
Having a baby can be a very exciting time, but also very nerve racking for first time parents. Especially for new dads, who may feel left out of the parenting conversation.
Though, it's actually critical for the child's development to have a positive connection with their children. Having a father figure can help develop emotional regulation skills, cognitive behavioral function, and general health and well-being.
Well, how does a dad really do that? Redditor spektorboi wanted advice from real dads who have been through those early, critical stages of development with their kids.
Reddit user spektorboi asked:
"Dads of Reddit, what's a tip you can give a soon to be father for the first year of fatherhood?"
If you're wondering about keeping calm during crying fits, bonding with your child, or disciplining your child, these are some amazing answers,
Don't fall for it, Dads.
"90% of the toys and accessories 'you must buy' will go unused. It's a cliche but your kid will play with the box more than anything."
"I highly recommend books as it's good learning and bonding time."
- wdd10
"I firmly believe that one of the biggesr things that lead to my mental development is that my parents bought legos for me. When i was little and a choking hazard, they got the jumbo sized blocks. It really helps your imagination and understanding of 3d space and dexterity. They also bought these neoprene foam blocks for the bathtub. There were always things like this to keep me stimulated growing up."
"I graduated from large legos and block sets to tinker toys and link-n-logs and large-piece puzzles, to regular legos and regular jigsaw puzzles, to knex. If they had it back then I probably would have moved on to those kinematic and robotic kits."
Sometimes the toys you buy are influential!
"One of my sons who had (still has) a crazy amount of LEGOs is now an architect doing design & build work. I can't think of a better investment for kids, though I guess the easy bake oven and kitchen set was pretty solid too for one of my other sons with mad culinary skills now…"
It's backed by science!
"Well have I got science for you!! There's a few studies on the influence of childhood play on spatial reasoning in adults. Here's one studying college students, and it basically says that spatial reasoning was better in those "who played action, construction, or sports video games in childhood" or "played with construction-based toys." – doi:10.1130/GES01494.1"
"I started with those big legos too, then moved on to mapping out my lego towns with my My Little Ponies and Barbies, and now if I get drunk and a mahjong rubiks cube is around I tear that shit up."
"Reinforcement of learned skills during crucial developmental periods is what creates most "natural" ability."
- bbbliss
Please, keep calm.
"No matter what happens don't shake the baby."
"And it's absolutely OK to walk away and take a break from a crying baby, if you're feeling frustrated."
If the baby is in a safe place, it's okay to walk away.
"Adding on to this; if you're frustrated and starting to vigorously rock a colicky baby, stop. Put the baby in their crib or somewhere safe. Leave the room, close the door and take a shower. This works for a number of reasons."
"1. The hot water is soothing."
"2. You're probably not on a consistent shower schedule with a colicky baby and you smell."
"3. The sound of the water will drown out the cries, which is a good thing!"
"The baby is safe, it's okay if they cry for 10 minutes while you reset your brain. You can't help them if you are stressed, you have to calm down before you can help."
Be creative with your coping.
"This is seriously great advice. I found myself repeatedly frustrated with a my first daughter had serious gas issues for the first couple months and struggled to sleep at night because of it. She had to be rocked or carried around to fall back asleep - which was tiresome to do night after night. She had no control over it, it just was."
"Lacking any healthier outlet, I sang to her about how I was tired and wanted her to go to sleep. Turns out, she was soother by the singing and I was soothed by letting my frustration out. Find some silly and healthy way of coping - be creative. It worked for me - and helped a lot in terms of bonding."
Former Flat Earthers Explain What Finally Made Them Come Around | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
It's all about perspective.
"Understand that to your child you are a giant. When you get mad, realize that you yelling at the kid is like a 30 foot giant standing over you. Really try to imagine how scary that would be."
"If you do it right you'll picture that every time you get angry and it'll give you some perspective."
"It is all about perspective. A baby/child doesn't know anything. They do not do things to p*ss you off. Be empathetic to their issues. The baby phase is easy as they generally only cry if they're hungry/tired/full nappy. Obviously there are more reasons but generally. Not the rule. If you approach them empathetic to their plight, not only will you be calmer and better equipped emotionally to deal with them long term with more complex issues, but they will want to talk to you in future because of that empathy and showing of compassion regardless of how trivial you may think it is"
Three conditions for saying 'no.'
