Most of the time we think of our high school years when we think of them - like our emo phase or our jock phase etc. But phases are more than the way you dress or your tragic eye makeup.
Phases are just seasons and themes in our lives. Sometimes they're purposefully constructed (Yes, you can do that! I'm almost 40 and just decided 2 days ago that I want to start a sexy phase!)
Sometimes Illness/injury, death, financial gain or loss, etc. trigger your life or personality to take a sudden and unexpected turn.
If you win the lottery, for example, that turn is going to be an upgrade - at least temporarily. Don't @ me with a bunch of stories about the lottery curse. I know, fam. I know.
Reddit users wanted to talk about the worst phases people have had, and this era I'm recently moving away from immediately came to mind.
People have really gone through it. There are mentions of abuse, death, and childhood trauma.
What's amazing, though, is that every single one of these stories is being shared by a person who survived it. A person for whom things got better.
These responses suck, I'm not even going to try to lie. But they're also reminders that things can be incredibly dark - but that darkness probably won't last forever.
Having said that, these responses aren't all quite so heavy. Sometimes you just gotta laugh at your MySpace emo-bangs phase.
No Mom, No Job, No Money
Right now. My mom passed away from bone cancer; I left a high paying job to be her full time caretaker over the final two years. That left me living in her house, with only a struggling consulting business. Covid killed that. Right now I'm waiting for my unemployment to be approved, but its been a month and no money yet. No mom, no job, no money. My vehicles alternator died this morning. Sunday is Mothers day. I'm a mess.
Worse Than War
2016-2018.
My wife and I were thinking of separating after moving two states away for her job. Then she got diagnosed with cancer. I couldn't divorce her in those circumstances. I felt like I was essentially losing her twice, while working 56 hour weeks to keep us afloat when she couldn't.
I was alone except for her, struggling not to resent her and repair our marriage, and exhausted and anxious all the time. I dropped 30 pounds without intent and was at some points selling my plasma to make rent.
But she survived, so far cancer-free, and so did our marriage. We moved back home, and now I have custody of my son from my first marriage and we each have better jobs. We've forgiven each other and built a comfortable, stable life for our family. I would do it all again if I had to.
This was worse than boot camp, worse than divorce, worse than my mom dying, and worse than my year deployed to Afghanistan.
Now I Have Hope
GiphyJanuary 18 - February 5, 2020.
On January 18 my husband was killed in a car accident. For 2.5 weeks I had no hope for the future. Then I found out I was pregnant. Our first and only child.
It's still fcking hard, but now I have hope and many moments of genuine excitement and joy.
High School Poetry
If we're going by cringiness I would say my "tortured writer/poet phase" junior year of high school where I had an emo look and wrote terrible poetry that I posted on my Xanga.
The funny thing was that even though I looked emo, the closest thing to emo music I listened to was like Bright Eyes' Fevers and Mirrors album. I was more into punk/indie rock. Luckily, I grew out of that phase by my senior year, so it didn't last long.
- -eDgAR-
Three Lost Years
2008-2011
I was misdiagnosed with a certain mental illness rather than the mental illnesses I actually have. I was put on some strong drugs to control the condition they thought I had. They hurt much more than they helped.
I don't remember three entire years of my daughter's lives because those meds f'ed with my brain. I feel like a horrible mother for not being able to answer questions about this time period. I'm better now but it sucks that I lost those years.
No Concept Of Self Worth
Throughout my teens I had no concept of self worth. I have been overweight for almost my entire life and never viewed myself as anything except a 1/10. I made some terrible choices that I wish I could change due to having such low self esteem. I put myself in danger and was just straight up stupid. I didn't feel that I deserved any better though.
As an adult, things have gotten better and I have a loving husband that helps build me up. It has been a continual journey towards improving my health both mentally and physically, but I feel much better for it.
Also, I had many friends with this same mindset. Friends that were absolutely gorgeous to me felt worthless and made some of the same choices that I did. I never understood how there were so many of us. As a teacher, I always keep that in mind as I try to build my students up.
