Most businesses are, well... In the business of making their customers happy. People are much more likely to come back if they have a good experience, after all.
Not all businesses seem to understand this key concept, though, and many put customer satisfaction at a much lower priority level.
Wherher by having horrible customer service, policies designed to cheat people out of money, or terribly unsanitary premises, there are plenty of businesses that seem to do everything they can to drive customers away.
Reddit user u/radbrad7 asked:
*Content warning: mention of human trafficking, death of an animal*
Called to cancel my account after I got legally separated from my ex-wife. She was able to cancel the cancellation (her name was on the account as well -- EDIT: I was the primary account holder. She was added for billing only when I was on deployments.) and use that account for like 8 years. I moved to England for a while, then to New Mexico, and eventually back to Oklahoma (where she still lived).
When I tried to activate new service, they told me I had a previous account with an unpaid balance of like $700. Granted, it was the ex-wife that really f***ed me over on that one, but the fact that they allowed her to "un-cancel" a service I asked to have canceled blew my mind.
A hospital in my area. My brother and his wife just recently had a baby there. My first nephew and their first child. He was born two weeks premature by scheduled c-section, but you couldn't tell since he was more than 9 pounds when he came out. If he went full term he could have been more than 11 pounds.
Anyways, he arrives and everything is going well, his blood sugar was a little low, but the doctors claimed it got better. A day later and he begins twitching every once in a while. My sister in law asks the pediatrician and the nurse why and they said that it was fine. The day after that and the twitching increased and he began doing it every other minute. My brother and his wife panic and ask the doctor but the doctor checks his blood quickly and says nothing is wrong but if they're still worried about it they should wait to go to the pediatrician on Monday (3 days later).
As soon as they leave the hospital despite the baby still twitching they turn around and ask for the doctor to please look one more time. He refuses and tells them that they can't look anymore because they are discharged from the hospital.
Refusing to believe that their baby was okay, my brother and his wife took him to a different hospital's emergency room. The doctor there took one look at the baby's blood and immediately prepared a bottle of formula for him. His blood sugar was 36. If you aren't familiar with blood sugar then just know that sugar that low can be deadly. My sister in law's milk hasn't come in yet, she didn't know that, and the pediatrician at the first hospital only gave the baby 2 ounces of formula in 2 days. He baby was very close to going into shock. If they took the doctors advice and waited until Monday that baby would have been dead before reaching home.
There is a "burger" joint here, relatively new (less than 5 years) that some people swear by. It's a weird kind of burger though, a kind of spicy gravy style burger. But not like your gran's gravy, it's rather...tangy? Vinegary? Whatever. It was odd.
So I tried it on my lunch break (recommended by a coworker), and thought...meh, I don't get the hype, but it's not terrible.
Then I went back to work, and shortly thereafter all hell broke loose.
I had the most volatile, violent, unsolicited and certainly nonconsensual colon cleanse of my life. I was so obviously tore up that not even my manager made a stink about me essentially doing zero work for the next 4 hours of the work day.
To this day when I pass by that place I say "Never again." My wife thinks I'm making a stupid Dad joke I won't give up on (she's aware of what it did to me), but for me it's more of a solemn prayer.
Neiman Marcus. I went there to buy a Prada bag for my mother. She had a knock off she loved, so I figured she'd appreciate the real thing.
I wear t-shirts to work, but this day it was at least a fancy one. It didn't matter. The sales lady told me "It's very expensive," rolled her eyes and walked away.
So, I went next door to the actual Prada store and bought one.
I don't need to be judged by an angry middle aged woman working retail, thank you very much.
Turbo Tax. Did my return, got a notice that my e-file needed to be corrected, logged back in to fix it and my return wasn't there anymore. 6 hours on the phone with 3 tiers of tech support, each one trying exactly the same thing. Finally they were just trying random things, so I tried random things in parallel, managed to get to my return with the invoice number from paying for the service WITHOUT logging in. Tried to get them to understand that this was a Very Bad Thing that they should report to someone... and they told me they had no access to anyone technical and no way to submit bugs.
This from the company that lobbied to make it illegal for the government to offer tax filing service.
Lularoe. I only bought stuff to help out a friend that was trying to make ends meet. Luckily she quit after about a year. Bought 3 pairs of leggings over the course of the year and none of them made it the year without holes. $25 each. Never again.
Also, I felt gross buying from an MLM, but like I said, just supporting a friend.
Frontier internet. They're one of the crappiest ISP's I've ever had, I will never go back, no matter how cheap it is.
