As much as many of us would choose to relieve ourselves in the comfort and privacy of our own home when duty calls, sometimes we are left with no choice but to brave using public facilities.
So one time, in band camp, I had to do a number one during a lazy river outing. I saw a portapotty on the shore, so I had my comrades paddle over to dry land so I can get out. I should have just peed in the river. 
I opened the door to the lone commode – and horror of horrors – I saw a fecal mountain towering majestically above seat level. Needless to say, I had to go so badly, I added to the moat surrounding the colossal muck.
I wish I can flush that memory from existence.
Redditor Reddit807 asked:
"What's the worst thing you've ever seen in a public toilet?"
Let's just say, this thread did not disappoint. Just make sure your food is digested before continuing.
Assault On The Senses
"Diarrhea on the toilet seat and walls- it was horrible. Smelled atrocious."
– slekrons
"But how did it taste?"
– MechanicalHorse
Reaching New Heights
"Saw this in the JetBlue terminal at SEA a few years ago. How the hell do you get it that high up the walls and not on yourself!?"
– alinroc
Roofing
"A poop outline on the roof as if a log had be thrown up with force directly after being excreted. Imagine those art handprints kids do with paint but brown and in the shape of a meaty finger."
– Dregoralive
Swedish Meatball
"Some one had made a sh*t on the floor and put a tiny flag of Sweden on top of it...."
– Shejku
"If it was at a grocery store, my money is on a scenario where they were giving free samples of Swedish meatballs with the flag as a toothpick."
Big Mass
"Sh*t. Lots of shit. Sh*t in places where shit is not supposed to go. In a public toilet there's a specific place for sh*t and people somehow manage to miss it. It's almost like they were aiming anywhere but the toilet."
– BigD1970
jurassic park deal with it GIFGiphyCrime Scene
In some cases, the discovery in a public bathroom were more grim.
Splattered In DNA
"A turd covered in blood about the size of my forearm peaking out of the toilet blood was all over the toilet bowl it was insane. Actually had a safety meeting on it the next day."
– Eviltotes
Final Destination
"Dead body...OD victim in a bathroom at a nature preserve. Had been deceased at least a few days. In 90+ degree heat in the summer."
– Shimmybaby84
At The Bus Stop
"When I was 17, I went to use the bathroom at the Greyhound bus stop and found a homeless guy who had died. That was a pretty crazy experience."
How He Got A Free Bus Ticket
"Well, I went into the bathroom, opened the stall door and saw a dead man with his pants around his ankles, his head propped up against the wall."
"I screamed bloody murder, ran out of the bathroom and into some dude about to go in, yelled, 'DON'T GO IN THERE!', made it to the ticket counter, yelled something like, 'there's a dead man in the bathroom!' and calmed down enough to be able to give a report to the police."
"On the plus side, I got a free round trip ticket from Dallas to Amarillo out of the deal, so I had that going for me, at least."
Nothing To Do With Poop
Aside from the occasional corpse, some people found things that had nothing to do with excrement.
For Love Of The Game
"An earring with part of an ear still attached. It was in San Francisco after a superbowl one year. I was visiting for work, and thought I'd head to a bar. I went to the bathroom, and it was absolutely trashed. Two urinals were broken off the wall, doors were torn off the hinges, trash was all over the floor, and an earring with a big chunk of flesh. People were going insane over that game."
– efluxr
You Better Watch Out
"A freakin Christmas tree standing in the toilet. It was fully decorated. In June."
– martianruby
"Christmas had passed."
– IAmWeary
The next time you are out in public and you MUST use the restroom, know that you may encounter any of the scenarios listed above.
Because even a fancy restaurant is not bereft of irresponsible, careless, and drunk patrons who will excrete whatever from any of their orifices and then flee the crime scene with the expectation that an employee will clean up their mess.
Check, please.
Hint: It Won't End Well
One Reddit user asked:
What adult problem did nobody prepare you for?
Here are some of the responses that we felt deep in our achy, dehydrated, bones. (Side note: When was the last time you drank some water? Hydrate, gurl. Hydrate.)
1. Pools Are A Pain
I tell everyone I know, "You don't want a swimming pool. You want a friend with a swimming pool." I have a huge inground pool in my backyard that's been sitting unused for the last 19 years. It's not like we don't want to use it, it's just too expensive to maintain and we don't have that kind of money. It sucks because my friends are always telling me to get it fixed but there's not much I can do.
2. Breakups... Adult Breakups.
You're not just losing the other person, you're losing a whole version of your life that will never take place. All the plans you had, where you were willing to live, what career choices you would make with them, all gone.
3. Time
How fast time would start moving. What do you mean I'm almost 30?? I feel like I just graduated college but then I think about it and it was already 5 years ago. My wife asked me if I was going to my high schools 10th reunion but that couldn't have possibly been 10 years ago already.
4. So Unfair
That life can be unfair no matter the effort you put in. Just need to roll with the punches. As a male who is probably a little more emotionally in touch with his feelings than the average male, this was a hard lesson to lesson to learn. The fact that I would put so much effort into something I love, pouring my heart and soul into it, only to have it shafted by life or just other people in general was gut-wrenching.
My advice when that happens is before you get too upset, don't forget to harvest the fruits of your failures. What did you learn from this experience? If attempted again, what could you do differently to get closer to the desired outcome? However unfair life may be, it usually will provide you with a learning experience. You just gotta be open and ready to see it when it presents itself.
5. I'm The Adult?
Having younger people ask for advice and realizing that I'm actually the adult in the room. Scary. Parenting is like that. When you realize you're now the one wholly in charge of another person. Who thought that was a good idea?
