1/7) My favorite case was one where the suspect had a criminal record where he had been charged withcocaine usage and had snorted cocaine out of a hooker's butt.
2/7) Private investigator here. One case I observed was a low level criminal (who was supposed to be disabled), who would spend all day going from Walmart to Walmart, filling up shopping carts withwith energy drinks (Monster I think), walk briskly out the door without paying, throw them in his trunk, and take off like a bat out of hell.
At the end of the day he sold a trunk-load of energy drinks to a corner store and I video taped him walking out with a wad of cash.
Definitely not as exciting as the movies, but it was a fun day for me.
3/7) A few years back I accidentally became the owner of a detective agency. I intended to just be an investment partner, but the owner and actual PI died shortly after I made my investment and lo - I now owned an detective agency.
After quickly getting the various legal licenses, etc., I just started taking cases. The entirety of what I knew about how to be a PI was from various TV shows, movies, and books. For cases, I would just rely on random people whose life has become so bad that they decide calling a PI is the next logical step. Much later I learned that normal PIs never take these so-called "domestic" cases because they are always a huge mess. Real PIs get almost all of the work from lawyers and hire off-duty cops to do all of the leg work. As a result, I had a TON of crazy cases. Several TV seasons worth. Here are a few classics:
-Guy calls me to help catch his neighbor who is knocking over his trashcans at night. We set up a small night vision camera to catch the guy. Watch the video the next day - it is the wind. The client freaks out, says that his neighbor could have had an invisibility field or could have been moving too fast (like the Flash) to show up on camera. Wants to pay us thousands of dollars to rent a heat-seeking camera or one that can shoot thousands of frames per second... Turns out lots of crazy people call PIs to investigate the TV controlling them, alien abduction, etc.
-Seventh Day Adventist lady in an abusive relationship who wants to divorce her husband but apparently needs the husband's permission, which he won't give her. So she wants us to hire a prostitute to seduce him, get it on video, and then mail that to the church leaders to show the marriage is broken.
-Criminal who is serving 20 years in jail for hiring a hit man (who happened to be an undercover cop) to kill his friend. In prison he came into some money and hired us to prove he was innocent. His plan to do this was to have us tell his friend that he better recant his testimony or else our client would use his new money to hire a hitman to kill him "for real this time." This criminal genius told us this plan on a recorded phone call from jail.
I got even more!
Keep going for even more amazing cases!
-Get hired by a wife to see if her husband is sleeping with his secretary. We follow them, recording them going into his single-bed hotel room at 10:20pm after a nice dinner and leaving together the next morning at 8am.
-Get hired by a wife to see if her husband is sleeping with his secretary. We follow them, recording them going into his single-bed hotel room at 10:20pm after a nice dinner and leaving together the next morning at 8am. She says it proves nothing, that they could have just been working late...
-Guy calls to ask for Paddy, my late partner. We tell him he is dead. Conversation that follows goes like this: Bob: Dead? Tell him its Bob. Davevr: Bob - Paddy is dead. B: sure, ok, whatever. Who's this? D: This is Dave. How can I help you? B: Dave huh? Dave... yeah, Dave, I think Paddy mentioned you. D: I doubt it, but go ahead. How can we help? B: I was just calling to make sure the thing is still on for Friday? D: What thing? B: The thing, you know... D: I don't know, Bob. What? B: Well yeah, I know you don't "know", but is it on? D: Bob, I have no idea what you are talking about. B: Ok, I get it. Of course you don't know. But - all I'm saying is, we're good, right? D: We are not good Bob. I don't know what you are talking about. B: Of course. Got it. No idea. Great. Friday? D: Bob, Paddy is dead so whatever you think is happening on Friday is not happening. Understand? B: Perfectly. Tell him I will see him then.