"Be patient. Every skill you want your child to master needs time to develop and space to flourish. They can't just 'copy' your way of doing things, because they won't make sense to the child the same way they make sense to you."
"Always discipline out of love, never hate! Never forget that you're a parent first and a cool friend last, though."
"I agree. I was very lucky in that I had pretty great parents. I try to emulate mom in a few ways and say no under three conditions: it isn't safe, there isn't time or there isn't money.
"'Daddy can we play outside' isn't something I always want to do, but she's three. How can anyone say no to that? Kids should be outside more! We'll go hit the trampoline or play tag or something."
"If by discipline you mean hitting your child, then just don't. Hitting children is not good for anything. This is recognized in a large number of developed countries and forbidden in a number of countries in Europe."
- madsdyd
"Also, 'discipline' only really works in the moment and only teaches them what not to do (and they can be unclear on generalizing). Yelling at them for drawing on the walls with crayon may make them stop doing that, but won't prevent them from practicing graffito on another wall like praising them for drawing on paper will."
- scolfin
Headphones for crying.
"An excellent pair of noise-cancelling headphones can be a life-saver the first 3-6 months. Not to ignore them obviously, but if you need to walk them around to calm them down it helps A LOT."
"'No baby has ever died from crying' really put it in perspective for me. If you're too frazzled, it's okay to step back for a few minutes to collect yourself and calm down. In fact, it's not just okay, it is what you should do."
"The corollary to this is 'no baby ever fell off the floor.' My wife and I used that one with both our boys if we needed a short break. Put the baby on the floor, go do what you need to (take a breath, go pee, get a drink, prep a bottle, etc) and come back. For the first few months at least, they aren't going anywhere."
Duck and cover!
"When changing diapers:"
"If it's a girl, wipe front to back."
"If it's a boy, assume it's loaded and will unload at anytime and at max range."
"For a boy, wipe his lower belly with a cold wipe before taking off the diaper, most of the time it tricks him into peeing. Most of the time."
"For all other times, leave a washcloth or (if it's not too gross) the nappy/diaper you just removed over the penis as an intercepting shield."
Baby Bonding.
"Lots of good advice already. I have 2 things to add about breast feeding. You can't! But you can help. For the middle of the night feedings, whether planned or unplanned, I would get up, get our daughter, check the diaper, and bring the baby to mom while mom does whatever to make herself comfortable. I nap while they feed. When done, I took her back to bed, checked the diaper and went back to bed where mom was asleep again. Its not much, but my wife appreciated it."
"You can't get that mother/baby feeding bond, but I took a different approach to getting that bonding moment-diaper change! It has to be done, so make it a dad/baby bonding thing. Don't race. Its not the Daytona 500 where seconds count. Play with her/him while you clean them up. Find their feet, their nose. Laugh when they giggle. Bond. Mommy makes the tummy better, dad makes the bottom better. Both are very important to baby. Of course I don't mean you have to change all the diapers, just make the most of it when you do."
"Have fun. Remember, you're not going to be perfect. There's a heck of a learning curve. Babies are tougher than they look, but still delicate."
"Oh, that first morning you wake up and baby slept through the night is scary. You'll be happy when it happens and everybody is fine, but it is scary when it happens."
"The breastfeeding was huge for wife and I. We did it in the babies room, but I made it a point to get up and go with her change the baby's diaper and then hand her to my wife. I laid on the floor and played game boy while wife and baby fed in the rocking chair. Then when all was done swaddled baby back up put her in bed and crawled my a** back in bed with the wife. But also important and you kind of glossed over it."
"Keep calm and relax. All babies are different some are chill AF and some scream all night. Neither one spells doom and gloom. Just do your best to understand that sometimes it's fine to put baby down in a safe place like crib and walk away for a few minutes to regain yourself. Being a first time parent is very hard so try not to listen too much to other people who tell you the baby should do x or y by z date."
"Finally yup. even though my last baby in story above was my second baby to raise and care for first night she slept through terrified me when I woke up."
By the way, don't forget your wife.
"When my wife was breastfeeding she would get super thirsty the moment our baby latched on. Have a glass of water ready when she sits down with the baby."
