There's nothing quite like unleashing a gale of laughter. It's soothing, it's cathartic, it brightens your mood.
But timing is everything, don't you know? You should probably watch who, what, and where you laugh... just in case.
After Redditor Mircalenik209 asked the online community, "When was there a time where you shouldn't have laughed at something, but you did?" people shared their experiences. They're pretty hilarious, if we say so ourselves.
"When I was a student nurse..."
When I was a student nurse I was asked to tell a patient that his daughter couldn't come visit him because she fell down the stairs and had broken both her arms. I could barely contain myself, because the patient was there because he had broken both his arms.
"So to distract myself from crying..."
I laughed at my grandfather's funeral. Didn't shed a tear. It lead to few people ( neighbors , not family , fam knows what happened) thinking I did something bad to him.
My grandfather was bed ridden for 16 years ( his left side of the body was paralyzed) , I was 17 so basically all my life I've seen him bed ridden. And he was my best friend. He asked me not to cry and always think that God took him because he couldn't see him suffer anymore and wherever he's going he'll be happy. So to distract myself from crying I started thinking about all the good times we had and ended up laughing at one such memory. So yeah that was pretty terrible.
"His mom goes up..."
My friend's memorial service. He passed away at only 24. Obviously it's really somber and everyone is crying, his mom goes up to speak. One of my best friends who was one of his best friends used to joke about wanting to sleep with his mom. It was an ongoing dialect between them that was really hilarious.
His mom goes up, starts talking and he whispers "I still really want to motorboat your moms tits dude". Like four of us just lost it. It was extremely inappropriate and EVERYONE stopped and just looked at us. I tried to pretend I was crying to ease the tension.
Rest easy Chris, we all miss you.
"I buried my face in my hands..."
It happens to me more than I care to admit, but the worst time was at my brother's memorial. An aunt we had, who was a very nice person, had got religion recently and decided to sing a gospel song. The problem was she couldn't sing at all. She got up, with no backing music and sang a really out of tune gospel song. The worst part was she took really long pauses between some of the lyrics, so people started to clap thinking she was done with the song. She wasn't. This went on for like 5 minutes. She would pause, people would start to slow clap, then she would start caterwauling again. I buried my face in my hands and people sitting behind me started consoling me because they thought I was overcome with emotion, as my shoulders were shaking violently. I did have tears running down my face though.
I still feel very bad about this.
"In high school..."
In high school we watched a play where a girl dies of a drug overdose. The girl playing the part was way over dramatic, really chewing up the scenery, and when she finally collapsed dead on her bed the theater was dead silent. A kid in the audience yelled out "oh well" and the place exploded with laughter.
"At my Uncle Bill's funeral..."
At my Uncle Bill's funeral, my Aunt Mary claimed that she had "cared for him in his darkest times". I let out a solid "HA!". Everyone turned towards me. I finished with an uncontrollable giggle, poorly hidden behind my hand and a wad of tissues. No regerts. RIP Uncle Bill. 12/17/19.
When I was a kid I often found myself laughing at the most inappropriate reasons at things that were often not funny...
Case in point:
In 5th grade my class went on a field trip to see a Japanese Taiko drum performance at a local theater.
It was SO COOL, I was taken aback by how powerful the drums were.
About halfway through the performance one of the younger uber muscular Japanese American drummers came to the front of the stage and in a deep bass voice told us how he was going to sing us a song that his now dead grandfather taught him years ago. He started to tear up and rubbed away the tears.
He started singing.
It was in falsetto.
I'm not sure what it was, the song was BEAUTIFUL! but for whatever reason I felt an uncomfortable smile start forming on my lips. I panicked and internally started screaming "WHYNOW!?!WHYWHYWHYWHYWHY???" My lips parted to show my teeth and I giggled.
My teacher shot me a look and tutted under her breath and several of the girls next to me whispered that I was showing my true colors.
THE SONG WAS BEAUTIFUL!!!!
I never felt so betrayed by my body in my young life.
Years later I still think about that moment.
"In boot camp..."
In boot camp, I laughed at another recruit who was getting yelled at, because they were screaming some pretty funny s*** at him. Then they turned around to me...
"I started covering my mouth..."
Back when I was around 10-11 (ish), my family went to a funeral for an aunt that passed away due to cancer. My dad wasn't really close to/liked that aunt in particular (personal issues that are too boring to go into detail) but he still went to the funeral. He wasn't making a scene or talking bad about her or anything, he was just mainly keeping to himself.
So, during a moment of silence, my cousin (her daughter) started singing the Ave Maria as an eulogy (I guess) while everyone was sitting. Quietly, dad started mock-singing in a very high-pitch tone (quiet enough not to be heard by anyone around, loud enough to be heard by me, sitting by his side).
I started covering my mouth cause I wanted to laught so hard. The more I tried to contain myself the more my dad did the high-pitch singing, up to the point that my eyes were teary. Another aunt behind me saw me; bent over, holding my stomach and my mouth and I guess she thought I was crying. She leaned over and said: "Don't worry honey, she's in a better place."
