Woman's Husband Looks Though Her Cell Every Time She Leaves The Room--And She Wants To Know How To Shut It Down
My husband(30M) and I(27F) have been married for a little over a year. I've always kept my phone password and fingerprint protected because I've hung out with IT people and seen the things they do to unlocked phones. So the locked phone isnt a new thing. I've never cheated and I've never given my husband any reason to think that I would. My daily routine is generally that I go to work then come home and hang out with him unless I go to class or hang out at my friend's house.
However, when I'm home, if I leave my phone unlocked and walk away from or turn my back to my phone he is on it. He's scrolling through my texts, pictures, emails, etc as quickly as he can before I come back or turn around.
If he sees a message from a number that I don't yet have saved to my phone he goes in and reads the conversation. When I catch him he always comes up with some reason "Oh, I was looking for that pic I sent you on Halloween." But then he'll ask about something he's seen in my phone "why do you have pictures of your feet?" I'll answer him honestly "After I get pedicures I take pictures of the designs I really like in case I want that same design again" and he'll drop the topic. Or he'll ask me about numbers that I dont have saved to my phone and who the person is and why I'm talking to them, I'll answer him but the behavior repeats.
When I bring up that I feel weird about him going through my phone he says that I shouldn't unless I have something to hide. I've explained to him that I dont have anything to hide but that my phone contains my private conversations with my friends and that it feels like an invasion of my privacy or like he's reading my diary. I've told him that I would gladly unlock my phone and go through it with him if it would stop this behavior but he refuses and says that I'm being paranoid about it and it's not a big deal. What are your thoughts on this situation?
rabid_floofball sought advice from Reddit on how she should handle her husband's snooping.
Submissions have been edited for clarity, context, and profanity.
It's pretty clear there is a lack of trust.
Your husband doesn't trust you at all and that's a huge red flag for your marriage. How do you even know if you have anything to hide when you don't know what he's looking for in the first place?
Your husband is being completely unreasonable and I'm not sure why you got married to someone who has shown they don't trust you.
This is something that has just started happening the past 2 months. It wasnt going on when we got married. I'm not sure what caused it. My behavior and routine haven't changed.
Well, something is going on in his life that has caused him to lose trust in you. I know you probably don't want to hear this next part, but a lot of times, his sudden lack of trust in you is him projecting on you because he's doing something untrustworthy himself. Has his behavior changed in any other ways recently? Has he started to spend more time at work or has there been a change in your sex life? I'd be concerned he's hiding something from you himself right now.
That's kind of what I thought too but as far as I can tell nothing has changed with him. He goes to work and then comes home. If he goes out he wants me to come with him. If I don't want to go he either doesn't go or he argues with me until I tell him that I need time alone and he should go with our friends. In those instances he'll send me pictures to show me what I'm missing out on. So I'm kind of at a loss for what it could be.
Consider counseling because hubby could be projecting.
He doesnt want to go through it with you because you could still 'hide something'. He is showing you and telling you that he does not trust you and no amount of compromise to ease his trust issues will make him trust you. Consider couples counseling to work through his insecurities together (although, logically, he shouldve gotten himself into solo therapy to change his insecurities himself, but).
If youre going to otherwise let this slide, youll just have to make sure your phone is always locked if it is not in your hand.
Thank you. I'm careful now about leaving my phone unlocked. I should have mentioned in the post that this is a new behavior for him in the past 2 months. I have no idea what caused the behavior change.
Be aware that it could be projection. He is doing something wrong, so he is trying to find you doing something wrong too to justify his wrong doings.
That's kind of what I thought too. I will note that when I'm texting with my friends he'll ask me about it i.e. who am I texting, what are we talking about, etc. I'm tell him who I'm talking to but will tell him that the content is none of his business as it's private and he'll drop the matter.
The only thing you can really do is try to talk to him about it and/or go to couples counseling together about this issue.
He's wrong to breach your privacy.
He is wrong. Everyone deserves privacy. I would never unlock my phone for someone to go through. It's not theirs. I don't care if I am calling my dentist for an appointment -- it's my private business.
