We think we know the people in our lives, but it is hard to really know someone. Everyone has secrets, and sometimes learning those secrets can completely change the way we look at them.
Reddit user u/Tiffanie96xx asked:
"What single incident, completely changed your opinion on someone that you had know for years?"
Some responses edited for content, clarity, or profanity.
10. Bridesmaids
Happened recently actually. I'm getting married in less than 3 months and I was supposed to have a get together with my bridesmaids (4 life long friends and my older sister). My sister is a very unreliable, mildly selfish, drama-filled person. My friends are all reliable, amazing people that have been there for me my entire life. The get together (that was basically replacing my bridal shower since I wasn't going to have a shower) ended up consisting of my sister showing up on time and excited and one of my friends that showed up for the end of the event. The other three's excuses: 1 - "I don't feel good" (her Snapchat showed her out drinking hours later). 2 - "I decided not to come into town". 3 - "I woke up late and decided to hang out with my other friends".
I'm hard on myself so I feel a little petty...but this is my wedding. I haven't spoken to the other 3 since then because I can't bring myself to say anything to them other than how utterly disappointed I still am.
9. People Can Change
Just found out my mom’s about to get her three month chip from AA. I’d given up hope that she’d ever want to quit drinking about twenty years ago.
8. Brohunk
I had a friend who was a frat brohunk. You know the type: party hardy, slept with lots of women, athletic, huge male ego. Nice, though. Like the kind of loyal friend who would give you the shirt off his back if you were cold.
One say, he says he's found his true love, and gonna get married. I am dubious. He really marries her. Has a kid, too. A daughter. "Haha," I think. "God has a sense of humor." For years, I see this kid grow up. When she was about 5-6, she started hanging around our kid, who was the same age. I found her a liitle mousy and timid. She was kind of a static background for a bit. Like a "recurring character" in a sitcom.
One summer day, her parents asked if we'd watch her for two weeks while they took care of some family issues. Yeah, sure, bro. She's no trouble. I think she was 7 around this time.
A few days into staying with us, she gets sick. Some kind of stomach bug. Nothing big, but she is on the couch, mild fever, and a little scared. But the dogs kept her warm. My partner and I stayed with her in shifts. At one point, she gets up to throw up. She doesn't make it to the bathroom, and just throws up on the kitchen floor. You have kids, it happens.
So my spouse and I clean her up and make sure she's okay, and the kid is bawling. She keeps apologizing, and we're like, "it's okay. Really. You didnt mean to. The floor is washable vinyl. You have extra clothes. Vomiting is your body trying to get rid of the virus." She gets even more hysterical. "What's wrong?" my partner finally asks.
"Why are you so nice to me??"
"Uh... because you're sick and we like you. You know, decent human beings take care of one another."
She just lost it. "I wish you were my parents..."
My partner and I were stunned. During the rest of her stay, she just did this verbal dump on us about her home life. It was awful. I mean, not surprising, really, but the change was suddenly this kid bawling in our living room went from a background character to "holy sh*t, this is a real person. She really needs us."
From that day forward, we sort of adopted her. Her parents were grateful... sorta ... in their own way. They aren't bad people, but they probably shouldn't have had a kid. She stayed with us a lot, we took her to the school stuff her parents found boring, planned her birthdays, and made sure she got her shots, doctor visits, and the usual stuff.
Eventually she grew up to be a fine young woman. She's living on her own now, and my partner and I miss her as much as our own kid.
7. Not Good Enough
I had a friend throughout my entire childhood. We were in Boy Scouts together, church, school, everything. When I was 13 we moved all but next door from him, it was awesome. However, when we were turning 16, one of his family members died, leaving him about 4 grand, specifically for his first vehicle. To anyone else, that would have been a true gift.
To him, it was dog sh*t. I remember vividly him telling his dad (in front of me, who drove a used old Buick Regal) that he'd never be caught DEAD in a POS like the Dodge Neon his dad had all but bought for him. He demanded that money be a down payment on something much nicer.
So first day of senior year rolls around and he makes sure to buy the spot next to mine, driving a maybe 3 year old Acura TL. If that's not a kicker, as of today he's driving a brand new car his dad makes payments on....he's 27.
6. Nobody Messes With His People
I had a boss who was a notorious asshole. Like get-in-your-face and chew you out kind of asshole. He was loud and obnoxious and, honestly, frightening. Nothing was ever good enough. He'd nag you about every last detail. He was the senior partner for my particular practice group and, by far, the most intimidating person I'd ever come across. I dreaded coming to work to have to deal with his non-stop hostility.