6. Good Job. You're Fired.
Being good at a job and still being let go. Silver lining to this is it taught me early that companies show no loyalty so I don't need to either. My first job out of college was great; it was in my home state, good salary, good benefits. Hell, I even had a pension. I had dreams of working my way up and staying there for the long haul. After all, they hired me fresh out of school, I owe them so much, right? Nope. Laid off after two years. Now I have no problem going to the highest bidder, f--- loyalty in the corporate world
7. Immaturity
That a ton of adults are just as immature as kids and having to deal with them. First you are bullied at school, then you are bullied at work. They are everywhere and they don't grow up. At worst, they end up being your bosses or your spouses relatives. Hooray. It never ends. And the worst part about this is bc they are adults they think it's ok that they're immature and you can't say anything about it... because dang it they're a grown (wo)man! 😒
8. Love Bites
That love is out of your control, you could be dating someone and love that someone with all your heart and they could just lose interest, and there is nothing you can do about it. I used to LOVE falling head over heels in love with someone and now I think I'm starting to feel jaded.... I try and shut that shit right down if I start feeling feelings. Or worse, having to break up with someone you really love because you know it's the best move for you both.
9. Cost Of Maintenance
How your body falls apart. The cost of maintenance of one's body and how fragile it seems to be. Look after yourselves folks! I'm trying to get into good exercise habits and good eating habits while I'm in my 30s but my body is already falling apart. I'm terrified for my 40s.
10. Seeing Your Parents Clearly
When you can finally see your parents for how petty and flawed they can be in a big picture sense. I don't mean teenage angst about parents thinking they know best. I mean that point where you can relate to your parent as an equal in a meaningful way which also means you can see the depth of their limitations.
Watching my parents become human, and speaking them on a deep level of shared mental illness (anxiety, depression) and their fears has just terrified me; realizing that they're just as flawed, scared, and there is no way I can rely on them in a meaningful way, well, it was what I consider the 'true death' of my childhood.
11. Friends?
Making friends after college. I'm almost 30 and no matter how many meetups I go to, what app I use, or where I volunteer, I can't seem to make a connection with someone who has similar interests as me in person. I've made connections with people who we share interests, but they live either in a different country or on the other side of the country.
12. You Might Be Mediocre
Mediocrity. When you're a kid you might not necessarily believe that you will actually be an astronaut or president or whatever, but there is an assumption you will succeed to a degree; have a good house and a decent job. No one sits you down and prepares you for the possibility that you'll just stagger through life doing the motions.
13. You Have To
Not wanting to go to work but knowing you have to. When I was in school, if I was sick staying home was always an option. Sometimes you just have to pound some DayQuil and go to work.
14. It Never Feels Settled
That there is no such thing as feeling like a grown up. I'm 42 and even my friends in their 60s are still subject to the same insecurity and immature processes as a 16-year-old, most of the time. I thought by this point in my life, I'd have no questions, no insecurities, and I'd be so suave and sophisticated.
15. Learn To Fix A Toilet
Sometimes, the toilet breaks and it doesn't matter what you had planned--your plans are now to try to learn how to fix a toilet. It's a race against your bowels! It's amazing how a household repair can take your entire day by storm. Thank goodness for Youtube and Home Depot, is all I can say.
16. Options
The difficulty of choosing between two good choices, like two good job opportunities or two decent places to live.
Growing up, it seemed like my parents only ever had two bad choices to make and would often have to choose between the lesser of two evils. I remember the first time I had to make a life decision, between two jobs and thinking, "if I do this, my life will be this; if I do that, my life will be that." There wasn't necessarily a "wrong" decision, but a decision that was going to significantly impact my life and where I lived. It was really the first crossroad I came to and realized that depending on the decision I made, my life would be vastly different had I chosen the other.
17. Planning Never Stops
It's not really one specific problem- but just the amount of planning. It's kind of exhausting.
You plan your weekdays, plan your outings, plan your weekends. You plan for meals then you have to plan your grocery shopping and list, then plan for when you'll cook. Plan your chores, plan your fixer-upper lists, plan your budget, plan your bills.... Every single thing you do, watch, read, buy, eat... YOUR choice, YOUR responsibility. Sounds amazing at first and it is nice to have that freedom, but it's actually pretty tiring day after day after day. I LOVE going on a family vacation where my aunt and uncle are in charge and they plan the meals and the outings and I can just sit back and help out with the actual cooking or cleaning up. It's nice to be a passenger every once in a while.
18. The Treadmill
The crisis when you realize you'll likely work 40 hours a week for a looooong time; the fact that you're on a treadmill that never stops. It's not going fast, but it never stops. I always realized I'd be working full time, but never really thought about it and how in order to make more money you need to have more responsibility, which means more hours, more time on-call, plus take into account driving to and from work, you pretty much do nothing but work for your entire adult life. Yikes
19. "Do What You Love"
The 'do what you love' stuff gets hyped too much. If you turn what you love into a job, you won't love it much longer. You should do what you're good at and don't hate doing. Keep your passions as pure as you can.
20. The End Is NOT Near
I was raised as Jehovah's Witness and was repeatedly told that "the end is right around the corner." JW's believe that those that survive Armageddon will live forever on Paradise earth, with a select 144,000 ruling in heaven. Even better, all your dead loved ones would be resurrected too.
I never expected to have to grow old and see my loved ones die.
Higher education is discouraged in the cult, because what's the point? The end is near, and you should be out in the ministry instead. So I'm decades behind my peers in terms of financial stability as well.
I "woke up" from the cult a few years ago and it has been difficult coming to grips with realities that most people have dealt with much younger.
H/T: Reddit