Different call, also asking for Paddy. Conversation goes like this: Guy: I was told to ask for Paddy. Davevr: Paddy's dead. This is Dave, how can I help? G: Hmm, I was told to ask for Paddy. D: You did that, I told you he was dead, so can I help or not? G: Well, OK. I need to disappear. D: What do you mean, disappear? Like, from your girlfriend or from the Feds? (I literally had no idea what he meant) G: Really disappear. Like, dead. D: I don't know what movies you have watched, but there is no way to disappear unless you have a ton of money and a body. (I made this line up on the spot btw just to shut the guy up). G: I have 3 million in cash. Body is no problem. Can you help or not? D: .... I can't talk about this on a cell phone. click
-Never called back. Later found (from tracing the # that called me) it belong to a real estate investor who was being sued for millions in back taxes from the government who died in a private plane crash about a week after that call...
4/7) Cases where older people get a phone call from the "IRS" and get tens of thousands of dollars on prepaid credit cards and read the numbers off the back to the guy on the phone with the Indian accent to pay their tax debt.
This happens a lot actually. It's just weird that otherwise intelligent people can be talked into doing stuff this dumb.
Please talk to your grandparents. Make sure they know this is a common scam and their are many, many variants of this scam. No reputable business or organization takes payments by I-tunes gift cards. Their grandchild did not get locked up in Mexico, they aren't overdue on their electric bill and their power is about to be shut off, the police don't have an old warrant that they'll dismiss for a small fee.
A lot of these victims are so sold on the lie, that store clerks will stop them in the middle of purchasing $3k in moneypak cards, TELL them that they are being scammed, and these victims will argue with them that they need to pay the guy on the phone.
Keep going, they get EVEN better!
5/7) I am a private investigator and I have came across many cases. I will label a few of them.
-A police department in a small town in the Appalachian Mountains wanted me to keep an eye on an old lady.
-A manager at a Walmart in Indiana wanted me to watch a couple of employees because he thought they were talking about him behind his back.
-A retirement home hired me to watch one of their tenants, the tenant was a 90 year old lady with Epilepsy, but the pay was great though :)
-A casino in Reno hired me to watch everyone who uses a certain slot machine.
-A trucking company made me follow one of their drivers, who was pulling a shipping container from Salt Lake City to Ottawa.
-A factory manager hired me to watch his employees whIle he jacked off furiously in his office.
-A tenant of an apartment building hired me to watch his landlord, who also hired me to watch the tenant.
The weirdest one of all? A Donald Trump supporter hired me to watch his neighbor because he was convinced his neighbor was "A Soviet".
6/7) A woman in her midlife, presumably between 45 to 50, was found dead behind a dumpster around a local bar in the middle of December.
She was wearing a skirt that was pulled up to her waist, and leggings that were pulled down, and torn in multiple spots. She also had abrasion around her buttocks, the heels, thigh, and wrists.
At first, the cops are thinking that they have a sexual abuse on their hands.
However, certain things were not adding up. Even though it was mid December, that particular bar was fairly populated, and thus, someone should have reported at least hearing a woman in distress as the dumpster was near the parkinglot of the bar.
Also, the abrasions on her buttocks were rather strange, as if someone had dragged her across the cement floor. Some state that it is possibly due to livor mortis ("marks" caused by settling of the blood).
After some investigation, they found no traces of physical proofs that suggested neither sexual abuse nor rape. No semen, saliva, or hair, was found.
Later it was revealed that due to loneliness of losing her husband and daughters (husband through divorce and daughters simply grew up and started their own lives), this woman went to the bar to meet potentially a new partner but have gotten carried away drinking.
Once outside in the freezing cold, she wants to take a leak and hides herself behind the dumpster. While doing so, she is slowly suffering from hypothermia due to the cold winter wind and lowered body temperature caused by the alcohol. She begins feeling hot (due to paradoxical undressing, caused by hypothermia), she presumably stripes off her jacket, and other pieces of clothing. At this point, the hypothermia is really getting to her and she begins slowly losing conciousness.