Horse Girls
GiphyI was a horse girl from 2nd to 5th grade. I didn't just like horses, I galloped around like a horse too! I wondered why nobody wanted to be my friend...
Oh, see I was lucky. My weird horse girl phase as a kid coincided with my neighbour's weird horse girl phase, so we were just blissfully unaware of how fcking weird and uncool we were.
- Cornsilk
Hey one of my best friends in elementary school was a horse girl.. but then again I was a dinosaur kid so I guess it balanced out.
- 11wishes
8th Grade Breakdown
Middle school. Parents just got divorced. Mom was going back to school and working two jobs, so I never saw her. We lived in a bad part of town and I was a morbidly obese, pale nerd.
Kids literally punched me in the stomach as hard as they could when we changed classes. They'd take my back pack and throw it in the shower and turned the water on. They'd grab my stomach and my chest when I would change in Phys. Ed.
One day in 8th grade, I finally snapped and got into a huge fight. Mom got called into the school, and when she gets there, I broke down hysterically crying about what had happened to me for years and how I couldn't take it anymore. She called my father (whom hated) and I spent the next two years living with him until she finished school. In those 2 years I grew over half a foot and was the star offensive lineman on the football team, so it worked out okay. :)
Cameraphones Weren't A Thing Back Then
I had a Wiggah phase when I was 13-14 years old. I was talking ghetto, wearing Wutang jeans that was hanging on for dear life off of my butt cheeks, a shirt longer than my pants and a red bandana. But I grew up in that kind of neighborhood. You had to fit in somehow.
Thinking back on it, damn, embarrassing stuff. I'm so happy cameras on phones weren't a thing back then.
"Nice Guy"
I went through a Nice Guy phase when I was like 19 or 20. But that's not the most shameful part. The most shameful part was the righteous indignation that came along with it. The girl I was fawning over was an assault survivor, and she might have been in an abusive relationship at the time I was friends with her - though perhaps I only perceived it as abusive because I had Nice Guy goggles on.
In any case, her whole sad story sent me to a dark place. I started having gruesome fantasies about torturing the guy, and I lashed out at her boyfriend publicly on Facebook (oh yea, he and I had been friends, which was how I met her). I was an absolute mess. And it finally came to a tipping point when, under circumstances I can't remember, I said something or other to her expressing disapproval of her relationship, and she accused me of only wanting her for myself (which was obviously true), and after that I had to step back and reevaluate what I had become.
I call that part of my life the Dark Period, and I look back on it often to remind myself of the terrible things I'm capable of, so that I never go back to that place.
Do you have something to confess to George? Text "Secrets" or "
" to +1 (310) 299-9390 to talk to him about it.
Experiencing death is a fascinating and frightening idea.
Who doesn't want to know what is waiting for us on the other side?
But so many of us want to know and then come back and live a little longer.
It would be so great to be sure there is something else.
But the whole dying part is not that great, so we'll have to rely on other people's accounts.
Redditor AlaskaStiletto wanted to hear from everyone who has returned to life, so they asked:
"Redditors who have 'died' and come back to life, what did you see?"
Sensations
Happy Good Vibes GIF by Major League SoccerGiphy"My dad's heart stopped when he had a heart attack and he had to be brought back to life. He kept the paper copy of the heart monitor which shows he flatlined. He said he felt an overwhelming sensation of peace, like nothing he had felt before."
PeachesnPain
Recovery
"I had surgical complications in 2010 that caused a great deal of blood loss. As a result, I had extremely low blood pressure and could barely stay awake. I remember feeling like I was surrounded by loved ones who had passed. They were in a circle around me and I knew they were there to guide me onwards. I told them I was not ready to go because my kids needed me and I came back."
"My nurse later said she was afraid she’d find me dead every time she came into the room."
"It took months, and blood transfusions, but I recovered."
good_golly99
Take Me Back
"Overwhelming peace and happiness. A bright airy and floating feeling. I live a very stressful life. Imagine finding out the person you have had a crush on reveals they have the same feelings for you and then you win the lotto later that day - that was the feeling I had."
