Atmospheric changes inside caves can unleash winds powerful enough to knock the hat off of a tourist.
But the powerful stench of a young girl's fart in tight quarters can knock tourists unconscious.
According to this woman, one of her first traumatic memories going through puberty was passing serious gas while visiting Mammoth Cave National Park.
The stench was so rancid, it even prompted her clueless mother Karen to behave like the characteristics of the eponymous meme by demanding some answers from their tour guide.
The memory from that episode still haunts Redditor "Amacrum" to this day.
The original poster (OP) shared her gassy story in the TIFU (Today I F*d Up) SubReddit and emphasized that her subterranean tushy cough happened years ago.
"Obligatory this didn't happen today.. It happened about 23 years ago but it was my first traumatic cringe."
"I was twelve. Picture what it would look like if Wednesday Addams really was genuinely dying to get into the Babysitters Club. Yup that's me."
"Having my second period ever, complete with Satan's tsunami of pain and f*ckery happening to my insides."
"My family decided this is when were going to go visit Mammoth Cave National Park. I'm still in that stage when I'm embarrassed by my period/ sure that everyone everywhere just KNOWS it's shark week for me."
"(We're traveling light by my parents insistence so when I need a pad it's off to hassle dad to dig one out of his fanny pack and make the mortified trek to the bathroom. That's it's own tween trauma.)"
"We're taking the cave tour and in one of those really tight places with a horrible name like 'Fat man's death' and all hell is brewing in my gut."
"Audible growling like hellhounds begging to be freed, loud enough for the people next to me to get that shifty eyed wtf look."
"At the time I'm 4'11" maybe a hundred lbs and all that stands between the world and the nuclear bomb in my gut is THE CLENCH."
"I clenched you guys. I clenched through so much of the longest cave system in the world (Google it) and I just couldn't f*ckin do it anymore. I fell victim to the oldest myth we tell ourselves... Just let a lil out. Just a little and I'll feel so much better...."
The proverbial flood gates opened and nothing could prevent the olfactory emission from assaulting everyone's nostrils.
"So I did...And I didn't. I cracked the door, but all the demons escaped. What came out was the most inexplicably silent fart accompanied by the most rancid smell I've ever smelled."
"The kind that immediately makes you think it couldn't possibly have come from your own body... Or any living body."
"Immediately there was shuffling as it hit the polite people around me and they tried to avoid overly embarrassing the green skinned little girl with the demon gut it had to have come from."
Enter the OP's mother, whose name is a popular meme used to insult entitled White women who often complain in public and ask to speak to a manager.
"This is where my mother comes into play. There's one thing you must know about my mother. Her name is Karen. Legend has it she is the original."
@MeghanMcCain Official Know Your Meme Moment: "Meghan" is a Karen with a plus-sized attitude. https://t.co/0SnHyJ2Ncg— Ministry of Information - Cosmopolitan Control🥯 (@Ministry of Information - Cosmopolitan Control🥯)1581525205.0
"If I had a dime for every manager spoken to while her family sat red faced, pleadingly apologizing with their eyes (blink twice for help) I'd be a Scrooge McDuck rich."
The mother inquired the tour guide about the source of the toxic airborne event.
"So here we are stewing in rancid hellfire corpse level stank and my mother asks the poor teenage tour guide (who is trying not to gag) 'Are there Sulfur deposits down here? I smell sulfur.'"
"Silence. A few discreet glances at the miserable little girl from polite strangers."
"No ma'am, no sulfur in this part of the cave system."
"My mother is never wrong. Not even when she's wrong. She insists...'That can't be right. I smell sulfur.'"
"No ma'am. No Sulfur."
"If there was a manager nearby we'd have already been speaking to them. She's getting very upset because she's obviously RIGHT she obviously smells Sulfur and this ridiculous teenager doesn't know what the hell he's taking about."
"The back and forth goes on. Forever. Her insistence that she's right keeps ratcheting up. That poor bastard."
"To his credit he glanced at me, and did the kindest thing that kept me from just completely shriveling up and dying on the spot."
"He plastered a queasy grin on his face and said, 'You know what ma'am maybe there's is Sulfur down here I'm going to double check on that as soon as we get back. Maybe I'll learn something new today.'"
"The cringe was so full on I don't remember anything else about that day. It's a blank."
"On that fateful day I learned never to trust a fart, that cringe that deep in the early tweens leaves a little scar tissue on your soul, and that the kindness of strangers is a very real thing."
And there you have it.
Redditors imagined the horrors of being one of the tourists reckoning with the punishment nobody deserves.
"Farting in a cave is like the ultimate dutch oven. Everybody's just trapped in there with it." – rj4001
Who doesn't love a good fart story?