I lost my s***. I lost it so bad. It was one of those laughing fits that the more you try to contain yourself, the more you laugh. Even my cousin stopped singing and just looked at me as if I had kill her mom myself. I excused myself and got out of there fast. I waited for the rest of my family inside the car while my the rest of the family just stared daggers at me.
During the car ride, I had to explain to my mom and my sister that my dad was the one who made me laugh. My dad just answered: "she's lucky I didn't bring my trombone and do the "wa-wa" while they were putting her on the ground."
"They asked to see my manager..."
I was 18-20 and working at a department store. 3 men walked up to me and struck up a conversation while buying white button up shirts.
Apparently they were buying matching shirts for a wedding. They asked if there was a child's suit section. One of them added "The best man lost so much weight..." I cut off the sentence with a chuckle, and he finished "that he died." and looked at me like I was a monster.
They all looked really sad or mad depending on who you looked at. They apparently were going to buy a suit for the son of the deceased that was stepping in for him.
They asked to see my manager and she was really disappointed in me for laughing at a story like that. I did my best to tell her that I had no idea it was something terrible like that and I was just laughing since I thought he lost so much weight he needed a kids suit. She didn't really buy it and she didn't respect me after that.
"LOL"emoji laughing GIF by Twitter Giphy
My dad, using 9 "laughing tears" emojis to announce that our family cat whom we love dearly had passed away.
My sister and I at our uncles funeral. Our uncles brother-in-law started singing it was bad. Sister and I looked at each other with big stupid 'what the heck' eyes. We both cracked up but tried to play it off as crying. She and I had always been the ones to laugh at awkward situations.
"Dear Ms Smith"
My daughter's teacher's mom died, and the sub had all of the kids make cards and asked me to drop them off, as she lived near me. I was chatting with the teacher as she looked through them and she burst out laughing and handed me one- "Dear Ms Smith, I'm sorry about your mom, but hey, we all gotta go sometime."
When my uncle died, his casket was being lowered into the ground, and my cousin threw a flower onto the coffin and said 'from Cornwall with love', and I started laughing because it sounded like the worst James Bond film ever.
I didn't "laugh" but when I used to get uncomfortable my facial expression would look like I was smiling. I did it when my teacher was telling a sob story about herself. She got furious because she thought I was making fun of her and tried to get my family to send me off to a living facility for mentally challenged children.
"WEEEEE"titanic GIF Giphy
I laughed the first time I watched titanic since my brother was going "WEEEEEE" when the boat tilted and people were sliding down it.
Anything at the library. Stuff didn't even have to be really funny, the fact that you needed to be quiet and this not allowed to laugh was insane. You tried to suppress it but the more you do, the funnier it gets until you just have to run outside and burst into laughter because the last name of a book's author sounded like.... a fart."
"there is nothing funny about this"
Once, a friend of mine got ACL reconstruction surgery and nearly died. They had mixed up the anesthesia for the spinal block and instead given her an emergency coagulant. She started having really bad seizures on the operating table and the doctors quickly put her in an induced coma. This lasted for two weeks (felt like a freaking eternity), during which they said they had no idea if the damage to her brain or other organs was permanent, or if she would ever wake up again.
The day it happened, I ended up leaving work early because I couldn't think straight, and as a result I missed a meeting I was supposed to go to. It wasn't a big deal but I had promised I would be there. The next day, a coworker asked me why I wasn't at the meeting. As I began to say that my friend was in a coma and we had no idea how bad it was but she may never wake up again, I started laughing uncontrollably. I even tried to say "there is nothing funny about this," but I just kept laughing and the coworker just looked at me in shock and confusion. I was pretty confused myself; I have never had that happen to me before or since that day. To this day I have no clue if she thought I was making up a ridiculous excuse to miss an unimportant meeting, thought I was a psychopath, or both.
My friend eventually made a full recovery, though she had to go back a second time to get the actual routine surgery she was meant to get in the first place.
EDIT: they gave her a coagulant, not an anticoagulant. If you nick a vein during a surgery and the patient starts to bleed a lot, they inject this stuff to keep them from bleeding out. This is what they accidentally put into her spine instead of anesthesia. Also corrected "spinal tap" to "spinal block." Sorry for my English!
"I'm a Fool"
In my Imperial Russian History course in university, one of the books was written by a guy with the last name "Overy" which sounds the same as "ovary" and I always had to suppress a giggle because I was and am an immature little moron haha.
One time on a school trip, a homeless man came up to me and was asking me for money, and my teacher shouted out (very loudly, in the middle of one of Paris's busiest squares) "don't look him in the eye!" Which made the giggles I was trying to hold in from being so nervous explode out of me. I got a serious telling off (from the same teacher) for "mocking the poor."
"Dear Ma & Pa"Work From Home Kids GIF by MOODMAN Giphy
As a kid I laughed during stressful situations, so I could barely hold it in when my parents were confronting me about almost flunking out of school.
Our entire 7/8 grade class (small catholic school) lost its shit when the teacher decided, in her infinite wisdom, to give a class about "flying buttresses." Every time she said it, we erupted into laughter. I still can't hear the word 22 years later without stifling a laugh.
