Chickens. Are. Terrifying.
If you think "chickens" and think of flighty, cowardly animals, it's clear you've never actually met them.
They're mean. They're bloodthirsty. They've killed people.
Nature made them small and delicious so we'd eat them and give ourselves a fighting chance against these New World Velociraptors.
Reddit user Click-bayt1025 assked:
"What’s an animal everyone thinks is harmless but in reality is very dangerous?"
... we should probably be very afraid.
Bye-Son
"Bison, every year someone gets hurt or killed in Yellowstone because they think the bison are slow and dumb and you can take selfies with them."
"Really they are quick and powerful, but have poor eyesight. As you approach a bison it may not see you until you are close, then it can panic and gore you."
- Riverrat423
"People really treat Yellowstone like a petting zoo. Seen many videos of people being flipped into the air like ragdolls."
"Also the kid who got his chin gored because the family had the windows down"
- chiefs_fan37
"I legit cannot fathom seeing an animal as massive as a bison and assuming it’s safe to approach."
- aliceroyal
"It seems like there’s more stories coming out from Yellowstone about people getting killed or critically injured by Buffalo because they’re getting to close to them."
- shrimpsauce91
"The stupidest sh*t I ever saw in my life was the tourist I saw in Yellowstone tiptoeing through a thermal area (where the earth/crust is really thin and barely covers deep pools of boiling hot acidic water) with his camera to get closer to a bison and its calf to take a photo."
"Dude must have had a death wish."
- g-a-r-n-e-t
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Cone Snail
"Cone snails."
"You see their shells decorating bathrooms all the time. But find a live one and make the mistake handling it and it will lance you with a venomous harpoon."
"For several species, such as the geography cone, this venom is sufficent to swiftly kill a human."
- Trips-Over-Tail
"Definitely snails. Certain fresh water snails carry parasitic worms that in turn carry a deadly disease known as schistosomiasis. When humans come into contact with water where these snails live they can become infected and die of organ failure."
"In sub-Saharan Africa, schistosomiasis is the second leading cause of death after malaria, with more than 200,000"
- elizletcher
"There's one species of cone snail nicknamed "cigarette snail" because the time their venom takes to kill you is about as much as it takes to smoke a cigarette."
- WeirdStray
"This is the answer I was looking for. I'll never forget reading about this as a kid and being surprised they can harpoon people and kill them while they collect shells."
- Rhodri_Suojelija
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Donkey
"Donkeys although they look innocent but they have nasty kicks and bites"
- musanifshah3010
"Anybody that thinks donkeys aren't terrifying should see what happens when they get a hold of a coyote."
- mgj6818
"They have wild donkeys near Lake Pleasant. I camped there one time and I just heard this mean ass beast in the bushes—we were scared. I got up some courage and went to go look and it was just a really mean donkey."
- xXSpaceturdXx
"And even if you somehow defeat one, you'll have to fight its pissed off dragon wife next"
- P1SSY3LL0W
"Used to work near wild Burros. A lot of those Burros had scars on their backs from when a mountain lions attempted to take them down."
"Attempted, being the key word there. Saw one with a bad eye, one ear, scarred up back, and no fear in its one good eye. Of me or my SUV."
- 2DamnBig
"Donkeys are smart tho, really just don’t get on their territory unless you live their or they allow it."
"We had few and they all had different jobs. Those that moved stuff from the farm to the sorting room knew the way around the farm. We load them up and they go drop it and come back and eat a treat."
"They knew when guests are coming and would guide our herd of sheep to the other side of the farm."
"Kept our sheep protected at night.""
"Just take care of them, feed them, shelter them, and clean them. That’s all they ask for and they are loyal."
"Also let them be them. They like to run around or just lay down and do nothing, they got amazing personalities."
- momo88852
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Big Big Birds
"Not everyone but I see a few people get dangerously close to big birds like hawks and eagles. I'm like, people, those birds almost got bigger claws than bears, leave them alone."
- TheShadowOfKaos
"I work with them quite often and yeah, if you don’t know what you are doing and how to properly handle them it can be very very dangerous."
"Also people letting their little tiny rabbit sized dogs walk off leash in areas where I know there are raptors drives me mad. There’s no way you’d be able to save your dog if one decided they looked like a good meal."
- chamomilehoneywhisk
"I once rescued an adult redtail hawk with a broken wing. Having to catch her up was very scary - she flopped on her back, talons up, ready to grab me."
"Luckily I was able to cover her head and grab her legs."
"Most people, if they have the sense to be afraid of raptors, fear being bitten. Nah, the beak isn't the primary weapon, those talons are!"
