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As much as I'd love to sit here and paint a picture of a world populated by 100% honest people who would never take advantage of others, I simply can't do that.

The unfortunate truth is that you need to have you head on a swivel out there.

Muggings, scams, crooked cops, and exploitation of the vulnerable are happening all over the place all the time. And if you prefer to stay out of the cross-hairs, you'll need to know how to protect yourself.

Lucky for us, some Redditors offered their best tips to help prevent yourself from becoming the victim.

[deleted] asked, "What are the best 'street smart' tips you can give?"

Mugging was a popular area of commentary in the thread. There are so many minute behaviors you can incorporate into your night walk home that could really save your butt someday.

Keep Those Eyes Moving 

"Situational awareness. Look up the OODA loop and learn it. Notice who stands out, who looks out of place."

"If you get a bad feeling about a situation or person DO NOT ignore it. Know your exits. Even if you have a weapon yourself, getting out without having to fight is best."

-- TheBklynGuy

A List of Tips 

"Windows are mirrors, use them to see who's behind you. Act like you know where you're going. Swing wide around corners. Don't show off anything you're not willing to lose."

"The nicer you look, the bigger of a mark you become - look like you've got nothing and people will assume you've got nothing. Stay focused on the sound of your footsteps and you'll hear nearby footsteps too."

"I lived in an area where people get mugged regularly."

-- charliefu**stick

Eliminating one of Your Senses

"DO NOT WEAR HEADPHONES!!!"

"You make yourself an easy target by making it so even the most clod footed mugger can sneak up on you."

-- LinuxPariah

Be Prepared 

"Don't fumble through your pockets."

"If you think your being followed go into a store calmly and chat with the workers."

"Carry a loose dollar bill or two if your someone that likes to give money to people. Less likely to target the dude that handed a single dollar than the guy who pulled a dollar out of a wallet full of 20's"

-- Spawn95

Others offered tips regarding more communal environments than the lonely, defenseless walk home. These tips had a lot to do with nights out, bar behavior, and a general skepticism of other people's motivations.

The Bait and Switch

"Be weary of women who approach you at a bar and immediately try and get you to go to another bar."

"Those people are called 'pullers' and they are paid to do it."

-- NicNac_PattyMac

All About Context 

"Surround yourself with people who make you feel safe. There's a difference between feeling comfortable and feeling safe. You could be comfortable with strangers— maybe you just met them and they're nice."

"You might not be safe around those people, i.e. would those people help you if someone had a gun to your head, or run for their own safety? Find the people who you know would take a punch to keep you safe."

-- badgerfishing

You Know 

"Trust your gut. Your subconscious can notice details your conscious mind doesn't."

"Don't be afraid of making a scene to keep yourself safe."

-- Choko_Emiko

Finally, some imparted wisdom that might be helpful if you find yourself brushing against law and order. The overarching theme? Don't shoot yourself in the foot.

Pipe Down 

"If you get arrested, shut the fu** up. Ask for a lawyer and then shut the fu** up. And when a lawyer shows up, shut the fu** up." -- inkseep1

"Listen to this guy here, he knows what he's doin." -- IAMAZNGI

Keep It Cool 

"Cops will take the side of anyone that speaks calmly every time no matter the circumstances." -- NicNac_PattyMac

"Yes, officer. You see.. I am quite aware there is blood all over me and a knife in my hand. It may look like I murdered this young gentleman and my wife sleeping in our bed, but on the contrary, I very much just arrived to find them butchered by some stranger...it is quite the pickle we are in, but I assure you that I had nothing to do with this" -- seuche23

Don't Stack 

"Never break two laws at the same time."

"If you got illegal stuff on you in the car, don't speed. And so on."

-- notimetosmoke


Hopefully you'll note these tips--if you haven't already--and someday prevent a true calamity from ever striking.

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Typically, I would write an intro about my own experiences with the weird kids at school, but I WAS the weird kid in school. Not in a bad way, more like a “I had a John Waters phase” when I was 16 and everyone knew it. So like, cool-weird. At least I hope so.