"Feeling the Feels"
I still laugh during high stress situations. I have it under control but still will laugh as my first reaction to things, before I have time to process it and ponder it.
When my grandfather died when I was 10, my parents picked me up from my aunt and uncle's and went to my grandma. I don't remember all of it, but I remember my dad and I not playing around but he was making me laugh. They did tell me my grandfather died, but I hadn't processed it and just I was laughing.
My grandmother was extremely angry and basically shunned me for a couple of years. When I went home that night and saw the CD that I had borrowed from my grandfather on my desk, I broke down. I was crying hard and was very hurt.
Moral of the story is that my initial reaction may be laughing but it's not my first thoughts and feelings.
"Like a Sack of Potatoes"
Donating blood in college with a friend. We finish and go to the table for snacks where they have people to watch you, to make sure you don't pass out.
Well, my friend is 6'2" or something and meaty. We have a juice box and get ready to go. We both stand up and.... the life drains from his face and falls over like a sack of potatoes.... on top of another much smaller kid. Whelp I lose it and laugh like a hyena (to be faaaaaair I was also a bit light headed and out of it).
A nurse maybeeee 5 ft 100 pounds comes over and starts trying to roll my friend over , who is still unconscious on top of this poor kid who only went there to give blood.
He wakes up a minute later still on top of this dude, and I'm still laughing it up. The nurses then all give me the stink eye like I was somehow at fault here. I'm not a big guy and doubt I'd have been able to help even if I wasn't weak from donating. So I slink out of there with a smile on my face still but trying to hide it from the entire room now watching this scene play out with concern for my friend.
He's fine btw. And I love this story. 10/10 would laugh again.
"I know that Look"
Not me, but while we were watching a documentary about the KKK in school, and a klan member shows the camera his robes, the class weirdo said, "hey, my dad has that same jersey in his closet!" My friend lost it. I mean, he was wheezing and crying of laughter, but he tried to cover It up by pulling his shirt up. The teacher was so tired of him she didn't even care, so she tried to ignore it.
"Face First"Baby Reaction GIF Giphy
Once when I was about, say, four I slammed my face against my driveway knocking out my two front teeth. I was laughing the entire half hour my dad was freaking out with my bloody mouth.
Still to this day I don't know how I was able to laugh when I should've been crying in the scenario.
Edit: why the hell is my most upvoted thing a comment about my yeeting my two front teeth?
At my grandfather's funeral, my uncle named all of the grandkids by name and how they took on certain attributes of my grandfather. He named everyone but my middle brother and when he looked at me to say "WTF!!" I laughed, and so did my other brother.
A friend told me her grandma had terminal cancer, just a few minutes prior something funny had happened and it was still in my head. I started laughing about the funny thing, then realized how unbelievably inappropriate it was to be laughing at that moment, which just made me laugh harder. It was a vicious cycle that ended in a lot of apologizing.
I was in my low teens, maybe 13 or 14, and with my mom in the drive through at taco bell. We had just ordered, and pulled away from the speaker, when mom just.... Rear ends the people in front of us. No real reason other than the fact that mom can't freaking drive worth a crap. Never has been. So there we are, clogging up the line, mom's doing what she's suppose to, and I don't know how much was embarrassment and how much was the ridiculousness and absurdity of it... I MEAN COME ON! REALLY? AT A DAMN SNAIL'S PACE IN THE DRIVE THROUGH, AND ITS NOT LIKE YOU DIDN'T FREAKING SEE THEM!!!!
And mom asks me to look in the glovebox for some paper or other, which I do not find. But I do find a box of tic tac, which for some reason is suddenly hilarious to me, like the icing on the cake, and I cannot stop laughing. I'm certain this pisses mom off to no end, and looking back I feel terrible about it, but I just laughed and laughed, and offered mom a tic tac.
This girl in 8th grade used to pick on me like it was her job and she got everyone on my case too. One day, she was rocking back and forth in her chair and leaned too far back. Before she fell backwards, she threw herself forward and ended up hitting herself in the mouth. She lost 3 of her top front teeth, legit swallowed them. Blood everywhere.
"Windshield Art"waving home alone GIF by 20th Century Fox Home Entertainment Giphy
My mom picked me up from school during winter. As I got into the car, she started telling me that my dad had a heart attack. However I began laughing, because someone had drawn a massive penis in the snow on a teacher's windshield.
It was so detailed that it took genuine talent. My mom thought I was crying, I just pointed to the penis and she started laughing as well.
I was in an empty mall and I saw some kid run face first into a sign and basically clotheslined himself and I laughed so loud. It echoed through the whole mall. The mom was pissed but I just couldn't help it.
"PIZZA! PIZZA!"tobias funke space GIF Giphy
I watched a kid from a ski lift that definitely was just learning to ski screaming while bombing a slope and a couple seconds later a man following her yelling "PIZZA! PIZZA!" She ended up running into a fence at the bottom and looked okay when I made it down there so I didn't feel as bad laughing anymore.
"Where is my Camera?"
