We all know public restrooms can be a nightmare. You never know if they are constantly being cleaned – if at all – no matter where you have to go do your business.
As much as many of us would choose to relieve ourselves in the comfort and privacy of our own home when duty calls, sometimes we are left with no choice but to brave using public facilities.
So one time, in band camp, I had to do a number one during a lazy river outing. I saw a portapotty on the shore, so I had my comrades paddle over to dry land so I can get out. I should have just peed in the river. 
I opened the door to the lone commode – and horror of horrors – I saw a fecal mountain towering majestically above seat level. Needless to say, I had to go so badly, I added to the moat surrounding the colossal muck.
I wish I can flush that memory from existence.
Redditor Reddit807 asked:
"What's the worst thing you've ever seen in a public toilet?"
Let's just say, this thread did not disappoint. Just make sure your food is digested before continuing.
Assault On The Senses
"Diarrhea on the toilet seat and walls- it was horrible. Smelled atrocious."
– slekrons
"But how did it taste?"
– MechanicalHorse
Reaching New Heights
"Saw this in the JetBlue terminal at SEA a few years ago. How the hell do you get it that high up the walls and not on yourself!?"
– alinroc
Roofing
"A poop outline on the roof as if a log had be thrown up with force directly after being excreted. Imagine those art handprints kids do with paint but brown and in the shape of a meaty finger."
– Dregoralive
Swedish Meatball
"Some one had made a sh*t on the floor and put a tiny flag of Sweden on top of it...."
– Shejku
"If it was at a grocery store, my money is on a scenario where they were giving free samples of Swedish meatballs with the flag as a toothpick."
Big Mass
"Sh*t. Lots of shit. Sh*t in places where shit is not supposed to go. In a public toilet there's a specific place for sh*t and people somehow manage to miss it. It's almost like they were aiming anywhere but the toilet."
– BigD1970
jurassic park deal with it GIF
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Crime Scene
In some cases, the discovery in a public bathroom were more grim.
Splattered In DNA
"A turd covered in blood about the size of my forearm peaking out of the toilet blood was all over the toilet bowl it was insane. Actually had a safety meeting on it the next day."
– Eviltotes
Final Destination
"Dead body...OD victim in a bathroom at a nature preserve. Had been deceased at least a few days. In 90+ degree heat in the summer."
– Shimmybaby84
At The Bus Stop
"When I was 17, I went to use the bathroom at the Greyhound bus stop and found a homeless guy who had died. That was a pretty crazy experience."
How He Got A Free Bus Ticket
"Well, I went into the bathroom, opened the stall door and saw a dead man with his pants around his ankles, his head propped up against the wall."
"I screamed bloody murder, ran out of the bathroom and into some dude about to go in, yelled, 'DON'T GO IN THERE!', made it to the ticket counter, yelled something like, 'there's a dead man in the bathroom!' and calmed down enough to be able to give a report to the police."
"On the plus side, I got a free round trip ticket from Dallas to Amarillo out of the deal, so I had that going for me, at least."
Nothing To Do With Poop
Aside from the occasional corpse, some people found things that had nothing to do with excrement.
For Love Of The Game
"An earring with part of an ear still attached. It was in San Francisco after a superbowl one year. I was visiting for work, and thought I'd head to a bar. I went to the bathroom, and it was absolutely trashed. Two urinals were broken off the wall, doors were torn off the hinges, trash was all over the floor, and an earring with a big chunk of flesh. People were going insane over that game."
– efluxr
You Better Watch Out
"A freakin Christmas tree standing in the toilet. It was fully decorated. In June."
– martianruby
"Christmas had passed."
– IAmWeary
The next time you are out in public and you MUST use the restroom, know that you may encounter any of the scenarios listed above.
Because even a fancy restaurant is not bereft of irresponsible, careless, and drunk patrons who will excrete whatever from any of their orifices and then flee the crime scene with the expectation that an employee will clean up their mess.
Check, please.
