Planning a wedding can be a nightmare for some people. It's amazing how quickly an event that is supposed to be about the couple can turn into a whole big production about literally everybody else. I know from experience, I actually cancelled my wedding and surprised people with a beach BBQ/wedding because planning it got to be so stressful. So when one heartbroken man asked Reddit what to do about his fiance's struggles with planning their wedding, I felt for the bride-to-be way down deep in my bones.
He explained that she had no female family members and no friends, so she had gotten fixated on the idea that she would have no bridesmaids. She's an elementary school teacher and writer who is pretty uncomfortable in social settings, so she didn't have a whole lot of chance for connecting with people. The groom has a large group of friends, but she's not so social. She was so upset that she was considering cancelling the wedding entirely! He was genuinely heartbroken that he couldn't help her feel better.
Reddit offered a few bits of advice for him. Some have been edited for clarity.
The Post That Started It All
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My fiancée and I are recently engaged and have been together since we were 18. She's not the bridezilla type but she has imagined a nice wedding.
She's not very social and has no sisters/female cousins, and as a result she has no bridesmaids. Zero. I on the other hand have a solid group of guys to be groomsmen and they're already talking bachelor party.
My fiancée won't have a bridal shower or bachelorette party, or anyone to go dress shopping with, etc. it's really bringing her down and she won't even talk about weddings. Once she said between sniffles "can't we just sign a paper at a courthouse?" But I know neither of us really want that.
I have suggested having my sisters and cousins as bridesmaids, but they don't really know her well and likely wouldn't want to. How can I help her?
Responses came pouring in pretty quickly. Lots of people struggled to understand that the bride had very literally not one single friend. Nope, not even his friends. The future groom tried to explain by telling reddit a story. Apparently, he and his future best man were talking and his best man told him "I wouldn't even have anything to write about her in my speech."
Some people were worried, other people felt that life-in-isolation reality very deeply.
A Cautionary Tale
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I was in your fiancé's shoes when I got married at 22.
I didn't go to college, opting instead to work, and my high school friends were all very religious, which I no longer was. I met my first husband when I moved to a new town for work. We hit it off quickly, so I didn't really feel a need to seek out friendship elsewhere. When he proposed, I panicked a bit. I had managed to make a few friends, but they were all dudes. I ended up making my little sister my MOH.
I spent the next 10 years or so feeling shitty about the fact that I had no real friends and I had no idea how to change that since I became a SAHM with little opportunity for interaction with people other than my husband and my kids. In all honesty, this contributed greatly to the demise of my first marriage.
The core problem here is that she really needs some friends. Having a wedding party is secondary. I know it's tough to find a way, to find time, but it absolutely can be done. Does she have any hobbies like crafting, hiking, gaming? Find a group at a community website (I used meetup.com) that meets IRL on a regular basis. She might feel awkward at the first get-together, but I guarantee that after a few, she'll begin to find herself looking forward to it. Friendships take some time, but it's worth the effort!
Self Esteem Issues
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Based on what you've said about your fiancee, it sounds less like just introversion and more like self esteem issues. Why not have a long engagement (if you're going to be together for life, it doesn't really matter if you marry next year or in 3 years), and use that time to get her in therapy for self esteem and hopefully help her build up a social life? It'd be a good thing regardless of the marriage.
Self-Fulfilling Prophecy
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You've been together for six years, and your friends don't know her well enough to say a few nice things about her? That's a little worrying.
I used to be painfully shy, but my husband is outgoing and really friendly. With his encouragement, I started coming out of my shell. So, here's some ways I've made friends.
- If her main hobby is writing, I'm guessing she's also a reader. She should start going to book signings or writing workshops. This way she gets to meet people she already has something in common with, and gives her a change to practice being sociable. You can go with her for encouragement, and this way, you may end up meeting new 'couple' friends. Even if she doesn't end up talking to any of these people again, she'll have a chance to get out of her comfort zone by talking to strangers.
- Work friends... she's an elementary school teacher. This means she is around other women at work everyday. I'm guessing she takes her lunch alone, in her classroom. She should try to reach out to her coworkers by joining some of them for lunch. If she's not comfortable with approaching an established group, maybe she could see about inviting just one other shy teacher to join her for lunch.