Though, are we gonna trust someone with a username like Yeeteth_thy_baby?
The first 8 weeks.
"The first 8 weeks are not representative of the overall experience."
"Some people say the first 8 weeks are the hardest. Some people say it gets easier after the first 8 weeks....but that's almost...an oversimplification of the transition to 'parenthood.'"
"What in trying to say is: there will be days during the first 8 weeks that you think things are going badly, don't despair in those sleep deprived emotional moments: you've got this!"
"The first 8 weeks are the most straightforward. They're not easy but pretty standard across babies, for the most part. When they start crawling and walking, then you got problems."
"Oh lord. I look back at those first 8 weeks with envy. So easy. I wasn't working. My husband had lots of holiday. My parents were around. People came to coo over the adorable baby and bring me stuff. And the baby did basically nothing. Eat sleep poop. It stayed where I put it and it didn't sass me. And you're kinda riding the high of the new baby you've been waiting for for so long."
"Then they learn to move. And talk. And all bets are off."
"You settle into routine, real life comes back and you have to actually figure out your schedule properly and work out how to fit the new baby in long term around everything else that hasn't just magically vanished..."
"I'm more exhausted now trying to out logic the damn child and figure out how to be at work and school pickup at the same time!"
There are plenty of tender moments to be had with your new born, even if at times you're ready to throw in the towel. I really appreciate what know_vagrancy had to say:
"Share your stories, connect with others, and don't be afraid to join social circles / groups to connect with other new parents. It makes us realize we are not alone with our struggles."
You're not alone!
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Comedy is in a very tricky place right now.
There is so much to NOT laugh about in this world.
In truth, many of us have forgotten how to laugh.
And certain jokes that are told, make people afraid to laugh.
So what do we do?
We tell inappropriate jokes apparently.
Let's hear some...
Redditor CrewCreation wanted to hear some "risky" comedy. So they asked:
"What’s the best morbid joke you know?"
***WARNING: THIS ARTICLE CONTAINS SENSITIVE MATERIAL. PROCEED WITH CAUTION!***
I can't think of anything hilarious at the moment. Make us LOL.
Lady
"I have this friend, love him to bits, but his wife has a tendency of just constantly showing everyone pictures of their son at every social event. At the start it was understandable, but now I'm just like 'Lady, it's been two years; they're not going to find him.'"
UnoriginalUse
at 9am...
"Not the most morbid but I love Anthony Jeselnik’s story about his neighbor who has Alzheimer’s. 'One of my next door neighbors is a 90 year old man suffering from Alzheimer’s. And every single morning at 9am he knocks on my door and asks me if I have seen his wife.'"
"'Which means that every single morning at 9am I have to explain to a 90 year old man suffering from Alzheimer’s that his wife has been dead for quite some time. Now I’ve thought about moving. I have thought about just not answering my door in the morning. But to be honest, it’s worth it… just to see the smile on his face.”
dreagan021
Comedy?
"Why can't orphans play baseball? They don't know where home is."
GW2RNGR
"Why can't orphans play tennis? They get confused when they hear love."
JayDub506
People who make comedy are evil. LOL.
The Darkness
"Dark humor is like food; not everyone gets it."
storm_the_castle
God Laughs?
"A Holocaust survivor dies and goes to heaven, where she meets God. To break the tension she tells God a joke about the Holocaust, but God doesn’t laugh. The lady shrugs and says 'I guess you had to be there.'"
“'I guess you had to be there' is a common expression used when someone doesn’t laugh at a joke. It means that the comedy may not translate without the context of the situation."
"In this case the Holocaust survivor is saying it, meaning that during the Holocaust God was nowhere to be found. It’s not really a joke about the Holocaust, but the absurdity of belief in a benevolent God. Hilarious right?"
semimillennial
Oh Baby
"How many dead babies does it take to fix a light bulb? More than 3 cause my garage is still dark."
sirnibs3
I don't know whether to laugh or cry. Because I don't know what it says about us as people if we laugh. Oye.
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Life can change in an instant.
It can always change for the better.
Just ask any lottery winner.
Sadly, life can also take a turn for the worst and leave people shattered beyond repair.