Ordering food or, for the time being, enjoying a socially distanced lunch at an establishment is convenient, but it can take a toll on your wallet.
So what options are there?
Fortunately, there are plenty of them that do not involve nuking a frozen entree.
Strangers on the internet shared their amateur culinary wisdom when Redditor SandandS0n asked:
"What's your go-to under 5 minute meal?"
These dinner selections are super sufficient.
In Case You Didn't Know
"Quesadilla. super quick and easy to make and there's a ton of ingredients that you can add without much effort that will make it even better."
– Arcinbiblo12
Noodling Around
"Ramen and an egg, but not the traditional way."
- "Boil roughly half an inch of water (we want just enough water to boil the noodles, with very little water left over when it's done boiling)."
- "Smash up the ramen noodles, while still in the package (optional but cooks MUCH faster)."
- "Open the package and remove the seasoning."
- "Dump the noodles in."
- "While boiling, crack an egg and whisk in a small bowl."
- "Noodles should be done and almost all the water should be gone, if not strain out some.
- Remove from the heat."
- "Slowly pour in the egg while mixing very quickly, try not to let the egg touch the pan."
- "Mix as much of the seasoning packet as you like (I prefer 1/2 - 3/4 because I usually add a salty component at the end.)"
- "Add to bowl and top with some chives, thinly sliced, ripped up ham/salami and/or parsley. Leftover bacon or pancetta are fantastic crunchy components to dial up the texture."
"Easy, fast and checks so many of the 'munchie' boxes for me."
noodles ramen GIF by HUANG'S WORLDGiphyDon't Underestimate Soups
"Tomato soup and add tortellini. I like the spinach ones from Trader Joe's and Progreso creamy tomato with basil. It's bomb and it really makes a decent meal."
– ambernoodle
For people in a rush, these tasty snacks would suffice.
Goes Well With Veggies And Cheese
"Hummus is such an underrated food. It goes well with a lot of veggies and breads and chips or heck even cheese. All the time I hear hummus being listed as one of those weird, gross foods when its actually an amazing snack, or a meal if done correctly. It's not really unhealthy, either, especially if eaten with veggies (celery and carrots go great with hummus)."
Ready In Seconds
"All I do is get a paper towel, and put 5 Oreos on it."
– KeengPeach
"Then go back and get the whole package."
Peanut Butter Fantasies
"Peanut butter sandwich."
– IgnoreMe733
"If I'm feeling extra froggy I'll add nutella to the peanut butter and honey sandwich and put it in the microwave for 30 seconds. Goes down about as well as a popeye's biscuit though."
– saluki352
Nature's Candy
"Fruit."
"It's like cheating the system. You eat sweets and call it healthy."
Start your day without all the hassle of a fancy breakfast.
Put It In A Bowl
"Oatmeal or cereal."
– essa618
"Cereal is definitely underrated as a meal outside of the breakfast dynamic."
– johndavidcard
Thanks, Nonna!
"A very simple recipe my grandma prepared for me when i was a kid."
"It's basically scrambled eggs...but before adding the egg she would cook sweetcorn (from a can) with a little bit of butter, add the eggs and then when the eggs were almost ready, add small cubes of cheese and cook for a minute or until the cheese start to melt (she was using fontal, but any swiss or white cheddar will do). Just a little black pepper and salt."
"Takes 5 minutes to do but it's absolutely delicious, fill you up, not so unhealthy and I feel my late grandma with me."
'I tried variations with chives or spring onions, paprika or other stuff. Still good but nothing as good as a simple "uova strapazzate con mais e formaggio.'"
"Grazie nonna"
– Xelorath
I consider yogurt a healthy snack/lunch option.
I like having a bowl of non-fat plain Greek yogurt with raspberries, blueberries, sprinkled with granola and drizzled with honey.
It's packed with nutrients and gives me a nice boost of energy.
Yogurt also makes for a perfect chip dip. I sprinkle some onion soup mix and stir in the mixture. Who knew quick and easy food prep could be so delicious?