- Your family. Your family will be her family in six months. First, you need to get your family off her back about her job. She is not a glorified babysitter. She's a college-educated teacher, helping to shape the minds of future generations. This is a position worthy of respect. And for them being so loud... maybe you have one or two quieter family members that you can invite over for dinner so they have a chance to get to know her.
If your future wife wants to make friends, she needs to reach out. She cannot sit around and complain about feeling lonely, and being too old to make friends. That is a self-fulfilling prophecy that she needs to work on breaking.
Ditch The Wedding Party
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Just throwing this out there: when my husband and I got married it was kind of a weird situation for me in that literally all my best friends were abroad and wouldn't be able to make it to the wedding, which was in my husband's small hometown. So basically all of his friends would be there but only one of mine (and a distant friend at that, although 2 of my sisters were also there). So I was in a weird bridesmaid situation. And what did my husband do? He recognized that immediately and said "I think we shouldn't have bridesmaids or groomsmen. Keep it simple, you know?" And holy shit was I thankful he said that. He could have had 10 groomsmen, and I could have rustled up 1 bridesmaid, but he chose to make it less hard/awkward/weird for me and as painless as possible because my best friends just couldn't make it.
Otherwise we had a completely standard wedding. Just no bridesmaids or groomsmen.
Social Anxiety
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Honestly your fiance probably needs therapy. she seems to have social anxiety and is super insecure. I thought I was "just shy" until i got older and understood better that what i was feeling was something that required help for. It's one thing to prefer staying in, or to be a little quiet, but when you've gone through high school and college and can't name a single friend you've made there's something deeper happening. It's not as if your fiance doesn't want friends. Something inside her is preventing her from building these relationships.
Involve Her Students
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I am similar to your fiance. Not very social, but have several very close friends. I hope to be a writer (working on that part) and was a teacher at some point. Due to my career choices, I've been forced to be social and break out of my bubble, which at some point will have to happen to her if she wants to live a semi healthy social life.
I would say you are focusing on the wrong thing. Instead of looking at the lack of bridesmaids, both of you are forgetting what she does have. 1. She has a class of students who probably love her 2. As a writer, she has the ability to be satisfied with the company of her own mind.
With these two assets, I recommend you throw her a surprise bachlorette party in her classroom. Okay it with the staff of course, but you can have a surprise party with all her students, and possibly get them to write notes to her beforehand of why she is a cool bride. She'll feel comfortable and loved. Also, while you are having your bachelor party, you can give her a surprise trip to the spa, where she could relax and be content with her mind (maybe it's just me, but I love brainstorming plots while I'm getting a massage). If you are willing to not have a wedding party, and just have your best friends be wedding guests, that might make her feel more comfortable, like she's not missing out on anything. Then you can have the traditional nice wedding without having to worry about a bridesmaids and groomsmen, but still be surrounded by people who love you guys.
BTW, I really liked one of the other suggestions that you go with her to pick the dress, pick out a handful you like, and let her go off and pick her favorite one, so it's still a surprise to you.
A Private Affair
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My wife and I got married in December. The only people involved in the ceremony were us, the priest, and her sister who handed over the rings. It was a very nice, small wedding. We were both happy to not have the people there and we threw our own little party the night before with her sisters.
Suspicions Arise
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We had a small wedding with no attendants, and my husband and I actually walked down the aisle together. No one noticed or commented on it. I suspect that this is more about her being unsatisfied with her life, as opposed to being a wedding issue?
In the short term, focus on a smaller wedding with no attendants. In the longer term, really encourage her to go to therapy. That will help give her the tools she needs to do what it takes to get out there to make friends. It took some time in therapy for me, but I eventually got to the place where I have a strong network and I can make friends easily. I didn't realize just how depressed I was until it started to lift.
The Story Continues - Suspicions Confirmed!
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Several comments pointed out how unhealthy it was that the bride-to-be had literally not one single friend and was saying things like she didn't "deserve" a wedding. The groom's family wasn't a fan of the bride, which brought up even more questions. The couple had been together for six years but the bride hadn't allowed herself to get to know any of the groom's friends or family. In the end, the main suggestions ended up being that the bride seek some counseling for her extreme social and self-esteem issues, that they don't push for the wedding to happen fast, and that she open up to at least his friends and family so that she could have some kind of social outlet other than just him.
Amazingly, he offered a sort of heartwarming update not that long after!