Watching someone's life fall apart in a short amount of time is difficult.
You have to wonder if there really is such a thing as karma, bad luck, or Voodoo.
Redditor OkImagination5852 wanted to hear about the times we've been witness to personal disaster. They asked:
"People who witness a person's life crumble in a single day, what happened?"
I have lived through a lot of bad days. But thankfully they've been one disaster at a time days. So I guess I'm lucky.
Horror
"A friend of a friend had his entire family killed overnight. He was from my college and was home visiting his family. His parents, siblings, and extended family were all there together. One night, while they were all asleep, his father got up, took out a gun, and went on a shooting spree. He then killed himself."
"Everyone except this guy died on the spot. When my friend visited him at the hospital, the guy was still in shock. He had no idea why his father did that. This was more than a decade ago, and I have no idea how he's doing now."
DeadOnDeparture98
The IRS Called
"Knew a guy who had a nice house, wife, 3 kids. Machine shop in his garage, Snap On tool truck, sign out front, great mechanic. Never incorporated, didn't pay taxes on his business, cash only. Took nice vacations, bought a boat, then a camper. Five years later, the IRS came. I don't know what they estimated he owed but they seized everything. He lives alone in a trailer now."
Nobody_Wins_13
2 at Once
"My mom’s dad and dad’s mom both died on the same day. Completely unrelated. We were pretty messed up for awhile. It was 2010. Mom's dad had emphysema (lifetime smoker) and was pretty sick for a few weeks. I was in college at the time and came home to be with him, because we knew he was about to pass. Dad's mom was in the nursing home, as she had had a stroke and also had dementia (she often thought I was my dad, she thought we were in the 70s, etc.)."
"She took a turn for the worst, and so my dad left the hospice my grandpa was at and went to be with her. The towns they were in were about an hour apart, so I stayed behind with my mom to comfort her when her dad passed. A few hours go by, and he passes peacefully (huge thanks to the hospice workers for their respect and grace during this time)."
"Within an hour or so of his passing, we get a call from my dad saying that his mother had passed as well. It was a terribly dark day in our family, and the next couple years for me in college were pretty much a blur. Thankfully, things got better in time and we are all doing well now."
She lost everything...
"Her husband left her after previously persuading her to remortgage their house to save his business and he's already made her take multiple credit cards out in her name. She lost everything. He did it the week after their youngest turned 18 so he wouldn't have to pay child support. He'd obviously been planning for years."
Ieatclowns
a black sheep...
"My cousin was in a motorcycle accident with her boyfriend. Her boyfriend died. She broke her back. When she was in the hospital she learned she was pregnant. It's been 16 years and we're still trying our best, she took an all too familiar path of drugs, burning bridges and more pregnancies."
"At this point she's fairly stable and clean as far as I know but a bit of a black sheep. Her mother has custody of all one of her kids. She has her youngest and seems to be doing good by her, but who knows. It's been hard on everyone, especially her mother and her brother."
Paradigm6790
Well this is the stuff of nightmares. I'm grateful for every moment I have alive.
Several lawsuits are filed...
"Here is multiple lives ruined in an instant. A friend was over at some other people house, drugs were involved. They had been playing with a gun. My friend points the gun at a girl, pulls the trigger and shoots her in the head. Girl dies, friend gets locked up until he turns 18. Parents at the house get arrested because they knew what the kids were doing. Friends mom goes into a depression and ends up getting evicted from her house. Several lawsuits are filed."
sentondan
Gone Forever
"It was me... got in a car accident and suffered a traumatic spinal and brain injury that I had no chance of surviving... a 7 vertebrae spinal fusion, yrs of physical and mental therapy... 18 yrs later and the pieces, though many forever gone, are finally coming back together."
2boneskuLL
A Bad Night
"He trashed his fathers vacation house with an axe before setting it on fire, stabbed the neighbor nearly to death, stole their car and then crashed it into a cop car so bad the cops were injured. He also got his girl pregnant, so once he is out of prison they're gonna start a family."
Dumbing_It_Down
"dangerous"
"Pregnant friend found out husband (43) was having an affair with young woman (19) who was a volunteer at their ecolodge. Friend had 'dangerous' pregnancy and had to spend a lot of time in bed. This betrayal destroyed their marriage, split the little town where they lived and caused two employees to quit because witnessing the affair going on was just too painful."