While laying on the freezing ground, skirt pulled up and leggings down, she begins convulsing which leaves abrasions on her body. Leaving behind a curious scene that appeared as if she had been taken advantage of.
To the last page for the CRAZIEST case of all!
7/7) I've worked as a private investigator for around five or six years now running my own business. It's usually a pretty bad idea to just up and start an independent PI company as your gateway to the job (in fact it's pretty darn stupid), but I live in a town that's small enough that I was able to make it work. My first year or so was pretty rocky as I tried to adjust to the job, but having a couple of friends in the field to give me pointers here and there definitely helped. I eventually began to hit my stride, and as my reputation increased, so too did my client base.
I tend to get a lot of cases from paranoid spouses, and most I'll take, however absurd. I'm in no position to turn down a paying customer, and when they turn out to be correct it always feels good to help them out an unfaithful partner. This case, despite having a reasonably explainable conclusion, was creepy enough to have definitely caused me to think a little more about what to accept and what to decline.
Roughly two years ago I get a cold call from what sounds like an older man. He asks to make sure he's called the right place, and when I tell him he has, he immediately launches into a particularly long-winded rant about how his wife is plotting against him, and how she's planning to, "take him out". I try to get him to calm down and ask when he would be able to come over to the office so we could discuss things over a coffee, what he should bring, hash out whether or not this was a legitimate case, and if so, negotiate a fee. He's adamant that he needs to see me as soon as possible, so he comes in a couple of hours later. I don't have any cases at the time, so I'm all for it. He's an older gentleman in around his late fifties, early sixties, probably, and is visibly shaken when he shows up. We talk for a little while and he's definitely calmed down by this point, but he's still obviously frightened. He tells me that his wife has been going out to meet with other elderly women for a sort of book-club type deal and that he's sure that they're all out for his blood. Things get really interesting when he reveals that every morning, around 4:00 AM, he's woken up by an abnormally loud sound, like dogs barking and growling frantically. He tells me that he always wakes up to see his wife standing in the bedroom doorway and that two other elderly women resembling a few of her friends are always standing motionless behind her. Making no movements, just... Staring.
The creepy part is that his wife is still in bed with him, sleeping. They don't move as long as he doesn't, but he tells me that as soon as he performs anything noticeable, they stumble off before he has a chance to put his glasses on to get a better look. The few times that he had gone to check, he found his back door opened, but never anything else out of place
I'm a little weirded out, and at first think it may be sleep paralysis, but the fact that a previously closed door is open and that he is able to effortlessly move rules that out. I ask if he has a carbon monoxide detector in his room. He tells me he does, and that it hasn't ever gone off. I ask about things like his address, when his wife usually leaves, when he usually leaves, the location of her book club, pictures of his wife, her friends, things like that. We come to an agreement, I take the case, and he goes off on his way.
I head off to his place that night and park my car on his street in a location in which I can see his front door and the gate leading into his backyard. I set up my camera and turn on a podcast. Since I have to be there before he goes to sleep to ensure I don't miss it (it's possible that they could arrive before 4:00) I'm out there for around six hours with no signs of any activity. The roads are dark, save for dim, country streetlights, and more or less barren. There's this almost piercing feeling of silence and isolation, not unlike the town had suddenly become entirely deserted; like I'm the only living thing outside on that night. My podcast had long ended and a permeating essence of dread enticed me to turn the music that had replaced it off, for fear of unspeakable whispers worming their way into the silence between guitar strums.