"I never feared death afterward and am relieved when I hear of people dying after suffering from an illness."
rayrayrayray
Free
The Light Minnie GIF by (G)I-DLEGiphy"I had a heart surgery with near-death experience, for me at least (well the possibility that those effects are caused by morphine is also there) I just saw black and nothing else but it was warm and I had such inner peace, its weird as I sometimes still think about it and wish this feeling of being so light and free again."
TooReDTooHigh
This is why I hate surgery.
You just never know.
Shocked
Giphy"More of a near-death experience. I was electrocuted. I felt like I was in a deep hole looking straight up in the sky. My life flashed before me. Felt sad for my family, but I had a deep sense of peace."
Admirable_Buyer6528
The SOB
"Nursing in the ICU, we’ve had people try to die on us many times during the years, some successfully. One guy stood out to me. His heart stopped. We called a code, are working on him, and suddenly he comes to. We hadn’t vented him yet, so he was able to talk, and he started screaming, 'Don’t let them take me, don’t let them take me, they are coming,' he was scared and yelling."
"Then he yelled a little more, as we tried to calm him down, he screamed, 'No, No,' and gestured towards the end of the bed, and died again. We didn’t get him back. It was seriously creepy. We called his son to tell him the news, and the son said basically, 'Good, he was an SOB.'”
1-cupcake-at-a-time
Colors
"My sister died and said it was extremely peaceful. She said it was very loud like a train station and lots of talking and she was stuck in this area that was like a curtain with lots of beautiful colors (colors that you don’t see in real life according to her) a man told her 'He was sorry, but she had to go back as it wasn’t her time.'"
Hannah_LL7
"I had a really similar experience except I was in an endless garden with flowers that were colors I had never seen before. It was quiet and peaceful and a woman in a dress looked at me, shook her head, and just said 'Not yet.' As I was coming back, it was extremely loud, like everyone in the world was trying to talk all at once. It was all very disorienting but it changed my perspective on life!"
huntokarrr
The Fog
"I was in a gray fog with a girl who looked a lot like a young version of my grandmother (who was still alive) but dressed like a pioneer in the 1800s she didn't say anything but kept pulling me towards an opening in the wall. I kept refusing to go because I was so tired."
"I finally got tired of her nagging and went and that's when I came to. I had bled out during a c-section and my heart could not beat without blood. They had to deliver the baby and sew up the bleeders. refill me with blood before they could restart my heart so, like, at least 12 minutes gone."
Fluffy-Hotel-5184
Through the Walls
"My spouse was dead for a couple of minutes one miserable night. She maintains that she saw nothing, but only heard people talking about her like through a wall. The only thing she remembers for absolute certain was begging an ER nurse that she didn't want to die."
"She's quite alive and well today."
Hot-Refrigerator6583
Well let's all be happy to be alive.
It seems to be all we have.
Trying to lose weight is a struggle understood by many people regardless of size.
The goal of reaching a healthy weight may seem unattainable, but with diet and exercise, it can pay off through persistence and discipline.
Seeing the pounds gradually drop off can also be a great motivator and incentivize people to stay the course.
Those who've achieved their respective weight goals shared their experiences when Redditor apprenti8455 asked:
"People who lost a lot of weight, what surprises you the most now?"
Redditors didn't see these coming.
Shiver Me Timbers
"I’m always cold now!"
– Telrom_1
"I had a coworker lose over 130 pounds five or six years ago. I’ve never seen him without a jacket on since."
– r7ndom
"140 lbs lost here starting just before COVID, I feel like that little old lady that's always cold, damn this top comment was on point lmao."
– mr_remy
Drawing Concern
"I lost 100 pounds over a year and a half but since I’m old(70’s) it seems few people comment on it because (I think) they think I’m wasting away from some terminal illness."
– dee-fondy
"Congrats on the weight loss! It’s honestly a real accomplishment 🙂"
"Working in oncology, I can never comment on someone’s weight loss unless I specifically know it was on purpose, regardless of their age. I think it kind of ruffles feathers at times, but like I don’t want to congratulate someone for having cancer or something. It’s a weird place to be in."