- sainsa
"I went on a falconry experience once, had a golden eagle on my arm which was super tame and chill, and it was still terrifying. When it jumped off my arm to take off the force sent my arm downwards about 45 degrees."
- godoflemmings
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Timon
"My uncle is a zoologist and the only animal he was ever attacked by was a meerkat."
- doej0
"I’m a zoo volunteer, got bitten by a meerkat a few months ago. It just darted up and bit my finger for no reason, little jerk. They are FAST."
- Sleeplesshelley
"Small animals like that come preprogrammed with the rage of 1,000 demons."
- kendrahf
"Meerkats also have the highest environmental risk factor of any potentially escaped animal. They'll breed and dig until theyve reached carrying capacity, destroying root systems and creating deserts wherever they go."
"If you wanna cripple a nation's food supply, just drop in a few horny meerkats."
- fuckasssss
"The only scar I got from working with animals was from a meerkat, didn’t give her her chicken fast enough 🥲"
- tribblemethis
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Beavers
"Beware of Beavers!"
"Beavers will stand their ground and confront a threat. If trapped, cornered, or ensnatched, a beaver will attack a human."
"The rodents' sharp teeth may cause serious injury as well as infection. Beavers carry tularemia, parasites, and rabies, which can transfer through bites, body fluids, or infected water."
"Before beavers attack humans or other animals, they send a warning by growling and hissing. On land, the animal rises to its hind legs to face a threat. In the water, a startled beaver slaps its tail against the surface to alert others in the colony before diving to safety."
- Back2Bach
"I've heard a beaver slap its tail in the water before. You'd think someone just fired a shotgun at you!"
- mikeybab123
"I had a beaver shadow me for about a half mile while I was wade fishing a small river. Whenever I stopped to fish, it swam within about 15 feet from me and slapped its tail against the water."
"So I would move farther downstream, but it would just repeat the process. It was probably protecting little ones, but finally I got so unnerved I decided that was enough fishing for one day."
- twisted_stepsister
"Nickelodeon was right. Those beavers are Angry Beavers."
- FM1091
"When I was in highschool, me and my buddies were walking along the river bank one night and I heard rustling in the tall grass up the bank. Being a very stupid teenager, I pulled the grass to the sides like a cartoon character and put my face right in there."
"I saw two large, shiny, black marbles and a yellow coffee mug. When my eyes adjusted to the light, I made out a toaster oven-sized beaver with MASSIVE yellow teeth."
"We started at each other, frozen in fear for what felt like a lifetime when I slowly closed the opening in the grass and backed out before strolling away. It was a total Scooby Doo moment."
"I didn't tell my friends until we were well away so they didn't go back and disturb it because I didn't how dangerous a beaver could be."
- Broosevelt
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All-around MVPredator
"dragon flies, but not to people. I went off the beaten path hiking around an old slate town and there was a lot of horse/deer flies buzzing around attacking me. I Came across the edge of a huge beaver pond that hasn't really been touched by humans in 100+ years."
"As soon as I get to the marshy beach all the sudden i see these little flashes of black zooming around my head and all of the flies are gone these fuckin dragon flies came in and took them all out in a matter of seconds mid god damn flight."
- Outnabout3535325
"Dragonflies are really good predators. They are the perfect flying machines"
- gandalfium225
"Dragonflies actually have the highest kill ratio of any animal"
"I don't remember the exact stat, but its over 90% of the time they hit their target."
- Gasp32
"Dragonflies are vicious, vicious predators. Something like 95% success rate at hunting, they can fly up to 30 mph, and are ridiculously agile, about to fly up, down, left, right, forwards and backwards, and can hover."
- Dorgamund
"Yeah, they will pick them right off your skin while in mid-bite. When I was working in a forest we used to go to bridge over a water way in the evening to get some relief from the bugs. The relief was an airforce of dragon flies feasting on those bastards."
- socialism-scientific
"As an avid outdoorsman, I regularly plan trips to certain areas based upon predictions and reports about whether dragonflies are out yet that year."
"They are true friends of the outdoors enthusiast."
"But they do, in fact, pack a nasty bite if they so choose to use it. Usually they don't, but I've been bitten by them before and it hurts like f*cking hell. I still love them."
- flargenhargen
"The real heroes."
- Dark_Vengence
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Flippin Flipper
"Dolphins. Those things can be little psychopaths."
- AgentAwesome2008
"Came here for this. The biggest rapists and druggies on the planet"
- LordChaos404
"Little meat torpedoes that can weigh over half a ton, bite like crocodiles and sometimes find humans sexually attractive."