3:30 sharp and almost as if on cue, the sound of a dog barking nearly gives me a heart attack. What's worse is how incredibly loud and oddly discordant it is. That is, it's odd until I realize that it's multiple dogs, as if every dog on the block started barking in eerie unison. This is when I catch a glimpse of them in my rearview. Two small, shriveled figures and one taller, more lithe one, all slowly stumbling across the sidewalk, all clad in white dresses, appearing so suddenly it's like NPCs have just entered my draw distance. The tint on my windows ensures they don't notice me as they pass by, but I'm nonetheless silent as a mouse, deathly afraid that one might peer over into my window as they pass. Their footsteps echo as they pass my car, and as they do my blood runs cold. It is not, in fact, three old ladies. It is two old ladies dragging along one lifeless, stark white mannequin, rigid like a corpse fresh from the grave and dressed as the old man's wife. I try to shake myself out of my daze and begin to take a few pictures with one cam, video them with the other. Sure enough, they turn right down his driveway, their mannequin in tow, and one of them unlocks the back gate, vanishing from view. I check the footage and pictures to make sure they're clear. Trying to get over the horrid bizarreness of the whole situation, I try to think of something since It's obviously not a good idea just to leave the old couple there with a pair of creepy old ladies who're probably suffering from dementia or something. Since it appears they're usually watching him for a half hour or so, I assume they've probably no intent to harm him, but one can never be sure. I pull out my cell and call up his phone, hoping to try to drive them out. Few minutes later, they're shambling away down the street, mannequin grinding against the pavement. I wait until they're out of view before letting out a breath of relief.
The guy doesn't initially believe me when I tell him what happened, but I show him the pictures and video and he goes pale. Despite the definite creep factor involved, he reacts instead by letting out the deepest sigh of relief I think I've ever heard. He mumbles something and I can see tears starting to run down his cheeks. He smiles a little melancholically and thanks me, saying that he has to apologize to his wife for not trusting her and not talking to her about it first.
I'm not entirely sure what happened after, but I assume he took the photos to the someone as the visits stopped happening after that. I'm not sure of the details, but apparently the women had pretty much gone off their rockers due to old age. His wife had given one of them keys in case they ever wanted to come over. I honestly don't understand the logic behind this one, other than she's old, I guess. Either way, I believe the two of them are in a home of some kind, now, and the husband made up with his wife pretty easily.
Cities. Those things we live in.
What city would you never, ever, EVER live in?
These places, while inhabited by a good number of people, aren't exactly the kind of spots you would want to go back to on a repeat visit.
Transformed Into Something Unsettling
"For me, it's Mecca. It's beautiful, but it's just not for an openly gay Western dude like me."
"Same with Tehran."
"Im surprised you think Mecca is beautiful lol. I, along with almost every Muslim I know, hates what has happened to that place. The skyscrapers are extremely ugly (especially that goddam clock tower) and overshadow the beauty of the mosque. Almost all historical sites are gone except for the Kabah. I know they need infrastructure to handle all the people but they did it in the worst way possible."
"Mecca like almost every other Arabian city has turned into places for rich Saudis to show their wealth and almost nothing else."
"Irvington, NJ - My friend told me to run through every red light and not stop at any cost after I dropped her off at her apartment. Her wise words phased me as I stopped at the first red light. 3 seconds later a huge motherf-cker with a crowbar starts heading in my direction. 3 red lights all while screaming toward McCarter Highway."
"The following week my car was stolen while I was attending classes in Newark and they used my car to rob a liquor store in Irvington, NJ. Literally only owned my car for 2 weeks."
"F-ck Irvington, NJ."
The Literal Fast And The Furious
"Cairo, Egypt. 19 million people, 23 million cars, no stoplights. On a 3 lane road, you have 5 lanes of traffic, left shoulder, straddling first white line, middle lane, straddling 2nd white line, and right shoulder! When we visited, our tour guide told us we needed 3 things to drive there…"good brakes, good horns & good nerves!"
Cars are bumper to bumper, and then people are crossing the street in between the cars, walking, in wheelchairs, pushing baby strollers! Then along beside our bus, comes someone riding a donkey! Crazy. Soldiers with machine guns on the street corners, we even had an armed guard on our tour bus."