Schools aren’t always so lucky to have the cool kinds of weird kids though. The spectrum of weird extends even further than that, and can sometimes end up very disasterous.

U/Imaginary_East5786 asked: What was the weirdest thing the weird kid did at school?

​Let’s start with the grossest of the gross. Because why not.

Was it worth it?

peeing ralph wiggum GIF Giphy

He heard that you'd automatically get suspended if you peed your pants at school. He wanted to find out if it was true, peed his pants, got suspended.

Memoryduel

Scientific method:

> Observation: 'I've heard that by peeing your pants you will be suspended'

> Hypothesis: If I pee my pants I will be suspended

> Experiment: I peed my pants and I got suspended

> Conclusion: If I pee my pants I get suspended

Glez_fdezdavila_

Uhhh what was the intention here?

He got mad that he didn't understand how to play a game at lunchtime so he started hitting and punching the nearest person to him, who happened to be me. When I shoved him away and asked him what the hell was he doing, he whipped his unit.out, charged at me and when I shoved him away from me again he started crying and ran away with his member still sticking out.

Kurtles12

​Next ones up are the lowkey (or even highkey) disturbing stories. These weird kids can get a little scary.

Boom theret.

At my middle school, someone decided to get a little attention with a good old fashioned bomb threat. Except they thought that a bomb threat meant literally writing "bomb threat" somewhere. Worse yet, they misspelled the f*ck out of it, and wrote "boom theret."

So we had to go on a brief, very awkward lockdown while the police checked the perimeter for booms.

Angusthedangus

I hope there was no overlap in the columns.

Serial Killer Halloween GIF by GIPHY CAM Giphy

She wrote a list of all the girls and boys she wanted to kiss and murder and then casually passed it out on the playground.

Fun-Acadia-8735

2 separate lists or just the 1?

OppositeYouth

Same list 2 columns lol.

Fun-Acadia-8735

Holy crap.

Had the weird kid in high school ask the teacher to use the bathroom. She said no and this dude legit stabbed his hand with a pencil. Went all the way through then asked if he could now...sh*t was wild.

This was Pearl High School in Mississippi. This was the school Luke Woodham shot and killed his girlfriend and her friend at the school. This kid stabbed himself with the pencil about 2 months after that happened. This was late 1997.

Roberted1982

​Most of the time, however, the weird kids are pretty d*mn funny.

Ok, but this takes a lot of skill.

Had a kid nicknamed "cheeseburger" in the grade ahead of me in high school. He got his nickname because when it was time for his class to go to lunch, he snuck into the roof and crawled his way into the cafeteria, dropped down and proceeded to steal all the cheeseburger put out for lunch. Unfortunately they caught him in the act and sent him to the principal's office.

A year later he was caught stealing a teacher's computer, and in the process of being arrested he bit the officers hand, getting him sent to juvi never to be heard of again.

Theonering1

Every school had the cat girl.

cat dragging GIF Giphy

The weird kid at my highschool tied a string around his pencil case and pulled out around the halls pretending it was a dog. He still lives in my hometown. I think unemployed.

Oh also weird girl in middle school acted like a cat. She would meow and hiss at people, lick the water fountain and rub her body on the teacher's legs. In 8th grade. I have no idea where she ended up.

SendmePMsofyourBMs

Mood.

Weird kid in elementary was a self proclaimed alien. Once, while waiting for the bus, she told me "On my planet we eat people like you" and proceeded to bite me. We later became friends in high school and she used to give me massages during lunch break in the quad. Just realized now she was likely tenderizing me.

Iheartrevolution

I was exactly this kind of weird.

He didn't say much, but if asked, he would go to the front of the class and perform Tip-Toe Through the Tulips with all of the emotion and volume of Tiny Tim, holding nothing back.

The last I heard, he became an energy trader, made a ton of money and married well.

10per

I can definitely relate to that last one. In middle school, my English teacher would let me go to the front of the class and perform monologues or songs from Broadway musicals. Weird, but that’s what happens when schools cut funding for the arts and the theatre kids have no outlet.

As long as you’re not hurting anyone, I say let your freak flag fly, man

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