I stopped paying them like 3 years ago, and they continue to give me service.
They are so disorganized that they have no idea.
I bought an engine from AutoZone for a vehicle I owned. They had a vendor build the engine, and it was supposed to ship to my house. I waited three weeks for it to arrive, but it never did. I contacted their store, was told that it hadn't shipped yet and was coming via FedEx freight. I kept up with the tracking # but couldn't get anywhere with it. I kept calling back every couple of days to see what was going on, and no one could figure it out. I finally managed to find out that it had shipped via another company (RL freight), and had been delivered to somewhere else. It was like pulling teeth to get a refund on an engine I never received. It took another two weeks to get the refund.
I won't buy a soda from AutoZone now.
Lyft. They recently charged me a damage fee for damages I could not have plausibly caused. I sent statements explaining how it couldn't have been me. They sent back a standardized statement and didn't give me any additional information. There is no phone line to talk to a representative. I sent them multiple follow up emails, which they never responded to.
Now I have to write a statement for my credit card company to dispute the charge.
Comcast. A door-to-door salesman straight up lied to my dad, saying they had a four-DVR setup that would cost less than what we were paying AT&T. When the installation guy got there, he said that no, they didn't have a four-DVR setup, he was told to give us the standard two-DVR setup. Which was absolutely not something that would work in a house with six people with wildly different tastes in TV shows.
So my dad tells him never mind, we're sticking with AT&T then, but because the Comcast guy had already installed our new cable box, he couldn't take it back with him, so we had to mail it back to Comcast ourselves.
The kicker is, five years later Comcast tried to bill my parents for the cable box, saying we never sent it back. My parents insisted they did, and Comcast wanted the UPS receipt, which obviously we no longer had because it was five years ago and we hadn't heard anything from them before this. So my parents refused to pay, Comcast sent a collections company after us, and when my parents explained the situation to the collection company, they were like "those f***ers, we'll take care of this." That was, thankfully, the end of it.
I run the front desk at a hotel and Expedia are an absolute nightmare. They also straight up lie to the guests and to the hotels constantly. Truly one of the most shady companies I've ever dealt with.
They purposely try and deceive people who don't know any better into thinking that they are dealing with the hotel directly. They create adds in such a way that when people google the hotel's phone number, a number to Expedia comes up, and if the customer asks if the are speaking directly with the hotel front desk they will say yes.
There have been countless times where guests have called to cancel their reservation that was booked through Expedia. I inform them that they will have to contact Expedia directly, since they pre-paid through them, but that it will be no issue because the hotel does not charge a penalty fee for cancellation. An expedia representative will call the hotel with the guest on hold and ask about getting it cancelled. I tell them it's no problem. They ask if we will be charging a penalty fee, and I tell them no. All is right and good, right? NOPE.
I then get a call back from the guest who is upset, saying that the Expedia representative told them they could not be refunded because of the fee charged by the hotels cancellation policy. Taking the guests money and blaming it on the hotel, and keeping all of the profit. This has happened countless times.
I once had a guest while at the front desk call about cancelling 3 days out of a multiple day reservation, as she had to leave earlier than expected. They pulled the same bullsh*t with her, not knowing that she was at the front desk.
After me telling the representative that the cancellation is fine and we will not be charging any penalties, they get back on the phone with her and blatantly lie.
I asked her to hand her phone to me and that was quite a surprise for the representative. Who said that "there must have been a misunderstanding".
We bought a flea medicine to use on our cat and she became lethargic and didn't eat anything. We took her to the vet and they told us that they have been trying to get that medicine off the shelves because of how it affects animals. I was in a theater watching Despicable Me when my cat finally passed away. It sucked knowing that my cat is dead because of some money-hungry brand who doesn't care about the safety of the animals it gives its products to.
Pyrethrins are toxic to cats. I nearly killed my cat with Hartz ear mite solution fifteen years ago, and it's still on the market. Why Hartz hasn't been sued out of existence I will never understand.
If I see something is being shipped by OnTrac, I'll cancel. The three times they were the delivery company from Amazon, they lost one package completely and tried to say it wasn't their fault. The second package was also deemed lost but then showed up on my door step something like six weeks later. The third time it sat on "shipping label created" for a week and I just contacted Amazon and canceled the package. You don't find a lot of positive reviews out there and any positive ones you do find seem like they were written by the company via a fake account.