Then there are some cities, some you might never have visited, which have generated enough discussion and gotten enough publicity to be actively awful in your mind. You don't have to have gone there to know you never want to be there.
A Place To Skip Completely
"Mumbai. Even if I was financially secure, I couldn't stand seeing all the poverty and squalor all the time. It would weigh on me."
"A friend of a friend spent six months riding his motorcycle from London to Chennai. He recorded everything in his journal in excruciating detail except for Mumbai. There was only one sentence about Mumbai. It was about driving around Mumbai. He did everything you could imagine on the way, but decided to skip Mumbai completely."
Not All Of It. Just Some Of It.
"Paris. I used to hate all French people because of my experiences there, and then I met one who explained that there's basically two Frances; Paris and everywhere else, and then we bonded over bad mouthing the place and now my antipathy is more precise."
It's All In The Family
"LA, if you want half quality people, air, and living for double the price and problems, it might be for you"
"I have friends who live in LA, and swear it's awesome. But they actually live in Rancho Palos Verdes, in their parent's mansions."
And then there's cities like these.
Cities so bad an introduction isn't required.
What's Your Excuse?
"The Simpsons summed it up perfectly: "We were born here, what's your excuse?"
"I can laugh at this because I'm from Thunder Bay"
Booze. Sex. Sin. All The Best Family Values.
"Las Vegas. Fun to visit, but not where I'd want to raise my family."
"I think my first realization that people grow up and live in Las Vegas was at 16 or so when watching Criminal Minds and hearing that Spencer Reid grew up there. It was that record scratch moment. Wait, people LIVE IN and raise their babies in the city of sex, sin, and gambling? I felt stupid, of course, upon realizing that all the casino workers and strippers have to live somewhere, and might fall in love, and might marry and have kids."
"And then I had a second life-changing revelation when I realized people probably feel the exact same way about my home city, Miami. I was raised there and lived there for 2 decades. A lot of people have no concept of Miami outside TV and probably think my parents are horrible people who raised me in a den of yachts, Pitbull, cocaine, dirty money, bad boob jobs, and spring breakers. Meanwhile I actually lived in a very normal and boring suburb."
A Slow Decline Over Time
"Gary Indiana. Went through there when heading to O'hare & was not impressed. heard multiple gunshots when driving through."
"So I literally learned about Gary, Indiana from these threads where it always pops up as one of the worst places to live or be. Could you explain why it is so sh-tty?"
"Long story made short, Gary was a good place to live. Nice paying steel industry jobs. That went away. High crime rate, high poverty rate, and empty, falling down buildings everywhere. I used to live in Chicago and would avoid Gary when traveling at all cost."
Each city is different. What works for some might not be what works for others.
However, it does feel like some of these cities need to be at the top of your "Never Visit" list, don't they?
Sex is fun. Sex is healthy. Sex should be enjoyed and always consensual. But often, sex can be dangerous, especially when you're trying out new things, like a new location.
Who hasn't thought about upping the adrenaline ante when it comes to sexytime? We've all been there. But some ideas really should just stay ideas.
Why break a hip or an arm just to make things a little more saucy? Just try a different room in the house, or the backyard, but bring bug spray.
And some areas in public are safety hazards for a reason.
Redditor u/playfulinvestment01 wanted to know about all the places we need to avoid when it's sexytime, by asking:
What is the worst place you had sex?
I can tell you from experience that airplanes are not a good idea. Don't ask me how I know. A lady never kisses and tells, but highlights are ok. There will never be enough room and the movies are lying.
Like Glue...Melissa Mccarthy Falling GIFGiphy
"I lived in Australia for a bit and our studio had this black pleather couch. It looked exactly like that casting couch meme so we tried it for fun once. My ex sweats a lot even when it's not 40C out, but it was and we stuck to the couch like glue."