– LizardofDeath
Unleashing Insults
"I remember when I lost the first big chunk of weight (around 50 lbs) it was like it gave some people license to talk sh*t about the 'old' me. Old coworkers, friends, made a lot of not just negative, but harsh comments about what I used to look like. One person I met after the big loss saw a picture of me prior and said, 'Wow, we wouldn’t even be friends!'”
"It wasn’t extremely common, but I was a little alarmed by some of the attention. My weight has been up and down since then, but every time I gain a little it gets me a little down thinking about those things people said."
– alanamablamaspama
Not Everything Goes After Losing Weight
"The loose skin is a bit unexpected."
– KeltarCentauri
"I haven’t experienced it myself, but surgery to remove skin takes a long time to recover. Longer than bariatric surgery and usually isn’t covered by insurance unless you have both."
– KatMagic1977
"It definitely does take a long time to recover. My Dad dropped a little over 200 pounds a few years back and decided to go through with skin removal surgery to deal with the excess. His procedure was extensive, as in he had skin taken from just about every part of his body excluding his head, and he went through hell for weeks in recovery, and he was bedridden for a lot of it."
– Jaew96
These Redditors shared their pleasantly surprising experiences.
Shopping
"I can buy clothes in any store I want."
– WaySavvyD
"When I lost weight I was dying to go find cute, smaller clothes and I really struggled. As someone who had always been restricted to one or two stores that catered to plus-sized clothing, a full mall of shops with items in my size was daunting. Too many options and not enough knowledge of brands that were good vs cheap. I usually went home pretty frustrated."
– ganache98012
No More Symptoms
"Lost about 80 pounds in the past year and a half, biggest thing that I’ve noticed that I haven’t seen mentioned on here yet is my acid reflux and heartburn are basically gone. I used to be popping tums every couple hours and now they just sit in the medicine cabinet collecting dust."
– colleennicole93
Expanding Capabilities
"I'm all for not judging people by their appearance and I recognise that there are unhealthy, unachievable beauty standards, but one thing that is undeniable is that I can just do stuff now. Just stamina and flexibility alone are worth it, appearance is tertiary at best."
– Ramblonius
People Change Their Tune
"How much nicer people are to you."
"My feet weren't 'wide' they were 'fat.'"
– LiZZygsu
"Have to agree. Lost 220 lbs, people make eye contact and hold open doors and stuff"
"And on the foot thing, I also lost a full shoe size numerically and also wear regular width now 😅"
– awholedamngarden
It's gonna take some getting used to.
Bones Everywhere
"Having bones. Collarbones, wrist bones, knee bones, hip bones, ribs. I have so many bones sticking out everywhere and it’s weird as hell."
– Princess-Pancake-97
"I noticed the shadow of my ribs the other day and it threw me, there’s a whole skeleton in here."
– bekastrange
Knee Pillow
"Right?! And they’re so … pointy! Now I get why people sleep with pillows between their legs - the knee bones laying on top of each other (side sleeper here) is weird and jarring."
– snic2030
"I lost only 40 pounds within the last year or so. I’m struggling to relate to most of these comments as I feel like I just 'slimmed down' rather than dropped a ton. But wow, the pillow between the knees at night. YES! I can relate to this. I think a lot of my weight was in my thighs. I never needed to do this up until recently."
– Strongbad23
More Mobility
"I’ve lost 100 lbs since 2020. It’s a collection of little things that surprise me. For at least 10 years I couldn’t put on socks, or tie my shoes. I couldn’t bend over and pick something up. I couldn’t climb a ladder to fix something. Simple things like that I can do now that fascinate me."
"Edit: Some additional little things are sitting in a chair with arms, sitting in a booth in a restaurant, being able to shop in a normal store AND not needing to buy the biggest size there, being able to easily wipe my butt, and looking down and being able to see my penis."
– dma1965
People making significant changes, whether for mental or physical health, can surely find a newfound perspective on life.
But they can also discover different issues they never saw coming.
That being said, overcoming any challenge in life is laudable, especially if it leads to gaining confidence and ditching insecurities.