Every package I've ever had stolen was shipped via OnTrac. They claimed it was delivered and I never find it. One time I looked with MINUTES of it's supposed delivery. Yeah, sure maybe the residents of my apartment complex are shady but UPS, FEDEX, and USPS never seem to have this issue
OnTrac regularly marks my packages as delivered without coming anywhere near my house. I always have to call and complain, and they have to come back the next day. I've had them pretend to find the package in my front yard, after I watched them leave the car with it.
Those idiots told me my car has no filter! I'm pretty sure they just didn't want to take it out. They also said my car takes a "special European oil" and charged a lot extra for it. It's not a special oil at all. It's an uncommon oil but a gallon of it costs the same as typical oil. I'm going to stick with the dealership to get oil changed because it's cheaper and they know what they're doing.
EDIT : I forgot to add the ending to this story! Not long after I got my oil changed, Jiffy Lube sent me a text message with a link asking to leave a review of their service on Google. So I obliged and left the most brutally honest one star review you'd ever read! The next day, the manager called me and left a voicemail. She was VERY adamant that Jiffy Lube had to charge a high price for my oil because it "only can run on special European oil". In regards to the air filter, she offered an investigation to look at video footage to see if the technicians looked for the air filter. I know they didn't, because I would've seen them take it out! It's inside the engine cover, which they never took off.
I seriously don't know how Jiffy Lube is still in business. I hear nothing but bad things about them. In my own experience, you never get the advertised special; there's always something about your car that makes it need more oil or more expensive oil or whatever. I guess we're both just lucky that they remembered to put the drain plug back in.
FTD. For Mother's Day one year, I ordered flowers through them for both of my grandmothers and my mom. I ordered cards, a teddy bear, all of it, right? So my mom sends me a thank you and a picture of what she got. I notice there's no cards, no bear, and it's not the bouquet I ordered for her. I called the company, they gave me a refund, whatever. My mom got flowers and I got a refund--it worked out.
I call grandma #1 to wish her a happy mother's day--she got her flowers, but no card or bear. I contact FTD AGAIN. Refund, again. I call grandma #2. I thought "there's no way in hell they'll screw this up again."Yeah, they screwed it up again. At least grandma 2 got her teddy bear, but no card. She didn't even know the flowers were from me. I was so angry with FTD by that point that I didn't even both calling them again. They've lost my business for life.
Companies like FTD or 1800 flowers are just intermediaries. They will feed your order to the cheapest shop near you. Cut out the middle man and go find a decent local florist instead. Costs less and you'll get better flowers.
Wayfair. Purchased a $1000 sectional couch that was delivered with damaged upholstery. They refused to let me return it and instead offered me 10% off my next purchase. Yeah..... Never using that discount code.
Refused to let you return it? F**k that, dispute the charge
This is my job, disputing these charges. Had a customer call me a few weeks back, had gotten damaged merchandise from Wayfair, company offered her a store credit. Said if she wanted a refund shed have to disassemble it and ship it back. She was disabled, and that's why she paid them to deliver and set up in the first place! I called Wayfair with her, and got them to agree to come out and take the damn thing back. So many businesses will jerk the customer around until the bank calls and suddenly then its "oh of course we can fix that right away!".
Left the claim open just in case they didnt follow through, but yeah. Point being, if you dont get it, if it arrives damaged, if it's not what you ordered, if its branded stuff that turns out counterfeit, etc - these are all things we can fight. The biggest thing we ask is that you've at least tried to fix it with the business first. If you've done that, and gotten nowhere, we can fight it.
JDMRacingMotors... Gave me a damaged motor and claimed a compression test was the only way to test the engine and said it passed. Barely held on in one cylinder. To make matters worse, if you put coolant in where it ought to go, it would come out of the oil pan. Made a few calls and had email exchanges with their "mechanics" and was informed coolant and oil touch regularly and that is how it cools the oil. Wrong on so many levels. Never got my money back either so I ended up using the good parts from the exterior to rebuild my old engine.
Macy's. Got a credit card through them to buy a suit. My parents offered to pay the card off as a birthday present. Cue months of them calling me 5+ times a day, asking where the payment, that had already been made, was. Harassing me to make more and larger payments. When it was finally payed off, they then tacked on a "completed payment fee" and never sent a bill, so the whole damn thing started all over. I was genuinely about to file a lawsuit over harassment or something.
It was unbelievable, because I would tell one person the payment was made, and then get 4 more calls the same day asking the same thing. Then rinse and repeat tomorrow.
