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Men Break Down The Weirdest Things Someone's Ever Said To Them After Sex

"Reddit user ella-es-julia asked: 'Men Break Down The Weirdest Things Someone's Ever Said To Them After Sex'"

People say the darndest things after -- and sometimes during -- lovemaking.

Maybe it's the euphoria.

Maybe it's the adrenaline.

Maybe it's the tequila.

It's always good to have a kind-hearted joke on hand or a generic compliment.

Or maybe just grab your belongings and skedaddle.

Redditor ella-es-julia wanted to hear about the craziest pillow talk stories, so they asked:

"Men of Reddit: What's the weirdest thing a girl said to you after sex?"

The weirdest I ever got was... "What city am I in again?"

Geography matters.

Morbid Much?

In Bed Home GIFGiphy

"Met girl, went on date, brought girl home, had the sex, finished the sex, laying there she says 'What would you do if I died right now?' and demanded an actual answer."

Vixxay

Meow

"Not to me, but as she walked over to the bathroom after the deed, she said 'I just did your owner' to my cat. Sexiest thing that ever happened to me."

shlanky369

"My Fiancé and I were about to start going at it when the cat appeared from under the bed and stared at me. I went, 'Babe the cat is here. I don't like how he's staring at my boobs."

"Fiancé grabbed the cat and yeeted him into the hallway with the phrase, 'Get out you weird pervert.'"

"The cat proceeded to (without his claws) smack the door over and over again while screaming for a few minutes straight. Pervert."

Trumpet6789

POP!

"'I need you to take me to the hospital. Something is now bleeding and hurts.'"

"Turns out her ovarian cyst popped. We're still together with the running joke of sex so good it put her in the ER."

DasBatt

"Ah ah ah, 2 hemorrhagic cysts ruptured, I was bleeding internally, but only a little bit. I'm still impressed by how quickly you went from a naked sex stupor to being ready and carrying me to the car. Good times."

"In the ER when they asked me what happened all I could do was shout 'we were f**kin!' through my tears. That memory still makes me laugh."

Straystar-626

Damn it's Good

"We were going at it for some time then her face went instantly from 'damn it's good' to full-on crying. I stop, ask her what's wrong and she tells me 'I can't cheat on my boyfriend, it is wrong.'"

"So this is when I learned that the girl that I met on a dating website and that I started seeing 3 weeks before and that she told me she was single had a boyfriend for over 5 years. Got her to talk more, and she told me she was on the dating website to see if there were guys better than her boyfriend so she could end up with someone better."

"This was like 20 years ago, a coworker I have right now knows her (his girlfriend is like a distant relative of hers) and I learned she had 5 different boyfriends since then, cheated on all of them except the last one (for now). She was also a cam model in secret, one of the boyfriends was a high-paying customer."

draftstone

A Binding Contract

"'Pleasure doing sex business with ya.' We then shook hands."

"Still together 5 years later!"

Tatarstan

It's nice when people who have great sex make great partners.

And it all starts with a handshake.

Sleep on It

“'I don’t usually say this but, yeah, you can stay.'"

lennyukdeejay

"Did you high-five after that? Seems like that statement called for it."

EvilNinjaX24

"This is the best one."

TomKhatacourtmayfind

Tiny Dancer

"Not really weird but I slept with this girl while backpacking Asia, she was also a backpacker. After a bit of chillin'/talking, I got up to get dressed, she looked at my flaccid manhood and said 'You're quite shy when you're not excited.' I thought it was hilarious."

fleetwoodsackk

"That's a much better way to put it. My wife, when we were just dating and had moved in together and eventually saw it flaccid just said 'Aww, it's so little.' Thanks, hun, exactly what every guy wants to hear."

striker180

Fine!

"She said 'If I get pregnant I'm keeping it.' I was dumbfounded and when I didn't respond quickly enough she got really agitated like I had hurt her feelings and yelled 'Fine! You don't have to be involved if you don't want to!'"

"We had just met that night. My condom use skyrocketed after that night."

Fullyme

"When I was a poverty-stricken college student I was banging a girl who said, 'If you get me pregnant I’ll take you for everything you own.' I said, 'All I own is my bicycle. You want that?'”

OrwellWasRight101

Amen

"Best weird compliment I ever got was 'Damn boy, you f**k like the Devil!'"

"I married her, we still goin' at it."

BeBearAwareOK

Well, these certainly created some lasting relationships... or hilarious tales to tell their friends.

Do you have any stories to share? Let us know in the comments below.