After I'd worked for him for about a year, there was a firm wide party. One of the female associates in my group was sexually harassed by another partner of a different practice group. She went to HR and nothing happened.
My boss (the asshole) found out and discretely pressed her for details. He wasn't f*cking having that sh*t. He went on a rampage ending with the lecherous partner quietly leaving the firm. She told me that at one point he said, "Nobody f*cks with my people."
I started thinking about him differently and then noticed something else. My practice group (that he chose) was about half made up of people of color and women, while every other practice group was 90% white males.
My practice group got regular promotions and a real career track while other practice group worked like slaves to make the partner look good but never got anything for it. When someone on our team screwed up he would ream them out mercilessly when it was internal but in front of the client he claimed the mistake as his own. When someone on our team did well he never gave them praise directly but made damn sure they got the credit. Turns out he was an unbelievably surly asshole but a stand up guy and one of the best bosses I've ever had.
Edit:You guys seem to like John so here's a few more stories about the b*stard.
He would come after you about anything. He yelled at people for not sitting up straight when they were working. He once yelled at me because my socks were too "dramatic". But he could take it too. I remember being at a meeting where he was laying out his plan and theory of the case and one of the senior associates cut him off and said, "that's bullsh*t, John" and then offered his own take.
John sat there visibly fuming and then nodded and agreed and took off in a new direction incorporating the associate's points. I was still junior and remember thinking, "wait, we can do that?"
He would drill us on what seemed like stupid sh*t. Like when we dealt with clients we had to stand until he sat. We all had to put our briefcases down at the same time. Each person had to memorize their area. Not know it, memorize it. He would freak the hell out if you didn't know some fact off the top of your head. The result was that client meetings worked like a law firm version of the borg. No one ever said "um" or "we'll get back to you".
We were like a living encyclopedia that worked in perfect harmony and clients were both impressed and terrified. We had the same routine with opposing counsel which would bring some negotiations to an end in out favor before they could get the license plate of the machine that rolled over them.
One of my favorite memories was when I was a 4th year and we went to trial on a case that we'd been working on since I got there. It was the biggest case in our area of law in history. While discovery went on for 4 years, the trial was only 3 weeks so John wanted to nail it. He got a tailor to make all of our suits out of the same fabric. Combined with the borg thing, opposing counsel almost peed themselves on the first day. Watching him eviscerate witnesses was a genuine pleasure.
His scissors went missing one day. He stalked office to office bellowing, "did you take my f*cking scissors!" He even busted into a conference room where a negotiation was going on and accused them of taking his scissors. I still have those scissors.
Those of us who didn't quit in the first year or ask to be transferred were fiercely loyal to John. Other groups would talk sh*t about how he was a psycho and we didn't exactly defend him but made clear you don't talk about him like that around us.
At his funeral, there were those who described him as a "bulldog" and "tenacious" and "relentless". And then there were his former associates who all agreed they owed their entire career to the son of a bitch and, occasionally, wish we we were back being yelled at because we drank our coffee too loudly.
5. Gee, I Can't Imagine
"What does he have to be depressed about, he doesn't have a job, he doesn't do anything." Said to my mom by her sister while I was in a mental hospital. She relayed it to me later but I kinda wish she hadn't. Really made me question my relationship with my aunt.
4. That Escalated Quickly
GiphyMy mom's got control issues. I didn't really realize something was off until I got to college and started seeing a therapist.
So I determined, with the help of therapy, to set and enforce reasonable boundaries. It didn't go well.
One time, my sister and I came to my parents' house from college to visit. We were going to leave Saturday evening, but she wanted my adult sister to stay until Sunday evening to clean her room... which was clean. But my parents predicted they'd be moving sometime that year, so that's the justification for forcing us to stay - mom wanted her to pack everything right there and then.
I told her we were going to leave anyway, and that we were both adults and could do that. She blew up on me. I didn't buckle, so she left, and then came back trying to physically harm me. I'm much stronger and faster, and she couldn't even land a punch. I was able to remain stationary and deflect every attempt to the side. When she realized she couldn't hurt me, she called the police.
"Please come quick, my son is attacking my daughter and I and I'm so afraid and I don't know what he'll do..." etc.
Well, knowing my mom was how she was, I had expected trouble from the initial blowup. She didn't know that I'd had my camera rolling in my pocket the whole time. The story she fed the police was obviously a lie from the audio. I told her as much while she was still on the line with dispatch. The look of shock on her face was priceless. She began screaming to dispatch then about how something must be wrong with me because I was so calm.