I read through a ton of these comments, but not all (over 1000?!) and decided to look for my fiance's box of wedding planning stuff, because I had a suspicion. Inside the box was all these magazine clippings of a big church wedding, flower ideas and stuff. And then I saw pictures of the dresses. They were all big, poofy ornate things that don't seem akin to my fiancee's style at all. But...they're similar to the dresses my sisters wore at their weddings.
It all sort of clicked for me. My fiancee probably doesn't want a church wedding or any of these fancy trimmings, she's trying to win my family's favor. The hell. I really should've noticed this earlier and gotten more involved, I know.
My fiancee flew home on Thursday to spend a few days with her dad (Father's Day weekend and all). I couldn't go because of work, so I was alone until this morning. So, real late at night, I called up my buddy Ravi (26M). Ravi's my best man, we've known each other since we were kids, split up when we went off to college, and reconnected three years ago. We moved to SC so I could join the company he works for.
I just opened up to Ravi. It was really late but he listened to me anyway, about my worries about my fiancee. He said that it was very likely that she was trying to curry favor with my family, but she probably wasn't going to admit to it easily. He said he'd talk to her.
I told him that he barely knows her. He said not to worry, and that he'd be around tomorrow evening.
My fiancee came home happy (she always is after seeing her dad) this morning. I went off to work without asking about the wedding, and she set to work on her writing (she's off for the summer). I got home early and at like 5 PM Ravi came to my house with my other good friends: Carson, Andrew, and Tim (23-30M). I know all these guys from various places and we're all a solid group. Still, this was unexpected.
Ravi came up to my fiancee and said that the guys were taking her wedding dress shopping.
We were both freaked out as hell. I had no idea this was coming, and my fiancee looked like she wanted to crawl into a hole and die. She whispered to me "they won't like me", and I urged her to just go for it. Ravi reminded her that he has sisters, Carson's been divorced, and Andrew's had his fair share of girlfriends, so they know dresses. Plus, he has a lady friend that works at a small boutique, where they'd try first.
She still didn't want to go, and then he said something like "hey, you're marrying our best friend, don't you think we should get to know you and make sure you're not a ghost or something?" (He's not great with tact). But she chuckled a little at that and gave in.
They were gone for a while and came back an hour ago. They didn't find a dress, but they looked around the stores for a while and fiancee found a style she liked (not the poofy ball gown style). They also went out for ice cream and when they walked in the door, she was joking and laughing with them all. I hadn't seen her so happy in a long time. It was amazing.
Then we all sat down together and Ravi asked her to talk to me about what's on her mind.
I still don't know how they got her to open up. She whispered that she didn't really want the big church wedding, that she wanted to wait a little while and plan a small ceremony for just the people we really care about. I was all for it, I told her not to worry about bridesmaids or anything, it could just be us. She said no, she wants her dad, the guys, and my family to be there.
Andrew, a kickass guitar player, said he'd put together a band for us. He asked my fiancee what her favorite song is, he'd figure out an arrangement. This is the kind of question she usually dodges, but she blushed a little and actually told the truth. (Panama by Van Halen if anyone cares; girl knows how to rock out). This was the real sign that she's starting to trust them. I don't think anyone knows her favorite song except me and her dad (who bought her Van Halen CD's growing up)
I told her I'd call my family and tell them the church wedding's off. If they make a big stink about it, I don't fucking care. I have my bros and my beautiful future bride. That's all the family I need.
The groom's friends stepped up, swooped in, and took the bride out! Believe it or not, they got her to come out of her shell and have a good time dress shopping and hanging out! She finally admitted she had only wanted the big church wedding because she felt it was what the groom's family expected and she wanted them to like her.
Reddit loved the progress!
She Needs Help
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Your fiancee needs some serious self confidence. Who automatically thinks that a whole bunch of people won't like them based on nothing? Why would she think they wouldn't like her? Based on your last post and this one, she needs some help. I don't say this to be mean- both she and your friends sound lovely, and it's great that you have them. That sounds like the best possible outcome. I'm really happy it turned out that way.
Pregnancy Hormones And Ravi
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Excuse my pregnancy hormones but I'm reading this and bawling. Damn hormones. My husband is freaking out because I'm like "Ravi...wah...wah!"
He's asking, "Who the h*ll is Ravi? And why did he make you cry?"
I'm sniffling, "He's awesome. I'm crying because he is awesome."
