People Break Down The Biggest Societal Pressures Men Face
Photo by Alex Vámos on Unsplash

The problem with men is that they never seem to want to discuss their issues.

We're emerging from generations of society and culture that have indoctrinated men to believe that sharing vulnerability and problems were a weakness.

And it's time to talk about it.

Speak up guys, we're listening.

Redditor Tabocuspokus wanted to hear from the boys about life's issues, so they asked:

"What are problems in modern society, that put social pressure on boys and men? And what can women do about it?"

Having fear. Men are trained to be fearless. But we have fear. A lot, and it sucks.

Be Kind

Not Going Anywhere Tell Me GIF by grown-ish Giphy

"If you ask us to share our emotions and thoughts, don't ridicule us after we shared them with you."

Neil_Merathyr

'creepy'

"Being a loving father is not 'creepy.' I have an 11 year old boy, an 8 y/o boy and a 4 y/o daughter. I've gotten really weird looks giving my kids kisses on the cheek in public. My oldest son got the worst of it because he was my first kiddo. I constantly gave him hugs and kisses as a baby because my dad couldn't even be bothered to tell me he loved me."

"So I vowed to be a loving sweet father, unlike mine. There are days we go to the store and I'll snuggle into my daughter's neck and tell her how much I love her. I still call her "princess" to this day. Every now and then I get weird looks. It hurts because it was so common for my dad to walk 5 yards ahead of me in a store and not care, but I care. So I love my kids. And to some people this is some how weird."

Lelio-Santero579

I'm Listening

"Mental health, domestic abuse, showing emotions, body image... I could go on. What I do to help my partners is be completely open about my problems and allow them to do the same. I let them talk. I listen. And when the conversations come to an end, we work on it. Want counseling? We can do it together. Want to lose weight? Let's go on a diet. However they want to deal with their problems is alright by me so long as it isn't self-destructive. I think we should be supportive."

PibbyChullz

Be A Man

"When you ask us to express our feelings, you need to let express our actual feelings and not just the feelings you want us to express. This also needs to be entirely free of judgement or punishment. As men, we're constantly told we need to express our feelings more. But all too often, if we express anything other than strength we are judged, quite harshly, as being weak, selfish, unattractive, and less of a man."

r0botdevil

Raising Kids

michael keaton GIF by Maudit Giphy

"Main ones for me are the inability to properly be a parent in public with out being judged and things like use PARENTING rooms to change a nappy or whatever which are unisex without being looked at as some creep (my friend once actually had the mall security called in him by a lady claiming there was a man in the women's toilets) or me being by myself with my own kids automatically makes me some sort of criminal especially if the kid throws a tantrum at a mall and it’s crying, screaming etc."

"And I could be trying to put them back in their pram with them screaming and random women would be giving me dagger eyes. Where if my wife has a shouting screaming kid other women just give her a kind understanding smile and walk along… if women can cut down on that sorta judgemental stuff it would be great… I know this isn’t the case every time you go out in public but just having it happen a few times always leaves it in the back of your mind."

katofan1

Interesting truths being thrown out here. Society really does judge first, even after all of out "progress."

Talk to Me Too...

fathers day dad GIF by Disney Pixar Giphy

"Being a father is weird. I get worried looks from women walking through Walmart with my arm around my daughter. Or if my wife and I are together and someone asks anything about our kids, like where they go to school or their age or birthday, it's always directed at my wife as if I don't know anything about my own kids."

mrselfdestruct066

Lessons Ignored

"I didn't learn my lesson the first time. I've tried opening up repeatedly to try to discuss my mental health issues and just general life problems with family and friends, even a couple doctors. No one wants to hear about that, so now I just bottle it all up like a "real man" and pretend like I can ignore the pain and loneliness. I think I would have been better off to have not tried to begin with."

delocx

Raised by a therapist

"I'm a dude and was raised by a therapist. So, I have absolutely no problem talking about my feelings, inner truth, being vulnerable and so on. Nonetheless, as an adult I've found that the world is not at all ready for men who talk about their feelings. All of the people who depend on me overreact every time I project anything but strength."

"It puts me in an ironic position where I almost need a double life: one full of people whom I love and support but with whom I don't share my feelings; another full of people whom I don't love and support but with whom I can share my feelings. Or, I can choose the third route: swallow it all and live a life of quiet desperation."

"And statistics show men are far more likely to be socially isolated, turn to substance abuse, prostitution, and suicide? No kidding. If society wants men to live fuller lives, we need to not only encourage men to be more open with their feelings, we need to also remind society that they play a role in making that possible for men."

wutx2

Be Open

"I had been dating a girl for a few months when I opened up to her about the trauma of a childhood friend of mine dying in a horrific accident while we were in school. I ended up crying, because she was literally the first person in a decade I had opened up to about that. "

"She responded with so much love, support, and positivity that I was just blown away. 13 years later, we’ve been married for 6 years and just had our first kid, and I knew from that night that she was the kind of person I could build a life with."