The Absolute Weirdest Questions People Have Been Asked In A Job Interview

Reddit user TinyTbird12 asked: 'What is the weirdest question you’ve been asked at a job interview, what happened?'

job interview
Van Tay Media on Unsplash

I once burst out laughing during a job interview.

It was for an internal position so I knew all of the interviewers well, but even if I hadn't I doubt I could have kept a straight face.

What cracked me up?

This interview question:

"If I attended a backyard BBQ with your last boss, what do you think they'd say about you?"

After I stopped laughing,

I told the interviewer—who happened to be my then boss' boss:

"I'm sorry, but that sounds like a question from the Miss America Pageant."

The interview panel got a laugh out of that. And yes, I did answer the question.

So what odd, absurd or just plain strange interview questions have people gotten?

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The holiday season is lovely, but it's full of pressure to travel, plan, host, and of course, get gifts for a lot of people.

But the thing we don't really talk about is how common it is to want something specific and to not have someone in our life who tries to seek out what that thing is.

Unless we get it for ourselves, it's common that we won't get what we actually want.

Redditor GeneralSpectatorTots asked:

"What do you want for Christmas that you know you aren't going to get?"

​Sobriety 

"My brother to be sober and happy."

- whatwhatwhat82

"I’m also trying to get sober. I wish your brother well. Keep being a support to him."

- Keri2816

A New Home

"A house deposit."

- WolfGirl_4

"A house deposit? Just gift you a house!"

- Grenflik

A Financial Advantage

"A winning lottery ticket."

- Krem541

"Every year I ask Santa. Every f**king year."

- kuchikopi626

Grandma's Homecooked Meals

"One last meal from my grandma. She made the best food, and of course, you don't know the last time is going to be the last time until it's too late."

- fakefishy

Family Love

"Love from my parents."

- bub_501

"This mom is sending you a long hug."

- hippocampus237

A Professional Massage

"A gift certificate for a professional massage. I can't bring myself to spend the money on myself. I need to just bite the bullet and do it."

"I have asked for one every year for years. Sometimes it's the only thing I ask for from my parents and my partner (when they ask what I want)."

"I always get wonderful gifts that I love, use, and/or needed but I REALLY WANT A F**KING MASSAGE."

- agbmom

The Best Neighbor

"A card from my twin brother saying, 'Just kidding, I’m not moving to Washington, I actually found a place in your neighborhood!'"

- insertcaffeine

Very Important Things

"Free Healthcare and a good used car for my husband."

- Sufficient_Letter883

The End to Ableism

"Independence and not being infantilized because I’m a 37-year-old disabled woman and no one in my family understands (extended family who all live within 10 mins of me)."

- Keri2816

World Travel

"Guilt-free travel! It's like asking for a never-ending vacation. How I wish I could just hop around the world without worrying about a thing!"

- KayleNewirk

Sounds Like Paradise

"A pretty, and big apartment for me and my cat."

- cats-autumn

"For my cat to let me sleep through the night."

- Cheese_BasedLifeform

Moving Solutions

"A stress-free move, with eight days between closings of two houses four states apart, and four pets to manage in temporary housing. Help me, Santa, I’ve been a good girl."

- Kind-Dust7441

Ready To Be Done!

"For my doctoral capstone paper to finally be approved so I can be done with school! Please, please, Santa, I’m on rewrite 19!"

- TomatilloNo4213

Two Front Teeth

"My two front teeth... My two front teeth."

"But seriously, teeth."

"Mine are all falling out due to an autoimmune disease, and I need implants."

- donkeybrainz13

The Perfect Partner

"A partner to go on adventures with… have singalongs with… and who adores and truly sees me."

- miaoouu

While we may have been expecting some silly responses, or even for someone to finally buy the right brand of a favorite candle or lotion or makeup, these responses were a great reminder of what's really important.

And unfortunately, many of the most important things can't be replaced or fit into a Christmas stocking.

Person holding bouquet of flowers
Carrie Beth Williams/Unsplash

Breaking up is hard to do no matter who initiated it.

But once time has passed and exes have moved on, the healing process can be jarred by a surprise.

A regretfilled person may try and make contact with the one they broke up with and ask for forgiveness, or the person who had their heart broken could also reappear and plead for a fresh new start.

The outcome depends on how much, or how little, the spark of love remains.

Curious to hear more of this scenario from strangers online, Redditor XenaVonKeksdose asked:

"What would you say to your ex if they suddenly showed up at your door?"

