddles."
"The hair everywhere is the only downside but she is so cozy, what can you do."- HoodieWinchester
It is easy to understand how some people are able to fall asleep more easily knowing their friend and protector is there, in bed, with them.
Though we can't blame others who don't want to run the risk of being scratched or bitten in the middle of the night either...
The old wives' tales.
They are the stories of legend.
I think we all need a big DEEP Google dive though.
Where did they originate?
WHO ARE THE OLD WIVES!
You don't hear about them as much anymore.
It's like science and logic are suddenly a thing.
But they sure are a good way to keep your kids and their behavior in line.
Redditor the_spring_goddess wanted to discuss the tall tales we've all been fed through life, so they asked:
"What is an old wives tale that people still believe?"
"Wait an hour to swim after eating."
What a crock!
So many summer hours wasted.
I want revenge for that one.
Say Nothing
Giphy
"An undercover cop has to tell you he's a cop if you ask him."
LonelyMail5115
"Pretty much most advice when it comes to cops are old wives tales. I’m not even a cop but most of the advice you hear is pretty off."
I_AM_AN_A**HOLE_AMA
Say Something
"That you have to wait 24 hours to report someone missing."
Severe_Airport1426
"I really think this one is important and should be the top regardless. As it’s a piece of advice that needs to be relearned and the only way to do that is through awareness."
crappycurtains
"This used to be true. I think they changed it after some guy named Brandon went missing back in the '80s or '70s. You used to have to wait 24 hours if the missing person was an adult because they had 'a right to be missing' and then everyone realized that was stupid and stopped doing it."
AlbinoShavedGorilla
Body Temps
"That drinking ice cold water after eating oily foods will solidify the oil and permanently remain in your body. I informed my coworker that if your body temperature ever reached that point, you’d have bigger problems than weight gain."
chriseo22
"Oh, I have a cousin who 100% believed this. One of those guys who believed every early 2000s internet rumor and old wives tale. One night I chugged a big glass of ice water after dinner and he started freaking out and saying my guts were gonna harden."
"I sarcastically told him to drive me to the hospital if that happened. Obviously, nothing happened and the next morning I said something like 'Thanks for being on standby in case my guts filled with hardened oil.' He just walked off muttering under his breath."
apocalypticradish
Arms Down
"When I was pregnant, I was told by young and old alike that I should NOT raise my arms above my head or exert myself in such a manner because it could cause cord strangulation to my unborn sons and daughters."
Fatmouse84
10 Years Actually
Unimpressed Uh Huh GIF by Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Giphy
"Chewing gum stays in your stomach for 7 years."
"I remember accidentally swallowing a piece of gum when I was a kid in like 1995 and just accepting my fate like welp, gonna have this in my stomach til high school I guess."
Gecko-911
I was so afraid to sallow my gum when I was young.
This tale is haunting.
High/Low
Hungry Debra Messing GIF by Will & Grace
Giphy
"You can tell the sex of the baby by how you carry."
LeastFormal9366
"Pregnancy certainly wins awards for the most old wives tales. So much absolute BS was repeated to us by everyone we talked to."
IllIIIlIllIlIIlIllI
The Cursed
"If you’re a woman and you wear opal jewelry but opal is not your birthstone (October), you’ll never be able to have children, or will be widowed, or just generally have bad luck or something. You can counteract this by having a diamond in the same piece of jewelry as the opal, though."
"I have a nice opal ring that my parents gave me years ago, and I’ve had other women give me this 'advice' unprompted more than once when I’ve worn it. I have absolutely no idea where it started, but I’m pretty sure this little chunk of silicate rock has no concept of what month I was born in, let alone of how my reproductive organs work."
SmoreOfBabylon
Stay In
"Going outside with wet hair will make you get pneumonia. Or an earache. Or maybe arthritis. Depends on which old wife you listen to."
"Jokes on them - I haven't blow-dried my hair in decades and usually leave the house with wet hair in the morning. On winter mornings, the tips of my hair get frozen. No ear infections or pneumonia or arthritis yet."
worldbound0514
Dreams and Facts
"You never make anyone up in your dreams you've seen everyone in your dreams somewhere else before and never make anyone up entirely."
"How would you possibly prove that to be true? My partner adamantly believes this and tells me this 'fact' whenever I have a dream about someone I've never met before."
mattshonestreddit
"My late wife used to tell me that before she met me she would have dreams of standing at an alter on her wedding day but could never see the guy's face, no matter how hard she tried. After meeting me the face was filled in with mine. Don't know if it's true but one of those things I like thinking of every now and then when I miss her."
Darthdemented
Cracked
Getting Ready Episode 2 GIF by The Office
Giphy
"Some people still believe cracking knuckles causes arthritis."
Choice-Grapefruit-44
"There's a doctor (Donald Unger) that cracked his knuckles a couple of times a day for 60 years, but only on one hand, just to prove it. Both hands remained exactly the same."
MacyTmcterry
I love my knuckles.
Do you have any tall tales to add to the list? Let us know in the comments below.