Now, I've got some explaining to do after my water facet stops leaking.
Those are some awesome friends you have there!
Excellent
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As a female that.... May be... Soon in your fiancés situation, I think you have excellent friends and you sound like an excellent guy yourself. Social and generalized anxiety are real issues for some people. I hide from meeting new people the same way as your fiancé. "They won't like me." Its hard to face a situation like this when that's how you feel. Excellent thread, thank you.
- _ghostly
The Importance of Friends
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That's great! Glad things are working out with the wedding :) Hopefully your fiancee will use this experience to realize that people do want her around and want to get to know her and care about her. And hopefully this will show her how important friends are for support, etc.
The Same Fear
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This was an awesome update, I even teared up a little. I'm really happy your fiancée was able to communicate with your friends (who by the way rock!) the first post made me feel sad about her because I also have the same fear when I get married, knowing that she was able to open up like that gave me a really big smile.
Hopefully you'll be able to update us once you guys tie the knot, would love to hear about it!
Mom
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I had actually been worried about how this would turn out. I had almost suggested if her mom would do it in your original post but held off because there wasn't mention of her. Then I read that mom abandoned her when she was little and my heart just broke.
I'm glad it turned out well :)
Golden
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This is such a wonderful resolution to your issue. I wish all things around here ended up so well. Not only are your friends golden, but you are too for caring enough about your fiancé to really dig for the truth and work toward her happiness!
Here are a few happy tears for your future...they're on my iPhone screen, but you can have them in spirit!
"Wings And Games"
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I'm a bride with no close female friends. My brother will stand next to me on my wedding day. My fiance will have his three cousin next him. I have no energy to find or even care about a last hen party, bridal tea parties, or any of that. I want wings, games, and maybe some comedy with my brother, for my last hen party
Barefoot And Perfect
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Wow! This story makes me happy. You seem like a great guy and you have wonderful friends and a wonderful fiancee. I bet your family will be just fine with it. I was a tad worried about something similar, as my husband's brother had a big church wedding, as did my brother and all of my cousins. But then I realized that my (has been now for 18 years) husband's other sibs had totally gone against the grain. We had a tiny wedding in a little tiny church in the country, with just friends and immediate family. It was very casual. A couple friends brought their dogs, who were wearing bow ties, and they ended up walking down the aisle with us and wandering around the small chapel during the wedding. We were all laughing and crying at the sane time. One of my young nephews was goofing around, but it didn't detract from the ceremony at all. My husband asked his 5 year old nephew if he'd like to come up and be with us and could he possibly hold my ring? Of course he did. We did have a small reception/dance after the wedding, but we (our friends and sibs and the two of us) chose the music and DJ'D it casually. My husband wanted some James Brown and Maceo Parker, and I required The Time Warp from the RHPS. No stress, no hassles. I was barefoot. The best man got crazy drunk and it was all good. Our families were both 100% supportive of our plans. I did go wedding dress shopping with my mom, but I paid for it and found the perfect dress (for me) on a clearance rack. Score! No downpayment plan or going over budget. I just got really lucky. No fittings or tailoring. It fit perfectly. I paid for it the day I found it and picked it up the morning of the wedding after it was pressed. Though no shoes, I did want a veil and my mom insisted she buy that. We found a fantastic, perfect veil on clearance. Exactly what I wanted. Boom. We didn't spend $25,000 on a big wedding. We knew we'd either elope or do it small with just tight friends and family. It was one of the best weddings amongst all of our friends and family, we all agreed. My bridesmaid's little girl sat on my lap and ate both my wedding cake piece and hers (cheesecake, btw!) During our first dance (The Beatles Oh, Darling), the same little 4 year old wandered up to us with her teddy bear. We just picked her up.
I personally think your story deserves to be made into a movie. Though I'm not a big rom-com fan, with the right actors and director, this could truly be a great movie. Maybe your fiance could write the screenplay? What an excellent story. We would appreciate yet another update after the wedding. "Panama" may be your first dance song!
If your fiance (not sure what she writes) isn't interested in writing a screenplay, could you actually let me know? I'd love to write one based on your story, but I'd need to interview both of you and your friends, at the very least. Congrats, OP!