We were going home from school. One of my classmates fell down the stairs like, well, a log. She didn't bend, put a leg or hands forward, nothing. Imagine one person simply rotating forward and falling down the stairs (there were only 3 so she didn't got hurt). She was lucky that only I and a few friends were around to see it and we are good friends with her so we didn't tell it to anyone else too much. I still wish I filmed it
"Hellbound"Funeral GIF by memecandy Giphy
During my grandmother's funeral. The preacher's going on about how we'll see her again in heaven, when my brother leaned over and whispered "but not you."
I work in healthcare. A few years ago I was meeting with a 60-something year-old patient and their family member - both female - who for whatever reason I assumed was her adult daughter since they looked quite alike. We were wrapping up the appointment and were cracking a few light jokes. Addressing the patient's family member, I said something along the lines of "You must get that from your mother", referring to the patient. The patient cocked her head to one side and firmly stated, "She isn't my daughter, she's my sister." Before I had comprehended the gravity of that statement, I reflexively let out a laugh and smile that insinuated, 'that was a funny joke, you look 30 years older than her!'
They did not smile back. The patient proceeded to explain that the person she brought with her to this appointment was her older sister. However, since this patient did not take care of herself and appeared to be generations older than her healthy older sister, I had made the fatal mistake of assuming it was her adult daughter. Needless to say I didn't exactly bounce back from that one and actually felt quite badly for hurting her feelings.
A coworker informed me that he'd be picking up more shifts because he accidentally knocked up a woman he didn't even like.
I snorted, then quickly followed with "sorry that's terrible man".
His own fault. If it's going to rain, put on a raincoat kids.
"That's My Girl"
Yes, and I still feel bad. I came into a co-workers office, saw a picture of this little girl, probably 10-ish. Hair messed up, thick glasses, clothes that had zero chances of matching.
I say to him, "WTF is that" Laughing really hard
He answers "It's my daughter"
I'm like a deer in headlights. I thought it was a possible gag, other's had been placing really weird pictures on peoples desks saying it's family, etc. All as practical jokes. This was no joke.
"CRAZY"crazy nicolas cage GIF Giphy
My friend texted that a kid we went to high school with had died. I think what I meant to reply was "omg that's crazy" and what my phone sent was "hahahalol that's crazy." Upon realizing, I couldn't stop actually laughing.
"Give me a Hand"
I saw a news story about someone walking down the street and found half an arm, hand still attached, on the sidewalk. They picked it up and it was still warm. Contacted police and they said "we've been looking for that!"
Apparently someone was riding in a car with their arm out the window. A random hobo emerges from the brush and cuts off the arm and then throws it somewhere.
Obviously that's not a laughing matter but the sheer randomness of that happening caused me to laugh in surprise.
"I'm a Potty Person"
When I was about 9, my mom found one of my cassette tapes that I used with my tape recorder. It was FULL of potty humor. My mom was SUPER against potty humor.
So, she called me down and my heart SANK when I saw my tape recorder on the table and the look on her face meant I was going to get beat with a belt. I also knew it was coming because she had a belt sitting on the table too.
She told me to sit down and listen to it. And she pressed play. And I had to listen to recordings of me telling stories that were FULL of super creative but gross potty humor stories. Like the worst. While my mom glared at me.
And a few made me start snickering. I couldn't help it. I thought they were just too damn funny, even though I KNEW I was going to get beat worse just for laughing.
"XXXX + 1"
At my great grandmother's funeral, during the eulogy the officiant listed her survivors as "WinifredBarkle and her husband xxxx" this issue being that xxxx was my little brother and we were about 14 and 10 respectively. The whole first row started giggling and people farther back shushed us angrily. It became a running joke that it was official since the pastor said it.
My friend had called me and left a voicemail of my phone. He told me to call ASAP. This was weird because normally he calls me a fool or something on the phone. I end up going to his house since I thought something was wrong. He is sitting there on the chair and his wife was on the couch. He tells me that they are getting a divorce and that they need my help. (I'm an attorney). Well I laugh and say "well it's about time," since I thought he was joking. She ends up busting into tears and had me feeling like an moron.
My wife's grandmother died. There we are in church waiting for things to start, and I noticed they had a wifi router up in the rafters. I made a comment about it because I was sort of surprised to see it (been a while since I had been in a church), and my wife's uncle says "hey do you know why catholics hate wifi? They can't stand the thought of an invisible higher power that actually works." So yeah, right then.
"Air Sickness"Vomit Reaction GIF by moodman Giphy
All.... the.... time! My go to reaction is to laugh. Pissed off a lot of people that way.
Picked up a friend at the airport and she had gotten sick on the plane and threw up everywhere. When she was telling me about it I laughed instead of commiserated with her. Almost lost a friend that day.
I was working as a 4K Assistant Teacher and one of my students had a lot of emotional issues. Swearing, kicking, punching, screaming, etc. if something happened he didn't like.
One day we were having snack, and he'd had a really good morning. It was string cheese for snack and we always encourage the kids to do things for themselves so I asked him to open it himself.
He "tried" to open it and after a few seconds he casually tossed it on the table and said in a completely normal tone, "I freaking hate dis."
The casualness of the word "freaking" coming out of a 4yo's mouth was hilarious to me and I laughed but totally shouldn't have.
