Who hasn't had people over for too long or people that proved themselves to be nightmares? We all wish we had creative ways to get these people out of our houses but usually we fall short because in the moment it's hard to come up with that.
But now we have a Reddit list, courtesy of u/Kingnoamxz, for that very reason:
What's the best way to make unwanted guests to leave?
Here were the best ways.
Blizzard Use
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In my third year flat, my flat mate had this constant need for attention. He'd stand in my doorway or sit on my bed for hours chatting, I didn't mind at first, but it turned into every night of the week without fail and got really, really tedious.
I used to say all sorts like I'm going to chill and watch a film, he'd invite himself to watch it. Got to do my Diss work, he's bring in his laptop to do this.
In the end the only way to get rid of him was to play warcraft while we chatted he'd have half my attention and eventually give up.
Thanks, Square Enix
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Start talking about a topic that bores them.
Had that one friend living in the same building and visiting me too often and too long. But she kind of detested video games so whenever I started with "When I was playing Final Fantasy the other day..." she always blocked "Oh, look at the time! I have to go! Bye!" and went home for the day.
False Senility
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My grandpa used to get up, put on his pyjamas and act surprised that people were still in his living room. Worked like a charm.
Too Awks
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My girlfriend and I always act like we're getting pissed at each other and about to fight. No one wants to be around that.
Irritable Visitors Syndrome
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Stomach problems. Tell a guest that
"as much as I'd love for you to stay, I'm about to have serious gastrointestinal distress and I'd like you not to have to experience it with me!"
That has always worked for me.
Tea Time
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English here. I have 2 sets of tea mugs in my house, small and large. If someone turns up and I don't want them to be there long, I give them the small mugs and hope they leave when they've finished.
It's Down To A Science
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If you're British, you wait for any lull in conversation, put your hands on your knees as you stand up and say, "Well then..."
Panic Isn't Helpful
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Say, "Well, it was great catching up with you." Stand up, head towards the door. Yawn loudly.
Although one time this didn't work and I lost it. We had friends come to pick up an item they'd bought. They wouldn't stop chatting. Oh, the questions about everything. I had an appointment 2hrs drive away and I didn't want to be late. SO and I finally got them out of the house but they just stood there now talking about different stuff. I'd said I had to leave. Now. That I might be late. I felt panic. "It was great seeing you." I walked to the car and started getting in. SO was trapped on the doorstep talking to them. I lost it, screaming, "Hurry up (SO's name), we're going to be f-cking late. Get in the car, now." I look up to three shocked faces. SO says, "I'm coming. We're just saying good bye."
You Don't Have To Go Home But You Can't Stay Here
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Play 'Closing Time' over and over again until they get the hint.
Just LEAVE!
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My sister comes back from university for the weekend and one her friends gave her a lift home, let's call him Adam. Bare in mind she arrived home at around 4pm. I get home from school around 5 and Adam is still there after inviting himself in as he wanted a quick rest from the 2 hour drive from Birmingham to London.
Anyway, skip forward a couple of hours. It's 7pm, he's still there and keeps saying he needs to leave soon as he is having Friday night dinner at his aunties, whilst my mum is cooking for our Friday night dinner. Finally my dad walks in at 7.30 and is greeted by Adam who he has never met before with his hood up and feet sprawled over the sofa. My bald dad asks why he has his hood up to which he responds wittingly with "I didn't want to make you jealous of my hair." Dad's not happy, but laughs it off.
Eventually, Adam asks if he can stay for dinner, my mother being the typical Jewish mother that she is even though she has only cooked for the four of us can't say no. Now, we don't have a traditional Friday night dinner it usually last around 45 mins- 1 hour so think he will leave after. Oh, wrong we were, he's still here at 11pm and not looking likely to leave any time soon.