Van Halen
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You're in SC.. South Carolina. You should get some tickets to music midtown (Atlanta,GA) Van Halen is one of the head liners. She'd probably really like that. Maybe plan it as a group thing and see if your friends would go and just hang out and listen to some good music! It seems like shes super happy about your friends taking the step and tbh if I were her, I would be ecstatic.
Good job, Fiance of the year.
H/T: Reddit
What could possibly go wrong?
It turns out there are so many variables that can contribute to making the bride and groom's celebration a major matrimonial miss.
Curious to hear examples of weddings gone wrong, Redditor lolf**kno asked:
"Those who have been to a ruined wedding, what happened?"
Dramatic brawls and speeches plagued these weddings.
Catty Attendees And Booze
"Very beautiful wedding in a huge barn at this apple orchard. They must have spent a ton of money on the decorations and catering because it looked like something out of a magazine. The ceremony was great, the flower girl did her thing, the vows got everyone choked up. Everything seemed to be going well. Not even 15 minutes into the reception the mothers of the bride and groom getting into a full out brawl, hair pulling, red wine being thrown. Their sons jump in to defend their honor, chairs start being throw, tables are flipped, parents are grabbing children and running for their lives."
"​The bride and groom are horrified and leave immediately and head back their honeymoon suite. My fiancé and I left after this as well but we heard from some other friends that most people ended up staying and getting wasted at the open bar on the bride and groom's dime. Apparently, the fight started because one of the groom's sister complimented the bride's grandmother's dress. The bride's mom thought she was being sarcastic and called her a b*tch, then the drama ensued. Mind you they had all been pregaming the wedding pretty hard."
– AdmiralWackbar
Playing For The Drunk Uncle
"I played a wedding where as we started playing the set, everyone ran outside and nobody was to be seen for the rest of the night."
"I originally assumed it was because nobody liked us but the bride came in afterwards and said there was a huge fight involving multiple members of both families and everyone basically went home upset, injured or in a police van."
"We couldn't stop playing since we were payed and it was our job, and the only person watching was the drunk uncle dancing on his own asking for requests we didn't know."
– TornApartByLisa
Maid Of Honor Speech Goes Off The Rails
"Was a guest of friend of the bride, did not know anyone attending. Very expensive over the top place, several hundred guests of this very Italian wedding. Maid of honor grabs mic at the cocktail hour begins her speech, rambling, drunk. Quickly devolves to stating the recently deceased mother of the bride was against this wedding and that's basically what killed her. Plus Vinny will never give up sex workers. She is tackled by several people and dragged away."
"The happy couple is separated and divorced within a year."
– Rocky1268
This is what happens when bad luck crashes weddings.
Tumbling Into The Sunset
"I work at a golf course with a lot of history behind it. We do wedding venues inside the clubhouse and the actual ceremony is held outside by the historic water fountain and large pond."
"First problem was the weather. I live in the high desert and it was very warm. A solid 90 degrees that day and it was also pretty windy. So everyone's outside, no umbrellas, no ezups."
"The next problem, and probably the worst, was the golf cart incident. The bride and groom wanted to 'ride into the sunset' on one of our golf carts. Drive around a little bit on the golf course. To be fair, it is beautiful on the course during sunset. However the cart had somehow gotten a nail in the tire, tire went flat, battery on the cart went crazy and the cart ended up freaking out. It came to an complete stop from 15mph to zero. The wheels and mechanisms locked up, almost seizing. Both the bride and groom (fairly overweight mind you) both fell out and rolled over a few times. They were totally okay, just a few bruises and perhaps a bruised ego or two. So retrieving that cart was fun."
"And last but not least, the power inside the clubhouse went out to do the high winds. There was no after party available. Only the cake was cut, hardly any food was given out. Yeah, not a great day to cover for someone on your day off."
– Itsallover_
Foggy Memory
"I was not born yet, but my parents rented the observation deck on the Hancock building in Boston for their reception. Tallest building in the city, beautiful view. My dad pored over historic weather charts to figure out what day was statistically most likely to be nice out. Day of the wedding comes and of course, thick fog unlike anything they'd ever seen before. Couldn't see a thing out the windows of the room they had picked specifically for the view."
"Worked out well though, they were happily married for nearly 30 years before cancer took my dad's life a few years ago."