"She had a beautiful baby girl (to go with her other two girls, lol) and after the breakup was clinically depressed. Worked hard and got a divorce (she had a great lawyer); got the business back on track; beat her depression and now is planning a great vacation trip with her girls."
"Meantime, Dad has generous visitation but just 'hasn't gotten around to' buying a car seat so he can pick up the baby and for a long time asked my friend, 'Can you drop the girls off at my Mom's?'"
NoBSforGma
Lost it All...
"Recently, I know of a guy that had borrowed all his family’s life savings for the most part to participate in the whole game stop stock thing happening… he lost every penny of his money (credit card advances), and his parents retirement, and every other dime he could get… it makes me sick to even think of it."
Bangbangsmashsmash
Well those are A LOT of bad days. Good luck to all of you.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/
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Those who are wealthy have the luxury of acquiring the best of the best–whether it's dinner at a Michelin-starred restaurant or status-identifying clothing from Chanel or Yves Saint Laurent.
But even the rich have their limits when it comes to frivolous spending before casting judgment on friends or colleagues.
Curious to hear examples of this, Redditor Sasquatchfl asked:
"Rich people of Reddit, what's the craziest/most unethical thing you've seen people in your circle spend money on?"
Expensive experiences were a priority over prized possessions.
Live Sushi
"An ex worked for Dell in the late 90s/early 2000s. He was pretty high up and there were lots of partiers in his work circle. Went to a party hosted by one of the dellionaires and there was a body sushi girl. I don’t know what was paid to her, but it was one of the most ridiculous things I’ve ever seen."
– 5hrs4hrs3hrs2hrs1mor
Pissing Contest
"Paid a group of homeless guys to only use the bathroom on a competitors business. Eventually bought that place for a massive discount."
– Haboobalub
Let's Work Out
"My mother woke up one morning and said she felt she was way too fat and she wanted to get a treadmill. The treadmill wouldn’t be a problem, but then she saw where it would be and didn’t like the lighting. Fast forward 2 months later there’s a 40k outdoor gym built and connected to the house. She hasn’t used it once."
– Herrera5449_
Taking A Leap
"Travelled with a bunch of ex 'friends' all fairly wealthy."
"First trip to SE Asia together and as an ex-local I was a de-facto tour guide (despite not being there in over a decade)"
"They somehow found and offered a bunch of kids diving off cliffs to jump for spare change."
"They increasingly challenged each other to land their coins as close to the cliff base and small surrounding rocks for the kids to dive for."
– Satakans
It's about the finer things in life.
Expensive Party Gag
"A 3k ouija board from Gwen Paltrow's store. I didn't even know it was a thing until the dude brought it out. I really wanted to cut it up and see what it was made from. Looked nice don't get me wrong but the thing is basically a party gag. For 3 grand, it better summon a demon that's all I'm saying."
– con_this
Slow Burn
"$600 USD for a candle."
– Jeffranks
It's not always about the things you acquire.
Minor Inconvenience
"I know a guy who went to get a new drivers license and had to pay ~$100k in back parking tickets, then joked about it after."
"Apparently he couldn't get a permit to park in front of his house, so he just did anyway, and accepted like a $200 fine everyday."
– melodyze
For A Successful Election
"Not me, but I know a guy who crowd funded (read: threw a bunch of money into, then solicited more at a flea market) $80,000 toward his friend's DA election campaign. The guy won. So far, this has paid back at least $120K in avoided legal fees. I know some rich people. Most of them are more boring than you think. Hell, most of them drive Hondas, Toyotas, and Nissans."
– KP_Wrath
The Lance Corporal
"I was stationed with a Lance Corporal who was wealthy beyond means after selling some of his patents. He owned and piloted four helicopters. Lived in a palatial waterfront house in Jacksonville, NC."
"The cheapest one cost 400K. That's the one he trained on. The most expensive was about 1.2 million. That's 1.2 million 1981 dollars. The two he's got now are about 5 million each."
"Had a floating landing pad out back moored to his dock and another landing pad in the back yard. Kept two helicopters and a Rolls inside his custom-built hangar at Norfolk International Airport."