So yeah. I always knew I couldn't really trust my mom, but I never expected her to deliberately lie in a way that could have f*cked up a significant portion of my life or put me in jail. That definitely changed the way I looked at her.
3. Support Should Go Both Ways
Actually just happened this week. A good friend of mine is a graphic designer and I've always been very supportive of his projects and commissions. I always express excitement and give him props for the designs he creates.
I'm an artist, but I just like to paint and make music and do all sorts of little projects of my own. I've never done it for money, I've always just done it bc there's something inside me that feels a passion and a need to express and create. I've rarely sold anything, and a lot of things like my animations aren't really things I can sell. I just enjoy the process of creating. Anyways..
So I finished a painting last week and someone was showing a lot of interest in buying it. I asked my friend what I should ask for it. Instead of being supportive, he started degrading and belittling me. He laughed at the fact that someone wanted to buy it, and went on and on about how it's a rip off to ask 200$ for a painting that will just hang on a wall. "I would NEVER pay over 100 for that" he said. "At least with me I can ask for those prices bc they are for businesses and businesses make money and they need design work."
Instead of letting him hurt my feelings, I just felt bad for him. It was obvious that his words were coming from a place of unhappiness and insecurity. The need for him to compare himself to me and make himself feel bigger than me was obvious that it was coming from inside him and did not reflect on me. To be honest and not to boast, but it's one of my favorite paintings I've done and I'm very proud of my work. Until this week, I've only ever given my art away to friends and to people who show interest and show me that they really enjoy what I've created. I like to give things away when I'm feeling a good energy from someone. So to make money off of it was something foreign to me, but made me feel good.
I realized in that moment that he is actually pretty toxic for me. I started looking back on similar things he's done and how he's responded that way to many things I've done.
The music I've showed him, he just kind of chuckles at and dismisses. I made 5 songs that I sent to my friends just to see what they thought. All the the other people listened and responded well. I'm no Mozart, but it's fun to do and to share it with those close to me means a lot to me. He never once listened to them. And he let me know that he never listened to them. It just showed me that he is not a supportive friend and he is a very insecure person. Nothing against insecure people, we all have our insecurities, but when they manifest in negative ways then it's just toxic.
I mailed that painting yesterday for 300$. I'm very proud of myself and I'm really glad that the buyer is so happy with their purchase. I learned that my friend isn't really a friend and all the support has always been one sided. I'm getting older fast and my social life is shrinking so I now understand the importance of understanding who is actually bringing you up and who is only putting you down. It's all love though, just gonna keep a little distance for now. I hope he can find the inner happiness that he obviously is needing.
2. Surprisingly Cool, Mom
My mother was very LDS. On the 4th of July one year some friends and I took a bunch of mushrooms. My friends tripped out and called their girlfriends to pick them up. I called my dad since he was the more relaxed parent when it came to that. He told me that he couldn't help me and I'm gonna have to wait it out.
So I called my mom.. she picks me up furious, asking how drunk am I and I hit her with "Penny, Andy, and I ate a bunch of mushrooms." She instantly was in a better mood. Asking me if my friends were really with me or if I was just trippin. I asked if she would buy me cigarettes since I left all my stuff in my car.
She made me go into the gas station with her and I started to freak out. I yelled YOU CANT KEEP ME HERE and stormed out. As soon as I got fresh air I felt fine (as fine as I could lol).
My mom was in tears laughing so hard. She let me smoke in her car too. She said everyone should experience it. My mom was cool about it.
1. Dude, WTF?!
My best friend openly wondered why I became a "chubby chaser" in my forties.
I explained that she happened to be the only employee at the company dinner who remembered the waiter's name. Before I could explain the waiter rule to him, he cut me off with "Every pig remembers the name of the farmer who keeps their trough full."
Experiencing death is a fascinating and frightening idea.
Who doesn't want to know what is waiting for us on the other side?
But so many of us want to know and then come back and live a little longer.
It would be so great to be sure there is something else.
But the whole dying part is not that great, so we'll have to rely on other people's accounts.
Redditor AlaskaStiletto wanted to hear from everyone who has returned to life, so they asked:
"Redditors who have 'died' and come back to life, what did you see?"
Sensations
Happy Good Vibes GIF by Major League SoccerGiphy"My dad's heart stopped when he had a heart attack and he had to be brought back to life. He kept the paper copy of the heart monitor which shows he flatlined. He said he felt an overwhelming sensation of peace, like nothing he had felt before."