Spirit airlines. Never again. F**k them. Flight from Vegas got canceled. They don't even bother trying to put you on another flight, not only that you have to pay extra for the next flight available. I told them they can go f--- themselves and I want a refund, the customer service person told me he can refund me spirit credit, that's when I lost it. After enough bitching, he gave me my money back to my credit card and I bought a flight on delta.
After my experience I made it a point to go on several review sites and made a PSA to never fly spirit again. This was one of many incidents I have had to deal with them, this one just broke me because I was flying back from Vegas, I can only handle Vegas for 2 nights, after that I want the f**k outta there, having to stay there another night was not something I wanted to do. Also it was not weather related as they told me, No other flights into detroit that day were cancelled, I checked, I even told that to the customer service agent, he shrugged it off.
When I canceled my AT&T internet (Hooray for local fiber-to-the-premises!) I prepared myself due to all the horror stories I read on reddit. When I sent my equipment back, I video'd myself packing it up, took pictures of everything, even documented the post office transaction. When I canceled my service, I did it through online chat, so I could have transcripts. (The online service people were wonderful, and I have no beef with them at all. In fact, I always gave them the highest ratings in the surveys afterward.)
Well, of course they said they never got the equipment back.
It took me SIX months of constant back-and-forth, going to collections, and just every manner of bad service imaginable. One day, I spent what felt like hours on the phone and finally got transferred to a woman in Nashville named Deborah, to whom I poured out my story. Well, Deborah wasn't going to let bad sh!T go down on her watch, so she went through every computer system she could access until she figured out what went wrong, and then she fixed it for me.
tl;dr I hate AT&T, but I love Deborah.
What business will you never patronize again because they are just that bad?
Remember way back when the internet wasn't a flaming dumpster fire?
Yeah, us either.
The internet has always been a mess, but it's also always been beautiful.
It connects people, ideas, senses or humor, creativity! Yes, we've got our fair share of deviants, murderers, and trashbag people, but we've also got decades of wonder to celebrate.
Newbies like to think using the internet for awesomeness is something they came up with, but the old heads are here to tell you the internet has ALWAYS been a complicated crash course in the coolest stuff ever.
So let's hop in the wayback machine and get our nostalgia on.
Reddit user ransom0374 asked:
"What do you miss from early internet times?"
So let's take that walk down memory lane, or if you're new-ish here on planet Earth, this is going to be a fun little "history" lesson.
If you're uncertain where you fall, here's a test:
"Badger, Badger, Badger, Badger..."
If you finished the song, you're probably going to remember quite a few of these...
"AIM away messages saying stupid stuff like 'BRB going to get some bagel bites.' "
"Don't forget to update your personal profile with Blink 182 lyrics and the initials of your school sweetheart and some ASCII. Browse for a new inappropriate buddy icon and strike up a convo with SmarterChild"Giphy
"I miss the wild unknown frontier that the internet was."
"It seemed there was so much discovery to be had on the internet, and if you were good at the internet everyone thought of you as 'Hackerman' and you were like a God amongst your peers."
"It seems like there isn't anything 'new' on the internet anymore. No discoveries to be made."Giphy
The Irony Is Not Lost On Us
"Variety. There's a popular tweet that says something like 'the internet has turned into four websites where on each one people share screenshots of the other three.' "
"I miss when you could search a term and there would be dozens of sites dedicated to it or forums especially for it. Now it's just ads, Wikipedia, and Reddit."
"Oh, and not having ads shoved down your throat every time you search a term or navigate to a page!"
"I know there were pop ups and banners, which weren't any better. But there was a sweet spot."
"There was a few years there where you could Google something and half the first page WASN'T sponsored ads that had nothing to do with what you looked up. And you could go to a website and it DIDN'T block the page with a full screen ad asking for your email to join their mailing list or save 10% on their merchandise."Giphy
Figuring It Out
"That all the webpages were just random people trying to figure out HTML."
"There really wasn't a corporate presence at all. It was just a place for people to experiment."
"You could click on a button and make a cardboard hand wave at someone's cats. You could dispense a coke from a machine in some dorm. It was dumb and fun."Giphy
"The learning was endless."
"There were almost an infinite source of information from all over the world. If you wanted to find something all you had to do was search for it in Ask Jeeves or whatever and you'd find any website that had ever mentioned that thing."
"There were more than 10 different websites. And at least it didn't feel like I was being forced to sign up for a subscription after every click."
"There were so many fun, cute stores to shop. Now it feels like everyone dresses and decorates the same."