- Nephilims_Dagger
"YES!! One bit me at Sea World, I thought it was an accident because it was a feeding tank but he turned around and BIT ME AGAIN."
"Tons of other kids were standing there, that bottle nosed bastard targeted me!"
"I don’t blame it though, poor guy living in captivity."
- Fishbate333
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Careful With The Fedora
"Platypus. The males have a big venom spike on their back legs, which is intensely painful."
"This sounds like a joke, but it’s absolutely true."
- IncredulousPulp
"Platypus is an animal that makes so little sense the first person to send one back to Europe was labeled a fraud."
"Like other monotremes, it senses prey through electrolocation. It is one of the few species of venomous mammals, as the male platypus has a spur on the hind foot that delivers a venom, capable of causing severe pain to humans. The unusual appearance of this egg-laying, duck-billed, beaver-tailed, otter-footed mammal baffled European naturalists when they first encountered it, and the first scientists to examine a preserved platypus body (in 1799) judged it a fake, made of several animals sewn together.[5]" -Wikipedia"
- shwaga
"They are also surprisingly fast at chasing you on land, and it's looks hilarious until they catch you"
- Deadlybutterknife
"I also heard they make for a great secret agent…"
- Mecha106
"Their venom is so painful infact morphine can't even touch it. You have to pinch off the nerves thus fully numbing the area to find relief from the pain."
- The_Book-JDP
"HE’S A SEMI-AQUATIC EGG-LAYING MAMMAL OF ACTION!"
- FinniboiXD
"I saw a segment from a documentary series about stings and bites once. This guy grabbed a platypus by accident because he was trying to grab hold of a log. It spurred his hand and caused him excruciating pain. At the hospital, the doctors had to figure out how to stop the pain because they had given him so much morphine that anymore would have been dangerous, and it had little to no effect on the pain."
"They were able to figure something out, but it took several months for the guy to be able to fully use that hand again."
- CelticGaelic
"The platypus is nature's way of saying "I made this thing out of spare parts I found lying around the workshop and it can still f*cking cripple you."
- Hypersapien
"But the females can sweat milk"
- Easthwestnorth
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Pigs
"Pigs, people thinks they are harmless packs of bacon but in reality they can easily kill you if annoyed"
- clari_man
"There's a reason everyone on the farm in Wizard of Oz freaked out when Dorothy fell into the pigpen in the beginning."
- WineAndDogs2020
"And they are omnivorous. They will eat you, if they have the chance."
- Apotak
"My grandparents always kept animals and my grandmother grew up on a farm. She was always the most afraid of the pigs and always said as much. Pigs are dangerous and can be quiet a bit larger then people imagine."
- thiswilltakeamiracle
"My aunt tripped one day feeding her pig, he was on her in a second. She managed to drag herself partially upright while he tried to get a good grip on her legs and grab the ballpeen hammer hanging on the side of the barn. She ended up having to smash his skull in while he was trying to crush/eat her."
"I can't imagine how terrified she was and I'm so happy she was able to pull herself up enough to grab the hammer"
- MossyDwarf
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Are you feeling suddenly uncomfortable in the food chain?
Us too.
Every now and then, a friend of ours might say something, or we might overhear a complete stranger say something that makes us stop in our tracks.
More often than not, what we can't believe we just heard is something so ridiculous, we can't help but put the person who said it in their place.
Other times, however, what we just heard might have stunned us silent because of how shockingly clever it was.
Resulting in our not wanting to scold or yell at someone, but rather give them a handshake.
Redditor SubmergingOriginal was curious to hear the sharpest and wittiest things they've ever heard, from friends and strangers alike, leading them to ask:
"Enough with the dumbest; what is the wittiest thing you've ever heard someone say?"
Don't Give Me So Much Credit...
'I was on a team at work that was on a project working insane overtime."
"One night after an 80-90 hour week, we were all sitting around the table trying to finish up so we could go home."
"Around 11, my buddy's wife called, dubious about the hours he'd been keeping."
"We heard her through the line - 'are you cheating on me?'"
"Exasperated, he looked at our boss, then replied 'honey, if I was cheating on you, I would have been home by now'."- lionbatcher
Eternal Optimism...
"Asked a blind guy if he'd been blind his whole life."
"He said 'Not yet'."- Feeling_Mode_6465
Free time Isn't The Only Thing He Has On His Hands...
"My brother got a vasectomy and when the doctor was releasing him and giving him instructions (with the nurse listening in), one of the orders was to 'come back and have a follow-up appointment after you’ve ejaculated 30 times'.”
"Without missing a beat my brother asked 'what time do you open tomorrow?'”