"There's one other funny anecdote from that wedding: The wedding was held in Kings Chapel, which is an incredibly historic church here in downtown Boston that's somewhat of a major tourist attraction. To close that on a weekend afternoon for a wedding, it turns out, was not very expensive. The tourists waiting outside to see the church didn't know that, though, and someone started the rumor that my parents were incredibly wealthy, maybe even Kennedys. As a result, there were tons of people taking photos of them when they left the ceremony. Not sure if any of them ever figured out that my parents were most certainly not rich or famous."
– mimicthefrench
Morbid Surprise
"I was best man at my sister in laws wedding (stepped in for the brother of the groom, that's another story entirely)."
"For a whole year of planning all the bride (SIL) wanted was a dove release while they said handwritten vows to each other. Very small, non denominational (most of the family are atheist anyway) wedding."
"Day arrives (early summer) and something is off with the bird handlers. They show up a bit late and are sourcing help from the wedding party to get everything in line. When the time comes to say their vows I help the handler carry the chest with the doves in it over to what is to be the altar where the bride and groom are standing."
"Vows are just about wrapping up and the handler gives ME the signal to open the chest. I open it and see 20-30 DEAD DOVES IN THE CRATE!!!! I immediately close it to try and limit who knows what happened. Too late. The look of horror on the bride's was all that was needed. We spent the next few hours trying to cheer everyone up but by the end of the reception the entire wedding party had organized and filed animal cruelty complaints on the handler. It was all anyone could focus on."
Tragic losses unfortunately befell leading up to or at a couple's nuptials.
The Wedding Guest Who Left Too Soon
"When I was 6 or 7 I went to a cousin's wedding. Everything was fabulous for little me, so much sugar everywhere, basically heaven. The reception was in a big community center that was reserved for the occasion. Went to the girls' bathroom, passing by the men's room to see my uncle on the floor. Went back to the main room to tell my dad my uncle was looking weird. Well, uncle had a stroke and had died."
"The bride spent the rest of the afternoon crying, and everyone except close family left."
"Bright side is the mariage is still going strong 20 years later, despite what happened that day."
– DecadentOrange
A Terminal Diagnosis
"Leading up to my friends wedding his father had been battling cancer after a terminal diagnosis. And it was touch and go whether he would be well enough to attend the wedding, in the end he was too unwell to attend despite wishing that he could."
"Just as we got to the wedding reception my friend was informed that his father had just passed away. It was devastating."
– boatson25
Wedding Crashers
"Happened to my classmate. He is successful middle level manager, divorced, about 35yo or so. Found a girl of his dreams but from a provincial poor town. The girl insisted to have the wedding in her town to show off her 'success.' The wedding is crashed by her old friends including male friends who are not that sophisticated and have some tense feelings towards the successful groom from the city. Somebody starts a fight in the middle of wedding, groom is trying to stop it and got stabbed in the back. Died right there. And he was my classmate."
– anarchyinuk
​An Unfortunate Trespassing
"The wedding was at a state park that's famous for its giant gorge/waterfall. I don't know whose idea this was, but someone suggested a photo overlooking this gorge and everybody was game. The wedding party went around a stone security barrier and the maid of honor literally fell off the cliff to her death. It was like 500+ feet."
– SingzJazz
With a lot riding on a wedding to go off without a hitch, the mounting pressure is one where something is surely to buckle.
And because wedding guests are usually inebriated and high on the buzz of celebration, they throw caution to the wind and make some choices they wouldn't make under normal circumstances.
People's ill-advised actions can have regretful consequences, but no one expects death to be an outcome.
Fortunately, the weddings I've attended or heard about from friends were not as catastrophic as the anecdotes mentioned above.
While the Redditors' stories are sorrowful, it gives me a sense of relief these devastating examples are rare occurrences.
Have we met? That is an actual question I asked a gift giver once. (Who shall rename nameless) Football tickets. FOOTBALL TICKETS?! Who? What? I can't.
Looks Familiar
Broad City Wow GIF by Comedy CentralGiphy"My own scarf. Yes, that's right, my mother went into my room took my only scarf, wrapped it and gave it to me like it was a new scarf."
Devastation!
"Thought I was getting a bike for my 15th birthday but my foster parents announced that they were sending me to a group home after living with them for 11 years. Devastation! That place was a wake up call. More independence then at my foster home but those kids had it really really bad, 12 year old heroine addicts, abuse... what the entire hell! I hurried up, graduated from high school at 16 and got the hell out of that place. I turned out ok, work in the legal field, live in Las Vegas. I did forgive my foster parents before they died."
