Life is one of those things that happens whether you want it to or not, which means most of us have at least one moment where we suddenly realize we ended up someplace we never intended.
One Reddit user asked:
What was your worst "what the f**k am I doing with my life" moment?
Oh, you thought you were alone in that? Nope. Not even close.
A lot of the responses ahead mention substance abuse, physical abuse, career dissatisfaction, and some gore. Read ahead with caution.
At Home Alone
Happy Hour Reaction GIFGiphyWhen I got drunk at home, alone, and started vomiting in the bathroom, my vomit red from the wine I drank.
I thought for a second that I am throwing up blood. Spend the next two hours in the bathroom, violently crying.
That was the moment I decided to get therapy. Had a pretty rough time back then.
In therapy now and slowly getting better.
I've been sober for two years and completely forgot that I used to do this too. Jesus Christ. 🤦🏻♀️
Glad to hear you're working on your mental health/ self care. 😊
Higher Education
Working in fast food after graduating college with a 4.0 GPA.
I graduated into the 2008 crash, broadcasting. The iphone also hit around that time which helped speed up the irrelevance and death of radio.
It sucks, but I made a bad bet. Not everyone gets to win.
After I got my degree, the market was so bad that I send 400 résumés and only go 2 calls back.
One was a scam and the other was calling just to wish me good luck (that was kind of nice). I had to work in a clothing store for a while at $6.90 an hour.
I know that feeling man.
After getting fired from a sales job that I took straight out of college (because it was the first thing that was offered to me and I leapt at the thought of a "real job") I found myself working at a coffee shop and living with my parents three years out from graduating college with nearly a 4.0 GPA.
It sucked and old classmates from high school would sometimes come in and I couldn't help but feel embarrassed.
Several years later I'm in a good job that matches my degree and I'm doing well for myself, but it took a little while to get there. And that's ok.
In retrospect though I shouldn't have felt any shame at working at a coffee shop. A job is a job and the idea that I was somehow above it was stupid. But I get what you're saying about just feeling like you went to college for no reason.
Not Crack
When I smoked a piece of floor crumb thinking (hoping) it was a piece of drugs I dropped. No idea what it was, but it was most definitely not drugs.
I was a f*ck up for about 6 years and it took me almost twice that to fix things.
Drugs are bad man. I mean, they are really goddamn amazing, but what they do to you is terrible.
Savior Complex
When I was young, I was crazy in love with a man who told me he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me and then shot himself five days later. It turned my world upside down and gave me a crazy savior complex.
A few years later, I was in a new relationship. He was a full blown alcoholic, unemployed combat veteran with horrendous PTSD, serious mommy issues and other stuff, and I just knew I could save him. I paid all our bills, worked three jobs to keep up with everything, slept about 3 hours a night because I was regularly jostled awake by his night terrors, did all of the housework and emotional labor in the relationship.
I came home from a 14 hour day to find him shaking on the couch next to a trash can full of vomit. Turns out he'd been going through withdrawals all day because he hadn't gotten his morning bottle quick enough. The next round of vomit was bloody, so my little 140 lbs self hailed his 220 lbs ass out to my car and rushed him into the ER. All his vitals were terrible and a nurse pulled me aside when I went to the bathroom to let me know that they didn't think he was gonna make it. They sent him to another bigger hospital to get treated, he asked me to get a few things from the apartment including his phone and meet them there.
When I picked up his phone, he had a whole bunch of messages from his "Auntie" which I opened, thinking I'd update her that he was not doing well and in the hospital.
"Auntie" ended up being his coworker (he was 29). There were flirty messages, dirty messages and pictures.
He survived, but my love for him and respect for myself sure didn't. I didn't leave that night sadly, but did eventually.
I'm Still Not The Same
I was really bad into drugs for a while when I was a teenager. One night while at a camping event, I mixed way too many things.
I couldn't move, think, or speak, and my brain felt like it was literally being rewired. If you can imagine a closed circuit with electricity popping off of it in every direction, that's what my brain felt like. All I could do was lay there while a bunch of rebel flag flying rednecks tried to run our tents over.