He has issues with trust and you have issues with setting a boundary.
Don't accept being punished for having boundaries.
This is very problematic. You can just as easily turn his reasoning back on him - "Shouldn't you trust me enough as my partner not to snoop through my phone without permission? I don't do that to you."
It's a lack of respect on his part to invade your privacy, and beyond that it's even more worrying that he LIES to you about it. (Saying he was looking for pictures then asking about conversations.) You need to call him on this bullshit.
"Husband, you seem to feel the need to go through my phone and look through all my conversations to feel secure in our relationship. As you've seen multiple times, there's nothing worrying in there. Yet when I ask why you're doing this, you'll say you were just looking for a picture when I can clearly see you reading through all my messages. You'll even ask questions about them, all of which I've answered.
You have trust issues, yet by lying to me about your reasons, you're the one acting untrustworthy yourself. I don't appreciate you saying my very reasonable request to keep my private conversations private is 'paranoid,' when I've even offered to go through them with you. Yet more than the fact you're digging into my personal texts, it's upsetting to realize you don't trust me when I've given you absolutely no reason to think otherwise.
I know some part of you clearly feels guilty about this and knows it's wrong, because you attempt to hide your actions from me. How can we address this?"
There are plenty of reasons someone wouldn't want their partner going through their texts that aren't malicious. Maybe they're trying to plan a surprise for them. A friend discussed personal information that they didn't feel would be respectful to share with others. They wanted help bringing up a sensitive issue and didn't want to discuss it with their partner before working out their feelings and making sure they phrased it kindly. They shared they were feeling down about an unrelated issue with a friend and didn't want to burden their partner at the time.
He needs to respect your boundaries instead of blaming you for having them.
Lock your phone, obviously.
Be more careful about leaving your phone unlocked when he's around. Don't leave him any openings to snoop. A normal person in a good relationship who trusts you would have no issue with you keeping your phone locked, they wouldn't even notice you're doing it. If he brings it up and asks why you've been keeping your phone locked more than usual you will have strong evidence that HE is the one who is paranoid and has a problem.
Sounds like insecurity on his part, and that's not your fault.
He's insecure and lacks basic trust. Sometimes it comes from low self esteem and sometimes it comes from projecting his own suspicious behavior onto you or perhaps guilt from his own past. If I were you I would be interested to know which it is.
Lock your phone and see what happens if he can't access it.
He doesn't trust you and he's looking for dirt. Set your phone so it locks automatically after the shortest amount of time possible. See what happens after a few weeks of him not being able to look at anything in your phone at all.
Don't indulge his paranoia. If he asks about your phone, refuse to answer.
Completely stop answering his questions about anything on your phone. Responding to his suspicious queries will only serve to ensure that he'll continue to make them.
Tell him you're not going to respond anymore, and why, and that it's a hard boundary, not up for negotiation. Shut down any argument by changing the subject, and if that doesn't work, leave the room. Do not fight with him. Leave the home if he persists.
If that doesn't work and he's still suspicious, insist on counseling.
Ask to see his phone.
"I have nothing to hide and if you ask, I am happy to show you specifics. But I'm just not comfortable with you going through my phone; it's insulting. If you have concerns you need to tell me; because this is a new development, it's hurtful, and I've done nothing to deserve mistrust. What has changed? Because I want a marriage based on mutual trust."
Make it clear it isn't that you want to hide your phone from him; you'll show him specifics. It's his entitlement to your phone, the fact that it's new behavior, and is essentially disrespectful of your privacy and is insulting.
Get your hands on his phone too OP. Without warning. Casually in the conversation. "I'd like to see your phone as well." He will likely hand it over. Any hesitation, and this is projection.
Tell him to stop disrespecting you.
Don't leave your phone unlocked around him, his behavior is sh*tty and disrespectful. Tell him as much.
We've all said something stupid, let's not lie to ourselves.
It's okay to say something stupid. It showcases the real person on the inside, that we're all flawed, imperfect, and made of cooky combinations of words that don't necessarily line up to make sense. Sometimes we're nervous in a situation, other times we're just hitting 'Quick Reply' in our brains and what comes out doens't work, but whatever the reason, you for sure are going to remember it, late at night, for the rest of your life.
