We all know public restrooms can be a nightmare. You never know if they are constantly being cleaned – if at all – no matter where you have to go do your business.
As much as many of us would choose to relieve ourselves in the comfort and privacy of our own home when duty calls, sometimes we are left with no choice but to brave using public facilities.
So one time, in band camp, I had to do a number one during a lazy river outing. I saw a portapotty on the shore, so I had my comrades paddle over to dry land so I can get out. I should have just peed in the river. 
I opened the door to the lone commode – and horror of horrors – I saw a fecal mountain towering majestically above seat level. Needless to say, I had to go so badly, I added to the moat surrounding the colossal muck.
I wish I can flush that memory from existence.
Redditor Reddit807 asked:
"What's the worst thing you've ever seen in a public toilet?"
Let's just say, this thread did not disappoint. Just make sure your food is digested before continuing.
Assault On The Senses
"Diarrhea on the toilet seat and walls- it was horrible. Smelled atrocious."
– slekrons
"But how did it taste?"
Reaching New Heights
"Saw this in the JetBlue terminal at SEA a few years ago. How the hell do you get it that high up the walls and not on yourself!?"
– alinroc
Roofing
"A poop outline on the roof as if a log had be thrown up with force directly after being excreted. Imagine those art handprints kids do with paint but brown and in the shape of a meaty finger."
Swedish Meatball
"Some one had made a sh*t on the floor and put a tiny flag of Sweden on top of it...."
– Shejku
"If it was at a grocery store, my money is on a scenario where they were giving free samples of Swedish meatballs with the flag as a toothpick."
Big Mass
"Sh*t. Lots of shit. Sh*t in places where shit is not supposed to go. In a public toilet there's a specific place for sh*t and people somehow manage to miss it. It's almost like they were aiming anywhere but the toilet."
– BigD1970
jurassic park deal with it GIF
Giphy
Crime Scene
In some cases, the discovery in a public bathroom were more grim.
Splattered In DNA
"A turd covered in blood about the size of my forearm peaking out of the toilet blood was all over the toilet bowl it was insane. Actually had a safety meeting on it the next day."
Final Destination
"Dead body...OD victim in a bathroom at a nature preserve. Had been deceased at least a few days. In 90+ degree heat in the summer."
At The Bus Stop
"When I was 17, I went to use the bathroom at the Greyhound bus stop and found a homeless guy who had died. That was a pretty crazy experience."
How He Got A Free Bus Ticket
"Well, I went into the bathroom, opened the stall door and saw a dead man with his pants around his ankles, his head propped up against the wall."
"I screamed bloody murder, ran out of the bathroom and into some dude about to go in, yelled, 'DON'T GO IN THERE!', made it to the ticket counter, yelled something like, 'there's a dead man in the bathroom!' and calmed down enough to be able to give a report to the police."
"On the plus side, I got a free round trip ticket from Dallas to Amarillo out of the deal, so I had that going for me, at least."
Nothing To Do With Poop
Aside from the occasional corpse, some people found things that had nothing to do with excrement.
For Love Of The Game
"An earring with part of an ear still attached. It was in San Francisco after a superbowl one year. I was visiting for work, and thought I'd head to a bar. I went to the bathroom, and it was absolutely trashed. Two urinals were broken off the wall, doors were torn off the hinges, trash was all over the floor, and an earring with a big chunk of flesh. People were going insane over that game."
– efluxr
You Better Watch Out
"A freakin Christmas tree standing in the toilet. It was fully decorated. In June."
"Christmas had passed."
– IAmWeary
The next time you are out in public and you MUST use the restroom, know that you may encounter any of the scenarios listed above.
Because even a fancy restaurant is not bereft of irresponsible, careless, and drunk patrons who will excrete whatever from any of their orifices and then flee the crime scene with the expectation that an employee will clean up their mess.
Check, please.
Curious to hear about some of the more creepy indiscretions people get away with, Redditor Flytechofficial asked:
"What is perfectly legal, but creepy as hell?"
These things that happen in public restrooms can be considered criminal.
Respecting Splash Zones
"Using the urinal next to me when there were plenty of other choices."
Nightmare For The Pee-Shy
"hanging out in a public bathroom timing how long people pee."
Bad Timing
"I swear to God. I did a lot of work in hospitals for a while, big f'king hospitals with tons of bathrooms all over the place. For some God damned reason, regardless of what time or bathroom I selected to take a sh*t in not 30 seconds after I sat down a janitor would knock on the door to clean the bathroom. It's not as if it was one janitor, just some random janitor would inevitably need to clean whatever bathroom I was in as soon as I got comfy. It's like I was being stalked by the janitors."
"So now I'm trying to take a sh*t knowing full well there's somebody out there actively timing how long it takes."
Looky-Loo
"I was drunk in a casino and went to use the washroom. The floors in there were a polished marble or something. Sitting on the toilet, pants down, my stall neighbour made eye contact with me on the reflective floor tile."
The following examples involving minors have no legal repercussions.
Outside Watchers
"Technically, you can stand on the sidewalk and stare into someone's house through a window. It's not illegal as long as you stay off of their property, but it's really freaking creepy."
Keeping Tabs On Someone's Age
"A national newspaper having a countdown for when a child actress becomes 'legal' for sex."
"Answers to questions that will surely come. ....Yes. The Sun (UK). Emma Watson."