"I miss a lot of things about the early internet. I'm probably wrong, but it just felt safer than it does now?"Giphy
"I was in my late teens when the internet was becoming accessible to everyone. Our one household computer was in the kitchen & facing in a way so anyone coming in could see your screen."
"I remember looking at someone's website and my Dad passing by to get something to eat, asking me if the person on the website was my friend."
"I miss those old days! The internet seemed endless & friendly."Giphy
A Base Level For Participation
"Most people were smart."
"In the early days (by far) most people on the internet were in college, either as a teacher or student. Beyond that, people had to to be in a lab or make their computer talk to a connected computer which was not so easy in the old days."
"It acted as a sort of intelligence barrier one needed clear to participate in internet things."
"Higher barrier to entry."
"I remember the fond days of SLIP and Trumpet Winsock when you had to know at least a little about tech to get on and participate."
"There was still stupidity, but it just wasn't as loud as it is now."
"In the very very early days, pre-AOL, you needed skill and knowledge to get online."
"Then AOL came onto the scene an d anyone could get online at the push of a button."Giphy
Go Away Now
"I miss when what happened on the internet, stayed on the internet."
"You could turn off the beige box and go about the rest of your day without it affecting you."
"The fact that is only existed on a big computer in the house, as long as no-one was on the phone. It wasn't some all-encompassing thing."
"The internet not following me around. When you logged off, you effectively put the internet away."Giphy
It Used To Be...
"How people used to treat it."
"The internet was not just a novelty, but an amazing piece of technology that let anyone share anything. It was so wholesome and loving, with everyone still being amazed at what we could do now."
"Now? There's so many websites that are designed to make you angry and radicalize your beliefs. It's quantity over quality."
"There was a time when nobody on Reddit shared politics, when Facebook was for socializing, when YouTube was where people uploaded stuff they were passionate about."Giphy
We Used To Love Yahoo
"I can't remember what it was called, but Yahoo had this great music video program where it showed popular artists, and some very unknown folks."
"I discovered some of my favorite artists having it play in the background all the time."
"Launchcast/Yahoo Radio. It was revolutionary for music streaming and the 1-5 star system worked really well. I preferred it over Pandora's up/down system."Giphy
On a personal level, I want to go on record and say MusicMatch was the greatest music program in the history of life.
It just was.
I will die on this hill.
It was dopeness in all forms. MusicMatch Jukebox? Dope. Yahoo MusicMatch? Dope.
So what relics from Ye Olde Internet are you passionate about? Sound off in the comments!
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Never miss another big, odd, funny or heartbreaking moment again.
No one wants war.
Who is going to light the powder keg and set it all off?
Which country will start WW3? Why?
Does anyone really want to start another world war?
They may not have a choice in the matter.
Getting It Out Of The Way Early
"Austrian here, we will do it again probably, I would like to say sorry in advance! Most plausible reason at the moment is because Germans eat schnitzel with sauce on top, then this conflict will spiral out again into WW3."
"Third time's the charm!"
-Some Austrian, probably
Civil War 2: Electric Boogaloo
"It'll be a civil war that devolves into a world war, with no one country clearly responsible for this change."
"But we'll blame it all on germany again, right"
Why I Oughtta...
"At this point, there are enough nukes in the world to ensure that a World War would simply result in nuclear annihilation on all sides. Say what you want about authoritarians like Xi Jinping, Kim Jung Un, and Ali Khameni, they are many things; but they're not suicidal. They know that an all out war would just end everyone, including them, so they're not going to. This is why the US and the USSR never went to all out war, despite coming close a few times; the risks were just too great for both sides."
"What could easily happen, however, is another cold war, this time between the US and China. And like in the Cold War, there could be proxy wars fought as a result of it, but it's unlikely that any country will take the insane risks of starting World War 3."
A full-blown world war is a tricky thing to get off the ground, that is if anyone wants it. The leading cause to impending war could come out of nowhere, or somewhere completely unexpected, or perhaps it will never come.
2-Day War Delivery
"Bruh its gunna be Amazon, not a country"
"Jeff Bezos finna be dropping Amazon basics nukes on us"
Can It Even Happen?
"I don't think the world can handle another world war. simply for the sake that we're all so interconnected. every major nation trades with each other and are in bed with each other. I would be a detriment to whatever country starts a war."
"Think about how the global supply chain has been impacted by the pandemic, the world would probably cease to function all together in a major conflict."
"There was a quote I liked, I think it was from Dan Carlin. He said that leading up to WWI Europe had become too economically entwined to go to war with itself, but none of the economists were invited to the war councils. The generals making the decisions didn't understand the situation so they made dumb decisions. The situation is undoubtably more-so interconnected today, the question is, do we have economists making the call on starting wars?"