"The nurse couldn’t keep it together after hearing that."- UtahUtopia
Awkward Season 8 GIF by The Office
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Double Whammy!
"My pal uses the phrase 'he doesn’t look strong enough to carry information' and it cracks me up every time."
"Calling someone stupid and weak in one fell swoop."- JennyW93
Can't Hide Your DNA...
'Whenever I jokingly insult my mum, she says 'that must be where you get it from'."
"She cracked the code."
"I can never offend her without offending myself."- JennyW93
Self-Sufficient!
"My brother was a line cook at a New Orleans restaurant."
"My mom was in town, staying at a fancy hotel, and he stopped by after work, still wearing his kitchen whites."
"He was reading a newspaper in the lobby waiting for her to come down when the shocked lobby manager sputtered at him, 'MAY I HELP YOU!?!?'
"He answered, 'thanks, but I know how to read',” and went back to his paper."- jobrody
Morph Current Affairs GIF by Aardman Animations
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A Miracle!
"My brother-in-law’s comment."
"The entire family went out for my mother’s 80th birthday and after the meal we all went to a local park, largely occupied by the elderly, to rest."
"My mother needed crutches at this point, and they were resting against her bench."
"My 10-year-old niece, who looked like every starving waif image from Dickens, grabbed the crutches and started hobbling round the park."
"All the OAPs were following her progress with looks of pity until my brother ran up behind her, and kicked away the crutches."
"There was an audible gasp from round the park and then my niece picked the crutches back up and started chasing my brother, clearly intending to hit him."
"In the confused silence my brother-in-law’s voice rang out 'Praise be! She can walk again!'"
"We still think this was the highlight of the birthday celebrations."- DdraigGwyn
Still Legal, Whichever Way You Cut It...
"I picked up my pleasantly tipsy boyfriend from a nightclub."
"We were stopped by the Police for a random breath test."
"They asked me my age, and I said, 33."
"My bf blurted out '33? You told me you were 22'."
"Police just laughed and let me go."- Aggravating-Corgi379
Music Video Police GIF by Andrew W. K.
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A Bit Too On The Nose?
"Business law class in college years ago, talking about the issues that black Americans had before the Civil Rights."
"Amendment, trying to travel through the south with the discrimination so rampant, trying to find restaurants to serve them and decent lodgings."
"My instructor was posing a hypothetical: 'So you pull up out front of this place, you're exhausted from driving for hours, and you see the sign out front says 'Ku Klux Klan Motel'."
"'What would you expect to find there?'"
"Without missing a beat, from the back of the room came this gem: "'Extra sheets in every room?'"- NedsAtomicDB
Not Yet, Anyway...
"I was working with my friend and his dad."
"My friend (26) heard an ice cream truck near where we were working."
"He asked his dad if he could have a couple dollars."
"His dad asked, 'what for?'"
"My friend told his dad that there was an ice cream truck in the neighborhood, and that they were playing music."
"My friends dad told him "'They don't charge anything to listen to the music'."- tatersalad1234567890
Words Escape You In The Literal "Heat" Of The Moment...
"A friend of mine is a teacher and her husband is known for his wit."
"She told this story to him:"
"One day at school a kid took the hall pass and returned reeking like smoke."
"She asked the kid if he’d been smoking and he denied it over and over."
"She was about to send him to the office when she noticed smoke coming from somewhere."
"She told the kid and he realized that he didn’t put his cig out completely and it was burning in his pants pocket."
"The kid noticed and frantically tried to put it out and someone finally poured water on it."
"Her husband sat listening to this with a weird look on his face."
"She asked him what was wrong."
“'What’s wrong???'"
"'This was probably the only chance you’ll have in your life to say literally, ‘liar,liar, pants on fire’ and you missed your chance'."- Luder714
On Fire No GIF by PEEKASSO
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Amazing What You Might Say A Few Drinks In...
"When I went to a renaissance faire once, I went to a beer tent and ordered a Newcastle Brown Ale (seemed the most fitting for the surroundings)."
"The beer wench, without skipping a beat, said, 'Everyone wants a Newcastle - no one wants to remodel!'"- jayhof52
Read The Room People!
"My dad wiped out when skiing down a mountain and lost a ski."
"After a few minutes of hunting for it, he gives up, slings the one remaining ski over a shoulder and starts walking down the mountain in his ski boots."
"About half-way down, another skier stops and goes 'Gee! Did you lose a ski?'"
"My dad instantly replied 'No, I was out for a walk and found one!'"- PeterJoAl
There's a reason your mother always told you to "use your words".
As clever remarks can have a much more lasting effect on people than a push or shove.