PeachesnPain
Recovery
"I had surgical complications in 2010 that caused a great deal of blood loss. As a result, I had extremely low blood pressure and could barely stay awake. I remember feeling like I was surrounded by loved ones who had passed. They were in a circle around me and I knew they were there to guide me onwards. I told them I was not ready to go because my kids needed me and I came back."
"My nurse later said she was afraid she’d find me dead every time she came into the room."
"It took months, and blood transfusions, but I recovered."
good_golly99
Take Me Back
"Overwhelming peace and happiness. A bright airy and floating feeling. I live a very stressful life. Imagine finding out the person you have had a crush on reveals they have the same feelings for you and then you win the lotto later that day - that was the feeling I had."
"I never feared death afterward and am relieved when I hear of people dying after suffering from an illness."
rayrayrayray
Free
The Light Minnie GIF by (G)I-DLEGiphy"I had a heart surgery with near-death experience, for me at least (well the possibility that those effects are caused by morphine is also there) I just saw black and nothing else but it was warm and I had such inner peace, its weird as I sometimes still think about it and wish this feeling of being so light and free again."
TooReDTooHigh
This is why I hate surgery.
You just never know.
Shocked
Giphy"More of a near-death experience. I was electrocuted. I felt like I was in a deep hole looking straight up in the sky. My life flashed before me. Felt sad for my family, but I had a deep sense of peace."
Admirable_Buyer6528
The SOB
"Nursing in the ICU, we’ve had people try to die on us many times during the years, some successfully. One guy stood out to me. His heart stopped. We called a code, are working on him, and suddenly he comes to. We hadn’t vented him yet, so he was able to talk, and he started screaming, 'Don’t let them take me, don’t let them take me, they are coming,' he was scared and yelling."
"Then he yelled a little more, as we tried to calm him down, he screamed, 'No, No,' and gestured towards the end of the bed, and died again. We didn’t get him back. It was seriously creepy. We called his son to tell him the news, and the son said basically, 'Good, he was an SOB.'”
1-cupcake-at-a-time
Colors
"My sister died and said it was extremely peaceful. She said it was very loud like a train station and lots of talking and she was stuck in this area that was like a curtain with lots of beautiful colors (colors that you don’t see in real life according to her) a man told her 'He was sorry, but she had to go back as it wasn’t her time.'"
Hannah_LL7
"I had a really similar experience except I was in an endless garden with flowers that were colors I had never seen before. It was quiet and peaceful and a woman in a dress looked at me, shook her head, and just said 'Not yet.' As I was coming back, it was extremely loud, like everyone in the world was trying to talk all at once. It was all very disorienting but it changed my perspective on life!"
huntokarrr
The Fog
"I was in a gray fog with a girl who looked a lot like a young version of my grandmother (who was still alive) but dressed like a pioneer in the 1800s she didn't say anything but kept pulling me towards an opening in the wall. I kept refusing to go because I was so tired."
"I finally got tired of her nagging and went and that's when I came to. I had bled out during a c-section and my heart could not beat without blood. They had to deliver the baby and sew up the bleeders. refill me with blood before they could restart my heart so, like, at least 12 minutes gone."
Fluffy-Hotel-5184
Through the Walls
"My spouse was dead for a couple of minutes one miserable night. She maintains that she saw nothing, but only heard people talking about her like through a wall. The only thing she remembers for absolute certain was begging an ER nurse that she didn't want to die."
"She's quite alive and well today."
Hot-Refrigerator6583
Well let's all be happy to be alive.
It seems to be all we have.
Trying to lose weight is a struggle understood by many people regardless of size.
The goal of reaching a healthy weight may seem unattainable, but with diet and exercise, it can pay off through persistence and discipline.
Seeing the pounds gradually drop off can also be a great motivator and incentivize people to stay the course.
Those who've achieved their respective weight goals shared their experiences when Redditor apprenti8455 asked:
"People who lost a lot of weight, what surprises you the most now?"
Redditors didn't see these coming.
Shiver Me Timbers
"I’m always cold now!"
– Telrom_1
"I had a coworker lose over 130 pounds five or six years ago. I’ve never seen him without a jacket on since."
– r7ndom
"140 lbs lost here starting just before COVID, I feel like that little old lady that's always cold, damn this top comment was on point lmao."
– mr_remy
Drawing Concern
"I lost 100 pounds over a year and a half but since I’m old(70’s) it seems few people comment on it because (I think) they think I’m wasting away from some terminal illness."