A Little Humor Before We Get To The Serious Stuff...
"Probably America, I mean they made Wonder Woman 1 & 2, so highly likely they'd make WW3. At least start it. Not sure why someone else would finish it."
"No, they don't know how to count.. They jumped from WW1 to WW84."
Is it in the realm of possibility? Possibly.
After all, people will be people.
Anyone Else Surprised? No?
"America have a surplus of military might, a recent history of starting wars for profit, EVERYTHING is politicised and extreme nationalism and xenophobia are normalised within the populace. I'm going with them."
These All Feel Tangible
"My guesses would be 1) USA vs China over Taiwan or 2) China vs India (a lot on tension there that doesn't get a lot of news attention)"
"India-Pakistan and China-India are hot beds."
"India and Pakistan have been at war numerous times since their inception. 5 'official' wars and 9 minor skirmishes, to be exact. The last conflict ended with a ceasefire in 2003, but the last incident was a series of skirmishes along the Line of Control in Kashmir, from November 2020 to February 2021."
"Neither is capable of a full-fledged invasion of the other, so it's limited to border disputes. And while Pakistan does have nukes, it would be suicide to use them. There's no incentive for any other countries to get involved."
Going For It
"China making a move on Taiwan or some other land grab in India or other bordering countries."
An Infectious Idea
"India and Pakistan. It will spread to China, then North Korea (or North Korea first) and pull in many others in Asia. This will pull in NATO, either directly or via global partners (Australia)."
This One Makes WAY Too Much Sense
"Twitter. Someone will probably make a typo that everyone takes the wrong way..."
Well, what do you think could happen? Let us know in the comments.
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Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
So let's talk about how a dog owner on Facebook learned her dog's "adorable" behavior was, in fact, furious masturbation.
Readers, if you know anything about me you know I love a good plot twist and I love chonky puppers.
Yesterday, life combined my two great loves in a hilarious and inappropriate way.
I was mindlessly scrolling through my dog groups on Facebook when a video with a few hundred laugh reacts but almost no comments caught my eye.
The still from the video was a pudgy little Frenchie, so obviously I had to read and watch.
The dogs owner shared the video along with a post asking professionals to shed some light on why he does what he does.
Owner-obliviousness as they gushed about how adorable it was made the awkward even better.
The owner explained the Frenchie often makes aggressive eye contact and licks his lips while he "plays air guitar"—which is what the family calls it—and how cute & funny they all find the behavior.
The video was the dog, casually chilling, using his paw to rub the tip of his penis while staring awkwardly at the camera and licking his lips like a pup possessed.
Three hundred and fifteen laugh-reacts—at the time that I saw it—and only three comments:
1. a vet explaining that the behavior showed in the video was the dog masturbating while making direct eye contact
2. the owner giving a simple "thank you" and
3. the admins of the group closing the comments.
So, why am I sharing this with you?
Because Reddit user Drakmamman asked:
"Dog owners of reddit, what the dog doin?"
... and so now you get this whole article just so I had an excuse to tell y'all about a furiously fapping Frenchie, 'cause somebody else needed to know about him.
I cackled for a good 20 minutes imagining the family getting all giddy about their dog "playing air guitar"—making the little air guitar meedly squeedly noises while he played, maybe even playing along thinking they're enjoying a fun little game—but they're really just been giving a hair metal soundtrack to their dogs stroke sesh.
Something tells me now the owner knows what "air guitar" really is, they're not likely to rush and tell Reddit all about how they've been gathering as a family to watch cause it's just so cute.
That's what I'm here for.
Anyway, here's the stuff other people's dogs are up to. It's not fapping—or if it is, the owners aren't telling Reddit.
"Wife just came home with the baby. Dog is acting like she's been abandoned for years running up and down, barking and jumping on everything."
"They'd only been out an hour and I was with her the whole time." - Single_Goose7015
"My dog does this too when my wife comes home. Like what am I, chopped liver?" - jackof47trades
"I feel your pain. My dog started howling mournfully when my partner went back to work last week… I was right there!" - TreatOutside
"Staring at the door waiting for the only human he cares about to come home (obviously not me)" - SnarkyRedhead
"Probably trying to herd the cats."
"He's a border collie mix who's afraid of goats and sheep, but even after six years of living with them he still thinks he can control where the cats go."