Reddit user, u/marginalpotato, wanted to know when the foot should have been in the mouth when they asked:
What is the stupidest thing that ever came out of your mouth?
You may not have to change your home address because of these moments, but you should probably reconsider how many public outings you go to afterwards.
Should Probably Never Shop At That Store Again
"When the cashier said "Have a nice day", and I replied with "No, thanks".
"Background: I wasnt thinking straight that day, and thought they said "Do you want a bag"
That's. How. Twins. Work?
"Her: the twins are 3 years old"
"Me: Both of them?"
"Oh no this unearthed a memory i had buried from kindergarten lmao"
"We had a set of twins in our classroom and once on their birthday party I said "your brother got such a cool party, i hope yours is nice like this too" to one of them and he was like "yeah, this one"
"4 year old me was not a very bright kid"
That's. How. Death. Works...
"Watching the documentary 'The Last Dance' when a Kobe interview pops up -"
"Me: "Wow, they must have filmed this before Kobe died."
"My wife: "Yeah, obviously…."
The cringe comes out of nowhere, and you're not even sure how you were able to ask something so incredibly stupid, but here you are. Lounging in the stupid air.
You Should Have Asked What "Nothing" Tastes Like Next
"In my head I was wondering what one pound of water would look like in terms of volume. What I said out loud however was "How much does a pound of water weigh?"
Keep Up With Me
"A couple of months ago, I got up and drove to work as usual. Later, my girlfriend texted me from home to ask me if she had left her sunglasses in my car. I told her I wasn't sure, but she could grab my spare key and go check."
"In my car."
"Which I had driven to work."
Black Is White, White Is Black
"I don't understand why people place bets on who wins, why not just place bets on who loses?"
"Yeah took me a minute to register what I said..."
And then there's these stories, where the person is probably better off cutting off any human contact henceforth going forward. These are rough to get through, folks.
Should Probably Have A Chat With HR After This
"I was about 4 months into my current job, feeling confident being fresh off the contract-to-hire period, now moved into a coveted full time role. While walking back to my office from the morning kanban I was stopped by my boss, head peeking out of the office:"
"Boss: "Hey TheMediator, do you have a sec?"
"Me: "For you, I've got lots of secs!"
"Boss: wide-eyes, mouth dropped"
"If you're curious why this was incredibly stupid/embarrassing, try saying the phrase "lots of secs" out loud. Preferably, not to your boss though."
You Don't Need College Anymore. Go Home. Bury Your Head In The Sand.
"In my freshman year of college I was dorming next door to a couple cute girls. About a week into the first semester one girl walked from the coed showers to her dorm room in her towel still wet. We were both unlocking our doors to get in our rooms when she looks at me and says…"
"I know I look stunning…(sarcastically)"
"To which I replied, "don't flatter yourself."
"I had to slid a note under her door explaining I was tongue tied as she was beautiful and I meant to say "don't be hard on yourself, you look great." (Or something to that nature). We became good friends."
It's In The Descriptor?
"Chatting to a homeless guy on the street and he told me he was feeling unwell. I told him he should be at home, resting."
"It's been 20 years and the memory of it still brings me out in a cold sweat."
Oh Good Lord...
"Asked my friend how his mom was doing at his moms funeral."
"Jesus Christ this is the worst one on this thread. What was his response?"
"He looked at me and then the casket and kind of smirked. I awkwardly started to try and explain and just said "I'm an idiot. You know I love you. Talk to you in a bit." He makes fun of me now and I can't stop laughing. It's a positive painful memory."
Own up to your mistakes. You'll garner more respect by acknowledging the awkward things you say, however, it's perfectly fine to laugh about it in the moment. That's probably the easiest way to escape the deep, deep shame.
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People Break Down Their Best 'I Don't Know, I Didn't Think I'd Get This Far' Experiences
The advice "fake it til you make it," though often said with at least a hint of sarcasm, does carry quite a bit of wisdom.
