Ever walk away from an argument, and then kick yourself for not saying anything cool?
Hours, even days, after an intense confrontation, you're minding your business, when suddenly, your brain comes up with a perfect comeback. You'd give anything to go back in time, and stun your advisory with a witty retort.
Sometimes, people get lucky and snap back with a response so clever, that it almost sounds rehearsed. Redditor u/9_Soldiers_In_A_Bear wanted to hear people's stories of epic comebacks, and asked... "What's the most bad@$$ thing you've accidentally said in the heat of the moment?"
10. A bad job is a bad job
"At work project management undercut and mismanaged a project so badly. They pushed getting minimum viable product out with the goal to roll out improvements later.
Product released, they all patted themselves on the back and moved on. Then that minimum viable product broke.
In a meeting we had with our directors about how its so broken and the cost to fix it etc (no cost too big, unlimited manpower etc) I asked 'how come we couldnt afford to do it right, but we can afford to do it twice?'"
9. Crisis averted
"Big burly former marine/mercenary from Iraq was back stateside, huge mountain of a man. We came to face each other in one of the narrow corridors of the office where one of us was gonna have to turn sideways. Neither of us turned, but we stopped. I'm 6'1 260 and he still towered over me. He was a nice guy, but still a little.....'conditioned' I guess you could say or mentally unhinged. He looked me dead in the eye and said, 'You feeling froggy?' It truly was like something out of a movie. Without blinking I replied, 'You better jump.'
We both cracked up and turned sideways, while the office breathed a collective sigh of relief."
8. Spelling is overrated
"I am a fourth grade teacher and one day I was up at the board and struggling to remember how to spell a particular word. I was trying to make light of it, telling the kids that sometimes adults need help with spelling too. One student replied, 'It is because you were poorly educated. But don't worry, we are poorly educated too.' Double whammy."
7. Dad jokes gone wrong
"I'll never forget the moment a family walked into the local pub I was working at while I was working. This big king-of-the-grill bald alpha patriarch Dad type and his wife and kids came through, I said 'welcome, where would you like to sit?' And he snapped back 'well a table would be nice', and without missing a beat at all I replied 'actually we usually sit on the chairs here', I'll never forget the satisfaction of that moment or the look on his face haha."
6. This teacher was destroyed in the comments
"I didn't realize the nature of my comment when i wrote it... but in high school, one of my teachers did end-of-the-year anonymous evaluations. everyone hated him, and i understood why but i still did well in his class. i wrote 'I don't have any critiques about your teaching, but i think you should work on being a better person'"
5. This rude boyfriend was put in his place
"When I was 12 my older sister had a boy over for thanksgiving dinner. She dated lots of d*****, but this guy took the cake. Big, brash, annoying d*** head who was rude to her and basically everyone. As we sat down for dinner, before we were about to say what we were thankful for he says inaudible moron grunts 'huh looks like I'm seated at the head of the table, must be important' with a huge **** eating grin. Without pausing I gesture to my dad seated opposite him and said 'Actually my dad is at the head of the table, you're the ***hole'. My mom scolded me for swearing at the table but years later told me her and my dad thought it was hilarious!"
4. Don't talk bad about dad
"My uncles were bit**ing about my dad so I walked into the conversation and told them it wasn't polite to talk about people behind their backs.
My uncle turned to me and said I shouldn't interrupt when the men are speaking and completely out of character i replied 'I don't see any men in here' ... boy did I get some **** that day but that's how I knew I won that exchange."
3. Is this a test?
"Forensic biology professor brings out a fresh human brain as a surprise to a stunned class.
'You have no idea what I had to go through to get this.'
2. Go tell your mom about it!
"After 4 years in an abusive relationship and 1 year of an abusive marriage, I told my ex that I wanted a divorce. He told he that I couldn't divorce him or I'd go to hell. My response was 'Well I guess I'll see you there!'
I then kicked him out of my house (for which he had never paid a dime in bills) and told him to call his mom for a plane ticket.
Not the most bad*** story here, but it felt good."
1. She was not to be messed with
"Not me, my daughter.
This boy at school called her '*****ed.; Her response? 'No, I'm autistic. I don't know what your ****ing excuse is.' She was in sixth grade.
I was pretty shocked when I got that phone call. She usually doesn't say things to people."
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