"He's a good boy, he's very persistent, but not terribly bright sometimes." - TokesNotHigh
"After 8 years our border collie still herds the cats, and the vacuum." - psychologicaluse28
"Big heart, small brain. I have one of those dogs too. They are the sweetest." - Technobucket
"She has flung herself flat across the bed and is playing dead, quiet except for the occasional pitiful whine. Every now and then she lifts her head up and fixes a desperate look upon me, silently begging for release from her wretched existence."
"She's a bit overdramatic about having to wear a cone. The issue is an abrasion on a toe that she won't stop licking, which is making it worse."
"I've been alternating between bandaging it and having her wear a cone. She's been consistently a drama queen." - halfinboxes
"Staring at me because their dinner time is in one hour and they need to start letting me know that, in an hour, they need to eat...in an hour, so I better not forget...cuz they're hungry, which is why they're staring at me...and it's almost dinner time."
"Just one more hour, And they want to make sure I don't forget. Because maybe I will."
"So, they need to remind me. By staring at me. Every day. One hour before dinner." - MotherOfFred
A Little "Light" ExerciseGiphy
"Mine loves light reflected off watches or phones. And loves lasers."
"It's sunny and he sees light on the wall so he is bothering me to use my watch or phone so he can chase the light. I've spent the last hour doing it."
"I even got him a cat laser toy that's automatic for him and he runs himself tired as all hell with it. But he is STILL asking for it."
"Used the laser toy also too, so he is panting dripping tongue and still wants to play more..." - boomgoon
"Last night my dogs chased down and killed a rabbit in the backyard. They are usually so gentle; this was weird and unexpected."
"I watched the whole thing helpless because it was so fast. The rabbit screamed, it was insane."
"Now, I'm watching them sleep on my couch and can't help but think they just murdered someone."
"They are just vicious predators, right here, in my house. On my couch."
"But they snuggly as f*ck. This trips me out." - Atheist_Redditor
A Problematic PrincessGiphy
"We have two chihuahuas. One is a 15 year old (quite appropriately) named Princess and one is a one year old named Charlie."
"Both have their own dog beds on the couch since they are spoiled."
"When Princess is feeling particularly moody or like asserting her dominance, she will drag Charlie's bed into her bed and lay on top of BOTH of them and snarl at him if he comes close to her personal space bubble/bed mountain."
"And when we tell her she can't have both beds and put his bed back to the side, she just glares at us. Lol." - mslm90
"She's currently in her cage resting after her great adventure."
"She managed to get upstairs and grab a hold of one of my shoes. Not just any old shoe, but one of the shoes I am planning to wear this weekend for my wedding."
"After running around, she dropped the shoe to chew on a shirt - at which point she was cornered, and then brought downstairs."
"Pup and shoe are both unharmed and doing well. My nerves, not so much." - still_interesting23
So ... what's YOUR dog been up to lately?
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Have you ever fantasized about what it would be like to win the lottery? Having money for the rest of your life, as far as the eye can see, to cover your expenses.
And have you thought about all the things you would buy if you could really afford them? Are they ALL practical things, or are some of them silly?
We always love to fantasize about what life would be like if money were no object. And you are not alone!
Redditor OnlyVillager asked:
"If you won the lottery, what's something 'useless' that you would buy?"
Here were some of those answers.
I Be The Witch Of The Wood
"My teenage daughter disclosed to me the other day that her biggest life goal is to buy a house on an acreage that has a large wooded area."
"She plans to build me a house in the woods, fund whatever ridiculous bullsh*t art installations I want to erect in the woods, then spread rumors in neighboring towns that a witch lives back there."
"She's the best."-OpossumJesusHasRisen
My Kingdom For A Castle
"I'm blowing it all on a castle. No, not one of those fairy tale mansions from the 19th century robber barons called 'castles'.
"A fully loaded, honest-to-god, obsolete, medieval fortress. Two curtain walls, a keep, towers, barbican, portcullis, murderholes, loopholes, machicolations, the works. It'll be a well warmed summer retreat/place to hide out if another plague hits the world."
"I'm buying Au Train island in the Upper Peninsula to be specific. When the feds finally come after billionaires to pay their fair share, I'm running to my island and sealing the gates behind me."
"So I can get my affairs in order and pay my taxes. What were you thinking I was gonna do? Hide from the IRS? They can breach any castle lmao."-DaemonTheRoguePrince
I Wanna Be A Billionaire
- "I want a cold water dispenser on my desk. It has to be connected to the water line, filtered and cooled. Ideally it also has that thing that automatically knows when the container is almost full."