"On a hike in a wildlife refuge. We went off the trail to a more remote area. Was all fun and games tell I got stung on the penis. Was after the event had ended when I was briefly exposed, the little moron went right at me. We joke about it regularly, I'd say it comes up monthly. Just out of the blue she will say "hey remember when you got stung on your penis?" Yes, I remember and will never forget."
Up a Tree
"A "treehouse" that was actually a plywood shack on 6' stilts. It was pretty old and the plywood was splintery, so he laid down an old towel for me (you know, like a gentleman.) Also it was too small for me to fit in any direction, so my head stuck out the door. I stared at the sky and just... And that's the story of how I lost my virginity! A close second would be the bed in his semi-abandoned house full of the semi-abandoned hoarded belongings of his mother. But that's a different story."
"Met a girl online and we tried to do it at the park. A cop showed up before we started and told us we had to leave. We went back to our cars which was at a small shopping mall. We went behind the shopping mall and got it on behind a dumpster. It worked out well so we met up there again a week later. Except that time, as we were walking away, a dump truck picked the dumpster to empty the trash. Was hilarious at the time but frightening looking back on it. This was about 10 years ago."
Keyed OffPiano Performing GIFGiphy
"I don't recommend on top of a piano. Very uncomfortable and not at all the experience we envisioned."
Scratchy...Screaming The Voice GIF by NBCGiphy
"Bottom of cliff next to the ocean. Turns out I have an allergic reaction to coral and my back was scratched the hell up from it. It was windy, wet, and itchy. Runner up is a movie theatre."
"In a literal smoke house... lost my virginity with about 50 rings of deer sausage hanging around to dry. My friend and his dad were gone and we were like "this seems like a great place!" At least when I went home I smelled like venison instead of sex."
"I'm not sure if this counts because we didn't get very far. But In a Burger King parking lot… He had a car, so we would park it someplace and hook up in the tiny little two-seater. I was sitting astride him and most of my clothes were off when he froze. I looked over my shoulder and the once abandoned parking lot was abandoned no more. A family of four were just staring at us through the windshield. We didn't know what to do so I just put my shirt back on and we drove away."
"we can hear everything"
"My childhood house had an enclosed porch that was level with my parents' bedroom window (it's hard to explain). You couldn't see into the porch from the window, but if the porch windows were open and the bedroom windows were open you could hear everything from either room."
"So my now husband and I were trying to have sex in that porch, having opened the windows cuz it was hot AH. My parents usually never opened their window and it was past ten, when they usually went to sleep. We weren't trying to be loud, but apparently we were."
"After we were done, I checked my phone and I had 5 missed calls and a text from my mother saying "we can hear everything" and "please at least use a condom". We didn't acknowledge it at the time but my mom got drunk a few years ago and told my aunt the story and said she was worried she was hearing the conception of her grandchild."
Ivy!jerry seinfeld help GIF by HULUGiphy
"After a drunken night on 6th st in Austin, girl and I were walking down red river st, she drags me in this bushy grassy area, we go at it, finish, call an Uber to west campus, continue going at it. The next day, we are super itchy, come to find later it was poison ivy, got it all over our genitals. Fun times. 10/10 would do it again though."
Also, be careful when and if you do it on a bus. You're never fully out of the driver's line of sight. Don't ask me how I know, I just do. Be careful out there but have fun.
Being a parent is one of the greatest challenges you'll face.
What did your parents do to you that made you promise that you would never do that to your own children?
You won't be in charge of your child forever. At some point, they're going to go out into the larger world, interact with other people, and suddenly all those little tics and quirks they developed at home will start to hamper their social progress.
Never Able To Hit The Pick-Up Time
"They always had me late or last minute to everything. I'll never do that to my kids because, having it done to me, I know it's all the parents fault."
"That feeling, when you are the last kid to be picked up after a school event that they didn't attend, and my teacher asking if I called, and if she said she was on her way, and how far away we lived, and then a big sigh while we continued to wait, in the dark, outside school, after everyone else has gone home, and me just wanting to disappear."