A few years back, my sister was doing a play with her theater group. One of her friends was doing a scene or something (idk what the hell they're called), and in this scene, she was walking to the front of the stage and singing. Well she walked off the stage! About a 4 and a half foot fall. Well my dumb fool started laughing so hard I fell out of my front row seat. Little did I know the the girls headset mic had come off her head and landed right in front of me. So Then the whole damn auditorium could hear me wheezing like I was gonna die. Fun times, no regrets!
I laughed at my husband for falling on an ice rink. It was super funny until he said he thought he broke his arm and his poor arm was just dangling there all gross. I felt bad for laughing after that, but he understood.
"Got Wood?"toy story swag GIF Giphy
Christmastime. This little kid got a Woody doll from Toy Story. He was running around telling everyone "Look, I got a woody!"
Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
- People Share The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Could Ever ... ›
- People Describe The Most Inappropriate Thing They Ever Did As A Kid - George Takei ›
No one wants war.
Who is going to light the powder keg and set it all off?
Which country will start WW3? Why?
Does anyone really want to start another world war?
They may not have a choice in the matter.
Getting It Out Of The Way Early
"Austrian here, we will do it again probably, I would like to say sorry in advance! Most plausible reason at the moment is because Germans eat schnitzel with sauce on top, then this conflict will spiral out again into WW3."
"Third time's the charm!"
-Some Austrian, probably
Civil War 2: Electric Boogaloo
"It'll be a civil war that devolves into a world war, with no one country clearly responsible for this change."
"But we'll blame it all on germany again, right"
Why I Oughtta...
"At this point, there are enough nukes in the world to ensure that a World War would simply result in nuclear annihilation on all sides. Say what you want about authoritarians like Xi Jinping, Kim Jung Un, and Ali Khameni, they are many things; but they're not suicidal. They know that an all out war would just end everyone, including them, so they're not going to. This is why the US and the USSR never went to all out war, despite coming close a few times; the risks were just too great for both sides."
"What could easily happen, however, is another cold war, this time between the US and China. And like in the Cold War, there could be proxy wars fought as a result of it, but it's unlikely that any country will take the insane risks of starting World War 3."
A full-blown world war is a tricky thing to get off the ground, that is if anyone wants it. The leading cause to impending war could come out of nowhere, or somewhere completely unexpected, or perhaps it will never come.
2-Day War Delivery
"Bruh its gunna be Amazon, not a country"
"Jeff Bezos finna be dropping Amazon basics nukes on us"
Can It Even Happen?
"I don't think the world can handle another world war. simply for the sake that we're all so interconnected. every major nation trades with each other and are in bed with each other. I would be a detriment to whatever country starts a war."
"Think about how the global supply chain has been impacted by the pandemic, the world would probably cease to function all together in a major conflict."
"There was a quote I liked, I think it was from Dan Carlin. He said that leading up to WWI Europe had become too economically entwined to go to war with itself, but none of the economists were invited to the war councils. The generals making the decisions didn't understand the situation so they made dumb decisions. The situation is undoubtably more-so interconnected today, the question is, do we have economists making the call on starting wars?"
A Little Humor Before We Get To The Serious Stuff...
"Probably America, I mean they made Wonder Woman 1 & 2, so highly likely they'd make WW3. At least start it. Not sure why someone else would finish it."
"No, they don't know how to count.. They jumped from WW1 to WW84."
Is it in the realm of possibility? Possibly.
After all, people will be people.
Anyone Else Surprised? No?
"America have a surplus of military might, a recent history of starting wars for profit, EVERYTHING is politicised and extreme nationalism and xenophobia are normalised within the populace. I'm going with them."
These All Feel Tangible
"My guesses would be 1) USA vs China over Taiwan or 2) China vs India (a lot on tension there that doesn't get a lot of news attention)"
"India-Pakistan and China-India are hot beds."
"India and Pakistan have been at war numerous times since their inception. 5 'official' wars and 9 minor skirmishes, to be exact. The last conflict ended with a ceasefire in 2003, but the last incident was a series of skirmishes along the Line of Control in Kashmir, from November 2020 to February 2021."
"Neither is capable of a full-fledged invasion of the other, so it's limited to border disputes. And while Pakistan does have nukes, it would be suicide to use them. There's no incentive for any other countries to get involved."
Going For It
"China making a move on Taiwan or some other land grab in India or other bordering countries."
An Infectious Idea
"India and Pakistan. It will spread to China, then North Korea (or North Korea first) and pull in many others in Asia. This will pull in NATO, either directly or via global partners (Australia)."
This One Makes WAY Too Much Sense
"Twitter. Someone will probably make a typo that everyone takes the wrong way..."
Well, what do you think could happen? Let us know in the comments.
Want to "know" more?
Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again.
Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
So let's talk about how a dog owner on Facebook learned her dog's "adorable" behavior was, in fact, furious masturbation.
Readers, if you know anything about me you know I love a good plot twist and I love chonky puppers.
Yesterday, life combined my two great loves in a hilarious and inappropriate way.
I was mindlessly scrolling through my dog groups on Facebook when a video with a few hundred laugh reacts but almost no comments caught my eye.