- "My new lifestyle would be to live 4 weeks in a different city, then 1 week at home. In each city, I would stay in a Luxury Airbnb or a five star hotel."
- "I would hire a professional soccer coach. I'm talking someone that trains pro players. I'm Arab and I'm tired of not being good at soccer, just a few months of lessons and I'll be able to participate in pick up games and have fun."
- "I would also hire singing, guitar and piano instructors. Singing would be the toughest because my voice sucks, but I figure with time I can be good enough to sing a song if I want to reference it. That's how bad I am today."-Reformedjerk
Imagine just not having to think when you click the "purchase" button.
A Nice Siesta
"Maybe not exactly "useless" in the way people are thinking (the way the question is asked makes me think by "useless" they mean "stupid/wasteful" but I'm thinking in terms of things that are fun and only for the purpose of having fun), but do vacations count?"
"If I had that much money all to myself, I would 100% rather have a regular sized house/car and spend the money on experiences instead."
"The idea of having a normal life but knowing that I can just decide to take the day off and go to DisneyLand or treat myself to a fancy dinner whenever the hell I want to is a fantasy I've had since I was literally a little kid."
"I get that those aren't useful things because they're not things I could USE like a car/house/purse/etc, but I'd definitely be happy:)"-StreetIndependence62
"Well this stuff is only useless if there isn't some sort of apocalyptic event that happens in my lifetime."
"That said, I'd go full prepper and bury myself a bunker in the desert with tons of food and water stored away and decked out with solar panels, a garage full of electric cars, and a stash of every sort of modern electronic equipment available in vast quantities."
"So this would be a huge waste of money if there's never an apocalypse. But it would be very valuable to me if there happens to be one."-TimHawks1983
"I have always wanted a talking toilet. I don't even know why at this point. I just saw it on a tv show, don't even remember what, and since that day I have thought 'yes, I want this.'"
"But right now, with my paupers wage, I cannot afford such a thing. I have a lot of serious plans for lottery level money. I would open a shelter for homeless people and start my own dog shelter. As well as my own theme park."
"But I would still get a talking toilet."-MagnificentColossus
Put Your Bird On My Shoulder
"I would get into falconry, vintage guitars from the 50s and 60s, a live in Cook, most of the surfaces that I touch would be marble, and I would save a significant portion of my money to split between investments and gambling on riskier stocks."
"Depending on how much money a private jet would be in the cards as well as a flight license. This is one of my favorite things to daydream about"-freemason777
The best part of all of this is, it doesn't matter that these things are useless.
They bring us joy, and that is what matters.
"Boring" "Flame Thrower"???
"Definitely a boring company flame thrower. And a Barrett M82."
"Probably a supercar too, but not to drive it. I want to light it on fire in a public space as an appeal to consumerism right before I go take a private jet to Nappa Valley to eat at the French Laundry and get hammered on the most expensive bottles of wine I can find."-xdylanxfrommyspace
"There are many things I bought that I regretted it immediately. I love to try new stuff. Especially no-brand or brand that is not famous. My curiosity is very high, that is the problem."
"I wanted to know whether those products are okay for human being. For example, I bought BioAqua face products. The most product I regret is BioAqua aloe vera. After my third use of the product, I actually experience worst allergic in the world."
"My skin had a lot of red patches appeared in just few hours. It was itchy but not painful. Just I keep scratching my skin but I tried my best to control it."
"It took about three - five days to keep it clear with medication and creams. Then after a couple of weeks, I decided to use it again. I got the reaction."
"Thankfully, I still have the medication and the cream. So, I took it immediately. I also did not apply the cream that much compared to previous time."
"I still have the aloe vera bottle in my room. I wanted to throw it but I could not throw it. Yet, I cannot use it and yes, I feel sad when I saw it. So, you can understand how I feel."-nimbledealing53
Hobby Hobby Hobby!
"If I won the lottery - I would open a shop for my favorite hobby. I would manage it like a business, giving a decent wage to several workers allowing them to pursue a degree or whatever and have a job that doesn't suck."
"I'd lose money on running a store. But I'd enjoy it. I'd enjoy sharing my hobby, selling the stuff I love at reasonable prices and giving a few young people a good job in a stress free environment."
"Useless store, great life experience for the people I'd employ."-Dealthagar
Money doesn't solve all of the world's problems or all of a person's problems, even—but it certainly does make life a little easier here and there for those who need it.
Hopefully the 21st century sees all of us buying things with our millions of dollars.
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