Eventually, Adam leaves to use the toilet. At which point my dad comes up with an ingenious solution, someone will phone the mobile and he'll pick up and pretend to be his brother claiming some emergency and we all have to go to his house. So, Adam comes out of the toilet, I ring my dad's phone, he has a fake conversation with no one and hangs up. He tells Adam we have to go over to my uncles whilst my dad puts on his coat. Adam accepts this and start to get ready to leave.
10 minutes later, Adam is still there 'getting ready'. This time my dad say we have to leave now and ushered everyone outside, locks the front door and we head to the car. Adam, gets into his car and just sits there. We wait a couple of minutes expecting him to drive off, but he never does, he just sits there looking at his phone. This is getting ridiculous now, my dad turns on the ignition and drives off. We go around the block and drive back up the road, and he is still there. So my dad parks up in the road next to house and wait 10 minutes to go back when he has finally gone.
We had to run away from our own house to get rid of an unwanted guest, because we are too polite to tell him to f-ck off.
Apple A Day Keeps Squatters At Bay
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In most Arab countries when you get visitors for the evening so not dinner, you start with a refreshment--> then tea with sweets --> finally fruit. So when fruits have been eaten, you should f***ing leave. So if you want people to leave, you give less sweets or bring out the fruit quickly.
Top Night
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Drink a lot, pass out, wake up, look around and say "what the f*** are you lot still doing here?". Pass out again. I didn't know I did this but I'm told it worked quite well.
Exit Contract
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As a guest, I try avoid all of this with an "exit contract."
There we are, having finished dinner and chatted for a few minutes. I take a deep breath, shortly followed by, "ah, well, this has been great. Thank you so much for having me, but I should probably get going and let you folks unwind." That's an offer to leave.
Sometimes my offer is accepted right then, in which case I'm happy to go home and resume my life as a curmudgeon. But nine times out of ten, the host/hostess will make a counter-offer: "Oh, won't you stay for some dessert? I made my (insert relevant dessert) just for this occasion." Their spouse will then say something along the lines of, "You really should stay. Susan's (insert relevant dessert) is out of this world."
If I'm not into the dessert, or if I know that Susan is a bad cook, I'll end the negotiations right there. I'll insist that I don't want to become a burden, and then pivot to excuses about my own responsibilities for the next day. Depending on my mood, I might also make a self-deprecating joke about how dessert won't help my (already terrible) figure.
If the dessert is something I fancy, however, I'll make a counter-offer to stay for that course of the meal, conditioned upon the right to leave shortly afterwards: "Well, okay. You've convinced me. But after that I really should be going." The host/hostess accepts, and boom. Contract made.
It's understood that I'm going to demolish Susan's strawberry cheesecake with the extra-thick graham cracker crust, and then bounce. No coffee. No cordials. No half-awake blathering. Just cheesecake and f*** off.
Rinse and Repeat
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I've once tried telling this person I have to study, that they should leave, stop serving drinks, studied and ignored her, cooked and ate a dinner for myself only, hopped into the shower... and she didn't leave.
I had to actually shove her out of the door. In my towel. Even though she was twice my size.
So yeah, I guess shoving them out is the most effective way.
Minnesotan Kindness
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If you're Minnesotan you say "well it's getting pretty late..." and then your guests will say "oh yeah we better get going.." and then you say "Oh but there's no rush, feel free to stay as long as you want" and then you start talking about something stupid for another four hours and then you say "well it's getting pretty late..." and then the cycle repeats itself, the snake eats its own tail.
Edit: but seriously, what my friends and I do is say "I don't want to be rude but everyone needs to get the f*** out of my apartment"
Business Minded
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Have some business cards printed up with the simple phrase, " Please Leave", and have someone quietly hand it to them. It's effective and the reaction is priceless!!!
Mr. Clean Approach
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I always start doing the deep clean of the kitchen, dishes, taking out garbage etc. I feel like this is usually a big enough cue. And if a few guest do linger then I have some company during my chores and the good ones will offer to help. I'll usually decline and then by the time I'm done they can see how tired I am.
Milking It
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Well, my mom told me this one, never seen it in practice though.