The Forgotten One
"My brother and I worked for a farmer one summer, and he paid us with a used car. At the end of the next year, my brother graduated high school, so my parents paid me out for my half of the car, and that was his graduation gift. I gave them all a big discount compared to what it was worth. So like $500 for my share of a $2500 car."
"2 years later, and I needed $50 for some graduation fees, so I borrowed it from my mom until I could get to the bank. (Before mobile banking and ATMs everywhere.) Later, when my mom is telling me they invited all their friends over for a 'graduation' party, I asked if they had gotten a gift for me. "Well I gave you fifty bucks."
"I paid it back the next day, and she didn't blink. The 'graduation party' was just my parents friends, who said congratulations to me, but it wasn't really for me. A few years later, my little sister graduated, she got a car. They bought a used car for her, and our other little sister got the same when she graduated. My parents are mostly nice, and I never felt like they singled me out at birthdays or anything. Just my graduation seemed like I turned invisible."
Office Party Fail
"HR complaint from two subordinates fighting over how to throw me a surprise birthday party."
- BBoySlim
"I've never worked in an office environment, but the stories I've heard of people being required to buy a cake for the whole office and to celebrate their birthday with their coworkers would be enough to keep me in blue collar work for life, were it not for the fact that I love being active and working with my hands and could never sit at a desk all day anyway."
Basics
law school finals GIFGiphy"My Asian mom's gift was "no extra Kumon homework after school homework" so my birthday gift was that I didn't get extra homework from her."
Regifting is trash behavior. Do better. I'd rather you just say I forgot. Or... I just don't care for that much. But regifting? No.
season 4 lint roller GIF by Veep HBOUnlucky 13
"Stomach flu and my first ever period, at the same time. I think it was my 13th birthday."
- kelpself
"Omg, exact same story for me. It was my 13th birthday and my family took us kids to visit our relatives in Subsaharan Africa for the first time. I was sick, jetlagged, overheated and riding down a bumpy road in a Jeep driven by my dad in the complete darkness. We had just eaten at a restaurant where I found a giant scarab beetle in the bottom of my soup bowl. I have flashbacks to this day."
Lazy Thoughts...
"My grandparents have been gifting me (and my brother) the same set of three vice grips for almost 10 years. Collectively we have 60 vice grips. I don't know if they bought a pallet of them, or where they are coming from. GET A GRIP GRANDMA!"
"I had a friend who's father was famous for doing Christmas shopping at the last minute. One year she complained that she went downstairs on Christmas morning and found, sticking out of her stocking, a spatula. Her birthday was a few days after telling that story, so myself and her friends all decided to get together and get her spatulas for her birthday, as a gag gift."
"Well, when it was our birthdays she retaliated. Which lead to a counter-offensive. And soon a new tradition was formed. And guys, I have so many spatulas now. Everything from dollar store cheap plastic, to hand-carved spatulas, a golden spatula, and even a replica of the famous Malaysian fighting spatula."
"I've got seasonal spatulas. As in, today it's time to pack away the Christmas spatulas and bring out the heart-shaped Valentine's day ones, followed by the bunny-shaped Easter ones. We've also been passing around this clip from the Weird Al Yankovic movie UHF. "Spatula City, we sell spatulas, and that's all!"
Their ultimate whack-a-doo move...
"A pair of homemade custom pajamas. Only problem was that they weren't made yet. It was just the fabric and a promise to make them for me. I had to give the fabric back and I never got the pajamas."
"Holy cow my parents do crap like this. It's so freaking weird. Their ultimate whack-a-doo move was to give my wife and I a few acres of their property."
"Nothing legal just at our wedding they gave us a card that basically said 'have some land.' When the dust settled I asked what they thought we would do with it, they said build a home. I said ok, gonna need legal ownership for like building a house. They said sure we will get right on that. Then they decide to sell out and retire and never mentioned our wedding 'gift' again."
Gross...
Disgusted Steve Carell GIFGiphy"My grandma got me a hairbrush with a plastic horse head handle. The horse head was all chipped up and there was hair in the brush."
Bummer...
"My Godfather sent me a Birthday card each year which said, he paid 100 bucks to a bank account which I was supposed to get, when 16yo. He then got into alcohol, used all the money and died."