"He drove a pair of Rolls-Royces. He also toyed with a 900K Miami-Vice type speedboat. He also housed and transported his squad to Camp Lejeune and back in a custom mini-bus."
– ApplicationConnect55
The dude was very giving and lived a very clean life. He'd fly us to Norfolk, pickup the car and we'd do our shopping and eating. Hop in a chopper and return home. He'd fly his fire team down to Miami on weekends. He kept a Limo there and wore a chauffer's outfit and did all the driving.
He bought a full-service and licensed pub in Northern Ireland. He lives there with his wife. Does a lot of charity work there. We still keep in touch."
– ApplicationConnect55
When there's plenty of money going around, there's no need to worry about a single thing.
That peace of mind is a luxury in itself.
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When marriages or relationships fall apart, infidelity is not always the cause.
Curious to hear from strangers online, Redditor Liam_Tang asked:
"People who've divorced, aside from adultery, what were the irreconcilable differences that ended the marriage?"

You think you know a person when you walk down the aisle.
These Redditors were in for a rude awakening.
Pet Neglect
"My wife divorced her ex for many reasons, but the final straw was when she went out of town for a few days, and when she got back he had not fed or given water to the dog. The dog lived a long and happy life after that."
– StrangeCrimes
Obsessed With A Crush
"Not me, but I had an old coworker that divorced his wife for spending their entire savings on candy crush and games of the same type."
– Hexis40
Compatibility Musts
"ITT: Intimacy (sex/romance), beliefs (religion/spirituality/politics), kids, and I haven’t seen it yet but it’s coming: finances."
"The big four. You REALLY need to discuss these things in detail BEFORE getting married."
– rabbiskittles
Physical violence is a legit reason for people to peace out of a relationship.
The Flattening
"She threatened to hit me with a hammer."
– michaelrohansmith
Hitting The Bottle
"She became an abusive alcoholic. It was sad but I had to get out."
– diegojones4
Emotional pain is too damaging to recover from.
Truth Hurts
"She told me as we stood in front of the judge ending our 7 year marriage, 'I never loved you, I just wanted kids.'"
– Pinch_Dogs
Can't Fix Angry
"She was beautiful/smart but an angry angry person. I thought I could be sweet to her and 'fix' that. Heh. She kicked the crap out of me emotionally. Wife II has been a walk in the roses for 32 years now :)"
– lowlandr
A change of heart is worthless if comes too late.
"We Could've Had A Nice Marriage
"He could not understand that my wants and needs were as important as his wants and needs. We tried to make it work for 7 years. During that time, for things that were really important to me, I tried explaining logically, asking nicely, begging, crying, yelling, passive aggressiveness... cycled back through all of these options multiple times."
"(If I knew something was important to him, I would do that. For example, he was really into sports, so I went to all his events, even though that is not at all my thing.) When I finally threw up my hands and told him it was time to get a divorce, he suddenly panicked and said 'What can I do? Do you want me to do half the chores? I'll do it! Do you want me to get a job? I'll do it! Do you want me to buy you presents for your birthday? I'll do it!'"
"So, in other words, he could have been doing that all along, but just couldn't be bothered. That made me so angry. We could have had a nice marriage that we both enjoyed, but no, by the time he saw the light, that ship had sailed."
"We are both happily remarried now (to different people) and I joke that his new wife owes me a thank you note. It was his experience with me that taught him to listen to her and take her needs seriously."
– Bluebird-True
"What Can I Do?"
"My ex was exactly like this. I didn't marry him but when I told him let's break up, he went all like, what can I do? Let's get engaged, let's look at houses, etc. Basically all the pre-marriage topics that we should be discussing about after being together for 7 years."
"I got so angry and straight up told him it's too late... I don't need you anymore."
– gudetarako
As much as a couple wants to stay together, unforeseen circumstances can eventually tear people apart.
Very few people can maintain healthy long-distance relationships.
When a new job opportunity takes a significant other away, would you begrudge them for wanting a better position to earn more money? Or is it better for them to reluctantly turn down the opportunity so they could stay with you? Do either scenarios breed resentment?
These were questions I've often asked myself with past relationships, and my answers varied depending on the person I was with.
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