Back in the day, they had friends that always overstayed their welcome. This was how they apparently made it clear that they were overstaying their welcome.
Whenever the time came that they should really leave, they would say the following to their guests:
"Before we go to bed, we always take a glass of milk. Would you also like to have a glass of milk?"
For many childhood memories are overrun by living nightmares.
Yes, children are resilient, but that doesn't mean that the things we see as babes don't follow us forever.
The horrors of the world are no stranger to the young.
Redditor -2sweetcaramel- wanted to see who was willing to share about the worst things we've seen as kids, so they asked:
"What’s the creepiest thing you saw as a kid?"
Serious Danger
"Me and my best friend would explore the drainage tunnels under the Vegas area where we grew up. These were miles long and it was always really cool down there so it was a good way to escape the heat of our scorching hot summers. We went into this one that goes under the Fiesta casino and found a camp with a bunch of homeless people."
"Mind you we are like 11 years old lol. And we just kept going like it was nothing. It wasn’t scary then but when I look back at it we could have been in some serious danger. Our parents had no idea we did this or where we were and we had no cellphones. We could have been kidnapped and never have been found."
oofboof2020
Waiting for Food
"I was at a portillos once when I was 12 and I was waiting with my little brother at a booth while my parents got our food. This guy was standing with his tray kind of watching me then after a couple of minutes he started to walk over really fast not breaking eye contact with me."
"He was 2 feet from the table and my dad came out of nowhere and scared the s**t out of him. He looked so surprised and just said he wanted to see if I’d get scared or not. He left his tray full of food near the door and left. My folks reported him but we never went to that location again since we found a better one closer to home."
nowhereboy1964
Captain Hobo to the Rescue
"When I was a pretty young teen, my friends and I were horsing around in San Francisco and started hanging out to smoke with some homeless guys. Another homeless dude came up and began aggressively trying to shake us down for anything (money, smokes, a ride, drugs- all of it) and wouldn’t take no for an answer."
"We got in over our heads and could tell this guy was now riling the other 2 guys up and they were acting like they wanted to jump us. Some grandfather-looking old homeless man appeared out of nowhere and yelled at us to get the f**k out of here- nice kids like us don’t belong down here at this hour!!"
"Captain Hobo saved our lives that night. My parents sincerely thought we were at a mall all day lol."
FartAttack911
Survival
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"I was 7 and survived the 2004 tsunami in Thailand. Witnessed the wave rise way above the already massive palm trees (approx. 40ft?) and my family and I watched/heard the wave crash into the ground from a rooftop."
faithfulpoo
These Tsunami stories are just tragic.
On the Sand
Scared The Launch GIF by CTV
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"We were a group of kids who went to swim in a local lake. And there was a dead body on the beach with their hands raised and their legs bent unnaturally that local police just took out of the same lake. I've never put my foot in these waters again."
oyloff
Be Clever
"I was walking to school and I was about 5 or 6 years old and some guy pulled up beside me in his car and asked if I would get in. He also offered me sweets to do so. I said no. The creepy bit was when he calmly said ‘clever boy’ to me, then drove off. I’ve never even told my parents or anyone else about this as it would most likely freak them out."
OstneyPiz
Bad Jokes
"Dad's side of the family pranked me by burying a fake body on our back property and had me dig it up to find valuables. Was only allowed to use a lantern for light. They stuffed old clothes with chicken bones. Sheetrock mud where the head was... Random fake jewelry as the treasures... I was like maybe 10 or 11.. I remember digging up the boot first and started gagging because it became real at that point."
Alegan239
YOU
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"Woke up to find my little brother staring at me in the dark, asking, Are you really you?"
PrettyLola2004
Siblings can really be a bunch of creepers.
No one should talk to others in the dark though.
Not all pet owners have the same relationship with their pets.
While anyone who decides to become a pet owner, or pet parent as some say, love their pets equally, some never ever let them leave their side.
Taking their pet with them to work, running errands, even on vacations.