For these Redditors, it wouldn't be a happy reunion.

Either, Or

"It ranges from 'come on in and make yourself comfortable' to 'get the f'k out of here' , depending on which one shows up."

– Lone_Buck

"Odds of it being the one who got away: low."

"Odds of it being the one who took 5 years to understand what 'f'k off' meant: pretty high."

– liquid_acid-OG

It's A Nightmare

"Screaming. They've passed."

– BigGrayBeast

"Similar situation here. I did have a dream that my late wife showed up at my door. She said, 'There was a mix up at the coroner, you wouldn’t believe what I’ve been through.”'

"Still in the dream we talked for a bit about nothing. Then I said, 'Wait, what about the life insurance, do we have to pay it back?' And just after that I woke up."

– AnonEMoussie

No Thanks

"Nah"

"Slowly closes the door while maintaining eye contact."

"Also aggressively locks the door."

– SnooCats7666

"raises drawbridge."

– lunalives

Some would show traces of resentment.

Unwelcome

"The f'k do you want? And how did you get this address?"

– s73v3m4nn

"wtf ffs"

– zxr7

Too Little Too Late

"You couldn't put in effort in messaging me, but you have effort now to see me months after we break up‽"

– ShyTerraWolf

"Wait, if you’re here who’s running hell?”

– So__bored

"Who’s guarding HADES."

– Boostio_TV

Hit 'Em Where It Hurts

"I lost weight... You seem to have found it."

– elmo-1959

"now get the f'k off my lawn."

– starkresilient

"Savage."

– 20190229

Others shared less bitter responses.

Coming Clean

"Honestly, I apologize. I know dealing with my prior alcoholism must have been a nightmare. I regret causing you and anyone else pain and hope you are happy. I am a year into sobriety and can understand why it ended. I wish you well."

"Edit: Since this is getting so much traction, I just want to say thanks for all the support. This could honestly be directed at a few of my exes. I am happily married now to someone that also got a taste of my drinking. We stuck it out while I got sober and I have to credit her with being an amazing support system. I also need to shout out r/stopdrinking for providing reinforcement on a daily basis. It is a great community. Naltrexone was also a major part of it. I can't change the past but I think I have a much better hold on the future."

– vivazeta

Someone That I Used To Know

"I've been married for almost 25 years, I don't know if I would even recognize any exes."

– 4a4a

"Yep. That person went from 'ex' to 'someone I once dated' years ago."

– ktwhite42

Expressing Regrets

"I'm sorry for the way I treated you."

– warlordwinters

"Good on you for growing."

– Zealousideal_Ad_7465

Catching Up

"I’d say hello! What are you doing here? It has been a long time."

– ExaminationLucky6082

Wish You Well

"A lot of snarky or comical answers in here, but I'll try to be as sincere as I can."

"My first major ex, first time I got my heart broken: I would sincerely hope that she's doing well. She broke my heart, but it was for the best and it made me into the man I am today. I don't want to think of how much worse I would be if she hadn't given me a reality check wake-up-call. So really just 'Hey, how have you been? I hope the years have been kind to you.'"

"My most recent ex, the first and only time I've had to break someone's heart: I honestly just hope that she can forgive me for having to make taking care of myself and my needs the priority in my life. She's an amazing woman, kindergarten school teacher, unanimously adored by everyone that meets her. But we met via travels, and lived in two different states. Circumstances shifted and seeing each other became much less frequent. Neither of us wanted to quit our jobs and chuck a grenade into our lives and careers. Eventually, for my own mental and emotional health, I had to call it. I truly hope she finds someone amazing, she deserves it. So I would just sincerely hope that she understands, and has moved on."

– obaterista93

I once showed up at an exes door after I broke up with him about a month prior.

I genuinely loved and missed him after making the very difficult decision to end things due to conflicting circumstances that kept us from maintaining a healthy relationship.

But I quickly learned that if you did the breaking up, you should respect the other person's space for a respectable amount of time.

I went to visit him at the apartment where we lived together and a new lover answered the door for him after there was a long period of giggles and lots of feet shuffling from behind the door.

Clearly, he was doing just fine.

Of course, I wasn't welcomed in and was asked what I wanted, to which I had no answer but, "do you have any mail for me?"

Sasquatch
Jon Sailer on Unsplash

People the world over develop their own specific folklore, heavily influenced by the natural world around them and their own culture.

The North American continent was no different.

Reddit user A_KULT_KILLAH wanted to know about the myths and legends of the Indigenous peoples of North America.

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