The still from the video was a pudgy little Frenchie, so obviously I had to read and watch.
The dogs owner shared the video along with a post asking professionals to shed some light on why he does what he does.
Owner-obliviousness as they gushed about how adorable it was made the awkward even better.
The owner explained the Frenchie often makes aggressive eye contact and licks his lips while he "plays air guitar"—which is what the family calls it—and how cute & funny they all find the behavior.
The video was the dog, casually chilling, using his paw to rub the tip of his penis while staring awkwardly at the camera and licking his lips like a pup possessed.
Three hundred and fifteen laugh-reacts—at the time that I saw it—and only three comments:
1. a vet explaining that the behavior showed in the video was the dog masturbating while making direct eye contact
2. the owner giving a simple "thank you" and
3. the admins of the group closing the comments.
So, why am I sharing this with you?
Because Reddit user Drakmamman asked:
"Dog owners of reddit, what the dog doin?"
... and so now you get this whole article just so I had an excuse to tell y'all about a furiously fapping Frenchie, 'cause somebody else needed to know about him.
I cackled for a good 20 minutes imagining the family getting all giddy about their dog "playing air guitar"—making the little air guitar meedly squeedly noises while he played, maybe even playing along thinking they're enjoying a fun little game—but they're really just been giving a hair metal soundtrack to their dogs stroke sesh.
Something tells me now the owner knows what "air guitar" really is, they're not likely to rush and tell Reddit all about how they've been gathering as a family to watch cause it's just so cute.
That's what I'm here for.
Anyway, here's the stuff other people's dogs are up to. It's not fapping—or if it is, the owners aren't telling Reddit.
"Wife just came home with the baby. Dog is acting like she's been abandoned for years running up and down, barking and jumping on everything."
"They'd only been out an hour and I was with her the whole time." - Single_Goose7015
"My dog does this too when my wife comes home. Like what am I, chopped liver?" - jackof47trades
"I feel your pain. My dog started howling mournfully when my partner went back to work last week… I was right there!" - TreatOutside
"Staring at the door waiting for the only human he cares about to come home (obviously not me)" - SnarkyRedhead
"Probably trying to herd the cats."
"He's a border collie mix who's afraid of goats and sheep, but even after six years of living with them he still thinks he can control where the cats go."
"He's a good boy, he's very persistent, but not terribly bright sometimes." - TokesNotHigh
"After 8 years our border collie still herds the cats, and the vacuum." - psychologicaluse28
"Big heart, small brain. I have one of those dogs too. They are the sweetest." - Technobucket
"She has flung herself flat across the bed and is playing dead, quiet except for the occasional pitiful whine. Every now and then she lifts her head up and fixes a desperate look upon me, silently begging for release from her wretched existence."
"She's a bit overdramatic about having to wear a cone. The issue is an abrasion on a toe that she won't stop licking, which is making it worse."
"I've been alternating between bandaging it and having her wear a cone. She's been consistently a drama queen." - halfinboxes
"Staring at me because their dinner time is in one hour and they need to start letting me know that, in an hour, they need to eat...in an hour, so I better not forget...cuz they're hungry, which is why they're staring at me...and it's almost dinner time."
"Just one more hour, And they want to make sure I don't forget. Because maybe I will."
"So, they need to remind me. By staring at me. Every day. One hour before dinner." - MotherOfFred
A Little "Light" ExerciseGiphy
"Mine loves light reflected off watches or phones. And loves lasers."
"It's sunny and he sees light on the wall so he is bothering me to use my watch or phone so he can chase the light. I've spent the last hour doing it."
"I even got him a cat laser toy that's automatic for him and he runs himself tired as all hell with it. But he is STILL asking for it."
"Used the laser toy also too, so he is panting dripping tongue and still wants to play more..." - boomgoon
"Last night my dogs chased down and killed a rabbit in the backyard. They are usually so gentle; this was weird and unexpected."
"I watched the whole thing helpless because it was so fast. The rabbit screamed, it was insane."
"Now, I'm watching them sleep on my couch and can't help but think they just murdered someone."
"They are just vicious predators, right here, in my house. On my couch."
"But they snuggly as f*ck. This trips me out." - Atheist_Redditor
A Problematic PrincessGiphy
"We have two chihuahuas. One is a 15 year old (quite appropriately) named Princess and one is a one year old named Charlie."
"Both have their own dog beds on the couch since they are spoiled."
"When Princess is feeling particularly moody or like asserting her dominance, she will drag Charlie's bed into her bed and lay on top of BOTH of them and snarl at him if he comes close to her personal space bubble/bed mountain."
"And when we tell her she can't have both beds and put his bed back to the side, she just glares at us. Lol." - mslm90
"She's currently in her cage resting after her great adventure."
"She managed to get upstairs and grab a hold of one of my shoes. Not just any old shoe, but one of the shoes I am planning to wear this weekend for my wedding."
"After running around, she dropped the shoe to chew on a shirt - at which point she was cornered, and then brought downstairs."
"Pup and shoe are both unharmed and doing well. My nerves, not so much." - still_interesting23
So ... what's YOUR dog been up to lately?