– dee-fondy
"Congrats on the weight loss! It’s honestly a real accomplishment 🙂"
"Working in oncology, I can never comment on someone’s weight loss unless I specifically know it was on purpose, regardless of their age. I think it kind of ruffles feathers at times, but like I don’t want to congratulate someone for having cancer or something. It’s a weird place to be in."
– LizardofDeath
Unleashing Insults
"I remember when I lost the first big chunk of weight (around 50 lbs) it was like it gave some people license to talk sh*t about the 'old' me. Old coworkers, friends, made a lot of not just negative, but harsh comments about what I used to look like. One person I met after the big loss saw a picture of me prior and said, 'Wow, we wouldn’t even be friends!'”
"It wasn’t extremely common, but I was a little alarmed by some of the attention. My weight has been up and down since then, but every time I gain a little it gets me a little down thinking about those things people said."
– alanamablamaspama
Not Everything Goes After Losing Weight
"The loose skin is a bit unexpected."
– KeltarCentauri
"I haven’t experienced it myself, but surgery to remove skin takes a long time to recover. Longer than bariatric surgery and usually isn’t covered by insurance unless you have both."
– KatMagic1977
"It definitely does take a long time to recover. My Dad dropped a little over 200 pounds a few years back and decided to go through with skin removal surgery to deal with the excess. His procedure was extensive, as in he had skin taken from just about every part of his body excluding his head, and he went through hell for weeks in recovery, and he was bedridden for a lot of it."
– Jaew96
These Redditors shared their pleasantly surprising experiences.
Shopping
"I can buy clothes in any store I want."
– WaySavvyD
"When I lost weight I was dying to go find cute, smaller clothes and I really struggled. As someone who had always been restricted to one or two stores that catered to plus-sized clothing, a full mall of shops with items in my size was daunting. Too many options and not enough knowledge of brands that were good vs cheap. I usually went home pretty frustrated."
– ganache98012
No More Symptoms
"Lost about 80 pounds in the past year and a half, biggest thing that I’ve noticed that I haven’t seen mentioned on here yet is my acid reflux and heartburn are basically gone. I used to be popping tums every couple hours and now they just sit in the medicine cabinet collecting dust."
– colleennicole93
Expanding Capabilities
"I'm all for not judging people by their appearance and I recognise that there are unhealthy, unachievable beauty standards, but one thing that is undeniable is that I can just do stuff now. Just stamina and flexibility alone are worth it, appearance is tertiary at best."
– Ramblonius
People Change Their Tune
"How much nicer people are to you."
"My feet weren't 'wide' they were 'fat.'"
– LiZZygsu
"Have to agree. Lost 220 lbs, people make eye contact and hold open doors and stuff"
"And on the foot thing, I also lost a full shoe size numerically and also wear regular width now 😅"
– awholedamngarden
It's gonna take some getting used to.
Bones Everywhere
"Having bones. Collarbones, wrist bones, knee bones, hip bones, ribs. I have so many bones sticking out everywhere and it’s weird as hell."
– Princess-Pancake-97
"I noticed the shadow of my ribs the other day and it threw me, there’s a whole skeleton in here."
– bekastrange
Knee Pillow
"Right?! And they’re so … pointy! Now I get why people sleep with pillows between their legs - the knee bones laying on top of each other (side sleeper here) is weird and jarring."
– snic2030
"I lost only 40 pounds within the last year or so. I’m struggling to relate to most of these comments as I feel like I just 'slimmed down' rather than dropped a ton. But wow, the pillow between the knees at night. YES! I can relate to this. I think a lot of my weight was in my thighs. I never needed to do this up until recently."
– Strongbad23
More Mobility
"I’ve lost 100 lbs since 2020. It’s a collection of little things that surprise me. For at least 10 years I couldn’t put on socks, or tie my shoes. I couldn’t bend over and pick something up. I couldn’t climb a ladder to fix something. Simple things like that I can do now that fascinate me."
"Edit: Some additional little things are sitting in a chair with arms, sitting in a booth in a restaurant, being able to shop in a normal store AND not needing to buy the biggest size there, being able to easily wipe my butt, and looking down and being able to see my penis."
– dma1965
People making significant changes, whether for mental or physical health, can surely find a newfound perspective on life.
But they can also discover different issues they never saw coming.
That being said, overcoming any challenge in life is laudable, especially if it leads to gaining confidence and ditching insecurities.