I had a panic attack for 10 hours. I finally was able to move enough to lift the blanket and sit up... when I looked down, my legs were covered in blood. Apparently I'd gotten my leg sliced open at some point.
My boyfriend at the time had to carry me to the truck and into the house once we got there. He had to undress me, bathe me, dry me off, and put me in the bed. Here I am 8 years later, and I'm still not the same.
My personality, ability to quickly solve problems on the fly, my memory, etc... everything changed. There was a significant lag in my ability to retain information for a few years. I'm sure I killed a lot of my brain cells that night just being stupid.
I had 0 regard for my life or any of the consequences that I could have potentially had to deal with afterward. I just didn't care.
I never really had issues with anxiety before then. It was out of control for a long time after, and I would often find myself curled up in the fetal position on the floor almost feeling completely paralyzed.
Just Waiting
Meme Reaction GIF by Silicon ValleyGiphyNow really. I'm a mechanic for a firm that handles dangerous chemicals.
The job is fine but I want to do more with my life. I want to see the world and see more interesting things. I get to work at 6 work till 3. Wash and repeat.
I want to see the northern lights. I want to go to the Algarves. I want to sit on a beach with a coffee in my hand after just waking up and seeing my kids play in the sand. Instead I'm paying a house off, making sure the kids fit in our school system by giving him Ritalin and just wasting away and waiting for a diagnosis that's terminal.
It's like being locked in a cage. We bought a caravan and have a car that can pull it were ready to go but you're stuck at home because this pandemic won't let you do anything. We're not allowed to drive anywhere or over night anywhere at the min and it's like being in a cage.
I see loads of mates getting cancer or what ever some have died and I feel like I'm doing them disservice not living my life to the full, and that they'd loved to have been able to carry on living. Depressing but hey.
Ugly Devotion
Realizing I was the toxic one.
It's far too easy to fall into the grasp of obsession and hatred. I fumed at the mention of other people being abusive to others... and remained ignorant that I was exactly the same. I'm better now, I think. I hope.
Devotion can be beautiful, but can just as easily be an ugly, pitiful thing.
HEROES
I was living in Alabama in 2006, desperately trying to clean a mess my autistic 3-year-old had made on the kitchen floor before my abusive ex-husband got home from work. My ex had basically kept me from pursuing a career or furthering my education, and was isolating me from any friends that weren't his.
It was the middle of summer, and I felt gross and sweaty and hated being on my hands and knees scrubbing the kitchen floor.
My daughter was an excellent reader, although she only ever spoke things that she read. She brought over a TV guide from the living room which had a full two-page spread advertising the show HEROES before its pilot premiered.
"Some people are meant for something more," she read. "Are YOU meant for something more?"
My ex tried to kill me 2 years after this story. I fled Alabama with my kid and spent a lot of time in poverty.
But I taught myself the skills to enter an amazing industry, I remarried an incredible person who does most of the cleaning, and my autistic daughter just got accepted to Oxford.
My ex hasn't tried to see or communicate with (or support) his kid since she was 6 years old, but it's a small price to pay to never have to think about him.
A Different Field Of Employment
I am a registered EMT. The worst day of my life was a call I took when I was the lead EMT on the scene ie. I was in charge of telling the other EMTs what to do and all around was in control of the incident.
It was in a small public women's bathroom. I walked in and was immediately greeted by a woman screaming in a bathroom stall. I walked to the stall door and opened it. I froze.
There was a woman sitting on the floor covered in blood with an umbilical cord hanging out of her attached to an unresponsive newborn laying face down in the toilet.
The woman's screaming continued and I just stood there frozen the color drained completely from my face. I did absolutely nothing and was being to get tunnel vision when a more experienced EMT that was with me realize what was happening.
He pushed me out of the way and began shouting orders to the other EMTs.
The woman then went unresponsive due to blood loss and the absence of her screams helped me snap back to life and fulfill my duties. The baby did not make it however the woman did.
Here's the twist. All of this took place during my practical evaluations for my EMT classes. The entire situation was fake, the woman was an actor, the blood and gore was all done by professional makeup artists and I knew all of this when I entered the scene.
Still with all that I completely froze and couldn't do anything. I still ended up passing my evaluations and got certified but after that I decided to enter a different field of employment.