Want to "know" more?
Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again.
Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
Have you ever fantasized about what it would be like to win the lottery? Having money for the rest of your life, as far as the eye can see, to cover your expenses.
And have you thought about all the things you would buy if you could really afford them? Are they ALL practical things, or are some of them silly?
We always love to fantasize about what life would be like if money were no object. And you are not alone!
Redditor OnlyVillager asked:
"If you won the lottery, what's something 'useless' that you would buy?"
Here were some of those answers.
I Be The Witch Of The Wood
"My teenage daughter disclosed to me the other day that her biggest life goal is to buy a house on an acreage that has a large wooded area."
"She plans to build me a house in the woods, fund whatever ridiculous bullsh*t art installations I want to erect in the woods, then spread rumors in neighboring towns that a witch lives back there."
"She's the best."-OpossumJesusHasRisen
My Kingdom For A Castle
"I'm blowing it all on a castle. No, not one of those fairy tale mansions from the 19th century robber barons called 'castles'.
"A fully loaded, honest-to-god, obsolete, medieval fortress. Two curtain walls, a keep, towers, barbican, portcullis, murderholes, loopholes, machicolations, the works. It'll be a well warmed summer retreat/place to hide out if another plague hits the world."
"I'm buying Au Train island in the Upper Peninsula to be specific. When the feds finally come after billionaires to pay their fair share, I'm running to my island and sealing the gates behind me."
"So I can get my affairs in order and pay my taxes. What were you thinking I was gonna do? Hide from the IRS? They can breach any castle lmao."-DaemonTheRoguePrince
I Wanna Be A Billionaire
- "I want a cold water dispenser on my desk. It has to be connected to the water line, filtered and cooled. Ideally it also has that thing that automatically knows when the container is almost full."
- "My new lifestyle would be to live 4 weeks in a different city, then 1 week at home. In each city, I would stay in a Luxury Airbnb or a five star hotel."
- "I would hire a professional soccer coach. I'm talking someone that trains pro players. I'm Arab and I'm tired of not being good at soccer, just a few months of lessons and I'll be able to participate in pick up games and have fun."
- "I would also hire singing, guitar and piano instructors. Singing would be the toughest because my voice sucks, but I figure with time I can be good enough to sing a song if I want to reference it. That's how bad I am today."-Reformedjerk
Imagine just not having to think when you click the "purchase" button.
A Nice Siesta
"Maybe not exactly "useless" in the way people are thinking (the way the question is asked makes me think by "useless" they mean "stupid/wasteful" but I'm thinking in terms of things that are fun and only for the purpose of having fun), but do vacations count?"
"If I had that much money all to myself, I would 100% rather have a regular sized house/car and spend the money on experiences instead."
"The idea of having a normal life but knowing that I can just decide to take the day off and go to DisneyLand or treat myself to a fancy dinner whenever the hell I want to is a fantasy I've had since I was literally a little kid."
"I get that those aren't useful things because they're not things I could USE like a car/house/purse/etc, but I'd definitely be happy:)"-StreetIndependence62
"Well this stuff is only useless if there isn't some sort of apocalyptic event that happens in my lifetime."
"That said, I'd go full prepper and bury myself a bunker in the desert with tons of food and water stored away and decked out with solar panels, a garage full of electric cars, and a stash of every sort of modern electronic equipment available in vast quantities."
"So this would be a huge waste of money if there's never an apocalypse. But it would be very valuable to me if there happens to be one."-TimHawks1983
"I have always wanted a talking toilet. I don't even know why at this point. I just saw it on a tv show, don't even remember what, and since that day I have thought 'yes, I want this.'"
"But right now, with my paupers wage, I cannot afford such a thing. I have a lot of serious plans for lottery level money. I would open a shelter for homeless people and start my own dog shelter. As well as my own theme park."
"But I would still get a talking toilet."-MagnificentColossus
Put Your Bird On My Shoulder
"I would get into falconry, vintage guitars from the 50s and 60s, a live in Cook, most of the surfaces that I touch would be marble, and I would save a significant portion of my money to split between investments and gambling on riskier stocks."
"Depending on how much money a private jet would be in the cards as well as a flight license. This is one of my favorite things to daydream about"-freemason777
The best part of all of this is, it doesn't matter that these things are useless.
They bring us joy, and that is what matters.
"Boring" "Flame Thrower"???
"Definitely a boring company flame thrower. And a Barrett M82."
"Probably a supercar too, but not to drive it. I want to light it on fire in a public space as an appeal to consumerism right before I go take a private jet to Nappa Valley to eat at the French Laundry and get hammered on the most expensive bottles of wine I can find."-xdylanxfrommyspace
"There are many things I bought that I regretted it immediately. I love to try new stuff. Especially no-brand or brand that is not famous. My curiosity is very high, that is the problem."
"I wanted to know whether those products are okay for human being. For example, I bought BioAqua face products. The most product I regret is BioAqua aloe vera. After my third use of the product, I actually experience worst allergic in the world."
"My skin had a lot of red patches appeared in just few hours. It was itchy but not painful. Just I keep scratching my skin but I tried my best to control it."