Forcing Them To Miss Out
"I was never allowed to hang out with friends outside of school. I had to go straight home and couldn't stay and hang out or go over to friends houses after school or on weekends. This went well into my senior year of high school. It sucked constantly feeling like I was missing out growing up."
Definition Of Overprotection
"Isolate them from the world."
"Growing up I see now that they wanted to protect me from how sh-tty things were, but now I feel a useless idiot. If I would've known as a kid that I had violent gang-related family, addicts, or that we were on welfare I could've found a desire to do better."
Taking on the care and responsibility of raising another human being to be a smart, compassionate, and well-meaning member of society shouldn't be easy. It should be a challenge.
Downplaying Their Accomplishments
"My parents never thought anything I did was a big deal. I LOVED art class but I remember showing my mom artwork and she'd tell me she could make that herself, ok thanks."
"Ouch, this brought back a painful memory. I always loved to sing but I was shy. I was also bullied and made fun of quite a bit. In highschool I finally joined choir and it helped me come into my own. I won first place awards at State Solo and Ensemble competition, student of the year in choir and even the Directors Award which was the highest honor given. My mom came to none of my performances. Not until Senior Night when I was the only performer singing a solo. I did the cliche song...Memory from the musical Cats. I got a standing ovation!"
"People who would typically refuse to speak to me approached me to tell me that they never would've dreamed I had that big, powerful, voice in me. I was just about floating with happiness and pride when I walked up to my mom and asked her what she thought. Her face twisted like she'd bit a lemon and she wiped out all my good feelings with the words, "Well, it probably isn't a good song for you. You sound like you were ATTEMPTING to sing opera and it's not supposed to sound like that."
Saying They Don't Quite Stack Up
"Compare them to other kids!!"
"This needs to be higher up. It's soooo insidious. Undermines so much about you, engenders the tendency for you to compare yourself to others, makes you needlessly resent the people they compare you to, but most of all, creates a sense that you'll never measure up or be 'good enough', not just for them, but in general."
Unable To Keep Their Minds At Peace
"The amount of anxiety I have/had from money related things is ridiculous. We were never poor, we were broke they just made bad decision after bad decision putting us in a stupid amount of debt"
Perhaps the most important part to remember when raising a child some adults might forget: You are the adult. Deal with your adult matters and let your child be a child. Don't bring them into your petty squabbles or unresolved affairs.
"My parents refused to address issues between my sister and myself. They hate conflict, so it was easier for them to guilt me into doing whatever my sister wanted and then praise me for being "good" than to ever put her in line. Being praised for always giving up what you want can really mess you up."
Lashing Out At The Other
"My parents were divorced since before I can remember. They did not get along very well when I was a kid. There was one weekend in particular where on the way to drop me off my Dad told me "whatever you do, don't end up like your Mother." Get home to Mom, she tells me "whatever you do, don't end up like your Dad." Best advice either of them ever gave me."
Asking The Child To Be The Adult
"They made their problems into problems for the whole family."
"They pulled us into everything. That's not fair to a kid. F-ck, I was straight out asked to fix things between them sometimes. No kid should be even the remotest bit responsible for their parent's relationship or fixing things that are wrong between them. That's f-cked up."
"We all have problems. We're human. No one expects perfection. But if you have a problem with your wife/husband? Don't bring the kid into it. Don't make it the kids' problem. Don't make the pain of the household -- which they're going to feel anyway -- somehow the kid's fault."
Don't want kids? Don't have kids.
Want kids? Be prepared to do everything you can to make sure that child has a supportive, strong upbringing. Don't let the mistakes of the past become the present.
Animated movies meant for children have been known to sneak in a few dirty jokes here and there. After all, the parents have to sit through the movies with the kids too.
These "Easter eggs" can be found in virtually every movie meant for kids. It may go over our heads when we watch at age 10, but years later when we re-watch to enjoy a bit of nostalgia, we realize just how raunchy the creators were.