Many pet parents even allow their pets to share their bed with them when going to sleep.
For others though, this is where a line is finally drawn.
Redditor Piggythelavasurfer was curious to hear whether pet owners allowed their pets to share their bed with them, as well as the reasons why they do/don't, leading them to ask:
"Do you let your pet sleep in your bed? Why/why not?"
The Tiny Issue Of Water...
"Absolutely not."
"I have fish."- Senior-Meal3649
Everyone Gets Lonely Eventually...
"I adopted an eleven year old cat the day before Halloween."
"She has mostly lived in my closet since I got her, and she hasn’t been too interested in coming out."
"Last night, she came out of my closet and jumped up on my bed, and crawled under my covers and curled up by my feet to sleep."
"I was so happy!"- YellowBeastJeep
The Comforting Reminder That You're Not Alone...
"I recently lost my Greyhound but I used to let him sleep on my bed with me."
"The company was nice and he was no trouble to have on my bed."- HoodedMenace3
Hungry Cookie GIF by De Graafschap Dierenartsen
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What Do You Mean Allow?
"I have no choice."
"She is a cat, cats do whatever they want."- Small_cat1412
"He lets me sleep in my bed."- Poorly-Drawn-Beagle
Wouldn't Have It Any Other Way
"I carry my old boy upstairs to bed every night."- worst_in_show
Hug GIF by The BarkPost
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Who Needs An Alarm Clock?
"I let my two cats sleep with me."
"They're so full of love and just want cuddles all the time."
"And so do I."
"We've all developed a lil routine."
"Get to bed, oldest sleeps on my feet to keep them warm, youngest lies in my arm while I lie on my side (she the little spoon), then when I snooze my alarm for work in the morning the youngest paws at my face and meeps loudly to wake me up."- GhostofaFlea_
Whose Bed Is It Anyway?
"Yes."
"They're also kind enough to let me squeeze into whatever space they've left for me."
"Although I do get a few dirty looks off them."- Therealkaylor
"I found this tiny kitten screaming her head off under a car."
"Would not come out."
"Got some food and some water in dishes."
"I stood by the tire so she couldn't see my feet."
"She got curious about the food and water and started gobbling it down."
"I thought she would bolt when I squatted down."
"She was too busy eating."
"I grabbed her by the nape of the neck and all four legs went straight out and she tried to scratch me to death."
"I got her in the door and tossed her toward the couch."
"She ricocheted off the couch as if she was a ping pong off a table and I lost sight of her."
"I put out food and water and a sandbox and did not see that kitten for three days."
"On the third day, I came home and she was on my bed pillow."
"I thought she would bolt when I came near, but she didn't."
"I wanted to sleep so I tried to scoot her little butt off my pillow."
"She would not go."
"I put my head down to sleep and that is the way it was from then on."
"She ran the roost."- Logical_Cherry_7588
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Sleeping Is A Prerequisite...
"No, he's a cat and he cannot keep still during the night."
"He walks across the headboard, opens the closet doors, jumps into the windows and rustles the blinds, etc."
"If he would sleep he could stay, but alas, he's a ramblin' man."- Spong_Durnflungle
Saying No Just Isn't An Option...
"'Let'."
"Lol."
"It's a cat's world and I'm happy to be on her good side."- milaren
Felines Only!
"The cat does, the dog doesn't and the horse certainly does not either."- Xcrowzz
Angry Tom And Jerry GIF by Boomerang Official
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Is That My Hair On That Pillow?
"My dog is perfect."
"She comes up, cuddles til we start to fall asleep, then gets down to sleep on her bed so she doesn't get too hot."
"Jumps back up in the early morning for wake up cuddles."
"The hair everywhere is the only downside but she is so cozy, what can you do."- HoodieWinchester
It is easy to understand how some people are able to fall asleep more easily knowing their friend and protector is there, in bed, with them.
Though we can't blame others who don't want to run the risk of being scratched or bitten in the middle of the night either...