By simply putting one foot in front of the other, weathering the chaos of not knowing what's happening as you learn as fast as possible, we can find ourselves further than we expected.
Once we're there, reaping the fruits of all our "faking," we somehow begin to take on a new identity in people's eyes They assume we've always been in control and known what was going on. They defer to us for advice.
But that couldn't be further from the truth. So we keep on faking it.
Redditor espectro11 asked:
"What's your 'I don't know, I didn't think I'd get this far' moment?"
Many Redditors discussed their experiences navigating the intimidating environment of job applications, interviews, and offers.
Oh Right, Getting Paid
"I gave my resume to fancy private school (I'm a teacher, but new to the field) and I didn't expect a call back. But they called me today to ask my expected salary and I said 'I don't know what the average is. Let me Google it.' "
"Ya girl was not prepared."
Uhhhh, Uhhhhh
"When I went for a walk-in interview looking like crap and they hired me on the spot. I get they were hiring for a new store, but they up and said 'if you want the job it's yours, when can you start?' "
"Deada** didn't think I'd make it that far."
-- NewtNeutral
Outside the Box
"Years ago I was applying to a bunch of copywriting jobs and feeling frustrated because I wasnt hearing back from any of the places I was applying to."
"It was especially frustrating because I was putting in all this time on cover letters and I felt like nobody was even reading them, so I said, 'Fu** it, I'm gonna write one that is more me.' I thought it was a dumb idea and never imagined that it would work, but somehow it did."
"I applied with this cover letter and the subject line "Copywriter: Will Work for Beer" to a job that I was very underqualified for. It managed to catch the eye of the headhunter for the ad agency and was enough to get me an interview. Shortly after that I was hired and ended up working there for a few years, but I remember thinking on my first day, 'I can't believe that actually worked.' "
-- -eDgAR-
Just Not the Right Fit
"An interview at Google. The 20 years younger than me was describing the peer review system."
"I responded with 'Jesus, that sounds awful.' "
"I did not get the job."
Others also shared experiences that centered on their working lives. But these stories weren't about being hired or interviewed.
These were accounts of long-developing success stories that they never would have predicted.
A Winding Road
"My entire legal career"
"I have four degrees and a 10 year career in commerical litigation. I just wrapped up a $200mil trusts lawsuit."
"I started at uni doing theatre and stand up comedy. I have no fu**ing idea where I turned to get here."
-- lawyerlady
Big Fish
"Started at a very small company doing sales straight out of college. I went about messaging big corporate players (who obviously would never do business with us since our size) and was laughed at by my new colleagues for even trying."
"2 weeks later My boss was asking me what we (a team of 6) should say on the conference call with Toshiba Buyers."
-- TheBFG420
Putting Fires Out
"Me at work. I feel like every issue that comes up has me unprepared. But I am always praised for my good work."
"So, I assume I have imposter syndrome and keep doing what I am doing."
-- 47-Rambaldi
So next time you find yourself ruling a possibility out completely, maybe take just a few seconds to imagine it actually occurred and prepare.
You just never know.
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| Image by Free-Photos from Pixabay |
I'm going to be perfectly honest––I'm a city boy. I'm not a huge fan of hiking or camping. I happen to be a huge fan of running water. Have you heard of it? It's great. Highly recommended.
I've also, on a more humorous note, watched far too many horror films over the years and don't particularly like idea of running off into the woods only to piss off some demon that was perfectly fine until I arrived. I also have immense respect for our friendly neighborhood serial killers and demonstrate this regularly by staying out of their territory.
Those who love the great outdoors had plenty to share after Redditor Your_Normal_Loser asked the online community, "
Hikers of Reddit, what is the weirdest or creepiest thing you've come across while hiking?"
"The only reason..."
"When we were exploring the Australian Outback as university students, my friend and I found an old, tightly wrapped plastic bag with five or six damaged wallets along shrubbery at the base of a cliff.