It's not just old movies from the 90s or early 2000s, some movies as recent as Frozen 2 have some moments of adult centered levity.
Redditor Pooky135790 wanted to know:
"What are the best adult jokes that are hidden in kids movies?"
These scenes really had us rolling.
Shrek definitely has a few innuendos.
"In Shrek talking about Snow White:"
"'Although she lives with 7 other men, she's not easy.'"
"Gets me every time!"
"The whole Duloc opening scene with the singing puppets. 'Please keep off of the grass, shine your shoes, wipe your…….face.'"
"Also in Shrek: when they get to Farquuad's castle, they note the large size of it, and Shrek asks if Farquuad is compensating for something."
"Kids will think it's a joke about his height."
"Adults will think it's a joke about his other kind of height."Giphy
Cars had plenty of jokes.
"In Cars when the two Miata ladies flash their pop-ups at McQueen"
"I didn't realize for years that that was the connotation."
"Look at that scene again and look at the photographers behind Mia."
"It took me a second but I think the one directly in the middle is zooming in on their posteriors lmfao."
- -Paintlightning mcqueen car GIF by Disney PixarGiphy
"Also the Piston Cup. 'He did what in his cup?!' Funny enough 10 year old me got that and my dad didn't."
Robots had it's fair share of moments.
"In Robots the [father of the] main character and his wife get the parts for their robot child and exclaim, 'Making the baby's the fun part!'"
"Also the old lady bot, Aunt Fanny, has a lot of junk in her trunk."
"There is that one scene from Ratatouille, when Linguini is about to confess about how Remy is in his hat cooking for him, and says 'I... have... a little... tiny...' and right after he says tiny, Collette quickly glances down at his pants. I never even noticed it until someone pointed it out to me because it is pretty subtle and can be easy to miss."
"Seriously the best dick joke in a kid's movie."
"That and the time when the short lil chef guy catches linguini in the pantry and says, 'One can become to familiar with vegetables, you know!'"Giphy
Coco really went there!
"In Coco, everybody laughs when they say Hector died 'choking on chorizo.'"
"'Choking on chorizo' is Mexican slang for sucking d*ck."
"I mean the song Hector sings to his dying friend has the implied, but not spoken, lyrics: 'And her tits they drag on the floor...' (he says 'knuckles' but the guy shouts, 'those aren't the words!')."
What a forgotten gem Monster House was.
"'That's it's uvula!' 'Oh.... So it's a girl house....'"
"Rick and Morty gets a lot of hate around here because of the sh*tty fan base, but Dan Harmon is a genuinely funny writer."
"Could not BELIEVE Dan Harmon was a writer on this 'til I googled Monster House; your point is a good one lol."
Even in Frozen.
"'Foot size doesn't matter' - when Anna from Frozen talks about her fiancé."
"Frozen 2, 'I like you better in leather anyway' when Kristoff dresses up for Anna at the end."
"My boyfriend and roommate and I all watched it and all three of us spat our drinks at that and we all did the 'Did we just hear what we think we heard?' look. Then we laughed for like 10 solid minutes."
Not a movie, but still good.
"There was an episode of Dexter's laboratory where the father kept going on about Dexter's mother's muffin, and saying he only married her for her muffin. The whole episode was filled with innuendo."
"'Your father is a muffin fiend, a muff-o-maniac, just the aroma can make him crazy.' Lol. Had to see it for myself."
"Season 2 ep 18 The Muffin King."
"There was the episode about DeeDee and Dexter having decoder rings! DeeDee says Dexter's club is for big 'I-D-K-S-C' Dexter decodes it, gasps, and says he's gonna tell mom. Lol."Giphy
Children's shows may be for kids entertainment, but they're created by adults. No doubt they're going to slip in a few naughty jokes here and there.
Time to re-watch some old favorites and see what we missed when we were younger.