WaluigiIsTheRealHero

"soft"

Sad Lonely GIF by Pokémon Giphy

"My dad yelled at me for crying at my grandpa's funeral because my grandpa wouldn't approve. Any sign of weakness in sports or anything he gets upset with me for looking 'soft,' but he tells me he loves me everyday and gives hugs and stuff so it's confusing."

Waffle-Azul

"nobody listens"

"Mental health for men is a big one. Society is slowly starting to get better with this, but it's a very slow burn. We're constantly under the weight of demands and expectations, and then get made fun of when we say something about it. A really good example, look at Will Smith."

"The man sat down and listened to his wife talk about an affair, cried on live tv, and he became a meme because of it. There was a trend on TikTok asking men why they don't speak up, and every single response was along the lines of 'nobody listens.'"

November_Dawn_11

Yeah, don’t do that...

"Judging them for Being Honest. Nothing is worse than when you open up to your S/O about a struggle you’re having and then later they throw that in your face as a weakness. Yeah, don’t do that."

ThinkForYourselph

"You should never be made to feel guilty/weak to be honest and open with your significant other. If they throw your personal struggles in your face as a weakness, throw them out of your life, because you deserve better, king."

thepariah4231

Be Open

"Being vocal about mental health and feelings. I’ve found myself sweeping it under the rug a lot and sucking it up. I’m tired and exhausted but I have to keep going."

MemelordPetey

"I try to be happy but I have so much rage built up in me that it sometimes get exhausting to simply be."

"I was never allowed an outlet for my sadness or anger so I've been bottling everything up for 26 years and now I don't know what anger feels like. I no longer feel anger cuz I skip over into rage. It's like arming a landmine over and over again and then wondering why it explodes when people jump on it as if landmines have never done that before."

Zack_WithaK

Size Issues

Kyle Mooney Snl GIF by Saturday Night Live Giphy

"Emphasis on penis size and height. I think it affects a lot of young men in a negative way, makes them feel inadequate."

1980pzx

Male Honor

"I’m currently pregnant and haven't been keeping food down for three weeks, I’m starving and the level of nausea has surpassed the unbearable. My body and mind are at an extreme low. My husband has gotten anything I can fathom to try and help."

"He Fetches me anything, has taken over all house duties and is worried out of his mind. He also started a new job last week. I will get all the sympathy in the world and he will not. just because my struggle is greater does not make someone else’s struggle any less difficult."

"Even he refuses to acknowledge any hardship. He’s programmed with the type of male honor that makes his feelings invisible. I think the best thing anyone can do is take a moment to think from another perspective and open a Discussion like this."

W4lkingDis4ster

#MenToo

"Men can get postpartum depression. But they aren't screened for it; only mothers are (in our experience in the US). My husband suffered from it after we had our first child. They screened me, the mom, for it in the hospital, at my follow-up OBGYN appointments, and at our baby's pediatrician appointments. My husband was there for all of those except the OBGYN. Nobody ever even asked how he was feeling."

DenversTrain

"sensitive."

"As a kid, I was shamed by my mother and sister for being 'sensitive.' Aka, anytime they upset me or I was upset, it was unmanly to show my emotions. As a boyfriend, I was sometimes expected to handle both of our emotional stresses. Perhaps this one isn't as gendered, but it happens to people in relationships."

"As a husband, I have actual expectations and responsibilities to consistently provide for my household, emotionally and financially. This is also not a gendered thing, but it definitely is common. I think for most men out there, we've been taught to hide our emotions, and get put in emotionally tough situations. There's a lot of solutions, but understanding is always the foundation towards an answer."

streetsurfer789

"thank you for the meal"

"I came to a realization the other day. It really isn't anyone's fault but I realized that no one has ever in my family thanked my dad for earning the living for our family. I live in a more traditional house and my mom is a stay at home mom and we were always taught too tell her 'thank you for the meal' and thanks for everything you do and all that stuff. Thats great and all but we never once said, thanks for the job you do dad which is very intensive and stressful."

"He never once has complained about his job for all my life. I realized this about 2 months ago and I decided to thank him for all that he does. He didn't exactly know how to answer the compliment cause it was new too him but I could tell it made a difference. Not so much a 'this hurts men and women need to fix it!!!' post but still important to bear in mind nonetheless."

Vast_Statement_7761

innuendo...

"Just because I'm a man doesn't mean I'm dangerous, or angry all the time. I took my son to the ER for a broken leg years ago, and got the third degree from EVERY person that came in and examined or worked with him. The innuendo about his injury being due to me was palpable, yet they never came out and straight accused me of it. It caused additional stress that wasn't needed, and embarrassed me to no end."

TheMrDetty

I'll Wait

John Goodman Reaction GIF by ABC Network Giphy

"Name a family-related sitcom in the last 25 years that doesn't show the Dad/male lead as clueless, well-meaning, but mostly incompetent, with a wise-cracking wife/mom/female lead who is always exasperated by the ineptitude of the guy she loves. Go ahead. I'll wait."

slice_of_pi

Keep reading. Keep talking. Keep sharing. Real men admit they can't handle it all.


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