The only reason we opened it up was because we were so remote - hundreds of kilometres from any town or tourist attraction - that it was strange to see garbage out there. All the cards were in female names and birthdates placed them in their late teens to early 20s. Some lived in the Northern Territory but one was in Sydney and another from Queensland. At the time we figured rock climbers must have stored their valuables in the bag and then lost track of it. I'll never forget the strange look the police officer gave us when we handed them in."
You see... this is why I wouldn't go mess around in the Australian Outback.
I also may or may not have watched Wolf Creek one too many times.
"A recliner..."
"A recliner on a small hill with a hole dug out in the middle and water bottles all over the place."
"A trashed campsite..."
"A trashed campsite complete with the tent cut open...
...do you report these things, or what?"
Probably?
Or maybe not... you might want to turn back.
"The walls were completely plastered..."
"I was walking in a thick forest and came across an opening. In the center there was a shack made of lumber, with a bench built into it that was slightly leaned back.
The walls were completely plastered in porn."
Well... that's one way to get off.
"The man stopped talking..."
"I was backpacking with a few friends. A few days in the middle of nowhere, a man approached our camp as we were cooking dinner to say hi. We talked about our routes for a few minutes. Out of nowhere, he told us that he had had a vasectomy in his 30s after his 2nd child. Then somehow his wife had gotten pregnant with his 3rd child. He didn't believe this was possible, so he demanded a DNA test to see if he was actually the father. He was. Still, he explained that he had his doubts and thought that his wife must have fixed the DNA test.
My friends and I were in our 20s and had no idea why this guy was telling us this. We all just nodded and smiled.
The man stopped talking and then just walked away into the night."
"I stepped in..."
"I stepped in and fell over a cow carcass on a night hike. It was a bright moonlit night but I didn't see it in the shadows. Thankfully it was mostly dry."
"We still have no idea..."
"I was in the woods with three friends at night. A friend's house was nearby and I was getting hungry so I went inside to find some food. Another friend came inside with me. Two friends were still outside.
Later on, one of the two who outside came in and sees the indoor friend on the couch next to me. They panic and immediately run back outside.
I poke my head out the door asking what's going on, only to hear them yell as loudly as they can, "THAT'S NOT KEVIN"
Everyone comes inside and calms down a bit, and the story comes out. They thought the friend who was indoors with me (Kevin) had been outside with them this entire time. Why? Because in the darkness of the woods they saw a silhouette about the same height walking alongside them silently, then at some point it ran away and they were chasing it thinking Kevin was running off for some reason. The reason my friend yelled, "That's not Kevin" was to stop the last outdoor friend from chasing whoever was out there deeper into the woods.
We still have no idea who that was or why they didn't even speak."
This story sent a chill running down my spine.
Who was that?!
Perhaps figuring it out would be even scarier.
"Went hiking with my dad..."
"Went hiking with my dad one day over a ridge. A girl from the group in front of us tripped and slid down one side and was just able to hold on to the tiniest branch from the only tree around. Had she slid down all the way she certainly would be dead or massively injured!"
"I was trying to make my way across..."
​"I was hiking in Washington sometime in December. I was trying to make my way across a river but the bridge was out. I was walking along the shore looking for a shallow spot but couldn't find one. I saw some footprints leading down the bank, my thought was that someone was trying to do what I was doing and decided to track the prints to see if they crossed. It was not easy but I followed the prints for about a mile. As I approached what looked like a crossing I heard a loud BANG like a stick hitting a tree. I froze for a few seconds and heard no other noises. I just slowly back up keeping my eyes on the other side of the river. Could not shake the feeling that I was being watched. Got the hell out of there quick as I could."
There are few feelings creepier than the feeling of being watched. It makes you feel like you've been violated in some way.
Thankfully you got out of there!
"I thought it was a magical, beautiful moment..."
"I was hiking with some friends, and I saw a cluster of butterflies on the ground. I thought it was a magical, beautiful moment until I realized they were congregating on a pool of blood. It turns out that someone had been hiking on the bluffs above earlier that day, and had fallen off and died."
Sooo... still want to go hiking or camping? None of this changed your mind? None of it?
It was nice knowing you. I'll stick with my running water.
Have some creepy stories of your own? Feel free to tell us about them in the comments below!