Logical Sense
Issa Rae Reaction GIFGiphyWas engaged to a man who was financially, emotionally and occasionally physically violent, all in front of our 2 yo daughter.
Then I met a man who asked me why I stayed. I couldn't come up with an answer that made logical sense.
I packed our stuff up and moved back in with my dad. BEST decision ever! Ended up marrying the other guy and now have a beautiful home, healthy relationship and another kiddo.
Tenure
I was a grad student working long hours to become a professor some day.
Then my advisor, who is much smarter than I am, who sacrificed having a family and basically never took any down time was denied tenure. When that happens, not only do you not get the brass ring, you actually are FIRED and have to search for a new job.
I had been focused on my research, sacrificing MANY MANY things I was interested in but had no time for. I saw that and that's when I said what the f**k am I doing?"
I finished my PhD and quit. Went into business instead. Made lots of money and have a great family life.
Tenure track is racket. It's a way to get highly skilled cheap labor. If you divide the salary by the hours it's not even minimum wage and no job security unless you win the prize.
Complications
Yesterday. Today. Day before. All three.
My dad's going to die today.
He got Covid, started to recover, hospital tried to put in a central line. Failed.
He started bleeding internally and wouldn't clot. He couldn't breathe so they put him on a ventilator. Somewhere during and after all that, he had two seizures.
I asked the doctor what the f*ck happened. He says, "complications from covid."
I ask him where the bleeding is from. He says "All over. We don't know."
I hear from other people that it started after they tried to put in the central line. His blood just refuses to clot.
They pump 10 units of blood through him. Won't clot. Unconscious, won't regain consciousness. They're going to take him off life support in 8 hours.
I'm 40 years old. I have no wife. No children. I rent a room out of a house near work.
At my age, my dad had a wife, three children, and a home. For all his faults, I look at where he was, where I am, and at the only things that really matter.
I do not measure up.
I am my father's son and I am a failure.
He is about to pass and, in my eyes, I am only and will ever be a disappointment to him. He will never know anything else.
- JereRB
Bean Bag Black Hole
After losing our daughter, my husband and I couldn't sleep in our (former) bedroom anymore. We had it set up so she was sleeping in the same room. Sids is a nightmare from which you never wake up, as much as months of screaming "it isn't real" and begging each other to answer when we'd really wake up would make you think just maybe it is.
Anyway.
We slept on an old, lumpy, horribly uncomfortable black bean bag chair pulled into the living room/common space that a housemate had brought when they moved in quite some time prior. We slept on that pit of depression for four(?) months fucking up our backs and frankly, hoping we wouldn't wake up.
Covid hit RIGHT after her death so social distancing was a blessing and a curse as it was an extra reason to lay there mindlessly watching lets plays because we couldn't cope with the silence of a house that no longer held the cries of a newborn.
One day, we couldn't do it anymore. Someone gave us a new bed they no longer needed because we couldn't even look at the one we used prior, a reminder of days when we'd sit on it and hold her. When we got that bed, I remember staring at that beanbag in horror, wondering how much time we'd truly spent laying on it in a fog of alternating apathy and inconsolable pain; wondering how much we could have been doing if we didn't let it suck us in, like a black hole.
Because that's what it was. It was a black hole of depression manifested into the most uncomfortable "bed" this world has ever seen.
So much time zombified. Not eating, not sleeping, staying up and pulling blankets down from his face and making sure he was breathing every night.
That was the most I think I could bring myself to do then, besides mindlessly clean the bathroom and stare at food in cabinets I couldn't make myself eat.
We dragged that thing outside and literally tore it apart, filling six trash bags with what ended up being cut up foam chunks of various hardness (some like bricks, some soft as a bunny, all sizes in completely hacked up and jagged shapes).
It was liberating. It was gutting the misery that gutted us.
We didn't start acting like real people and DOING things again until we set the bed up.
Our old bedroom is still unused outside of a place to contain dressers. Our daughter's dresser is in another room and always was, it's become more of a memorial. The pack and play is covered up kept near her dresser.
We're expecting another child in late spring, though all the girl clothes won't do us very much good (I doubt he'd appreciate seeing baby photos dressed head to toe in pink hand me downs from other moms when he gets older regardless of how much I care about gendered clothing and how bullshit a concept that is).