"I dropped rancid ass in an airplane hangar when in college...It cleared the area immediately around me...then the cloud drifted, but retained sufficient concentration to clear out ANOTHER group across the hangar about 5 minutes later."
"Not gonna lie...I'm pretty proud of that one." – 0xD153A53
"My friend has a story from when he was on a tour bus in Morocco and someone let out a quiet but deadly fart. the tour guide stopped mid sentence and said with a very strong accent "Ah, silent but violent..." – homebrandsoap
"I farted in front of my ex's son. He was startled and asked what the noise was. I told him my butt sneezed. Without missing a beat he says 'oh well then bless you!'"
"That kid is gonna go far." – freyjathebloody
"I'm a second-generation butt duster and man, there are some times I wonder what exists in my gut."
"I went with my mom and step-dad to get a cake for my Sweet 16 and for some reason had some raunchy internals that day. We were talking to the clerk at the bakery when I let out a silent(?) but toxic cloud, which my family, myself, and the clerk all were hit by at once."
"I had to deal with my step-father quietly gagging, my mother turning beet red, and the poor clerk trying to not be ill over the little cake book while simultaneously doing my best not too pee myself from holding in laughter. And it stuck with us the entire time we were there, so about 5 minutes at least."
"I still get a tongue lashing from my mom about that one, she was so embarrassed (I can give her crap now because her colostomy bag likes to be a mini bagpipe)."
"I think that time and the time my charter bus fart managed to make at least 50 other band students sick (including our directors) are tied." – Iradelle
Now, this is a cute catchphrase.
"When our daughter was a toddler my husband used to say 'catch that and paint it green' after a fart. Kids repeat everything and she repeated the phrase in her daycare after she tooted."
"It was a awkwardly funny moment when I picked her up and had to answer-the question. 'What does catch that and paint it green mean?"'– mellentheorchadork
This Redditor believes that clenching is the last thing you should be doing when a toxic storm is brewing in your colon.
"This is honestly how a fart should be dealt with. I have stomach issues, and can't control my farts well. Some days it's just like a machine gun.
"On those bad days, I just start laughing like crazy as my wife just shakes her head. She's gotten used to it, and some times will laugh as well."
"The worst is when you are at work and gotta let one out. But when I'm having stomach issues, some times they'll slip out when I try to head to the bathroom. Some days they'll just slip and make the loudest fart you've ever heard."
"I was standing outside with a few friends once, and it happened. Instantly, everyone just burst out laughing about it."
"Farting isn't something to be ashamed of, and it can actually cause you some damage if you hold it in. I say we should just the wind flow freely, but keep an freshener near you though!" – StrangerFeelings
Conditions inside caves are ideal for some things and not so much for others.
"Caves are usually humid. The moisture in the air traps the fart molecules and it floats in place like a cloud on a windless day. Prime dusting territory. I really need to visit a cave again." – Pi-stache-io
What an epic burn.
"My mom always said she can't fart cause women don't get a**holes til they get married." – DownToFarm
Didn't Karen talk about periods?
"That might explain how you felt about your period too. I felt so comfortable telling people I had it, and especially with my family."
"My dad would buy pads for me often. But, my mom talked about periods from before I can remember, so to me it was just a normal thing before I got it."
"I'm sorry that your mom caused you so much trouble." – boo29may
Which one is worse? The wrath of a Karen, or the fury of the foulest flatulence?
Do we even have a clue that they're the "one" that got away? How long until it sinks in? And how do we not know there isn't another "one" coming behind them? I have no answers. Just asking...
The Draft
Episode 1 Omg GIF by RuPaul's Drag RaceGiphy"The girl who summoned up the nerve to ask me out towards the beginning of high school. I was so humiliated by the life my family was living that I stalled until she gave up."
"Betsy, if by some stroke of dumb luck you're reading this... I'm so sorry. It was 25-27 years ago, but I still hate myself for that. You were beautiful, intelligent, a good person, and if I had anything resembling a stable, presentable home I would've said yes in a heartbeat... I had a crush on you since 7th-grade 'intro to drafting.'
I Love Her
"Weird, I was just confiding in my mom about this last night. I'm late but for catharsis's sake I'm going to post. My first girlfriend is a classic case of you don't know what you have until it's gone. She's the complete package. Beautiful, intelligent, compassionate, and so kind. We started dating when I was 17 and broke up when I was 21."
"For reference I'm 30 now. I was an idiot. I wanted to play the field. I wanted to party and hook up with college girls. It was fun at first but after a while I felt this gnawing hole in my heart. The feeling of doubt crept up slowly and still, a decade later my chest feels tight thinking about it."
"I didn't realize until my later serious relationships that getting along with your SO's family is so important. Her mom and step dad genuinely treated me like a part of their family. It's not a stretch to say I literally grew up with these people. I spent some of my most formative years with them. Birthdays, Thanksgivings, Christmases, you name it. They celebrated me and my accomplishments. They genuinely cared about me. Just amazing, salt of the earth, lovely people."