– pdirth
The Young Subjects
"When I was a child, we had a creepy horrible neighbor that would harass my family constantly. One of the things he did was stand at the corner of his yard and videotape me playing in a pool with my friends (we were around 8). My parents called the police but were told that it's legal if he's on his property."
These perfectly harmless examples can give you goosebumps.
Macabre
"Hanging your doll collection from the trees in your yard using string made from human hair."
People's Taste
"I believe the act of cannibalism itself is legal so long as you didn't murder anyone to do it. If your homie gives you his arm to gnaw on, it's fair game."
I recently treated myself by going to a movie theater after what seemed like a long hiatus for much of the year.
Streaming blockbuster movies from home, while convenient, has never made as much of an impact when compared to the moviegoing experience.
But after my recent trip to our local AMC, I'm beginning to think watching entertainment from the comfort of my quiet home is a much better option.
I forgot that a good majority of audience members are disrespectful and pretty much ignore all the rules—including no texting or talking during the movie.
The normal volume conversations and the number of lit screens from people's smartphone's in my peripheral vision throughout the movie were huge distractions.
Maybe as I'm getting older, my patience has worn thin, or I happened to have a particularly unpleasant experience. But seriously, how can anyone enjoy going to the movies when people are constantly updating their status inside a darkened auditorium?
It should illegal. Rant over.
I feel like if there is nothing after life, it just invalidates life. But maybe I'm just dramatic. I hope there is peace. Thoughts?
black and white two funerals GIFTogether...
"When we die, the whole world as seen by us, dies together with us."
"Yes it does. As does the entire universe. Only when we are alive can we experience the passage of time. The instant we die the entire universe will experience heat death and cease to be. It my take a million eons but since we can no longer experience time it will be relatively instantaneous."
- OkEbb749
Thanks Alan
"It's one of the great wonders of life: What will it be like to go to sleep and never wake up? And if you think long enough about that, something will happen to you. You will find out, among other things, that it will pose the next question to you: What was it like to wake up after never having gone to sleep? That was when you were born. You see, you can't have an experience of nothing. Nature abhors a vacuum. ~Alan Watts"
So Romantic...
"When I was much younger, I had a dream where I died. Not a typical dream, not a romanticized dream. It was a dream where I was an archer in a medieval battle. About 5 minutes into the battle, chaos was all around me, and I watched an opposing archer aim and loose an arrow straight into my left eye."
"I remember the sensation of impact, ringing in my ears, and falling to the ground. I remember the warmth of the blood on my face. The feeling of life leaving my body, and the sense of worry evaporating into warmth and peace as the world left behind me."
"I remember waking up shortly after thinking that the feeling and reality of that experience was so vivid and so detailed that it must have been an experience from a previous incarnation hundreds of years ago. From that moment on, I've never feared the actual process of death. I feel like I've experienced it many times before."
Erase
Computer Reaction GIFGiphy"I think one of your best friends delete's your browsing history."
"Take the hard drive out of my computer at home… Put it in the bath… And make sure it's completely wiped. -Tensai Slime"
If you love me... rule number one... HIDE THE EVIDENCE!!! Let that be heard far and wide. And dreams, always so intertwined aren't they?
Before & After
Happy Baby GIFGiphy"Exactly the same as before you were born."
- whumoon
"I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it. -Mark Twain"
Moving On...
"We clean the bed and assign it to another patient."
"The REAL reason why nurses are so dark. 90 year old man in hospice got hit by a car on his way to get fitted for his funeral tuxedo, and didn't have a DNR. Kept him alive for four hours, and now it's time to document everything that was done to save his life because there will inevitably be a lawsuit from a family member who has had four years to say goodbye but somehow didn't get to."
Again...
"Play again?
Yes
[No]
I don't know what they mean or how to utilize them. I'm a Buddhist (but a gamer first and foremost) so it's cool you guys made those connections This totally makes up for r/movies continuously banning me."
Oblivion...
"I've answered this one before but here it is again. Either two things happen after you die: you either go somewhere or it's oblivion. If it is oblivion, then we're just going back to the same place before we were born and there's nothing wrong with that. We were there for billions or trillions of years, possibly infinity."
"You lose that concept of time since your brain doesn't work anymore so you don't even know it's over. It's not nothing because nothing would be something and that means that you are aware, which you can not be if you're dead. If we do go somewhere, then that's something no one understands because no one has ever come back to tell us."
"Those stories of people coming back after they "died" and "saw stuff" weren't really dead. Their hearts stopped but their brains were still working. If the Universe continues to recycle itself infinitely, then there's a chance we will be reborn or continuously reborn but have no memory of our previous selves."
- jamoh20
On Holiday
"When I was a kid I drowned while on holiday with my family, a giant fat man jumped in the pool on top of me and no one noticed till I was on the bottom of the pool. I remember the feeling of my lungs being on fire, then shivering then as everything was going dark a strange sense of peace and I was ok with it, No panic or terror then it went black."
"I was resuscitated at the side of the pool a few minutes later. I remember nothing from the black to being "alive" again. I was around 7 when it happened and since then I've been strangely at peace with the fact that one day I will die and slip into the dark void of nothingness. Hope that helps."
Popcorn?
500 days of summer cinema GIFGiphy"You wake up in a chair in a cinema and learn that the other are past lives of you and you're about to watch your next life very soon on the big screen."
The truth is none of us know the truth. We live everyday with the afterlife being a gamble. And that seems like it's going to have to be enough.
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