"It took about three - five days to keep it clear with medication and creams. Then after a couple of weeks, I decided to use it again. I got the reaction."
"Thankfully, I still have the medication and the cream. So, I took it immediately. I also did not apply the cream that much compared to previous time."
"I still have the aloe vera bottle in my room. I wanted to throw it but I could not throw it. Yet, I cannot use it and yes, I feel sad when I saw it. So, you can understand how I feel."-nimbledealing53
Hobby Hobby Hobby!
"If I won the lottery - I would open a shop for my favorite hobby. I would manage it like a business, giving a decent wage to several workers allowing them to pursue a degree or whatever and have a job that doesn't suck."
"I'd lose money on running a store. But I'd enjoy it. I'd enjoy sharing my hobby, selling the stuff I love at reasonable prices and giving a few young people a good job in a stress free environment."
"Useless store, great life experience for the people I'd employ."-Dealthagar
Money doesn't solve all of the world's problems or all of a person's problems, even—but it certainly does make life a little easier here and there for those who need it.
Hopefully the 21st century sees all of us buying things with our millions of dollars.
Want to "know" more?
Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again.
Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
One of the most freeing realizations I've had was when I understood that not everyone was going to like me.
That's just the way it is for all of us, and I learned that it would be unfair for me to dedicate so much time worrying about what others might think.
It changed my life—improved it, I'd say.
That, combined with my willingness to take responsibility for my own actions, was crucial to my self-development.
Whether it's an epiphany or experience, there are many things that can happen and can successfully shift your perspective.
People shared their stories after Redditor drewyourstory asked the online community:
"What life event or experience changed your perspective?"
"From this, I learned..."
"Nearly died of a post-surgical hypoxic brain injury, followed by a variety of problems subsequently."
"From this, I learned that mortality is a fragile thing in a random, amoral universe."
It truly is. We really have no say in it either.
We really do not have control.
"Once you get your own place..."
"Once you finally get your own place, you appreciate and feel gratitude for things that you used to take for granted."
"It's helped me maintain..."
"My husband died after a sudden short illness. My life is divided by that point in time."
"There is before and after, I'm a different person now nearly 12 years later but I'm okay with that. It's helped me maintain a good perspective dealing with my current partner's stroke."
"He's doing ok but will never have the mobility he once had. Just taking one day at a time."
Sorry for your loss.
Silver linings exist... even in tragedy.
"I can put up with..."
"My spouse developed a chronic pain illness. She spent months in debilitating pain and there wasn't a goddamn thing I could do to help."
"When we finally got a diagnosis, she was able to start on some medications that improved her quality of life to near where it had been."
"Suddenly little problems just didn't seem important anymore. I can put up with a whole hell of a lot more than I ever thought possible because at least my partner's not in burning pain constantly anymore."
Thankfully, your partner is healthier, and the experience undoubtedly made you a stronger person!
"I had both hips replaced..."
"I had both hips replaced at 25 and will owe money for the rest of my life."
"My debt to income ratio keeps me from normal things like owning a house. I don't sweat missing a bill now and then anymore."
Society really should not allow this to happen.
"I think every single human..."
"I think every single human has experienced the feeling of post-traumatic guilt caused by something they've done in the past."
"For example, in elementary school, I had a best friend whose family was struggling financially. One day, he brings coins (pennies and nickels only) for his school lunch that day."
"I, for some stupid reason, smacked the change out of his hand as he took the change out to count how much he had."
"I got yelled at by the principal, who was walking behind me, and got suspended. Ever since that day, I have never ever made fun of someone's financial stability, given people money (especially the homeless), and never smacked anything out of anyone's hands."
"That moment changed my perspective on how the treatment towards others comes back to bite you."
"Holding my eight year old brother as he died from extreme medical incompetence then being stuck with his body for twenty minutes as a ventilator made his corpse breathe and a fault in the heart monitor didn't trigger the alarm to bring help and the nurses ignored the call light because they were 'busy with another patient'."
"I cared about people before then. I can switch that off and on at will now."
"Being from Canada..."
"Being from Canada, we're pretty sheltered here, so traveling to other parts of the world and seeing how poor some communities are really made me realize how lucky we are and how good we have it."
Many people in the Western world would learn a hell of a lot if they were humbled by the way others around the world live.
"I love him..."
"Having a child with autism. He is the most loving, kind, intelligent young man."
"I love him more than anything in the world, but I have to consider everyday events that others take for granted. There are things that will be overly stressful for him, and without any glaring differences, people are often not understanding."
"Family gatherings, grocery store visits, haircuts, the dentist, everything is planned."
"The world can be a noisy, chaotic, inconsistent place which are all things he really hates, but he meets every challenge head-on and I couldn't be prouder to call him my son."
"Have you ever just stood..."
"Have you ever just stood and looked at a dead person? The first dead person I ever saw was my father... I've seen probably more than my share after that too."
"Looking at someone with their lights permanently turned off changes something in you."
No one is immune from life's tragedies or trials and tribulations.
How do you handle them, though? That's the real test.
Have some stories of your own? Feel free to tell us more in the comments below!
Want to "know" more?
Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again.
Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.