Oh for God sake, why even bother giving anything at all? Lint rollers, used brushes, homemade pjs... y'all ever hear of a gift card? Just put five bucks on it and call it a day. You can't hide cheap, so stop trying.
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I definitely wouldn't turn down an excursion to AREA 51. I'd like to poke around and get a sense of the place. I've never personally been up close and face to face with a "non-Earther." Not sure I'd like to be...
TV Truth
x files monkey pee GIF by The X-FilesGiphy"UFOs/Aliens are a cover for all of the secret projects that the government is working on. Actually stole that from the X files."
Birth
"How human birth parallels alien abductions:
- Babies are taken from their home (womb)
- They still developing sight, so they see bright lights and grey figures.
- They hear an "alien" language they don't understand.
- They suddenly feel cold after leaving their womb.
- They are in a surgery room being poked with tons of instruments.
Long story short: some people suggest that abductions are just people who had memories of their birth."
In the Mind
"I just don't think anyone will ever see this. But I think that UFO's are the projection of our unconscious collective mind. Everything that exists in reality, also exists, in our immaterial mind. Is it possible that the insides of our mind are also just one drop in the ocean of consciousness... and together we create the material reality were in, simply by experiencing it in a real way, inside-out through our senses."
Flyover...
"My father was an aircraft mechanic and fabricator for test and spy aircraft for the USAF. He spent 75-85 working with test aircraft. He said that when they were going to do a test, that could possibly be seen by the public, they would make a betting pool on how many UFO reports local authorities and flight towers received."
Under the Sea
sci-fi ufo GIFGiphy"I like the idea that some UFOs aren't machines. Instead they are some sort of Upper-Atmosphere Jellyfish. I found the issue of Fortean Times that had this article. Here's the cover: http://ft.gjovaag.com/q/images/a/ae/FT291.jpg"
- BigD1970
Interesting. There are some ideas we can look into. None of it proof, but possibilities. There are certainly plenty of future film ideas.
Like 2012...
"We are like that un contacted tribe and everyone agrees not to bother us."
"I've heard it explained from a channel (idk if you know what channeling is) kinda like this. First of all, we as a species tend to freak out, shoot first and ask questions later. Most humans would have a literal psychotic break. You have to believe in vibrational energy as it relates to our consciousness."
"The aliens (certain ones) are at such a higher level that it would be jarring for us to come in close contact with. We are slowly getting there but it's a process. Like 2012, end of the Mayan calendar, wasn't the end of the world it was the end of an energy cycle that we as the human race had never made it past before."
"Previous civilizations have been destroyed or destroyed themselves before they got this far. We passed a point where we are very unlike to destroy ourselves anymore. This doesn't mean we won't see some real bad hardships yet but we will keep progressing."
- falecf4
"train your eyes"
Dancing GIFGiphy"I was a firm believer in t em when I was in high school and kept googling theories and info in my spare time and during my study halls. They said their bodies were so lightweight or something that the reason why you can't see the evidence is that they disintegrate before hitting the ground."
"And then LOL it was so funny, some people would swear you could "train your eyes" to see rods... HhhahAHAHAHA. Like there were these experts. Video showed him walking around with a serious face, then pointing. And he's like, "that was one just there." "You can't see them, you have to be used to them... like me."
"I've spent many years immersed into hunting them finding them. That's why I can see them." And then one day China, who loves occult stuff, had like a lab that set up a nighttime camera to capture footage of rods at night... then realized they were normal bugs at overexposure. lol"
Lurking
"The Dark Forest theory. Basically the theory that the reason we haven't made contact is because all the other civilized life in the universe/galaxy knows not to broadcast their location. They've learned that there's something awful or predatory lurking in the dark forest of our galaxy, and that it's better if they keep to themselves."
Unknowns...
"That the universe is so vast that we haven't been discovered yet."
- neoastic
"This makes sense to me because traversing the distance to or from even our our stellar neighbors would require technology that is not known to us now or likely to be known by us anytime soon if it's even possible at all. To assume without evidence that aliens could possess this technology and have visited us does not meet my skeptical standards."
- KZED73
Back and Forth
back to the future great scott GIFGiphy"Time travel exists, and UFO sightings are actually future humans coming back to our time. That is why they are so discreet, and never openly make contact."
I hope time travel exists. Now that I'm onboard for. If aliens do exist... just come on out guys. We could probably use your help.
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