"Her birthday was in March and I sent her a text and we ended up talking for a bit. She's happily married and stable with a daughter and a second on the way. I'm genuinely so happy for her. She deserves happiness. I just wish I was a part of that. Sitting at work 10 years later I'm tearing up. I numbed myself out to it for years, it's so strange to me that I've been so stuck on her lately. Is this normal?"
- direct07
15 Years Later
"My very first real love. I was a teenager and I didn't really know how to be comfortable in myself or with myself. I played silly teen girl games and lost him even as a friend. Now 15 years later I still think about R from time to time. I genuinely hope he's happy in his life."
"Edit: Wow this blew up while I was sleeping. Thanks for all the sweet words and to everyone with their "one" congratulations! I suppose I hadn't looked him up on social media because I'm scared, scared he won't respond, scared he will respond, scared he'll think I'm a stalker. I'm in a happy relationship now, but what if... Etc etc etc. But I'll give it a Google."
Missed You Much
rhythm nation dance GIF by Janet JacksonGiphyA girl I dated in high school. Went on a date one time she took me out parking and I was too stupid to realize it.
"She always talked about moving away as soon as she got finished with high school. I always thought I would stay in a little town the rest of my life. Turns out I was the one who left and move to another state. Later I heard that she had told someone that I knew that she thought that we would be married at some point. Missed it by that much."
Ok... I've been a bit blind to the light. People can be cruel, but also highly creative. Why not just lead with the truth? It'll always hurt more after lies.
Chuck E.
Chuck E Cheese Wink GIFGiphy"Ah the rare AskReddit question I can answer."
"I met a wonderful woman circa 2013-2015. We worked at what I can best describe as an upscaled Chuck E Cheese. Or ghetto Six Flags. Your choice."
"We hit it off instantly, though at the time I was rather romantically inept. Eventually, she says she's leaving to join the Air Force. I tell her I'll miss her, and wished her well. The thought of asking for her number so we could stay in contact didn't even cross my mind."
"Cue the next day, I stop for lunch on my way to work, and as I'm walking to my car I hear my name being called. I turn around, and it's her, running toward me. Universe giving me a second chance, right? Wrong. My dumb butt still didn't ask for her number. She looked a little upset, and I still think about her often. Desiree, I hope you're doing well."
The Getaway...
"He was my first and last love. I was 16 and he was 18 when we met. We bounced around like idiots, on again off again, finally got together mid 20s. We both fell into bad habits - drugs and alcohol, more booze for me, more drugs for him. We had some bad things happen that were pretty detrimental to staying sober. We would split, reconcile, get sober, fall off the wagon, split, etc... repeat as necessary. We realized we were very bad for each other unless we could BOTH just get sober for ourselves, and split."
"Ten years later, I was sober for 7 years (still am, going on 18 years end of this month, actually! Woo, go me!) and he was beginning to come back, sober about a year. He contacted me, we met, talked about trying again. He said that once he had been totally clean for a year, we'd do it. That whole "Don't make any changes for a year" thing. I would visit him, tho, things were good."
"He woke up one morning feeling bad, thought he had the flu. (This was pre-now) I stayed around because he was sick, but neither of us thought he was drastically bad, just the flu, right? He got worse and worse, finally we called an ambulance because he got up from a nap and couldn't breathe. He died in the ambulance on the way to the hospital. Aortic dissection."
"He got away, but someday I'll see him again. I never stopped loving him, and him me. We just weren't good for each other."
Ce la vie...
"My most serious Ex."
"Don't think I truly understood love until I met her. Loved her more than I ever thought I could love anything. It eventually ended when she told me that, through no fault of my own, she had fallen out of love with me. That was 2 years ago, still hurts to think/talk about."
"Ce la vie..."
The Avoid...
"I'm in the middle of trying to avoid that right now actually."
"It's not worth the heartache trust me. I fought to stay in a relationship for an entire year. If I would've just let her go the first time she wanted there would've been a lot less pain. We would've left on good terms. I would've lost a lot less sleep. Rip the band-aid off because once the band-aid starts peeling it's inevitable it'll fall off with time."
Kim Tate Eye Roll GIF by Emmerdale"My ex and I broke up over 3 years ago. Mutual breakup through a lack of communication on both ends I feel."
"Thought I was over that hill until this week she messaged just to say hey and ask an innocent question. We text for the best part of the day and it's brought up a lot of old feeling. Feeling pretty bitter sweet right now."
Love is a mess. Why even bother trying if you can't be true? It's not hard to just spell out the situation. And if you're the one needing to put together the words... look closer. The dialogue shouldn't be difficult.
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