My dad has been holding onto the other baby stuff in his basement for us. We didn't expect to have another child so soon nor do we see him as a replacement which I'd like to make very clear, though for some time I do recall we'd look at each other and whisper we would feel as empty as our arms until there was someone we could hold again. Besides our lizards, who are very helpful and loving boys that brought us all the snugs we could ever need before it all happened and after.
I don't know how they feel about having a little brother who is twice/three times their size soon, but I'm sure they'll be okay with it.
Her birthday would have been Saturday. On this day last year I went into the hospital to begin a very stubborn induction. It's not an easy week, but god damn. We learned to move forward when we ditched that fucking thing, we're people again, we've been making significant progress in life. We've come a long way.
I didn't know how badly I needed to write this out tonight. Thank you, OP. This was extremely cathartic.
Get Up
A couple years ago, while taking a walk through a park I spotted a homeless guy that didn't look right, slumped against a tree. Went to investigate and found that he was likely OD'd.
I tried chest compression to get his heart going as I called the authorities. Nobody came.
I ended up waiting by the tree with the guy for a couple hours in the rain.
I just remember sitting next to him, thinking about a lot of things. I ended up looking over my life up to that point, and decided again that I had to keep trying and get up.
Monotone
every day I sit in front of my work laptop, I regularly ask myself "wtf am I doing with my life?" and it's incredibly weird because on paper, everything is going great with my life, all things considered.
I just don't get it.
From time to time I'll get lit, and same thing, the thoughts come back. WTF am I doing with my life?
All my life I thought "I love the idea of programming, getting paid well and sitting in front of a pc instead of working outside!"
Now that I am exactly in this situation, I'm not that happy as I thought. Yes there are some good days, but all around life seems kinda ... monotone.
Not Equipped
Probably not the worst, but it was a milestone.
As a grown, single woman, dating a single man, I found myself hiding in his room from his housemate because of his religious/sexual hangups.
I asked myself what the f*ck I was doing with my life and resolved then to stop dating men who weren't actually equipped to be in a relationship.
Chronic
I was watching porn of something I'm not even remotely attracted to. I happened to see my reflection and everything changed.
I used to masturbate 5-12x a day like it was nothing. It got so bad I didn't have to be hard to orgasm. It was like my unit knew. I was sore for a good month.
After seeing my reflection, I started following "no fap" expecting I'd get superpowers and suddenly have more focus and confidence, etc.
Very quickly I realized that sh*t was absolutely NOT working and I eventually just gathered my courage and started talking to girls and stopped being a little b*tch about it.
I socialized more, talked more, and eventually got a girlfriend and had sex. I moved on from multiple times a day chronic masturbation.
It was bad bro. All I did was play video games at least 18 hours a day and the other part was spent beating and sleeping. I was so compulsive I even muted my mic mid game just to do it. It was terrible.
Experiencing death is a fascinating and frightening idea.
Who doesn't want to know what is waiting for us on the other side?
But so many of us want to know and then come back and live a little longer.
It would be so great to be sure there is something else.
But the whole dying part is not that great, so we'll have to rely on other people's accounts.
Redditor AlaskaStiletto wanted to hear from everyone who has returned to life, so they asked:
"Redditors who have 'died' and come back to life, what did you see?"
Sensations
Happy Good Vibes GIF by Major League SoccerGiphy"My dad's heart stopped when he had a heart attack and he had to be brought back to life. He kept the paper copy of the heart monitor which shows he flatlined. He said he felt an overwhelming sensation of peace, like nothing he had felt before."
PeachesnPain
Recovery
"I had surgical complications in 2010 that caused a great deal of blood loss. As a result, I had extremely low blood pressure and could barely stay awake. I remember feeling like I was surrounded by loved ones who had passed. They were in a circle around me and I knew they were there to guide me onwards. I told them I was not ready to go because my kids needed me and I came back."
"My nurse later said she was afraid she’d find me dead every time she came into the room."