Have some experiences of your own? Have you also survived the hospitality industry? Feel free to tell us about it in the comments below!
| Image by Clker-Free-Vector-Images from Pixabay |
Time is of the essence. And time is not definable. Those are lessons we learn as we get older; as times passes and fluctuates in front of us.
Time is always fleeting yet always catches up to us. I find myself shocked when I wake up on certain days and realize I'm a particular age of my parent that sticks out for me.
Like, how did that happen? I guess I should just be thankful I'm still here to witness it all.
Redditor u/TW1103 wanted to discuss the meaning... of time and all of its affects by asking:
What fact really puts the scale of time into an insane perspective?
Ok, who is watching the clock? Those seconds aren't going to count themselves. The only way to understand time is to be its witness. Although that can get depressing. Let's focus on the light and cool.
History...
Calculate Figure It Out GIF by OriginalsGiphy"If you are an 80-year-old American, you have lived through approximately 1/3 of our nation's entire history."
Those Days...
"The 80s were 40 years ago."
"This is what messes me up because I was born in 82 and graduated high school in 2000 so for some reason my brain is stuck on the 80's being twenty years ago. The 70's thirty years ago etc etc. I have to stop and realize sometimes that my concept of how long ago things happened is way off."
Time goes by...
"We observe that light travels at 186,000 miles a second, but given the vast size of the observable universe, that's a snail's pace. But from the point of view of a particle of light, time doesn't even exist."
"Time slows down as you approach the speed of light, and theoretically stops completely when you reach the speed of light."
Years Gone By...
"MLK Jr. and Anne Frank were born in the same year."
"Betty White was born in 1922. Automatically pre-sliced packaged bread loaves became commercially available in 1928. Betty White is six years older than sliced bread."
Long Live the Queen!
queen elizabeth images GIFGiphy"The queen and Marilyn Monroe would've been the same age."
"And Marilyn Monroe and Andy Griffith were born on the same day!"
- osme1
I swear Liz is going to outlive dirt. Wait, I believe she already has. Well she won't be alone, she'll have Betty White. At least she better have Betty. Time is nothing without Queen Betty.
TV Time
Season 2 Omg GIF by Paramount+Giphy"Happy Days was a TV show made in the 1970s-80s about teenagers in the 1950s. Similarly, That 70s Show was made in the 90s-00s about teenagers in the 70s. If a similar show were to be made today, it would be about teenagers in the 2000s."
- VVillyD
A Croc
"If a T-Rex imagined a creature as ancient as the T-Rex is to us, it would be a Stegosaurus. If that Stegosaurus imagined a creature as ancient as the Stegosaurus is to us, it would be a Crocodile. If that Crocodile imagined a creature as ancient as that Crocodile is to us, it would be a Shark."
On the Clock
"On a twenty four hour clock the amount of time that humans have been on the earth would total around five seconds."
"How about this one: If Homo Habilus first appeared at midnight, 24 hours ago, that means the first Homo Sapiens appeared at 9:25 PM, or about 2 and a half hours ago. The first human civilization, in lower Mesopotamia, appeared at 11:57 PM, or about 3 minutes ago."
"The Western Roman Empire fell at 11:59 PM, or 1 minute ago. Everything that has happened since - the Crusades, the Plague, the discovery of the New World, the world wars, all of it - has happened in the last minute of human existence."
And that's just OUR Sun...
"The span of our lives are so insignificantly small that our Sun will last another 5 billion years. That's 9 zeros people. Our eldest live to around 100 in the best places. That's 50,000,000 (50 million) times longer than any person can reasonably expect to live. And that's just OUR Sun. The universe as a whole has probably existed for magnitudes longer than that already and will continue to exist until the end of time as we know it."
Tell Me a Story
william shakespeare GIF by will herringGiphy"We know what a good storyteller Shakespeare was but there were Greek playwrights who wrote shows nearly 2,000 years earlier that are pretty good, too."
I hate time. Only because I'm petty and irritated of the amount I squandered. That's neither here nor there though. Time marches on and continues to amaze. I'll keep watching.
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