90's music lovers will undoubtedly remember Monica lamenting about how it was Just One Of Them Days... and 13-year-old me absolutely thought I felt that in my soul. Turns out I had no idea how bad "those days" could get.
Now that I've gotten a few more years under my belt I've had more of an opportunity to screw stuff up. Badly. Epicly. Bigly. Fantastically. Just wrong straight out of the gate.
You guys know the days I mean? The days where you barely make it out of bed and you're already messing things up? The days when you start out on the wrong foot and just never find the right one? The kinds of days that make you realize just how far the depths of your own capacity for crap really go?
Those days you almost feel like magic - but not in a good way. In the "bumbling wizard working with a broken wand, a stutter, and an anxiety disorder" kind of way. Like all your magic only makes things worse.
Or at least I do.
Reddit user Trxxi asked:
And yeah... solidarity my brethren, sistren, and otherkin. We are some seriously talented screw ups. Round of applause for us.
Snooze button. On 3 different devices.
Alarm clock xtreme. You can set it so you can't snooze more than a specified number of times, and have to solve math problems to cut the alarm off.
Even on hard difficulty, I just ended up memorizing the problems after a while. I just have the nest thermostat heat my room to 80°F every morning. Smokes me out of the covers lol.
A Morning Full Of Cringe
A teacher whose name I don't even know at my son's daycare said "Bye, love you too" to me after I told my son "Love you buddy, have a good day" on my way out, so I'm pretty sure she's had a morning full of cringe.
I'm 2 hours late to work. So, yes.
40 minutes early to work. Can't clock in yet.
Locked Out And Lunchless
I lost my wallet in my apartment somewhere, and we swipe our student ID's to get into the apartment, so I'm locked out. Can't get lunch for the same reason.
There is no amount of awake that will make me good at math.
That's why every time I used it it just ended up with my wife screaming at me to turn off that racket and me yelling back "what's 13 X 22?!"
To be fair it did wake me up.
I sent out an email to over 100 people with some info on it. Thought I messed up, so replied all saying "hey xyz was wrong!". Then realized it was actually right, so had to send a third email saying " actually xyz was right the first time". I hate doing stuff like that.
I have a really bad habit of typing an email "please see attached" before actually adding the attachment. I've sent a lot of emails like this, usually noticing right away, and resending. I was emailing a resume once, said "please see attached resume", and of course didn't send it. They told me as much in their next email. I responded with something like. "Sorry for the inconvenience, I should have looked more carefully before sending that email. Please see attached resume." I didn't attach the resume. Again.
I didn't get the job.
I got halfway through a clif bar before I realized it expired in 2018. My stomach is making interesting noises.
Lunch With Mom
Took a 500mg edible and forgot I'm meeting my mom for lunch in an hour. Should be interesting!
Panicked And Hung Up
A telephone interview. Panicked at being unable to answer the technical questions (not even particularly difficult ones, my mind just went blank), and hung up. Too embarrassed to get in contact to apologize.
Found a bee hive the wall of my house. I thought it was a good idea to DIY extermination. Sprayed bee killer into the hole. They attacked...I screamed and fell over a folding table by the couch. Luckily, only stung 3 times. Once on my neck and twice in my arm. TIL not a good idea to spray bee killer inside the house because they only got one way to go.
Edit: After doing some research these are probably yellow jackets or wasps and they are flying everywhere in my living room now. I think I might have just made them mad and not killed very many.
Almost everything, I accidentally swapped backpacks with someone with the same backpack. MY BIOLOGY PROJECT IS IN MY BACKPACK, ALSO MY GEOMETRY AND GEOGRAPHY HOMEWORK. Other then that it's really nice, hope I find this guy.
I had to take my son to the pediatrician in my pajamas because I forgot about the appointment. Luckily my phone reminded me and I wound up late, but I made it. He peed through his clothes and I didn't have any spare. Woo! Mom life.
Instead of flicking it in reverse, I drove my forklift forward into an unsuspecting palette of Mild El Paso Salsa.
With all the glass and chunks of tomato, a small section of the warehouse now looks like a low budget horror scene.
A Meeting At Noon
I had to be downtown for a meeting at noon. I fell asleep after coming back from the gym. I wake up at 1105. I hop in the shower, get dressed, and start hauling it downtown. I make with about 10 minutes to spare. As I'm walking to the building, I check my phone to double check the location. The meeting is tomorrow.
Took a sip of coffee walking to class and I passed another student. Made eye contact, the guy smiled, I decided to smile back and in the process dribbled coffee out of my mouth and onto my shirt. He saw. There's coffee on my shirt.