"It took months, and blood transfusions, but I recovered."
good_golly99
Take Me Back
"Overwhelming peace and happiness. A bright airy and floating feeling. I live a very stressful life. Imagine finding out the person you have had a crush on reveals they have the same feelings for you and then you win the lotto later that day - that was the feeling I had."
"I never feared death afterward and am relieved when I hear of people dying after suffering from an illness."
rayrayrayray
Free
The Light Minnie GIF by (G)I-DLEGiphy"I had a heart surgery with near-death experience, for me at least (well the possibility that those effects are caused by morphine is also there) I just saw black and nothing else but it was warm and I had such inner peace, its weird as I sometimes still think about it and wish this feeling of being so light and free again."
TooReDTooHigh
This is why I hate surgery.
You just never know.
Shocked
Giphy"More of a near-death experience. I was electrocuted. I felt like I was in a deep hole looking straight up in the sky. My life flashed before me. Felt sad for my family, but I had a deep sense of peace."
Admirable_Buyer6528
The SOB
"Nursing in the ICU, we’ve had people try to die on us many times during the years, some successfully. One guy stood out to me. His heart stopped. We called a code, are working on him, and suddenly he comes to. We hadn’t vented him yet, so he was able to talk, and he started screaming, 'Don’t let them take me, don’t let them take me, they are coming,' he was scared and yelling."
"Then he yelled a little more, as we tried to calm him down, he screamed, 'No, No,' and gestured towards the end of the bed, and died again. We didn’t get him back. It was seriously creepy. We called his son to tell him the news, and the son said basically, 'Good, he was an SOB.'”
1-cupcake-at-a-time
Colors
"My sister died and said it was extremely peaceful. She said it was very loud like a train station and lots of talking and she was stuck in this area that was like a curtain with lots of beautiful colors (colors that you don’t see in real life according to her) a man told her 'He was sorry, but she had to go back as it wasn’t her time.'"
Hannah_LL7
"I had a really similar experience except I was in an endless garden with flowers that were colors I had never seen before. It was quiet and peaceful and a woman in a dress looked at me, shook her head, and just said 'Not yet.' As I was coming back, it was extremely loud, like everyone in the world was trying to talk all at once. It was all very disorienting but it changed my perspective on life!"
huntokarrr
The Fog
"I was in a gray fog with a girl who looked a lot like a young version of my grandmother (who was still alive) but dressed like a pioneer in the 1800s she didn't say anything but kept pulling me towards an opening in the wall. I kept refusing to go because I was so tired."
"I finally got tired of her nagging and went and that's when I came to. I had bled out during a c-section and my heart could not beat without blood. They had to deliver the baby and sew up the bleeders. refill me with blood before they could restart my heart so, like, at least 12 minutes gone."
Fluffy-Hotel-5184
Through the Walls
"My spouse was dead for a couple of minutes one miserable night. She maintains that she saw nothing, but only heard people talking about her like through a wall. The only thing she remembers for absolute certain was begging an ER nurse that she didn't want to die."
"She's quite alive and well today."
Hot-Refrigerator6583
Well let's all be happy to be alive.
It seems to be all we have.
Trying to lose weight is a struggle understood by many people regardless of size.
The goal of reaching a healthy weight may seem unattainable, but with diet and exercise, it can pay off through persistence and discipline.
Seeing the pounds gradually drop off can also be a great motivator and incentivize people to stay the course.
Those who've achieved their respective weight goals shared their experiences when Redditor apprenti8455 asked:
"People who lost a lot of weight, what surprises you the most now?"
Redditors didn't see these coming.
Shiver Me Timbers
"I’m always cold now!"
– Telrom_1
"I had a coworker lose over 130 pounds five or six years ago. I’ve never seen him without a jacket on since."
– r7ndom
"140 lbs lost here starting just before COVID, I feel like that little old lady that's always cold, damn this top comment was on point lmao."
– mr_remy
Drawing Concern
"I lost 100 pounds over a year and a half but since I’m old(70’s) it seems few people comment on it because (I think) they think I’m wasting away from some terminal illness."
– dee-fondy
"Congrats on the weight loss! It’s honestly a real accomplishment 🙂"
"Working in oncology, I can never comment on someone’s weight loss unless I specifically know it was on purpose, regardless of their age. I think it kind of ruffles feathers at times, but like I don’t want to congratulate someone for having cancer or something. It’s a weird place to be in."
– LizardofDeath
Unleashing Insults
"I remember when I lost the first big chunk of weight (around 50 lbs) it was like it gave some people license to talk sh*t about the 'old' me. Old coworkers, friends, made a lot of not just negative, but harsh comments about what I used to look like. One person I met after the big loss saw a picture of me prior and said, 'Wow, we wouldn’t even be friends!'”
"It wasn’t extremely common, but I was a little alarmed by some of the attention. My weight has been up and down since then, but every time I gain a little it gets me a little down thinking about those things people said."
– alanamablamaspama
Not Everything Goes After Losing Weight
"The loose skin is a bit unexpected."
– KeltarCentauri
"I haven’t experienced it myself, but surgery to remove skin takes a long time to recover. Longer than bariatric surgery and usually isn’t covered by insurance unless you have both."
– KatMagic1977
"It definitely does take a long time to recover. My Dad dropped a little over 200 pounds a few years back and decided to go through with skin removal surgery to deal with the excess. His procedure was extensive, as in he had skin taken from just about every part of his body excluding his head, and he went through hell for weeks in recovery, and he was bedridden for a lot of it."
– Jaew96
These Redditors shared their pleasantly surprising experiences.
Shopping
"I can buy clothes in any store I want."
– WaySavvyD
"When I lost weight I was dying to go find cute, smaller clothes and I really struggled. As someone who had always been restricted to one or two stores that catered to plus-sized clothing, a full mall of shops with items in my size was daunting. Too many options and not enough knowledge of brands that were good vs cheap. I usually went home pretty frustrated."
– ganache98012
No More Symptoms
"Lost about 80 pounds in the past year and a half, biggest thing that I’ve noticed that I haven’t seen mentioned on here yet is my acid reflux and heartburn are basically gone. I used to be popping tums every couple hours and now they just sit in the medicine cabinet collecting dust."
– colleennicole93
Expanding Capabilities
"I'm all for not judging people by their appearance and I recognise that there are unhealthy, unachievable beauty standards, but one thing that is undeniable is that I can just do stuff now. Just stamina and flexibility alone are worth it, appearance is tertiary at best."
– Ramblonius
People Change Their Tune
"How much nicer people are to you."
"My feet weren't 'wide' they were 'fat.'"
– LiZZygsu
"Have to agree. Lost 220 lbs, people make eye contact and hold open doors and stuff"
"And on the foot thing, I also lost a full shoe size numerically and also wear regular width now 😅"
– awholedamngarden
It's gonna take some getting used to.
Bones Everywhere
"Having bones. Collarbones, wrist bones, knee bones, hip bones, ribs. I have so many bones sticking out everywhere and it’s weird as hell."
– Princess-Pancake-97
"I noticed the shadow of my ribs the other day and it threw me, there’s a whole skeleton in here."
– bekastrange
Knee Pillow
"Right?! And they’re so … pointy! Now I get why people sleep with pillows between their legs - the knee bones laying on top of each other (side sleeper here) is weird and jarring."
– snic2030
"I lost only 40 pounds within the last year or so. I’m struggling to relate to most of these comments as I feel like I just 'slimmed down' rather than dropped a ton. But wow, the pillow between the knees at night. YES! I can relate to this. I think a lot of my weight was in my thighs. I never needed to do this up until recently."
– Strongbad23
More Mobility
"I’ve lost 100 lbs since 2020. It’s a collection of little things that surprise me. For at least 10 years I couldn’t put on socks, or tie my shoes. I couldn’t bend over and pick something up. I couldn’t climb a ladder to fix something. Simple things like that I can do now that fascinate me."
"Edit: Some additional little things are sitting in a chair with arms, sitting in a booth in a restaurant, being able to shop in a normal store AND not needing to buy the biggest size there, being able to easily wipe my butt, and looking down and being able to see my penis."
– dma1965
People making significant changes, whether for mental or physical health, can surely find a newfound perspective on life.
But they can also discover different issues they never saw coming.
That being said, overcoming any challenge in life is laudable, especially if it leads to gaining confidence and ditching insecurities.